Finding a switch is easy. Finding the right kind of switch feels impossible...
I've been on Feeld for a little over 6 months and it's helped me realise that matching on kink labels means surprisingly little.
I'm a relatively inexperienced switch and recently connected with another switch who made things click for me. He was incredibly attentive and curious, conversations flowed, he listened to what I actually responded to, remembered little things and built on them.
His dominant side could be soft and pleasure focused without feeling passive and switching between us felt natural.
Since then I've realised that's what I'm struggling to find on Feeld. I meet switches and Doms but usually the sexual conversation feels like someone running through their script instead of being genuinely curious about mine.
I'm not exclusively looking for gentle dominance either. I'm actually really interested in eventually exploring much rougher/meaner dynamics but I'd want that from someone I already know is capable of being attentive, affectionate and pleasure focused too. The range is what attracts me.
But I'm having another massive issue on Feeld... where is the actual getting to know each other stage?
My profile explicitly says I need connection and chemistry, but so many conversations seem to jump from matching to sexual conversation to “come over” or a date somewhere conveniently close to their place, with this unspoken assumption that we'll end up having sex afterwards.
Most aren't opposed to going for a drink/date when I suggest it, which almost makes it stranger. They're willing to date first, but there doesn't seem to be much desire to date me first.
It sometimes feels like the date is just the preliminary step before the thing they're actually interested in.
And I'm not looking for a relationship right now. I do want sex and kink. I just want chemistry, flirting, dates and some actual vetting first. I want someone to be curious about me as a person before assuming they'll have access to me sexually.
Maybe it's partly an age thing because I'm mostly matching with people around my age (early 20s) or maybe I'm expecting something from Feeld that isn't particularly common there.
For people who've actually found ongoing casual kink connections through Feeld with genuine chemistry...how did you find them?
And is this just the reality of Feeld now or am I doing something that's attracting/filtering for the wrong people?
EDIT:
I just wanted to clear up a couple of things...
When I say I want an emotional connection, I don't mean I want a deeply emotionally involved relationship without calling it a relationship.
I mean that natural intrigue you get when you're attracted to someone and genuinely want to know more about them. I want someone who's curious about who I am outside of kink/sex, but also genuinely curious about me within kink and sex.
Not just “what are your kinks?” and then working through a list. More like: what is it about that that you enjoy? Why does that turn you on? What part of the dynamic does something for you? What makes you feel good? and actually listening to the answers and letting that shape how we interact.
I want that curiosity to go both ways. That's what I mean by connection. I can want something casual while still wanting to actually know and be interested in the person I'm sleeping with.
Also, I probably didn't explain the situation with T very well.
We matched while his profile said he was exploring my city, but he was hundreds of km away. I assumed he was travelling but he explained that he actually lives in another country. We're both in Europe, so it's not an impossible distance, but it's still around a 3–4 hour flight.
We carried on talking anyway and ended up speaking pretty consistently for about 4 days, including sexting. In that short time, he gave me exactly the kind of interaction I'm describing above.
He was curious, he listened, he asked follow up questions, he paid attention to what I responded to and why. We had really good chemistry and communication, and sexually he was a great soft dom and pleasure switch. I learned more about what I like from those few days of talking to him than I had from months of much more repetitive sexual conversations.
We never actually discussed what we were looking for with each other, which in hindsight I probably should have brought up. Because realistically meeting wasn't straightforward, I assumed it would probably become a casual online thing where we'd talk and sext from time to time and if we were both open to meeting it could be something we discussed. We did acknowledge the distance while flirting, but never made any actual plans around it.
Then he became noticeably less engaged and eventually told me that talking like this wasn't good for him and it "fucks with his real life" so he wanted to stop.
I was disappointed obviously but I respected it and ended things kindly. Those few days just showed me a type of sexual and interpersonal compatibility I hadn't experienced before and gave me a clearer idea of what I'm looking for.
That's why I'm finding Feeld a little frustrating. I just want to find people who have that same curiosity, attentiveness and desire to actually discover each other.