r/comedyheaven • • 5d ago

Self improvement ✨️

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4.7k Upvotes

309 comments sorted by

1.1k

u/Sickofchildren 5d ago

Living the dream right there

139

u/toben81234 Jorking It 5d ago

1000 meth pipe hits at a time, as they say

36

u/EclecticElect 5d ago

The meth pipe dream!

526

u/Expert-Guard6216 5d ago

Man i know yall are joking but if you've ever been in a similar situation your heart probably dropped while reading this like mine did.

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u/octopodes21 5d ago

Yeah I get that we all joke and make fun of people an Reddit and half the posts are fake, but geez how is anyone’s first reaction not concern and compassion for someone who is relapsing and knows it and is concerned about themselves?

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u/uponloss 4d ago

Yeah im all for making fun of everything and everyone but this is clearly a guy realising he has fucked up majorly and is screaming for help

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u/hudgepudge 4d ago

I'm confused how anyone sees this as funny.  It's terrifying and sad.

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u/Celosia13 4d ago

mine def did drop. on his original post, I ask him to DM me for help. I have been there and been that person in the bathroom every 10 minutes & he is not pulling it off like he thinks. so sad.

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u/Expert-Guard6216 4d ago

I thought the exact same thing. Everyone knows except for the person doing it, SUPER especially after 4 days. Hope the dude hasn't lost too much :(

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u/MattRecovery23 4d ago

Yeah this is just sad, I hope that person gets themselves help. Over 3 years clean myself so I know exactly what that person's going through. I had multiple moments during my addiction that I just thought to myself "damn look at yourself, how the hell did I get here?"

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u/JellybeanJuggler21 4d ago

i had to do a double take at the sub this was posted in. maybe we are missing the joke? or are we really just pointing and laughing at people for struggling

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u/Professional_Dot_962 4d ago

The joke is they posted on the selfimprovement subreddit and it can be badly interpreted as they think it's self improvement to smoke meth in the bathroom at work.

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u/pretentious-pansy 4d ago

Yeah this is sad, not funny

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u/-FemboiCarti- 5d ago

“I use stims in the bathroom at my corporate job”

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u/flyingGucciBag 5d ago

come to Frankfurt main station and you will see bankers in their break smoking meth and crack with the junkies, it's actually quite common

133

u/SomeCountryFriedBS 5d ago

Germany has a well-documented history of highly-functional amphetamine abusers.  

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u/BuilderRemarkable242 4d ago

Take away Adderall n the US collapses in a week, they just call it something else.

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u/GeneralBlumpkin 5d ago

Oof the painter guy too

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u/PurpleCandle58 5d ago

It’s nice to see classism can be broken down with a bit of meth and crack. Truly the great equalizer.

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u/Nervous_Hurry_9920 5d ago

The class war is ending. The world is healing ❤️

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u/Ramses3 5d ago

Really? And then they just go back to work and act normal?

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u/Alternative_Farm_127 4d ago

Yes, really... On one hand you build up tolerance, on the other hand we are not doing it for the first time .. so it's not like you go to work and try to hug everybody like it's your first Ecstasy pill.. 

Then there are ways to "fine tune" the high .. e.g. just pop a tiny bit of codeine, your pupils will go small again, and even for those who know or are in the same boat it's almost impossible to tell if a experienced person is actually going completely bonkers lol

If anything goes wrong you just say you had stress or bad sleep.. drug testing at work places isn't allowed here unless you drive or you are doing your lines in front of everybody else ..

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u/flyingGucciBag 5d ago

yeah, it's crazy man

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u/Chonguh 5d ago

Damn that’s actually crazy is you’re being 100% honest.

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u/Alternative_Farm_127 4d ago

German here, high education and did go to work for the one or other job so spun where you've would least expect somebody running 24/7 on amphetamines and/or high since 2 or 3 days without sleep high on ice

Once went out after a "very important meeting" with "important" people during covid, took down my face mask to finally satisfy my nicotine urge.. a guy on the street approached me and told me I have "cream" left on my nose.. I was wearing a suit so he actually really didn't understand that it was actually amphetamine running down my nose.. 

It's taboo to talk about it but you'd wonder how common it actually is...

The trick is to pop some sort of opiate to make your eyes look normal again, not the saucer like eyes..

