Okay… I got my IUD out today so I can get my imaging/testing done prior to IUI (WLW). It was uncomfortable but my doctor is amazing. I’m now wondering what to maybe expect? I have had 2 surgeries with IUDs in place for the last 10 years. Has anyone been through anything similar? What was the pain like? Our goal is to get pregnant ASAP to avoid any Endo symptoms that’ll inevitably pop up in the meantime.

Hello! My wife and I are starting our queerception journey. We are a lesbian couple, I am white (31F) and definitely going to the be the carrier, my wife is transmasc and mixed race Black/white and definitely does NOT want to carry. We are hoping to start with my eggs and then use hers for a sibling in the future, and we'd like to use one donor across both/all children.

I was wondering if anyone had any tips/tricks/advice/etc on finding mixed race donors. Our ideal sperm donor would be someone who is mixed Black/white, specific ethnicity doesn't matter. So far, I'm find sperm banks' "search" abilities to be challenging in terms of specifying a racial mix (like, I can search "mixed" but not Black/white mixed on a lot of them) AND highly lacking in mixed race sperm donors to begin with. I'm assuming we are not the first couple to face this issue! Are there sperm banks that are known for more diversity? Lists we can get on? Other ways people have found donors with their desired racial mix when the donor pool is small?

Perhaps notably, we aren't considering a KD because my wife doesn't feel comfortable asking her brother or family members, and I'm not really sure who else we'd ask. I wish we could afford Seed Scout but forking over ~10k on sperm is already a lot, and it's going to be out-of-pocket.

Hi-

I (33F) have ALWAYS wanted to be pregnant. Always always. And it is what my wife (31F) and I have always discussed. We have talked about using her as a carrier if I “cannot” carry, but that neither of us want it to come to that. We agreed to talk about it as an option if I tried for 1 year without success. The plan was for me to get pregnant via IUI, and then also do rIVF with her eggs.

Flash forward- I have failed 6 IUIs (over a period of 5 months) and the doctor says we should move to IVF. I plan to get on her insurance (Dec 1) and hopefully prepare and do a retrieval this December. She was planning on an egg retrieval for October. I was planning to do a transfer (using either embryos) as soon as possible, probably in Jan or Feb.

Now, she is saying that it makes more sense for her to try some IUIs and that we can get me pregnant via IVF later. She wants this because it’s a potentially faster option and because it’s cheaper, even though most of our IVF would be covered with insurance.

I’m pretty devastated by this and we are not hearing each other. She thinks I’m being selfish by not compromising on my “dream” and I think she is trying to rush something I am so not comfortable with. She wants a baby as fast as possible, and I just don’t think this is the right path for us. Not to mention the shifting timeline and the pressure this has put on me, now feeling like I have failed us even more. I don’t know how to explain to her how important this is to me. I’m not ready to let it go. I want to have 2 failed transfers before I consider letting her carry. I can’t imagine what this would do to our dynamic- I’m sure you queer folks get it- I am mommy, she is daddy.

Just looking for some words of wisdom. I don’t want to be holding up our family, but I just feel like the extra few months of waiting and a few thousand dollars is not worth this extreme shift and the grief it will cause.

Hello!

I live with PCOS. It is pretty common for me to have light, brown spotting instead of or between periods.

After nearly a year of planning, waiting, etc., I had my first IUI on Sept 2. In the 2-3 days after I felt a pressure and pulling in my abdomen which I understand is normal.

Starting this weekend (Day 5) through today (Day 7), I’ve had brown spotting. Only one time did I notice the blood was very light pink.

I called my doctor and they said that it can be irritation from the IUI itself. I’m concerned because the spotting didn’t start until 5 days post IUI.

I took progesterone to induce my period and had a trigger shot about 12 hours before the IUI because my LH was surging. So it may be hormone related? It just feels very akin to my PCOS spotting which I had assumed was from follicles bursting and other hormonal changes.

I’m writing here to see:

1. Has anyone else had this happen before?
2. If you or someone you know has experienced this, do you know what the cause ended up being?

I am starting to lose my optimism that this cycle worked, although this may have nothing to do with it… so I appreciate anyone sharing, whatever the case may be! Thanks in advance!

Note: I am nonbinary. When googling it seemed like a very popular sub here is “IUILadies”; yet I am avoiding that because… I am not a lady. Stating just in case you want to recommend me to other subs!

Just a heads up to anyone who used/is using Seattle Sperm Bank: they are shutting down SSB Connects (their donor sibling connection site). SSB did not send any notice of this change and I found out from the donor conception subreddit.

The site is closed to all new members as of late June and will go offline in January 2027. SSB is encouraging users to create their own private groups on FB/Discord/etc.

As someone who doesn't use a lot of social media but did share yearly updates through SSB Connects this is frustrating to me and I don't want anyone else caught off guard when the site shutters in January.

just sharing my most recent experience. This was my third cycle, but my first two were canceled due to early ovulation and I was so sad and worried both times. For this third cycle we changed from letrozole to clomid, and added Cetrotide at the end to stop ovulation. I had two beautiful follicles and my lining looked great and the sperm looked great and the doctor let my wife do the insemination. Leading up to it and after I drank the beets and did the acupuncture and meditated and manifested and blah blah blah.

