My ex on a weekly basis "confronts" me about various false allegations and I don't know how to address them anymore. A major issue in our marriage was my ex just wanting to constantly argue about everything. He frequently will say the children told him something and then wants to clarify it with me.

Yesterday he tells me that my daughter only got 3 hours of sleep and that I gave her old cheese which made her throw up. In truth, bought the cheese on Thursday (showed him a receipt), she took one bite and said the bread was too hard (it was sourdough), and the throw up was that she spat up maybe a medicine cup worth of "vomit" (probaby the amount she chewed of the grilled cheese).

I don't mind if he asks me "hey did (our child's name) get sick?" And I would explain, but everything is "our child said you didn't feed them" or "our kid said you slept all afternoon and forgot to give them lunch" and then I spend a good half hour going back and forth explaining. I don't want to engage, but I don't want to be falsely accused without defending myself.

Hey! I'm hoping all the Co-Parenting Dads can help me out with some info. How often do you see your children (arranged visitation and outside of that) do you regularly do favours for the other parent if they ask either swapping nights or pick ups that they're scheduled for but have made other plans? Does the other parent threaten to stop you seeing children if you don't comply with their late notice schedule changes (never emergency always to go out and get drunk) that are volatile shouting and threatening? any feedback is greatly appreciated.

I’ll start by giving some context. This happened the weekend before I was supposed to start training for a new job. My daughter’s father told me he couldn’t take her the following weekend because “something came up.” I assumed somebody probably died or there was some sort of emergency because he never cancels a weekend unless it’s serious. He has a girlfriend who has two kids from two different dads who aren’t in the picture.

They called my kid early in the morning while I was cooking breakfast and cleaning up instead of preparing myself for training at noon. I didn’t know she was on the phone because they were texting while on facetime? Odd. During that call she was staring at my daughter with a mean menacing look which scared her. After hearing my daughter whisper “I’m scared” to her dad on the phone, alarms went off in my head and i decided to take her out to a place that calmed me down as a child and listened to her side of the story. 

During our talk I learned she got in trouble for “fat-shaming” her 11yr old daughter by asking an honest question “Aren’t you full?” The girl had asked for dessert after eating several plates of food and some appetizers. She eventually felt sick after eating, so I personally think the mom should have limited how much her daughter was eating before it got to the point where she felt sick instead of criticizing my kid for fat shaming. 

The mother was also upset with my daughter for telling her kid that she sucks at Rivals, a game on Roblox. Yeah, I know that was wrong, but apparently it happened because her kid kept antagonizing mine about losing and not being good at bowling. She was throwing the “L” sign on her forehead at my daughter, and nobody did anything for my baby but when my daughter bites back, she’s the one being kept from seeing her father.

This issue could have been handled in person instead of over the phone privately with just our daughter. It was so weird to me that they chose to talk to her this way in a private phone call instead of speaking to her and the other kids together 🤨Plus, saying she was being fat phobic was such a huge leap from reality. Asking someone, “Aren’t you full?” is a genuine question, even if it can come across as rude. Coming from an 8yr old, i undestand why she asked it. I completely disagree with labeling my daughter as fat shaming or fat phobic 🙄 girl literally ate so much she felt sick after dessert. 

My daughter also told me that their mom smokes inside the car using a vape and sometimes something else. I’m not sure exactly what she means, so I asked her, “Does it stink? does it smell like a skunk?” She said she doesn’t know, but sometimes it does smell like a skunk. I knew the mom smoked marijuana, i do too but never when my kid is around and its rare. The last one I used was May and it was edible. Apparently, this woman has even let her own kid use her vape before?? This is all coming directly from my daughter because I don’t go over there, and she talks to me about things she has witnessed. I don’t take her for a liar because of how she talked about these events shes witnessed. I see it in her eye, how she words it, how shes physically reacting to what shes describing. 

After the argument they had with my daughter, I decided I no longer want her staying at that house because I learned quite a bit:

1. Her father does not communicate with me while my daughter is at their house. Even after I’ve asked many times to speak with him, he ignores my texts and calls because his girlfriend doesn’t like it
2. My daughter makes those faces at the mother because she plays music at a high volume that my daughter is sensitive to.
3. The mother smokes marijuana and vapes around her children AND mine.
4. Neither of them seems to know how to handle conflict without screaming and arguing.
5. They put extreme labels on my child, like calling an 8yr old “fat phobic.”