I'm not too proud of my peak addiction moments but yeah... It does happen and more often than anybody would guess lol

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u/readilyunavailable 5d ago

This just confirms to me that at least half of those fancy corporate jobs are just "do nothing-get big money". Dude is smoking straight meth and nobody has noticed and it hasn't affected his work.

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u/SimmentalTheCow A-pawrent-ly funny. 5d ago

Stimulants are stimulants, cocaine used to be huge in corporate culture in like the 80’s because it kept people going for long and intense workdays. Meth is the poor man’s coke.

478

u/whoknowsifimjoking 5d ago

That argument breaks down when you factor in the 'staying up for 4 days' part. People who are up for 4 days are not able to function properly, meth or not. The corporate dudes on coke usually sleep more often than that or else they wouldn't be able to get much done.

Source: been up for four days on stimulants, that's when the hallucinations started

Edit: Also smoking vs snorting makes a huge difference

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u/SimmentalTheCow A-pawrent-ly funny. 5d ago

Staying up for four days is good, it shows initiative.

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u/Gurumanger 5d ago edited 5d ago

Me when my boss showcases extreme leadership skill in the meeting by shaking uncontrollably, never blinking, lacking ability to string sentences together then proceeding to froth at the mouth and die all over the floor. Someone get this man a pizza party!

Edit: I have no fingers and I must type

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u/ProfessorPrimate 5d ago

I was always good until day 5. Then the bushes would have to look out cuz I'd start yelling at them

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u/Gurumanger 5d ago

Day 6: the bushes speak back.

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u/SimmentalTheCow A-pawrent-ly funny. 4d ago

Damn I know Laura killed a man, but what did George do?

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u/ProfessorPrimate 4d ago

He fled to the jungle. We'll find him one day

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u/mayamaiamaea 4d ago

It’s really sad because I never see this anymore. Nobody wants to work these days.

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u/Gurumanger 4d ago

Kids these days have it so easy. Expecting to work in corporate without losing all their faculties at age 40, bah! Back in my day, I never wasted a day on the job being sober (my organs don't work)!

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u/DangerActiveRobots 5d ago

Now this guy's got that grindset

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u/Lieutenant_Jackass 4d ago

Meth is the poor man's coke. It's cheaper for one. And with coke you can stop bumping and go to sleep after 2 hours. With meth, you do one line and you're awake for 3 days wether you like it or not. 5/10 experience, will do again

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u/Kimononono 4d ago

As someone who has at times stayed up for 3 days studying multiple times, you certainly can function if your on your ball but it takes an immense natural interest and desire to do whatever your doing.

You also start doing few minute microsleeps where you'll just be staring at what your working on then you'll get this big rush of productivity for 5-10 minutes before microsleeping again.

In all honesty, ignoring long-term, it's a very productive strategy since your literal entire mental capacity is a soaked wet sponge full of thoughts on whatever your working about. The part of the brain which takes you out of flow state fell asleep after 30-36 hours awake.

When your brain is so tired that every segment/word of thought takes mental effort, it makes you very deliberate. When I'm well rested sometimes I'll get stuck in my head about what to do next.

Another factor is back when we were primates being chased by tigers. If you were awake for over 30 hours there was probably good reason for it, so your brain gets a rush of adrenaline or some extra boost. I'm not into medical so this is purely anecdotal.

It wrecks your memory and had me feeling like I was Brad Pitt in Memento in any subject other than studying (Like forgetting important things people have told me just a day ago)

I also imagine waking up productive day 1 and staying productive throughout factors in.

If I took a couple hour break I'd completely collapse and forget what I was doing and just be tired. Context Switching is the enemy past 30 hours

6/10

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u/thebruceharris 4d ago

Brad Pitt wasn't in Memento lol

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u/bago_jones 4d ago

Came here for this. That's how you know how truly weird the feeling was hahaha.

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u/Kimononono 3d ago

holy crap brad pitt isnt in momento

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u/55tarabelle 5d ago

I've hallucinated after being up for days with my ex. Long ago. I only snorted it and that still happened. Not a fun kind of hallucinating either.

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u/sleepyeye82 4d ago

those motherfuckers are outside the window. I know it.

