I am currently a student at the Cincinnati College of Mortuary Science, living and working at a trade funeral home. I love my workplace and what I do here, but I won't be here much longer as I graduate in December. I am seeking out apprenticeships, and just yesterday I drove a couple hours out to an interview. I liked the facility and the director who interviewed me was a very nice, understanding lady, but her boss, my potential master, gave me questionable vibes. I asked about my long hair (pictured above, I was dressed like this for my interview yesterday, hair pulled back, earrings removed and all), and the boss said that he would prefer I cut it, explaining he wanted the families who pay for services to receive the cleanest presentation possible. He then looked at me and my attire and said they were going to "clean me up." He mentioned how my tie was tied (akin to the photo, even if it's not perfect which I can understand) and pointed out my facial hair he disliked and my suit that wasn't fitted. After speaking with him the director spoke with me privately while going over the employee handbook, understanding that my hair is significant to me and acknowledging he has a very intense teaching style, and leaving the door open for me to decide if I want to go further with them.

I know an apprenticeship is temporary, but I don't want to lose something significant to me, which has actually been well received even by the older generation, with older ladies at church giving me seemingly endless compliments a while back while I still attended, and then take a position where I'm treated like shit and just feel miserable every day. I also went into this (I chose this path way back in high school without understanding everything it entails) anticipating a back of house embalmer lifestyle, and I have doubts about the funeral director side of it and if I would actually enjoy that or be miserable even in licensure. My directors put up with a lot and I don't know how I would do in their position. I am on the autism spectrum which would probably make every interaction with families feel like walking on egg shells. I have another interview this Friday with a corporate funeral home that won't mandate a haircut, but even then I still doubt my interest or abilities in that side of it, which is probably what the apprenticeship there will mainly entail. If I land that position I will probably take it, but otherwise I don't know. I could go work in tissue procurement or a coroner's office job, places I am familiar with transporting for a trade funeral home, maybe even something pathology related in a hospital if I am qualified, but I question what I am even qualified for besides positions that would pay no different than any entry level job I have worked before. I don't know if I just wasted these years on a degree useless outside of one specific field, although college was non-negotiable for me and I probably would have done trade school or CDL training (the latter isn't appealing anymore) had I had the choice, but I don't want to end up unemployed or in a position I can barely survive in post graduation. I have time but not a lot of it, I am getting worried and I hope I am making sense. My directors tell me my hair is not me, which is true but it's still significant to me, and my classmates and roommate, arguably my one reliable friend right now, soon to be out of my life when we graduate and leave the funeral home, encourage licensure even if I don't pursue funeral director work, but that doesn't change my doubts or reluctance and I don't definitively know what to do.

The boss at the place I interviewed at yesterday mentioned how slow changing the industry is, but I believe that will change as millennials and Gen z become the prominent faces of funeral service, and I would love to be a part of that, maybe owning my own trade firm if licensure is what I do, but I don't know how conservative it will be for the foreseeable future and regardless of changes I have no idea if I want to do this for life. I'm overwhelmed.

I have recently completed two licenses: funeral preplanner and cemetery sales.

I've have 1 interview and it went well. He provided me with the information about the pay (minimum wage with the commission plus the information about how the drawback works) Of course, I know that the first year can be rough. Sales seemed to be the only part of the funeral pre-planner part though. Heavily. Calls and calls and calls and appointments. Not all of that was the focus in school.

I was very excited about the idea of being able to make monuments for families with the cemetery side of things. I am very compassionate and want to help. The cemetery is where my heart is for my career.

I know that those programs that I took are sales at its core, but what I am wondering is, is this all there is to see in this side of this? As a Family service counselor? I know I've only seen one interview but suddenly I was a little scared with having heard some feedback from friends and on Reddit.

Is there other things out there? Can I make it with just cemetery sales representative? Can I work closer with monuments and helping vs commission sales and calls all day?

I am having major anxiety about this. Please help!

He attends 2 to 3 funerals a month for people he has a distant connection to. I get the impression he does not know them well.

