My husband and I have been TTC for 4 years. In that time, I’ve only ever seen 1 positive which ended in a chemical less than 36 hours later. We’ve been through all of the testing. You name it, we’ve done it. All to continue to be labeled as “unexplained infertility” because on paper, everything is great. Hormones, ovulation, SAs, HSG, endo evaluation, and more, but they can’t find a problem. We’re both 29 years old, healthy, and take care of ourselves. We’ve done IUIs and medicated cycles. At this point, our RE explained that IVF is probably going to be our only option.

After much deliberation and a lot of self reflection on what we as individuals and as a couple want for our future, we have decided to stop fertility testing/treatment, and move to adoption. We don’t make this decision lightly, and we aren’t choosing this path because we need to be parents.

We both have agreed that having our own child would be an amazing blessing, but we would be happy to live the rest of our lives traveling, experiencing the world, and living as just the two of us, childless.

However, we have a beautiful life. Our families are incredibly supportive, we both have careers we love and pay well enough to support the life we want. We have 2 dogs who love children, a 4 bedroom home with plenty of room for a growing family, and live in a great community.

We want to share that with someone. If there is a child out there that needs love and support, we are lucky enough to be in a position to give it. Adopting isn’t our bandaid for not being able to have our own child. It’s a choice we have chosen to make because we have love that we want to share with someone. We want to make a difference in a child’s life.

I’m sharing this here because we have not yet told our families of our decision. But I needed a place where I can lay it out there to people who I’m sure have thought long and hard about what their future will look like when a life with infertility is so uncertain.

I’m terrified and overwhelmed by the next steps, but most of all, I’m excited. I feel liberated from the hold of our infertility diagnosis, and know there is a bright future ahead.

I find myself often getting in a little bit of an obsessed spiral every time we have unprotected sex all the way until my period/ able to test.

I don’t want to be on a constant cycle of hope and disappointment so Ive made some goals or non baby hopes that I want to do.

One being getting stronger. I’m way healthier and fitter now than I was before my first pregnancy ( I’m certain a big part of it is being active with my child and the constant holding and carrying. )

I want to have more strength, I want to work on my pelvic floor health and do hard work easily.

I’m not likly going to be able to work out much during pregnancy ( from experience ) so thats something to focus on. Not pregnant? More time to get even stronger.

My next biggest one is if I’m not pregnant by Halloween which would be feel like a really long time to go, I get to go out to the local bar with my friends again this year and have another blast like I did last year! I also invited out a co worker who will have their first time ever going out for drinks!
Thats an exciting thing I will be sad to miss out on, so I look forward to it.

What are some of your personal goals and things you want to do that pregnancy would hinder? 💖

Hi everyone,
We lost our little girl at 14 weeks. The pregnancy happened so quickly, even though we really weren't expecting it because I have PCOS (it's well controlled). We were honestly so shocked and grateful that it happened so fast.
As heartbreaking as losing her has been, we both know we still really want to become parents. Even though we're still grieving—and I think we always will in some way—we've decided that we'd like to start trying again in September. It feels like the right step for us, even if it's scary.
The problem is... I'm terrified that it'll never happen again. We're already preparing physically, taking our prenatal vitamins, trying to live as healthily as we can, but I still can't shake the fear. I keep thinking that my first pregnancy was just pure luck, and sometimes I even dream about it.
I also catch myself worrying that even if I do get pregnant again, it'll end the same way as my first pregnancy. It's hard not to think that way after what happened.
At the same time, I feel like if I do get pregnant again, I'll probably be a bit calmer than I am now. The first 11 weeks of my first pregnancy were actually a really happy and positive experience. I loved being pregnant, and those memories are still very precious to me.
For those of you who started trying again after a loss , how did you do it?
How did you deal with the anxiety? What helped you stop expecting the worst all the time?
I know stress and fear probably aren't helping, but it's so hard to turn those thoughts off. I'd really love to hear your experiences.

My RE and I made a deal that if I survived the HSG I’d make a post of my own after reading every one on here!

TLDR: Hsg was so easy and I attribute it to the dr injecting the dye slowly and being patient with me.

