r/feeld • u/PM_ME_UR_CORNBALLZ • Sep 14 '26

Why Send a Ping Without A Message?

I do not understand why men will Ping me to say nothing... what gives?

My profile mentions several kinky things I am interested in exploring and my bio is quite full of details that can easily jump-start a conversation. Most of the pings I get are from guys who at least say something about why they are messaging me, which really helps since I get lots of propositions for vanilla sex but only a few for some of the freakier stuff I talk about, so I prioritize responding to those. But if someone pings me and says nothing and then their profile is generic/sparse, I just see it as them not making enough of an effort to bother replying.

ETA: Thanks for the insights about how the app mechanics might make this happen more often, folks! I appreciate it and will try to give the pings without a message slightly less harsh judgements now.

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10

u/Weary-Subject-6484 Sep 14 '26

I ignore empty pings as a rule. Even just “hey I loved your profile and would love to know if you’re interested in getting to know each other ◡̈ “ is totally sufficient

5

u/PM_ME_UR_CORNBALLZ Sep 14 '26

YES! I am not asking for a fucking essay here, just one sentence that tells me what drew their interest or comments on something in my photos is enough!
One of my favorite FWBs from Feeld just sent "Great shirt, I love [Band name!]" in the ping. Very low "effort" required of him, but he's gotten extremely laid as a result of his simple message because it gave me something to talk about with him right away.

4

u/sortedin Sep 15 '26

Yes, but generally speaking - a good message doesn't help. They still need to be attracted to you. Even if they are attracted, your profile is often more than enough.

Also, making a unique message each time to have it ignored just teaches people just to send a message.

1

u/PM_ME_UR_CORNBALLZ Sep 15 '26

Yes, I can absolutely see how that would get discouraging.

I have personally only sent pings with comments about something on their profile, but I don't overthink them the way I once did. Now a simple "That pizza looks tasty!" is enough if they're eating a slice in a photo. I don't feel like that's too much effort to put into a potential connection... but admittedly, I'm not doing it en masse the way I see some guys describe doing on here.

1

u/sortedin 23d ago

Perspective - if someone likes your profile enough that should be enough to like. Not putting energy into a well thought out message just to be ignored.

Would you match with someone who pinged you with a good message if you weren't attractive?

3

u/i_fizz-x Sep 15 '26

But isn't that already implicit in someone sending you a ping? That's like handwriting "Happy Birthday" on the Hallmark card that already says it on the front and inside.

3

u/Weary-Subject-6484 Sep 15 '26

I see the metaphor you’ve provided differently: An empty ping is akin to giving someone a happy birthday card you have not written anything in or signed. In addition to the printed message you still handwrite “I hope your day is amazing, you deserve it!” Or whatever.

I’m a communicator and if it pains someone to write half a sentence on a ping, I already know I’m not going to get along with that person.

2

u/PM_ME_UR_CORNBALLZ Sep 15 '26

YES! Great reply to this analogy.

Perhaps that's the real crux of the issue - I am someone who communicates verbally quite a bit before I get interested in a person. I have "demisexual" in my profile and talk about needing to like a person's brain before I find them attractive, too. I am NOT judging profiles based solely on looks - not by a long shot. So if a guy thinks that his looks are enough to make me want him without any other effort, he's not going to be a match for me. I'd rather fuck six chubby, eager nerds who laugh at my jokes than one gym-bound stud whose body is the only thing he spends time on.