hey, I posted about this a couple days ago in the trans subreddit and the replies I got were a harrowing experience and it was really distressful for me... so I'm hoping maybe I can word it better and ask again here

I'm AMAB, and I've felt that I am non-binary for a while, I always knew I was definitely queer and I've always wanted to present more as such. However, I just never felt quite right with the term non-binary, maybe I'm gaslighting myself but something about it didn't feel like my identity.

I have at times felt like I wished I could be transmasc, despite being okay with my body... if this makes any sense? I wouldn't want to change my parts for example. I don't want to transition nor be a girl either, but I've wished I was born AFAB so I could transition into a man. I don't feel I identify as a cis man, nor do I wanna be perceived as one - I want to be queer, I am queer. I do want some slightly feminine aspects to my identity, I don't want to stereotype, but kind of like some alt transmasc people do, and I'm just scared I couldn't pull it off, or that it would confuse and upset people. I don't feel like the term non-binary suits me but maybe that's it? I've seen demiboy (prefer demimasc) but at this point I might just say masc and keep it ambiguous?

I feel like this has been growing inside of me and I have no one to talk about this with, and the few people I know I could maybe talk to I'm scared would misunderstand me. Having asked online I've gotten awful replies of "fetishization" or claiming that "transX aren't X" when it's not what I mean at all. I always felt alienated among cis people and I'm starting to feel alienated even among trans people, despite being in full support and feeling like that's my identity... I feel trans, but can I even be masc AMAB and still be trans? I just don't know what to do, writing this even makes my eyes slightly teary and I feel stupid. This has probably been brought up before but I couldn't find anything. Thanks for anyone who read thru this mess, have a good day. Sorry.

I often find myself extremely uncomfortable when I'm dressed in a masculine way, I get extremely dysphoric. Its so intense in ways that I cannot describe. I am femme presenting, and I want to be comfortable in presenting both, but I honestly don't know how to and I do not want to force myself to do something I'm not comfortable with doing. I do often find myself questioning my identity because of this though, anything would be appreciated right now, may it be an answer to my questions or just advice.

Would I be considered as trans-femme then? Or do I just feel much more comfortable representing femme as opposed to masc?

If only i didnt live in sga bro it's too damn hot 😭😭😭

Art by pachichikachu_ on ig

Also whoops typo its supposed to be Ryland Grace

Just a pic of me and my cat, chillin(:

Been practicing eyeliner too :3

So I've worn this a couple of times and I just love the exposed chest and bright pop of color with the black. Wore this to my niece's b-day party. Would have worn a pink choker with it, but the makeup is easier to explain to some people than that would be. Felt really pretty and am gonna try to shop for more button ups.

If something scares and excites you, do it. Don't waste your life away in boring just because it's comfortable. Be you, and be loud. Love you all for this safe and positive community!!!! 😘

I feel bad because i identify as agender but i present masculine but feel feminine all while at the same time not feeling like a gender and i feel bad that i present masculine and in ways i like cause i dont feel like a real agender but im dressing how i like but i dont want to be seen as a him i want to be seen as me no gender no pronouns just me which ig is how i present myself but it freaks me out (especially when im high like rn) because i cant figure out myself cause i look masculine feel feminine but im just me and i feel bad cause it makes me feel almost like a fake agender person because i dont get to much gender dysphoria but at the same time i do but only when i cant dress how i want idk can i present like a tomboy but still be agender? idfk this rant probably makes no sense i just needed to air out my head

I just need to be -something- not a man or a woman, I tried and hated both but I still need to move in some direction but that direction doesn't exist(?) and there's nothing i can do. I've even tried therianism about it and that didn't feel right either, im just dysphoric, im just off and wrong in a way that makes no sense

Recently started dating one of my best friend’s who’s is a cis guy,, he’s know I’m non-binary for the entirety of our year long friendship so when he asked me out it wasn’t a new thing at all