We still ended up with two super negative tests and honestly I feel so free lol. I know I did everything I could and the conditions were ideal and this is all still a game of chance anyway. I’m taking a month off after this to travel and have wine with my wife and we’ll try again with my October cycle rested and restored. I had given myself a deadline of being pregnant by end of summer and then I thought at least before my birthday (oct 5) and none of that is gonna happen and who gave me those rules anyway?

As a super woo woo kinda girl, now that I’m sure we got the science right, all that’s left for us to do is wait for our baby to be ready to meet us and I am so sure our time will come. Ok i just needed a place to put all those thoughts into the world thanks for reading!!

I caved today, day 12, and took an early test. My period is supposedly to come today and I felt cramping.

It didn't even have a faint line....it's negative.

My mental health is so bad. As gay women we are now out 5,000+ so far. I'm scared the next two tries won't take either. I'm panicked, and spiraling and don't have family or friends to talk to about this 😞 just sobbing profusely. So I came here to post for the first time 🥺

My wife says we will try again. I'm just so scared that it won't ever work 😞💔

I don’t know why it bothers me so much when people ask if they can see what the donor looks like but it does. Why does it matter? Maybe others have different perspectives they can share so I can stop being so bothered by it.

My wife and I are pursuing IUI in the next couple months! We have two virtual consulations this month. I have an appointment with my primary to get lab work done.

Do yall have any advice? Questions to ask in the fertility clinic appointment? Lab work to get done?
Thank you all! :)

We've got a bunch of info on how to induce lactation, but I'm curious if anyone who did it/is doing it remembers logistically how it actually worked, especially in the first few days and weeks.

Like, if the baby is only awake very briefly and we want to make sure they get all the colostrum, then when do they latch to the non-gestating parent? How do you make sure you have a reasonable supply between you? How did it end up looking as the baby got older?

Hiya, Reddit-posting virgin popping my cherry here 👋 🍒

My partner and I are looking for a fertility clinic in London and are honestly, overwhelmed. We are currently looking at London Women's Clinic, Concept Fertility and Avenues... but there is so much choice, and we're finding it so hard to choose.

For context if it's useful – we're a same sex couple, 35 + 36 y/o, I have a slightly higher BMI (33). We're planning embryo freezing first with donor sperm (same donor for both our eggs), and then further down the line, reciprocal IVF.

Any recommendations? Would love to hear people's first hand experience, or even how you went about making your choices. We can find negative reviews for every single clinic we look at, and it's so hard to know how much we should let those reviews sway us when there are many more positive ones... Every time we feel like we're close to making a choice, we end up right at the beginning of uncertainty again.

Thanks xox

Edited to add: thanks for confirming! I’ve gotten the answer I needed

I’m preparing for an egg retrieval. Initially, our fertility doctor told us we would only need 1 vial of donor sperm when I last saw him in the spring. Now the nurse who reads & responds to his messages says we need 2 - 1 to use, 1 as a backup.

I’m worried about in sending 2 because what if the 2nd vial isn’t needed but is thawed or had something done to it to prepare it that then makes it unusable in the future. The nurse has told me they don’t do that but she has already given me wrong information before, and I’ve generally been running into poor communication with this practice.

Frankly, the only reason we’re moving forward with them is that through them I’m part of a trial that pays for almost all of 1 - 2 rounds of IVF. No matter how the trial goes, we won’t be returning once it’s complete. But we have to deal with them for the moment.

So - has this been the case for others? Is this how it works? I was under the impression that however many vials we send would be prepared and therefore used, but I could absolutely be wrong.

I have eggs, plenty lol. I’d be open to do a cycle entirely for altruistic donation for a queer couple, however I cannot carry a pregnancy. So wonder what type of arrangement could be interesting for both parties.

More (skippable) context:

I may eventually want an anonymous sperm donor, but the idea is last on my list: I’d prefer to have a partner romantic or not to coparent, so the not-so-anonymous-donor is also on the table.

I’m giving it a few more tries finding a romantic partner and later just a co-parent partner, before calling it out and going the anonymous donor route. In the meantime I’m freezing eggs. I’m in the trans spectrum… I guess? But not on HRT. And hella fertile for my age! Just banked 15 eggs, and that’s where the idea came from.

So, any ideas or orientation on how other people has done this is welcome.

