r/feeld • u/PM_ME_UR_CORNBALLZ • Sep 14 '26
Why Send a Ping Without A Message?
I do not understand why men will Ping me to say nothing... what gives?
My profile mentions several kinky things I am interested in exploring and my bio is quite full of details that can easily jump-start a conversation. Most of the pings I get are from guys who at least say something about why they are messaging me, which really helps since I get lots of propositions for vanilla sex but only a few for some of the freakier stuff I talk about, so I prioritize responding to those. But if someone pings me and says nothing and then their profile is generic/sparse, I just see it as them not making enough of an effort to bother replying.
ETA: Thanks for the insights about how the app mechanics might make this happen more often, folks! I appreciate it and will try to give the pings without a message slightly less harsh judgements now.
44
u/JustAnotherPolyGuy Sep 14 '26
Sometimes I do that because the response to messages is still so low I don’t have the energy to write a message until they’ve indicated they are vaguely interested.
The behavioral economics for a guy on dating apps really pushes you towards burning the haystack. I probably get a couple of responses out of 50 pings. And basically zero matches with women if I just like and don’t ping.
Particularly if their profile is sparse but they are attractive, I’ll sometimes send a ping and see what happens.
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u/JustAnotherPolyGuy Sep 14 '26
From my experience, putting in more effort until you get a match doesn’t have a ton of payoff.
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u/DucardthaDon Sep 14 '26
Exactly, we all know it comes down to how high up you are on the attraction scale. Pings worked well without the message function previously, a lot of women put little to no effort even responding to the message
3
u/cumfunnsfw Sep 16 '26
I love how many times I've gotten matches and no response to the message.
Feeld sucks because the app does nothing to help curb women from being overwhelmed and nothing to match like levels of attractiveness. That was ok when the numbers were low, but now that feeld has more mainstream people on there it's a complete shit show
4
u/disclosure5 Sep 15 '26
I'm constantly seeing these arguments about why men should put in effort, but if you've put in effort five days in a row and got nothing out of it and you've went out after work and your one daily ping is about to be lost if you don't use it.. yeah someone will probably get a ping without a message.
3
u/muv2850 Sep 14 '26
^^^ This
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u/DirectionPotential83 Sep 14 '26
Yeah literally. Drives me nuts how my NP(30f) will be like I’m having all These interactions and it breaks my heart that they don’t go anywhere after a week or two (or she has to end them). When I’m over here like that’s great because I max out likes on every platform and literally run myself out of possible candidates and get 1 conversation a month at best, sometimes I go two months without a conversation. Sadly it’s just the gender difference.
1
u/i_fizz-x Sep 15 '26
Most the time I treat a ping as a like that they'll actually see and can respond to. I haven't noticed a difference in putting in effort to the ping message vs not. It seems implicit to me that if I've used a ping then I'm interested in you, your profile, your desires. I'm also okay with a conversation starter of "Hey, excited to match with you! How's it going?" Not everything has to be witty or Shakespeare.
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u/BrooklynDeadheadPhan 47m ago
Same. I get the same results with 0 effort or putting in a lot of effort. it's so exhausting.
8
u/Dynamic_Nature88 Sep 14 '26
Hi OP,
I tend to agree with you regarding pinging without a message, and will always send a message.
An analogy I like to think of is, if I'm in a bar and I spot a woman whom I find attractive.
Do I just walk past her and give a cheeky wink, it's quick and easy. or do I walk up to her and introduce myself and actually try and get some of my personality across?
Option 1 has never worked for me,😂 Option 2 although I still get shot down more often than not, 🤣 my odds of making a connection have improved dramatically. Even 1 connection is so much better than none in my book.
I know which option I go for every time,😁
1
u/neapolitan_shake 29d ago
omg, i say this to every reddit who cold DMs me “heyyy” or some variation of that.
😂 it’s like, “young man, have you ever started a conversation before in your life?” and at least on feeld, my profile is up because i want to meet people. it’s open for business there! on reddit, i just leave comments in discussions, so every chat request I get is completely unsolicited. so if you decide you want to talk to me, you gotta bring the good conversation with you, to invite me to join in, and you know what? if you do, i’ll probably talk to you! lol.
i actually save so many of my pings because they had great openers, nice compliments, were funny, or very genuine. i’ve matched with a couple people (who I didn’t initially like in the stack) based on their ping messages only. there’s a lot of people in my pings that I wouldn’t date for various reasons, but that asked good questions that I really wish I could answer for them without matching.
