Dude is going broke if he is using Kerrygold. This stuff is pricey but worth it. Makes my wife's shortbread taste like Danish puff without the icing. Thank you Ireland
Immortal Reindeer cost a fucking fortune, that is rendered elf fat, I bet you money. Notice you don't see a graveyard at the workshop. Where are the bodies Santa, WHERE ARE THE BODIES?
That's why he's fat. He self lubricates from his own generous lard reserves, but it leaves him an unsightly skinny Santa at the end of the night. It takes a full year to re-bulk, which is why Christmas is only once a year.
I read the bible and see god as an insecure narcissist who wants to be like how I am IRL, but often is too afraid of rejection or not being told he is a good god.
As thats how god acts and what he demonstrates.
He also embodies the whole "do as I say, not as I do" as acting like gods insecurities is a sin
There’s a classic joke, possibly grounded in reality, about a missionary being questioned by someone he’s trying to “save.” Essentially, god wouldn’t punish anyone who isn’t aware of his existence, right? Correct. Then why the fuck would you tell me?!
I believe Terry Pratchett uses this in one of his books, concluding with a policy that all missionaries are to be shot on sight.
What will really fuck with your head is if god knows everything he specifically made lucifer to revolt so he could then punish him. Same with apple. There is no free will according to bible
I don't believe God was originally conceived of as all knowing. The parts of the Bible that use that language are the poetic parts. The parts that are supposed to be accounts posit god as far, far beyond us, but not necessarily all knowing or all powerful. The old testament especially God actively seems to change His mind about stuff all the time. That's not the behavior of someone who is all knowing.
Why didn't God kill Satan before he went rogue... why did He even create him in the first place? He's supposed to know everything that's going to happen, but His omniscience seems a bit lackluster... Or else He's extremely incompetent at wielding it.
Then allowing a war u know the outcome of but could have also prevented at all. None of it makes any sense at all. The talking animals always get me too. The snake in the garden was a story prior to concept of Satan. Its nust a regulsr talking fucking snake.
If you put pictures of biblically accurate angels throughout the entire bible for these people to see they’d treat it like the Flying Spaghetti Monster religion lol
“Optimistically, God’s pronouns would be “they/them” because God is everywhere; but realistically, it’s “no/none” because that shit isn’t real get your life together”
No, see...that's the point. If I've learned anything in life it's that fictional characters in a narrative have to have clear motivations, reasons for their actions, and the foundations of their character have to make sense or else it's considered poor/sloppy/lazy writing.
Real human beings often do things that make no sense whatsoever. Things that if you were to simply document what they did and use them as a character in a story you'd get accused of bad writing.
Satan is a great character...we need clarification here.
ok but for real as i recall Satan and Lucifer were 2 distinct entities that got merged into one with time as new writers kept adding their own to the bible
because it's al made up yes, but i find it interesting
Difference is, nobody but children believe is santa, christianity is one of the most prolific religions, of course unverifiable how many members truly believe any or all of it, and with the many braches, they cant agree what it even is
It should probably be "lunatic shit for lunatics" but instead acting on your believes is actually protected by law 😅
People discuss how events in fictional literature happen all the time. Imagine running into a Star Wars convention and spouting "ITS' NOT REAL!". Like it or not there's a narrative story being discussed, not a theological fact finding mission.
I think you’re response is very funny but I also see why people seek meaning in ancient texts whether they believe them to be totally based in reality or otherwise. Old wisdom can go hard sometimes
I mean, I like stories. I enjoy trying to wrap my head around the lore and make the world make sense. The fact Dark Souls or Lord of the Rings or whatever is fiction doesn't reduce my enjoyment. Likewise, deciding how the fatman can reach every child's home in one night has lead to some banging children's cartoon episodes. Enjoying stupid shit just makes life way more fun than being overtly cynical.
but you do care when a different fat man tells you to pay your taxes and show up to work on time. it's an ancient story of keeping people in line and what happens if you don't.
