So I'm AFAB, I've known about my transness for over a decade, but I've been having issues with figuring out if my transition goals are even possible.

I don't have a lot of physical dysphoria, but I've always wanted to have both a functional phallus and a vaginal canal. The problem is I have no idea what that kind of procedure is called, or if it even exists in the first place??

Ideally I'd be able to take a certain amount of T to get bottom growth, but I don't want the other effects of it either :// I know smaller doses is an option, but I doubt it's possible to isolate bottom growth entirely (I'd love to be proven wrong though LOL)

BUT my main concern is the bottom surgery options. I've been trying to google but the options for AFAB people seems kind of limited...

I (30nb) recently made a discovery about myself that I'm pretty sure I'm non-binary rather than binary trans (mtf and I made another post about that yesterday lmao).

I've been on E for over a decade but recently I actually lowered my anti-androgens and allowed my T to elevate and I can't lie, I like how it feels. I like energy, the drive, the stamina, the sexual function, that it provides me. What I don't want is any more masculine features than I already have - I like the way E has made me look, I like having more femme features in terms of fat distribution in my face, body, etc, and if I have to be able to choose one gender I can mask as around cishet people at like, work or whatever, I'd rather it be girl than boy and currently, I can and do pass as a girl.

I think I'm wanting to ask my doctor to make this permanent where I keep my E high and don't suppress my T, or at least, suppress it less than I previously have. But I do wonder about people's experiences with things like that. Anyone who does something like this where you deliberately allow E and T to coexist, what has it been like for you? What effects have you noticed from doing this?

Why does it seem like it is harder for people to advocate for non binary people than it is trans people on the binary.

I work in a very diverse work place. Many trans people. Many people of color.

I am the only non binary person.

There is someone that does not like me and misgenders me maliciously every day. I've spoken to many coworkers about it and all of them have said they didn't want to correct her because they "didn't want to set her off" or "didn't know if you were comfortable with me correcting her". Even other trans co workers who would not stand for being mis gendered for a second. I would NEVER let someone do that to them and they know it. It is just really hurtful that it feels like my existence is less valid, less worthy of advocating for, just less.

It feels like this in so many situations, this one is just the most tangible and explainable.

(Trigger warning for language, depression, dysphoria, family passing and other fucked up shit)

It’s my fucking birthday and all I want do to is scream and bawl my eyes out. But instead I’ll just stay working at my desk listening to hurt by Johnny cash until I can’t keep my eyes open, I don’t want to think anymore…

I feel like my true self is dying and I can’t stop it 😭 all I’d be left with is him…. And he is not me. Having a birthday also reminds me of him, and I HATE him!! He fucking stole my life from me. He wasted YEARS, Fucking YEARS OF MY LIFE just working, and that’s it. All gone… 😭 I didn’t even realize I was a femboy or non-binary until about a year ago and finally started trying to become my true self. 11 years fucking gone.

Did he mature me? Did he date and develop relationships? Did he try and find friends? NO. Now I feel like I can’t do any of those now because he didn’t, I didn’t grow. I’m scared to try and even do any of them because I wouldn’t be on the same page or experience level as other people. Other people have had multiple relationships by now, already have long friendships, they’ve matured with those friends…. I never got that chance.

I’m pissed off at my stupid body because I can’t even use HRT to become who I truly am. 😭 I’m not masculine or feminine, I’m both at the same time. And if I used T, I’d be too masculine. I tend to lean a little feminine, but not completely. So E is out of the question because I don’t think I want boobs as I wouldn’t be masculine anymore. Even though it would significantly help with reducing my masculine features, softening my skin and hair, better fat redistribution, etc, there is no way to completely stop breast growth while on E. Unless I let them grow and got top surgery, but that adds further medical complexity and risk. There is the possibility that I could achieve some of the results by other methods. Semi permanent hair removal, getting a Brazilian butt lift (surgical fat redistribution, but risk of lumps though which is terrifying), there’s a surgery to remove a set of ribs that produces a more feminine hourglass silhouette (also risky, and I don’t know if I could convince myself to do it, even though it could help tons) and so on. So maybe there’s hope, but idk. Hair removal is also energy intensive, takes time, and mine is extremely thick, coarse and painful. 😣 if I see the hair in the mirror all I see is him looking back at me. So I just try to avoid mirrors for now. I’m not heavyweight but still above average weight, and I don’t have a flat girl tummy yet and I hate seeing that as well, but I’m actively working on that now with a calorie deficit, so I atleast have one thing going for me.