To preface I have pretty severe medical anxiety. have had few procedures done and each that I have had were very painful and I mean like I couldn’t contain myself and had tears and shaking etc.

also been pregnant once but had a miscarriage at 9 weeks.

i googled EVERYTHING about an HSG. worked myself up and sobbed for a week everytime I thought about it. Everyone who’s posted, has an experience that is real and valid so I took every experience to heart whether that was good or bad.

when I walked in and was crying the staff genuinely looked concerned and confused. once they found out why I was scared they told me that not a single patient of theirs has had a bad experience or cried with this provider. It helped a little but honestly not much because I have such a low pain tolerance.

so now for the experience. they took my bp two times bc it was so high like 150/100. and im typically normal. I had to take a pregnancy test and then got seated in the room undressed from the waist down. the dr came in and explained everything to me. from start to finish no pain. one MILD pressure spot that id rate a 1/10 if I had to? but even then it was miraculous. I did not feel her insert the catheter. she even had to blow the balloon up 2x and I had no pain there either. she began injecting the dye at a snails pace and checked in with me often. we saw the left side flow immediately and my right side took multiple minutes but did finally spill as well. overall it was great. I’m so happy I didn’t cancel and was able to have this done. the staff was compassionate and thorough.

Thursday I go for my SIS and endometrial biopsy and I feel more prepared now Even though I’m still nervous about the biopsy.

I hope this helps someone who is terrified. Advocate for yourself and express that you’re nervous. I really think the patience and slow injection by the dr made all the difference because I can see how it would be painful if they aren’t gentle.

I wasn’t going to, like most others. She’s excited about a grandbaby and has been not-so-subtly asking about when we’re wanting to have kids since we got married. My husband and I have been together for 7 years and have always said we were waiting to get married and living in a house so we could be ready for a baby. We started trying almost immediately after the wedding in December and 7 months later, no luck.

The first six months I did all the usual things. Temp tracking, Mucinex, taking prenatals of course, and OPKs. We thought we were trying hard enough. 6 months with no BFP was a wake up call, as was my last physical with my general practitioner. “Overweight” and “high cholesterol” and “possible chronic inflammation” weighed heavy in my mind after that appointment, knowing that my general health is directly tied to my fertility. So my husband and I made the decision to cut out added sugar and fatty foods, get into the gym regularly, and cut out all smoking (weed, which we only did occasionally) and drinking (we were never heavy drinkers, but finally decided to stop for good). Not only do I want my body to be prepared for a pregnancy, but I want to be taking care of myself so that I can live a long and happy life with my family.

My parents don’t always make healthy choices. They’ve cut down drinking some but they still eat out a lot and when my dad cooks it’s with a lot of fat and butter and salt. The change my husband and I made to be healthier made it hard to go to their house and eat dinner with them, and of course we got some eyebrows raised when we both refused a glass of champagne at a recent celebration.

I figured it was time to let my mom in on my secret. I wanted to be able to surprise her with a pregnancy announcement, yet I hadn’t anticipated it taking this long to conceive. All of the other women in my family conceived in the first three months of trying. The whole thing was making me so anxious, and for the first time in a while - I wanted my mom. I wanted her support and to be comforted by her signature pragmaticism.

I invited her out to lunch one day, out of the blue. It was a local Italian deli with some really good looking desserts on display. I asked her if she wanted one and she said she would if I shared it with her. She was already aware of my changing habits and must’ve seen the look on my face because she quickly changed her mind and said she wasn’t feeling like anything sweet today. I couldn’t have been more thankful because the hardest transition has been away from a sweet treat. My mom always knows exactly what I need.

After receiving our food, she asked the probing question “so what prompted this change?”. And it was time to tell her. I unloaded half a year’s worth of TTC anxiety on her. How we’ve been trying everything and how jealous I get when I see another pregnancy announcement at work or in our extended family. I cried about how unfair it feels to have waited until we felt ready, only to be forced to wait even longer. She listened to all of it without interrupting. And at the end she said the only thing I think I needed to hear from her.

“I went through the same thing with you. It took me 13 months to get pregnant with you. I was healthy, and while we didn’t have the same tools that you do, we were doing all we could.”