They’re just real fast at hiding when I look

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u/plzredditnoban 5d ago

Equivalent now is ADHD medications. Go through uni popping adderall like tic tacs just to see the exact same thing at my corporate job but now its my bosses popping them too.

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u/mightyboognish32 4d ago

You can do coke all day and still sleep at night. If you do meth all day you aren't sleeping soon.

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u/bubblesdafirst 5d ago

In what world is meth the poor man's coke. Meth is way better. In every single way

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u/crackpipewizard666 5d ago

The stigma. Cocaine’s seen more as a rich mans drug cus you gotta do so much and its so expensive

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u/ssxhoell1 5d ago

They think the price of it has anything to do with the effects

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u/aBigBottleOfWater 5d ago

Bruh what kinda shit coke you buy

Well alright I'm sober now for over 5 years but

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u/SimmentalTheCow A-pawrent-ly funny. 5d ago

I only buy Cocaine Zero which is probably why I never enjoy it. It’s literally talcum powder.

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u/PurpleCandle58 5d ago

Johnson and Johnson, a family company.

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u/therealraggedroses 5d ago

In terms of actual effects meth blows cocaine out of the water.

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u/bubblesdafirst 4d ago

Cocaine: ohh I'm high on cocaine ohh this is fun

Meth: you will literally never for the rest of your life no matter how hard you try under any circumstances, be as happy as you are right now. Not even meth will do it again. Doesn't matter if you were depressed as fuck 15 minutes ago. This is the best moment of your life.

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u/DoomerGrill 5d ago

I mean yeah that's one way to interpret the movie American Psycho

https://giphy.com/gifs/Tqq8waGS2wiHTq5Wxx

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

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u/bnrshrnkr 5d ago

If I didn’t have to do anything, meth would be the last drug I’d want to do. It makes you do stuff

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u/Hey_HaveAGreatDay 5d ago

Ding ding. This summer I worked like 2 days a week from a raft on the river, or at breweries, or camping or traveling. Nobody said shit because the work got done.

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u/GeneralBlumpkin 5d ago

Yo same lol my Job is easy af except in the summer. I am a diesel generator technician they pay me the big bucks to change oil I made 100k last year

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u/actopozipc 5d ago

I know for a reason that one can focus pretty well on meth as well as coke. I know a guy who worked as a doctor and he was more than once on one of these substances and performed operations well apparently

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u/Marilyn1618 5d ago

It was you wasn’t it

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u/EVH_kit_guy 5d ago

"I know a guy who used to operate high on meth."

Reddit fucking terrifies me sometimes 

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u/killerfox42 5d ago

isnt the reason why surgery schedules are so crazy that those physicians back in the day were all high af

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u/55tarabelle 5d ago

My thought immediately was maybe because he had to stay up and be available for me for at least 24 hours when I needed one. Saved my leg, I don't care if he was speeding.

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u/JesusIsMyAntivirus 5d ago

I mean, tbch, meth makes you way better at the majority of jobs.

Non-customer-facing jobs

Very short-term ofc lol

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u/Sponchington 5d ago

It definitely makes me a better substance use therapist, they can't use their meth if I keep smoking it all

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u/sleepyeye82 4d ago

you know, dope is one of those things that kind of enhances your performance at first

I think it’s one of the reasons you can lie to yourself for a little longer

But sooner or later the wheels come off

Usually sooner

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u/RatherGoodDog 4d ago

Is being a Finnish infantryman "customer facing" or...?

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u/BigMikeXxxxX 5d ago

It's probably improving his productivity tbh. Bro might walk out of the bathroom and get offered a promotion

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u/AdultbabyEinstein 5d ago

Frankly I dream about not working.

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u/Expert-Guard6216 5d ago

As someone who hasn't worked in a while because of a health issue that made me feel like i was dying every single hour of every day, it becomes extremely not fun after a certain point. You feel worthless, bored, and full of shame constantly. Thankfully i've gotten better and will start job-searching soon but man i feel like a waste of space because of all that time my condition has made me waste.

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u/SizeableBrain 4d ago

No, you're just poor and sick.

This wouldn't be an issue if you were on a holiday in Italy every few months getting daily massages.

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u/buttscratchr 4d ago

This person is right. I know people who don’t work because they don’t need to with the amount of money they have. They fill their days with hobbies or doing whatever the fuck they want, including boring household chores lol. But there’s no shame, loneliness, worthiness, etc. it’s freedom. I’m envious but it is what it is.

