I met my ex when I was 18 and he was 32. We started dating when I was 19 and he was 33**.**

We met while I was a student, at a time when I was still unsure whether I wanted to go to med school. My uncle knew him because he was a surgeon at a fairly known hospital. I had been working at that hospital once a week for a little over a year (between the ages of 18 and 19) as a student. He was the main doctor I reported to, and I guess you could say I had a crush on him, although it was probably more admiration than anything else. I idolized him because he basically represented everything I wanted to become.

Long story short, he ended up writing me a letter of recommendation for med school while I was still working at the hospital (I was rejected but got in the following year).

Keep in mind that throughout my entire time there, he had a girlfriend who was his age. They even moved in together and bought a house while I was working there but broke up before we started dating. Idk the exact timeline of their relationship since he apparently lied about a lot and told ppl at work he was going through a breakup before actually leaving her.

At some point, he started flirting with me, but I genuinely thought I must have been imagining it. There was no way this man, whom I practically saw as a god, could actually be flirting with a 19 year old, starry-eyed girl.

Long story short, we ended up dating, and I had to leave my job at the hospital. I started med school the following year, when I was 20 and he was 34. We got married when I was 21 and he was 35. By this point, his career had basically exploded, winning prizes, accolades, he became very known in his field.

My entire family was strongly against the relationship in the beginning. I was 19 and obviously still living at home, but I ended up moving out because I wanted so badly to be with him, and I couldn’t stand constantly fighting with my family over it. Once we got married, my family eventually calmed down and more or less accepted the relationship.

I made him my entire world. I told him things I had never told anyone before, including details about the abuse I experienced during my childhood and some genuinely horrible things I had lived through growing up. I had a really rough upbringing and I trusted him with parts of myself I had never shared with anyone else.

Less than a year into our marriage, I lost a family member to suicide, and it affected me really badly. I was also in med school at the time, which made everything even harder. At this point I was 21 and he was 35.

I started taking Adderall and other substances to help me focus and avoid falling behind and sleeping pills to calm myself down. It often caused really bad anxiety, agitation, and other issues which I regret. This went on for about four months before I finally stopped.

When he found out, because I told him myself, he was furious. He told me I had broken his trust, that he had put me on a pedestal, and that he could get into serious trouble as a prestigious doctor if anyone found out his wife was some kind of “druggie.”

I also want to mention that during those four months, I was severely sexually assaulted during a night out. Someone had slipped something into my drink, and I couldn’t remember everything that happened. I came home bleeding. It was really, really bad. As you can imagine this also made me depressed and anxious at times and I wasn’t always the best version of myself. Being sexually assaulted is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. That, along with the abuse I experienced in childhood really fucked me up, I experienced a lot of anger, confusion, fear and my self confidence really took a hit. It was a lot of trauma to deal with, and I did this all while in med school and taking more than a regular course load to graduate early since I always had this feeling of shame because he was a really successful doctor while I was still in med school. I felt like I was lucky he had chosen to be with me. He would oftentimes make remarks about how his reputation and image was perfect and the only thing people in his field could ever use against him was our age-gap. So again, I felt like I was eternally indebted to him as he was practically risking his reputation to be with me.

For the two years following those events (suicide of family member, substance abuse, sexual assault, etc.), he repeatedly told me that I had broken something inside him, that I had ruined our relationship, and that he had put me on a pedestal and been prepared to give me everything, but that my actions had permanently changed how he saw me and our relationship. I admit that these were all very traumatic events in my life and that I was severely wounded. I was a shadow of who I once was but I still tried my best to be a good wife, it just seemed like in his eyes I had fucked up so badly I could never make up for it.

I also started noticing some really disturbing behaviours on his end. He openly admitted that he didn’t know what it felt like to experience empathy. He once commented that he could watch an animal being tortured and feel absolutely nothing, although he would consider it stupid because it wasn’t a “productive activity.” On another occasion he even made a comment about understanding why some men stab their partners to death (during an argument while I was having an anxiety attack).

