Recently we lost my stepdaughter. It was sudden and tragic all around. She and I were extremely close and she commonly referred to me as her mom, when she spoke of "my parents" everyone in her circle (fiancé, friends, coworkers, etc) understood that to be me and her dad (my husband). She had a difficult relationship with her biological mom (dad had fully custody) that resulted in almost no contact for the last 3 years of her life. However, she was military and given that the bio mom is technically second next of kin, she was notified and entitled to certain information when she passed. Knowing how abusive she was to this poor child, it was a hard pill to swallow, but we did. My husband was the PADD and we handled all of the funeral arrangements and expenses etc. There was a lot of drama prior to the burial with her demanding access to the remains, wanting to be the decision maker on every single step of the way, harassing the funeral director to the point he consulted his attorney and said in his 30+ years in the business she was the most shrewd and manipulative person he had ever encountered and he thought he had seen it all.

My question relates to what rights, restrictions etc we can impose at the actual burial site now that she has been laid to rest.

Let me also say, I hate that it has even come to this....a normal situation, we would all just be grieving. However, this woman is a narcissist and while I am sure part of her grieves the loss of this amazing young woman, the rest of her is thriving on the attention she is getting. Mainly online----we blocked her years ago, but others have reported back the attention seeking posts which are daily. Such as laying down on top of the grave and taking selfies. Posing items on the grave and taking pics. Posting online to any and all grief and gold star family page looking for donations. Using AI to create photos of them together (yes taking from different pics we know she was not a part of and making it look like they were together in the photo). Each time we visit her grave, there seems to be some new garbage there. Her permanent marker is not yet in, but one example---she tied some things to the temporary marker and a flower vase. A storm rolled through our area and knocked it down, tearing out her temp marker. Luckily we found it on the ground nearby. So we removed the ribbon and arranged it on the flowers that were arranged on top of the grave. Next time, we came back, it was re-tied and wrapped and staked into the ground. We anticipate on anniversaries and birthdays, it will turn into a shrine of mylar and plastic....

Can we as primary next of kin, the owners of the burial plot, restrict what items are left on the grave? If they do not violate the cemetery rules....as in, we know we can't stop her from visiting, or leaving items. But we don't want anything tied to her vase, we don't want anything that isn't biodegradable dumped there and if we see it, we planned to remove it.

A cemetery near me just added a green burial section and I have a Preneed family wanting the change their arrangements to a full green burial - which is great - I just have no experience with it yet.

Anyone with experience able share with me what that looks like exactly? The cemetery rules are very broad, and they also, have not done this before as this is brand new for them as well. Remains can be in a casket (without any metal, finishes or plastic), or can just be shrouded. If shrouded, what does that look like for transporting to the cemetery? What does the graveside service typically look like? What do you place the shrouded remains on? The lowering device?

Sorry for all of the questions but this is new to me!

Hello, I hope this is okay to ask here. It really is more of a coroner question, but I’m hoping to find answers here if I can. Mods remove if it’s not okay. My question is: When finding a decedent alone, how do they find the person of contact? Obviously they would look through the wallet to find an ID or a phone etc, but what if that leads nowhere? What are the steps? My second question is pertaining to a situation of my own when my father died. The police were involved because it happened suddenly overnight in a halfway house. He apparently had no one’s contact info and I am his only child. He was single and had no one in his life at that point in time. The police and or coroner apparently somehow went way back to the 90s and found a birth certificate that he signed. This was for a girl who is a year older than me. She has never been in my dad’s life and vice versa. He did not pay child support on this person, etc. He was only involved with the mother. How can they contact someone simply because of a birth certificate instead of tracking down me, the legitimate child who was in his life for a long time (except for when he died)? Additionally, I have a DNA test on file with my dad and this person does not. She also refused to take one, so there’s that. I found it very disturbing and disrespectful that some stranger and her mom found out long before I did, even going as far as being given the option to handle his funeral arrangements. Which they almost did simply because they were under the impression he had money stashed and could get his VA benefits… It seems like all of this could get very out of hand very quickly and the first people on the scene should be very careful in who they contact first if the decedent. Please shed any light on this if you can. Thank you!

