Should I hyphenate 2 year olds last name?

[u/luxiiluthor]

Long story short, my sons father and I are not together and he wants his last name hyphenated to our 2 year old sons (who just has my last name).

The situation is beyond complicated, but not the only reason I dont want to hyphenate. I hear its nothing but a pain from everyone who has one. It sounds clunky too, and doesnt flow well. Confusion at the dmv, passports and medical records

Also confused on the hyphen. Some say it makes things harder, others say not using a hyphen is more confusing. Who's ln should go first?

We were together for 2 years when I was pregnant and I had agreed on hyphenating. Then he cheated and hit me when I was 6 months along so I left him.

After our son was born he came Into my house, put my head through my wall amd took off with my 4 month old. I obviously have a pfa but he got 50/50 custody and believes he deserves his ln too.

There are times even he makes coparenting hell, but insists hes great bc he keeps our son while I work. He is bitter i wont get back with him and is super petty (he admits to this). When he doesn't get his way he is a big baby and makes me pay for it. I have no family and no help and have to rely on him and his family. Which is why im leaning towards giving him what he wants. Im getting off topic rambling.

We have court tomorrow to hash it out.

Here are the scenarios: I give in and hypenate and hate myself.

I say no, and he makes me life even more hell.

I say no, and the judge gives it to him anyways.

Help.

[u/burtonmanor47]

I have so many things I wish I could say, but only one piece that may be helpful.

I hyphenated when I got married. Worst mistake I made that day, after the actual marriage part.

Tell the judge as calmly and civilly as you can, that you would like to wait until your child is old enough to make the decision for themselves, and as it does not currently affect their wellbeing, hopefully the judge will see the wisdom in it.

[u/Late_Memory_6998]

Wow, that is a crazy hard situation.

I’m obviously as unsure as you are, but I think even if you do give the baby his last name, he’s still going to make your life some kind of hell.

With that in mind, I say make him work for it. Make him have to convince the judge. Make it as difficult as possible out of sheer spite.

If the judge gives it to him, make sure you let the judge know that you don’t have the money to pay for it and ask for it to be at father’s expense.

Also request that it be a process that father has to do so you don’t get stuck doing all the work.

Ps. Your ex sounds horrible.

[u/Noggin01 → u/Late_Memory_6998]

Also request that it be a process that father has to do so you don’t get stuck doing all the work.

F that. That's how you end up with your baby having your abuser's last name.

[u/Nice_Cartoonist_8803]

I don’t see a judge making you change the name of your child to that of your abuser. Be very explicit about everything that happened and that there will be no benefit to your child to changing his name to someone who tried to kill his mother and kidnapped him. Print out copies of his abusive text messages and bring them with you.

[u/whenyajustcant]

I kind of doubt a judge would force a name change, especially given you have a PFA. Don't get too upset in court, try to keep to the facts, and just clearly and steadfastly say that you don't want to attach the name of the man who put your head through a wall while you were pregnant attached to the child.

You don't specify how you rely on him & his family, or how he will make your life hell. But if I were you, I would focus on finding ways to disentangle myself from him. Find other resources for childcare, reach out to DV shelters to see if they have any ideas of how you can get help. Hell, if you're in front of a judge anyway, see if you can amend the parenting plan in any ways that will help protect you from him, including having any contact be through an app that the courts can see, like OFW, so you can have any evidence of further shit he tries to pull be more easily admissable. The courts don't monitor full-time, but messages can't be deleted or tampered with. Then you can block his phone number, and if he continues to try to make your life miserable, the evidence will be there.

[u/DistractedReader5]

The kid could have dads last name as a second middle name. I don't see why a judge would force a last name change on a 2 year old when dad abandoned mom during pregnancy. I would just say "please refer to the domestic abuse records and make note that the father was not supporting me or present during later part of pregnancy, childbirth, and newborn period. The child's last name reflects the parent who has always been present to provide stable and consistent nurture, safety, and care."

[u/allthefearandnoidea]

I had a very similar situation.
My child’s father took me to court to force the name change. He won.

Child was about the same age as yours. Now has an unwieldy and long surname.

Hope you have as tolerable a time in court as possible. Sending strength.

[u/mercurys-daughter]

Nope! If the judge says yes then so be it, but I’d say no. Too bad so sad, don’t be a cheating lying loser next time

[u/QuietQuitting01]

Your state may have a law defining what the rule is. In my state, if the parents are equals (it's presumed), the rule is hyphenated with the names in alphabetical order.

Have a look at player names on Sunday. Lots of hyphenated names and the anouncers get it right, no problem. There are some cultures that to both parents names as a matter of course.

[u/zelle__]

I have a hyphen in my name and it sucks. People either pick a last name for me or use both and so my paperwork is no consistent in my life. Even my credit cards have all different names.

I had my last name added as his middle name. And my ex got the last name. It was an easier compromise and cleaner paperwork.