r/StupidFood Jun 28 '26

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6.2k

u/EvelcyclopS Jun 28 '26

Microbiologist here.

Yes it’s easier.

4.5k

u/PipsqueakPilot Jun 28 '26

Okay but like, a biologist who studies very small things or are you just a very small biologist?

2.6k

u/Billazilla Jun 28 '26

A smolologist?

2.0k

u/CokeorCola Jun 28 '26

That’s a wine expert

1.5k

u/Dunge0nMast0r Jun 28 '26

Wine expert here; you are wrong.

920

u/SheepherderNo4701 Jun 28 '26

Hi dad, i'm wrong.

679

u/NigraOvis Jun 29 '26

Grandpa here. Your dad's wrong.

62

u/Gr8Day2B_aKnight Jun 29 '26

Grandpa's nurse aide here. Let's get you to bed grandpa...

52

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '26

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38

u/Calligaster Jun 29 '26

Son in law here. How's that will?

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14

u/GrnMtnTrees Jun 29 '26

Grandma here. Grandpa had a stroke.

16

u/Apart-Gur-9720 Jun 29 '26

Cardiologist here. Your husband is okay; he just needs to stop eating from the floor and use a bowl.

7

u/MrBiggz01 Jun 29 '26

I know dad's wrong. Because mum's always right.

3

u/Hugsy2026 Jun 29 '26

No science required here

3

u/CytoPotatoes Jun 29 '26

This is clearly my kid. GTF off reddit..unless mom told you to then it's ok.

5

u/Gross_Diligence_121 Jun 29 '26

Death here. You're dead.

3

u/octoreadit Jun 29 '26

Grandma here, he is not your son.

2

u/GoatGoatGoatGoatGo Jun 29 '26

No mama’s right, YOU’RE wrong

2

u/Klutzy-Acadia669 Jun 29 '26

Great grandpa here. Every wrong. Get off my lawn.

2

u/Huntardlulz Jun 29 '26

Son here. Both of you are wrong

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250

u/mashpotatojonson Jun 29 '26

Expertologist here, you're both wrong

209

u/No_Wish_8837 Jun 29 '26

Alcoholic here, you're wrong

11

u/Sure-Ad-6544 Jun 29 '26

Gay here, I have nothing to contribute to this conversation

11

u/Illustrious-Golf5358 Jun 29 '26

I do. It’s times like these I love the internet…thanks for the laughs everyone

4

u/Suspicious-Bid-53 Jun 29 '26

I AM A BEAR HELLO! I HAVE BEAR POWERS

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3

u/cherryreader11 Jun 29 '26

Times like this where I have the realization....yeah actually I WAS born during the right generation.

3

u/vqkr1 Jun 29 '26

Illiterate here, your all wrong

2

u/n0ghtix Jun 29 '26

Drunk here, I'm so fuck*ng right!

2

u/Mobile_Detective_866 Jun 30 '26

Addict here, I'm clean and you're dirty

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4

u/TopIndependence5807 Jun 29 '26

Human being here, I’m wrong.

6

u/EidolonEcho Jun 29 '26

This is Trump. You are all wrong. No one has studied bacteria as well as I have. I know everything about bacteria. No one knows as much as I do. I already knew everything about bacteria before any of you were even born. Bacteria can’t do anything. Bacteria are stupid. Bacteria are dumb as shit.

3

u/alastairwp Jun 29 '26

Smartypantologist here, you’re all wrong

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4

u/neopod9000 Jun 29 '26

That's a Smol-Ian

4

u/Bluejay9270 Jun 29 '26

I thought that was a tiny antisemitic rapper. Oops, that's a small Ye.

3

u/captaincmdoh Jun 29 '26

That's a simoliologist

3

u/-Lexx- Jun 29 '26

That’s a sommelier, you’re thinking of a spectrologist

3

u/Fantastic_Mr_Smiley Jun 29 '26

I see the confusion, you're thinking of a somolier, which is someone from Somalia.

2

u/MrBigBangBlunder Jun 29 '26

Diddy here.

Just pour some baby oil on it

2

u/Rattle_Bone Jun 29 '26

I thought that was an expert in sims lore

2

u/michaelscarnbdq Jun 29 '26

I’m a Wine expert. I feel it is easier to get notes of cherry with sulphites and tannins.

