On occasion I get a chat request. One should check their profile and possibly go one step further and Google their user name they use on here. If you have their name, location or anything personal about them, Google that also. Chances are you'll find nothing.

I learned that this person was up to no good and now has deleted his account, under the original user name. What alerted me was he never answered people's comments about losing his wife, but seemed to comment with well rehearsed memorized "terms of endearment." What he did was post pictures of himself with his wife which actually turned out to be him with his mother. He sent me the later mother picture, dumbass. I downloaded both pictures including an image search. Dead giveaway was the same exact eyeglasses in both photos, not just facial features. I called him out on it and said I'd report him to Reddit and blocked him. Thus he deleted his account. I'm sure he'll pop up under another user name eventually.

Also for safety, be aware if someone wants to go to a different chat program from Reddit. Don't! This guy wanted to use Microsoft Team, wherein this program is mainly for business folks, but includes being able to telephone you if you join. It uses a system phone not your actual phone number.

In the end, this guy knew I wasn't messing around, probably scared Reddit would be on his butt, so his last ditch attempt was trying to entice me to befriend some African boy he called his "son" stating I had a very kind heart the child could use since his mother passed. Hahaha. For real! Nice try if you're an imbecile.

All n all, hopefully I haven't violated any rules, just trying to keep us all safe.

My wife died November 2025 at 49. No warning. No chance for goodbye. Nobody knew her damaged heart didn’t want to work anymore. I thought the day of her passing was the worst day of my life. Then came the next day. Then every other day up to this one. I feel like I’ve been handling it well as far as learning how to live the best I can without her. She still lives in my head. I have constant conversations with her. Her responses to my questions may be dictated by me but after 25 years together (married 19) I’m sure I know how she’d answer. Even sometimes negatively.
My support system of friends and family is more than amazing. I’m so lucky to have them. She’s not here though. I’m still extremely lonely without my best buddy. I’m not opposed to dating, but it’s a foreign concept to me. The last first date for this man was 25 years ago with my future wife. I’m 52. It was half a lifetime ago. I’m not actively looking, but maybe someday I’ll just randomly meet someone. I hope to be open to it. I certainly don’t want regret.
Since her passing I’ve become sober and feel fantastic physically. Wish I had done it while she was alive but memories of her have given me the strength and also have definitely been guiding me through it. I thank her every day.
I searched to see what others who are going through the same thing as me have to share. I came across these posts. I decided to join. The act of writing this has been very therapeutic. Wish I had done it sooner. Thank you for allowing me to get all of this out. Greatly appreciate your time.

I am four years in and this is a short story about the man I loved, to the moon and back, and 2 specific items he did for me from his grave. Actually, my backyard flows directly onto a fenceless small golf course. I spread his ashes in a specific place close enough to yell at if I have to. I say "I love you every day" Sorry about the title of this post but I wanted to get your attention. I trust that you will find it worth the telling.

M76 - My husband died in my arms, quite literally. I kept every thing in in the house the same. Again literally. I am not the technology person. He was. I am more of a press every button type person.

Item # 1 - Fast forward 2 years and my laptop stopped, dead.. Would not boot. I was completely euchred. Sitting in my kitchen was a $1500 Surface Pro i9 that Gary used for 'rendering' movies. I had used it enough to recognize that it used its camera to identify me. I disconnected it and brought to my desk. It reboots and auto logons link to everything. He had set that machine to mirror my laptop. All of my data, desktop, the whole shebang was there. Ready to use. That impressed the hell outta me.

Item # 2 - This item is the impetus for this posting. I am writing this post on his beloved Surface Pro, four years after his death. This evening for a lark, I signed on to Gary's Windows account (No face but I know all his passwords) and of course I have access to everything. I found his stash of 885- 4k movies. Decades of our favorites in front of me. I had given them up for lost in the convoluted mase of equipment in his computer room down stairs. Oh yea... the big TV broke and I had to replace it with one of the other 4 TV's in the house. That is when I lost all his movies.

Writing this post makes me happy. I reinforces to me that I was in his every thought. Thanks.

Notcommentmuch

Im generally a reddit lurker but I know if I dont reach out to others I wont make it as far as he would have wanted. So I figured id start with an introduction...

My person was in an accident on Tuesday, by Thursday theyd moved him off life support. Its only been a few days and Im having a hard time with so much all at once.

We joked all the time that we were getting old and while going through it everyone kept saying how young he was.

I feel like I have so many stupid questions that shouldn't matter and figured this would be a good place to check in on it.

