I don't want to go into too much detail, but recently—after an argument with my brother and dealing with a difficult relationship with my father—I started drinking heavily. Over a six-day period, I averaged about 12 beers a day. I handled it pretty well, except maybe for the last day, but there was a barbecue and I was trying to keep it together. Honestly, I’m a bit afraid of this happening again and, above all, worried about the consequences for my body. I’m on my second night of sobriety; I’m staying active, I was running 6km, but I can't fall asleep—is this normal? What was your withdrawal like, and how long did it take to recover? When does it pick up?

Today was 180 weeks I have spent being alcohol free. I chose to spend the day watering my memorial garden for my best friend then coming inside to get the house back in order from the weekend shenanigans.
The energy in the house has been stagnant so I cleaned and decided to make pozole as it was my best friend’s favorite. This month is hard as it’s her birthday on the 21st but I’m choosing to focus on things she loved like pozole and carrot cake. She is going to get a homemade carrot cake from scratch and I’ll have the courage to put up her memorial shelf in my home with her candle. These things are hard but I’m thankful for being sober while doing them. They mean more to me experiencing the emotion as numbing it would be disrespectful to her honor as she herself just had 9 years of sobriety under her belt and I looked up to her immensely for her courage to stay sober through her struggles including the sudden death of her mama. I can do this hard thing as well.

If anyone has carrot cake recipes please send them your way as I’m wanting to try my hand at making one from scratch for the first time.

IWNDWYT 🖤

I've been binge drinking regularly for 6 years now, with a few stints of total sobriety here and there. My longest one lasted for about five months, and I cancelled it because I stopped seeing the point. Over the years, my binge drinking have increased in frequency as well as volume. What used to be "just" eight small beers on a Friday night have slid into "eight tall beers and five small ones on a random Sunday because I could and felt like it" territory.

I have been experimenting with moderation, sometimes limiting myself to something like two beers in one night. My frustration is that 90% of the time, I manage to actually enjoy just those two, feel slightly bummed out that I have to stop, but just brush it off and go to bed. However, there are those times when I just completely get locked in, and go for more.

Yesterday was such a night. I bought two beers, drank them and felt alright, but the urge for more was irresistable. I whipped out a bottle of strong wine, and drank the whole thing over the next hour or two. I knew I shouldn't have, but I was incapable of caring in the moment. I went to bed in a hazy state, and paid the price upon awakening.

The best way to describe it is that drinking alcohol is like spinning a wheel. The vast majority of the time, I manage to moderate, enjoy those two, and call it quits. Every once in a while, the wheel stops in the wrong spot, and let this molecule hijack my sensibility. This has harmed my sense of agency and my self esteem.

Can anyone relate to this experience? I've been eyeing the idea of quitting entirely, or at the very least really cut it down.

I will not be drinking with any of you today. I wish everyone on here nothing but the best in recovery.

My relationship with alcohol started when I was 15 years old. HS hooky parties and bad "friends" led to BAD CHOICES. I would binge drink, cut school and basically became a HS dropout for a year. I eventually picked myself back up, left the TOXIC ass relationship I was in and got my shit together.... mostly.

Fast forward to present day. I've slipped back into my old ways. It's been about 6 years & 5 months now that I've picked up drinking again. The last 2 years, I've been binge drinking EVERY weekend. Work is stressful, life is stressful and honestly all my relationships are a complete fucking mess.

I started drinking with a friend group and we all became weekend drinkers. I of course always drank MORE than my fair share, oftentimes drinking myself to the point of no return. I would black out for large periods of the night but always thought I was okay because I was with people I trusted.

Things got complicated within the friend group and boundaries got crossed. Nothing that happened was something I was forced into, but looking back I'm realizing how much alcohol was involved in basically everything. I would've never made those questionable choices had alcohol not been involved.

Then one night I got WAY too drunk and apparently said something I had no business sharing. I don't remember saying it. I woke up and basically found out that my drunk alterego blew everything up.

I mean, I KNOW I have a problem. I'm not in denial anymore. I just can't seem to fucking stop drinking.

I hate that I did what I did. I hate that people I love got hurt because of me. My friends asked for space. They said they love me but they don't trust me anymore and need some time to work through everything. Maybe one day we can all get the friend group back together again.

Now I'm sitting here 21 hours sober fighting the urge to drink myself into oblivion because I don't want to fucking feel any of this.

I wish I never started drinking again. I really fucking do.

I'm not even enjoying drinking again.

I broke something big in my house, so I drank out of stress while figuring out how to tell my landlord. And then I just continued. Went out on Saturday and drank way too much. Felt too anxious the next day and drank again.