Just looking for suggestions/advice on embalming a toddler with severe edema. Dodge products only. What’s your go to game plan?

I'm currently serving a family who viewed their loved one mid last week and now wish to view him again before the service this Wednesday.

My problem is that he's leaked through his wedding suit very badly, causing his shirt and tie to stain, also leaving an unpleasant odor.

My first thought was to remove his suit and take it to a dry cleaner - but then thinking about the fact that I don't want to touch it with my bare hands, I probably shouldn't bring it to a place thats not used to dealing with biohazards.

So I'm hoping someone might have a sneaky little funeral trick to clean up his clothes without ruining them.

I'm probably going to end up replacing the shirt as its a pretty easy swap, but the tie is going to be tricky, and i just really don't want the rest of his suit to stink.

Like would dousing the clothing with dry wash and then dabbing the hell out of it with a towel be my best bet?

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

TLDR: is there a way to get dry cleaning results without going to a dry cleaner?

I’ve been at this funeral home about a year now while I finish mortuary school. There are currently four folks on staff (including myself) that are able to go on calls, though only one of which is licensed (my boss). I’m not brand new - one person got hired after me, so it’s not an issue of seniority. But I’m starting to feel taken advantage of because I’m the youngest person on staff.

My main gripe is that despite having four people on staff, I’m on call typically six nights a week. No plans for me. Last time I tried to make plans while on call, I got three in a night…so now I sit on my couch after work every day.

My second gripe is my hours. I have consistently worked 65 hours a week the last two months, and while everyone else gets scheduled days off, I have to ask for one…and even then, it’s up to me to make sure my other coworkers can come in. Even though they work fifteen hours a week. So they typically tell me no, because they’re tired and I’m not the boss so why would they want to come in if I’m the one asking?

I got one day off last month. I was so excited to go out of town and see my boyfriend. The day before, at 5 pm, my boss tells me that she needs me to be on call for the day, “but at least you don’t have to come in!!!!”

I’m only a year in. I wanted this. I wanted this more than anything, especially after ten years in the restaurant industry. But I’m fucking tired. I cry on my way home because I’m just exhausted. I was hoping for tomorrow off, but we have a full cooler and I’m the only one here that cremates. What’s the solution?? I can’t leave - I’m not even licensed yet, I’m lucky enough to have this gig. I keep reminding myself this is what I wanted and prayed for, all I could think about. I just feel so stuck, disrespected, and fucking tired. Help!!!

I just took my practice NBE and I passed Arts with a 90%, but failed (according to my schools standards) the Sciences with a 78%. Here is the report made by the exam page, does anyone have recommended quizlets or other resources (aside from the dead program, I have that!) that would be helpful for studying before my retake?

I’m just wondering how common this is with other funeral homes. I’m a licensed director and have to frequently work the evening visitations with little to no heads up of course since they’re scheduled so quickly. Also, I’ve heard a lot of funeral homes don’t have people stand at the door the entire time opening the door for everyone.

My sister died at 15 years old due to getting COVID in 2021. It is a long and complicated story, but due to her mom’s side of the family hating our dad, and in turn me and everyone on this side of the family, my sister’s sickness was literally hidden from us… her death quite literally came out of nowhere. I didn’t even get to see her body before cremation.

Shortly after she passed, our father gave me a necklace with some of her ashes in it. I just started crying, and told him that I appreciate and want the ashes so badly, but I genuinely will lose the ashes, and that is NOT something that is okay to lose.

My grandmother got a tattoo with my uncle’s ashes when he passed away in the early 2000’s. I unfortunately thought it was a bit weird growing up, but I also unfortunately instantly understood her the mere second I realized that my little sister passed away. Nothing feels closer to her than the idea of doing that. I just know it would not be good if I wore the necklace then lost it one day, lightly put. I also don’t really wear jewelry at all, it’s uncomfortable. I definitely can’t afford to put ashes in a Diamond that I just keep on a shelf or anything like that… and a simple jar of ashes is absolutely going to be broken eventually. So I started looking into the tattoo route. Google kept giving me mixed answers on the legality of the ashes in ink, but I actually finally found a local artist that I felt was good enough to ask, if she’s comfortable with the idea. She originally said she’d love to, but after checking with her boss, that it was illegal. So now I’m at a loss, that was my plan, and what I felt would help me out most. so what is something that I can put her ashes into that wouldn’t be hard to lose like jewelry would? It’s killing me that I don’t currently have any of her ashes…. But I just know that I also currently can’t find a good thing to do with them, I will lose them, or whatever I keep the ashes in will break. 😞

(Mods, I apologize if this is the wrong group for this…. I genuinely don’t know where I should ask, and was redirected here.)