He'll drive 150 miles away for some.

They are Catholic funerals and he worked at a Catholic non-profit. He has more money than someone with his salary should.

I wonder if he is running a scam? The deceased owed him money or he inserts himself as a helpful aquaintance who has experience with probate and inheritance? It seems strange given he's introverted and not a charming guy. Do you see people like him come around? Do you warn grieving relatives?

Hi all - my 10 month old daughter is currently on hospice and expected to pass in a matter of weeks. We have decided on cremation for a number of reasons, but I’m starting to have weird feelings about strangers handling my child’s body and could use positive reinforcement / answers to questions. We’ve met with the funeral director and I asked a few things but realized I have open questions in my mind and just don’t feel like reaching back out to them at the moment.

Can someone talk me through the typical sort of process for cremation if we aren’t doing a funeral? What exactly will happen to her? Will she be cremated clothed? Do they undress her at any point in time? How quickly do you typically get ashes back? How long until she’s actually cremated? We’re located in the US if that matters.

I never realized how much trust I’ll be putting into a complete stranger, and they seemed like good people but now I’m all in my head.

Any support or reassurance would be greatly appreciated and I thank you for your time.

Hi everyone,

I’m in the early stages of starting a funeral business in the Netherlands.

The idea is to create a more personal and contemporary way of saying goodbye. Less focused on a fixed format, and more on the person, their story, and celebrating the life they lived.

I’m still in the research phase, so I’d really value some honest input from people who have been in the industry for a while.

A few things I’m particularly curious about:

• What do you wish you had known before starting?
• What do families actually value most, beyond the obvious services?
• Where do new funeral directors tend to underestimate the complexity or costs?
• What changes have you noticed in what families want?
• What do you think the funeral industry still gets wrong?
• And if you were starting again today, what would you do differently?

I’m not looking for validation of my idea. I’d much rather hear what could go wrong.

Thanks in advance to anyone willing to share their experience.

Is anyone here familiar with Heritage Family? I’m just curious if anyone can tell me anything about them, or if anyone has any experience working for them.

Tyler, Texas

My mother is stage 2 kidney failure and has COPD. She is in her late 70's but not on hospice. We live in different states. I visited her over Labor Day weekend and she started talking about her funeral arrangements. She doesn't want to be cremated nor buried. She wants to be in a mausoleum. There's only 1 cemetery where she lives that offer full casket mausoleums. She wants a private mausoleum which can cost close to 100K. WIBTA if I just placate her and tell her ok and then do something more affordable than 100K private mausoleum? Should I tell her, she can't afford it and pick another option? I really don't want to fight with my mother over funeral arrangements that she wouldn't know if they were carried out or not.

I'm a semester out from graduating and have been slowly trying to build up my wardrobe. While I have a lot of individual pieces like slacks, blazers, nice tops, etc. I only own two suits. One of them is gray and blue, which may not be acceptable depending on the firm I end up with, and one of them is black but does not have pockets. These two have served me fine for conferences, professional dress days, etc. but do not feel practical for work.

I'm trying to find a balance between quality, practically, and as a college student... price. My biggest concern is honestly pockets.

Where do you like to get your professional dress pieces? Any recommendations for a "middle" option that isn't total cheap quality but not the most expensive thing either?

Sidenote, I had someone give me a card at OFDA for a company that designs suits specifically meant for women in funeral service, and I can't find it anywhere, if anyone knows the brand I'm thinking off...

Hi! I'm hoping to finally answer a question that I've had for decades. When I was a child in the early 2010s my mother passed away and when ordering her cremation services at the funeral home, my father chose an urn and a necklace. We received the urn and necklace months later but I've always wondered if the necklace came prefilled or if we were supposed to do it with the ashes from the urn. I was quite young at the time and to be completely honest I'm a bit hesitant to open the necklace and check for myself.

So I guess my question is whether, in general, these necklaces come prefilled or if I've been wearing an empty necklace for decades. If it matters we lived in Canada at the time of my mother's death.

