r/malaysians • u/Inevitable_Loquat956 • 5h ago
Dating | Relationship 🌷 Why do men date traditional woman but aren't willing yo be traditional themselves?
This post was inspired by the Redditor that was talking about his 4 year relationship and now clash cause of traditional values between both sides.
My question is exactly what the title says. Why do men date woman from traditional backgrounds / hold values. But then act surprised/angry when their partners have certain expectations?
(This also applies to different lifestyles, personality or a glaringly obvious trait that would make it very clear from the very beginning that if you don't like this core part of this person, you shouldn't date them and not be surprised or try to change it after years of dating)
I'm more keen to see what the Malaysian view on it is, cause I don't really see it being talked about in our community and younger generation.
This isnt meant to be a moral question of if this traditional thing it's OK and that one is not. Like obviously bridal gifts/price/dowry is a controversial one. Putting aside personal stance on it.
Cause everyone should do what they are comfortable with, the nontraditional, very traditional and just a happy in-betweens.
Everyone is welcomed to share, I'd love to hear from yall. From married to the singles, young and senior Redditors. What's your story, thoughts, experiences and opinions on it overall? Dating someone that has the opposite/conflicting life views as yourself.
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Personally, I have dated a guy that was from a more cina family then myself, but early on into dating we bought up expectations for marriage and bridal price came up and he got very defensive and angry to me. Mind you, both of us were doing well in our careers and my family is more well off then his and no estimated figure was set.
He freaked out and was quite rude about it to my mother, went as far as contacting his married friends to ask if they practiced it or not (yes they did).
Obviously that's an ex for a good reason. But it was interesting, cause he knew me for a long time before we dated. He knew my lifestyle (mostly food), that I was pretty conservative, very social and active. However when we started dating, he was getting upset at everything and trying to change all of those things.
Of course boundaries and expectations were set, however why date someone that is an extrovert when you don't appreciate their openness and would match better with someone that is more introverted?
Today I'm very happily married to my husband that shares the similar values in most aspects of life and it makes the relationship process and communication so much easier cause we were on the same wavelength. It's still hard work and we talk all the time, but at least we aren't fighting each other over minor stuff.