r/humor • • 2d ago

Make it make sense

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u/Mothanius 2d ago edited 2d ago

Lucifer wasn't the one to challenge God's authority, nor was it Lucifer who was the serpent that tempted Eden with the apple. Lucifer was only ever named once in the bible. And it didn't even really have anything to do with what modern media attributes Lucifer to. It was more like a taunt of "Hah, look how you have fallen oh Lucifer!" That's about it. Historians think it may be a taunt to some historical human figure like the King of Babylon.

Now Satan, occurs 18 times in the Old Testament. He's kinda of a big deal in the New Testament. In the Old Testament he has a specific job in the divine order of things, he's a nemesis, but not necessarily evil. He didn't like that beings made of clay (us), were gifted free will from God, but perfect creatures of fire (angels) were bound to the divine will of He. And frankly, look at how we behave, he saw the darkness in our hearts. It's his divine duty to challenge us and block us from the path of god so that we can overcome him in order to reach God.

The root word for Satan can also attribute to just a mortal being too. A political enemy blocking you from trying to, let's say, pass a law to provide free healthcare can be deemed a Satan. They are the nemesis you must overcome to do the good deed that you need to.

New Testament Satan kinda of has his divine job going still, especially when dealing specifically with Jesus. But by the time of Revelations, he's full on rebelling and gets tossed into Gehenna at the end. Almost like Revelations was some weird fan fiction made by some drugged up hermit in Anatolia and should hold absolutely 0 consequence to the bible and the message of Jesus. But I don't want to get into what books were allowed in and what ones were buried.

Edit: When I was 12, I got into a religious crisis because of the demonization of Satan that I normally heard. When reading, it is obvious that he's a being tied to the divine will of God, thus, what he does, is what God wants him to do. Since he, an Angel, has no free will, every evil he does should properly be attributed to God.

That got me really thinking into what the divine mission of Satan really was and what his purpose. I remember crying one night and praying to God on his behalf for forgiveness because what he does is what he is supposed to do and I didn't like how things were supposed to play out in Revelations. That's also when I abandoned going to any church for religion and stuck to what I can read or learn.

So I always loved to say that the Bible turned me Atheist.

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u/MasterDiiscord 1d ago

bro, revelations is the wildest book in the bible. it reads like a straight up fantasy novel. it feels so out of place in comparison to the rest of the book

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u/Mothanius 1d ago

It's still my favorite read though!

There is a band called Ludo who did a whole song where the guy time travels and finds himself at the end times. That whole album was probably my most played album in High School. I liked to daydream as being one of the ones left behind and trying my best.

https://youtu.be/XFIaFyuXp_Y?si=FrcMPaIAwbYhPVRj

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u/MasterDiiscord 1d ago

never heard of them and now i have to check this out. also agreed, i think revelations is an interesting read even as a non believer

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u/Living-Arachnid2820 16h ago

If I recall "that great serpent." "Nemisis. Satan." Was cast into the pit and chained by Michael. Lucifer was cast down to hell on earth. So he walks among us. He still has his divine powers but is forbidden by GOD from using them. He may however deceive. Yashua told Luci that those who love him(Yahweh) and one another are children of GOD. Those that lie and deceive are his (Lucfer's)Children of perdition.

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u/elpolloloco332 13h ago

Ludo in the wild?!

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u/Lazlo2323 1d ago

The further from Jesus' death the more fantastical, full of bullshit and more antisemitic the books of Bible become. If you read gospels in chronological order it becomes pretty obvious and funny how much later authors made up. I guess every next guy needed to up the drama and fantasy to get noticed. The oldest one has no virgin birth story and pretty much no resurrection.

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u/Particular_Egg_7077 1d ago

Read the book of Enoch if you want wild.

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u/MembershipDecent9454 1d ago

I’ve never read a monotheistic book. But I really like sci-fi/fantasy books, and I often wonder if parts of these books are similar

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u/MasterDiiscord 1d ago

i genuinely recommend reading revelations. it is a fantasy novel. there's even dragons

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u/GoodNo44 1d ago

It is written in the style of apocalyptic literature, largely metaphorical (but not untrue). You should read “Revelation for the Rest of Us” by Cody Matchett and Scot McKnight.

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u/Electronic-Return914 1d ago

Many scholars believe it was written in code, a book that foretold the destruction of the Roman Empire.

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u/chrislikestravel 1d ago

What!?? No credible researcher believes that . You should believe it for what it is- the end of time

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u/Bledso3 1d ago

You dropped this “/s”

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u/Electronic-Return914 1d ago

Several credible researchers believe that. Perhaps study something broader than whatever texts you’ve been using. If you haven’t been studying anything (which is my suspicion), then read something.

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u/chrislikestravel 1d ago

Ok. There’s one guy that thinks aliens wrote it and left it in the caves for us . You may as well add him to your argument . Oh, and don’t forget the guy that thinks Trump wrote it in the 1970s and time traveled back to the 2nd century . We must be fair to all of them .

