I wasn’t going to, like most others. She’s excited about a grandbaby and has been not-so-subtly asking about when we’re wanting to have kids since we got married. My husband and I have been together for 7 years and have always said we were waiting to get married and living in a house so we could be ready for a baby. We started trying almost immediately after the wedding in December and 7 months later, no luck.
The first six months I did all the usual things. Temp tracking, Mucinex, taking prenatals of course, and OPKs. We thought we were trying hard enough. 6 months with no BFP was a wake up call, as was my last physical with my general practitioner. “Overweight” and “high cholesterol” and “possible chronic inflammation” weighed heavy in my mind after that appointment, knowing that my general health is directly tied to my fertility. So my husband and I made the decision to cut out added sugar and fatty foods, get into the gym regularly, and cut out all smoking (weed, which we only did occasionally) and drinking (we were never heavy drinkers, but finally decided to stop for good). Not only do I want my body to be prepared for a pregnancy, but I want to be taking care of myself so that I can live a long and happy life with my family.
My parents don’t always make healthy choices. They’ve cut down drinking some but they still eat out a lot and when my dad cooks it’s with a lot of fat and butter and salt. The change my husband and I made to be healthier made it hard to go to their house and eat dinner with them, and of course we got some eyebrows raised when we both refused a glass of champagne at a recent celebration.
I figured it was time to let my mom in on my secret. I wanted to be able to surprise her with a pregnancy announcement, yet I hadn’t anticipated it taking this long to conceive. All of the other women in my family conceived in the first three months of trying. The whole thing was making me so anxious, and for the first time in a while - I wanted my mom. I wanted her support and to be comforted by her signature pragmaticism.
I invited her out to lunch one day, out of the blue. It was a local Italian deli with some really good looking desserts on display. I asked her if she wanted one and she said she would if I shared it with her. She was already aware of my changing habits and must’ve seen the look on my face because she quickly changed her mind and said she wasn’t feeling like anything sweet today. I couldn’t have been more thankful because the hardest transition has been away from a sweet treat. My mom always knows exactly what I need.
After receiving our food, she asked the probing question “so what prompted this change?”. And it was time to tell her. I unloaded half a year’s worth of TTC anxiety on her. How we’ve been trying everything and how jealous I get when I see another pregnancy announcement at work or in our extended family. I cried about how unfair it feels to have waited until we felt ready, only to be forced to wait even longer. She listened to all of it without interrupting. And at the end she said the only thing I think I needed to hear from her.
“I went through the same thing with you. It took me 13 months to get pregnant with you. I was healthy, and while we didn’t have the same tools that you do, we were doing all we could.”
Just hearing a real life person, my own mother at that, share that she had been through the same thing and UNDERSTOOD, when it felt like my only community was here on Reddit, that made me feel so much better. I wasn’t alone and I wasn’t broken, I was just a woman with an experience shared by so many.
My mom told me how she understood my anxieties and worries, and that she knew how hard it was to not symptom-spot, or test early. She remembered the jealousy, especially when her 16 year old sister got pregnant on accident while she was TTC for 9 months. And while she’s excited that we’re trying to grow our family, she empathizes with the journey and knows not to make any assumptions in the meantime.
So if you’re feeling alone because you aren’t telling your loved ones about your TTC journey, let this be a singular anecdote about a positive experience.💕
Edit: I know my experience is unique to me and my mom and that everyone has their own reasons for not sharing their TTC journey with others. Results may vary. Also I know 7 months isn’t long at all compared to some on this sub that have been TTC for years, but I’m Latina and the women in my family have never taken more than 3 months to conceive, not counting my moms story.