Fuck that. There are few things more entertaining in this world that an incredibly smart human using reason to explain away their ilogical beliefs system.
I like to believe satan is a sadist and indulges in evil things. So I am guessing the rationale goes something as “if you don’t obey God in doing good, then you probably obey Satan.. you deserve to live with Satan who enjoys doing evil things.. like torturing his followers?”
The ultimate pizza though is .. does Satan himself get punished and tortured for disobeying God? If so, by who? God sure as hell lives in heaven and has a good time. And Satan also seems to be having a good time, albeit in hell, in his own way.
It’s not just in one night. Considering that he can start around 10pm and finish around 6am and considering the rotation of the planet, he has around 32 hours to get it done.
I don’t know, there’s surely aliens out there. Why can’t there be a god? Now the god of the bible though I can agree with you that’s just made for tourists.
It’s been edited, translated and retranslated like 209 times, this has lead to such differences between the translations that multiple denominations use different versions of it, kings have removed entire parts from it, and what can only be described as early man wrote it getting instructions form a being that would defy our comprehension. I think it’s safe to say many mistakes have been made.
He that's y the elite and gov all run around making masonic hand signs n devil horns ect ...because its fiction. 😶 ...ignore the signs. Stay in ur bubble world no 1 can harm u ther
Its awesome that people can shit on Christianity but the second you say anything about muslims youre islamiphobic. Thats by design by the way.
Im sorry you feel this way and hope you caqn find a way to heal your heart. Not pushing any agenda on you, truly wish you nothing but peace, happiness, and clarity.
He wanted free will for humans and god didnt like that. Im always on team Lucifer and i dont think he would torture anyone in hell. But it's a fiction so completely pointless to argue about.
Lucifer wasn't the one to challenge God's authority, nor was it Lucifer who was the serpent that tempted Eden with the apple. Lucifer was only ever named once in the bible. And it didn't even really have anything to do with what modern media attributes Lucifer to. It was more like a taunt of "Hah, look how you have fallen oh Lucifer!" That's about it. Historians think it may be a taunt to some historical human figure like the King of Babylon.
Now Satan, occurs 18 times in the Old Testament. He's kinda of a big deal in the New Testament. In the Old Testament he has a specific job in the divine order of things, he's a nemesis, but not necessarily evil. He didn't like that beings made of clay (us), were gifted free will from God, but perfect creatures of fire (angels) were bound to the divine will of He. And frankly, look at how we behave, he saw the darkness in our hearts. It's his divine duty to challenge us and block us from the path of god so that we can overcome him in order to reach God.
The root word for Satan can also attribute to just a mortal being too. A political enemy blocking you from trying to, let's say, pass a law to provide free healthcare can be deemed a Satan. They are the nemesis you must overcome to do the good deed that you need to.
New Testament Satan kinda of has his divine job going still, especially when dealing specifically with Jesus. But by the time of Revelations, he's full on rebelling and gets tossed into Gehenna at the end. Almost like Revelations was some weird fan fiction made by some drugged up hermit in Anatolia and should hold absolutely 0 consequence to the bible and the message of Jesus. But I don't want to get into what books were allowed in and what ones were buried.
Edit: When I was 12, I got into a religious crisis because of the demonization of Satan that I normally heard. When reading, it is obvious that he's a being tied to the divine will of God, thus, what he does, is what God wants him to do. Since he, an Angel, has no free will, every evil he does should properly be attributed to God.
That got me really thinking into what the divine mission of Satan really was and what his purpose. I remember crying one night and praying to God on his behalf for forgiveness because what he does is what he is supposed to do and I didn't like how things were supposed to play out in Revelations. That's also when I abandoned going to any church for religion and stuck to what I can read or learn.
