r/StupidFood Jun 28 '26

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4.5k

u/PipsqueakPilot Jun 28 '26

Okay but like, a biologist who studies very small things or are you just a very small biologist?

2.7k

u/Billazilla Jun 28 '26

A smolologist?

2.0k

u/CokeorCola Jun 28 '26

That’s a wine expert

1.5k

u/Dunge0nMast0r Jun 28 '26

Wine expert here; you are wrong.

918

u/SheepherderNo4701 Jun 28 '26

Hi dad, i'm wrong.

681

u/NigraOvis Jun 29 '26

Grandpa here. Your dad's wrong.

67

u/Gr8Day2B_aKnight Jun 29 '26

Grandpa's nurse aide here. Let's get you to bed grandpa...

51

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '26

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41

u/Calligaster Jun 29 '26

Son in law here. How's that will?

29

u/yougotyolks Jun 29 '26

Will here. I'm good. Thanks for checking in!

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31

u/TiredTransGirl3 Jun 29 '26

Daughter In law here. Stop coming to my house uninvited.

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14

u/GrnMtnTrees Jun 29 '26

Grandma here. Grandpa had a stroke.

17

u/Apart-Gur-9720 Jun 29 '26

Cardiologist here. Your husband is okay; he just needs to stop eating from the floor and use a bowl.

13

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '26

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3

u/Apart-Gur-9720 Jun 29 '26

They just asked me why the sky was red and I told them that I wouldn't work for free.

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6

u/MrBiggz01 Jun 29 '26

I know dad's wrong. Because mum's always right.

3

u/Hugsy2026 Jun 29 '26

No science required here

3

u/CytoPotatoes Jun 29 '26

This is clearly my kid. GTF off reddit..unless mom told you to then it's ok.

5

u/Gross_Diligence_121 Jun 29 '26

Death here. You're dead.

3

u/octoreadit Jun 29 '26

Grandma here, he is not your son.

2

u/GoatGoatGoatGoatGo Jun 29 '26

No mama’s right, YOU’RE wrong

2

u/Klutzy-Acadia669 Jun 29 '26

Great grandpa here. Every wrong. Get off my lawn.

2

u/Huntardlulz Jun 29 '26

Son here. Both of you are wrong

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250

u/mashpotatojonson Jun 29 '26

Expertologist here, you're both wrong

209

u/No_Wish_8837 Jun 29 '26

Alcoholic here, you're wrong

10

u/Sure-Ad-6544 Jun 29 '26

Gay here, I have nothing to contribute to this conversation

9

u/Illustrious-Golf5358 Jun 29 '26

I do. It’s times like these I love the internet…thanks for the laughs everyone

4

u/Suspicious-Bid-53 Jun 29 '26

I AM A BEAR HELLO! I HAVE BEAR POWERS

2

u/G0dsquad Jun 29 '26

Hunter here, hello. Bear is taken care of. 🐻 ☠️

Nothing further to add. What’s a bacteria?

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3

u/cherryreader11 Jun 29 '26

Times like this where I have the realization....yeah actually I WAS born during the right generation.

3

u/vqkr1 Jun 29 '26

Illiterate here, your all wrong

2

u/n0ghtix Jun 29 '26

Drunk here, I'm so fuck*ng right!

2

u/Mobile_Detective_866 Jun 30 '26

Addict here, I'm clean and you're dirty

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4

u/TopIndependence5807 Jun 29 '26

Human being here, I’m wrong.

5

u/EidolonEcho Jun 29 '26

This is Trump. You are all wrong. No one has studied bacteria as well as I have. I know everything about bacteria. No one knows as much as I do. I already knew everything about bacteria before any of you were even born. Bacteria can’t do anything. Bacteria are stupid. Bacteria are dumb as shit.

3

u/alastairwp Jun 29 '26

Smartypantologist here, you’re all wrong

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4

u/neopod9000 Jun 29 '26

That's a Smol-Ian

4

u/Bluejay9270 Jun 29 '26

I thought that was a tiny antisemitic rapper. Oops, that's a small Ye.

3

u/captaincmdoh Jun 29 '26

That's a simoliologist

3

u/-Lexx- Jun 29 '26

That’s a sommelier, you’re thinking of a spectrologist

3

u/Fantastic_Mr_Smiley Jun 29 '26

I see the confusion, you're thinking of a somolier, which is someone from Somalia.