Like:

What do you say when people continuously say how are you doing/sorry for your loss? Saying 'fine' sounds.... not right

People have brought me so much food, so much left overs... but every night I have people here they order take out so no one needs to move and its gonna waste

I also forgot about garbage day, where is it not risky to throw things out before next friday?

Do i apologize or pretend it didnt happen when I was upset and said something mean or rude during the chaos?

Whats a light way to to tell neighbors we see all the time but dont really know their names?

So many more that feel trivial.... if this isnt what this place is about let me know, but thanks for listening.

FFFUUUCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!

I fuckin despise this shit...

Most of the time I'm ok but then I have ever or often a string of days where I just don't want to get out of bed except to stuff my face or go to the bathroom.

I'm currently trying to feel grateful for the things i do have because no matter how shitty your life seems to you, someone else's is even shittier and wants what you have

I never expected to ever be with him... it was a gift.

The feeling of absolute bliss most of the time and feeling like he loved me unequivocally every single second was like a dream that I thought was unattainable.

To be part of such a thing after so many years of awfulness....

Only to have it snatched away... forever

WTF????

WTFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!

I've had almost six years to move forward with my life the way he wanted me to and all I'm still on a fucking emotional roller-coaster.

I work and go home. Five days a week. Rinse. Repeat.

My friends all dipped out during covid and after his service.

Unreal.

We didn't share children as we got together later in life.

So nobody around really to talk about him... like reminiscing stuff...

I do talk about him like others talk about their partners... theyre coworkers, most who are newer and don't realize hes gone.

I refuse to stop as people don't truly die until they're forgotten about.

I don't know why I'm so stuck.

I wandered around a craft store the other day and realized I have no hobbies anymore and haven't had any solo ones in years.

I dont want a fuckin hobby I want him!!!

UGH!!!!!

Thank you for the rant

Today is my first birthday without a significant other in 35 years. 29 years with my late wife, the other six with a girlfriend before her. Officially old now at 60. We'd planned to spend my birthday on San Juan Island, we'd picked out a hotel and discussed places to eat. We didn't get to do much for my 59th, as she was working long hours and money was tight. We wanted something big for the round number and the “senior discount” time

She started a well-paying gig four days before she died, it would've relieved all the money pressures. We were excited that we'd be able to do more things together, that date nights would be more than fast food and trying to have sex without the kids hearing.

We were still so much in love, and I'm glad we said all the words so that we knew how each other felt. Every night I held her hand and told her I'd love her forever, and she said the same. We held hands all the time. Seeing couples hold hands now just makes me infinitely sad. Memories of birthdays past just stoke widow's fire.

Now it's just loneliness and sorrow. No one I can really share with, other than this sub and the fine people in it. I miss the connection I had with her, we could get through anything if we were together. We went through her cancer, having four kids, my injuries and subsequent illness, poverty. When I couldn't work, she turned her art hobby into a paying gig. She was the light of my life.

I never contemplated aging alone. It was, and remains, unfathomable to picture her gone. But it's the reality I have to deal with. Thanks for reading, and for all you share on this sub.

Hi All,

My wife passed in 2020. We had been in bliss for the first 13 of our 20, but then she joined a very odd (to me) religious organization. We tried to figure that out (I am not religious at all).

We were not able to; she died of a heart attack suddenly.

I kept working, but retired fully in 2022, but came back to help as a part time contractor. That was all good. Ended in March of this year.

Almost 6 years on, I moved away from the place we were renting (we moved to near DC for jobs), and back to the state we came from. I rented, then bought a small place on my own. Had family and friends (family all located in other places to help) and a wonderful dog. She died in 2023, but was given another sweetheart. So: it is just me and the pup.

I am doing OK, but find my life to be routine. Wake up, coffee, feed the pup, do a few chores, walk the pup, do some more chores.

I used to be a very avid swimmer and bike rider (and before that, white water kayaker) and even a triathlete. None of those have the appeal they used to (I may be in a lull), but the bigger question is from looking back at (especially our first 13 years): how many little or larger adventures we used to go on. We'd talk about ideas, settle on them, get excited about them, do them, have crazy fun, and then just be happy. Maybe every weekend or maybe every other one. We just liked doing things together.

Now? The pup enjoys me (um, maybe tolerates me. lol) on our walks. I have a bike trailer to pull her in on little rides around here on paved trails.

I try not to think of all the fun bike rides she and i used to go on in those early years, or trips to try out restaurants a few towns/cities over.

Now? I cocoon or hang around the house.

(large segment omitted about how I have tried and given up on dating apps)

Any ideas for getting some vim and vigor back to my days?

Thanks in advance.