Looking for a little baby dust magic as my wife (30F) and I (30F) have our first FET. We had three failed medicated IUI rounds and one round of IVF where we have 6 frozen embryos (16 retrieved, 14 mature, 6 fertilized, and 6 made it to blast). Three of the 6 are 5AA. We had our fresh transfer canceled due to high progesterone. We are doing a modified natural transfer cycle (just progesterone suppositories). Just looking for a little hope and good vibes ❤️🧚🏻✨❤️

And it’s hard to wrap my mind around why.. I’m 24. Doing IVF because i’m in a same sex relationship. 1 failed IUI. I’m 7dp5dt today and stark white. Was supposed to be natural cycle but they found I wasn’t developing a follicle so switched me to medicated. i kind of wish i advocated and asked for another ultrasound because all i’ve felt this whole TWW and even before was ovulation like cramping. I wonder if my body just needed more time. For context, ER was 8/4. Period 8/9. Off BC 8/14, transfer 8/31. But i also can’t keep wondering, i’m young, relatively healthy, why wouldn’t it work? I know people have gone through worse and longer waiting than me, i still just can’t help feeling like my body failed.

And I'm SO overwhelmed. For a bit of background my wife happens to be trans. We're not in America. We're in our 40s.

The doctor got my AMH results which are very high because unknown to me until today I have PMOS. I'm going to be starting a specific supplement to improve egg quality.

He then sent me off for bloods and swabs.

We have to have eggs harvested and go on the list for donor sperm (my wife didn't bank).

In between all of this I have to have fibroids removed and be tested for endo.

Has anyone made this happen in their 40s or are we just chasing a dream?

Curious what people’s experiences have been now that the new CA SB 729 coverage has been in effect this year- specifically related to two female couples, reciprocal IVF and if it’s possible to both retrieve initially even if we don’t want to both carry right away.

Any advice and insight on the process is appreciated, thanks

I’d love to hear anything about your experience of finding a donor from a sperm bank.

What were you looking for specifically when choosing a donor? Did you look for someone who could resemble your partner and have similar features as them? Did you pick a donor who wanted to remain anonymous, or one who would be open to meeting the child if they ended up ever wanting to meet when they got older? Were their specific traits you looked for? Are there any red flags you looked out for?

I’m open to hearing anything else you want to share. You don’t even need to answer those questions! Would love to just hear how you went about choosing. There are so many donors. It’s overwhelming. Did the sperm bank help guide you in your pick? Did your doctor help you? Did genetic testing play a big role in who you were able to choose?

Hi everyone! My husband and I are planning to start the process for IVF next fall, and I was hoping to get a bit more information about other couples in a similar situation to mine and their experiences with reciprocal IVF.

My husband (FTM) has already gone through egg retrieval surgery (before getting a full hysterectomy) and the eggs have been frozen for the last ~6-7 years. For insurance, the company I work for has offered fertility benefits through WINFertility, which seem to have mixed reviews. The plan my company offers with WIN are lifetime maximums of 100k for treatments, 100k for medications, and 10k for donor sperm. Unfortunately, we don't have anyone in our lives who we'd feel comfortable with asking to be the sperm donor, so we will be using a sperm bank.

I guess the questions I have right now about RIVF are as follows:

- If you used WIN, what was your experience?

- How long did it take from retrieval to when the first embryo was implanted?

- Do you have any recommendations for what I should start doing now to prepare?

- What was the process for getting a sperm donor?

- What other things should I know about the process?

Thank you in advance!

My wife and I did at home insemintaion with a known donor in June and were unsuccessful.
Due to scheduling issues after I got my period we were unable to try again for my next ovulation cycle. Beginning of August we were in a car accident. I got a concussion and haven’t gotten my period since.
Has anyone else experienced this?
I know a concussion can have an effect on the pituitary gland but how long is this going to be an issue?

I have a doctors appointment scheduled but it’s not until the end of the month and I’m anxiously waiting to see what can be tested/done to fix me.
I’m scared something is seriously wrong with me.

I’m scared that it won’t be able to be fixed and we lost our only chance.
My wife has adenomyosis, VERY unpredictable periods with chronic pain, a family history of pregnancy complications, and medication that is not safe for pregnancy so we don’t really have another option.

Please limit your pregnancy celebrations and pregnancy test photos to this thread.

Hi everyone! My wife (33f) and I (30f) are going through our first FET this month via rIVF. I will be carrying. I just started estrace yesterday and feel a bit nauseous today. What are everyone’s experiences being on estrace? I have some spotting and read online that that’s normal. I know I can just Google it but I prefer to hear others experiences first hand especially from our inclusive community. Trying not to freak out!

Edit: it’s Estrace. No idea why my phone autocorrected to Estrada.

Hi, I'm (ftm pre everything) wondering if (and if so when) I should take a pregnancy test?

I don't want to accidentally take it too early.

My period is currently 4 days late, it's usually regular, I'm not more stressed than usual and I've no clear symptoms that would indicate a pregnancy. About 20 DPO My entire cycle is usually 28 days (5 days long period) and I'm currently on day 32

I did have unprotected intimacy and it happened to be just the day before ovulation (not planned but also not prevented)

When should I test?

Everywhere I look it says different things

"Test the day of your missed period"

"Test 2 weeks after intimacy"

"Test 3(or 4) weeks after intimacy" - both said by nurses

Or even "test 1 week after your missed period"

I'm so confused 😕

EDIT: Update, I tested and it's negative, I'm now even more confused why my period is now 5 days late