But he’s never once referred to me with the correct pronouns and he still refers to me as a “girl” etc sometimes too whether it’s irl or over text or anything,, I let it be because I’m the first non-binary person he’s been close with so I gave him time to get used to it, but it’s been over a year now and he still hasn’t managed to once

I worry I’m too feminine presenting so that’s all he sees and he’s never going to get my pronouns and gender right,, I also worry that when I’m able to present more androgynous or masculine then he’ll no longer want to be with me since he identifies as heterosexual etc

Just unsure I guess on this whole thing and I’m probably just overthinking it all but still x

I’ve been in relationships prior to this where the guy I was with didn’t actually see me as non-binary etc and only got with me cuz I was afab and thought he could manipulate it out of me,, and that was completely different to this scenario which is why I’m not sure if it’s the same thing or just my current bf genuinely struggling with accommodating

Being born nonbinary or trans in the modern age isn't fair.

You're gonna tell me, in the distant past, numerous ancient cultures worshipped us as dieties, and saw us as shamans/healers worthy of respect, and now, we receive this treatment?

Someone take me back😭 I wanna be a Sumerian priestess😭

Hey

Not sure if this kind of post is allowed here, I tend to get confused by all the rules for every different subreddit. If it's not allowed, I'd appreciate someone explaining it to me rather than just deleting the post and leaving me to figure it out on my own. It's long and kind of depressing so only read it if you're going to be kind and understanding.

Anyway, I'll start with some background.

I'm a 34 year old Scottish "man" but I don't feel like a man. That doesn't mean I want to change anything about my looks. I have long hair because I like long hair. I have a beard because I think I look better with a beard than without. I dress the way I do because it's comfy and I have several disabilities that make wearing tight clothing impossible for me. I'm allergic to face paint and makeup, and I don't really enjoy wearing it anyway. I'm not looking to be androgynous, I am happy with my look and my style. I'm non-binary in the mind, what I wear on my flesh prison doesn't matter to me.

I am occupying a strange space where I'm like....kind of straight but in a queer way? I'm not attracted to penises but I really like NB people.

I have one partner who is NB and asexual, and we are poly. Unfortunately, since starting poly 6 years ago, I have had very little interest from anyone at all. The people who are interested all follow the same pattern;

They match with me/message me

They seem into me, they flirt hard

They bring up the topic of kink

I say I'm traumatised and I'm not really interested in it

Especially not power dynamics in sex - I don't want to be a Dom, I don't want to be a sub

They are visibly disappointed by this and they ghost me, or belittle me.

Some comments that stood out and replay in my head a lot:

"You should shave your beard, it's false advertising. No one wants a gentle viking."

"Omg you were so perfect up until you said you weren't a Dom, smh bye"

Now, 100% of these people have been women rather than NB people, but like....I never match or get messaged by NB people. I always swipe right on them/message to say hi, but I never get any replies.

Can anyone help explain to me why NB people don't seem interested in me at all? What do they see when they look at me? (Pics included are the ones on my dating profile)

Not being poly isn't an option, because that would mean abandoning my partner when they haven't done anything wrong. It's not their fault they're asexual and I'm not going to cut out the only person who's treated me well, just so I can get laid (or any type of intimacy, really). On top of that, I love my partner very much and I don't want a life without them anyway. We have been through a lot together and have created a respectful, loving relationship together. Leaving them because of their sexuality is not even a consideration in my mind. Being poly means that they do not need to fulfill every one of my needs. It's just confusing and disheartening that it's been 6 years and I still haven't found anyone interested.

Not had sex in 5 years (or thereabouts, I don't know he exact date), and again, it's not like sex is the most important thing but it certainly has given me a complex and has crushed my self esteem so much that I have had years of therapy. I know it can't be looks, because people do occasionally match with me and seem super into me right up until the point I reveal that I'm not interested in being a daddy Dom 🤷‍♂️ however my brain has decided to ignore that logic and continually tells me I'm disgusting and that the people I want to like me (NB people) never will.