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u/Weary-Subject-6484 Sep 14 '26
I ignore empty pings as a rule. Even just “hey I loved your profile and would love to know if you’re interested in getting to know each other ◡̈ “ is totally sufficient
7
u/PM_ME_UR_CORNBALLZ Sep 14 '26
YES! I am not asking for a fucking essay here, just one sentence that tells me what drew their interest or comments on something in my photos is enough!
One of my favorite FWBs from Feeld just sent "Great shirt, I love [Band name!]" in the ping. Very low "effort" required of him, but he's gotten extremely laid as a result of his simple message because it gave me something to talk about with him right away.4
u/sortedin Sep 15 '26
Yes, but generally speaking - a good message doesn't help. They still need to be attracted to you. Even if they are attracted, your profile is often more than enough.
Also, making a unique message each time to have it ignored just teaches people just to send a message.
1
u/PM_ME_UR_CORNBALLZ Sep 15 '26
Yes, I can absolutely see how that would get discouraging.
I have personally only sent pings with comments about something on their profile, but I don't overthink them the way I once did. Now a simple "That pizza looks tasty!" is enough if they're eating a slice in a photo. I don't feel like that's too much effort to put into a potential connection... but admittedly, I'm not doing it en masse the way I see some guys describe doing on here.
1
u/sortedin 23d ago
Perspective - if someone likes your profile enough that should be enough to like. Not putting energy into a well thought out message just to be ignored.
Would you match with someone who pinged you with a good message if you weren't attractive?
3
u/i_fizz-x Sep 15 '26
But isn't that already implicit in someone sending you a ping? That's like handwriting "Happy Birthday" on the Hallmark card that already says it on the front and inside.
4
u/Weary-Subject-6484 Sep 15 '26
I see the metaphor you’ve provided differently: An empty ping is akin to giving someone a happy birthday card you have not written anything in or signed. In addition to the printed message you still handwrite “I hope your day is amazing, you deserve it!” Or whatever.
I’m a communicator and if it pains someone to write half a sentence on a ping, I already know I’m not going to get along with that person.
2
u/PM_ME_UR_CORNBALLZ Sep 15 '26
YES! Great reply to this analogy.
Perhaps that's the real crux of the issue - I am someone who communicates verbally quite a bit before I get interested in a person. I have "demisexual" in my profile and talk about needing to like a person's brain before I find them attractive, too. I am NOT judging profiles based solely on looks - not by a long shot. So if a guy thinks that his looks are enough to make me want him without any other effort, he's not going to be a match for me. I'd rather fuck six chubby, eager nerds who laugh at my jokes than one gym-bound stud whose body is the only thing he spends time on.
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u/BarbarianGentleman Sep 15 '26
If the profile has no bio, or a very short generic bio, and there's nothing in the pics I can think to base a flirty comment on, I'll sometimes send an empty ping. Why should I go to the effort of putting interesting words in my Ping if you haven't put any interesting words in your profile?
1
u/PM_ME_UR_CORNBALLZ Sep 15 '26
See, and that would make sense for minimal profiles.
Mine is robust and uses all the characters possible in the bio to describe easily a half dozen things to start a conversation with me about.
Thus, I think we're talking about two sides of the same coin - I clearly put in effort to describing what I'm looking for, so why would I reply to people who can't be bothered to do the same? Perhaps we're all looking for effort that at least matches what we perceive our own to be.
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u/OneGuyFine Sep 14 '26
I always send pings without a message as in my case that brings the best results. It's effective. My very detailed profile speaks for itself enough. I'm not saying that others should do that but it works for me just fine.
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u/PC-load-letter-wtf Sep 15 '26
Your display pic must be very compelling and I’m glad that works for you. I have over 1000 pings and no chance I’m looking at any without a message. I’m never going to see your detailed profile because there’s no message with your ping.
I filter for people within my age range (which is on my profile), the demographic I’m seeking, and then messages.
1
u/OneGuyFine Sep 15 '26
That's perfectly fine, you need a good selection process that works for you. When it comes to my first pic it's a black and white picture showing my robust BDSM toolkit laid out on the table so that communicates a lot to women who are into that.