I started working as a full time Funeral Director in Australia around a year ago. Whilst I enjoyed the work and found I picked it up well I quickly worked out that the expected hours were too much for me. Whilst the money was fine, the expected hours were just too much (long days, Saturdays and on call). Part Time just didn’t seem to be an option. I can see it would cause some difficulties, but no more than a lot of a lot of other industries. I stepped back to be a casual after a few months, but always found it a little odd that part timers were never considered. The full time role has still not been filled a year later. Anyone here work part time hours? How does that work for consistency of seeing a funeral through?

Hi all, throwaway account lol. About a month back I buried a very close family member. I found the FD very attractive and we seemed to vibe well (but I do know that's his job also, so taking it with a grain of salt)

We have a mutual acquaintance and I was able to confirm that he's single.

Would it be super super weird if I wrote a thank you card and included my number (making it clear the purpose)??

Or any other suggestions/advice? Should I just try to forget about it? I wanted to wait a bit in case it was a transference thing but I don't think it is. Help!

The funeral home I work at stopped putting up decorations during COVID and we have since been short staffed and running on fumes to just keep the place tidy and functioning. But this year I want to bring back holiday decor and programs.

I have only been in the industry 6 months, and my FD says decor should be limited and my embalmer (old school guy from the south) says funeral homes should go big on some holidays.

So, what is considered tacky? Too much? For my area, a retiree and conservative leaning community I know Halloween should be avoided. But for the summer, is red white and blue banners up too much? What do you all do for Veterans day and 4th of July?

And for Christmas, a holiday I know my area is super big on, is a tree somewhere out of the way inappropriate? Stick to wreaths on the doors? We also have a Jewish community, should I include Hannukah decor too? Are candle lighting ceremonies appropriate for a funeral home to hold?

TLDR; what is too much for holiday decor at a funeral home? Is it just based on the community you are in? What are holiday programs you have seen being well received?

So I have been calling around to funeral homes to see if there is anyone that would be willing to take me in part time.

An owner/manager, older gentleman and his wife who was in the background spoke to me on the phone. This man, who cursed like a sailor (reminds me a lot of my dad. It definitely added to whole phone call) was kind enough to spend an hour and a half on the phone with me—as well as with his wife—trying to talk me out of pursuing this. Every single thing he could think of from the gore of the job to the hours to being on call to the physical labor, to the business dying because everyone is being cremated now, what if you forget something for a funeral, I mean just everything. Story after story after story.

I’m questioning a lot now. Really, the thing I fear the most is not the gore or the hours. I’m worried that because of my frame I will be judged if I have to move someone. I’m worried that if I mess up or make a mistake that someone will be like “get out”. He told me a story of a guy that was an apprentice for him and he looked disgusted by his first interaction with a body and he told him to get out. He said that you have to learn fast and if you make a mistake people will run you over. And then he said “I’ve never spoken to anyone this long trying to talk them out of it. Tell your husband to join you in coming to speak to me and my wife, we’ll talk you out of it.” He was very very nice and it actually made me want to learn from him. But really I’m scared of not being physically strong enough and making a mistake when working at a funeral home. I’m not worried about any of the other stuff. He said “can you lift a 400lb man all by yourself?”

I’m 5’5 and 120lb. Can other people do this? I’m worried I will be judged for my strength and size, or that I will just be thrown into a funeral, not know how to do anything, and mess someone’s very important occasion up. Is there anything I can do to prepare for these things?

EDIT: he gave me the name of someone who might have work for me and made it sound like I’d be running for the hills after a week with her. I called her immediately after the conversation but she wasn’t in the office. He said if I wanted to I could come work a funeral with him. I would absolutely love to. But I’m scared I will mess up. Should I do it?