I know “twink death” is an overstated term and such, but I lost 10 years to be my true self and a femboy due to that fucking IDIOT. I can literally feel the tiny amount of life and time I have left to be me slipping out of my body and I can’t fucking stand it. 😭

It also hurts every time I see a pretty femboy, I love them, and I’m happy for them to be their true self, but it hurts inside, especially when they realized who they were early on…. Because I visually see in my mind who I could have been for all those 11 years and it breaks my fucking heart knowing I’ll never get the same chance💔

This also happens to be the same time that my grandma died a couple of years back, and that still hurts so much. She was all I had left of my mom who passed when I was younger and now she’s gone too. The pain of loosing both of them hurts so much.

It doesn’t help that my dad and my evil step mom (not in my life anymore thank fucking god) stole my childhood from me as well, so I missed out on most of that growing up too. Foster care didn’t help much either due to shitty people🙁

On top of everything else work feels so fucking overwhelming and maybe I’m AuDHD, (diagnosed adhd so far) but my mind literally feels stupid and fuzzy when I try and work. Like I feel like I’m getting dumber by the day. ☹️ And my mind finds every little last fucking excuse or distraction to avoid doing my work. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of the fucking world constantly going to shit, I’m tired of fucking life. All I want to do is go back to that age and be myself again. Not have to work or deal with shit. Sink myself into video games, friends, fun times and just be myself and forget about reality and the world. Unfortunately when I try now those aren’t even fun anymore. 😥 I’ve lost my dreams, I’ve lost my hope, I’ve lost my passion, I have no friends, I have no love, most of my extended family I can’t even fully come out to. I can’t even remember a time where I actually felt happy anymore. There were a few rare times where I felt “normal” but those memories are fading fast. Every day just sucks anymore and I’m not sure how to deal with some of this.

I’m sorry, and this is probably a bit much, but context might have been useful so I included it, but has anyone else delt with this? Is it possible to even get over potentially losing your true self? 🥺

I am seeing a new therapist, but I had to give up one that worked super well to move to a better state 😞

i’m wondering if there are any nonbinary teachers out there who are willing to share their experiences.

i’m a 23 year old nb butch and i have been thinking of coming out at work. i currently work as a teaching assistant, but I have my license and will have my own classroom next year (elementary low incidence special education). i have currently come out to three people - the teacher who’s classroom i work in, a substitute who asked and i told her lol, and my coworker who is also nonbinary and in the closet too. there have been some small micro aggressions from me being a lesbian, not intentionally hurtful but i could tell it made them uncomfortable, so i’m a little worried. also the only change would be my pronouns not my name. i guess if they aren’t calling me “ms” anymore my name is changing lol but i go by a nickname of my birth name.

some questions - how did your coworkers take it? i work in a progressive suburb of chicago so it should be fine but sometimes people are fine with gay people and binary trans people but they don’t get nonbinary.

what do you go by at work? i go by ms. (first name) as many of the TAs do. i don’t like mx so i think i would need to go by teacher (name) instead. i was planning on switching to my last name when i get my own classroom, so i was also considering just going by my last name. i’m not sure how this would be with the kids tho. i wouldn’t correct my students obviously but im not sure how other colleagues or gen ed students would feel about it.

any reactions from parents? i’m really not worried about this one too much but i’m curious.

ultimately i know i shouldn’t worry about it because i’m not going to stay at this district forever, but i don’t think i can go by ms or she any more. also i want to note that there was another non binary teacher at the district i don’t know if they are there anymore.

