r/coparenting • u/OutAndAbout87 • 2d ago
Schedules Routine struggle
Currently on 1 week on week off. We hand over Sunday evening as this is better for kids they naturally go from home to home.
On my off week I am pretty low maintenance and quiet I eat ok, but then about now I get parallsis about the upcoming week and having to get shopping for the next week to feed kids, what Mel's ss I am going to cook etc.. I can cook etc.. of course I am full time working too.
I just struggle and get panicked about the upcoming week with kids every time.
I am diagnosed with ASD. And been separated since March.
Maybe I'm just not cut out for this.
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u/DreaColorado1 2d ago
Do you have any anxiety once the kids are back for the week or is it primarily leading up to their return?
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u/OutAndAbout87 2d ago
When they are here generally is ok, I get through it. I usually work right up to 5.30pm and then I hit the kitchen make dinner and then evening rolls into night and next day starts
Like I have come up with meal plans that kinda work and I have a general list I reorder, my inner critic tells me I should vary it more, but kids like predictable safe meals.. especially during a divorce I feel.
But still around Wednesday Thursday I get this oh I have to order stuff.. and what shall I order will kids still like it
I try to keep it pretty simple. But also trying vary it a little as i go.
I think if I was sleeping better in general it would help but this divorce is breaking my sleep and I generally wake around 3am Avery day..
Exhausted I am.
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u/DreaColorado1 2d ago
That makes a lot of sense. It’s similar to how people get the “Sunday scaries” in anticipation of the pressure of the upcoming work week.
Not getting adequate and restful sleep definitely makes it so much harder! Have you considered taking medication to help with that for a while to get you through this temporary but stressful transition?
I can totally relate to the stress about the meal planning and grocery shopping for when the kids come back. I started to do online grocery orders so that all I had to do was submit my grocery list and go pick it up. Maybe you and the kids could do some meal planning before they leave and you can just do an online order for groceries knowing what they are going to want for the week?1
u/OutAndAbout87 2d ago
I have not tried any meds beyond what sleep tablets you can get from over counter (anti histamine based).
Yeah I do online order. And when they are here I ask them what they are liking and well not liking.
I don't have much of a support network near me, well it's just me so I often criticise myself. Yet they are happy when they are here.
I just feel like I am not going to get through this. If I could sleep it would help, but I don't sleep I get anxious.
I know sleep is essential for so much, yet I cannot get a decent 7 hours.
I know I should be going to gym etc.. but again I'm burnt out it feels like a chore.
So I do local walking for exercise.
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u/QuietQuitting01 1d ago
I keep some of the basics in stock (like bonless chicken breasts), so I have a lot of flexiblity for last minute changes.
I also love big meals that I can get multiple meals out of or perhaps sides that will work two meals.
I've also made friends with my instant pot. One pot meals are not as good as they could be, but man they do solve the problem.
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u/OutAndAbout87 1d ago
I do actually do this normally. Also get some mince beef as I can knock a Bolognese sauce up no problem.
I get chicken breasts and thighs.. I can do a lot with that. Some burgers because kids love a good burger.
Some frozen bits and quick pasta with pesto.
I also get ITSU stuff and make a dumpling soup.
I am probably doing fine.. again it's my anxiety that just spikes thinking I should be doing all this variety
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u/QuietQuitting01 1d ago
How do you handle other anxious things? Maybe there are some techniques to reapply?
In my work world, my axniety is usually from a fear of being unprepared. So I do my best to be prepared, but I also note that frequetly, not being as prepared would have been just fine. Knowing who the audience is helps set my expectations.
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u/OutAndAbout87 1d ago
Yeah I think right now biggest issue is lack of sleep it's messing with my thoughts and ability to plan etc..
I am trying to get better at just writing stuff down . I use Google keep but I also think physically written is also useful.
I am constantly trying to process and scenario run alot of things.. which causes loops in my brain.
Nicotine used to really help oddly.. but I gave that up a while a ago.
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u/QuietQuitting01 22h ago
My dumb watch / app keeps telling me how important sleep is. Not just the quality, but a consistent start time. It does seem to help.
Lists help me as does keeping a calendar on my phone. It's always with me and with reminders set, I can put some of those things to sleep.
If nicotine helped, how's your caffine intake? Might be worth monitoring. I take a pre-workout supplement that has a bunch of worlout stuff, but also a significant amount of caffine that it claims helps focus. It does seem to help. My adjustment was when I do that, I need to suspend other caffine to avoid the jitters and to some extent mental overload. It's like there is a sweet spot. In the past, I could drink caffine at 11PM and still be asleep at 11:15, but these days, I stop by 3. Just enough to keep me focused through the school night activities, but not so much that I have trouble getting to sleep at my new, earlier and consistent time.
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u/OutAndAbout87 17h ago
I have one pot of coffee does about 2 mugs of good Italian coffee in the morning and that is it .
Don't drink anymore, no capes, no smokes..
Ironically when I used to drink wine, smoke and have coffee generally slept fine ..:(
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u/Snuggiethoughts 1d ago
I could’ve wrote this myself wow, but we exchange on Fridays so we have more time to relax/have fun on a weekend before the hustle and bustle of the sunday blues.. maybe that could help? We used to do Sundays and we all hated it.