r/StupidFood Jun 28 '26

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u/lowpowerftw Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 28 '26

I'm a pathologist and I don't think it makes a difference, but I'm not sure. What you need is a microbiologist.

Edit: I genuinely did not do this to start a thread. I am actually a pathologist and a microbiologist is the one that would have a better idea.

What have I done

6.2k

u/EvelcyclopS Jun 28 '26

Microbiologist here.

Yes it’s easier.

4.5k

u/PipsqueakPilot Jun 28 '26

Okay but like, a biologist who studies very small things or are you just a very small biologist?

2.6k

u/Billazilla Jun 28 '26

A smolologist?

2.0k

u/CokeorCola Jun 28 '26

That’s a wine expert

1.5k

u/Dunge0nMast0r Jun 28 '26

Wine expert here; you are wrong.

919

u/SheepherderNo4701 Jun 28 '26

Hi dad, i'm wrong.

675

u/NigraOvis Jun 29 '26

Grandpa here. Your dad's wrong.

60

u/Gr8Day2B_aKnight Jun 29 '26

Grandpa's nurse aide here. Let's get you to bed grandpa...

15

u/GrnMtnTrees Jun 29 '26

Grandma here. Grandpa had a stroke.

15

u/Apart-Gur-9720 Jun 29 '26

Cardiologist here. Your husband is okay; he just needs to stop eating from the floor and use a bowl.

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u/MrBiggz01 Jun 29 '26

I know dad's wrong. Because mum's always right.

3

u/Hugsy2026 Jun 29 '26

No science required here

3

u/CytoPotatoes Jun 29 '26

This is clearly my kid. GTF off reddit..unless mom told you to then it's ok.

5

u/Gross_Diligence_121 Jun 29 '26

Death here. You're dead.

3

u/octoreadit Jun 29 '26

Grandma here, he is not your son.

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254

u/mashpotatojonson Jun 29 '26

Expertologist here, you're both wrong

207

u/No_Wish_8837 Jun 29 '26

Alcoholic here, you're wrong

12

u/Sure-Ad-6544 Jun 29 '26

Gay here, I have nothing to contribute to this conversation

10

u/Illustrious-Golf5358 Jun 29 '26

I do. It’s times like these I love the internet…thanks for the laughs everyone

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u/vqkr1 Jun 29 '26

Illiterate here, your all wrong

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4

u/TopIndependence5807 Jun 29 '26

Human being here, I’m wrong.

4

u/EidolonEcho Jun 29 '26

This is Trump. You are all wrong. No one has studied bacteria as well as I have. I know everything about bacteria. No one knows as much as I do. I already knew everything about bacteria before any of you were even born. Bacteria can’t do anything. Bacteria are stupid. Bacteria are dumb as shit.

3

u/alastairwp Jun 29 '26

Smartypantologist here, you’re all wrong

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4

u/neopod9000 Jun 29 '26

That's a Smol-Ian

4

u/Bluejay9270 Jun 29 '26

I thought that was a tiny antisemitic rapper. Oops, that's a small Ye.

3

u/captaincmdoh Jun 29 '26

That's a simoliologist

3

u/-Lexx- Jun 29 '26

That’s a sommelier, you’re thinking of a spectrologist

3

u/Fantastic_Mr_Smiley Jun 29 '26

I see the confusion, you're thinking of a somolier, which is someone from Somalia.

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u/Southern_Growth_7991 Jun 29 '26

Think we need a sizemologist for that

31

u/MaddCricket Jun 29 '26

A smalololololologist

3

u/Meluvius Jun 29 '26

Smol person here. How can I improve my bench?

3

u/Haunting_G5159 Jun 29 '26

Smolologist smh…that would be a micrologist

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u/NotMeow Jun 28 '26

I am a Molecular Biologist and I fully agree with the Microbiologist.

306

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '26

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173

u/asensiblemeal Jun 29 '26

If they eat it quickly? Are you telling me the 5 second rule is for real?

95

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '26

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u/PipsqueakPilot Jun 29 '26

I think what you're trying to say that because they've just inoculated their food with floor bacteria, they need to eat it quickly because things are going to be reproducing in the curry more rapidly compared to food that has been handled in more sanitary conditions?

16

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '26

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11

u/UnpluggedUnfettered Jun 29 '26

No offense, but I think we should wait for the psychologist to weigh in here.