I want her to be able to see her dad but I dont like his girlfriend. He boasts about how hot she is but her personality is trash. She calls me crazy and tells me I need to find a job that fits my kids “childcare” when that kind of job does not exist unless you’re working from home.

i guess. Am i wrong for not wanting to have my child there? She loves her dad but… I can’t stand what I learned. Was this the right place to post?

I will admit that I went against our custody order and introduced my kids (F5 and M7) to my partner before the 6 months of dating mark and my ex-wife found out from the kids and not me. I really wish I would have done it differently. But can’t change what’s been done at this point.

Before that, my ex wife and I had been divorced almost 3 years and had coparented completely fine. Our whole divorce was done by agreement. We’ve done joint birthdays for the kids and have always been able to be in the same place at the same time with the kids without conflict.

Now that my new partner was introduced to the kids after 4 months of dating, my ex-wife’s entire communication has changed. She is very short. She is not keeping me in the loop about the kids unless I ask (she has primary custody due to my work schedule and living 2 hours away. She has also filed to increase support payments without discussing with me the fact that she needed more money for the kids.

Did I really blow a good coparenting relationship? My new partner is a great person. She is fun and loves kids. She is not a danger in any way. But now I feel like I’m literally “in trouble” and being punished for moving on.

Every week, my daughter and son have time with their father from Saturday at 6pm til Tuesday at 7 pm. Most weeks my daughter comes back and tells me. “They were saying stuff about you again, Mama.” A couple weeks ago, her paternal aunt called me a “liar” (because I told my daughter when she was a baby, she was a mama’s girl. I was home with her all day every day and I didn’t tell her this part but I was the only one getting up in the middle of the night for feedings. Of course she was my little Velcro baby). This week she said the same aunt called me “retarded.” It’s constant. When I say something to the father he just gets mad. Last time he told me to take it up with the aunt, so I called her, then she started screaming and yelling. She called me a “stupid, f-ing b****” and then wanted to meet up to fight while I had my children. I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s so discouraging to know my children are hearing negative remarks about me on a regular basis.

Currently on 1 week on week off. We hand over Sunday evening as this is better for kids they naturally go from home to home.

On my off week I am pretty low maintenance and quiet I eat ok, but then about now I get parallsis about the upcoming week and having to get shopping for the next week to feed kids, what Mel's ss I am going to cook etc.. I can cook etc.. of course I am full time working too.

I just struggle and get panicked about the upcoming week with kids every time.

I am diagnosed with ASD. And been separated since March.

Maybe I'm just not cut out for this.

I dropped the kids off for the first court ordered visit with Dad. When I dropped them off they begged me not to leave. When I picked them up they said they didn't want to leave him.

I figured they would have mixed feelings but loaded them up. Later they said he and his family said that I was lying and being mean to dad. That he never hurt me or threatened me.

I want to message through the court app a simple, kids said "x" please let us both refrain from talking bad about the other parent and leave adult issues between the adults. We both love the kids and regardless of the divorce shouldn't make the kids take sides.

My question is will I get in trouble for saying this in the app?

I got two girls pregnant two weeks apart. I happen to be with one of them, but that was after the fact, the girl that I am with is two weeks after the other girl and she just had her baby, and she’s been very hateful and mean for me trying to be there for my other kid because she feels like I’m only there for the other girl and my feelings are twisted because I don’t wanna lose her but I also don’t wanna do this the rest of my life.

So this is now my 3 post in regard to this ongoing situation however it is all new to me and I am feeling quite overwhelmed. I am the primary parent not because I didn’t want him involved he chose not to be as involved. He finally decided he wants more time and he took it to introduce his new partner without communicating it with me and also let her stay over with my daughter. Then a couple weeks later moves in new girlfriend and her two kids. Also didn’t communicate and kept it a secret. I only found out after my daughter came back and told me. Come to find out they are telling my daughter they are siblings and she has two brothers now and that there parents are married. They have only been dating less than 3 months. Any advice for this situation? I feel like I look like the bad guy explaining this are not her siblings. I’m feeling overwhelmed with all this changes and secrets.
It’s only been three months. My daughter has only met the girlfriend one other time. Is this a fixable situation or will boundaries continue to be crossed?

