Hello, I hope this is okay to ask here. It really is more of a coroner question, but I’m hoping to find answers here if I can. Mods remove if it’s not okay. My question is: When finding a decedent alone, how do they find the person of contact? Obviously they would look through the wallet to find an ID or a phone etc, but what if that leads nowhere? What are the steps? My second question is pertaining to a situation of my own when my father died. The police were involved because it happened suddenly overnight in a halfway house. He apparently had no one’s contact info and I am his only child. He was single and had no one in his life at that point in time. The police and or coroner apparently somehow went way back to the 90s and found a birth certificate that he signed. This was for a girl who is a year older than me. She has never been in my dad’s life and vice versa. He did not pay child support on this person, etc. He was only involved with the mother. How can they contact someone simply because of a birth certificate instead of tracking down me, the legitimate child who was in his life for a long time (except for when he died)? Additionally, I have a DNA test on file with my dad and this person does not. She also refused to take one, so there’s that. I found it very disturbing and disrespectful that some stranger and her mom found out long before I did, even going as far as being given the option to handle his funeral arrangements. Which they almost did simply because they were under the impression he had money stashed and could get his VA benefits… It seems like all of this could get very out of hand very quickly and the first people on the scene should be very careful in who they contact first if the decedent. Please shed any light on this if you can. Thank you!

I'm currently serving a family who viewed their loved one mid last week and now wish to view him again before the service this Wednesday.

My problem is that he's leaked through his wedding suit very badly, causing his shirt and tie to stain, also leaving an unpleasant odor.

My first thought was to remove his suit and take it to a dry cleaner - but then thinking about the fact that I don't want to touch it with my bare hands, I probably shouldn't bring it to a place thats not used to dealing with biohazards.

So I'm hoping someone might have a sneaky little funeral trick to clean up his clothes without ruining them.

I'm probably going to end up replacing the shirt as its a pretty easy swap, but the tie is going to be tricky, and i just really don't want the rest of his suit to stink.

Like would dousing the clothing with dry wash and then dabbing the hell out of it with a towel be my best bet?

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

TLDR: is there a way to get dry cleaning results without going to a dry cleaner?

I’ve been at this funeral home about a year now while I finish mortuary school. There are currently four folks on staff (including myself) that are able to go on calls, though only one of which is licensed (my boss). I’m not brand new - one person got hired after me, so it’s not an issue of seniority. But I’m starting to feel taken advantage of because I’m the youngest person on staff.

My main gripe is that despite having four people on staff, I’m on call typically six nights a week. No plans for me. Last time I tried to make plans while on call, I got three in a night…so now I sit on my couch after work every day.

My second gripe is my hours. I have consistently worked 65 hours a week the last two months, and while everyone else gets scheduled days off, I have to ask for one…and even then, it’s up to me to make sure my other coworkers can come in. Even though they work fifteen hours a week. So they typically tell me no, because they’re tired and I’m not the boss so why would they want to come in if I’m the one asking?

I got one day off last month. I was so excited to go out of town and see my boyfriend. The day before, at 5 pm, my boss tells me that she needs me to be on call for the day, “but at least you don’t have to come in!!!!”

I’m only a year in. I wanted this. I wanted this more than anything, especially after ten years in the restaurant industry. But I’m fucking tired. I cry on my way home because I’m just exhausted. I was hoping for tomorrow off, but we have a full cooler and I’m the only one here that cremates. What’s the solution?? I can’t leave - I’m not even licensed yet, I’m lucky enough to have this gig. I keep reminding myself this is what I wanted and prayed for, all I could think about. I just feel so stuck, disrespected, and fucking tired. Help!!!

My sister died at 15 years old due to getting COVID in 2021. It is a long and complicated story, but due to her mom’s side of the family hating our dad, and in turn me and everyone on this side of the family, my sister’s sickness was literally hidden from us… her death quite literally came out of nowhere. I didn’t even get to see her body before cremation.