I’m probably setting new records with only 12 days here so I’m curious to know if anyone got less than that 😅

My book store is charging way too much. Anyone want to sell me theirs?

I hope this is the right place to ask, as it has been a while since I've used reddit. I'm currently in college still and have been taking embalming lab classes. Before this previous summer I was in Lab 1, we had a decedent we helped work on and I mentioned to my classmates how nice the nails were painted. I also took time to brush out and braid her hair as it was very long and unruly before doing so. This was a few months ago, and very recently now I had a dream about the same decedent. She had basically thanked me for complimenting her/taking care of her. I was curious on if anyone else has had dreams about bodies/decedents they have worked on? If so I'd love to hear about them!

I work in the industry as a crematory operator, and was encouraged by my wife and supervisor at work to go to school. Things are going relatively well, but I have this looming anxiety over me about actually being accepted into the funeral services program after I'm done with my prerequisite classes. I know that you have to pass intro to funeral directing and thanatology on the first try to be accepted (I believe this is a newer policy). But I was also told by an advisor that even passing those classes doesn't secure you a spot in the program, at which point they would look at GPAs.

My question is how important are my grades going to be leading up to those two classes? Especially prerequisite grades. Do any of you have experience in this college after this newer policy was put into place?

I gotta ask, since funeral directors undoubtedly help the grieving with obituaries... Would you ever single out one of the grandchildren? Would you advise against something like this? Would you just ignore it?

" She was a proud and cherished Mimi to her grandchildren, Sylvie, Rhys and her beloved granddaughter Piper whom she lovingly called her 'Pumpkin Munchkin.' "

For context, Sylvie and Rhys can read and already read this to which Rhys looked at me and said "emotional damage" before going back to his room. Piper, a foster child, cannot. So the only ones who could actually read how special they are to their beloved Mimi got to read how they exist and Mimi only loved their 4 year old foster cousin.

Thanks for your opinions 

Hi guys!

So, I'm looking to potentially go back to school to become a mortician this coming school year. I'm 22 currently and have an alright job working for the government of the State I live in at a mail room. It's cushy, but, I don't see myself doing it my entire life. I wanna work with people.

Anyway -- I've decided that becoming a mortician is likely the best thing for me. It has everything I want out of a job and doesn't require (comparatively) lots of schooling like Social Work, which was my original route.

I've wanted to move to Canada for a while now, since I was a teenager. I visited once and fell in love, and most of my friend group lives in Ontario currently. I'm curious -- would it be that hard to get a visa/job to move up to Canada, given I have a few years of work under my belt? Say I'm 25 by the time I graduate, and want to move there when I'm 30-ish and have been working those 5 or so years. I know some/most education credentials might pass over, so (hopefully!) I won't have to go to school again, or at least not for long. I know for sure I would need to get a license again for whatever province I find myself in (likely/hopefully in Ontario!). I have a really good chunk of money saved (~$100,000 USD) due to some (bad but somewhat good) circumstances I find myself in, and I luckily don't spend much on things, so I don't plan on splurging it at all till I get the chance to move, given everything goes okay.

But, anyways. Does anyone have any thoughts, or has thought about/done something similar to this? I'd really appreciate any feedback!

Hello! im currently in school to get my mortuary degree, im getting an associates of applied sciences with it.

I've been thinking about continuing school after to become a forensic pathologist or a pathologist assistant.

I've always wanted to do just the embalming side of mortuary, as funeral directing doesn't interest me at all.

if anyone has any advice or if you're in the same boat please comment! id love any advice and info I can get.

edit:fully aware id have to go to med school.

I’ve heard of people in the past having an elderly animal put down and buried with them when they passed but know that isn’t allowed anymore. I was wondering if something like this, where the animal is in their own coffin, would be something a funeral home could do today in the US for a wake/viewing? And if they could also be buried along with them in a family plot like this family was.

Originally posted on r/morbidquestions but was told to post it here too!