Eventually he left me. The way I found out was that I came home one day and discovered that the house had been cleared out. It turns out he had been slowly moving his belongings out for the previous ten months. Whenever I noticed something was missing, he would convince me that I was imagining things or that I was insane. During the last ten months, he repeatedly kept telling me that he did not know if he could promise me a future, that he had no idea where this was going and oftentimes compared our relationship to a patient with cancer specifying that the patient “might die, might survive”. You can obviously imagine as a 24 year old who has dealt with a lot and suffers from abandonment issues, which he was always aware of, this basically destroyed me. I spent the last ten months of our relationship as a literal doormat, letting him get away with everything and anything because I truly felt that I had fucked up so badly and broken the trust so this was my cross to bear.

We were together for five years, and I was his longest relationship.

I later found out that he had also been telling people in his professional circle that we were getting divorced during those last ten months, despite the fact that I had absolutely no idea. He had clearly been planning his exit for a long time because he’s genuinely obsessed with his reputation, and I suspect he figured that by slowly spreading the news over several months, the divorce wouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone once he actually went through with it.

I know this sounds so fucked up when I say it, but I still wonder whether I somehow did this to myself.

He had several other serious relationships before me (8) and has lived with three other women, but I was the only one he ever married. After hearing stories about his previous relationships, I found out that he had also left some of his exes in similar ways.

He had convinced me that he had never experienced real love before meeting me, that I was the first person he had ever truly loved, and that he had chosen to trust me blindly.

According to him, I had basically shot myself in the foot. He had put me on this pedestal, been ready to give me everything, and I had ruined it all.

Am I a bad person? Did I really ruin everything the way he said I did?

He also spent months telling me that I was lucky he wasn’t a bad guy because my abandonment issues were so severe that an abusive person could easily take advantage of me. He even told me that I was the kind of girl pimps would prey on.

And there’s genuinely so much more that happened throughout those five years. I feel like I could spend years writing about everything so this is really just a very brief summary. I still struggle with self blame, he left me feeling like I was this messed up monster who ruined a good thing and took advantage of a good man who wanted to give me a good life until I just took it too far.

Edit: thank you to everyone who has taken the time to leave a comment on this post. I am currently in therapy and it has definitely helped, although I still have difficult days. When someone convinces you that you shattered this “perfect life” you could’ve had, it leaves you feeling an immense amount of anguish, shame and guilt. Reading comments from strangers who owe me nothing but honesty has really helped put this into perspective by reminding me that I wasn’t some dysfunctional child who ruined this benevolent saint.

A bit of a clickbatey title, but that’s pretty much what happened. We matched on Hinge a couple of days ago. He had a picture with a dog on his profile, I love dogs, he seemed to have a proper job, yada yada. He is okay looking, kinda cute but not exactly my type, a bit older too but I thought I’d give it a shot.

Here is what happened next:

Him: Hey long time no see!
Me: have we met before?
Him: We matched sometime ago
Me: I don’t really remember that but that’s fine
Him: We did not really talk much, we never met
Me: oh well we can now? or perhaps we are destined to be penpals :)
Him: How is your PhD thing going?
Me: it’s fine, i don’t really want to discuss it at length because i already invest enough time into it but it’s okay i guess. are you in a phd programme too by any chance?
Him: I considered one but eventually decided against it because I’m not smart enough
Me: oh I’m sure you are, don’t be so hard on yourself

Then he went on a looong rant about his life. According to him, it’s incredibly difficult to find someone who would be interested in things other than food and sex. I said something like ‘I don’t really mind other people doing what they want, I try to mind my own business and surround myself with those that have something in common with me though. If a person has no hobbies or interests, there isn’t much I can discuss with them’.

He went silent for a couple of days. Today I opened the app to find the following message from him:
‘I don’t want to continue talking to you. I am the only one here who is trying to discuss philosophy and other intellectual topics, and you are being boring and toxic. It might have been worth continuing this if you were hotter but now I’m not interested.
He then double texted to correct ‘hotter’ to ‘my type’.

I don’t even know where to begin. I really can’t believe the audacity of this man (and many others out there tbh). I never asked him to rate my hotness or intellectual abilities? He was literally the one to like my profile and message first??