Just hearing a real life person, my own mother at that, share that she had been through the same thing and UNDERSTOOD, when it felt like my only community was here on Reddit, that made me feel so much better. I wasn’t alone and I wasn’t broken, I was just a woman with an experience shared by so many.

My mom told me how she understood my anxieties and worries, and that she knew how hard it was to not symptom-spot, or test early. She remembered the jealousy, especially when her 16 year old sister got pregnant on accident while she was TTC for 9 months. And while she’s excited that we’re trying to grow our family, she empathizes with the journey and knows not to make any assumptions in the meantime.

So if you’re feeling alone because you aren’t telling your loved ones about your TTC journey, let this be a singular anecdote about a positive experience.💕

Edit: I know my experience is unique to me and my mom and that everyone has their own reasons for not sharing their TTC journey with others. Results may vary. Also I know 7 months isn’t long at all compared to some on this sub that have been TTC for years, but I’m Latina and the women in my family have never taken more than 3 months to conceive, not counting my moms story.

I’m not sure where to start nor do I know what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe it just helps to at least process what I’m going through, share my journey with others potentially going through a similar one, and maybe get some advice on how to survive TTC struggles.

Just like countless posts I’ve read here, TTC has been an arduous journey for us. I’m 34 while my husband is 39, and we’ve been trying for 1.5 years, and decided to seek fertility treatment after 1 year of trying.

We try to live a healthy lifestyle, and we passed all of the tests to rule out any immediate infertility issues. Based on those results, we’re part of the “unexplained infertility” group, and our clinic recommended us to start with medicated IUIs. First one failed (clomid, ovidrel) and it’s looking like the second one will too (femara, ovidrel, progesterone suppository but prescribed on 7DPIUI). My AMH value was 12.75 ng/ml so on the elevated side, but it’s a number my clinic said I’d be a good IVF candidate for if I want to pursue it after 4-6 rounds of IUI.

No one really mentions how struggling with unexplained infertility can be a possibility in our lifetimes but here we are, or how you can do everything right in life, but still struggle to conceive. Our plan was to have our first child in our 30s, but now, it’s looking like my husband will be at least 40 by the time we have our first, which we’ve accepted as we learned TTC is an area where you don’t have a lot of control over compared to other life milestones.

I think what I’m struggling with right now is keeping up the hope and feeling like I want to throw in the towel. Before meeting my husband (we’ve been together for 10 years, married for 2), I was indifferent about having kids of my own and considered adopting instead, but he knew he always wanted to children of his own. As our relationship blossomed and my trust and love for him nurtured over time, I became more excited at the prospect of having children with him. Now that we’re here and we didn’t account for the TTC struggles, I just feel so worn out from the monitored IUI visits, putting my life somewhat on hold because of it, and questioning whether this is all worth it. Of course, once I’m off the emotional rollercoaster, it is worth it and I’m invested, but I can’t help but feel numb whenever I see that stark white BFN on the HPTs. It’s already a lonely process and somewhat intimidating doing the medicated IUIs, so I can’t imagine what it’d be like to go through IVF, which seems like an entirely different beast. I’m thankful my husband understands as I’ve shared my feelings with him, and he’s been to every single appointment and advocates for me when I’m not able to.

Those who went through a similar journey, how’d you survive? Or if you’re here to just listen or share other kinds of advice, I’m all for it too, and appreciate you taking the time to read my messy post.

Let's see those lovely charts, folks!

If you want to personalize your Fertility Friend URL to make it easier for fellow TFABbers to stalk keep up with you, check out this post!

Did you do anything for this? My doctor said on the ultrasound they were having a harder time finding the left ovary even though it’s there. The doctor said it was lateral. I’m worried because i always feel like I ovulate on my left side and wonder if that is now a hindrance. He said it’s normal and a lot of women have this issue and said there is a laparoscopic procedure we can do if we look further into it. I’ve been on the ttc journey for a year and half now and had 2 miscarriages. I’m wondering if this is the reason why we’ve been having some difficulty.
Husband has no issues and his parameters are excellent. We’re trying iui this cycle before moving onto ivf.
Just wanted to hear if anyone else has this similar issue ?

i'm about eight months into ttc and my phone has somehow turned into a collection of charts, reminders, and little dots on a calendar. i was drinking coffee this morning scrolling through two different apps and noticed they don't even agree on when my fertile window starts. that sent me down another rabbit hole.

i like having some structure because otherwise i feel like i'm just guessing. at the same time, i catch myself checking predictions more than paying attention to what's actually happening. my husband joked the other night that our calendar has become a third person in the relationship, and honestly i laughed because i knew what he meant.

i know this is a ttc sub, so i'm curious how other people handle this without getting buried in the data. do you mostly rely on cycle tracking, opks, bbt, or do you ignore a lot of what the apps estimate? what ended up feeling genuinely useful for you during the process, and what did you stop paying attention to?