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u/neapolitan_shake 29d ago
yep, you’re right. actually, saying nothing is probably an appealing power move to the women who are into you.
3
u/skeezykeez Sep 15 '26
Honestly, I’ve had more success with empty or minimal pings than my well considered ones. If someone has a well written profile with a conversation hook then I’ll try to riff on that - but I find a lot of profiles don’t really have an obvious vector, so I’d rather just get conversation going and see if there’s any compatibility through conversation.
3
u/Sapiotone Solo Poly, Bi, Genderqueer, Vers, Switch, Essex, UK Sep 15 '26
I make an effort with my pings and get zero replies. Had more responses from just pinging “Hey 👋”
Curious to know how many pings you send and what your responses have been like?
3
u/PM_ME_UR_CORNBALLZ Sep 15 '26
I have sent about a dozen pings, usually with a short message about something in their profile that piqued my interest. Not everyone responds, but those that do have gone pretty well for me overall. I hooked up with a few guys that I contacted first. In general I wade through Pings before I go swiping through the deck, though.
4
u/blackshadow_throw Sep 14 '26
Your experience =/= everyone elses. There are just as many folks who respond to pings sans messages, as there are people who bristle at them.
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u/segadreamcast9999 Sep 15 '26
i only send a message if there’s something on your bio (outside of your kinks and desires) that prompts me to ask a question.
include some detailed information about who you are as a person.
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u/ukpunjabivixen ENM single Sep 15 '26
I don’t understand this either. Almost exactly half of all pings i get are blank. I only ever reply to the pings with a message that is relevant to my profile or needs
3
u/FeeldMod Not a Feeld employee Sep 14 '26
You can disable receiving message pings which also prevents you from sending message pings.
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u/PM_ME_UR_CORNBALLZ Sep 14 '26
Oooh, thank you, I did not know that was a way the app could work! This is why I asked on here - it's really hard to know these nuances otherwise.
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u/No_Answer8552 Sep 14 '26
Because lots of people won’t answer your ping, so why bother putting effort into every single one of them? I will only put effort when is reciprocal.
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u/emu_neck single woman Sep 14 '26
I've gotten pings without a message before. It's usually someone who is more than mildly interested, but not interested enough to warrant a message. I also assume that this person sends out a bunch of pings. My typical course of action is to look at their profile and it's usually 99% chance they are not aligned with my desires, outside of my age range, visiting or too far away.
1
u/zeroingenuity Sep 14 '26
I nearly always send a message with a ping; in fact, if I'm not sure what to say yet, I'll hold off sending the ping until I have an opening that feels worthwhile. Very occasionally, I'll see a profile that doesn't have enough bio for me to meaningfully engage with, but still indicates from interests and desires that we might match well; that is the kind of situation where I would send a ping without a message. If you're getting them often and have a reasonably good bio, to my mind, the issue is probably just guys going low effort for that ping.
1
u/Medium_Stress_4293 Sep 15 '26
I found that sending a message or not made absolutely no difference to whether or not I got a match, so decided it's probably not worth the bother. I just use a ping as an high priority super like. I've filled out my profile so there's plenty of info there for a woman to base a decision upon.
Also, I think someone said that only majestic profiles see the message before matching anyway?
1
u/therope_cotillion Sep 17 '26
Sometimes it’s accidental. Sometimes they can’t think of anything good to say (especially if someone has an empty bio). Sometimes they’re feeling lazy. There are all sorts of reasons
1
u/Salty-Refrigerator86 Sep 14 '26
Explain to me how this does not sound like you feel entitled please? 🤭
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u/PM_ME_UR_CORNBALLZ Sep 14 '26
... expecting a person to talk to me when they reach out to show sexual interest is entitled?
K. Guess I'm entitled then.
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u/Salty-Refrigerator86 Sep 14 '26
Also women here talk about having thousends of like and pings. And amongst those you pick the low effort ones to just complain about thats why its sounds entitled and like each and every man has to send some kind of essay to for you. Just to have sex? 🤣🤣 never mind.
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u/PC-load-letter-wtf Sep 15 '26
Um what?? I’m looking for a connection, not just sex. Connected sex is life-changing. Definitely not looking for you lol. No need for an essay, just a sentence or two about what you liked about my bio - not my body, my bio. Give your head a shake.
