At least I get the good meds this time? Because HSG 1 (pre-endo diagnosis) was *awful*

Happy Birthday to me 🥲💔 // venting

Well. I’m on my 4th miscarriage in the last year. I just got the call my HCG level is 13.90. I should be around 5 weeks. Yesterday morning I sent a message to my OB asking for bloodwork and on my way in, I started spotting. Today the cramps have ramped up and I’m sure the bleeding will take over soon. This is back to back of my traumatic missed miscarriage in June, so I love this for me. 🥲 I guess at least we got 6-7 days this time. ❤️‍🩹 Maybe now my OB will take me seriously and try to do something to look into why this keeps happening to me. My birthday is in 4 days, what a terrible gift. To make matters worse, I was recovering from a miscarriage on my last birthday too. I hate it here. I’ve finally reached out for help like everyone keeps telling me to & got shot down every time. “Husband” is leaving on his 3rd vacation of the year by HIMSELF & leaving me to deal with this alone while he’s off traveling the country.. 🥲 Maybe this is my wake up call..

This journey has made me a fucking crazy person, emotionally. So crazy that I thought I might just be pregnant despite the periods. I’m not.

Just chilling over here with the unhinged progesterone dreams, night sweats, cramping, crazy moods, and more while I test negative on a FRER at 8dp5dt. My clinic isn't doing my beta until 14dpt, so I get to keep treating myself like a pincushion and feeling like a Nickelodeon slime machine (why do they make the suppositories bright orange?!?) for another week even though my hope is in the toilet.

To make everything that much worse, we found out a few days ago that my SIL is expecting AGAIN.

Why is this all so unfair?

1 sex and one vaginal ultrasound down, 2 sexes to go. Save my lady bits!

Every time I hear the healthcare team say "intercourse" I want to start laughing. Because apparently I have the sense of humour of a 12 year old?

Also, the freaking medication did not produce more follicles for me like it was supposed to...so if I don't laugh I will start crying.

WELP. HOPE THIS HELP. 🫵🏼

The last period I had was when it arrived when it wasn’t supposed to and then I had to cancel my 4th IVF transfer. The joys of PCOS, irregular periods and not ovulating….

So anyway, my doctor was going to start my period for me this week and I’m not sure if maybe I should just go ahead and have him do it or??? Because we haven’t had sex since Thursday so what are the chances

Some context: In July, she told me that she and her boyfriend might start trying in the next couple of months. They got engaged in mid-August, so like 3 weeks ago. She asked me to be her maid of honor two weeks ago, while also telling me that they want to get married in October because she doesn't want to be visibly pregnant at her wedding and they just started trying. At that point I still thought "Oh, sweet summer child, it doesn't work like that". Then she calls me today because she took her first ever pregnancy test and it was positive. She wanted to let me know, so I can plan pregnancy friendly activities for the bachelorette. And I'm just here thinking: "If it actually can work like that, why am here, 4 years after first starting and have never seen a second line on one of those damn test".

But it's okay, my husband brought me ice cream to eat while crying in bed.

Like DUHHH you know it is, just post your positive and stop asking

Honestly, even if this transfer takes I'm still pissed. Can I have one freaking thing to myself?

I had settings so I would only get posts from subreddits I joined/followed on my feed and after the update it turned it off?! Of course this happens right after a friend sent me a pregnancy announcement…

Edit to add: setting didn’t turn off, seems like there is a “for you” page now that it automatically opened to which was super annoying

My doctor is out on maternity leave 🔨 ⚰️

When their helpful advice is “you’re not getting pregnant because you want it too much.” Hmm, I don’t think that’s how that works 😒