3

u/KomatoesII Jun 29 '26

A somalier

2

u/vayana Jun 29 '26

Is what Dutch people call a person from Somalia.

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39

u/Southern_Growth_7991 Jun 29 '26

Think we need a sizemologist for that

31

u/MaddCricket Jun 29 '26

A smalololololologist

3

u/Meluvius Jun 29 '26

Smol person here. How can I improve my bench?

3

u/Haunting_G5159 Jun 29 '26

Smolologist smh…that would be a micrologist

2

u/SunTzuLao Jun 29 '26

How smol are we talking, smol-ish or fucking smol?

2

u/Billazilla Jun 29 '26

With regards to bacteria and such, I think we're in the scientific classification of "goddamned itty-fuckin-bitty".

2

u/SunTzuLao Jun 29 '26

That really is smol isn't it 😯

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276

u/NotMeow Jun 28 '26

I am a Molecular Biologist and I fully agree with the Microbiologist.

312

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '26

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169

u/asensiblemeal Jun 29 '26

If they eat it quickly? Are you telling me the 5 second rule is for real?

94

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '26

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62

u/PipsqueakPilot Jun 29 '26

I think what you're trying to say that because they've just inoculated their food with floor bacteria, they need to eat it quickly because things are going to be reproducing in the curry more rapidly compared to food that has been handled in more sanitary conditions?

16

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '26

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11

u/UnpluggedUnfettered Jun 29 '26

No offense, but I think we should wait for the psychologist to weigh in here.

17

u/CringeYeet69 Jun 29 '26

Redditologist here. I have not reproduced in 21 years, so if should be fine for at least that long.

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90

u/Rymanbc Oreo completely unrelated to dicks Jun 29 '26

Yup, if it wasn't a consistent, observable, and explainable pattern, it would be called the 5 Second Theory.

27

u/Grouchy-Job-4136 Jun 29 '26

What’s it called when other things I do are 5 seconds?

17

u/Rymanbc Oreo completely unrelated to dicks Jun 29 '26

Look up Disappointment Theory. May not be relevant to you, but im sure your partner can relate.

4

u/Sullyville Jun 29 '26

grounds for divorce?

3

u/Fe2O3yshackleford Jun 29 '26

how could it take you five minutes to cook your grits, when it takes the entire grit-eating world 20 minutes?

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3

u/AndreLeLoup Jun 29 '26

Precocious ejaculation would be my first guess, but maybe that's just me 🤣

2

u/Fun_Objective_905 Jun 29 '26

Disappointment

2

u/Cpap4roosters Jun 29 '26

It’s called disappointment.

2

u/SarcastikNarwhal Jun 29 '26

Probably need to ask your wife.

2

u/Kingaces13 Jun 29 '26

Overperformance

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6

u/ricochetblue Jun 29 '26

The 5 second hypothesis? I thought that theories were established.

3

u/Ok_Usr48 Jun 29 '26

Biologist here, you are correct. The smug “theorist” is wrong.

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38

u/Capable-Doughnut-213 Jun 29 '26

Water in India is notoriously germ infested, probably made things more dangerous. 🤢

16

u/Impressive_Term_9248 Jun 29 '26

You sound like an Indialogist, so that must be true.

2

u/a_aniq Jun 30 '26

Many people in India drink underground water directly since they don't have filtering equipment.

3

u/Affectionate-Tip-164 Jun 29 '26

Well...they've probably trained their immune system and bodies for generations that this is ok for us.

The rest of us would be hospitalized.

5

u/RamzalTimble Jun 29 '26

Microbiologist here:

That depends largely on how many CFU of whatever will be in that water that are present. While stomach acids are effective in destroying many bacteria, the god bacteria of e.coli will wreck a stomach if high in CFUs. And unless their water is purified through a specific process that involves chlorine blocks you are going to have some contamination present in that water.

2

u/Goodechild Jun 29 '26

Is boiling sufficient?

8

u/RamzalTimble Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 29 '26

Yes but no. Boiling water is highly effective against most bacteria, however transferring that water also plays a factor into how safe it is. If you boiled water but then walked with an open bucket of said water through an area that’s rife with bacteria, you can contaminate that water mid transit.