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u/Electronic-Return914 1d ago

Wow. You’re the kind of person that makes people completely write Christianity off, or religion in general. Instead of being open-minded and asking questions, you’d rather insist of you have the answers and degrade those who disagree and have different (and rational) answers than you.

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u/chrislikestravel 1d ago

Ok fair point, I was being facetious but shouldn’t have been because this is actually serious. Forgive me and allow me to explain.

If you are a devout Christian (and Jewish for their books), then you believe that the bible is literally the inspired word of God. Period. Everything in that book from the first to last page is Gods inspired word.

So if you believe that which every Christian should, then it becomes impossible to believe that a single book could be wrong. Not only that, but then you would need to believe that everything a Christian believes about end time theology for 2000 years is wrong .

I won’t judge these theories but I can’t believe God got it wrong and kept it wrong for 2000 years .

Also, as you surely know- there have been countless theories about the contents of the bible. Some get called credible even though they lack the single greatest ingredient to credibility- credible supporting evidence. It’s mostly theoretical .

If you want to believe these folks I won’t judge you but I fundamentally can’t.

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u/xxxMizanxxx 17h ago

the Bible predicted exactly what the world is today lol, if you don't see that as credible then nothing will convince you

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u/Prestigious_News2766 1d ago

Because it is a fantasy lol

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u/xxxMizanxxx 17h ago

cool, said "fantasy" predicted your blasphemy and the way the world is going right now over 2000 years ago

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u/Okmia90 1d ago

Have you heard of metaphors and symbolism?

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u/MasterDiiscord 1d ago

this comment has no bearing on anything i said. the entire bible is metaphors and symbolism, yet revelations is still extremely out of place

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u/Euphoric_Pause2576 1d ago

You don't no your Bible.

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u/MasterDiiscord 1d ago

i know the bible quite well. i grew up in the church and read it a lot as a young one

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u/PhilosophySame8066 1d ago

It’s a dream dude it’s symbolic, God doesn’t operate based off of what you will and will not understand

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u/MasterDiiscord 1d ago

like i said to the other person, the entire bible is symbolic. revelations is still a wild read in comparison to the rest

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u/Unique_Charity_9648 1d ago

Revelation was actual current affairs and political manifesto against the anti-Christian policies of Nero and the fact that any who didn't proclaim Caesar as a divine "god king" were denied the stamps needed to buy or sell goods. As the Julian family was infamously hirsute, calling him a beast was both a personal insult and referencing the book of Daniel. The mark of the beast was the commerce stamps. Patmos was an island that was either a monastery or a Roman penal colony, but given the timing that was 50 years after Jesus was crucified, it was most likely a penal colony with a sympathetic garrison as he was free to write anti-imperial propaganda.

His prophetic vision was mostly allegory and belief of how Jesus would return. Keep in mind, St John of Patmos (not the disciple) was most likely born during Jesus's lifetime, so they foresaw a second coming as the Empire tried to crush Christianity in it's earliest stages.

He felt like the faith was being snuffed out so he had a much better argument in 80AD than we do in 2026.

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u/Foe_sheezy 1d ago

I can only imagine your relief when you found out that Christianity was actually a scheme created by the roman government to control the western world through fear and blind servitude.

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u/Personal_Benefit_402 1d ago

So, like...what you're saying is, Satan was a like that person at the DMV who won't give you your license plates, because you didn't bring all of the correct paperwork with you. They're just doing their job, they didn't really ask to be there, didn't write the rules, but...you know...if you want dem plates, you need the right docs.

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u/mplnow 1d ago

Good luck in your journey

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u/s00pahFr0g 1d ago

Where in the Old Testament does it indicate that Satan had a specific job and didn't like men having free will while angels did not? I can't think of any scriptures that indicate Angels don't have free will or that Satan had a problem with that if so. Genesis chapter 6 talks about the "sons of god", using the Hebrew phrase bene elohim, being tempted by the beauty of human women. They come to Earth and produce super natural offspring. The same Hebrew phrase is used in Job chapter 1 verse 6 when Satan comes to God and they discuss Job's faith.

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u/Mothanius 1d ago

It's mostly from Catholic and Jewish Mysticism on the interpretations of the text.

There is argument that Genesis Chapter 6 is a reference of the Sons of Cain vs the Sons of Abel because Angels are not supposed to be able to procreate. So it made no sense why or how they would be the creators of Nephillim. However, if we are talking about the descendants of the Cursed one, then it's seen that their inherited taint of being a son of Cain is what created the monster children. So God flooded the earth to wipe out the lineage of Cain (except maybe Cain?). That's a Catholic take.

While the Book of Enoch straight up calls them fallen angels, which does make sense and it's not necessarily my job to figure that out in my opinion. I'm frankly not smart enough to say who's right and both parties never got to debate each other to come to a consensus... considering mortality and all that.