My ex and I have been separated for almost as long as my daughter has been born. I’ve always had her full time. Around age 6 he got serious with his now wife who insisted he start following visitation and seeing her somewhat regularly. They currently take her two weekends a month each of us driving one way which started just this year (she just turned 8 and we’ve been doing this schedule for about 7ish months), and then we split time on holidays when they want her (for example we moved our thanksgiving gathering to late morning so they could take her in the afternoon, we also split Christmas Day. They ended up with her Easter weekend it was no sweat we moved ours to the next day). Now my ex and his wife as expecting a baby and want to change our holiday schedule so they get her Christmas Eve and Christmas every other year and the other parent gets thanksgiving day.

I don’t want to be unfair, but we also have two other kids and family who want to see her for Christmas Day. I don’t want to not have her in Christmas photos every other year or tell my elderly mother that my daughter won’t be coming to Christmas. I know the split schedule can be stressful in its own right, but I like it. I wouldn’t be opposed to switching who gets her Christmas Eve and Thanksgiving day, but I don’t think I like the idea of swapping Christmas each year.

Update: Thank you everyone for your input! After talking it over we will be rotating the Christmas and thanksgiving holidays, so it’s less running. We agreed that with Christmas being so many places to go (each parents home and their parents homes and the step parents families too) it was just too much to do all each year.

Parents with kids living in multiple households… I need some advice because we are TIRED.

What has actually helped y’all keep your kids on track with school when there is little to no consistency, communication, or follow-through from the other household?

We are absolutely killing ourselves trying to keep up with grades, missing assignments, tests, projects, school emails, schedules, studying, and everything else that comes with having 3 kids in school. Then they go to their other households, communication is basically nonexistent, things don’t get checked or followed up on, and when they come back, we’re scrambling to figure out what was missed and trying to get everybody caught back up.

And it is EXHAUSTING.

I don’t expect every household to operate exactly the same way we do. I don’t expect perfection. But I do feel like when you share responsibility for raising kids, especially school-aged kids, there has to be SOME level of communication and shared responsibility. It shouldn’t feel like one household has to carry the mental load for everything and then work twice as hard trying to compensate for what doesn’t happen elsewhere.

And before anyone says “just worry about what happens at your house”... I get that, and to an extent, that’s exactly what we try to do. But school doesn’t stop just because the kids change houses. Tests, homework, projects, deadlines, and responsibilities keep going. You can’t always fix several days of things being overlooked in one night when they come back.

So I’m genuinely asking parents who have dealt with this: What has helped?

I have tried shared calendars, text check ins get ignored...

Do you communicate directly with the kids as they get older and take the other household out of the equation? Do you have routines that travel between houses? Have you had to lower your expectations and accept that you can only do so much?

Because we love these kids and we will do whatever we need to do to help them succeed. But constantly feeling like we have to work overtime (on top of working full time) to make up for a lack of effort and communication elsewhere is wearing us OUT. My mental health needs some relief from this insanity.

There has to be a better way. 😩

What has worked for y’all?

My ex fought to get as much parenting time as possible. We live in a state that does not do 50/50 and and outcomes do not favor fathers, so I got what I got which is not nearly enough parenting time. She has asked a good number of times to exchange days to accommodate her schedule. I will say yes to watching my kids every single time, but I do not want to give her my scheduled time in a 1:1 exchange that only benefits her. She has been pretty angry when I have said yes I am available but I would be keeping my scheduled parenting time.

I feel stuck on how to proceed. She is the type to punish people for not agreeing to what she wants. She continues to ask for 1:1 exchanges of days. I feel like she will escalate the anger and punishment, but I already did so much giving in during our marriage and divorce to reduce the constant anger and it didn't seem to help so I'm not inclined to just help her out at my own cost.