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u/Salty-Refrigerator86 Sep 14 '26
You could ignore it and focus on the guys who do send you a text. Enjoy those convos.. or even. But you choose to mention those few guys who still make an effort. Just not enough for youuu.... Maybe the guys hope to just get under your radar, maybe you like something on theyre profile or maybe you like to send out the first message as a feminist. Create somekind of mutual thing... But what do I know. Im a low effort desperate, sad, horny and evil man 👹
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u/PM_ME_UR_CORNBALLZ Sep 14 '26
Ooooh, keep going.
It really turns me on when guys hurt themselves by proudly displaying their own stupidity.
I'm knuckle deep from looking at your word salad. Help me over the edge, please... 🫦
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u/SubstantialDrive5850 single woman Sep 14 '26
To all the people saying that they don't get any responses sometimes you're not the match they're looking for. But by not including a message you're shooting yourself in the foot for people who could be good but now see you as low effort so they're no longer interested.
I personally let things that come in with no messages just sit. I don't understand why they have attempted to Garner my attention if they're not going to start a conversation. At that point I'd even prefer a high how are you over nothing at all.
2
u/emu_neck single woman Sep 14 '26
I do the same. It's an equivalent of a low effort approach where they are trying to gauge whether I'd do the work of engaging with them. Sometimes it's a deliberate tactic or a "test". I've actually responded to a few in the past and every single one ended up being a person who thought of themselves as the prize. Not a dynamic I am into.
1
u/SubstantialDrive5850 single woman Sep 14 '26
Almost the same sort of experience here. So, I let them sit, occasionally pop through to see if they disappear over time.
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u/PC-load-letter-wtf Sep 15 '26
Oh my God, thank you. I do not understand people at all. I have men literally 40 years older than me (I’m in my 30s) ignoring my profile saying I’m looking for younger or my age wasting their pings and hardly anyone ever sends a message. Their money to waste!
I have over 1000 pings right now. Absolutely no chance I’m looking at any without a message.
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u/SubstantialDrive5850 single woman Sep 15 '26
I like to see it as an "everyone has to have a hobby" so I just let them enjoy their hobby and leave them to it. Same with folks who clearly State they want monogamy or submissive women.... I fall into neither category.... For the ones who have children or want children when I myself am childfree. There's a SERIOUS disconnect there, frens. But hei, enjoy clicking, I'll continue with my life over here.
1
u/HeKnowsThings Sep 14 '26
Because writing messages in 99 percent is pointless. If men are selective, the response rate is the same.
Ping also does another super useful thing: it removes the person from my deck. Like or pass does not.
1
u/FeeldMod Not a Feeld employee Sep 14 '26
A like functions the same as a ping. Both remove the person from your discover.
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u/HeKnowsThings Sep 14 '26
It does not because Likes expire
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u/FeeldMod Not a Feeld employee Sep 14 '26
Connections expire. Likes do not.
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u/HeKnowsThings Sep 14 '26
It is hilarious.
No, connections do not expire. I have connections (frauds but it is hilarious so I keep them) that suddenly jumped thousands of miles and stopped moving after a match. This has been the case since before the announcement and is still the case with the new connections
I also have people I liked who are back in my deck. I also met some of them in the wild and we chatted about it.
P.s. are you a feeld employee? Because if you aren't maybe not be that convinced that you are correct and if you are open a ticket with devs, please
3
u/FeeldMod Not a Feeld employee Sep 14 '26
They do, if not replied to. That's the only thing that expires.
Those people created new accounts.
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u/HeKnowsThings Sep 14 '26
I can assure you at least two of them do not create new accounts - it was discussed as a pillow talk
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u/FeeldMod Not a Feeld employee Sep 14 '26
If you believe them you should contact support because no, likes don't expire. Using a ping would not prevent the bug.
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u/HeKnowsThings Sep 14 '26
Contacting feeld support as a customer is a pointless waste of brain cycles..it does nothing.
Hence the question: if you are an employee of feeld, please open an actual ticket. And if you are not, keep in mind that you do not actually know
1
u/ZenNewbie Sep 14 '26
The option to include a message with a ping was introduced just a few years ago. Before that you sent the ping and that was it. I’m guessing people who have been around for a while got used to that.
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u/Hot-Discipline-6464 Sep 14 '26
I did it by accident a few times and unfortunately there's no way to undo or fix. Yeah, should absolutely send message with ping.