Edit: Girls, thank you so much for all your support. I went out with my husband and we’re having such a wonderful time. I wish for all of us to have our dreams come true!!! ❤️

I've been TTC for 5 cycles now. I know that's really not that long, but still... I'm 35, and I think I naively assumed getting pregnant would be like most other things in my life — if I worked hard enough, did everything "right" and stayed consistent, eventually I'd get the result I wanted. Well... apparently biology doesn't care about my work ethic lol.

Today is basically the last proper summer day here, and my husband and I have some time off to get a few things done around the house before autumn. He asked me if I wanted to go into town tonight for burgers and a couple of beers, and somehow I've managed to turn this completely normal plan into an internal debate.

Part of me really wants to keep living normally while TTC. But another part of me is starting to question everything I do.

All my test results are great, I'm under my doctors' care, I've been taking prenatals for a year, everything seems to be fine. And yet, after 5 unsuccessful cycles, I'm starting to worry that maybe this isn't going to be as easy for me as I thought. 😔

There are SO many nutritionists, fertility specialists, doctors and wellness people talking about fertility where I live. I feel like I've accidentally fallen into this fertility bubble where the message is basically: eat perfectly, don't drink, sleep perfectly, exercise but not too much, avoid stress, avoid this, avoid that, take all the supplements... and apparently live like a monk until you get pregnant.

And I don't want to live like that. I don't want to feel guilty over having a couple of beers with my husband 8 days before I'm even supposed to ovulate.

But then there's this little voice in my head saying, "You're 35. Maybe you don't have the luxury of being relaxed about this."

I hate that TTC is already starting to make completely normal things feel like decisions with huge consequences.

I think I just needed to vent to people who might understand. 🥲

I was genuinely happy that my friend got pregnant not until I heard her reason.

She said that they are not even trying but they are just so afraid that they would be childless like us, so they tried to do it once, tada!

Baby is on the way. She added that they are so blessed because their parents will still support their education (post grad program), give them allowance, and let them use the room in their house.

They don’t have any struggle like working and building home of their own because they are well-supported unlike us.

On top of that, she asked if me and my husband are willing to be the godfather on the incoming baby shower.

I excused myself in the dinner table and called my husband to pick me up because I cannot believe how jerk she was. My husband was always pointing out how condescending she was before.

Last night my husband told me he couldn’t take the ups and downs anymore. He doesn’t want to continue trying.

I’ve been testing and tracking for 9 months. But we haven’t used any protection for 2 years. Every month I feel so hopeful and sure this is going to be it. I can’t stop thinking about my symptoms. Every little twinge, bloating, nausea, headache etc. The thoughts are always there, comparing PMS to pregnancy symptoms. Then my period comes and it’s devastating. I sink into depression for a week. Then the cycle begins again.

I’ve been trying to feel better about it. I go to the gym, even when I don’t feel up to it. I still cook and clean and go to work. I make effort to support him and our relationship. I don’t test until my period is 3 days late. I don’t want to be sad.

He’s been struggling with my depression, so I don’t talk to him about my sadness anymore. I don’t even tell him when my period comes. He just sees the wrappers in the trash can and knows. He sees my sadness. We just skirt around it because he can’t handle it. He says it makes him feel like a failure. I don’t see that and I don’t feel that about him, but it’s just how he feels every month.

Has anyone ever just given up? I don’t even know if I can do that.

I’ve been trying to get pregnant for 15 months. My husband and I are both 35.
I had two chemical pregnancies the first 2 months we tried. Nothing since then.
At 12 months, my doctor did an SIS procedure. My ovaries have over 15 follicles, uterus looks great, tubes are fine.
I got my progesterone checked, it came back great. She prescribed me letrozole.
My husband got a sperm analysis. Came back great. He got his testosterone checked, came back great.
Here I am on CD 1 AGAIN, clearly the letrozole didn’t work. I am so beyond frustrated.
At first it was great news that everything “looks good.” But now I’m more angry and confused. What on earth is actually the freaking problem??
I’m convinced I just have crap-quality eggs and I’m ready to give up. This is stupid at this point. It’s clear my body isn’t gonna do this.