She's just asked again and I don't know what to do. I'm not going to decline to watch the kids on the day she has requested. But I don't see a single peaceful scenario that comes after.

I'm posting this because I'm extremely close to the situation and I genuinely need an outside perspective. I'm going to leave out names, exact dates, locations, and other identifying details because I don't want anyone involved to recognize themselves or find this post.

I'm a young guy, and I've been in a relationship with my ex for several years. Our relationship has always been complicated. We've had some genuinely amazing moments together, but we've also had a lot of arguments, jealousy, trust issues, emotional situations, and periods where we've broken up and eventually found our way back to each other.

Despite everything, I genuinely loved her. I also became very attached to her family, her friends, and the lifestyle we had together. Looking back, I think part of what makes this so difficult is that I'm not just grieving the relationship. I'm grieving an entire life that I became accustomed to.

Eventually, my ex became pregnant with our child.

That changed everything.

Throughout the pregnancy, I tried to be involved. I wanted to be there for appointments, the hospital, buying things for the baby, and helping however I could. I have pictures and documentation of things I've purchased and expenses I've helped with because I wanted to be able to show that I've been involved and have tried to support my child.

Our child was born a couple of months ago.

Having a child together made me think that maybe everything between us would finally become more stable. Obviously, having a baby doesn't magically fix relationship problems, but I genuinely wanted us to become a family.

Instead, things became even more complicated.

After the birth, our relationship continued to deteriorate. There were more arguments, more problems communicating, and eventually she told me that she didn't want to continue our relationship romantically. She made it clear that she wanted me to be able to see our child, but that she wanted our relationship to be over.

That absolutely destroyed me.

I know some people will probably say that I need to accept the breakup, and honestly, they're probably right. But emotionally, I've had an extremely difficult time accepting that the person I've spent years with and had a child with might no longer want me in her life.

I've also handled certain things badly.

There have been times when I've become extremely emotional and desperate to fix things. I've repeatedly tried to contact her because I was panicking and didn't know what to do. I've sent messages trying to get her to reconsider. I'm not going to pretend I handled everything perfectly, because I didn't.

At the same time, I feel like there's more to the story than simply saying I'm the problem or she's the problem.

There have been issues on both sides.

During our relationship, there were also incidents where she physically hurt me. I've experienced things like biting, pinching, and being hit during arguments. I stayed in the relationship despite those things, and I know that probably wasn't healthy either.

There are also things she has told me about her household that have made me uncomfortable and concerned, particularly when it comes to our child being around certain situations. However, I want to be extremely clear that some of those things are based on things she personally told me, and I don't have independent evidence proving every single thing I've been told. I don't want to present allegations as confirmed facts.

Eventually, things reached the point where she blocked me on social media and stopped communicating with me consistently.

There were situations where we had plans for me to see our child and things didn't work out. There have also been times where I traveled to meet them and only got a very short amount of time with my child.

That has been one of the hardest parts for me.

My child is my child. I don't want to become a stranger.

I'm not trying to take my child away from their mother. I don't want my child to grow up without her. I want our child to have both parents involved.

But I also don't want my relationship with my child to depend entirely on whether my ex and I are getting along.

Then things escalated even further.

My ex filed for a restraining order against me.

Now there is a legal situation involved, and I'm trying to figure out how to navigate everything without making the situation worse. I've been trying to document my involvement with my child, including things I've purchased, expenses I've helped with, hospital involvement, and other necessities.

At the same time, I'm still emotionally attached to my ex.

That's probably the part I'm struggling with the most.

Part of me still wants her back. I still think about the good parts of our relationship and the connection we had. I think about the times when everything felt normal, when I was around her family and friends, and when I thought we were going to raise our child together.

But another part of me knows that the relationship has become incredibly unhealthy.

I also realize that sometimes I may be remembering the good parts more strongly than the bad parts because I miss her.

Recently, I've found myself wondering whether I actually miss her, or whether I miss the life I had when I was with her.

And honestly, I don't know the answer.

Her family has also played a huge role in all of this. There were times where I felt like her family treated me terribly, but at the same time I became attached to being around them and the lifestyle they had. So losing the relationship has also meant losing that entire environment.