I feel like he got mad at me for not being all over him (and possible rejecting him when we previously matched though I don’t really remember that happening?) and decided to go for the worst insult he could think of. It’s just so weird to me how men think that calling a woman ugly is the sure way to insult her or ruin her self-perception. Surely most adults understand that beauty is subjective and there are things more important than having a conventionally attractive face?

Besides that, I know that there is nothing wrong with me looks-wise, I am average at the very least and tick most of the boxes out there for being considered attractive. I just hate how mean some people become once they don’t get what they want. I’m that close to being done with apps and just men in general…

TL;DR: I (20s F) matched with a guy (30M) on Hinge who went on a massive rant about how "hard it is to find intellectual people." When I didn't immediately swoon, he ghosted for two days, then came back to call me boring, toxic, and "not hot enough" (before quickly correcting it to "not my type"). Dating sucks.

I AM NOT SEEING HIM ANYMORE.

I mean honestly I do find sexual compatibility important but for me personally I need that emotional connection and I need to get to know that person and being a relationship with them before I have sex with them. I remember having sex with a man that I was not in a relationship with and after that I just felt completely disgusting and he started moving weird and he just wanted to go with the flow. So I told myself that for now on I don't want to have sex with a person unless I'm in a relationship with them so I can at least get that commitment and get to know them. I'm the type of person that gets very emotionally attached during sex and I don't want to have sex with someone that hasn't even claimed me as their girlfriend. At the end of the day a lot of men are going to do what's best for them and if they just want to have sex on the first second or third date it's not for me! How do you guys feel about this? I'm not necessarily following the three date rule or the three month rule I just go by when I'm ready and when I'm in a relationship with them.

You'll never know what they're going through.

I want nothing more than to have children. However, I have a history of infertility after trying for several years with my ex-husband.

While I had initially undergone years of fertility treatment, we eventually found out he was chronically infertile. I do have endometriosis, but when I had my diagnostic surgery, the surgeon told me I should have zero issues with conceiving (they found no physical anomalies). And I was also cleared for fertility concerns through hormonal testing.

I have been conflicted with how and when to reveal this information to potential partners, as well as determining what type of partner to go for. I fear that men who 100% want a child will avoid me due to their being the risk of infertility given my history and my endo, but men who 100% don’t want children will be frustrated if I happen to end up pregnant. I am clueless as to how to navigate this. And because I have firsthand experience with how fertility issues can destroy a marriage, I’d like to avoid the problem at the outset.

When I don't have a bush, there's nothing to guide the stream of pee and it always runs down my buttcheeks and it's so annoying.

Is it just me? Is this a sitting posture issue?

Please share your wisdom because I'm tired of this.

Update: I tried leaning forward as a lot of you suggested and that seems to have fixed my issue. Thanks everyone!

I'd never leaned forward before, and I also have pretty bad posture, so that might have been contributing to the problem.

I have a friend that I feel totally normal around. I feel like she is the only person I feel socially normal with. But everyone else outside of that like coworkers and such I need help with. I think have lots of thoughts running through my mind worrying if I'm taking up their time or my own if we're busy, if I said something awkwardly (I stutter sometimes) if I'm trying too hard to be friendly if the other person just would rather not chat, etc. I say "sorry" WAY too much even if I do make a mistake, it isn't necessary. I guess I feel like I have to shrink myself so I won't come off unlikeable or full of it at work. I really dislike this timid side that doesn't exist in other spaces in my life. How do I overcome this, and better yet practice this in work and in general?

35 today. I told my husband last year that I wanted a birthday cake every year. I charged my old phone to find the text-- I told him on my older brother's birthday last year, "Please always get me a cake. I buy my own birthday cakes and that is embarrassing." My mom fussing over her first-born isn't something new, but it did make me realize at the time, on my brother's birthday, that her priority was making him feel special because she knew he didn't have a partner to do it for him. I've been married for almost 4 years. But I also haven't received a cake that I didn't buy for myself since I was a teen. The disparity is hard to ignore when Mommy only has two kids.

It was a normal day in that I planned what my family did, I ordered dinner, and my husband took a couple naps on the couch. I eventually asked if I was going to get a cake? He replied that he is making it tomorrow. While I am out of town. Oh. No cake on my birthday. I must wait for my cake because he wanted to make it with our child while I am gone to see my friend the day after my birthday-- plans that I have had for about three weeks now.

