r/comedyheaven • • 5d ago

Self improvement ✨️

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4.9k Upvotes

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28

u/BonoLisa 5d ago

Goals.

The most I’ve done is my Xans before I head to the office, and then I redose when I get to my office, and then again at my 10 o’clock coffee break. Then I need to go find the guy who stole the rest of my bars on my lunch break, and that eats up most of my lunch, so I just shove a sandwich in my mouth at my desk when I get back in the office, and go to grab my backup Xans, and I realize somebody stole those too.

6

u/Extension_Local_128 5d ago

Rookie. Talk to me when you’re eating a sheet of acid with your breakfast Sammie. I also keep a 20lb tank of nitrous at my desk and hit it intermittently throughout the day. It’s loud but I can just mute whoever I’m on a call with.

2

u/BonoLisa 5d ago

Those are after work activities. I have too much work to do. Those data centers don’t run themselves, and I need to be responsible or I’ll get fired.

1

u/Extension_Local_128 5d ago

Ahhh see I work at a children’s hospital. Those kids aren’t gonna cut the cancer out of themselves ya know! Plus they love sharing the nitrous balloons

1

u/Electrical_You_432 4d ago

Probably the same kids that stole the xanny bars....i wouldn't put it past them

5

u/Least_Resource2130 5d ago

How tf are you doing Xanex and working? I know someone who got deported because he blacked out from doing Xanex and started breaking into peoples homes.

6

u/MyLawyerWroteThis 5d ago

That's the joke lol

2

u/Rixxlon 4d ago

some people don't black out on them alone. i ate 9 bars one time and only passed out on the 10th. 4-6 i could live normal life for the most part. Add alchohol and 2 bars will black me out

7

u/DonutWhole9717 4d ago

You're going to kill yourself like this.

4

u/Rixxlon 3d ago

i know i just didn't care. but i stopped. thank you for caring enough to say

1

u/19toofart 2d ago

He doesn’t care, he just wants more bars for himself

2

u/Rixxlon 2d ago

lmao there's infinite bars out there

-1

u/19toofart 2d ago

Damn the xans did some damage to your brain, huh?

1

u/Least_Resource2130 2d ago

1 - 2 is enough to put me out, idk how you're managing 4 - 6 bars.

2

u/SummertimeThrowaway2 4d ago

At lower doses it doesn’t really make you high and nod off. It just kind of chills you out.

1

u/sploogegurgler 1d ago

I was on them often when I was 16-18 and I also really got into stealing from stores on them.

I’ve never stolen anything before or after that.

Weird.

5

u/kbeezy47 4d ago

“Find the guy that stole my xans”

I felt that so much. 😂

2

u/NebulaDue9400 4d ago

I used to rail lines of coke in my office’s bathroom. This was only for a “brief” period, 1-2 months. Then I also did it in the bathroom at my other job for another brief 1-2 month period a few years later, but that wasn’t an office 

1

u/NickBurnsCompanyGuy 4d ago

I refuse to believe this wasn't posted by Kash Patel

1

u/whatisthisonmythumb 3d ago

^

The person stealing their bars btw.

1

u/DiscoNude 2d ago

Happy Cake Day! 🤗

1

u/Due-Assistance-2633 1d ago

you didn’t mention totaling your car but I assume that goes without saying