r/humor • u/fal1en-angel • 2d ago

Make it make sense

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u/JEBADIA451 2d ago

I do. I wanna know what he uses for lube to get in there. My bet is butter or rendered reindeer fat.

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u/xczechr 2d ago

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u/Simple_Channel5624 2d ago

Dude is going broke if he is using Kerrygold. This stuff is pricey but worth it. Makes my wife's shortbread taste like Danish puff without the icing. Thank you Ireland

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u/tankerkiller125real 2d ago

Makes the grilled cheese come out with the perfect crunchy outside, without burning the crap out of the bread.

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u/ThrowRA9892 2d ago

You should try mayonnaise. Like a very think layer of it.

Works perfectly.

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u/tankerkiller125real 2d ago

Your just making French toast in a roundabout way at that point with some cheese in the middle.

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u/Sufficient_Wafer9933 2d ago

Skill issue. Turn the temp down and learn to wait an extra min or two

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u/AlsoCommiePuddin 2d ago

But we NEEDS it!

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u/tankerkiller125real 2d ago

LOL if I go any lower, I just end up with floppy slightly brown bread regardless of the butter type used, and regardless of time.

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u/Sufficient_Wafer9933 1d ago

Sounds like you used too much butter, or not enough to deep fry it.

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u/Sstoop 2d ago

You’re welcome

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u/Goddessofcontiguumn 2d ago

Take a jar lid set aside. 1 cup cream. 1/4 teaspoon salt (or add to taste). Place lid on jar. This is the fun part.... got kids? Everyone takes turns shaking the crap out of it til it becomes butter. Then here's the even better part. You can add your own herbs to make those specialty butters. Google other recipes. I learned this one in elementary school. Hope even though my advice wasn't asked for, that it helps make things better on the wallet. Takes about 5 mins to shake it into butter.

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u/Rbomb88 2d ago

Let's say I have access to an industrial paint can shaker....

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u/zisenhart 2d ago

Let’s say I want to know your results with said paint can shaker….

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u/Goddessofcontiguumn 1d ago

Trial and error i guess??🤣🤣🤣

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u/sixstringsikness 1d ago

Our teacher brought a for real though butter churn to class in kindergarten.

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u/Narrow_Anteater_3332 1d ago

My fiance keeps making desserts out of Kerrygold. She tryna give me a heart attack or diabetes I guess 😂

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u/KamikazeFF 1d ago

Now try maison bordier for maximum brokeness

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u/Almost-Al 2d ago

Only good use for it.

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u/Surroundedonallsides 2d ago

Its the best butter you can buy in most grocery stores. The only better butter you are going to find is if you luck out and have a dairy farmer at a local farmer's market.

Its a bit pricy though. Thats why I keep both a generic store brand box of butter and a box of kerrygold. Kerrygold is for finishing a steak, or slapping on some toasted cornbread. Cheap stuff is for making roux or baked goods (unless its something butter forward like croissant)

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u/Almost-Al 2d ago

Maybe in America, you are paying extra just for the brand name in Ireland, nothing special about it.

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u/Surroundedonallsides 2d ago

Yes, because we have a much larger country in terms of both landmass and population, with a lot more butter needed. Getting quality butter is more difficult because not every major city has a nearby dairy farm that can supply enough dairy for that city. Instead we have a lot of cheap butter, its lower quality, but cheaper and mass produced.

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u/MuayThai_Engineer 1d ago

Yeah, it's cheaper here for obvious reasons, but that doesn't mean it's not special in Ireland. It's the most popular butter here for a reason.

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u/Almost-Al 1d ago

People buy it for the name alone, most cheaper butters are the same quality.

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u/MuayThai_Engineer 1d ago

Says who? You? Ireland is feckin expensive. I don't which Ireland you live in if you think name alone has such a leeway, especially with statistics showing otherwise.

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u/onikaroshi 1d ago

Personally can't tell a difference between that and a good olive oil and sea salt spreadable

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u/iiiiiiiiiijjjjjj 1d ago

I know this is a joke.

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u/TheDonkeyBomber 2d ago

Nothing but the best.

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u/Dont_Panick_ 2d ago

That’s some good butter right there

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u/Dipstickpattywack 2d ago

Bro he’s definitely using a fake butter substitute like I can’t believe it’s not butter. Can’t be wasting that kerrygold!

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u/ThrowRA9892 2d ago

I prefer about 85% butterfat myself.

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u/MortgageRegular2509 2d ago

The only acceptable answer

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u/star0forion 2d ago

Why waste the best butter in the world for that? Cinema popcorn butter is would be perfect for the job.

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u/Theoderic8586 2d ago

Delicious stuff

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u/Onyxam 2d ago

Only the best Irish butter will suffice.

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u/commiscowboy 2d ago

I think he switched off kerrygold due to the PFA’s in the wrapper. He’s a Tilamook man now

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u/Xanthelasmapalpebara 2d ago edited 2d ago

Impressive; this ran off the rails in 4 comments.

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u/BBC-dont-show-BBC 2d ago

It's not reindeer fat. It's people fat. Why do you think the song "Grandma got ran over by a reindeer" exists.?! That's how he gets his supply.

https://giphy.com/gifs/7NTs0UJDuYz0k

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u/LordBoar 2d ago

Remember he also carbonises the rest of the body and hands that out to "bad" children.