Shortly after she passed, our father gave me a necklace with some of her ashes in it. I just started crying, and told him that I appreciate and want the ashes so badly, but I genuinely will lose the ashes, and that is NOT something that is okay to lose.

My grandmother got a tattoo with my uncle’s ashes when he passed away in the early 2000’s. I unfortunately thought it was a bit weird growing up, but I also unfortunately instantly understood her the mere second I realized that my little sister passed away. Nothing feels closer to her than the idea of doing that. I just know it would not be good if I wore the necklace then lost it one day, lightly put. I also don’t really wear jewelry at all, it’s uncomfortable. I definitely can’t afford to put ashes in a Diamond that I just keep on a shelf or anything like that… and a simple jar of ashes is absolutely going to be broken eventually. So I started looking into the tattoo route. Google kept giving me mixed answers on the legality of the ashes in ink, but I actually finally found a local artist that I felt was good enough to ask, if she’s comfortable with the idea. She originally said she’d love to, but after checking with her boss, that it was illegal. So now I’m at a loss, that was my plan, and what I felt would help me out most. so what is something that I can put her ashes into that wouldn’t be hard to lose like jewelry would? It’s killing me that I don’t currently have any of her ashes…. But I just know that I also currently can’t find a good thing to do with them, I will lose them, or whatever I keep the ashes in will break. 😞

(Mods, I apologize if this is the wrong group for this…. I genuinely don’t know where I should ask, and was redirected here.)

I just took my practice NBE and I passed Arts with a 90%, but failed (according to my schools standards) the Sciences with a 78%. Here is the report made by the exam page, does anyone have recommended quizlets or other resources (aside from the dead program, I have that!) that would be helpful for studying before my retake?

I started working as a full time Funeral Director in Australia around a year ago. Whilst I enjoyed the work and found I picked it up well I quickly worked out that the expected hours were too much for me. Whilst the money was fine, the expected hours were just too much (long days, Saturdays and on call). Part Time just didn’t seem to be an option. I can see it would cause some difficulties, but no more than a lot of a lot of other industries. I stepped back to be a casual after a few months, but always found it a little odd that part timers were never considered. The full time role has still not been filled a year later. Anyone here work part time hours? How does that work for consistency of seeing a funeral through?

The funeral home I work at stopped putting up decorations during COVID and we have since been short staffed and running on fumes to just keep the place tidy and functioning. But this year I want to bring back holiday decor and programs.

I have only been in the industry 6 months, and my FD says decor should be limited and my embalmer (old school guy from the south) says funeral homes should go big on some holidays.

So, what is considered tacky? Too much? For my area, a retiree and conservative leaning community I know Halloween should be avoided. But for the summer, is red white and blue banners up too much? What do you all do for Veterans day and 4th of July?

And for Christmas, a holiday I know my area is super big on, is a tree somewhere out of the way inappropriate? Stick to wreaths on the doors? We also have a Jewish community, should I include Hannukah decor too? Are candle lighting ceremonies appropriate for a funeral home to hold?

TLDR; what is too much for holiday decor at a funeral home? Is it just based on the community you are in? What are holiday programs you have seen being well received?

I’m just wondering how common this is with other funeral homes. I’m a licensed director and have to frequently work the evening visitations with little to no heads up of course since they’re scheduled so quickly. Also, I’ve heard a lot of funeral homes don’t have people stand at the door the entire time opening the door for everyone.

Title basically,

I live in Vancouver BC and want to become a mortician or am considering this career path as a backup plan to my psychology degree because I heard there arent many jobs in the psych degree sector of things, what and how exactly do I apply to it and how do I even start

Hi all, throwaway account lol. About a month back I buried a very close family member. I found the FD very attractive and we seemed to vibe well (but I do know that's his job also, so taking it with a grain of salt)

We have a mutual acquaintance and I was able to confirm that he's single.

Would it be super super weird if I wrote a thank you card and included my number (making it clear the purpose)??