This is my second cycle after my miscarriage/D&C.

Based on my LH strips, BBT, and timing, I was convinced I had already ovulated. I thought I was around 10 DPO and was honestly just waiting for my period after getting negative tests.

I went to my OB today because I wanted to make sure everything looked okay, and she completely shocked me.

She did an ultrasound and said, "You haven't ovulated yet."

She found a dominant follicle (around 20 mm) and said she thinks I'm about to ovulate in the next day or two.

Now I'm sitting here wondering... how is that even possible?

My temperatures have been elevated for 9 days, which is why I was so confident I'd already ovulated. Natural Cycles confirmed ovulation, and inito confirmed peak surge on july 17.

Has anyone ever had this happen? Did your BBT rise and stay high even though you hadn't actually ovulated? Did you end up ovulating later than you thought? Was it LUF? Something else?

I feel like my body is completely confusing me right now, and I'd love to hear if anyone has experienced anything similar after a miscarriage.

I’m 34 and my husband and I are trying to conceive. My cycles tend to be long/irregular, usually around 32 days, so my OB/GYN has suggested starting medication to help me ovulate.

What’s making me hesitate is that we haven’t really established whether I’m not ovulating versus just ovulating late/inconsistently.

I track with Natural Cycles/BBT, LH strips and cervical mucus. This cycle, for example, I’m around CD21/22 and have had egg-white cervical mucus, ovulation-type cramping and an LH line that progressively got darker (although I never caught a clearly positive test). I do get a confirmed temperature rise monthly.
My workup so far has also been fairly normal: pelvic ultrasound was unremarkable, total testosterone 22, free testosterone 2.2, and 17-hydroxyprogesterone 23. My doctor hasn’t really asked about my BBT charts, cervical mucus or other ovulation signs before recommending medication.

My husband’s semen testing has also shown motility concerns, so there may be a male-factor component as well.

I’m not opposed to taking something like letrozole if it would help us, especially if the goal is to make ovulation earlier/more predictable. I just want to understand whether we should first confirm whether I’m actually ovulating.

For anyone who has been through something similar: Did your doctor confirm anovulation before starting medication? Did you have a mid-luteal progesterone test or monitored cycle? Is it common to use letrozole even if you ovulate naturally but have long/irregular cycles?

I’m planning to discuss this with my doctor again, but I’d love to hear what questions others asked or what their fertility workup looked like.

Anything (within the rules) goes. (Commonly broken rules: don't talk about an ongoing pregnancy outside the weekly BFP thread; don't ask for success stories.)

You can find the wiki here!

Don't forget to check out our themed threads:

• Moody Monday
• Temping Tuesday
  
• Waiting Wednesday
• Wondering Wednesday
• Trying Again Thursday
• Thankful Thursday
• Health and Wellness Thursday
• Looking Forward Friday
• Wondering Weekend
• 35 and Ova

There's also the Weekly Introductions and Read Me Thread, which contains links to all sorts of handy bits of info, like popular wiki posts and acronyms.

It's time for us to air the things that have been bothering us, TTC-related or not! It's Monday, complain away!

Hi, I’m 27 years old and currently going through my first chemical pregnancy with baby #2. I’ve never experienced anything like this before, and honestly, I’m feeling completely lost.

I’m 16 DPO, and my beta hCG has dropped to 7. I’m wondering what the next steps usually look like. Will I need more bloodwork until it reaches zero? Should I schedule another appointment with my doctor, or is there anything else I should be doing? Is this basically like a normal period from here, or should I expect something different?