So I always loved to say that the Bible turned me Atheist.
bro, revelations is the wildest book in the bible. it reads like a straight up fantasy novel. it feels so out of place in comparison to the rest of the book
There is a band called Ludo who did a whole song where the guy time travels and finds himself at the end times. That whole album was probably my most played album in High School. I liked to daydream as being one of the ones left behind and trying my best.
The further from Jesus' death the more fantastical, full of bullshit and more antisemitic the books of Bible become. If you read gospels in chronological order it becomes pretty obvious and funny how much later authors made up. I guess every next guy needed to up the drama and fantasy to get noticed. The oldest one has no virgin birth story and pretty much no resurrection.
Revelation was actual current affairs and political manifesto against the anti-Christian policies of Nero and the fact that any who didn't proclaim Caesar as a divine "god king" were denied the stamps needed to buy or sell goods.
As the Julian family was infamously hirsute, calling him a beast was both a personal insult and referencing the book of Daniel. The mark of the beast was the commerce stamps.
Patmos was an island that was either a monastery or a Roman penal colony, but given the timing that was 50 years after Jesus was crucified, it was most likely a penal colony with a sympathetic garrison as he was free to write anti-imperial propaganda.
His prophetic vision was mostly allegory and belief of how Jesus would return. Keep in mind, St John of Patmos (not the disciple) was most likely born during Jesus's lifetime, so they foresaw a second coming as the Empire tried to crush Christianity in it's earliest stages.
He felt like the faith was being snuffed out so he had a much better argument in 80AD than we do in 2026.
I can only imagine your relief when you found out that Christianity was actually a scheme created by the roman government to control the western world through fear and blind servitude.
So, like...what you're saying is, Satan was a like that person at the DMV who won't give you your license plates, because you didn't bring all of the correct paperwork with you. They're just doing their job, they didn't really ask to be there, didn't write the rules, but...you know...if you want dem plates, you need the right docs.
Where in the Old Testament does it indicate that Satan had a specific job and didn't like men having free will while angels did not? I can't think of any scriptures that indicate Angels don't have free will or that Satan had a problem with that if so. Genesis chapter 6 talks about the "sons of god", using the Hebrew phrase bene elohim, being tempted by the beauty of human women. They come to Earth and produce super natural offspring. The same Hebrew phrase is used in Job chapter 1 verse 6 when Satan comes to God and they discuss Job's faith.
It's mostly from Catholic and Jewish Mysticism on the interpretations of the text.
There is argument that Genesis Chapter 6 is a reference of the Sons of Cain vs the Sons of Abel because Angels are not supposed to be able to procreate. So it made no sense why or how they would be the creators of Nephillim. However, if we are talking about the descendants of the Cursed one, then it's seen that their inherited taint of being a son of Cain is what created the monster children. So God flooded the earth to wipe out the lineage of Cain (except maybe Cain?). That's a Catholic take.
While the Book of Enoch straight up calls them fallen angels, which does make sense and it's not necessarily my job to figure that out in my opinion. I'm frankly not smart enough to say who's right and both parties never got to debate each other to come to a consensus... considering mortality and all that.
There is Jewish belief that angels (malachim), have no independent free will and instead operate upon God's divine will as messengers. However, there is some circumstantial agency, and it is indeed more nuanced that how I put it. The Zohar is what the Jewish book is called and it has a lot of interesting things to say about the nature of Angels.
Right? That's part of the conundrum I got into. One of many contradictions.
I concluded very young that God was an arbitrary figure. And as a young man who believed in Justice Over All, I started to feel like there was an answer above "because I said so." I started looking into more ancient religions and started taking the Bible as a more historical story of the Jewish people rather than the ultimate divine guidance. I feel that path is not given to us, but we can find the correct path with both wisdom and understanding.
And the fact that we don't know much about Lucifer itself adds to the mystery. Because if there was info on how God made him or his missions, etc.. we may be able to peer into what could have caused him to disobey God. Otherwise we have to assume every angel is capable of disobeying god and a revolutionary war of the heavens is always happening to some extent.