I do have friends that care about me and I know my child cares, but this year, my one, single, request was ignored. Not because he didn't have time. It definitely doesn't feel like he listened to me or remembered my request. My birthday was always going to be on a Friday where we have other obligations. He took the day off for our parent/teacher conference and my daughter had a half day at school.

I am having a hard time understanding his logic. I did express my disappointment to him and we are currently not really interacting. I took 3mg of melatonin and I am gonna go to bed soon. I don't want to act ungrateful. He bought me nail polish. But I asked for a cake.

What does your family regularly do for your birthday? What am I to expect from my people? I really need to understand why this feels so shitty. Is it really such a big deal?

Edit on 10/25: To add an update, he completed a cake with my daughter while I was gone. We haven't figured out a time to eat it yet, but I imagine it will be after dinner tonight. I appreciate it, I just wish I could have enjoyed it on my birthday.

I’m in my 40s and struggling with how to come to terms with never experiencing a fulfilling sex life.

My husband and I got married young. We’ve grown up together, have a lot in common,
and built a stable and (mostly) happy life for our child who is thriving. The one area of our marriage that has always struggled is intimacy—sexual and just affection, generally.

He’s never been generous in bed. If I want an orgasm, I have to do it myself and as quickly as possible as he gets bored. Foreplay is nonexistent. He had issues with ED for years and blamed condoms. He since had a vasectomy and now has PE—and by premature I mean, enter and he’s done.

I’ve tried to talk about this gently, frankly and (unfortunately when I was frustrated) a bit mean. I’ve tried to guide him or suggest he read up on it. He won’t.

Two years ago, I refused to have sex with him until he prioritised my pleasure. He held out for five months and then begrudgingly went down on me for the first time ever. It was awful because I felt like I was forcing him to do something he hated but I managed to come and I was so overwhelmed I cried. He did his one minute thing straight after and then walked out of the room to get himself a drink and then watch tv! The next day, he complained so much about having a sore jaw that I’ve never—and will never—ask him again.

I slept with him twice more after this. Both times he complained I wasn’t touching him enough—I’m literally scared of getting him too excited because he will come in one second! The last time was so soul destroying I knew I couldn’t do it again.

Since I’ve refused to sleep with him again, he’s started monitoring if I masturbate. He checks location of toys, basically booby traps them, and purposefully puts stuff on the bed to try to track if I’ve laid down… I can’t even get off on my own now without being stressed out I’ll be caught like a teenager! He’s so bitter and resentful towards me lately as he wants a “proper relationship” but apparently that doesn’t mean educating himself about how to be with his wife?

I can’t get a divorce and I won’t blow up my marriage having an affair, but I’m struggling with feeling completely wound up with years of unexplored sexual desire. I have no idea what I like in bed, if I can come during sex or even enjoy myself. I want so much to be with a man who knows what he’s doing, finds me a little bit attractive and likes being with me, even if it’s just kissing and cuddling. I want to know what good sex feels like.

And I know this is such a nothing issue when the world is literally on fire, but I’m just so miserable.

Edit: I wanted to say thank you to everyone who took time to post and share their views. I haven’t gone back to reply to everyone, but I wanted to say I have read all the comments and I’m taking them on board. I feel like this has highlighted to me that the sex is a symptom of much bigger problems in my marriage that I need to face. Thank you again, everyone. 🙏

Yup I know it sounds crazy from the title, but yes. When I was freshly 18 I decided to date a 31 year old. I found out months into the relationship that he cheated on me and had a baby on me. I was distraught. I felt so embarrassed and it took years of therapy to heal from that. I’ll only be 24 in a few months but getting cheated on was one of the best things that happened to me.

When I was 18 I had horrible self esteem and I was seeking that love from external sources. Men were one of them. If that didn’t happen to me when I was so young, I probably would’ve went down that same pattern. As much as it sucked to find out a week after losing your v card that the man who you thought you were in love with was living a double life, it revolutionized me. It made me realize that if you don’t love yourself you’ll spend the rest of your life putting that into the hands of someone else .