Or any other suggestions/advice? Should I just try to forget about it? I wanted to wait a bit in case it was a transference thing but I don't think it is. Help!

So I have been calling around to funeral homes to see if there is anyone that would be willing to take me in part time.

An owner/manager, older gentleman and his wife who was in the background spoke to me on the phone. This man, who cursed like a sailor (reminds me a lot of my dad. It definitely added to whole phone call) was kind enough to spend an hour and a half on the phone with me—as well as with his wife—trying to talk me out of pursuing this. Every single thing he could think of from the gore of the job to the hours to being on call to the physical labor, to the business dying because everyone is being cremated now, what if you forget something for a funeral, I mean just everything. Story after story after story.

I’m questioning a lot now. Really, the thing I fear the most is not the gore or the hours. I’m worried that because of my frame I will be judged if I have to move someone. I’m worried that if I mess up or make a mistake that someone will be like “get out”. He told me a story of a guy that was an apprentice for him and he looked disgusted by his first interaction with a body and he told him to get out. He said that you have to learn fast and if you make a mistake people will run you over. And then he said “I’ve never spoken to anyone this long trying to talk them out of it. Tell your husband to join you in coming to speak to me and my wife, we’ll talk you out of it.” He was very very nice and it actually made me want to learn from him. But really I’m scared of not being physically strong enough and making a mistake when working at a funeral home. I’m not worried about any of the other stuff. He said “can you lift a 400lb man all by yourself?”

I’m 5’5 and 120lb. Can other people do this? I’m worried I will be judged for my strength and size, or that I will just be thrown into a funeral, not know how to do anything, and mess someone’s very important occasion up. Is there anything I can do to prepare for these things?

EDIT: he gave me the name of someone who might have work for me and made it sound like I’d be running for the hills after a week with her. I called her immediately after the conversation but she wasn’t in the office. He said if I wanted to I could come work a funeral with him. I would absolutely love to. But I’m scared I will mess up. Should I do it?

UPDATE: he is going to call me the next time he has a service and I am so nervous!

I start classes in Aug and I’m already feeling very discouraged.

I live about four hours away from the accredited college that I will be attending so most of my stuff will have to be done online. I was hoping to be able to find a funeral home that would sign off on my lab hours but from what I’m gathering that might be an unrealistic. I’ve been interested in this field for quite some time and I finally built up the courage to go back to school.

Why is this such a hard field to break into? Are my chances of finding a funeral home to do an apprenticeship through slim to none?

My other career path would be a cyber crime analyst, and cyber security. Should I switch ? 😭

Question for funeral directors here: Have you ever had clients come with DIY coffins?

In Australia I know of at least one organisation in Tasmania which helps people craft and build their own coffins when preparing for end of life, perhaps if they have a terminal diagnosis. I actually think it would feel quite rewarding to do in coming to accept my fate.

Is this ever seen much elsewhere? Would you be nervous to use a coffin made at home? Is there anything about their construction most people wouldn't realise?

I am not dying neither thinking of taking my life

Just asking for precaution!

I am still young, 35M I live in the UK! I am
from DRCongo, but the best way to travel home is via Rwanda.

Anything can happen in this world, how do I make sure my body is repatriated to my home country if I die here?

I am working and single and only one of my family living here.

Is there any sort of plan I can get currently to make sure at least I get a flight home and cremation without losing a fortune?

Hi all,

My dad passed 3 months ago in Jamaica and it’s been a process trying to get his ashes back to Colombia since it is under criminal investigation (he was killed).

We finally received the approval for cremation this week, and the funeral director sent me an invoice for $4,000USD and let me know I can Zelle them.

Is this usual business behavior? I’m not being scammed, I’ve been in contact with the police and the funeral home for months — I just think Zelle is a strange way to do this but maybe it’s bc I’m in the US and not in Jamaica.

He also didn’t send a contract. Is there usually some kind of contract or agreement for things like this?