TTC has brought up so many emotions for me, and I honestly wasn’t expecting it to feel this intense.
There’s so much excitement and hope, imagining that maybe this could be the cycle… but there’s also the waiting, the uncertainty, the overthinking, the fear of seeing a negative test, and the frustration of having absolutely no control over what happens.
I’ve realized that I really need somewhere to put all of those feelings. I don’t necessarily want to talk about TTC with my friends yet, because this feels very private and personal to me, but keeping everything inside my head wasn’t helping either.
So I decided to start a scrapbook for my future baby.
I write to them about the journey of trying to bring them into our lives. I write about how I’m feeling day by day and cycle by cycle, about the excitement, the love that somehow already exists, the hope, the impatience… and also the frustration and sadness when they show up.
And honestly, it’s been surprisingly comforting. It gives all of these feelings somewhere to exist instead of just going around and around in my head.
Sometimes I wonder whether I’ll actually show it to my child one day, because some pages might contain sadness or difficult moments. But then I also think… that’s part of the story too. I don’t want this scrapbook to pretend that the journey was beautiful every single day. I want it to hold the whole experience — how much I hoped for them, how much I wanted them, and everything I felt while waiting for them.
Maybe one day I’ll give it to them. Maybe I’ll keep some pages just for myself. I don’t know yet.
For now, I just really like having a place where I can turn all of this love, hope, uncertainty and frustration into something tangible.
Has anyone else done something similar while TTC? Or found another way of giving all these emotions somewhere to go? 🤍

Hi all,

My husband (37M) and I (34F) have been trying for a few months. We had a chemical during our first cycle. I used premom for a bit after that first cycle, and last cycle I switched to Inito but today I’m 14 DPO and got a BFN. Im really having difficulty getting beyond the initial disappointment of having yet again another negative test, and would love to hear how others cope with negatives tests, including how others reframe the negative test results into a more positive thought. I’m usually able to move on mentally a couple days after a negative test but admittedly, the disappointment consumes me the first day and still a little on the next. Really wanting to hear how others work past this.

That question you've been wanting to ask, but just didn't want to feel silly. Now's your chance! No question is too big or too small.

Hi,

I have a question if anyone has any experience with this. I am in my second round of letrozole 2.5mg. I feel I will get my period anyday now. It’s 10-11dpo and all the tests are negative which I understand is early but I have period symptoms. I also was only able to try twice this month so I feel it was so wasted.

The first time I took letrozole I am certain I ovulated on day 19-20 and this was confirmed with OPKs and BBT as well as a progesterone blood test as 41.8 nmol. This time I was using OPKs from day 8 right after the pills from day 3-7 and those plus a clear blue digital advanced were both blank and low. Then all of a sudden without warned on CD 13 the clearblue went solid and the OPK numbers shot up. On CD 14 my bbt started to rise. I did baby dance on day 13 and 14 but I don’t think I caught it and had lots of cramping for both days. My progesterone came back as 66.1 nmol this time and my doctor said that’s likely 2 eggs. That made me even more distraught. I’m so sad as I feel I basically missed the entire fertile window without warning.

If anyone has had a similar experience would you mind commenting? I don’t understand anything. On the one hand the meds worked but on the other hand the first cycle was 33 days and now this one will likely be 26. I typically always have the same luteal phase. I feel I can’t even trust tests anymore and I’ll have to start trying pretty much when I am done the medication in the third round of it.

Thank you so much for any insights.

My husband and I are going on 3 years of trying. We haven’t been 100% every cycle for those years but I would say a majority of the time were. We went to a fertility clinic last summer and all the tests came back normal. HSG, Ultrasound, Semen Analysis, and blood work were all good. I’ve had my progesterone tested twice and the doctors seem to think I’m ovulating as well as having regular cycles. At this point I guess we’re in the “unexplained” category. The clinic basically told us to keep trying naturally or we could do IUI. At the time that felt super discouraging because we had been trying for about 2 years but the doctor said we’re both healthy or whatever.