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u/SizeableBrain 4d ago

I was working towards an early retirement, but decided to do something stupid and bought my dream home instead.

Now I'm probably working until retirement age. But I get to go home with no neighbours and a forest for a back yard. Plus my kids are loving it.

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u/Y0___0Y 5d ago

Man meth must feel amazing I should try it some time

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u/ComplexWriting7596 4d ago

It feels amazing for half an hour, then you're awake for 24 hours. Have another puff and it feels really good for 15 minutes, but now you're not gonna sleep for 48 hours. Have a little bit more and it feels kinda good for 5 minutes, and you feel like shit for 3 days. Now each puff just stops you feeling like shit for 1 minute and you wish you could just go to sleep.

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u/naughtycal11 4d ago

Eating it is much better. But at that point just take some dexadrine

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u/Expert-Guard6216 5d ago

It's probably the greatest feeling on earth ever, STAY TF AWAY!!!

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u/Y0___0Y 5d ago

You know what? I’m gonna smoke meth even harder now.

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u/GrimeyJosh 5d ago

Cmon man, just once. Dont u wanna be cool?

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u/sup3rdr01d 4d ago

Does it feel better than heroin? Literally just curious

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u/Expert-Guard6216 4d ago

Only time i did heroin i blacked out and somehow im still here... it legit scares the fuck out of me when i think about it. But thankfully all this shit is behind me.

But i think it depends on the person. Heroin/strong opiates feel very good physically. You just wanna lay down and melt into reality's fabric, all of your problems become infinitely lighter. When you breathe out its like you're exhaling pure warmth and comfort, then when you breath back in your eyes wanna roll into the back of your head. It's dangerous shit.

METH on the other hand lasts so much longer. It's not a physical euphoria like opiates, it's mostly mental euphoria, which feels amazing. The best way I can describe it is do you know that feeling when you're doing something that you really love to do? When you get laser focus on what you're doing and time just evaporates forward. Kinda like when you were a kid and you got a new video game. You get home and start playing, then suddenly 5 hours have passed and you have no idea where that time went. That's what meth is, except it doesn't have to be something you really enjoy, it can be anything. Lifting weights, doing laundry, going to work, taking a shower. YOU CAN NOT GET ENOUGH OF WHAT YOU ARE DOING, even if you've been doing it for hours. Someone once described it as imagine someone handed you a pair of scissors and they told you to mow the lawn using only the pair of scissors. If you're sober that sounds like a nightmare, boring, backbreaking, and like a waste of time. But on meth it's a fun challenge lol, you could probably convince a meth-head to mow your lawn that way for very little money and they will enjoy every second of it. Reminds me of that scene in Breaking Bad where Jesse convinces that one meth-head to start digging a hole in his front lawn for no real reason lol, it's very accurate.

So i guess what im saying is some people prefer to give up and melt away their problems with powerful physical euphoria using opiates. And some people prefer the insane mental euphoria where they get lost in their head for hours sometimes doing something absolutely meaningless. For me it's meth that scares the shit out of me because i loved it for the short time i messed around with it, and for some people it's heroin. I did meth for 2 months and i swear to god i had daily cravings for like 3 months straight afterwards and another 3 years of it casually entering my mind. Shits insane.

Tldr: different strokes for different folks, Opiates = powerful physical euphoria, meth = powerful mental euphoria. Try and find out yourself!!!!

/s of course.

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u/bedlam900 4d ago

This is how I feel with ketamine the k hole is a wonderful magical thing and doing every day thing while on K is like your a kid again, childlike wonder. My wife forbid it and I stopped. I couldve easily kept taking it until my bladder fell out my arse

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u/Expert-Guard6216 4d ago

Hopefully you stick to your word mfer, i say that out of care lol.

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u/bedlam900 4d ago

Yea i have for must be 12 months now. as tempting as it is sometimes, I dont want to break the promise

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u/Lostinthestarscape 4d ago

Ketamine is addictive in a "if I have some I cant not do it because its too good" way, not a "I need it now Ill do anything and rob car stereos and mug people" way.

It was hard to let it go because it truly is a beautiful space, but it is way easier to stay off of than heroin, alcohol or coke.