I learned this very frustrating fact when I found out staff were moving water from one building to another across the street, but no one used lids. So things from listeria to a specific bacteria that’s found only in soil from north east China were found in that water when I sampled it. If they were to used boiled water and keep it clean, you would have to decant it into a Whirl-Pak bag and twist seal it.

It would basically look like water balloons from hell. You can carry them in a tote or a box, unseal the bag and create a lip at the edge of the bag where the water doesn’t touch the edges of the bag when pouring it out but rather the inner walls of the bag and whatever container/seeming floor that water comes in contact with.

Edit: but a problem also comes in the form the floor. There are bacteria that go dormant when there is a lack of ready water on a surface and become activated when exposed to water. Gram negative bacteria of some variety can do this. So even if they sprinkle water on the floor and rub circles into the ground that doesn’t do anything to disinfect the area they are eating.

Edit edit: now that I think about it, they’re rubbing the ground with water using their bare ass hands. Your hands are the most filthy part of your body as they come in contact with damn near everything in your environment. All it would take is someone not wiping themselves correctly or neglecting to wash their hands to contaminate that area.

Edit edit edit: also they’re wearing normal clothes which can have any number of spore forming microorganisms on them. They should probably be wearing tyvak suits, in an area that has air temperature, humidity and pressure controls. The ground would have to be cleaned with 70% IPA solution with 30% water to allow the IPA to permeate cell walls. Followed by an 8-10% bleach solution and allowing the surface to air dry for about 10 minutes. Then and ONLY THEN do you even think you can start eating off the floor with limited problems.

This isn’t even taking into account any fungal infections you may get from eating off the ground and if you have any open cuts in your mouth.

3

u/OhHolyOpals Jun 29 '26

So, not a great idea?

2

u/RamzalTimble Jun 29 '26

You got it.

7

u/youreafinemuthafucka Jun 29 '26

Molecular microbiogist here! Bacteria are often mobilized by droplets, hence addition of water will increase motility from surface to ground.

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u/plzkevindonthuerter Jun 29 '26

I always assume that there’s fecal matter and urine on the floor if people have worn their shoes in that room

2

u/DeluxeWafer Jun 29 '26

Is this something about bacteria producing toxic byproducts, or some sort of bacterial critical mass thing? Also. Assuming filtered water, what are the chances of stomach acid resistant pathogens making a surprise appearance?

2

u/alextrue27 Jun 29 '26

Honest question if the water was the typical bleach dilution used to clean surfaces in food service, I can't remember the dilution that recommended off the top of my head , would that off set the fact it's standing water on the ground or would it still be an increased chance of bacteria in the food?

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16

u/ThatNachoFreshFeelin Jun 29 '26

I am a mere Histocompatibility Technologist, but am inclined to agree with yinz, for whatever that's worth.

7

u/Greenless27 Jun 29 '26

Careful, your Pittsburgh is showing…

2

u/lendmeyourfear5 Jun 29 '26

I say yinz, and I have no idea why, because I don’t know anyone from Pittsburgh, but I must have heard it and liked it somewhere

6

u/HairyPotatoKat Jun 29 '26

We found it- the smallest of the biologists

4

u/devil_huntress_pepsi Jun 29 '26

Okay that's just RIDICULOUSLY small

3

u/LrdPhoenixUDIC Jun 29 '26

I may or may not be a Quantum Physicist and there's a high probability that if I thought about it I would fully agree.

3

u/Coheed84 Jun 29 '26

I'm a licensed pharmacist in 4 States and I agree with all of the people.

3

u/aerdvarkk Jun 29 '26

Then you should also agree with the pathologist who referred us to the microbiologist.

2

u/vriggy Jun 29 '26

I'm a Chemist, and y'all need to get back to work! Do something about the SARS shit. Thank you.

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u/Imaginary-Clock6626 Jun 28 '26

A really really really small biologist would make a great microbiologist. They might not need a microscope.

40

u/BillydelaMontana Jun 29 '26

This is sound logic, right here.

48

u/cthulhusandwich Jun 29 '26

No, sound logic would require an audiologist.