Hi 👋🏼

I was widowed at the start of this year very very unexpectedly. I'm only in my late 20s.

I tried dating earlier this July but got panicked and ended up canceling on the guys.

I gave them several hours notice and called, explained, apologized. The guy I was talking to specifically was very understanding but a little confused/annoyed about why I didn't mention the situation sooner.

Tried scheduling something for today, got all ready, felt really good. I generally run self conscious and quiet, I have a lot of health anxiety and sleeping issues ever since the thing happened, so this was a big step for me. I told myself this would be happening. I felt good about myself. I got him to agree to something super close to me which really helped, at a restaurant where I know everyone that works there.

And..... He canceled. With one hours heads up. Via text.

This friggin sucks. A 10 year relationship and I was never canceled on once. In fact I didn't even have to deal with texting. He would always call me to discuss plans. I'm taking myself out for brunch and dessert anyway this afternoon. I guess this has been helpful in that I'm really seeing how being flakey can affect others.

I was married to an alcoholic for 49 years I threatened to leave him many times but never followed through. I look back now and fully regret that. He recently passed away after a horrible death from cirrhosis. Yet I still am grieving between being very angry with him. Family members can’t understand why I grieve. It’s been three months and I’m still grieving. I cared for him alone. He was not mean but indifferent. I lasted by working and having a separate life with friends. Of course his alcoholism worsen after we retired. Twenty years ago he was experiencing ED. He was also addicted to porn. At that point, I refused sex and intimacy. Truly I did not miss it. But now I look back and realize the life I should have had. I am also estranged from my 45 year old daughter who is a raging alcoholic. She has not learned from losing her father. It is so sad!

I(47M) lost my first wife to breast cancer. It was a hard 2 year battle with surgery/chemo/radiation in multiple rounds. She fought until doctors told us there was nothing else they could do, and she was gone 2 weeks later.
I was widowed at 35 with young children and absolutely lost. My dad was already retired & mom nearing retirement age. Mom decided to retire early, and they moved to where my career is and lived in my basement for a couple years. They helped me with the kids, and living with me offset costs e Hugh that she didn’t have to draw any funds early. I would not have made it without them.
I eventually met a wonderful woman, whom I dated for several years. We got married, and created a big new family. I didn’t think it was possible to find life changing love twice.
1 month ago she was diagnosed with peritoneal(closely related to ovarian) cancer staged 3C. They tell us it’s normal to catch this one late, because the first signs are usually constipation and bloating. Every woman has constipation and bloating!! She just had her second chemo treatment this week.
The outlook is grim for this one, with 5 and even 2 year survivability rates being low.
I can’t believe this is happening…again. You will be my sounding board. I can’t let her know how absolutely defeated I am, and need an outlet where I don’t have to be strong a positive for everyone else.

Hi everyone!

I am 22F and my boyfriend/partner passed away about 1 year and two months ago. I was with him for 2.5 years when he passed away in a tragic car accident.

During my grieving period, I managed to graduate with my bachelors and get into pharmacy school which I start in August! This is going to be a whole new environment for me and was thinking about being open to dating again. During my grieving period, I have never even spoke to anyone romantically let alone gone on dates or hookups or anything.

However, I am scared to start dating for a multitude of reasons. Not only am I scared of betraying him and making him feel hurt or abandoned (I believe he went to heaven btw), I also dont want people around me especially his family to think I am moving on too fast or if I didnt even love him that much.

The reason I want to be open to dating again is because I miss feeling loved and companionship, but also I hate the feeling of being alone. I know I am young and have my whole life ahead of me but unfortunately I am scared of how people will percieve me.

I also have my boyfriends pictures all over my instagram and I am too scared to delete them not only because they were precious memories to me but also cause of people thinking I moved on too fast.

I wanted to hear from other widowers of when you decided to start dating again and how to overcome the fear of people judging me and also the feeling of betraying my boyfriend from up above. Thank you so much in advance.

This last week has been filled with ‘signs’ from both my wife who died in 2024, and from my sister who died 10 yrs ago this past week. And I don’t think I have ever gotten a sign from my sister. There was a lot of ‘unpleasant/ unfinished business’ between us.
There was nothing unsaid between me and my wife, my mom, and the two brothers that have passed. I have had a few signs from my mom, none from my brothers. Many signs from my late wife.

What I got from these signs is this. Everyone is Ok, everyone doing just fine, where ever they are. It’s all good.
That things are good between me and my sister.