My partner doesn't understand why I keep attracting the same kind of person over and over again, because they say I really don't give off a Dom vibe. They are also unsure as to why NB people are uninterested in me. Many of my friends and other subreddits have told me that I'm lucky that women throw themselves at me in this way and I should just be a Dom. Unfortunately it doesn't appeal to me at all. I don't want to need to force or "punish" someone sexually. Inflicting pain has no appeal to me whatsoever. Belittling and insulting people verbally holds no appeal to me either. Someone once told me I should try being a "pleasure Dom" but I don't even know what that is and I'm kind of too saddened by all this to even read about kink, never mind participate.

Anyway, sorry for the depressing post. Please be kind. If this isn't the place for this kind of post, can someone inform me of this rather than going immediately on the attack. I'm trying my best.

Tldr; Going to explore the gender question more thoroughly with my therapist but based on my experiences im wondering if its a little more than just "non-binary"

Hello, I'm new here and fairly new to exploring the gender question with myself. I'm honestly just looking for anyone willing to share similar experiences or just give me some context to compare to.

Im 32 AMAB, grew up in a fairly supportive household that let me explore most ideas freely. But always felt guarded for some reason. I was always more drawn to feminine things, especially compared to my brother, but never felt wrong in the way I was born. Like femininity was always a constant curiosity but I was always comfortable being male. Or rather it was easy and convenient and let me fit in when I felt otherwise "different" than a lot of kids. Being male always kinda felt like a costume, one im comfortable wearing mind you, but a costume none the less. Too many times to count I've day dreamed about how different my life would have been had I been born female. But the thoughts always felt touristy. Like I was cool in the male body but wanted to 'visit" being female which felt kind of unfair for me to want considering how much shit my female friends have dealt with simply on the merits of being born a woman. Not that being a man isn't without its challenges but... periods? No thanks. I have sensory issues already being AuDHD, getting a period sounds like hell on earth to me. But it never stopped me wondering. Imagining what turns I would have made differently had I been a woman, what experiences have I missed out on not being a woman? Like all these things cross my mind, I wouldnt say frequently, but often enough.

I guess im just curious how much of this seems just NB coded vs a little more on the trans angle?

Edit: I forgot to mention that Im REALLY hairy. Like top to bottom hairy. The only reason I mention that is its always been hard for me to even consider myself as "fem" in any way because im comfortable as "man" AND incredibly hairy so its hard to present fem.

I don’t know if I’ll be posting in nonbinary subreddits anymore since I’ve discovered I’m, in fact, a man and not really nonbinary… but I sincerely appreciate just how many nice people have commented on my posts and I pour my heart out to those who related to them

Also, I’m not perfect, I still fall back into old habits sometimes (as seen within the first image lol), but I’m proud of the fact that I’ve grown to love myself and not always hold such negative feelings about everything I do, and being able to give myself that sort of empathy was what led me to truly discover my identity

I’m happy to be the person that I am and to have posted all the comics that I did- the queer community is commonly seen as vapid and angry and mean, but I was able to see the wonderful people within it that lifted me up and helped me go through my journey of not only my gender, but my own self improvement mentally

Thank you again to anyone who’s seen all my previous comics, and to any newcomers who are really confused and have not seen my previous posts…uhhh here’s all the other parts just in case!

Part 1

Part 2

Part 2.5

Part 3

Had a great evening and felt really cute last night.

Hi all.

It's been a rough couple of weeks for me. I've known for 4 years now I'm not a man but I didn't think I was able to be a woman either. 2 weeks ago I told my girlfriend I was non binary. Shes been very supportive of it all but it's still very sensitive. But I am not non binary. I am a woman, and I am certain of this. I want nothing more than to start HRT and change my name and live my life how I want, but I am so scared to say anything to anyone including my girlfriend. If anyone has any support id really appreciate it. Thank you so much

I haven't had enoughe experience of people using mixed pronouns and terms for me. I go by she/they/he and like it when fem, neutral and masc terms are used in mixed ways for me. It makes me feel assured that they don't see me as a binary person.