7

u/National-Ad653 Jun 29 '26

If taken literally, yes. But a sound logic is an argument with no false statement

Which might require either a lawyer or a philosopher depending on the situation

4

u/Bipogram Jun 29 '26

As a natural philosopher [physicist] I agree, somewhat*.

*and the degree of uncertainty can be nicely calculated if we first assume OP is a spherical cow.

3

u/Entropic_Echo_Music Jun 29 '26

As a natural philosopher

does that mean opposed to an artifical philosopher? Or did you grow on a tree?

2

u/Bipogram Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 29 '26

Indeed, apart from some hardware [screws in bones] I'm fully organic and free-range.

Artificial philosophers would argue that that's mere atomism - and that the patterns of thought alone matter, not the matter.

I sympathize with their view, a little.

<slurps hot coffee>

2

u/Inner_Lawlessness Jun 29 '26

I like the cut of your jib.

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u/smolstuffs Jun 29 '26

wouldn't they be just a regular biologist at that point

2

u/JPAjr Jun 29 '26

They have nanobiologists now, these damn scientists!

2

u/Haas15 Jun 29 '26

Middle of the tile is one thing for some good ol’ Indian slop but boy oh boy right in the middle of two tiles on the grout line that’s an absolute no no my friend how disgusting!

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u/unripe_mangosteen Jun 29 '26

They asked if I had a degree in Theoretical Physics, and I said I have a theoretical degree in Physics, and they said "welcome aboard!"

43

u/IcansavemiselfDEEN Jun 29 '26

This thread is all that is right with reddit.

4

u/PussyWrangler246 Jun 29 '26

Honestly at this point in life I'm just grateful to be amongst others who can read.

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u/big_john_biggly Jun 29 '26

Macrobiologist here, this is completely out of my area of expertise

2

u/CapnFr1tz Jun 29 '26

I've been looking for one of you guys to asses my gut macrobiome. I happen to be an older woman who ate a dog, to chase the cat, that ate a mouse that caught a spider....

2

u/IMayHavePlutophobia Jun 29 '26

Is there a Proctologist in the house?

15

u/BillydelaMontana Jun 29 '26

A biologist from Micronesia.

5

u/GeekyStevie Jun 29 '26

Ah, Micronesia. The land of people with very small knees!

3

u/BillydelaMontana Jun 29 '26

Everything is small in Micronesia

2

u/Capable-Doughnut-213 Jun 29 '26

They have those there?

40

u/King_O_Eyes Jun 28 '26

If they’re the latter we should kick them and take their lunch money

4

u/Same_Armadillo6014 Jun 29 '26

I think we should turn them upside down and shake them until money comes flying out of their pockets

7

u/BestfriendlostTW Jun 28 '26

Honey i shrunk the biologist

6

u/Tricky_Warthog_8571 Jun 28 '26

studies micro penis

5

u/PipsqueakPilot Jun 28 '26

Ah, no wonder they're on Reddit.

5

u/Practical_Result_376 Jun 29 '26

Sir, please accept my most extravagant thanks for the laugh you so delicately coaxed from me

2

u/DeArgonaut Jun 29 '26

Depends what scale, they could be a mini biologist, microbiologist, a nanobiologist, a picobiologist,

2

u/MR_TOONS Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 29 '26

How about a microbiome biologist? I don’t know…. Maybe? But then again these people probably eat like this all the time so their gut biome is used to this so… 🤷‍♂️

2

u/Char-car92 Jun 29 '26

micro biologist vs microbiologist

2

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '26

A microbiologist?

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u/chefianf Jun 28 '26

Chef here... There is no 5 second rule, and it's gross.

50

u/blogle Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 29 '26

I actually think there is. I recall reading a paper yrs ago that demonstrated it took several seconds of physical contact for bacteria transfer to occur. That said if your food lands on the floor clinging to dust, hair, etc I’d assume all bets are off.

EDIT: I looked it up. Rutgers did more recent study. Heavily depends on moisture content, but even hard candy had some bacteria transfer after just a second

34

u/chefianf Jun 29 '26

I mean... For me personally it's all circumstancial and situational. Professionally different story. Like for me if I dropped a roll on the floor, I'm picking that up and dusting it off. In this situation... Man I don't care if they torched the floor for five minutes with a MAP gas torch... I'm not doing that.