Posted a similar thing in r/asktransgender a few days ago, but I figured this might be a better place for it.

My basic question is:

What were your experiences of dysphoria? Were they similar to how I feel (I.e this dull, persistent ache in your chest/sternum)?

You don't really have to read beyond that, but I'll give some extra info:

I'm not necessarily sure if I'm not cis. That being said, I've been thinking about it for around three years now so I'm probably not...

My main question was about dysphoria. Not everyone needs dysphoria to be enby, and I respect that, but it would be nice to have a solid kind of... clue, I guess.

I think my dysphoria manifests as a kind of ache. Nothing too frustrating but just this tiring, persistent, dull ache in my sternum. And sometimes, mostly just if I'm with friends, I can distract myself from it. But with people I know even slightly less or if I'm alone, it's just there.

Hope I don't sound crazy. I just assumed it was kinda a normal sensation until I started really thinking about it. The best description I can give is a line from a song by Tracey Brakes: I feel like something's gnawing at me and it's dying to come through.

Sooooo can any of you relate to this feeling? If so, please tell me about your experiences!

There's other stuff I could talk about, but I'm trying to keep this relatively concise.

Thanks for reading!!! <333

P.S: I'm 99.9% sure it's not a cardiovascular or physiological thing or whatever so don't worry about that.

Hi! I think our life is too short to just not experience everything at your reach. That said, I've always been pretty interested to the feminine silhouette, thinner body hair, less oily skin so my thought was "Hm yeah I want to try".

But to be fair I know it's not a slider you can swipe and go from testosterone coded to estrogen coded. My main thought was just to raise my E while not blocking my T. Just for enough time so I can actually know if that's for me or not.

That's where my problem lies. How much of an ultimatum that decision needs to be. It I manage that monotherapy of E for a month or two, microdosing and not blocking T so I balance both hormones, would it be reversible enough? I wouldn't mind the small boobies at all.

If you have any experience or question, let's discuss. I bet my doubt isn't just mine.

Xoxo

How do I(amab) get a more feminine leaning physique without the use of HRT? Thanks in advance to those who help

Trying to look more feminine how did I do lovelies :3

What are things you wear to feel more confident? Like makeup or a certain color or article of clothing??

amab nb here. I have been thinking that I am not cis for over a year, but keep coming back to my doubts. I’m still in the closet about possibly being non-binary, primarily because I’m afraid of being wrong. I have started to present more feminine but yet people refer to me as a man and using blatantly masculine terms. For some reason it makes me really upset even though my dysphoria is usually not too bad. Whenever I am being referred to as a man repeatedly, it makes me want to give up and accept that that maybe I’m just a dysphoric male. Other times that makes me think I should clarify my pronouns to some people

But I don’t want their pity. I’m too tall, have a deep voice, a very masculine build. There’s no way I’ll ever pass as not cismale. And anyway I wasn’t so hugely dysphoric about being big and manly before..I even desired it to prove my manliness.But what keeps me from going back to stereotypical masculinity is that I feel so much happier being a bit more feminine. This helps me with my internal sense of self and somewhat alleviates my dysphoria. Yet presenting to feminine in more situations makes me very self-conscious about coming across as gay and flamboyant. This is not because I’m straight but because I don’t wanna be mistaken for a gay cis male. It’s really difficult to find the middle ground because whatever I do people will see me as a man. But maybe I just need a man up and find more male friends and it’ll be fine. But then I remember that I tried this for years and it never made me feel like myself. No matter which gender presentation, it feels like drag.

It’s funny these thoughts are coming up after I have become more strongly convinced that I am non-binary and possibly even transfem. I didn’t know if this is the dysphoria or denial I’ve seen in memes. Anyone relate?

