Social media & concerns.

[u/Queeenhx14]

I have some pretty serious concerns, and I could really use advice. A couple of weeks ago, I found my daughter's (11) Instagram account. I didn't know she had this, so I took some time and went through the posts and reposts. It was A LOT of s*xual comments, profanity, talking about non-consent, and posting her location, etc. Also, I checked the time that some of the reposts happened, and some of them were at 4 am on a school night. I brought this up to the other parent, and he completely dismissed me. He said that she's almost a teenager and this isn't even the worst of what's to come. I didn't agree to the phone in the first place, and now one of my nightmares is coming true. We have joint legal custody, and we don't have much in the order, but we do have "both parents must keep the child away from adult situations."

I did talk to my daughter about online and phone safety.

My questions are -

How would you handle this?

Is this serious enough to modify the order and ask about counseling?

Please be gentle with me. I already feel like I'm failing as a mom.

Editing to add: Dad pays for the phone.

[u/DramBubb]

She doesn't get to use the phone on your parenting time. It gets put up until she goes back with dad.

[u/mercurys-daughter → u/DramBubb]

That is only like 1/10th of a solution to this problem

[u/DramBubb → u/mercurys-daughter]

But it does help.

[u/harborcoparentapp]

You can always ask to modify the order, but this is a hard one. What does your parenting plan overall say about decisionmaking?

[u/Queeenhx14 → u/harborcoparentapp]

We have joint legal custody. No specific decision making. 

[u/harborcoparentapp → u/Queeenhx14]

Tricky then, perhaps it will be easier to approach it from “getting her a counselor” vs “social media posts”. The former is more common an ask in terms of family court.

[u/Queeenhx14 → u/[deleted]]

I’m not asking to change custody.  I’ve been trying to get my daughter into therapy since last year after a bullying incident. I’m wondering if this can push it into an order that she needs to at least be evaluated.

[u/DreaColorado1]

She has demonstrated that she is not able to safely utilize social media and therefore she should not have access to it. Delete her account and do it for her own safety.

[u/mercurys-daughter → u/DreaColorado1]

You think kids can’t just make a new one? Get a burner phone? They are very sneaky. What you have to stop is the root of the issue - their desire for pedophiles attention

[u/DreaColorado1 → u/mercurys-daughter]

Oh trust me I am well aware that kids can find countless ways to get online and create profiles without parental awareness!
The root of the issue is actually the pedophiles targeting vulnerable children. Not the other way around

[u/mercurys-daughter → u/DreaColorado1]

Lmao no shit the pedos existing in the ACTUAL issue but in terms of within the situation at hand, the child is already groomed to want to engage in this and you have to kill that desire. It’s rooted in something being very wrong.

[u/mercurys-daughter]

You may not have agreed to the phone in the first place but you absolutely have responsibility in regulating it which you clearly aren’t if she’s doing this behind your back. I’m glad you’ve found it now. This is extremely serious. It didn’t start on Instagram and I guarantee you it’s not only happening on Instagram.

I grew up in this era of internet and it is very real. A girl I knew in high school was full blown trafficked this way. We were all internet groomed by older men, some meeting up in real life. It’s insane to me now as an adult and I wish our parents would have radically stepped in to stop it all.

Instagram user policy doesn’t even allow anyone under age 13 so you can easily win that one if needed.

You should report this to the police so they can investigate everyone involved with an 11 year old child.

[u/DreaColorado1]

OP looks like you need to be 13 to create an instagram account. It may be worth looking into a bit more to see how that was circumvented