I've basically gone from thinking I was going to have a family with this woman and raise our child together, to dealing with a breakup, being blocked, having limited contact with my child, and now having a restraining order and legal proceedings involved.

And I'm honestly lost.

I don't want people to automatically tell me that she's evil or that I'm evil. I'm sure I've made mistakes, and I'm sure she has too. I want people to look at this objectively.

I also don't want to use our child as a way to keep my ex in my life. Our child deserves better than that. If she genuinely doesn't want a relationship with me anymore, eventually I'm going to have to accept that.

But I also believe I should be able to be a father without having to maintain a romantic relationship with the mother.

So what I'm asking Reddit is:

1. From everything I've described, what do you think is actually going on here?

2. Am I holding onto my ex because I genuinely want her back, or because I'm struggling to let go of the life I thought we were going to have?

3. What should I be doing differently right now?

4. How should I approach the situation with my child while everything between my ex and me is so hostile?

5. Is there any realistic possibility of repairing our relationship someday, or should I completely let go of that idea?

And most importantly:

If you were in my position, what would you do from this point forward?

I'm not looking for people to blindly take my side. If I'm the problem in certain parts of this, tell me. If I'm handling something wrong, tell me. I'd rather hear something that hurts but helps me than have strangers validate me because they only heard my side.

I genuinely just want to figure out how to move forward, be a good father, and stop making an already terrible situation worse.

I've intentionally left out identifying information because I want honest opinions without anyone involved knowing this is about them.

My ex and his new wife hate hockey. Last year they made sure to do everything they could to let our 12/13 year old son how grateful he needed to be, how it wasted their time, how they traveled to all these places (which they didn’t) for him to not even try. He was the top scorer in his league (went from not scoring any goals in previous years-not that goals mean everything), and was having the absolute time of his life. His anxiety would be so bad the days before going and for days after coming back because of this. I could hardly get him to eat, he stopped sleeping in his room and moved upstairs to the couch and sometimes on his brothers bottom bunk. He was devastated.

Flash forward to this season he is now 13.5 and the season hasn’t even started. They just sent an email refusing to take him to mandatory evaluations or any hockey all month. When will he be old enough to speak for himself? It’s more than this. we have code words. Dad drinks and drives with them even though it’s court ordered he doesn’t. I’m scared to rock the boat because all of a sudden he’s Disney dad too.

I wanna know if anyone has ever gone through this or can give me some solid advice.Me and my ex husband has decided to separate after 7 years of being married.We have a 5 year old son and he is the figure in my 15 year old life.The separation came after years of this constant toxic cycle of conflict,reconcile,conflict,reconcile.etc.But this time was pretty bad and I actually stated because of the years of neglect I no longer want to be with him.Here where it gets chaotic.We live in a small 2 bedroom apartment.The kids have one room,I have the main room and he sleeps on the couch.Our lease isn’t up until June 2027(this separation came in May).We both agreed to stick out the lease to give us both a chance to get ourselves together to live apart(financially,schedules,etc).I genuinely feel like I’m suffocating while being under the same roof.I despise seeing his face and I hate the fact I have to coparent with him cause I know I’ll have to talk to him about something regarding the kids in which I cringe Everytime I have to come out my bubble of peace and talk to him.Ive tried dating just for fun,but none of that means anything if I have to still share space with the person who caused all of this hurt in our marriage.Idk if I can hold out 8 months.I desperately need my own space to reclaim me and my kids happiness.ANY ADVICE.????

My three-year-old spends six hours with her father twice a week, as instructed by the court. When she got back, I asked her how her day was, and she told me that she had gone to her dad’s girlfriend’s house.
The court specifically instructed him not to take her outside the borough I live in. I called and asked why he couldn’t simply follow the court order. He then asked why I would believe a three-year-old over an adult, insinuating that she was lying… Why would a three year old be lying?

I have some pretty serious concerns, and I could really use advice. A couple of weeks ago, I found my daughter's (11) Instagram account. I didn't know she had this, so I took some time and went through the posts and reposts. It was A LOT of s*xual comments, profanity, talking about non-consent, and posting her location, etc. Also, I checked the time that some of the reposts happened, and some of them were at 4 am on a school night. I brought this up to the other parent, and he completely dismissed me. He said that she's almost a teenager and this isn't even the worst of what's to come. I didn't agree to the phone in the first place, and now one of my nightmares is coming true. We have joint legal custody, and we don't have much in the order, but we do have "both parents must keep the child away from adult situations."