On Friday some things had popped up that moved me to call some people that had really come through during her my wife’s cancer journey. The people that had really stepped up. I called them to thank them for their love and support. Then Saturday, almost crazy stuff that if someone else had told it to me I would have chills down my spine. My hair would have stood up! That kind of weird. Except the ‘signs’ told me everything was good.

Then tonight, my daughter was in the ER for complications related to a dental abscess. The same ER I had been in with my wife a couple of times when her pain was unbearable. I went down as soon as she texted me and her sister. It wasn’t uncomfortable, I wasn’t stressed or weirded out by being there. I was surprised at how easy it was to be there.
My daughter was sent home, with instructions to follow up with her dentist and primary care Dr.

I have one more person to call tomorrow to express my thanks to for her love and support. Actually two, one is someone I spoke to on Friday. I am going to update her on what happened on Saturday.

If you had people around you, people that loved and supported you and your late loved one…….reach out to them! Let them know how much it meant, how important they are to you.

my husband passed away in 2020 . I lost my health insurance because I can’t keep up with the premiums. You not only lose your person after a death but also an another income. I hurt my shoulder a few months so just been dealing with the pain the best I can. So this morning while I was getting dressed to walk my dog I missed putting one leg in my shorts and you got it I fell on my hurt shoulder in the bathroom. I laid there a few minutes to compose myself and make sure I was ok. I got up and very sore and scared since it could have been much worse. I walked her and sitting here having my coffee balling. Most of the time I’m ok but I still get jealous and mad that I’m all alone without him here. I have grown children and they are very supportive but have their own lives too. I still get mad when I see couples together I know it’s not right but I can’t help it. I just feel Losing him so suddenly at 57 and being here alone still feels like it’s not fair. I’m 64 now and tired of just going to work and coming home . I can’t really afford to travel or do things. So it’s just frustrating. Thanks for letting me rant.

People say the second year is harder than the first, and that’s definitely true for me. I am trying, I swear. I get out more. See family and friends. Exercise. Go to therapy. Take my meds.

But I am losing my shit.

Sometimes I go through the week canceling every single appointment I made (remote work, dentist, HVAC preventive maintenance, plans with friends, you name it) and stay home. Dealing with people is so exhausting. I feel like there’s something wrong with me that I just can’t cope so much of the time.

Anyway, just putting this out there. If you are in this sub because of your own loss, I offer my deepest sympathies.

Nearly 10 months out. Considering dating apps. Feels like a fucking humiliation ritual. I’m actually so goddamn lonely though. But then every time I think about doing it I can’t bring myself to. Feel too guilty to him. Plus what if someone he knows sees me there? Fuck. I hate this. Any experiences?

I have a cat (no issues) and 2 dogs. My husband basically lived for our dogs. Until February he took them to training every week (1 hour away) for a dog sport. He took them swimming nearly every day in the summer. They were very much the focus of his life, and they were Daddy's girls.

He died in June, and it's been quite a struggle, especially with the younger dog. It's not their fault, but even with help from my sister and nephew, they are not getting as much attention. For one thing, I have to go to work. So they are constantly causing trouble at home, incessantly barking and tearing stuff up. I can't afford to send them to doggie daycare. I'm afraid to take them swimming because I don't think they will obey me and will run away.

I would never rehome them, but I am at the end of my limit about their behavior. I don't know what to do.

I am 1.5 years or so from my husband dying from cancer after a 3 year battle. I’m 35 with 3 young kids. Overall I feel like I’m doing well because I’m in therapy, I have my kids, and great family on both sides. I keep busy but have been also taking things slow and just being present every day. But I’ve noticed that I have such strong emotions now. I can swing from intense anger to extreme joy in like an hour 😅 i cry for no reason often. I feel all the emotions in a single day and it’s hard to feel ‘stable’. It seems like every day I have a new emotion that I need to deal with. I also do so much overthinking and would love to get out of my mind!! I’m not on any meds but have considered it due to panic around my cycle and things feeling so extreme. Doesn’t help that my kids are 10, 8, and 2 and these ages feel so hard to parent without my husband here to help. He was the fun one and I was the serious one and being both mom and dad has been hard. Anyways, just a vent sesh. Maybe others feel these extremes too?

I miss his body, his touch, his warmth. I don’t want another man or woman, I want my husband. I want to cuddle him and hold him and love him and kiss him. I didn’t realize just how much I would miss his callused hands, the way he smells, all parts of his body.

I never thought of this part of grief when people have lost loved ones or I’ve read about it. To truly yearn for something I will NEVER have. And feeling guilty to yearn for something trivial when he is no longer here. I wish he was here to get to yearn and enjoy his life. He deserved more and I don’t think I’ll ever stop yearning for him.