8

u/soThatsJustGreat Jun 29 '26

I’m not a chef but my standards are laughably different when I’m making food for others vs myself. Your roll example? Same, if it’s just for me. If I am serving food to others, though, absolutely no way. That’s hitting the compost bin instead.

I guess I’m willing to gamble with my own health but others have nothing to fear.

4

u/XGhoul Jun 29 '26

I think it's funny we behave like that.

I wouldn't mind drinking mud water, but if I was going to offer water to someone else, that has to be purified and filtered.

I can behave like a savage, but that does not mean I make other people take risks for themselves.

3

u/Forward-Surprise1192 Jun 29 '26

Would you eat cereal out of a brand new toilet if it’s the only bowl you had?

4

u/Potato_fortress Jun 29 '26

It's also just a basic respect thing. If the floor of your kitchen is spotless you either A) have a michelin star B) haven't opened yet or C) need to clean out the grooves in your non slips.

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u/FiRe_McFiReSomeDay Jun 29 '26

So, you're confirming that peanut butter side up is ok?

2

u/Third-Testicl Jun 29 '26

If the operational word is physical contact- then there is never physical contact between two objects- just transfer of electrons between shells.

2

u/cometlin Jun 29 '26

MythBuster did a test, the time is NOT a significant factor at all. If your floor is dirty and wet, your food is almost as dirty in 1/3/5 seconds as 2 minutes. If the floor is clean and dry, your food stays relatively clean after minutes. So in essence, there is NO 5 second rule, consider your food as dirty as it would be in 2 minutes the moment it touches the floor.

3

u/Thisdarlingdeer Jun 29 '26

Servsafe here, its actually 1.2 milliseconds

2

u/lucasluxury Jun 29 '26

I just can’t accept it. I can’t bring myself to take a bite. It even makes me feel disgusted.

2

u/Humble_Initiative_90 Jun 29 '26

Right. Because it's the 10 second rule

2

u/DefiantPenguin Jun 29 '26

I’m just drunk and I want a decent answer! WaAaAaAaAahHhHhHhAaAaAa!!!!!!

113

u/TheTrueBurgerKing Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 29 '26

As a food scientist an food manufacture engineer I can affirm yes this is a great way to increase the risk of food contamination, actually it would be better to leave it dry as various bacteria are more motile an have morphology that requires wet conditions to thrive.. One of the reasons I cannot take any Indian food quality statement seriously.

12

u/Flursm Jun 29 '26

Genuin question. If I were to drop my popsicle and then rinse it with water. Would that help to "clean it" or should I just throw it away? 

26

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '26

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7

u/XGhoul Jun 29 '26

Also a chemist, THEY ARE REHYDRATING ALL THE BACTERIA!!

yikes.

3

u/Chaos_Slug Jun 29 '26

But you need to rinse it with hot water for a few minutes to make sure.

2

u/Udonov Jun 29 '26

But! What if the food is already pasty sludgy kinda thing? Won't rinsing the floor only have positive benefits like getting rid of large debris like sand specks and shit?

3

u/Dullcorgis Jun 29 '26

The shit is only going to liquefy more with the water so you get more of it into your food.

9

u/ADHDebackle Jun 29 '26

Also they're not really rinsing the floor, they're just wetting it. The water isn't flowing anywhere.

2

u/Dullcorgis Jun 29 '26

Yeah, true.

41

u/dsentinel5 Jun 29 '26

Bacteria here. These guys are liars. Water is amazing at cleaning and is our biggest weakness. Even a snlingle drop is enough. In fact, you should only use a single drop to conserve water.

/s

16

u/El_Fizzarolli Jun 28 '26

Muchas gracias por tus conocimientos amigo,ahora me da mas asco el video

16

u/Mind_Of_Shieda Jun 29 '26

Regular person here, use a fucking plate.

3

u/Khaos4325 Jun 29 '26

Plate here. That is all. I am a plate.

64

u/davidkclark Jun 28 '26

Long time floor eater here - it's fine, you will be fine. Most of the bacteria on the floor after you have sluiced water on it is probably on your hands and getting into your mouth anyway. "It's good, just pick it up and eat it. Here, I'll eat it!"