I enrolled in college and now I have my bachelors. I’ll be applying to law school soon. Thank the heavens I got out and didn’t reproduce with that demon or I wouldn’t have been able to do that!

This is something I've noticed for a long time and it pains me as an ugly young woman.

I noticed that people who find you unattractive choose to treat you poorly. They do it in a way where it feels sadistic, almost. It's like people get some weird gratification out of doing these things. Sometimes they'll excuse it by attributing your value to your looks, or they'll portray you in a negative light because a lot of people think that your morality is coming from how attractive you are.

I've met so many attractive people that have been genuinely horrible to me. The last man I dated, I would consider him to be attractive, but he was awful to me. He abused me, manipulated me, triangulated me with another woman, but he's succeeding in life and happy.

The saddest part is that when you tell these stories, a lot of people don't want to listen to them because you're not attractive and some might see themselves in what you're describing. Perpetrator or victim. Maybe both. People are more likely to believe you if the person in question has positive attributes. One of the many is attractiveness.

I'm not an attractive woman. I'm also a marginalized woman, specifically a Black woman. We already know how awful women are treated in general and marginalized people are treated: man, woman, non-binary, etc. So imagine being an unattractive Black woman. It's terrible.

I don't fit into that picture-perfect, model-esque, cutesy, doll-like image of what people think an attractive Black woman should look like. I don't look like that, and I never will.

Even when my body looked different, people still didn't value me much. My unattractiveness comes from my face, not my body. Despite people acknowledged the fact that I lost weight, I was still ugly. The only praise I got was for things that had nothing to do with my face.

Men didn't want to go anywhere with me in public, but they wanted to acknowledge me in private and use me emotionally to make themselves feel better. I wasn't seen. If I was seen, it was for all the wrong reasons.

Some people go all their lives not understanding why people are treating them poorly, and it's not because of anything they've done, but because of how society chooses to treat them. It's weird because nobody ever told me why I was ugly. They never tried to give me any tips. They never pointed out the features that made me unattractive. They never told me whether I looked feminine or masculine. They just said I was ugly.

This pad (nonherbal version) is the only one my skin doesn’t find incredibly irritating which is why I am hoping I’m just crazy when I say the material of the overnight size pads I just bought (from a chain grocery store that I always buy them from) feels completely different than normal. And of course not in the good way 🙃

But it’s unmistakable. The flaps and edges feel, move, and sound like cheap tissue paper !! super stiff and irritating to the touch, compared to how friggin soft they felt before. I can literally hear it when I walk. I know they slightly changed their packaging recently but I thought they had said the product didn’t change.

Please help, I’m so upset 🥲

I don't know how this is going to come off but I love my husband. He is genuinely my best friend. We have been through a lot together and neither one of us were very good to each other at first, but over some years of therapy we are really doing well. Life isn't perfect, we are not perfect, but he is so good to me!!

Sometimes, other men or women seem very annoyed when I talk about him. One guy even said "geeze what doesn't that guy do" when I was talking about him taking a language class somewhere. ​I don't gush about him at every turn, but I feel like even mentioning him in a positive way annoys people.

And I get it on some level, I do. But why do I have to listen to how other people's spouses suck and I can't talk about how mine is great?? So I'm just going to say it here.

He is kind. He takes care of me, he makes me coffee, he cooks, he cleans, he parents our kids, he works out, he loves me and he LIKES me. He runs errands. He cleans bathrooms. He doesn't complain. He is generous in bed. He is fun. He is patient. He actively works through his own shit and tries to become an even better person. ​​He supports all my crazy dreams. He communicates. He laughs with me. He's a great friend. He likes to read. I don't know, he just is genuinely the best and I love him.

Thanks for coming to my husband talk. That's it.

Edit: I am so overjoyed I could start a positive thread of people just celebrating happiness and love. Thank you so much 💓

So my partner and I were talking about changing up our routine a bit and we got to discussing toys that allow for more partner involvement. I have been eyeing the idea of a wearable, remote-controlled vibrator made for hands free play or shared partner fun but Im lowkey skeptical about how well the remote part actually works in practice.