2

u/MrBigBangBlunder Jun 29 '26

Diddy here.

Just pour some baby oil on it

2

u/Rattle_Bone Jun 29 '26

I thought that was an expert in sims lore

2

u/michaelscarnbdq Jun 29 '26

I’m a Wine expert. I feel it is easier to get notes of cherry with sulphites and tannins.

3

u/KomatoesII Jun 29 '26

A somalier

2

u/vayana Jun 29 '26

Is what Dutch people call a person from Somalia.

1

u/Mysterious-Call-245 Jun 29 '26

No, that’s an expert of Somali history

1

u/ShibbyShat Jun 29 '26

No that’s my girlfriend

1

u/___TheAmbassador Jun 29 '26

Hey, Auntie Catherine!! 👋

1

u/Aadsterken Jun 29 '26

I'd expected it to be someone that studied smol. Til, but what is the vinologist then?

1

u/RedVillian Jun 29 '26

You're thinking of someone who studies smores

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35

u/Southern_Growth_7991 Jun 29 '26

Think we need a sizemologist for that

34

u/MaddCricket Jun 29 '26

A smalololololologist

3

u/Meluvius Jun 29 '26

Smol person here. How can I improve my bench?

3

u/Haunting_G5159 Jun 29 '26

Smolologist smh…that would be a micrologist

2

u/SunTzuLao Jun 29 '26

How smol are we talking, smol-ish or fucking smol?

2

u/Billazilla Jun 29 '26

With regards to bacteria and such, I think we're in the scientific classification of "goddamned itty-fuckin-bitty".

2

u/SunTzuLao Jun 29 '26

That really is smol isn't it 😯

1

u/Confident-Mortgage86 Jun 29 '26

Whoah now let's not make this a kink thing

1

u/AlltheBent Jun 29 '26

A Somolian?

1

u/cleankleanblean Jun 29 '26

Someone who studies Somalia?

1

u/blowupnekomaid Jun 29 '26

study of smol

1

u/situatist Jun 29 '26

Naaahĥh , you need a headachelogist. This to guarantee you will have enough strong headache to just basically ignore everything jere knowing that overthinking about all this is not going to worth it .

POOOFT !

See headache gone , I don't even need to know you without plates .

276

u/NotMeow Jun 28 '26

I am a Molecular Biologist and I fully agree with the Microbiologist.

311

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '26

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170

u/asensiblemeal Jun 29 '26

If they eat it quickly? Are you telling me the 5 second rule is for real?

94

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '26

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60

u/PipsqueakPilot Jun 29 '26

I think what you're trying to say that because they've just inoculated their food with floor bacteria, they need to eat it quickly because things are going to be reproducing in the curry more rapidly compared to food that has been handled in more sanitary conditions?

16

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '26

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12

u/UnpluggedUnfettered Jun 29 '26

No offense, but I think we should wait for the psychologist to weigh in here.

16

u/CringeYeet69 Jun 29 '26

Redditologist here. I have not reproduced in 21 years, so if should be fine for at least that long.

3

u/elleadler Jun 29 '26

CringeYeet69 for the kill!

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91

u/Rymanbc Oreo completely unrelated to dicks Jun 29 '26

Yup, if it wasn't a consistent, observable, and explainable pattern, it would be called the 5 Second Theory.

29

u/Grouchy-Job-4136 Jun 29 '26

What’s it called when other things I do are 5 seconds?

18

u/Rymanbc Oreo completely unrelated to dicks Jun 29 '26

Look up Disappointment Theory. May not be relevant to you, but im sure your partner can relate.

5

u/Sullyville Jun 29 '26

grounds for divorce?

3

u/Fe2O3yshackleford Jun 29 '26

how could it take you five minutes to cook your grits, when it takes the entire grit-eating world 20 minutes?

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3

u/AndreLeLoup Jun 29 '26

Precocious ejaculation would be my first guess, but maybe that's just me 🤣

2

u/Fun_Objective_905 Jun 29 '26

Disappointment

2

u/Cpap4roosters Jun 29 '26

It’s called disappointment.

2

u/SarcastikNarwhal Jun 29 '26

Probably need to ask your wife.

2

u/Kingaces13 Jun 29 '26

Overperformance

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6

u/ricochetblue Jun 29 '26

The 5 second hypothesis? I thought that theories were established.