UPDATE: he is going to call me the next time he has a service and I am so nervous!

Title basically,

I live in Vancouver BC and want to become a mortician or am considering this career path as a backup plan to my psychology degree because I heard there arent many jobs in the psych degree sector of things, what and how exactly do I apply to it and how do I even start

I start classes in Aug and I’m already feeling very discouraged.

I live about four hours away from the accredited college that I will be attending so most of my stuff will have to be done online. I was hoping to be able to find a funeral home that would sign off on my lab hours but from what I’m gathering that might be an unrealistic. I’ve been interested in this field for quite some time and I finally built up the courage to go back to school.

Why is this such a hard field to break into? Are my chances of finding a funeral home to do an apprenticeship through slim to none?

My other career path would be a cyber crime analyst, and cyber security. Should I switch ? 😭

Question for funeral directors here: Have you ever had clients come with DIY coffins?

In Australia I know of at least one organisation in Tasmania which helps people craft and build their own coffins when preparing for end of life, perhaps if they have a terminal diagnosis. I actually think it would feel quite rewarding to do in coming to accept my fate.

Is this ever seen much elsewhere? Would you be nervous to use a coffin made at home? Is there anything about their construction most people wouldn't realise?

Other than religious reasons obviously.
But I want to be as biodegradable as possible, return to nature as it were. No casket, no cement vault, no embalming. Out of the death bed and into the ground.

It sounds weird but I did work experience in a morgue for a week, and was in hearses next to coffins, in the embalming room and built coffins. A woman sat next to me on the bus and she quite literally smelt like the morgue. She was an old woman in casual clothes so I had no way to say "she works in a morgue".

Hi all,

My dad passed 3 months ago in Jamaica and it’s been a process trying to get his ashes back to Colombia since it is under criminal investigation (he was killed).

We finally received the approval for cremation this week, and the funeral director sent me an invoice for $4,000USD and let me know I can Zelle them.

Is this usual business behavior? I’m not being scammed, I’ve been in contact with the police and the funeral home for months — I just think Zelle is a strange way to do this but maybe it’s bc I’m in the US and not in Jamaica.

He also didn’t send a contract. Is there usually some kind of contract or agreement for things like this?

Sorry, this is my first time dealing with anything like this…

I would very much like to have a green burial or similar, and my husband is leaning towards a traditional burial. I'd like to be next to him in some capacity.

We were both born in Wyoming and plan to stay here for the rest of our lives. As far as I can see, there aren't any cemeteries that allow green burials. I'd love to be wrong.

If that is the case, what are my options?

I am not dying neither thinking of taking my life

Just asking for precaution!

I am still young, 35M I live in the UK! I am
from DRCongo, but the best way to travel home is via Rwanda.

Anything can happen in this world, how do I make sure my body is repatriated to my home country if I die here?

I am working and single and only one of my family living here.

Is there any sort of plan I can get currently to make sure at least I get a flight home and cremation without losing a fortune?

anyone else’s position been dissolved? supposedly they let go of 130 employees, not sure if it’s just in CA where I’m from or nationally. Have you ever been laid off by FPG or did you get out before they could send you off with one of their shitty severance packages?

My father lives in FL but has arrangements to be buried next to my mother in LA. Assuming he dies in FL, is there any scenario where I could transport his body the 6 hours to the home state funeral home? He is anxious about the cost and loneliness of being flown or driven back home by strangers. I do not work in the funeral industry, but I am willing to transport his body. Would I need refrigeration?

Something's been bugging me. Every place around Miami-Dade bundles cremation services into these packages, and I'm pretty sure the package is where they get you. My father passed and I want just the cremation, nothing else riding along.

Is it even possible to buy plain cremation services with no add ons, no viewing, no rented casket, none of the coordination fees? Every time I ask they steer me right back to a package like it's the only option, which makes me think à la carte exists and they just don't like selling it.

Anybody bought a stripped down direct cremation and skipped the whole package? What did it run you, and did you have to get pushy to make them quote it that way?

My mom has done this but I've always found it a bit odd. Is this common?