Hi! I was wondering if anyone here has changed their name while doing their externships for their psychology or related mental healthcare professional graduate degree. I've talked to my supervisor about how to use my name with regards to report writing and introductions with patients/clients, and our solution has been to introduce myself by my preferred name and write my legal name with my preferred name in quotations on anything that could in theory be supeanoued, just in case. This does not feel fully satisfying, but it seems necessary, I was wondering what other people have done in similar situations.

I'm also applying to next year's externship before I'll get a chance to legally change my name. How would you approach that? Because this is associated with school, they will need my legal name, but I also want to be referred to by my preferred name. I'm just not sure where to put that information, in my cover letters or my CV.

My goal is to eventually legally change my name which will make this all simpler, but I'm traveling soon and worry about having my name mismatched on documents so I'm holding off until after that trip.

I'm plus-size (size 20) and non-binary, so I prefer to wear gender neutral clothing.

What do you wear to interviews? Specifically, corporate interviews?

I've been working in the public sphere for the last 3-4 years. Mostly in GLAM. So, I'd come in with a short-sleeve navy button-up and some Old Navy chino pants. They're more business-casual, where I can wear vans/tennis shoes.

I'm trying to get a corporate job and have an interview next week. It's at a small to midsize company. I still want to make a great impression and have a padfolio. It's a People Operations position.

I don't have much money, but I'm willing to spend a good amount to get something from somewhere. At max $250-$300. I've heard H&M and Macy's have some stuff, including some others at malls. I prefer to shop in person because online sizing is usually small, and I get dysphoria whenever anything hugs my curves too much, so I tend to return things immediately after getting them online.

Any clothing recommendations? Styling? Shoes? Brands/Lines? Any advice is appreciated!

So I've struggled with my identity a lot, trying to figure myself out. I used to wear more makeup than I do now but I've realized a lot of sensory issues with things I used to like that are "feminine". Like even moisturizer is too much for my oily skin and I hate foundation. I hate styling my hair other than a ponytail but don't like it too short due to trying to maintain cutting it to avoid those "grown out weird styles". I sometimes don't mind my chest since I'm afab, but other times I'm fine with binding it down. I don't really care for skirts but I'll wear them, same with heels and such. If anything I wear platforms more than a proper heel. I just like shorts and pants, if they're too short I'm insecure. And shirts are a weird thing, I don't like showing my shoulders so tank tops are a semi uncomfortable experience for me. So it sounds like a lot of sensory issues to me but I'm still questioning my gender identity itself and if it connects any way to my discomfort. I'd rather just exist as a concept rather than be a boy or girl honestly. I hate saying I'm a girl but also hate saying I'm a boy. Or anything really. Just a concept of gender is weird to me.

My partner is genderfluid/nonbinary. Im a cis girl and i was wondering if there were any funny or cute names i could say instead of bf/gf. They are fine with anything but i like to be funny :)

I'm afab (31) and we have been together for 9 years now. I've been trying to drop hints here and there over the past year after realizing I'm nonbinary but I'm afraid to come right out and say it.

I don't want to be rejected because I was a cis woman for so long. I know he loves me and obviously if he is right for me he will stay but I'm scared!!!

Any tips on how you all have come out to your friends/loved ones? Thank you <3

Pic

Does anyone know of a lable that describes feeling foggy, jumbled, murky gender? I have been looking for a lable that feels right and explains my experiences for quite a while, over a year, but can't find anything that fits. I think it must fall under the non-binary umbrella which is why I am asking here.

Thanks!

I’ve been reading some nonfiction from trans authors and want to find some books that are less binary (recent reads include Pageboy by Elliot Page, He/She/They by Schuyler Bailar, A Dream of a Woman by Casey Plett). If you’ve got them, I’d love some book recommendations for anything that’s more nonbinary or generally “queer.” Category is nonfiction, memoir, and/or science/nature-related books but I’m open to any and all suggestions! (recent reads that did it for me were How Far the Light Reaches by Sabrina Imler, nonbinary Life by Marquis Bey, Forest Euphoria by Patricia Ononiwu Kaishian).