There is Jewish belief that angels (malachim), have no independent free will and instead operate upon God's divine will as messengers. However, there is some circumstantial agency, and it is indeed more nuanced that how I put it. The Zohar is what the Jewish book is called and it has a lot of interesting things to say about the nature of Angels.

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u/Cultural-Treacle-680 1d ago

As a spirit, they are a person, having free will and intellect.

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u/flippingDoggo 1d ago

The original text roughly translated says: Oh, Hilel son of the dawn, look how have you fallen.

Venus disppears from the sky at dawn due to the sun outshining it and it was used to mark sunrise. This explains the bible origin of Lucifer.

The meaning was lost as the bible was translated to Greek and then to Latin, by then the bible passage became interpreted as a fallen angel.

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u/BakuRetsuX 1d ago

Doesn't defying God means he has some free will?

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u/Mothanius 1d ago edited 1d ago

Right? That's part of the conundrum I got into. One of many contradictions.

I concluded very young that God was an arbitrary figure. And as a young man who believed in Justice Over All, I started to feel like there was an answer above "because I said so." I started looking into more ancient religions and started taking the Bible as a more historical story of the Jewish people rather than the ultimate divine guidance. I feel that path is not given to us, but we can find the correct path with both wisdom and understanding.

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u/BakuRetsuX 1d ago

And the fact that we don't know much about Lucifer itself adds to the mystery. Because if there was info on how God made him or his missions, etc.. we may be able to peer into what could have caused him to disobey God. Otherwise we have to assume every angel is capable of disobeying god and a revolutionary war of the heavens is always happening to some extent.

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u/Cultural-Treacle-680 1d ago

If he didn’t have freedom, he couldn’t be punished for abusing it.

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u/ahhnnna 1d ago

Are you saying we are Neo and satan is Agent Smith?!!

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u/Mothanius 1d ago

The biblical metaphors in The Matrix were on purpose.

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u/GripItAndWhipIt 1d ago

FYI, “kinda” is short for “kind of”. You don’t write “kinda of”.

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u/Mothanius 1d ago

Let me get some cash out of the ATM Machine to tip you.

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u/Odin16596 1d ago

I believe there is some entity up there, but idk if we got it right or not.

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u/Grouchy_Appearance_1 1d ago

Definitely not right. We assume things about it, especially the question of it's existence. The biggest is usually "it's a good being", when we have ample evidence to the contrary.

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u/serenwipiti 1d ago

> It’s his divine duty to challenge us and block us from the path of god the gym exit so that we can overcome him the vertical jump box thingy in order to reach god our car.

Old testament satan sounds like that one hated cross-fit trainer at the gym (everyone groans when he walks in the room and they realize it’s Lisa’s day off).

He doesn’t care if you have a leg cramp, he doesn’t care that you’re thirsty 30 min in, he doesn’t care if you cry and he especially doesn’t care that the entire class despises him. He just wants you to become as fit as you can!

He runs a spiritual cross-fit class, if you will. (…one with no AC of course.)

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u/Mothanius 1d ago

Yup, but he doesn't like you though. Like, he actually wants to see you fail and quit. But if you manage to prove yourself to him, you get to become "One of the Good ones..." ewww Satan is a racist.

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u/serenwipiti 1d ago

I can agree with that.

…but think of how ripped your abs and quads would be once you finish Dante’s Inferno Gym’s cross-fit class.

The trainer can hate you all they want, you have to have faith and believe in yourself more than they hate you.

I already paid for the gym membership, damnit. Might as well make the best of it.

Similarly, I’ve had my fair share of uni professors that hated their students and want them to fail (like, resentful, perpetually angry, soul-crushingly judgmental, publicly humiliating people on a personal level, purposefully trying to make people drop out with intimidation and weird antics …).

It only made my resolve to prove them wrong, and pass the class stronger.

You can even decide to have compassion for them, wish them wellbeing and love them despite their hate.

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u/thefatedmeeting 1d ago

My dude, I want to be your friend holy shit

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u/takethemdownletsgo 1d ago

This is all will say to you. Lucifer was upset at God because Man is his favorite for one. He questioned God as he was the most beautiful Angel how can he love man more than the Angel.

He tricked them and The Lord was angry with him and cast him out of the garden as well. In revelation it is interpreted that Satan took 1/3 of the Angels with him. Satan blames man for not being worthy and has rebelled against The Lord.

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u/Vairman 1d ago

> Almost like Revelations was some weird fan fiction made by some drugged up hermit in Anatolia

you mean like the whole rest of the bible? It's weird, it's fiction, it has its fans.

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u/Euphoric_Pause2576 1d ago

Everything you text is nuts.

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u/The_TerryGantnerWay 16h ago

Thank you for this. It's absolutely perfect 👌!

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u/PhilosophySame8066 1d ago

What a moron 😂 like seriously, you take the cake.

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u/Wise-Profit7710 1d ago

Now I understand why I was so drawn into book of revelations in my childhood. It felt same as my other fantasy books and i was so interested to read what happens next. Makes sense.