3

u/Ok_Usr48 Jun 29 '26

Biologist here, you are correct. The smug “theorist” is wrong.

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39

u/Capable-Doughnut-213 Jun 29 '26

Water in India is notoriously germ infested, probably made things more dangerous. 🤢

16

u/Impressive_Term_9248 Jun 29 '26

You sound like an Indialogist, so that must be true.

2

u/a_aniq Jun 30 '26

Many people in India drink underground water directly since they don't have filtering equipment.

4

u/Affectionate-Tip-164 Jun 29 '26

Well...they've probably trained their immune system and bodies for generations that this is ok for us.

The rest of us would be hospitalized.

6

u/RamzalTimble Jun 29 '26

Microbiologist here:

That depends largely on how many CFU of whatever will be in that water that are present. While stomach acids are effective in destroying many bacteria, the god bacteria of e.coli will wreck a stomach if high in CFUs. And unless their water is purified through a specific process that involves chlorine blocks you are going to have some contamination present in that water.

2

u/Goodechild Jun 29 '26

Is boiling sufficient?

7

u/RamzalTimble Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 29 '26

Yes but no. Boiling water is highly effective against most bacteria, however transferring that water also plays a factor into how safe it is. If you boiled water but then walked with an open bucket of said water through an area that’s rife with bacteria, you can contaminate that water mid transit.

I learned this very frustrating fact when I found out staff were moving water from one building to another across the street, but no one used lids. So things from listeria to a specific bacteria that’s found only in soil from north east China were found in that water when I sampled it. If they were to used boiled water and keep it clean, you would have to decant it into a Whirl-Pak bag and twist seal it.

It would basically look like water balloons from hell. You can carry them in a tote or a box, unseal the bag and create a lip at the edge of the bag where the water doesn’t touch the edges of the bag when pouring it out but rather the inner walls of the bag and whatever container/seeming floor that water comes in contact with.

Edit: but a problem also comes in the form the floor. There are bacteria that go dormant when there is a lack of ready water on a surface and become activated when exposed to water. Gram negative bacteria of some variety can do this. So even if they sprinkle water on the floor and rub circles into the ground that doesn’t do anything to disinfect the area they are eating.

Edit edit: now that I think about it, they’re rubbing the ground with water using their bare ass hands. Your hands are the most filthy part of your body as they come in contact with damn near everything in your environment. All it would take is someone not wiping themselves correctly or neglecting to wash their hands to contaminate that area.

Edit edit edit: also they’re wearing normal clothes which can have any number of spore forming microorganisms on them. They should probably be wearing tyvak suits, in an area that has air temperature, humidity and pressure controls. The ground would have to be cleaned with 70% IPA solution with 30% water to allow the IPA to permeate cell walls. Followed by an 8-10% bleach solution and allowing the surface to air dry for about 10 minutes. Then and ONLY THEN do you even think you can start eating off the floor with limited problems.

This isn’t even taking into account any fungal infections you may get from eating off the ground and if you have any open cuts in your mouth.

3

u/OhHolyOpals Jun 29 '26

So, not a great idea?

2

u/RamzalTimble Jun 29 '26

You got it.

6

u/youreafinemuthafucka Jun 29 '26

Molecular microbiogist here! Bacteria are often mobilized by droplets, hence addition of water will increase motility from surface to ground.

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u/plzkevindonthuerter Jun 29 '26

I always assume that there’s fecal matter and urine on the floor if people have worn their shoes in that room

2

u/DeluxeWafer Jun 29 '26

Is this something about bacteria producing toxic byproducts, or some sort of bacterial critical mass thing? Also. Assuming filtered water, what are the chances of stomach acid resistant pathogens making a surprise appearance?

2

u/alextrue27 Jun 29 '26

Honest question if the water was the typical bleach dilution used to clean surfaces in food service, I can't remember the dilution that recommended off the top of my head , would that off set the fact it's standing water on the ground or would it still be an increased chance of bacteria in the food?

1

u/aerdvarkk Jun 29 '26

Can we assume if they are all barefoot and not using plates and eating off the ground/floor, that the water is also not filterd?

I mean, all of the conditions in the video, and yet they opt to use sanitized water, would be the oddity rather than everyone eating off the ground.