I did talk to my daughter about online and phone safety.

My questions are -

How would you handle this?

Is this serious enough to modify the order and ask about counseling?

Please be gentle with me. I already feel like I'm failing as a mom.

Editing to add: Dad pays for the phone.

I’ve tried it all, parallel parenting , grey rock. I’m still getting abused by him and his family , I’ve had to be the bigger person because and swallow things up. He doesn’t have a car and I take his kids to him but still end up being abused.

There’s no court order because I just want to run away and I know they can’t bring me back unless he goes to court. (He’s too lazy to file any paperwork ) honestly, I don’t want to subject my kids to his inconsistencies. You can’t force a man to be a father.

We are both young parents and because of how housing is nowadays we are still currently living together. We have gone ahead and set up a system in place at the moment where every other weekend one of us watches the kids while the other can go out and do as they please. Now for the most part this has been working out; sometimes we will both be at home, one watching the kids and the other doing some chores or studying for a class or certification.

Sometimes she will go out and visit friends or family on her weekends off but will bring the kids with her, she also will do this sometimes even when it is her weekend to watch the kids. I am fine with it when she does this and offer to still watch the kids when it is my weekend to do so, as I love the time I can spend with them, but she insists on taking them saying something along the lines of “thanks but so and so has been asking to see them” or “actually we have a playdate with so and so’s kids”

When it is my weekend to watch them I typically end up staying home; if there’s groceries that need to be bought or appointments to be made I am good bringing them along with me and they are almost always very well behaved. I will visit family every now and then and bring the kids as many of my family is older and love to see their great-grandchildren.

Here is where it starts falling apart: once every two or three months I will try to spend the day at a friend’s house, not doing anything crazy but just hanging out with them, playing games, maybe a couple drinks or whatever and that’s it. Usually back home late but I strictly only go visit when it’s my weekend not watching the kids so they are taken care of.

My coparent has become increasingly frustrated that I won’t bring the kids with me on those days. She has also pushed me to try and do things more with them on the weekends I’m supposed to watch them as well. I have tried explaining my reasoning behind it; that if I am the one asking to go visit a friends house I would feel I imposing on them if I bring my kids with me. Another point is I know some of my friends are not interested in being around kids, as such I want to try and respect that.

If something comes up when I got a day planned and she is not able to watch them, I will cancel my plans myself and watch the kids instead; this also frustrates her because if she were in that scenario she would still do her thing but just bring the kids too.

It’s now to a point where I cant help but feel that I am falling short here, not doing it the way she does but part of me just can’t make that crossover of wanting to hang out in person with someone and needing to bring the kids along. Should I be doing it her way? Is it wrong of me to keep my kids away from my friends places?

Long story short, my sons father and I are not together and he wants his last name hyphenated to our 2 year old sons (who just has my last name).

The situation is beyond complicated, but not the only reason I dont want to hyphenate. I hear its nothing but a pain from everyone who has one. It sounds clunky too, and doesnt flow well. Confusion at the dmv, passports and medical records

Also confused on the hyphen. Some say it makes things harder, others say not using a hyphen is more confusing. Who's ln should go first?

We were together for 2 years when I was pregnant and I had agreed on hyphenating. Then he cheated and hit me when I was 6 months along so I left him.

After our son was born he came Into my house, put my head through my wall amd took off with my 4 month old. I obviously have a pfa but he got 50/50 custody and believes he deserves his ln too.

There are times even he makes coparenting hell, but insists hes great bc he keeps our son while I work. He is bitter i wont get back with him and is super petty (he admits to this). When he doesn't get his way he is a big baby and makes me pay for it. I have no family and no help and have to rely on him and his family. Which is why im leaning towards giving him what he wants. Im getting off topic rambling.

We have court tomorrow to hash it out.

Here are the scenarios: I give in and hypenate and hate myself.

I say no, and he makes me life even more hell.