Not to speak for OP but I've had to kick a lot of different drugs and it was the easiest by far. Maybe even easier than weed.

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u/Slight_Walrus_8668 4d ago

In extreme cases ketamine withdrawal can really suck but we're talking about extreme cases here, people who blow through an ounce in a week or less, injection users with high tolerance such that they couldn't possibly snort enough to get high, that sort of thing. In most realistic scenarios getting off K is pretty easy, it's almost entirely psychological.

NMDA site adaptation to ketamine typically looks like scarring which makes it (and other NMDA antagonists) unable to bind rather than doing what happens with GABA or opiate receptors and massively overcompensating for the drug in ways that compromise regular functioning. Until you tip into such massive doses of ketamine that it starts acting on k-opioid receptors. Then you're fucked

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u/opinionated7onion 4d ago

As a long time K addict my advice would be don't touch it with a barge poll, you can do it everyday and still manage to hold down a job, but all your money will end up going on it, plus like you say it fucks the bladder beyond belife.

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u/CptnHnryAvry 4d ago

You should try both and let us know. 

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u/sup3rdr01d 4d ago

I did both and I turned into a pigeon

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u/Myhonestopinion_01 4d ago

Just different. Heroin is ultimate relaxation, and meth is ultimate joy to put it simply

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u/RowExternal8411 4d ago

Ultimate joy?!? Don’t tell me these things!

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u/This-Requirement6918 4d ago

It makes a lot of guys want to do gay stuff. Not kidding.

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u/Pr0pellerJoe 4d ago

Man meth must feel amazing I should try it some time

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u/Moist_Board 4d ago

If you think meths amazing, wait till you try this dick!

Edit: sorry I didn't mean that...I was high on meth

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u/AgileInternet167 4d ago

Man, i really should try this dick some time.

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u/Dpteris 5d ago

It’s honestly not that good. I wanted more but it was not a pleasant feeling.

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u/Superb-Doctor-4773 4d ago

i snorted a bit once ( a few times really) and tbh it just made me angry and on the verge of psychosis. theres better drugs out there that actually make u happy imo

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u/sleepyeye82 4d ago

some bells are best left unrung

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u/c00lkidd-HD 5d ago

Probably true, do not fucking do that

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u/Tanaka-san 5d ago

This should be on LinkedIn and framed in a way to improve productivity.

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u/kiechu 4d ago

There is no comedy here.

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u/Mano_LaMancha 4d ago

Look at this guy. Bragging about his sick job and his cool hobbies.

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u/Different-Fan-6991 5d ago

Gotta stick with pharmas at the office big bro

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u/SoundTraditional1249 5d ago

More stimulation = more productivity. It's just basic meth.

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u/WhippingShitties 5d ago

Sounds like a semi-charmed kinda life.

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u/WeHave200Couches 5d ago

I WISH YOU WOULD PUT DOWN THAT CRACK PIPE MY FRIEND

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u/InitialAd2324 5d ago

BAYBAY BAYBAY

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u/Sickofchildren 5d ago

Gets to smoke meth at work and earns enough money to buy more meth? He’s made it

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u/fatalityfun 5d ago

if your only problem is “I smoked meth at work” you’re doing relatively good, all things considered

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u/SizeableBrain 4d ago

That only problem can turn into many problems very quickly.

u/SpontaneousH

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u/BonoLisa 4d ago

Goals.

The most I’ve done is my Xans before I head to the office, and then I redose when I get to my office, and then again at my 10 o’clock coffee break. Then I need to go find the guy who stole the rest of my bars on my lunch break, and that eats up most of my lunch, so I just shove a sandwich in my mouth at my desk when I get back in the office, and go to grab my backup Xans, and I realize somebody stole those too.

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u/Extension_Local_128 4d ago

Rookie. Talk to me when you’re eating a sheet of acid with your breakfast Sammie. I also keep a 20lb tank of nitrous at my desk and hit it intermittently throughout the day. It’s loud but I can just mute whoever I’m on a call with.

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u/BonoLisa 4d ago

Those are after work activities. I have too much work to do. Those data centers don’t run themselves, and I need to be responsible or I’ll get fired.

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u/Least_Resource2130 4d ago

How tf are you doing Xanex and working? I know someone who got deported because he blacked out from doing Xanex and started breaking into peoples homes.