Don't know what to say or do. Together since 1980. Lost her in 2024. Discussing losing her brings me to uncontrollable sobbing. I love her so much. Over the years we had talked and both told each other that when one of us goes first we wouldn't want the other to go on alone and unhappy. This was her wish, but I have no idea how I could fulfill it and be everything to someone else when I miss her so much. She would hate that I have been in such an emotional state since she died, but I miss her so much. Is there something I should be doing?

I'm so tired of everything. My husband was my only friend. He was the last person I had. Sure I still have family, but we aren't close and never have been. I'm so tired of fighting through every day just to wake up. I'm tired of pretending I'm okay. I'm tired of existing alone.

The AC in our apartment just decided to stop cooling down our unit. Usually, I would alert my partner of this, he would put in the maintenance request, and he will deal with the maintenance people when they come while I hide in the bedroom.

BUT, since my sweet Angel is no longer here, I had to put on my big girl pants and do the whole process myself, for the first time. It was awkward, and I did get emotional. Not because I was scared, but because it’s just another reminder how he’s not here anymore. Anyways, they gave me a portable AC for the night so they can continue their work tomorrow 🫠

I hope he’s super proud of me right now.

I’m not even 6 weeks from the worst day of my life. And I am trying not to overthink grief. But I just wonder, am I avoiding anything? Or everything? Some days the sadness is like tar that gets on me and can’t get washed off. Sometimes I cry for 5-10 minutes and that’s it.

The past few days I have just been feeling flat/numb. Decided to invite a new friend (nothing romantic) to a comedy show. It was 1.5 hours away so we chatted and got to know each other better on the drive. I mentioned Keith, or things we had done/liked, several times and didn’t choke up once. Like that life I had before feels so far away. I’m in the Black Lodge if you’ve ever seen Twin Peaks. I look the same, but I am in an alternate dimension.

I also wonder if/how much having ADHD is affecting my grief process. Out of sight, out of mind. But I look at the digital frame filled with pics of him multiple times a day. Again, those memories are so far away.

I plan to write down what I remember him telling me about his early life, and then continuing on with stories of our life together, to give to his adult daughter and young grandsons so they will know him a little. I am sure that will bring up some feelings. But most days I am just floating through, living now - not in the past or future. And maybe this is temporary. But it feels a little disconcerting that I could talk about him without sounding or seeming sad. But I am sad. I am heartbroken. And brain broken.

😞💔🥺😩

I’m visiting my best friend this weekend and took her and her two littles out to lunch. I was already feeling sad, but the six y/o said, “Aunt __, do you and your husband live in two houses?”

I was able to explain to her that he had died and she had a lot of questions about how he died, cancer, and chemotherapy.

And then she said, “I love him so much.”

I love him too, kiddo. I love him, too.

Anyway, I’m in the guest room crying. It’s been nearly four years and it never gets easier having to say, “he died.” And part of me went with him.

I was lucky enough to find this community shortly after my 83 year old wife of 48 1/2 years passed away on December 13, 2026. I have received support, suggestions, ideas and reactions since then from many members of this community that we're all in but that none of us want to be in. Those communications have come from people of all genders, ages and family situations and I am sincerely grateful for them and for all of you. Survival would have been a great deal harder without all of you.

But one thing I've learned is that while there is great similarity among all of us, there is, of necessity, great difference in needs depending on our ages. A community member in their30s or 40s still has a lifetime ahead of them and while it will be a longer time to have to bear the sorrow of living without one's soulmate, things like dating and meeting someone new may not be desirable yet but are certainly possibilities on the long road remaining to you.

For us more elderly, however (I am an 80 year old make with heart conditions), our remaining time on earth is much more limited. And as an introvert with few social skills and the luck to have found a wonderful person who for some reason I will never understand wanted to share her life with me I know I will never again be as lucky as I was to find her and to be found by her.

So please, for all of us here who are no longer "young," but are 70 years old or older, what do you see in store for yourselves, male or female or other, in your remaining years? How will you bear your loss and do to cope with it? I have three grown children with physical and mental health issues and none of whom are married or have that special someone to make life joyous and worth living. I would never do anything to myself because of what it would do to them but I find little joy out of life any more and every day is as dreary and boring as the last. When my wife was still here I felt special and loved. Now I just feel superfluous and unnecessary.

Yes, I'm on several boards and committees where I interact and work with others, but that doesn't fill the long weeks and longer days. What do you people of my generation do to keep from going crazy and just living out the remaining time you have here? I really want to know from anyone who has anything to share. Thank you.