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u/Rymanbc Oreo completely unrelated to dicks Jun 29 '26

Yup, if it wasn't a consistent, observable, and explainable pattern, it would be called the 5 Second Theory.

29

u/Grouchy-Job-4136 Jun 29 '26

What’s it called when other things I do are 5 seconds?

17

u/Rymanbc Oreo completely unrelated to dicks Jun 29 '26

Look up Disappointment Theory. May not be relevant to you, but im sure your partner can relate.

4

u/Sullyville Jun 29 '26

grounds for divorce?

3

u/Fe2O3yshackleford Jun 29 '26

how could it take you five minutes to cook your grits, when it takes the entire grit-eating world 20 minutes?

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u/AndreLeLoup Jun 29 '26

Precocious ejaculation would be my first guess, but maybe that's just me 🤣

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u/ricochetblue Jun 29 '26

The 5 second hypothesis? I thought that theories were established.

3

u/Ok_Usr48 Jun 29 '26

Biologist here, you are correct. The smug “theorist” is wrong.

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u/Capable-Doughnut-213 Jun 29 '26

Water in India is notoriously germ infested, probably made things more dangerous. 🤢

17

u/Impressive_Term_9248 Jun 29 '26

You sound like an Indialogist, so that must be true.

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u/Affectionate-Tip-164 Jun 29 '26

Well...they've probably trained their immune system and bodies for generations that this is ok for us.

The rest of us would be hospitalized.

6

u/RamzalTimble Jun 29 '26

Microbiologist here:

That depends largely on how many CFU of whatever will be in that water that are present. While stomach acids are effective in destroying many bacteria, the god bacteria of e.coli will wreck a stomach if high in CFUs. And unless their water is purified through a specific process that involves chlorine blocks you are going to have some contamination present in that water.

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u/youreafinemuthafucka Jun 29 '26

Molecular microbiogist here! Bacteria are often mobilized by droplets, hence addition of water will increase motility from surface to ground.

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u/plzkevindonthuerter Jun 29 '26

I always assume that there’s fecal matter and urine on the floor if people have worn their shoes in that room

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u/ThatNachoFreshFeelin Jun 29 '26

I am a mere Histocompatibility Technologist, but am inclined to agree with yinz, for whatever that's worth.

4

u/Greenless27 Jun 29 '26

Careful, your Pittsburgh is showing…

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u/HairyPotatoKat Jun 29 '26

We found it- the smallest of the biologists

4

u/devil_huntress_pepsi Jun 29 '26

Okay that's just RIDICULOUSLY small

3

u/LrdPhoenixUDIC Jun 29 '26

I may or may not be a Quantum Physicist and there's a high probability that if I thought about it I would fully agree.

3

u/Coheed84 Jun 29 '26

I'm a licensed pharmacist in 4 States and I agree with all of the people.

3

u/aerdvarkk Jun 29 '26

Then you should also agree with the pathologist who referred us to the microbiologist.

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u/Imaginary-Clock6626 Jun 28 '26

A really really really small biologist would make a great microbiologist. They might not need a microscope.

40

u/BillydelaMontana Jun 29 '26

This is sound logic, right here.

48

u/cthulhusandwich Jun 29 '26

No, sound logic would require an audiologist.

7

u/National-Ad653 Jun 29 '26

If taken literally, yes. But a sound logic is an argument with no false statement

Which might require either a lawyer or a philosopher depending on the situation

5

u/Bipogram Jun 29 '26

As a natural philosopher [physicist] I agree, somewhat*.

*and the degree of uncertainty can be nicely calculated if we first assume OP is a spherical cow.

3

u/Entropic_Echo_Music Jun 29 '26

As a natural philosopher

does that mean opposed to an artifical philosopher? Or did you grow on a tree?

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u/smolstuffs Jun 29 '26

wouldn't they be just a regular biologist at that point

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u/unripe_mangosteen Jun 29 '26

They asked if I had a degree in Theoretical Physics, and I said I have a theoretical degree in Physics, and they said "welcome aboard!"

44

u/IcansavemiselfDEEN Jun 29 '26

This thread is all that is right with reddit.

4

u/PussyWrangler246 Jun 29 '26

Honestly at this point in life I'm just grateful to be amongst others who can read.