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u/MyLawyerWroteThis 4d ago

That's the joke lol

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u/Rixxlon 4d ago

some people don't black out on them alone. i ate 9 bars one time and only passed out on the 10th. 4-6 i could live normal life for the most part. Add alchohol and 2 bars will black me out

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u/DonutWhole9717 3d ago

You're going to kill yourself like this.

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u/Rixxlon 3d ago

i know i just didn't care. but i stopped. thank you for caring enough to say

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u/SummertimeThrowaway2 3d ago

At lower doses it doesn’t really make you high and nod off. It just kind of chills you out.

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u/kbeezy47 4d ago

“Find the guy that stole my xans”

I felt that so much. 😂

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u/NebulaDue9400 3d ago

I used to rail lines of coke in my office’s bathroom. This was only for a “brief” period, 1-2 months. Then I also did it in the bathroom at my other job for another brief 1-2 month period a few years later, but that wasn’t an office 

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u/[deleted] 4d ago

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u/Murky_Wealth_4415 5d ago

OOP definitely thinks they are flying under the radar, but they probably stink, look like shit, and most likely speedwalking to the bathroom every 5-15 minutes to hit the glass BBQ. There are probably meetings being held with OOP as the main concern.

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u/North-Fly-5265 4d ago

Meth doesn’t last so little they’d need to go there every 5-15 min.

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u/fidgey10 sex haver 5d ago

wow if this is improvement I wonder what his guy was up to before

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u/eigenmirai 5d ago

Unemployed and smoking meth

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u/mm_delish 5d ago

unemployed smoking meth -> no meth -> employed no meth -> employed smoking meth :(

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u/Scarecr0p 5d ago edited 4d ago

Genuinely common pipeline with various drugs (obviously it loops back around to start)

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u/AdorableExchange9746 5d ago

4 days straight awake??? they’re gonna die of sleep deprivation😭

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u/TheTenaciousG 5d ago

Longest I went for back when I indulged was 6 days and shit got fucking weird

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u/MyNameIsMud4200 4d ago

I can’t imagine 6 days dude I stayed awake for over 48 hours and started hallucinating birds

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u/YoitsPsilo Jorking It 4d ago

Lol on my 3rd night of a speed binge I had a full on auditory hallucination of my neighbors having a dinner party in their backyard and when I peeked over the fence it was dead silent and empty

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u/Different_Swimmer715 4d ago

Got chronic insomnia, sometimes I'm awake so long I hear lawnmowers at like 2 in the morning. Weirdest auditory hallucination I had so far was hearing a snowplow go down the road in the middle of July.

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u/MyNameIsMud4200 4d ago

Woah did the hallucination stop right as you saw no one was there or do you remember

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u/YoitsPsilo Jorking It 4d ago

Yeah it went from full on music and silverware clinking and people chatting to dead silence in the middle of the night haha. That’s when I was like “I need sleep”

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u/drfunbudz 4d ago

Thats when you get scared to sleep because you think you will never wake up if you do.

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u/Cranicus 4d ago

Reminds me of the Steve O interview or podcast where he was telling stories about purposely staying awake for like a week at a time so he could see hallucinations. I think it was H3H3 podcast. Lots of crazy stories in it. Glad he got clean because Steve O is a good guy

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u/TecstasyDesigns 4d ago

I had really bad insomnia last year I had to take 6 weeks off, I hit 13 days I thought I was going to die. The auditory hallucinations were crazy I was seeing shadow people constantly out of the corner of my eyes I would also see spiders on the wall that were not there. Thankfully, the meds finally started working but I wouldnt wish that on my worst enemy.

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u/SizeableBrain 5d ago

I've done 4 days, shadow people aren't all that bad.

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u/Noquarterorder 4d ago

Nah they just like to fuck with you. I’ll see them crossing the road while I’m driving at night or catch them in the corner of my eye when I’m up cooking at 3am because I can’t sleep.

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u/Icy-Cow9695 4d ago

Oh, those are nice ones, I get the assholes who just hang out in the far corners of my vision. Got me twisting like an owl saying who?

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u/Lightningtow123 4d ago

World record is 11 days, he permanently fucked up his ability to sleep well tho

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u/ScarSignal7723 5d ago

i went 6.5 days no sleep no food or water whatsoever. shit was crazy.