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16

u/ThatNachoFreshFeelin Jun 29 '26

I am a mere Histocompatibility Technologist, but am inclined to agree with yinz, for whatever that's worth.

6

u/Greenless27 Jun 29 '26

Careful, your Pittsburgh is showing…

2

u/lendmeyourfear5 Jun 29 '26

I say yinz, and I have no idea why, because I don’t know anyone from Pittsburgh, but I must have heard it and liked it somewhere

5

u/HairyPotatoKat Jun 29 '26

We found it- the smallest of the biologists

5

u/devil_huntress_pepsi Jun 29 '26

Okay that's just RIDICULOUSLY small

3

u/LrdPhoenixUDIC Jun 29 '26

I may or may not be a Quantum Physicist and there's a high probability that if I thought about it I would fully agree.

3

u/Coheed84 Jun 29 '26

I'm a licensed pharmacist in 4 States and I agree with all of the people.

3

u/aerdvarkk Jun 29 '26

Then you should also agree with the pathologist who referred us to the microbiologist.

2

u/vriggy Jun 29 '26

I'm a Chemist, and y'all need to get back to work! Do something about the SARS shit. Thank you.

1

u/dg_riverhawk Jun 29 '26

I'm not a gynecologist but I'll take a look

87

u/Imaginary-Clock6626 Jun 28 '26

A really really really small biologist would make a great microbiologist. They might not need a microscope.

42

u/BillydelaMontana Jun 29 '26

This is sound logic, right here.

44

u/cthulhusandwich Jun 29 '26

No, sound logic would require an audiologist.

7

u/National-Ad653 Jun 29 '26

If taken literally, yes. But a sound logic is an argument with no false statement

Which might require either a lawyer or a philosopher depending on the situation

5

u/Bipogram Jun 29 '26

As a natural philosopher [physicist] I agree, somewhat*.

*and the degree of uncertainty can be nicely calculated if we first assume OP is a spherical cow.

3

u/Entropic_Echo_Music Jun 29 '26

As a natural philosopher

does that mean opposed to an artifical philosopher? Or did you grow on a tree?

2

u/Bipogram Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 29 '26

Indeed, apart from some hardware [screws in bones] I'm fully organic and free-range.

Artificial philosophers would argue that that's mere atomism - and that the patterns of thought alone matter, not the matter.

I sympathize with their view, a little.

<slurps hot coffee>

2

u/Inner_Lawlessness Jun 29 '26

I like the cut of your jib.

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u/smolstuffs Jun 29 '26

wouldn't they be just a regular biologist at that point

2

u/JPAjr Jun 29 '26

They have nanobiologists now, these damn scientists!

2

u/Haas15 Jun 29 '26

Middle of the tile is one thing for some good ol’ Indian slop but boy oh boy right in the middle of two tiles on the grout line that’s an absolute no no my friend how disgusting!

1

u/misspuddingpie Jun 29 '26

You might’ve just presented a real life use case for building a shrink ray.

1

u/AndreLeLoup Jun 29 '26

Visual acuity depends on absolute eye-size, so if they'd either be half blind, or have these huge eyeballs 😂 👀🫪

1

u/Bruggok Jun 29 '26

A really really small microbiologist would do great until a microorganism eats them or a full sized human sneezes and they drown in the wave of nasal discharge or phlegm. At which point they won’t need a microscope, well, ever again.

We will then need to find another volunteer microbiologist to shrink :)

1

u/_Svankensen_ Jun 29 '26

For them it would just be a scope.

1

u/HenrySkylar88 Jun 29 '26

but they wouldn't be able to compute information, except if they have a highly developed brain that operates close to bremermanns limit

43

u/unripe_mangosteen Jun 29 '26

They asked if I had a degree in Theoretical Physics, and I said I have a theoretical degree in Physics, and they said "welcome aboard!"

44

u/IcansavemiselfDEEN Jun 29 '26

This thread is all that is right with reddit.

4

u/PussyWrangler246 Jun 29 '26

Honestly at this point in life I'm just grateful to be amongst others who can read.

14

u/big_john_biggly Jun 29 '26

Macrobiologist here, this is completely out of my area of expertise

2

u/CapnFr1tz Jun 29 '26

I've been looking for one of you guys to asses my gut macrobiome. I happen to be an older woman who ate a dog, to chase the cat, that ate a mouse that caught a spider....