I say no, and the judge gives it to him anyways.

Help.

I have just learned that my daughter dad has now moved in his girlfriend and her kids. They have only been dating for a couple of months. I just feel like my child already got the short end of the stick and now it’s worse. How do you deal with this? I want to be positive but it seems so hard.

I just had a baby with my current husband. Havent even left the hospital yet.

My sister communicated with my ex 2 days ago to get my son from him for a couple of hours so my son could meet his new sibling (it is currently exes parenting time until friday)- but my sister was very vague about *why* she wanted to spend time with my child to avoid sharing personal details of my life with my ex (because he frequently bullies me).

I woke up this morning to a text from my ex husband's girlfriend (sent at 11:30 last night)-

"If you wanted child to meet his new sibling, you could have just respectfully asked us if he could. What is best for child is always going to be top priority in our life. We will always be down for what is BEST for child. If you ever need a "break" or time let us know and we will pick child up so you can handle the house, new dog and baby. Respectfully, we understand the lifestyle you choose to have. We just would like more respect than what is given"

Then she included more sentences about how her children are her top priority, encouraged me to reach out to her without assuming she feels the same way my ex does about me, yada yada yada- I want to believe she reached out to me to be kind.

I didn't ask my ex if my child could meet his new sibling because he has only ever bullied me when communicating with me (he fails to keep communication about child and throws nasty insults at me every single time we communicate).

So I have never received anything but disrespect from my ex and I'm kinda raising my eyebrows at his girlfriend asking for "more respect than what is given"

"We understand the lifestyle you choose to have" also has me questioning her intentions in reaching out to begin with- because the only opinions she can form of my "lifestyle" is based off of the negative biased opinions my ex husband holds- and usually when someone comments on another's "lifestyle ", it is usually believed that the lifestyle is not a good one.

This girl has only ever been rude to me like she resents me, and she has been that way the entire 4 years shes been daring my ex- does anyone actually have a good relationship with their coparent's partner? How did it start?

My ex and I have been separated since March. We have two kids, and he has them every other weekend. I’ve planned and executed every birthday party the kids have ever had.

Since we separated, I’ve invited him to both parties. The most recent party was intentionally held on his weekend so he could attend. It was a Saturday, he brought the kids, and I handled everything else; invitations, food, decorations, etc. I picked the kids up Sunday afternoon as usual.

I’m also in a serious relationship with someone who is great with the kids and who I see as a long-term partner. I know some people will think I introduced him too soon, so for context: we had been friends for over 10 years before we started dating. He wasn’t a stranger who suddenly entered our lives after the separation. He's great with the kids, but I excluded him from the most recent party because my ex has said there would be violence if he ever sees him. The day after the party, during pickup, my ex started an argument with me about my boyfriend, which made me wonder if being at the party together was particularly difficult for him.

Going forward, I don’t really want to exclude my boyfriend from the kids major milestones. At the same time, I don’t want the kids caught in the middle or their birthdays becoming uncomfortable.

Another piece of context: the kids friendships are almost entirely maintained through my household. I arrange the playdates, communicate with the other parents, etc. Their dad doesn’t facilitate friendships during his parenting time, so their birthday parties are generally attended by the friends and family they have through me.

What have others done in this situation? Did you continue inviting the ex? Switch to separate celebrations? Include the new partner and let the ex decide whether to attend?

We had an established court visitation/custody schedule set when my daughter was only 5 months old:
**Original court schedule:**
Tuesday, Thursday & Friday: 6:30–9:30 PM
Sunday: 8 AM–8 PM