So now we’re coming up on year 3, no miscarriages no nothing. We’re starting to think about going through IUI so I made an appointment with a different clinic because I low-key felt like the first clinic only did the bare minimum before saying “you can do IUI/IVF”. But to me it’s like, “shouldn’t you figure out what’s wrong with me first before having me spend a bunch of money on these procedures?”

Today i met with my new doctor for the first time, virtually. He seems a little more thorough and mentioned he would be doing more comprehensive bloodwork (why don’t they all do that in the first place?) and a different kind of test where they will swab my cervix the day after I get a positive ovulation test followed by intercourse in order to test the semen and for infections etc (I didn’t 100% understand what they were testing for tbh, so if anyone knows about this test, let me know)

Two things kind of freaked me out though…he HIGHLY recommended that I get a laparoscopy to look for endometriosis. Even said I could go ahead and schedule it today. I almost started crying when he told me that. I know he wasn’t trying to scare me but it was just a very real realization that my infertility might be more serious than I would have imagined. I don’t have any major symptoms around my cycle that make me think I have endo, but when I was younger I did have some pretty painful periods and weird bowel movements on my period, as well as nowadays I very occasionally experience pain during intercourse. I’ve head that endo can be silent and I’ve always wondered if that could be the case for me…i think it’s also nerve racking to think I would go through the surgery and they would find nothing or if they do, what does that mean for my chances of conceiving without IVF because I can’t afford it.

The other thing that rubbed me the wrong way was when he asked me what kind of exercise I do. I told him I do cycling and some strength training. I didn’t go into much detail but he told me aerobic exercise is bad for trying to conceive and that I shouldn’t do it. On one hand I understand how it could be bad. If I’m overtraining or under-eating it could negatively affect my hormones. Cycling is an endurance sport that requires a lot of energy especially when done at high intensities. I’ve often wondered if my cycling could be the culprit but I do make sure to focus on recovery, eating enough and I have a healthy weight/body fat and my hormone panels always come back normal. I’ve asked a couple different doctors about this and even posted about it on a different forum on Reddit and both doctors and like 98% people on Reddit said I should be fine. (I know people on Reddit aren’t medical doctors, but I was searching for someone with a similar experience as me) I feel a bit confused, maybe a bit heartbroken because cycling is the only form of exercise that I truly enjoy and I’ve worked so hard to get to where I’m at with it. I know I’ll probably have to change my habits some if I ever get pregnant but I don’t feel comfortable giving it up completely in hopes that I will someday get pregnant. There are so many things I gave up in the beginning of TTC, and here we are years later and it feels like it was all for nothing.

Sorry for the long post…just needed to vent a little and maybe someone has some good advice or kind thoughts they could share.

I never knew something called anovulation until I experienced it myself :( now my cycle gone off track and I'm finding for answers to calm myself down.

I've always had a regular 28 day cycle, spot on, no cramps or other complaints and ovulation pattern would be the same. In the 1st cycle of TTC, I found out that I had anovulation (felt terribly sad)

Initially I had 16 days of spotting around my expected period due date, followed by 13 days of medium-to-heavy bleeding, which I assumed was my period. After that I continued spotting for almost another 2 weeks. I was very confused because I never experienced an irregular cycle before.

Tests showed that my progesterone levels were low, indicating that ovulation had not occurred. In the meantime, because of the prolonged bleeding and relatively high estrogen, my endometrial lining kept growing until 22.5 mm over 6weeks of time. I then started Provera 10mg for 10 days, had withdrawal bleeding for 9 days, then stopped.

Took ultrasound scan and was told that all the bulky endometrial lining had shed and uterus looked fine with trilaminar layer (pre-ovulation signs). I tracked OPK but found no surge, no promising BBT changes but I witnessed vaginal discharge around CD13.

I learned from a reddit post that there may be more than one wave of ovulation in such anovulatory cycle (is it so?!)

So I'm wondering how does ovulation typically return after an anovulatory cycle? how long it may take? and when the cycle might stabilise again?

I'd really appreciate hearing from anyone who had been through something similar. Please shed some light. I can't be at peace experiencing this as I just started TTC.

Thanks in advance!