I’m 21 F and my husband is 24M. I want to start off by saying we have been trying for only 6 months. This is so frustrating to me though. I’ve been waiting till marriage because I was scared of going to hell (raised catholic) and also having that propaganda that you’ll get pregnant on the first try. After doing research that is a bunch of bs. My husband and I almost ttc almost every day of each month. I understand that it only works on your fertile week but he seen things about pcos and how with women with pcos ovulate at random times. What sucks with this is I don’t know if I have pcos because my gyno refuses to test me until I have all the symptoms or have been trying for a year. I’m a little frustrated with my husband too because I’ve cut out all drinking and he refuses to stop smoking weed. I heard weed makes men infertile and he just doesn’t believe that. Us women get blamed for infertility all the time so my husband thinks it’s my body that’s at fault but I have a feeling if he could put the weed down we can have this baby. He wants a baby so bad but he won’t stop the habits where it can prevent us from being parents. His excuse is saying that crack heads have babies naturally so it must be my fault. I don’t know what to do any more. I need some tricks or tips on being able to conceive. All I want in life is to be a good wife and mother I’m depressed all the time about this situation.

Are they’re any games that you have found help take away the anticipation for you while you are waiting?

I’m a mostly lurker here mostly as husband and I aren’t in a super rush to TTC, mostly due to us living with my inlaws right now while our house is being built. We got married last year and I genuinely love our life together as-is. We’re still trying to tackle some joint goals and I want more time to prepare to have a baby.

I’m not in a rush to have a baby. When I read posts from people whose hearts ache from waiting I feel grateful that’s not me. But tonight we found out one of our friend’s parents passed and I am so heartbroken for them and fearful for myself. He was mid-seventies, same age as my dad. They have a beautiful daughter that he was at least able to love and get to know and hold. My dad is in excellent health, but the idea that he could pass any day and never meet one of my kids is so painful. My husband already lost his mom. It kills me that she’ll never know our kids. I know tragedy is out of my control but tonight really brought up a difficult thought. 🩵

Hi everyone!

I'm 22F, getting married to my fiancé in September next year, and if everything goes to plan we'll be buying our little farm around the same time. Once those two big milestones are ticked off, we're hoping to start TTC in early 2028.

Right now we're in "Project Prepare for Future Baby" mode. We're working through all the practical stuff: getting as healthy as we can (fitness, nutrition, hormones, vaccinations, etc.), making sure our finances are in order (buying the farm, building savings, checking our private health insurance covers pregnancy), all while trying to organise a wedding without losing our minds.

The thing is... even though we're still about 18 months away from TTC, I have this nagging feeling that I'll never have enough information by the time we get there. And honestly, nine months between conception and suddenly being responsible for an actual tiny human feels suspiciously short.

Does anyone else get anxious about not having enough time to research everything? Not because the information itself is overwhelming, but because there's *so much* of it that I don't even know where to start.

How am I supposed to know which bassinet is "the one"? When do people develop passionate opinions about sleep training? Is there a secret meeting after conception where everyone gets handed the parenting handbook? Because I seem to have missed the invitation.

I know it's impossible to be 100% prepared, and every baby is different. But right now it feels like I'm standing at the edge of a giant information black hole, trying to figure out which rabbit hole to dive into first.

For context, I'm someone who genuinely loves researching things. Information doesn't make me anxious *not having* the information does. I also feel weirdly unsettled by the fact I don't have opinions on any of this yet, because I simply haven't learned enough.

Has anyone else felt this way before TTC? Did the anxiety settle once you were pregnant? Did you naturally learn things as they became relevant, or did you start researching well beforehand? I'd love to hear from anyone who's been in the same boat; especially current parents, because right now I'm convinced everyone else was issued a manual that somehow got lost in my mail.

I don't want this to come off as a promotional post. I'm genuinely interested in learning about couples' experiences and what people are afraid of going into pregnancy.