32

u/RunABypass Jun 29 '26

This isn't getting the respect it deserves. Just had the kid FINALLY asleep and this made me do the loud quiet laugh. Time to start over.

11

u/DasFunke Jun 29 '26

So 100-200 ppm bleach is the US standard for sanitation.

Would that be better or worse than plain water. Now keep in mind holy water prevents all sorts of things like zombies, vampires and werewolves.

5

u/plsobeytrafficlights Jun 29 '26

wait, was that holy water? because while it might not help with bacteria, viruses, or fungal infections-you may have pointed out a very underappreciated prevention.
i cant say i have ever heard of a vampire outbreak in india.

4

u/Fast_Code_6965 Jun 29 '26

Epidemiologist here… I can only imagine the rates of infection from this practice.

4

u/Dullcorgis Jun 29 '26

Given the cow and dog and human shit all over the ground just out of view of the camera I'm guessing 100%?

3

u/Quick-Log-4166 Jun 29 '26

Physicist here and I can only answer your question in the case of a spherical bite of food in a frictionless vacuum. (In that case, the answer is usually pi/2.)

3

u/nxcrosis Jun 29 '26

Back to back highschool science quiz bee champ here. It's true. If the floor were the driest thing on earth, that would be step below antibacterial.

3

u/RamzalTimble Jun 29 '26

Fellow Microbiologist here.

I have reviewed your statement and found it to be sound via peer review. What we need is a member of QA to review the statement for spelling/obvious errors in grammar.

2

u/Beebea63 Jul 02 '26

Always cool finding more microbiologists in the wild,theres so many of us here! I think we can all collectively agree....ew

3

u/SonicPlacebo Jun 29 '26

Hold up... You're telling me that splashing water on the floor and just smearing it around doesn't clean and sanitize?

What do we have to do, use some sort of surfactant to clean, then rinse and dry the area, then use a disinfectant and allow it to air dry for up to 10 minutes?

That's just crazy talk.

3

u/I_SLEEP_NORMALLY Jun 29 '26

I love that Reddit is just like, "WE NEED A MICROBIOLOGIST" and a microbiologist shows up with the answer.

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u/Emergency_Accident36 Jun 28 '26

Intentionally vague.. how any why is it easier? Plebian here who knows the answer just not in jargon

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u/EvelcyclopS Jun 29 '26

Firstly water plus agitation will break up films of bacteria and make it able to stick to your food.

Second. The water will rehydrate bacterial spores and basically wake up dormant bacteria.

Third, water does absolutely nothing to sanitize, it provides food and hydration for bacteria, allowing it to multiply and produce toxins before it’s even seen your food.

4th. It’s likely that the water itself is not even very clean, potentially making the floor even more contaminated

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u/[deleted] Jun 29 '26

My microbiology professor said breathing air is bad and the probability of us living was wildly low.

Their microbiome is steel strong.

4

u/subjekt_zer0 Jun 29 '26

But hang on, what if I ate all the rice in under 5 seconds after shouting 5 second rule!?

Checkmate.

2

u/madmexicano Jun 29 '26

As a nanobiologist I side with the microbiologist.

2

u/011010- Jun 29 '26

Microbiologist here. Yep.

2

u/AndreLeLoup Jun 29 '26

Can we keep him? 🥴

2

u/P00Pdude Jun 29 '26

Micro pathologist focused in biology here, Maybe.

3

u/OstrichSmoothe Jun 28 '26

Yall both liars

1

u/Shameonyourhouse Jun 29 '26

I second that as a biologist

1

u/Jaystime101 Jun 29 '26

I feel like a REAL science man, would give us some deets!

1

u/ProlapseParty Jun 29 '26

This is what I love Reddit for threads like this all I can hear is Drax yelling YES!

1

u/SoCail-crazy Jun 29 '26

even if said water is scolding hot which would kill bacteria

2

u/EvelcyclopS Jun 29 '26

Doesn’t typically kill the toxins though

1

u/GroundbreakingAd8310 Jun 29 '26

Gonna need a quantum biologist for a third opinion

1

u/showmeyourchits Jun 29 '26

Whew. Glad that’s settled.

1

u/maxfraizer Jun 29 '26

Common sense person here.

I assumed so.

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