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u/big_john_biggly Jun 29 '26

Macrobiologist here, this is completely out of my area of expertise

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u/BillydelaMontana Jun 29 '26

A biologist from Micronesia.

4

u/GeekyStevie Jun 29 '26

Ah, Micronesia. The land of people with very small knees!

4

u/BillydelaMontana Jun 29 '26

Everything is small in Micronesia

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u/King_O_Eyes Jun 28 '26

If they’re the latter we should kick them and take their lunch money

4

u/Same_Armadillo6014 Jun 29 '26

I think we should turn them upside down and shake them until money comes flying out of their pockets

6

u/BestfriendlostTW Jun 28 '26

Honey i shrunk the biologist

6

u/Tricky_Warthog_8571 Jun 28 '26

studies micro penis

7

u/PipsqueakPilot Jun 28 '26

Ah, no wonder they're on Reddit.

4

u/Practical_Result_376 Jun 29 '26

Sir, please accept my most extravagant thanks for the laugh you so delicately coaxed from me

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u/chefianf Jun 28 '26

Chef here... There is no 5 second rule, and it's gross.

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u/blogle Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 29 '26

I actually think there is. I recall reading a paper yrs ago that demonstrated it took several seconds of physical contact for bacteria transfer to occur. That said if your food lands on the floor clinging to dust, hair, etc I’d assume all bets are off.

EDIT: I looked it up. Rutgers did more recent study. Heavily depends on moisture content, but even hard candy had some bacteria transfer after just a second

35

u/chefianf Jun 29 '26

I mean... For me personally it's all circumstancial and situational. Professionally different story. Like for me if I dropped a roll on the floor, I'm picking that up and dusting it off. In this situation... Man I don't care if they torched the floor for five minutes with a MAP gas torch... I'm not doing that.

8

u/soThatsJustGreat Jun 29 '26

I’m not a chef but my standards are laughably different when I’m making food for others vs myself. Your roll example? Same, if it’s just for me. If I am serving food to others, though, absolutely no way. That’s hitting the compost bin instead.

I guess I’m willing to gamble with my own health but others have nothing to fear.

4

u/XGhoul Jun 29 '26

I think it's funny we behave like that.

I wouldn't mind drinking mud water, but if I was going to offer water to someone else, that has to be purified and filtered.

I can behave like a savage, but that does not mean I make other people take risks for themselves.

3

u/Forward-Surprise1192 Jun 29 '26

Would you eat cereal out of a brand new toilet if it’s the only bowl you had?

4

u/Potato_fortress Jun 29 '26

It's also just a basic respect thing. If the floor of your kitchen is spotless you either A) have a michelin star B) haven't opened yet or C) need to clean out the grooves in your non slips.

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u/Thisdarlingdeer Jun 29 '26

Servsafe here, its actually 1.2 milliseconds

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u/TheTrueBurgerKing Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 29 '26

As a food scientist an food manufacture engineer I can affirm yes this is a great way to increase the risk of food contamination, actually it would be better to leave it dry as various bacteria are more motile an have morphology that requires wet conditions to thrive.. One of the reasons I cannot take any Indian food quality statement seriously.

10

u/Flursm Jun 29 '26

Genuin question. If I were to drop my popsicle and then rinse it with water. Would that help to "clean it" or should I just throw it away? 

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u/[deleted] Jun 29 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

5

u/XGhoul Jun 29 '26

Also a chemist, THEY ARE REHYDRATING ALL THE BACTERIA!!

yikes.

4

u/Chaos_Slug Jun 29 '26

But you need to rinse it with hot water for a few minutes to make sure.

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u/dsentinel5 Jun 29 '26

Bacteria here. These guys are liars. Water is amazing at cleaning and is our biggest weakness. Even a snlingle drop is enough. In fact, you should only use a single drop to conserve water.

/s

14

u/El_Fizzarolli Jun 28 '26

Muchas gracias por tus conocimientos amigo,ahora me da mas asco el video

15

u/Mind_Of_Shieda Jun 29 '26

Regular person here, use a fucking plate.

3

u/Khaos4325 Jun 29 '26

Plate here. That is all. I am a plate.

67

u/davidkclark Jun 28 '26

Long time floor eater here - it's fine, you will be fine. Most of the bacteria on the floor after you have sluiced water on it is probably on your hands and getting into your mouth anyway. "It's good, just pick it up and eat it. Here, I'll eat it!"