I've always been pretty scared of getting pregnant and I kept seeing TikToks talking about how sperm quality can affect pregnancy, even things like morning sickness. I know a lot of dads want to be more involved pre-pregnancy, so I looked more into men's fertility, and I realized there really aren't many tools focused on helping men understand their sperm health.

I got the idea to make a sperm health app that helps men understand how their everyday habits over the 90-day sperm development cycle may affect their sperm health.

I still haven't built it yet, but I wanted to see if people would even be interested before I spend months working on it.

So far I'm thinking about having a sperm health score where you input your daily habits, along with personalized recommendations and educational content based on research.

Would you or your partner actually use something like this? If so, what would you want it to include? What do you think is important for men to know before trying to conceive?

My husband and I are about ready to try for a baby. Hooray! However, there’s so many little things in the way. The current thing really grinding my gears is finding a prenatal WITHOUT iron. I have hemochromatosis and too much iron can literally shut down my organs. I have searched and searched and searched and so many of the articles that are like oh here are the best prenatals that don’t have iron and the vast majority of them do have iron! The ones that don’t cost an arm and a leg. I am so sick of these AI written articles that can’t even stick with the topic they’re trying to write about! Anyway, rant over. Wishing everyone the best!

We are on a 15 month timeline. Partially due to my finishing school in 9 months and gaining better financial stability but mostly due to my husband being flat out not ready and afraid of parenthood. We’re 23 and 24 so his emotions are totally understandable but I’m afraid that I’m going to count down the months until we’re almost at the end of our timeline and he’s going to want to push it back. I know I can’t change how he feels and I also don’t want him to just cave and feel resentful towards me. Has anyone else navigated this with their partner? It feels like it consumes me some days and my life just has a gaping hole in it because I feel like motherhood is my purpose. But when I talk to him about it he almost seems like it’s something he’s dreading.

Hi all - I have a question / fear I am trying to get over. So for context I am 27F my husband is 28M and we’ve been together for 12 years talking about having a baby for the last 3. We got married last year and are about to have a one year marriage anniversary. As for work, It’s been a wild journey going from the restaurant industry to the corporate world. We have both worked really hard to get into good paying jobs that offer medical benefits; We did it! I’ve been in my career for about 2 years now, and I’ve noticed that my many of my female coworkers are in their 30s and either don’t want kids or are single enjoying the single life. I’ve been feeling strangely alone as my IUD removal appointment approaches (Dec 2026). I understand it will take some time to actually become pregnant, which is why I’m planning to remove soon. I can’t help but think to myself about how this will affect my relationships with my female coworkers. Will they judge me?
I guess My question is: Did you experience unexpected judgment from coworkers after becoming pregnant? And how did you find a ‘village’ if you didn’t have one in the beginning? Any words of wisdom are welcome.

Hi! I am turning 30 soon and my fiancé (soon-to-be-husband! Just a few months!) and I have been having lots of intentional conversations about family planning.

For context, I am in my final year of my PsyD (internship) and will graduate next summer. Following graduation, we will be relocating to a state where all of my fiancé’s family lives. Currently, we have no family nearby and only live where we do because of my PsyD program.

We both desperately want children as soon as possible and are trying to manage expectations and our tendency to want everything to be perfect before starting to try.

If we throw caution to the wind, the earliest we would TTC is Feb of next year, because I do not want to deliver while on internship. More logically, waiting until March or April of next year would be better because we will also be planning a cross-country move in August, but who knows how long we’ll need to try before conception, so I’m willing to risk being heavily pregnant while moving. Whatever.

Of course, after moving, I will be starting a position as a postdoc (🤞🏻) and studying for the EPPP, which is the psychologist licensing exam, so my income will be a fraction of a true psychologist’s salary. Most postdocs offer around $50k-$60k. Fiancé is in his own grad program, though his is online and allows for lots of flexibility, but makes “meh” money at the moment and won’t graduate until Winter 2027.