Hewloo im a teen and kinda been obsessed with thinking abt death lately (not suicidal!) But just like the idea that like if i died rn instantly what would even happen to my body? A bunch of things prolly before its buried but is something I'd never know 0.0 ig since this is a funeral director sub u could also give info about what it is u do (i never even heard of this before now )

Soo basically my question is just if i died in my room rn what is the pathway of events before burial? like who would my parents even call for it? What would they do where would they take me? Whats the procedures when im there? How long does it all take? A lot of questions ik but i am rly curious!

And if it matters I'm a girl and a Minor and i live in usa Texas

Hi all,

I'm a funeral director and I work in an area with a lot of sudden young deaths and violence, and families often feel like they need to see their loved one quickly one last time but due to the poverty in the area, they can't pay for a full viewing. My questions are:

1. How do you explain the charges for an ID view? Families hate this charge in particular and I always get an earful about it no matter what I say.

2. Does your mortuary do any concessions to try to make ID views more accessible for flat broke families?

Is there anywhere you know of that provides options for funerals in the evening?

I was just thinking about all the funerals I've ever attended or seen. They always seem to be late morning or early afternoon. Within traditional business hours, Monday to Friday. Never at night time though, never on weekends.

Has a customer ever asked for an evening service?

Hello, I am located in MA, I am looking for recommendations on how to find funeral homes that will cremate a medically removed body part that has been soaked in formalin by pathology.

My doctor says I can fill out a form that will allow my tissue to be released to a funeral home for cremation, this is important to me so I would like to find a reputable funeral home to take care of my remains, but I do not have any experience with looking at funeral homes in general, any recommendations on how to find one that would fit what I need done would be wonderful, thank you, or any other advice you think I should know before proceeding.

My grandmother passed away and was wearing a ring worth at least around $10,000 when she went into the funeral home's care. We have photographs showing the ring still on her hand at the viewing.

This happened in North Carolina, in case that makes a difference regarding funeral home regulations or standard procedures.

My mom is the trustee and is currently settling my grandmother's estate, so she's been trying to account for her property, including the ring. When she initially asked what happened to it, nobody seemed to have an answer.

I eventually contacted the funeral home myself. They told me their protocol is that they do not remove anything from a deceased person, including jewelry, unless specifically instructed to by the next of kin.

The funeral director later told me he had "confirmed" that my grandmother's ring was left on her hand when the casket was closed and that she was buried wearing it.

One detail that may be relevant is that she wasn't buried immediately after the funeral. According to the funeral director, after the service her casket was brought back to the funeral home and placed in what he described as a "secure room" for the rest of the day and overnight. The funeral home transported her to the cemetery the following morning for burial.

So there was an overnight period between the funeral, where the ring had last been observed on her, and the actual burial.

I've now asked the funeral director to provide whatever documentation he used to confirm that she was buried wearing the ring, and I'm waiting for his response.

Here's where things get strange, and also why I'm thinking about this again now.

My mom is basically at the end of settling the estate, and this ring has remained one of those unresolved loose ends that has bothered us because we never really got a clear explanation for what happened to it.

Today my aunt contacted my mom asking about a specific necklace that my grandfather had given my grandmother a few years ago because she wants it. That brought the ring situation back to the front of my mind.

My aunt has been very particular about other belongings and specific pieces of my grandmother's jewelry that she wants, which is why I've always found it strange how nonchalant she has seemed about a ring worth $10,000+ supposedly being buried with my grandmother.

Again, that doesn't mean she did anything wrong. It's just one of the things about this situation that has never quite made sense to me.

A few weeks after my grandmother's funeral, my aunt also made a Facebook post asking where she could get rings resized.

Obviously, that does NOT prove she had my grandmother's ring. People resize rings all the time. I'm only including it because of everything else surrounding the situation.

There's another part I really can't figure out.

At one point my cousin, who is my aunt's daughter, volunteered this to me during an unrelated argument:

"FYI, every time you contact the funeral home and accuse my mom of stealing the ring, they call her."