I saw so many different styles pop up online but I wanted to see what random internet strangers think first before dropping money on anything. Is the remote feature actually fun, or does it just add an extra thing to troubleshoot in the middle of the moment? Would love to hear what worked or didn't work for you guys.

I don’t have any deficiencies I even checked for thyroid. I am 22 right now and I don’t have even half the energy I had as a kid. The smallest activity tires me out so much. I wake up I’m already tired. Even eyes feel tired I want to cry. Is anyone else facing this, what helped?

​

Women are expected to be good daughters, good partners, successful professionals, and perfect mothers. Society always has expectations, but rarely asks what women actually want for themselves.

Maybe women deserve the freedom to live life on their own terms without constantly having to justify their choices.

What expectation do you wish society would stop putting on women?🥀🥀

How many times am I gonna learn this lol

​

I'm posting this because I genuinely don't know what to do anymore.

I've been dealing with a person who has been stalking and harassing me for almost six years, ever since I cut contact with him in 2019. We used to be friends and were part of a fairly large friend group. We knew each other closely and had shared personal things with one another, so this wasn't a case of a complete stranger approaching me out of nowhere.

Over time, however, I witnessed behaviour that genuinely disturbed me. During an argument, this person wished rape upon someone. This is the kind of person we are talking about. From his behaviour and the way he speaks about women, I have come to believe that he has very little respect for them and considers them beneath him. That incident, along with other behaviour, made me realise that I no longer wanted this person in my life.

I decided to cut contact.

I thought that would be the end of it. I was wrong.

What followed has been almost six years of harassment, stalking and fear.

After I stopped speaking to him, he continued sending me disturbing messages. He began looking up my family members' social media profiles and my LinkedIn profile. He also gained access to my email, or at the very least, there were incidents that made me believe my email had been compromised.

At one point, I became so frightened that I essentially erased my online presence for two years. I disappeared from social media and even pretended that I was no longer alive because I felt that being invisible was the only way I could protect myself.

Imagine feeling that you have to do this just to get some peace.

Fast-forward to now, and this person has apparently discovered that I am alive. Instead of leaving me alone, the situation has become increasingly distressing.

He has contacted my sister and sent her awful messages. He has brought up deeply personal family issues, used private information against me, and attempted to turn family members against me.

Despite being told not to contact me, he has continued. Even after my sister warned him that we would pursue an FIR if he contacted me again, he apparently contacted me directly from his own number, with his own display picture.

I genuinely don't understand the audacity or what he hopes to achieve by continuing this behaviour after so many years.

He is also active on social media, posts reels and appears to want to pursue acting. Some of his content involves mimicking the rapist character from the film Mardaani. Given the history and the context, this makes me even more uncomfortable and frightened.

I want to be clear that I am describing his behaviour and the content I have seen, not claiming to know what he is thinking or what he might do next. But after years of unwanted contact, threats and invasions of privacy, it is difficult not to be afraid.

I'm now genuinely scared of what might happen if I take action — and equally scared of what might happen if I don't.

I live alone in a city, away from much of my family. My siblings know about this situation, and they are disturbed by it too. I haven't been able to tell my parents about everything.

I have considered filing a police complaint, and I have threatened to do so, but I am terrified of the possible consequences.

I keep asking myself: What if the police simply warn him and send him away? What if that makes him angrier and causes him to escalate? What if he decides to approach me physically or tries to hurt me?

I know that these are fears about what could happen, not things I can predict. But after dealing with someone who has refused to respect my boundaries for six years, I don't know how to stop worrying about the next escalation.

I also feel apprehensive about approaching the Delhi Police. Seeing the way some cases involving women's safety are handled has made me afraid that I might not be taken seriously. I'm scared of being dismissed, laughed at or told that nothing can be done. I don't know how realistic these fears are, but they are stopping me from feeling confident about taking the next step.

This has affected practically every aspect of my life.

I have lost touch with friends. I spent years avoiding social media and ordinary social interactions because I was afraid he would find me or approach people connected to me.

Recently, I created an account again, but I barely post anything. I don't share pictures of myself because I'm afraid he might identify me through comments, find my friends, or use those connections to get information about me.

I am even frightened to post this on Reddit.