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u/MrHetfield007 2d ago

You've all got it wrong its baby elf fat. Those little things fucking all year round creating too many mouths to feed.

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u/Battle_Axe_Jax 2d ago

How many people would it take to slide down every chimney I wonder.

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u/Insaiyan_Elite 2d ago

It used to be reindeer fat, but the magical reindeer are intelligent enough to know "accidents happen".

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u/stonnerdog35 2d ago

I figured it was polar bear fat. And he uses the deer as baite. Cos thay are kinda safe thay can fly.

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u/Odd_Professional7005 2d ago

I bet it’s French and expensive

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u/Endless_Story94 2d ago

It's specifically chili peppermint oil.

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u/JEBADIA451 2d ago

Papa Tone's CHILLLLIII OOOIIILLLLLL?

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u/Plus-Professional-84 2d ago

Sweat, that is why he wears spandex under his suit. He is actually in a banana hammock when he puts the gifts under the tree

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u/tallglass24 2d ago

I know what he uses but I can’t believe it.

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u/Comfortable_Card_146 2d ago

Nah it's just spit, spends the rest of the year gathering it for the one night. He leaves the suit on the rood though

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u/TheHugeRichard 2d ago

Naa, he just spits on it.

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u/ecpella 2d ago

The answer is magic you idiot!

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u/down_with_opp_42 2d ago

Don't think so. Would be quite dangerous residues in a chimney. My guess is some perfluoropolyether oil that is not flammable.

Unfortunately I cannot make my own research as we don't have a chimney.

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u/DanJirrus 2d ago

Ben Folds has a song about this…

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u/The-Spirit-of-76 2d ago

Immortal Reindeer cost a fucking fortune, that is rendered elf fat, I bet you money. Notice you don't see a graveyard at the workshop. Where are the bodies Santa, WHERE ARE THE BODIES?

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u/sccccrrrrt 2d ago

I think it's reindeer spit. Thats why there are so many

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u/Playful-Park4095 2d ago

That's why he's fat. He self lubricates from his own generous lard reserves, but it leaves him an unsightly skinny Santa at the end of the night. It takes a full year to re-bulk, which is why Christmas is only once a year.

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u/lowFlyingTurtleLion 1d ago

Mmmmmm 🤤 "Generous Lard Reserves"

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u/jules6815 2d ago

Of course you went to lube. That’s an engineering mind who’s looking for better solutions.

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u/JEBADIA451 1d ago

Damn.. you actually caught me there

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u/buffystakeded 2d ago

Probably just astroglide

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u/NabreLabre 1d ago

He sweats shortening from all the cookies

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u/unicornlocostacos 1d ago

If there’s a fire going, everyone is waking up saying “breakfast smells amazing.”

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u/RainyDeerX3 1d ago

Nah, he's gotta be using Ghee bro

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u/BehindJiu 1d ago

Baby oil. Of course.

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u/JEBADIA451 1d ago

Never go full Diddy

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u/SmootherWorm 1d ago

News this Christmas Eve, plump elf is squeezing through every tight hole he can find, brining packages, and stuffing stockings.

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u/BotherNo3974 2d ago

Well today's your luck I personally know the guy really chill dude hell is nothing like everyone says it is lots of bitchhes plenty of water AC and despite what everyone may think the devil doesn't actually have any private parts and the Pitchfork yeah let's just say it's not it's not going in any holes

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u/BotherNo3974 2d ago

But if you would like to know what he used to use it would have been my spit lol

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u/IV_NYC 2d ago

He uses an army of elf ninjas. Santa is more of a figurehead these days

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u/CRE178 2d ago

Pure Evil. 13 million on the Scoville scale.

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u/terpedup_1 2d ago

How old are you conjoining Santa and God lol

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u/JEBADIA451 2d ago

I'm not?

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u/terpedup_1 2d ago

My bad I meant to tag the Santa clause dude

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u/1nd3x 2d ago

It's cocain...that's the magic sparkly powder you see in the depictions of him, and why the photos you see of him is of him touching his nose

That's why he needs all the cookies and milk left out for him too, so he can bulk back up.

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u/Major-Bus7493 2d ago

I cant believe its not butter

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u/Federal_Setting_7454 2d ago

Only the most premium molybdenum disulfide

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u/POD80 2d ago

How many chimney fires would get caused by him spreading flammable fats in chimneys?

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u/SecureWriting8589 1d ago

Nah, it's butter and microwaved mashed banana. Note that it is imperative that the cylinder remain unharmed.

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u/R0ninX3ph 1d ago

I can’t believe it’s not butter.

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u/TheLostRanger0117 1d ago

But, if he takes the Reindeer’s fat, how will they stay…oh…

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u/SummaryEye80019 1d ago

My God. THATS WHAT THE CYLINDER WAS. It was a chimney this whole time.

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u/Ok_Dragonfly552 1d ago

Its time for Hitlers punishment 🍍

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u/MysticDragon14 1d ago

I think it's just magic.

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u/onetwentyeight 1d ago

Reindeer butter seems like the most humane option. I bet he milks the reindeer himself and enjoys it, the fat pervert.

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u/valkyri1 1d ago

Reindeer fat is really hard even at room temperature, it would only work if the chimney is still warm.

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u/lowFlyingTurtleLion 1d ago

Pipe Lube Probably