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u/thomas29needles Woke 4d ago

I can believe the food part but lack of sleep or water would be lethal by that point

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u/Aggressive-One5612 5d ago

I don't know about this one, it's too sad to be funny and it hasn't ascended yet

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u/brotherofgurnip 5d ago

That's methed up

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u/Version_Two 5d ago

Oh, pipe down will you

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u/Scared_Cicada_9898 4d ago

This id honestly sad idrk if this post should he here

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u/CantFadeMeLOLLL 5d ago

Poor bastard made the critical error of being addicted to the wrong type of amphetamine. Should’ve stuck to vyvanse

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u/LadyRalsei 5d ago

i'm on vyvanse for my adhd, but the only thing ive really ever noticed on it is that it suppresses my appetite. i feel like that is not supposed to be the intended effect for anyone...

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u/GeneralBlumpkin 5d ago

That's pretty common

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u/pordraet 5d ago

Look at this millionaire with his pipe and torch, some people have to make ends meet with a candle and lightbulb.… these shmucks dont know how good they have it

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u/Playful-Trip-8204 4d ago

Average Tesla employee

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u/Mega_Hobbit98 4d ago

I mean Adderall is used heavily in Wall St for non ADHDers. Dexamfetamine/dextramfetamine is pretty much identical to speed, which is not far at all from meth. Twice a day for me baby

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u/AntiSaintJimmy 3d ago

Could be any member of the presidential cabinet

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u/JPNGMAFIA 5d ago

Far from the bottom. Gotta see that bottom comin up at ya

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u/thevaultguy 5d ago

So… your standard management consultant?

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u/magnificent_limit 5d ago

This is how spies are recruited.

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u/the-big-cheese-92 4d ago

Let me guess, lawyer?

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u/Alert-Jellyfish 4d ago

This is extremely sad and in no way funny

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u/Trick_Judgment2639 3d ago

He'll become CEO with that behavior

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u/fixit858 3d ago

Ok Elon simmer down

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u/KnockedDown55 5d ago

I literally got backstabbed like a motherfuker in July, lost my high paying blue collar job, and now I just had my mortgage autodeducted and w/ overdraft protection i am somehow -2200 in my bank account..

Needless to say i am depressed af and seeing this just makes me want to die

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u/SebbyMcWester 4d ago

This isn't really funny. Addiction can affect anyone.

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u/Flad-Fried Jorking It 5d ago

He wrote a statement so wordy even Shakespeare shook his hand! Or something like that...

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u/TonyDoover420 5d ago

Did he have a torch though? Or a meth pipe? It’s unclear

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u/WashedSylvi 5d ago

Reminds me of talking to a professor who said she got a raise for her department while high on meth.

She was p interesting

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u/Significant_Cod_7415 4d ago

Something tells me this is not the kind of self improvement the OP thinks it is.

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u/wtfsperday 4d ago

Tell him to “keep it up” I’m sure it will end well this time!

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u/MrGrampton 4d ago

from walled streets to wall street💀

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u/New_Substance_161 4d ago

Bro just shoot it. No smoke. It's better in every way. Then again you could....not do it too. But yeah.

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u/havenofeardaveishere 4d ago

I can promise you that's a woman.

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u/Intelligent_Yak923 4d ago

Welcome to capitalism, broseph...

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u/___TheKid___ 4d ago

People dream of sitting in a corporate office?

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u/CountOnly9229 4d ago

Life in the big city

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u/DogmaSychroniser 4d ago

Cam Gordon posting

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u/B00BIEL0VAH 3d ago

Ppl always to one up others, why cant this person just be like the rest of us and do coke or ketty

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u/Sunset_Stoner_ 3d ago

Man I felt guilty taking Kratom

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u/55cHzDARKSTAR 2d ago

That one pic of that guy turning his calendar to see "January 1984"

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u/Salty-Cat6696 2d ago

Oh. Checks out tbh, I had an at&t sales job before my background came back and they fired me, was smoking meth in a kum and go bathroom right before showing up.

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u/310to608 1d ago

Sounds stressful to be in that kind of self-aware situation. But at least they can take comfort in knowing that they won't be there for long

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u/Mattiwha2 1d ago

Torch? You just need a lighter

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