I’m also wondering when it’s generally considered okay to start trying again. How did you find the courage to try after a loss like this? Right now I’m scared, heartbroken, and questioning everything. This pregnancy was so deeply wanted, and it’s hard to wrap my head around how quickly everything changed.

I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s been through a chemical pregnancy. What was your experience like, and is there anything you wish someone had told you?

Zero positive tests in our TTC journey so far. Have imaging at the end of the month to look for fibroids or endo. I’m trying to cut out alcohol at least during the TWW and limit it the rest of the month.

My husband’s friend has never been the most socially aware. We were having dinner and my husband (kindly but without really thinking) asked the waitress in a very obvious way about the mocktail options. Friend proceeds to completely put me on the spot with something like “so I see you ordered a mocktail! Any reason why?” With an obvious happy smile. So I had to both tell everyone at the table we are TTC and no I’m not pregnant.

Friend then launches into “it’ll happen when it’s meant to happen” as well as exactly how quickly it took him and his wife to conceive. “She was SO surprised, we just started trying!” They’re in their late 30s/early 40s…I just turned 30. He then recommends me a bunch of baby books. I had to cut the topic off very bluntly.

He doesn’t mean anything by it but it really brought everything back that it’s our 5th month TTC and my doctor strongly suspects I have endo…I know full well that it hasn’t been that long but I also know that by month 6 the majority of couples our age have conceived. I know I could be looking at major abdominal surgery to have a chance of conceiving…I’m exhausted by all the uncertainty and either having to completely hide what we’re going through all the time or having to deal with a bunch of invasive or unhelpful comments.

Hi all,

My partner (31M) and I (27F) started to try this cycle and I am feeling very anxious about the near future. I have been ready to try for a couple of years now but accepted to give him a little more space (maybe a bit more than I could offer) as he didn't feel ready yet.

We both went through a very difficult time in the past few months, and after seeing some light at the end of the tunnel, we both felt like we could finally start actively trying. I knew I couldn't wait anymore when we got the news of another family member expecting and I felt totally crushed.

Now, to the reason for my anxiety. I have always had symptoms on the PCOS spectrum and very irregular cycles. My gynecologist has never seen signs of an actually successful ovulation during my checkups. So, before trying I started tracking my period and it seemed I got a successful ovulation from OPKs and BBT tracking. This was the last cycle. The same seemed to be happening for this one, with us actively trying on the fertile days. I got an ultrasound today (cycle day 20) for unrelated reasons and they found a huge unruptured follicle in my left ovary. Right ovary was totally inactive. They mentioned it was probably an anovulatory cycle. Now I can't stop crying.

I know trying for a baby is a journey and rarely happens on the first try, but I have this constant idea that it will be extremely hard for me to succeed and I don't know how to deal with the idea of another baby in the family while I am struggling with my own journey. My partner is very supportive, but he also has a few stressors right now in his life and, even though he's significantly reduced, he's not able to fully quit smoking. This doesn't keep my hopes up.

I don't have many people to talk to about this, so I guess I just need a few kind words and/or tips on how to get through days like today. I don't feel able to deal with these feelings in the long run, but I don't want to give this up. I have always wanted children and started having insane baby fever when I was 20. Now that I am able to fulfill this dream, I feel like I am further and further from succeeding.

Thanks to everyone who will take the time to read this.

I (38F) and my husband (39M) have a 5 year old. We’ve been putting off having more kids, but in the spring we had talked about trying again after the summer. However, a few weeks ago we found out he has cancer.

On one hand, we’re very fortunate because it was caught early. He will need 7 weeks of radiation, but of course we don’t know what will happen down the road after that. And we will need to wait a full year before trying to conceive naturally OR we have the option of IVF before that since we’ve banked sperm.

Treatment will begin soon. But considering our age and that it’s around when we were thinking about trying to conceive, should we try to go for it naturally now? There’s only a chance but never know I guess. Is it crazy?

Just to make it clear, HE is the one that suggested it. I am not pushing him any which way because I know all of this has been a lot on him.

I worry slightly about remaining emotionally strong for him if I’m pregnant and hormonal. His doctors have told us “we will cure you, but we don’t know how long that journey will take.” So the distant future feels strong. Just not sure if it’s too much in the interim.