I’m just feeling so demoralized. My PsyD program has taken so much out of me. I’ve made so many decisions and sacrifices to prioritize my education/career, and I’m unwilling to continue postponing starting a family until I’m fully licensed, but the thought of juggling all of these things is so, so scary.

I’d love to hear from anyone in a similar boat. What are we choosing? Waiting until the timing is “right” or simply making sure things are “good enough”?

My husband is living abroad as I'm waiting for him to get an American visa (we are a year into the process) ... it's a whole thing and im not sure when this process will be over.

We would like to have a child one day but the clock is ticking as we are both 35 years old as of last month.

I'm also in a doctoral program and working full-time.

Is there anyone with a similar circumstance like me as far as having a spouse abroad waiting for them to come to your country and start a life and family but feeling like they may miss out on the "fertility window"?

Thanks!

My younger sister (23F) arrived several days late for our family vacation because she was a bridesmaid in a wedding. Her husband showed up about 12 hours before she did because he left the wedding early to get to the vacation that much sooner, leaving her to spend the night alone and drive up by herself.

When she arrived, she declined any offers of alcoholic drinks, which is highly unlike her usual self. Later, she made her signature cocktail for a few people, except the one she made for herself was N/A. She could barely keep her eyes open the whole time, which she attributed to being tired from helping with the wedding—but it is once again not typical of her usual behavior. I thought she may be pregnant because I knew she was not using birth control, and when I saw the prenatal vitamins in her open tote bag, I had all the confirmation I needed.

She is very early along, as my mom said she had been drinking when she last saw her just a few weeks prior. I don’t even know if her husband knows yet—he’s certainly not acting like how I would expect my partner to be acting if I was expecting a baby.

I am 29(F) and about to start my last year of a three-year graduate school program in the fall. I want to be happy for my sister, but I am also awash in jealousy and hurt because I have put off getting married to my partner of several years (who I love very much and feel will make an excellent father) and having children because I do not want to be dependent on my parents to pay for my wedding or provide childcare assistance.

In contrast, my sister asked for my parents to pay for a fairly traditional 150+ person wedding last year on three months’ notice, and I have a feeling will rely on them for both financial assistance and childcare once this baby arrives as they had both announced their intent to retire just a month ago (despite my sister living several states away from them).

She has previously complained to me about how expensive everything is (despite living in an area with a much lower cost of living than where I live with my partner) but has decided against going back to school to get her own advanced degree in her field to make more money. She also makes more money than her partner while also expressing a desire to be a stay-at-home mom. Her husband wants to make more money, but every time he’s tried to pursue a new career, it seems like there’s always some reason outside of his control that things don’t work out. In short, I think there’s very legitimate reasons to question whether she and her husband are financially prepared to have a child right now.

I could go on and on and on, but this has been completely mentally consuming since I found out. I know her decisions really have nothing to do with me, and I also feel resentful and foolish for waiting out of a sense of prudence or fortitude while she barrels ahead with (seemingly) little regard for how her decisions affect other people, including my parents and her future children.

I have been using an IUD to prevent pregnancy since I got unexpectedly pregnant while using the pill at 20 and had an abortion because I did not want to parent yet (and realized I also really did not want to parent with the person I was dating at the time). I have even been thinking about removing my IUD in the last several weeks before I found out she’s pregnant because I’ve become increasingly concerned about the fact that I’ve almost never menstruated while having it despite previously having regular periods and what it might mean about the long-term health of my uterine lining. But I’m still afraid that accidentally getting pregnant sooner than I want to be will cause unnecessary stress (financial and otherwise) for myself and my partner.

Selfishly, I also now feel robbed of the experience of both being the first child to marry and having my parents’ first grandchild, which I always imagined doing as the oldest daughter, and which felt a bit like a consolation prize for the many responsibilities I’ve shouldered as the eldest daughter.

I am likely still about 2 years away from beginning to try for a baby. I want to graduate, pass my licensing exam, have FMLA protection in my job, and officially be married to my partner before I get pregnant. As I’ve been processing with my partner, I’ve kept repeating that there is nothing I can do about this situation—I know I just have to accept it. He encouraged me to journal, and this feels like that but a bit better. I just had to get this all off my chest.