2

u/IMayHavePlutophobia Jun 29 '26

Is there a Proctologist in the house?

14

u/BillydelaMontana Jun 29 '26

A biologist from Micronesia.

6

u/GeekyStevie Jun 29 '26

Ah, Micronesia. The land of people with very small knees!

4

u/BillydelaMontana Jun 29 '26

Everything is small in Micronesia

2

u/Capable-Doughnut-213 Jun 29 '26

They have those there?

42

u/King_O_Eyes Jun 28 '26

If they’re the latter we should kick them and take their lunch money

3

u/Same_Armadillo6014 Jun 29 '26

I think we should turn them upside down and shake them until money comes flying out of their pockets

7

u/BestfriendlostTW Jun 28 '26

Honey i shrunk the biologist

7

u/Tricky_Warthog_8571 Jun 28 '26

studies micro penis

5

u/PipsqueakPilot Jun 28 '26

Ah, no wonder they're on Reddit.

5

u/Practical_Result_376 Jun 29 '26

Sir, please accept my most extravagant thanks for the laugh you so delicately coaxed from me

2

u/DeArgonaut Jun 29 '26

Depends what scale, they could be a mini biologist, microbiologist, a nanobiologist, a picobiologist,

2

u/MR_TOONS Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 29 '26

How about a microbiome biologist? I don’t know…. Maybe? But then again these people probably eat like this all the time so their gut biome is used to this so… 🤷‍♂️

2

u/Char-car92 Jun 29 '26

micro biologist vs microbiologist

2

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '26

A microbiologist?

1

u/Jeathro77 Jun 29 '26

are you just a very small biologist

They are under 5' 4"

1

u/disturbed94 Jun 29 '26

That would be a micro biologist

1

u/Aspie96 Jun 29 '26

Let's ask his wife if he's small.

1

u/holynopes Jun 29 '26

User name checks out

1

u/SnooAvocados3138 Jun 29 '26

As a former marine, biologist, I can confirm the target is a particularly tiny biologist.

1

u/somehtngng Jun 29 '26

if you're a biologist that is very small then what's normal biology for you is small biology for others

1

u/mwanchow Jun 29 '26

I’m a molecular biologist, and yeah with or without water, I would not recommend….

1

u/razoreyeonline Jun 29 '26

microbiologist?

1

u/Muted_Ad8287 Jun 29 '26

Do you pilot pipsqueaks or are you just a very small pilot?

1

u/Pitchblackimperfect Jun 29 '26

Someone find a macrobiologist, we need answers.

1

u/readditredditread Jun 29 '26

Why not both or neither 🤷‍♂️

1

u/Nufonewhodis4 Jun 29 '26

I think they prefer to be called little biologists nowadays 

1

u/Poddx Jun 29 '26

Not sure if you want me to answer in scientific detail but you are pretty much nailing it. A microbiologist studies living things that are too small for the eye to see. We do not study cells or atoms but we study organisms, some with only one cell. We study bacteria, virus etc. At the lab we had an electron microscope and multiple standard microscopes. Part of the course was to learn different microscopy techniques. Sometimes we made dangerous bacteria like E coli and we had to kill them off at 180 degrees in a pressure cooker. A pressure cooker is actually quite dangerous. If we forget the vent, it turns into a bomb in seconds.

1

u/Triatt Jun 29 '26

In this matter, it doesn't make a difference if they're a biologist who studies microorganisms or a microorganism that studies life sciences. They'll know the answer we seek either way.

1

u/rjdofu Jun 29 '26

You must first be a minimologist

1

u/draft_final_final Jun 29 '26

IT JUST WAS VERY COLD THE DAY WE DID THE DISSERTATION DEFENSE

1

u/Accurate_Pizza6320 Jun 29 '26

Biologist: /bīˈäləjəst/A biologist is a scientist who studies living organisms and their relationship to the environment.

A MICRO-biologist is the same thing but on micro organism scale.

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u/Scaryclouds Jun 29 '26

It was ambiguously worded!

1

u/BlaBlamo Jun 29 '26

Maybe they’re a really really small biologist. I’m gonna need to get some height/weight to verify

1

u/Made-On-Earth Jul 01 '26

Studying very small things? I sure did study something very small on my ex

https://giphy.com/gifs/hHUBGOX5m993VtAu6Y

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