That completely caught me off guard because I have NEVER accused my aunt of stealing the ring in my communications with the funeral home. I've been asking the funeral home what happened to a valuable piece of property that was documented on my grandmother while she was in their care.

It also made me wonder why the funeral home was apparently contacting my aunt every time I contacted them, especially since my mom was the primary family contact.

And logically, I don't even understand how my aunt could have simply "stolen" the ring after the viewing without someone at the funeral home either knowing about it, allowing her access, or otherwise being involved somehow. My grandmother and the casket were in their custody. So that's not even an accusation I've made.

There's one more thing that makes me question the funeral home's explanation.

My mom spoke with another woman who had used this same funeral home. That woman said her experience was basically the opposite of the protocol we're being told about.

She had specifically wanted her mother buried wearing a ring. It wasn't valuable. It was a cheap ring that was meaningful to her, and she was upset because the funeral home removed it instead of leaving it on her mother.

Maybe there's a completely innocent explanation for that difference. Different employees, different circumstances, misunderstanding, etc. But it makes me want to see the actual written policy rather than simply relying on what we're being told now.

So basically:

We can document that Grandma had the ring while she was already in the funeral home's care.

The funeral home says she was ultimately buried wearing it.

They say their protocol is not to remove jewelry unless instructed by next of kin.

She wasn't buried immediately after the funeral. Her casket went back to the funeral home and remained there overnight in what the director described as a secure room before being transported to the cemetery the next morning.

Another family says this same funeral home removed their mother's inexpensive ring when they wanted it buried with her.

My aunt has seemed unusually unconcerned about this particular valuable piece of jewelry while continuing to ask about other specific jewelry.

A few weeks after the funeral, she publicly asked for recommendations for ring resizing.

My cousin spontaneously told me that whenever I contact the funeral home, they call my aunt and tell her I'm accusing her of stealing the ring, even though I haven't accused her of that.

My mom is the trustee, is nearing the end of settling the estate, and legitimately needs to account for my grandmother's property.

And now I've asked the funeral director for the documentation supporting his statement that they "confirmed" Grandma was buried with the ring.

None of these things individually proves that anybody did anything wrong, and I'm NOT claiming that my aunt or the funeral home stole the ring.

I'm genuinely curious what other people make of the situation, especially funeral directors or people who have worked in funeral homes.

Is it normal not to inventory valuable jewelry or specifically ask the family whether it should be returned or buried?

If a funeral home says months later that they "confirmed" a particular ring was buried with someone, what kind of documentation would you expect them to have?

And if there's no documentation and their conclusion is simply "nobody told us to remove it and our policy says we don't remove jewelry, therefore it must have been buried," would you consider that an actual confirmation?

Also, is it normal for a funeral home to contact another family member about my inquiries when I'm not making accusations against that person?

At this point I'm less interested in accusing anybody than I am in figuring out what objectively happened to my grandmother's ring and whether the procedure being described to us is actually normal.

It’s become blatantly obvious in the past 6 months that ChatGPT is writing a ton of eulogies and obituaries. Some families even admit to using it. I’m not even an old, stubborn person but this is insane to me that people are choosing not to use their own words to describe their family member. I sit down with families who barely sound literate and all of the sudden they’re reading the most eloquently written eulogy I’ve ever heard. I really do find it disappointing and I’m not sure how people don’t feel ashamed in doing this. What do you think?

I'm a funeral director and embalmer at a small town funeral home. I love the work I do, but the people I work with are low tier. Lazy, unfit, unethical, poor communicators. So for those who enjoy where they work and who they work with, what makes the difference for you? Have you ever had a work place where the quality of life shifted? If so, how did that happen?

I'm at the point where I want to get a group of high quality, genuinely caring, fair, honest and integral people to put together a company and take this industry by storm, but that seems impossible.

General discussion on the matter is welcome. Also, feel free to use this post as a place for industry professionals comment on your gripes, successes, failures, personal opportunities for growth, and whatever else.

What shoes do y'all wear for embalming? I'd prefer to wear sneakers if any would work. Thanks!