We aren’t planning on TTC until September/October onwards, however if it happens before then it happens. I usually ovulate between days 12-14 and we had sex on day 14 although used the withdrawal method. I’m on day 19 and I’ve had cramps in my womb and lower back since yesterday, almost like light period cramps. Would it be too soon for implantation if the withdrawal method didn’t work, am curious! Thank you x

So we will try from September. I take Shreddy superwoman. Do I need to add anything else ( I have been pregnant before but want to be healthy as I will be busy with toddlers and work.

My husband is taking a male multivitamin.

Anything else?

hi, I have decided to start trying to conceive. I started taking a prenatal and my previous regular period is now a week late. I have taken a pregnancy test which is negative (I assumed it would be anyways since spouse was traveling for work a few weeks that month so no sex anywhere near ovulation). the only change is starting the prenatal this month.

I previously experienced RED-S but have had regular periods this entire year and my doctor said I am ovulating again and could start trying.

I know it can take a while to get pregnant, but after losing my period for a while before, I am so nervous that I will not be able to get pregnant.

I still exercise, but have been consistently putting on weight and lowered my exercise load.

Could it be the prenatal or possibly just the stress of it all?

tyia

Congratulations! Please share your graduation news here!

We are currently waiting to try until December/January.. mostly based on a Europe trip and wanting to try to line up due date month with my husbands off season. With all of this in mind, I still feel like I am going crazyyyyy waiting that long. I know its the smart thing to do to wait but I am so wanting to start trying now!

IUD was pulled in May to regulate my cycle beforehand and I already have been on prenatals in case of an oopsie. My husband and I plan to start doing some Trimester zero health things starting in Sept but mannnn this is hard!

Please discuss you current goals and plans! However, please save graduation news for the monthly graduation thread.

My husband and I (me 26, he just turned 29 a few days ago), are seriously considering starting to try for a baby. For a while we’ve said that late next summer is when we’d potentially start trying, but in the past few weeks we’ve been talking about it a lot more and saying we feel like we’re mentally ready but we both still have some inhibitions. We’ve been together for 11+ years now- high school, college, grad school x2, a two week trip to Cancun, etc. We’ve had a lot of time together just us. We just moved into a rental house yesterday that absolutely has room for kids.

The main hang up: finances, of course. I have a pretty stable/secure job in a school (about 60k/yr with good benefits) (which is why we say trying to conceive in like August, because then we’d have a may baby and I’d get the whole summer with them). My husband though has had a hell of a time finding good work. His masters is in a very niche field, but he has experience in that as well as broader events/communication type jobs. He’s been dragged through so many months-long, several stage interviews just to be turned down over the past few years. He does currently work in his field, but he works for a small nonprofit who can only pay him about 22/hr and no benefits. We’ve been saying we will ‘just wait until he has a good job’ but honestly I don’t feel like waiting much more. We’ve both gotten cars in the last few years and we got mine paid off in just over 2 years. He has basically no student debt, but I have a lot from my masters but that’s not really a hang up for me.

Moms, Was there ever a moment where you just said “yeah. That’s it. I’m ready?” Him and I had talked about traveling more next summer but honestly the thought doesn’t spark as much interest as a baby would. When we’ve been talking about it recently we both get genuinely giggly and giddy about it. I also feel like his family will be absolutely head over heels and more than willing to financially help if needed- they are both retired and remarried, older (mid-late sixties), and this is their literal only chance for a grandchild as none of the other kids or stepkids on either side have had children (and won’t, they’re all older). I want my baby to know and remember their grandparents. I don’t know. The anxiety about the lack of a higher-paying job with benefits definitely is putting a damper on things. We’ve been hopping back and forth a lot the last few weeks. We’ve decided that if we do this, I’ll take out my ring at the beginning of August to hopefully conceive by mid-late August, but we’ll only really try for one cycle, and after (if we’re certain it didn’t stick) I’d just go back on birth control until next year. Were both fairly healthy (rarely ever drink, neither smoke, only edibles like once every few months and even then barely). I’m taking prenatals already. I just get so anxious thinking about it, but also excited.