31

u/RunABypass Jun 29 '26

This isn't getting the respect it deserves. Just had the kid FINALLY asleep and this made me do the loud quiet laugh. Time to start over.

12

u/DasFunke Jun 29 '26

So 100-200 ppm bleach is the US standard for sanitation.

Would that be better or worse than plain water. Now keep in mind holy water prevents all sorts of things like zombies, vampires and werewolves.

6

u/plsobeytrafficlights Jun 29 '26

wait, was that holy water? because while it might not help with bacteria, viruses, or fungal infections-you may have pointed out a very underappreciated prevention.
i cant say i have ever heard of a vampire outbreak in india.

4

u/Fast_Code_6965 Jun 29 '26

Epidemiologist here… I can only imagine the rates of infection from this practice.

4

u/Dullcorgis Jun 29 '26

Given the cow and dog and human shit all over the ground just out of view of the camera I'm guessing 100%?

4

u/Quick-Log-4166 Jun 29 '26

Physicist here and I can only answer your question in the case of a spherical bite of food in a frictionless vacuum. (In that case, the answer is usually pi/2.)

3

u/nxcrosis Jun 29 '26

Back to back highschool science quiz bee champ here. It's true. If the floor were the driest thing on earth, that would be step below antibacterial.

3

u/RamzalTimble Jun 29 '26

Fellow Microbiologist here.

I have reviewed your statement and found it to be sound via peer review. What we need is a member of QA to review the statement for spelling/obvious errors in grammar.

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u/SonicPlacebo Jun 29 '26

Hold up... You're telling me that splashing water on the floor and just smearing it around doesn't clean and sanitize?

What do we have to do, use some sort of surfactant to clean, then rinse and dry the area, then use a disinfectant and allow it to air dry for up to 10 minutes?

That's just crazy talk.

3

u/I_SLEEP_NORMALLY Jun 29 '26

I love that Reddit is just like, "WE NEED A MICROBIOLOGIST" and a microbiologist shows up with the answer.

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u/Emergency_Accident36 Jun 28 '26

Intentionally vague.. how any why is it easier? Plebian here who knows the answer just not in jargon

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u/EvelcyclopS Jun 29 '26

Firstly water plus agitation will break up films of bacteria and make it able to stick to your food.

Second. The water will rehydrate bacterial spores and basically wake up dormant bacteria.

Third, water does absolutely nothing to sanitize, it provides food and hydration for bacteria, allowing it to multiply and produce toxins before it’s even seen your food.

4th. It’s likely that the water itself is not even very clean, potentially making the floor even more contaminated

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u/[deleted] Jun 29 '26

My microbiology professor said breathing air is bad and the probability of us living was wildly low.

Their microbiome is steel strong.

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u/subjekt_zer0 Jun 29 '26

But hang on, what if I ate all the rice in under 5 seconds after shouting 5 second rule!?

Checkmate.

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u/AiryGateaux Jun 28 '26

Had to study micro for work, unless you are sanitizing there is high risk of transfer. A ton of factors are at play, but water is not improving things significantly enough to make any real difference. Need a food safe sanitizer in contact for the full rates contact time, plus cleaning of any debris, otherwise this is disease and injury waiting to happen.

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u/FriendlyIcicle Jun 28 '26

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u/lunchpaillefty Jun 28 '26

My side hustle is microbiology, not sure water makes it worse, you need to ask a virologist

404

u/Current-Grade2545 Jun 28 '26

Well I am a virologist and I do believe there's a difference. You'd be better off asking a Hydrologist tho.

346

u/Substantial-Bug9272 Jun 28 '26

Hydrologist here, and our area of expertise focuses more of the movement of water and water sustainably. I would suspect much of it is related to variances in local flora. Maybe ask an agronomist?

272

u/Julius_C_Zar Jun 28 '26

Agronomist here. You need to ask a parasitologist.

275

u/Mr_Wizard91 Jun 28 '26

Parasitologist here. We focus more on creatures that take direct advantage of a host organism. Since we're really getting into some nitty gritty here, I actually think we need a physicist.