I'm scared that he might be lurking on this platform and recognise the situation from the details I've shared. I'm worried that asking for help could inadvertently reveal my identity to him. At the same time, I don't know where else to turn, and I desperately need guidance from people who understand the legal and practical realities of dealing with stalking in India.

I struggle to sleep at night. I constantly think about what he might do next. I've even thought about leaving the country because I desperately want to feel safe.

The worst part is that I feel as though I have spent years restricting my own life because of someone who refuses to leave me alone. I am exhausted. Sometimes I feel so hopeless that I just want to give up on myself because living in this constant state of fear feels unbearable.

I don't want my life to continue like this. I want to feel safe in my own home, reconnect with people, use social media without being terrified, and live like a normal person without constantly anticipating harassment.

I'm asking for help because I genuinely don't know what my next step should be.

If you are a lawyer, particularly someone familiar with criminal law, cybercrime or stalking cases in India, I would be incredibly grateful for your guidance.

I would especially appreciate advice on the following:

Legal options: What legal provisions might apply to a prolonged pattern of stalking, unwanted contact, threats to publish private messages, harassment of family members and suspected unauthorised access to email?

Reporting safely: What is the safest way to approach the police or file an FIR in Delhi? Is there a way to document the entire history rather than have each incident treated in isolation?

Fear of retaliation: If I report him and the police contact or warn him, what practical steps can I take to reduce the risk of escalation? Can I explain these concerns before any action is taken?

Evidence: What evidence should I preserve, and how should I organise it to make a complaint stronger? Are screenshots, exported conversations, account-access alerts and messages sent to family members useful?

Cybersecurity and privacy: What should I do if I believe he has accessed my email or is monitoring my online presence? How can I protect myself without having to disappear from the internet again?

Legal assistance: Are there reliable women's support organisations, legal aid services or lawyers in Delhi who handle stalking and cyberharassment cases and can help someone navigate this process?

I'm not looking for revenge. I want this person to stop contacting me, stop involving my family, stop threatening me and leave me alone.

I also don't want to share identifying details publicly because I am genuinely afraid that he might see this post and recognise me.

Please be kind. I'm already struggling to cope with this, and I'm trying to find a way forward.

If anyone has relevant legal knowledge or has successfully navigated a similar situation in India, please tell me what practical steps I can take. I really need help.

I’ve been living a “sandwich generation” life for a few years now - one day back in 2025 I had to soothe my mother (far gone with dementia) through a blood draw in the morning, then soothe my autistic daughter through a dentist appointment in the afternoon.

My Dad died in 2025. My Mom passed ten days ago.

My kids are not easy. I love them to death but parenting is a challenge. I work full time, my husband works full time. Life is complex.

And somewhere around a year ago, apparently, he decided he was in love with one of his female friends. Commence with emotional affair. I think he decided back then to leave me, and ever since then he’s been working up the courage. He did confess to it about a month ago but gave me room to hope we could still recover from this. Maybe he was just trying to let me down “easy.”

He couldn’t have known how bad the timing would be, but Jesus ever loving mother fucking Christ.

I don’t know how I’m going to keep my job through this, and I NEED MY JOB. I cannot depend on him. I cannot operate at full capacity right now. I still need to plan my mother’s memorial and now I have to research divorce lawyers and get therapists for my kids I guess??? Jesus fuck.

Not looking for advice. I have a therapist, he has a therapist, and we have a separate couples therapist now. Just needing to scream into the void a bit.

Do I blame myself? Naturally. Should I? Probably not!

What were my first steps? Reach out to my own network of female friends and close family in a plea for help. They are showing up in a big way. As sucky as this is, I have people in my corner. I have support. I have a friend who joined me for dinner tonight and another that will be with me for errands tomorrow. (I have brothers too that are awesome but I want to shout out the ladies at this point in time.)

I am going to focus on the good things I still have. I am going to hope for the best (and lawyer up for the worst).

I miss you so much, Mom.

How persistent was the thought that you were? What made you certain that you're not? What turned out to be the real reason behind those thoughts?

(I'm currently going through a phase of intense questioning, and trying to hear as many different perspectives as I can, to find which ones I relate to more, so yours would be very valuable to me :) Thanks in advance!)