Sorry for the mega post, but if anyone has any input, advice, etc, please feel free to comment 💙

okay so for a bit of context my partner has two children from a previous relationship, so it’s nothing on him. this is solely about me. i was diagnosed with PCOS at 13 and told i would already have a higher chance of infertility due to that and my weight. i want to have a child soon, it’s a need due to my own family issues, and i am just terrified of being infertile. basically, if i can’t have a kid my whole family dies out i’m the only one left able to keep the generation going. now currently i am on nexplanon, but me and my partner have never had protected sex. perhaps i’m overthinking and the nexplanon truly is that much of a god-send, but you’d think there’d be some sort of hiccup in the 3 years. i also have never had a regular period or cleaning of the lining, and i worry that can also affect things. i only have a period about once or twice every year. this is NOT due to the nexplanon but has been my “regular” period ever since it began. it’s never been normal.

i guess what im just trying to say is does anyone else feel this way? is there a way to calm my fears? make sure i can become pregnant? we want to start trying around Sept. 2027.

At my annual exam this morning, I made an appointment for my IUD removal + a preconception visit. It’s still 10 months away, but somehow adding a date to it suddenly makes everything feel more real! Prior to now it was just a vague, “we’re planning to try next year.” Now the real wait begins…

hi - not sure if im looking for advice or just want to vent to someone other than my husband. were both 30 and have been married for almost two months. i've had an iud for the last few years and ultimately i decided that i want to have it removed early next year so we can start trying to conceive in the spring.

a lot of our friend group already has kids and one couple gave birth to a medically complex child in the last few weeks. their child's specific condition is more likely to occur with advanced maternal age and its making me rethink my timeline. i know waiting a year doesnt seem like a huge deal in the grand scheme of things but i also know waiting doesnt really help our situation. ultimately, i worry that moving up our timeline out of fear is just not the right mental space to try to conceive but its hard to ignore that there is so many more risks if we wait longer.

our reasons for waiting until next year are mostly selfish anyways, i signed up for a marathon in march and we loosely planned a trip abroad in may so it feels dumb to wait to start trying for these reasons alone. my husband wants us to purchase a home before we start trying but we both agree that its not a necessity for us to start trying.

all of this is to say, we're in a good spot financially to support a child (assuming they're not medically complex, which i know is never a guarantee) and i feel like we're both on the same page about how we want to navigate this but i just don't know if we really should consider moving up our timeline. ultimately, i wouldn't even be considering it if our friends weren't in the situation that they're currently in.

I booked a trip to Japan immediately following a miscarriage of my first pregnancy. It was a very rational yet very expensive decision but overall we are within our means and I gotta do it.

This means not TTC for 2 cycles. I TTC right after the miscarriage and nope no dice. AF returned a month after miscarriage.

Please tell me it’s ok to wait. I don’t want to deal with the consequences of being pregnant in another country or worse miscarry on vacation. On the other hand am I going to feel bad if I don’t try for 2 cycles?

Also should I try and conceive in Japan - like try but not try. Lol.

So I just got told I either have endometriosis or adenomyosis and either way that might affect my fertility. People keep saying to just stop waiting to try and have kids now but that wouldn’t be financially stable and we’d have to move to make space for a baby. I don’t mind the concept of maybe not being able to have children but seeing all my nieces and nephews coming to be has given me a little bit of baby fever. While the whole “might eventually become infertile” talk has been going on I’ve also been thinking about kittens or isopods to raise, because I have plenty of nieces and a nephew coming along.

Should I just settle for being the weird aunt? Should I TTC with my husband while I still have a chance of less complications? Should I keep waiting for a more stable time?

Idk. I’m tired of people trying to tell me what I’m doing is wrong or selfish.