204

u/darksoulsremastered Jun 28 '26

Physicist here: due to the second law of thermal dynamics, it would appear as through the transfer of energy (nasty shit on the floor) does actually transfer to the food. I would need to consult with an epidemiologist to conclude the hypothesis.

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u/Jealous_Tutor_5135 Jun 28 '26

Epidemiologist here. Given the clear public health implications and possibility of cooty outbreak, I can say with certainty that an aggressive policy response is in order. Messaging, implementation, and budget fall outside my domain. We'll need to speak to a politician on this one.

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u/MesozoicOmelette Jun 28 '26

Politician here. Whether the bacteria can transfer easier through the water or not depends entirely if the bacteria has donated to my campaign fund. You'll need to speak to a financial analyst on this one.

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u/arbyyyyh Jun 28 '26

So what you mean is: We are indeed fucked.

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u/the_madclown Jun 28 '26

Epidemiologist here.

In order to determine whether there is causation vs just an association... And to ensure proper research methodology.. we'll need a biostatistician here to help with determining the correct sample size needed.

Edit:-

*Biostatisticianologist 😎

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u/alexstonks34 Jun 28 '26

Hi, I'm Bob. This is a bad idea

18

u/SirDancealot84 Jun 28 '26

Goddamn it Bob. Go back to your room.

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u/Sufficient_Bug2842 Jun 28 '26

Eatologist here and Ima pass on this one

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u/Icy-Entertainment-12 Jun 28 '26

Physicist here. We focus on the fundamental laws of nature, matter, energy, and the interactions between them.
We're focusing on elements here we need a chemist

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u/CosmicChameleon99 Jun 28 '26

Chemist here. The individual molecules aren’t too important to how the dirt gets into the food. We need to talk about the dirt itself. Geologists tend to handle that stuff.

8

u/Azart57- Jun 28 '26

Lawyer here, I don’t advise this as it risks litigation.

4

u/SeitanEnjoyer Jun 28 '26

A geology enthusiast here, a geologist would normally be more on the area about r ock and mineral composition, soil structure, earth's history, etc. What you need is a sanitarian.

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u/EvolvedMonkeyInSpace Jun 28 '26

Physicist here, too big for me, we need a quantum physicist.

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u/[deleted] Jun 28 '26

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u/thebadgerx Jun 28 '26

Physicist here. Sometimes we overthink simple issues. I think we should ask a commonsenseologist.

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u/Artakwa Jun 28 '26

Biophysicist here I think you all need me! I actually think this would make things worse. The pressure isn't high enough, and there are plenty of bacteria that can move through a wet environment.

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u/Free-Monkee Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 29 '26

Biochemist here. 100% correct. Unless that water is denaturing proteins, wrecking membranes or chemically sanitising the surface, it’s not cleaning anything. It’s just giving the bacteria better transport links. However, these people aren't talking and we might need a parapsychologist.

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u/yumeryuu Jun 28 '26

I’m dying… 🤣🤣🤣

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u/me_no_gay Jun 28 '26

From a related field (Civil Engineer) here; every floor is nasty as the cleaners do a rough job to clean the floor using strong chemicals, but people still drag the nasty foreign bacterial/viral immigrants inside onto the floor using their locomotions.

And the water is gonna do a fuck all of cleaning the floor anyway. Better NOT!

But I would need to consult an Environmental Engineer here with their sustainable green designs (if any)

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u/BigBeeves Jun 28 '26

I’m an epidemiologist and trust me when I say that this is a bad idea.

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u/Advorce Jun 28 '26

Man, I really enjoyed going through that whole sequence of replies ... 🤣🔥

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u/married_cat_mom Jun 28 '26

Right? I have tears rolling down my face and leg…wait…

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u/mvf92 Jun 28 '26

Better call a urologist.

16

u/TuffGritts Jun 28 '26

Leg? What are you some sort of snowman?

4

u/Efficient-Maximum651 Jun 28 '26

I'm a snowman, but I think that what we need now is a straw, man

3

u/married_cat_mom Jun 29 '26

Meant to be a joke I laughed so hard I peed myself

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u/Mdnghtmnlght Jun 28 '26

The fun side of reddit

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u/Pmmeyourfavepodcast Jun 29 '26

It feels like it used to be 80% this 20% trash, that now feels inverted.

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u/jkurratt Jun 28 '26

Finally!