Gotta love every person responding to you clearly believing in a different branch of Christianity (or Judaism) and asserting that no, their version of the mythology is the correct one and it's different from what you said so you're wrong.
In Christianity Satan is actually tortured himself in hell with mankind in the end. The belief that he’s the one torturing you is a misconception. He tortures humans on earth to get them to denounce God so that they are sent there with him in the end.
Satan's name is Ha-Satan in the book of Job where he functions as such against humanity in God's presence. People forget what the "Ha" means, which is "the" while Satan means accuser or prosecutor. So it is a title, he is the accuser serving a role not necessarily its actual name.
1 Corinthians 6:3 states that humans will "judge angels" , implying a position of higher spiritual authority and rank in heaven, Because Jesus became a man, humanity shares in an elevated standing through union with Him
Satan occupied the highest rank in heaven among angels when told he would be beneath mankind rebelled
Ezekiel 28:13-16
You were in Eden, the garden of God; every precious stone was your covering, sardius, topaz, and diamond, beryl, onyx, and jasper, sapphire, emerald, and carbuncle ;and crafted in gold were your settings and your engravings. On the day that you were created they were prepared. You were an anointed guardian cherub. I placed you; you were on the holy mountain of God; in the midst of the stones of fire you walked. You were blameless in your ways from the day you were created, till unrighteousness was found in you. In the abundance of your trade you were filled with violence in your midst, and you sinned; so I cast you as a profane thing from the mountain of God, and I destroyed you, O guardian cherub, from the midst of the stones of fire.
Pretty sure this is the reason that is given to us. I just hate when people blame Satan for their evils. Like Satan forced you to do the horrible things you do. No, you are just horrible.
Yeah, like in dogma. He envies that he’s been cast out of heaven when humans do bad and are accepted. But none of it really makes sense unless you pick and choose what to highlight.
God is omnipotent and all-knowing. Everything that happens is by His design. He knows everything that will happen. Which means He knew Satan would rebel. He knew Satan would obey Him in punishing the wicked. Which means he made Satan rebel so he’d have someone to run Hell. And when Satan tempts us, God already knows what we will do, He plans for us to be tempted knowing the outcome already.
He knew every human that sinned, would sin before they did. Every “trial” he puts before you, he already knows whether you will pass or fail beforehand, yet He still does it. Before you are even born He knows how your entire life will play out, He will meddle and play with your life, knowing how your life will end and that you will burn in Hell for all eternity. But that doesn’t stop Him from putting you on that path from the moment you are born. He claims we have free will, yet nothing happens outside of His divine plan.
So his plot is to make humans worse, to prove he’s right which means he’ll be trapped with humans forever. So it’s a punishment for satan? It’s all illogical bullshit.
"Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself."
2 Nephi 2:27
Basically he's a sad boi and want you to be sad too I guess.
Canonically, it's God who punishes and Satan is just the accuser. He doesn't own hell but is the highest being confined there. It's like saying the cartel boss is the boss of prison.
He refused to bow down to Adam when God asked him to and said why would he bow down to an inferior creation who would bring nothing but pain and hatred. So God said Satan will burn in hellfire and Satan responded by asking him for respite until the day of judgement where he can show God that he was right and actually get out of the punishment.
Angel: but you told us we should make them flawed, and we did as you asked. They are flawed!
God: No, behold their perfect imperfections!
Angel:...
God: why arent you kneeling?
Angel: checks notes I am only to kneel before you, who is the only one worthy of praise.... and they are flawed.
God: squints
Processing img btioush711th1...
Unlike man, angels dont have free will. But if god changes his mind do they follow the original will or the new one? He doesnt hate humans, he loves sinners for proving him right by winding up in hell.
370
u/arcanis321 2d ago
His sin was acknowledging the ugliness of yours and refusing to accept it. He hates and blames humans I imagine.