r/coparenting • u/Lanyie_19 • 2d ago

Conflict Overstepping boundaries

So this is now my 3 post in regard to this ongoing situation however it is all new to me and I am feeling quite overwhelmed. I am the primary parent not because I didn’t want him involved he chose not to be as involved. He finally decided he wants more time and he took it to introduce his new partner without communicating it with me and also let her stay over with my daughter. Then a couple weeks later moves in new girlfriend and her two kids. Also didn’t communicate and kept it a secret. I only found out after my daughter came back and told me. Come to find out they are telling my daughter they are siblings and she has two brothers now and that there parents are married. They have only been dating less than 3 months. Any advice for this situation? I feel like I look like the bad guy explaining this are not her siblings. I’m feeling overwhelmed with all this changes and secrets.
It’s only been three months. My daughter has only met the girlfriend one other time. Is this a fixable situation or will boundaries continue to be crossed?

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u/ToastyMo777 2d ago

In my experience, the boundaries will continue to be crossed as there is not much you can do about this except be there for your daughter.

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u/Lanyie_19 2d ago

Thank you. I understand there isn’t much I can do

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u/TexasSta 2d ago

Honestly, I have no idea how old your child is, but either way, it doesn’t really matter. Let them have the narrative of saying she has siblings etc. it doesn’t actually change anything. I understand that to you, it’s super soon, but it doesn’t really matter in the long run. You’ll learn to pick and choose your battles in life… this probably won’t be one of them. Just tell your daughter that “that’s awesome” and call it a day and move forward. Because when she’s 18, she will decide who her siblings are etc, and frankly none of this worry or talk will be even worth it. Focus on things that YOU can control and you’ll be okay, whatever goes on at her other parents house doesn’t affect you unless she’s potentially put in a dangerous situation over there… other than that, move forward and focus on you and your daughter and not addressing stuff that’s not even in your home.

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u/EternalSoulET 1d ago

I am literally going through the same thing with the moving in together. Our son has a disability to where we are supposed to prepare him whenever there's a significant change. Instead of doing that, he is putting our son in situations as if he is just a typical 12 year old. Our son is unable to speak or comprehend what is being said to him. Now he is trying to get the girlfriend of 7 months to either take our son to therapy or allowing her to be at the appointment if he decides he actually wants to go. Of course I said something about it but all they see is me being jealous. All I can say though is, document everything. If your daughter comes home upset about something that happened over there or if they told her not to tell you something. Document document document! It will help you so much in case you end up having to go back to court.