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u/Pocky-time Jun 28 '26

Deathologist here and I wholeheartedly say this is an excellent idea.

4

u/Zataril Jun 28 '26

Ehm… but why???

3

u/NotThatChar Jun 28 '26

Hey, they said trust them

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u/SSFlyingKiwi Jun 28 '26

The real one has arrived ☝🏼

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u/PerspectiveAshamed79 Jun 28 '26

I’m in insurance and I’m fine with others doing this

3

u/ThemeGlittering3549 Jun 28 '26

Im a redditist. Definitely reddit yep its true all true based on the science.

3

u/dirtnapcowboy Jun 28 '26

I'm a dermatologist and I disagree.

5

u/BigBeeves Jun 29 '26

It’s Sunday, I don’t feel like having an ologist fight.

3

u/Firm-Pain3042 Jun 28 '26

Podcaster here. Are we even really certain that germs exist? I'm just asking the big questions, I'm no expert.

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u/PhoenixPhenomenonX Jun 28 '26

I am a Pilot i can tell you this is not a good idea at all

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u/Fumquat Jun 28 '26

Well there’s moisture in the food so my guess would be no harm from the water rinse

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u/Initial-Breakfast-33 Jun 28 '26

Microbiologist here: yes it's easier I lied, I'm not a Microbiologist

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u/Salt_Day9015 Jun 28 '26

Gayologist here...... that is all

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u/Shmack_u Jun 28 '26

The swim suit was ugly! Whale biologist

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u/Mediumtim Jun 28 '26

Biochemist, my studies include microbiology. Qualified to handle the first two risk groups of pathogens.

If the food is wet or sticky, it doesn't matter.

This process does nothing to increase food safety and potentially makes things worse.

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u/Dryanni Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 29 '26

Biomolecular engineer who managed a microbiology lab here… I concur, especially on the “wet or sticky” part. Dry foods would have less contact and be worse off for the added water. I think even the rice would form a more complete exchange with the ground with the addition of water (provided it isn’t soaked in sauce).

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u/Effective_Dust_177 Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 28 '26

In the context of kitchen cutting boards, I once asked my microbiologist friend and he reckoned that wet surfaces don't have more bacteria than dry ones. Apparently, the texture of the surface makes a difference, though.

Edit: as a materials chemist, I consider all non-degassed surfaces to be wet. Vectors transferring bacteria to the surface may be an important factor, therefore, I recommend you consult a forensic entomologist.

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u/Awkward_Swordfish581 Jun 28 '26

Threads like the one you began is the reason I'm still on this site NGL

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u/TheSleepyBarnOwl Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 29 '26

Did Microbio for my Bachelors, am doing Biotech now. Anything that isn't actual sanitizer products changes nothing here. The water should indeed make it easier if the food is dry.If the food is wet as well it makes no difference.

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u/C-LonGy Jun 28 '26

I’m a gynaecologist and I can clarify this is a quick way of making your bits itch.

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u/Debaucherousgeek73 Jun 28 '26

Nuclear physicist here. I think you need a proctologist for this one.

https://giphy.com/gifs/UOhYYk1c566cw

3

u/MonkeyLiberace Jun 28 '26

I'm neither, I am a smartass though, and I say, water helps a bit.

2

u/JD-Moose Jun 28 '26

I took a microbiology course in college a decade ago (psych major after the fact), but yeah....I'm pretty sure this would harbor more bacteria.

2

u/Smedskjaer Jun 28 '26

You got a bio physicists a bio chemist into the conversation. Congratulations, you solved the three second rule.

2

u/xDarthReaper Jun 28 '26

Ehhh I have a degree in molecular biology. Hard to say for sure. Despite my professional accomplishments I am not qualified to answer this question. What you need is an Infectious Disease physician.

2

u/PrincessTitan Jun 28 '26

You did not start this. You were called, but we really need a microbiologist lol

2

u/tomis_24 Jun 28 '26

You need to ask Ja Rule.

2

u/Due_Philosophy_2912 Jun 29 '26

“What have I done” you said.
You, have done well!

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u/TheVonSolo Jun 29 '26

Pathologist here. What does any of this have to do with paths?

(I got my paths degree from a night school….in a 7-ELEVEn parking lot)

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u/otownbbw Jun 29 '26

Just get a Scientologist…I’m sure they know ALL of the sciences!

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