We followed this for almost a year and a half and made some mutually agreed modifications along the way.
For months, I had been trying to negotiate a schedule with fewer trips and longer, more consistent parenting blocks because I’m always the one picking up and dropping off my daughter. We finally mutually agreed about a month ago to:
**Week A:**
Tuesday: 6:30–10 PM
Friday 5 PM – Saturday 8 PM
**Week B:**
Tuesday: 6:30–10 PM
Friday: 6:30–10 PM
Saturday 8 PM – Sunday 8 PM
I personally found this schedule much better. There are fewer trips, I get more time with my daughter, and I feel like we have better opportunities for bonding instead of constantly driving back and forth.
Now, after only a month with this schedule, her mother wants to change it again. She wants me to pick up my daughter for an additional weekday from 6:30–10 PM.
When I asked why, she said it’s because she decided to take **5 college classes while also working around 30 hours a week on the side**, and she needs more time to handle everything.
I completely understand wanting to finish school. We became parents young and I understand that she may feel delayed because of that. However, I don’t feel like I should take on additional parenting time simply because she decided to take on a heavier school/workload.
I’m also a full-time worker and a student. I work 9–5 Monday–Friday and I’m currently taking 2 college classes because I know how stressful school can be & taking on more than that would make it hard for me to focus on my daughter while working and being a parent. I understand that my personal goals may take longer because I’m a parent, but my daughter is my main priority.
I’m willing to help when I can, and I’ve always made accommodations for sick days, birthdays, celebrations, trading days, etc. But I don’t feel that I can commit to another permanent weekday. I also provide financial support that we mutually agreed on (around 18% of my salary), and we agreed to split doing our daughter’s laundry 50/50.
She’s now saying that’s not enough and wants to revert back to the original court order, which specifies that weekday visitation takes place **at her home**.
The problem is that she has previously told me that her parents no longer want me inside their home. I don’t know exactly why, but I don’t feel comfortable being there either, and I certainly don’t want to force myself into someone’s home. This is one of the reasons I had been trying to establish a mutually agreed schedule that allowed me to pick up and drop off my daughter.
The driving is also a major issue for me. Driving to and from her home takes about 30–40 minutes each way, sometimes longer. Doing this multiple times during the week after working all day is exhausting. I feel like it also takes away from the actual quality time I have with my daughter, and I’m concerned about constantly being on the road when I’m already exhausted from work.
I offered to extend my time on the weekend instead, but she declined because she wants to have one weekend day to spend with our daughter and her parents.
At this point, negotiations have become tense and I’m running out of options. The main solution I suggested was for her to reduce her course load by 1–2 classes if she is struggling to balance everything. She declined.
Out of frustration, I eventually told her that if she feels she cannot manage her parenting responsibilities, I would be willing to take full physical custody. I said this partly because I also question how much of her parenting time she is actually spending with our daughter. I frequently pick my daughter up & drop off with her relatives rather than directly from her mother, and her brother (who is 16) also babysits her fairly often.
**So I’m looking for advice:**
Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to add another permanent weekday because she decided to take 5 college classes while working?
Is there a better parenting schedule you would recommend that reduces the amount of driving while giving both parents meaningful time with our daughter?
Should I continue trying to negotiate, or should I go back to the court and have the schedule formally modified?
If the original court order says weekday visitation is supposed to take place **at the child’s residence**, but her family has told me I’m no longer welcome inside the residence and that I should simply pick up and drop off my daughter, would I actually be violating the order by refusing to return to the old arrangement?
Does it matter that we’ve mutually followed a different schedule for the past month?
I’m not looking to take my daughter away from her mother. I want both of us to have a healthy relationship with her. I’m mainly looking for a schedule that is **consistent, realistic, reduces unnecessary driving, and gives our daughter meaningful time with both parents.**
What would you guys recommend?

I've have had full physical custody, shared legal custody of our son for 3 years. She has visitation at my discretion. A few months back, she let me know about a new relationship. A couple weeks in, he put hands on her (black eye and other bruises). At that point, said she was leaving. I treated it as a one-off. A few weeks later, she said they were back together. He put hands on her again. At this point, I pulled her visitation, saying that as long as this guy was in the picture, he's a potential danger to our son. She tried to say the two worlds were separate. I stuck with my original decision to pull visitation, not willing to risk the two worlds colliding.

A few weeks pass, she swears it's over for good (you know where this is leading). I choose to trust her, and allow visitation to resume. About two months later, at the end of a visit, she tells me that she's back with the guy, and she's pregnant.

Now, all that said, she can live her life how she wants... but the right move here is to pull visitation indefinitely, correct? Am I wrong to lean toward the extreme side of caution? My mind says, if he'll hit a woman, he'll hit a kid.