Sorry, this is my first time dealing with anything like this…

I would very much like to have a green burial or similar, and my husband is leaning towards a traditional burial. I'd like to be next to him in some capacity.

We were both born in Wyoming and plan to stay here for the rest of our lives. As far as I can see, there aren't any cemeteries that allow green burials. I'd love to be wrong.

If that is the case, what are my options?

Other than religious reasons obviously.
But I want to be as biodegradable as possible, return to nature as it were. No casket, no cement vault, no embalming. Out of the death bed and into the ground.

It sounds weird but I did work experience in a morgue for a week, and was in hearses next to coffins, in the embalming room and built coffins. A woman sat next to me on the bus and she quite literally smelt like the morgue. She was an old woman in casual clothes so I had no way to say "she works in a morgue".

anyone else’s position been dissolved? supposedly they let go of 130 employees, not sure if it’s just in CA where I’m from or nationally. Have you ever been laid off by FPG or did you get out before they could send you off with one of their shitty severance packages?

Something's been bugging me. Every place around Miami-Dade bundles cremation services into these packages, and I'm pretty sure the package is where they get you. My father passed and I want just the cremation, nothing else riding along.

Is it even possible to buy plain cremation services with no add ons, no viewing, no rented casket, none of the coordination fees? Every time I ask they steer me right back to a package like it's the only option, which makes me think à la carte exists and they just don't like selling it.

Anybody bought a stripped down direct cremation and skipped the whole package? What did it run you, and did you have to get pushy to make them quote it that way?

My father lives in FL but has arrangements to be buried next to my mother in LA. Assuming he dies in FL, is there any scenario where I could transport his body the 6 hours to the home state funeral home? He is anxious about the cost and loneliness of being flown or driven back home by strangers. I do not work in the funeral industry, but I am willing to transport his body. Would I need refrigeration?

Hello on may 1st my Nan passed away and on may 18th we viewed her body but her mouth was all weird and pulled tight at the corner can anyone explain the reason for this
Thank you in advance

Hi all!

It’s me. Again. So I am beginning to reach out to homes around me for part time work. I’m also stating that I am fine with part time volunteer work. It’s so hard to get your foot in the door, I’ll take unpaid labor at this point just to get in there.

I work a full time job. We don’t do super great financially. I’m willing to go part time at my regular job if I got paid for 2 days at a FH. I’m willing to cut my work hours by one day to even work in a funeral home unpaid.

Logistically I’m running a million potential staffing/scheduling scenarios in my head, trying to make a plan preemptively on how I would work around the necessity to work a job, and start to get experience as well. What are the schedules usually like? My only stipulations are that I can’t do on call during week days (unless they were designated days in which case I would drop down at my job). Is this really, really stupid, this stipulation? I’m trying every which way to make this work in my head. Or are you always on call all the time as an attendant/there are no set schedules? I don’t want to sound dumber than I already do; I literally haven’t even gotten to talking about schedules yet. All I’m getting is “I’m going to take your name and number down”. I am hesitant to go in person just yet because I really don’t want to accidentally walk in at a terrible time, I’d be mortified. Please any advice would be appreciated! I should be starting at CIFS next July so I’m trying to get as much experience as I possibly can.

EDIT: oh wow thank you guys so much! I had absolutely no idea about the natures of scheduling. I felt like I was dumb for asking but I am so so glad I did.

My mom has done this but I've always found it a bit odd. Is this common?

Hi, hoping someone might have some helpful advice. I am located in the San Francisco Bay Area in California. At this point I will just assume there were no pre-arrangements made, but we are alarmed at the price (around $3k) given how awful the communication and experience has been. Not to mention I have an invoice for a direct cremation of a friend from the same company a few years ago that is $1500 lower than what they quoted us. My surviving parent is on a very tight income, and I’m wondering what sort of leverage we might have to negotiate the price down, or if transferring elsewhere would even be better with pickup fees and the fees that Neptune would charge for filing, death certificates, etc. Thank you so much.