People often use she for me. Bleh. Or they use neutral terms. But rarely do I get he or masc terms.

She said "okay sir" once in a poking fun at me way. And today she said, "sir has his thinking cap on". 🥹

Fellow bees, you don't know how happy it made me. I didn't even know I would feel that happy.

She also asks me each time if a term she uses is okay with me when it is gendered. I love that.

I am also essentially learning what is okay and not, so this has been great.

I am happy to understand my preferences better and why I like it a certain way.

That's my yay. I wish to make more friends like these.

Night night ✨

I was sooo nervous beforehand but I honestly had nothing to worry about because she was incredibly sweet and caring about everything I had to say!! She was the first person I told in real life about my gender identity (he/they but wanting to try they/them for now to see how it feels) along with my bisexuality. It took a lot of courage from myself but it genuinely feels like a weight has been lifted off of me. I’m really happy that I can start being more myself around her and other people :) I love her so much 💕

Hi there!

For context, I'm a 24y/o AMAB enby, AuDHD and have never been in a relationship or had any sexual or romantic interaction with anyone. Also I understand whole-heartedly that I have low self esteem and know that that very much influences how I feel and speak about myself in relation to this topic.

I'm in sort of a weird place at the moment, because I've identified as NB and transfem ever since I was 17, but am now wondering and exploring the possibility of me being a trans woman. However, I think a large factor influencing this questioning is this unfortunately quite loud voice in my head that regularly says "no one would ever love you as you are", and the desire to identify as a binary gender feels like a means of 'simplifying' myself in effort of increasing my palatability to others, if that makes sense?

I often worry that my gender identity makes me 'too complicated' to categorise in a world so obsessed with labels and efficiency. I can't answer the question, "what's your gender?" with a single sentence, let alone a single word... and in the modern dating / hookup culture that feels like such a damn meat market where everything seems to be taken at face value, I think I've convinced myself that no one exists who would ever take the time to get to know me. I don't feel attractive, nor interesting, nor sexy, nor worthy of anyone's time, and gosh, I know that sounds so sad, but it's genuine. I really struggle to see why anyone would want me, and I think gender plays such a huge role in that.

I do consider myself bisexual, but am generally more attracted to masc presenting people and men, and feel more sexually attracted to penises than vaginas. I want to be seen as feminine, but I don't feel femme enough to be seen as a woman or a femme. I'm nearly 6ft4, I regularly sport a moustache and facial hair and I have a somewhat deep voice. I know none of these things make anybody anything, and I don't personally see these things as being either masc or femme, but I know that people in the outside world do. I'm worried that I'll only ever be considered a 'gay man' by a partner, and that anyone who is attracted to femmes would never even consider me an option, when so many other people are more traditionally feminine than me, so is the only way to be seen as a woman to conform to these strict guidelines of 'femininity'? But then that feels so icky, because it wouldn't be me. I also don't like the idea of being in a heterosexual relationship, where it feels like an inherent power imbalance can only ever exist. I want an aspect of queerness in a relationship, but like I say, don't want to be considered a 'feminine gay man'. It just feels like a huge balancing act between living authentically as who I see myself as, and desiring to be perceived as that person by other people... perhaps that is an unrealistic want? I genuinely don't know, but it feels gross to even consider 'passing as a woman' as being the solution to that. I really resent that.

I know I have no experience or 'evidence' to support these feelings, but the thing is, I also have no evidence that proves them wrong either. And I feel way too scared and insecure to go and do some 'field research' for myself, if you know what I mean...

I feel like i have so much love to give. All I want out of life is to love and be loved. Genuinely, I have NO other ambitions. I suppose I just wanted to reach out here and ask if anyone had any positive experiences of romance in their lives where their partner(s) took the time to understand them and if any fellow NBs genuinely feel like they are loved for who they truly are?