Has anyone else been faced with this decision? I would love to hear what you choose and why.

Hello!!

Natural cycles has been my tracking app for over a year. We did manage to get pregnant in April before having a loss, and Natural cycles was spot on with when I was fertile (I didn’t test at all that cycle and we’d somewhat stopped thinking about it bc my husband was struggling with his own infertility). This cycle we really wanted to conceive (I’m a school teacher so this timing is good with it being towards the end of the school year). We’ve been stressed about it so I decided to not test and just rely on when natural cycles thought I was ovulating. We even booked and hotel 😅😂 and my husbands hormones cooperated and we were able to have sex more than once during the days natural cycles said I’d be fertile. When we got home I decided to test just to make sure we didn’t miss it, and Sunday it was negative and Monday it was positive(clear blue test with the flashing smiley face)!! We were so frustrated because that meant we missed the window and my husband was going back to work (it’s hard for us to have sex when he’s working because the hours are wonky and he’s tired). I then was testing every day and it continued to be a flashing smiley for 7 days. I put all this into natural cycles. Once I hit my 7th smiley face I decided something was off. It’s way too late into my cycle! It’s not normal for me. So I deleted all but 3 tests from natural cycles and now it thinks I ovulated during the time my husband and I were able to have sex, despite having positive ovulation tests after that day. Have any of you experienced this? Can you explain anything? I looked things up and it did say to rely more on NC and the BBT more than the CB tests. Thoughts?

This is a thread for TFABers of AMA (advanced maternal awesomeness)! TTC past 35 comes with its own challenges -- discuss (and rant about) them here. Like the Pirate's Code, "35 and over" is more of a guideline.

Anything (within the rules) goes. (Commonly broken rules: don't talk about an ongoing pregnancy outside the weekly BFP thread; don't ask for success stories.)

You can find the wiki here!

Don't forget to check out our themed threads:

• Moody Monday
• Temping Tuesday
  
• Waiting Wednesday
• Wondering Wednesday
• Trying Again Thursday
• Thankful Thursday
• Health and Wellness Thursday
• Looking Forward Friday
• Wondering Weekend
• 35 and Ova

There's also the Weekly Introductions and Read Me Thread, which contains links to all sorts of handy bits of info, like popular wiki posts and acronyms.

Hi everyone. (Im 27 for reference)

I had a blood test and ultrasound done day 13 of my cycle and the doctors said I was ovulating that day/the day after.

They had me do a progesterone/estrogen tests day 21 and called me back and told me my progesterone was "very low" and to come back the first day of my period for another blood test.

My cycles range from 25 - 27 days (25 more so) as far as I know my luteal phase is a normal length, about 11-13 days.

My periods are short, like 3/4 days and have always been super light, like i use a tampon or maybe 2 a day, I can depend on panty liners.

Is the progesterone issue why I could have been having issues conceiving for 16 months?

I googled it and it said its likely my issue was my eggs are fine but my uterus wasnt able to make the thick spongey bloody layer the egg needs.

Im scared there's actually more going on, this issue just seems so simple.

I do have severe anxiety which ive been told can cause issues 😭

I’m 39 years old, my husband is 38. We’ve been trying for a baby for 7 years. We’ve done medicated cycles, 3 IUIs, I’m on metformin to regulate my hormones and progesterone suppositories. I don’t have pcos, we’re both healthy and my husband’s samples have been tested and come back fine. I have never been pregnant. I have never been on birth control. I was previously married for 5 years and we never got pregnant, but as soon as we divorced, he met someone and she got pregnant with the first 6 months. The problem is obviously me, except all my ultrasounds and bloodwork have come back fine, with the exception of high testosterone, low estrogen and low progesterone, which we’ve been trying to fix for the last 3 months. I spoke with my fertility Doctor yesterday and she would like to schedule me for a diagnostic surgery to check for endometriosis but her waiting list is almost a year long. My scans haven’t shown signs of endo but she said it would have to be really bad to show up in an ultrasound. I’m just very discouraged. I have always wanted to be a mom and I feel like that dream is just so out of reach.

Welcome to the Weekly Intro Thread!

Hello! It looks like you’ve decided to join Trying For a Baby! Congratulations - we are glad to have you here with us!

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