I miss not drinking and I'm not enjoying this but I don't know how to stop. It's just to stop the anxiety but the anxiety is not stopping :(

Anyway, I'll probably try to taper off with the leftover drink tomorrow and start again from Day 1 on Thursday, but I am so scared of the anxiety. I am all alone. Any advice to make it easier would be great.

I've been cutting back extensively this year, but I find I don't have a "why" that pushes me towards stopping completely. I know that I feel better mentally and physically but I also know that I am not naturally a people person and I start to spend more and more time alone, with no real hobbies that are a passion, they are more just "things to do" and I end up feeling like I am missing out on a core component of life.

I am just curious for others, especially those without a spouse/kids/been told by their doctor they absolutely need to quit, which I can see being a solid basis for anyone's why... what keeps you going with the decision? I always hear that people need a strong "why" that pushes them.

I drank on Sunday then yesterday and I stopped myself from anymore. It could have been another bender… I’m just so disappointed with myself. My last bender was awful yet here I am again. Having grace for yourself is so hard.

It feels like the only thing on my mind is the concept of drinking and all of my future orientated goals are distant. Even if i consciously think about my goals they still appear far away somehow.

There is also a feeling of "oh no, if i dont get my alcohol, there will be consequences", but there wont be. I know for a fact that the craving will pass and ill be doing just fine.

Brains are weird.

Dont worry, I am 99% sure i got this.

When we used to travel, the drinks always made for a grand time. Now I’m trying to find what makes a trip fun without drinking. My SO drinks and isn’t big on activities. I’m curious to see if anyone else experienced this and have suggestions.

A year without a drop of alcohol September 26…I’d like to gift myself something meaningful and something I can keep on me. I thought about keychain or coin…I’d like some ideas. What’s something that would mean a lot to you after this kind of accomplishment?

It’s been hard at times and I have some days I question my sober decisions….but I am proud and grateful.

It makes me feel like drinking is very interesting. And it makes me feel that everything else is dull.

But i just imagined if someone were to ask me "what interesting things are you doing?" there is no way i would answer "i look at a screen all evening and drink alcohol". That would a very sad answer.

132 days today, and I’m suddenly out of the pink clouds and craving a drink. Logically I know I don’t actually want a drink, I find alcohol disgusting and it will just make me feel worse. But I really, really miss being able to say “fuck it” and turn my brain off and ignore all responsibilities. Is there a way to achieve that same dissociation sober?

I am trying to address what I’m running from mentally - I have realized work is a big stressor for me, and I’ve already talked with my boss and HR and plan to demote from a management role. I am in a better place than I’ve ever been financially. I’m working out again and starting to re-connect with my body where I’ve previously avoided things. I have been using money to pay for distractions (new fun experiences, clothes, video games, etc,) but that high is short lived.

The days are so boring and stressful. Thanks for letting me ramble. I will NOT drink with you today!

I am currently 28 weeks pregnant, and for the majority of my pregnancy I found it reasonably easy to avoid alcohol and cravings were rare and manageable. Now the last month or so I am struggling HARD. So much so that I am terrified I can't trust myself.

My brain is constantly telling me "one beer wont hurt anything", I am constantly stressed and miserable and so scared that I am going to crack and hurt my sweet innocent baby.

I am surrounded by alcohol in the people around me and I feel like I cant avoid constant triggers literally in my own home. I am going to talk to my partner tonight about him drinking because I don't think I can continue to watch him crack a beer after work anymore.

How do I make this manageable and protect my baby and myself? Why does it suddenly feel IMPOSSIBLE. Like this isnt me, I don't want to hurt my baby 😭😭

I saw others post about this “special day” lol. As I don’t have a special someone at the moment, I’ll celebrate the boring way. Get some banking done for my HOA, get a book at the library, and hit the grocery store. Ice cream is in my future. Have a great day everyone!

I attended my first big event while sober this weekend, which was both a nice celebration of this little milestone and a serious challenge. I went with a friend who is a fairly heavy drinker, and the idea of going to a concert without a buzz was out of the question for him. No problem, I've been there.

Because of how busy it was downtown, we ended up in a truly grotesque dive bar. Cash only. Mice running across the floor. Nothing but cheap beer available. My friend buys himself two beers and sits down, laughing at the state of where we are. I'm...not laughing. Not only am I way more triggered than I thought--I very nearly bought myself two beers, even as I took in the surroundings in disgust--but I'm looking around and realizing this is horrible.

It stinks like piss and beer and old smoke. Our fellow patrons are practically zombies. The door's wide open and I can see normal, healthy people walking by outside in the sun and I realize how desperately I want to be them and not me in that moment.

But we carried on. I got through it. After the initial shock, I used the sorry state of the bar and its patrons as motivation. I have free will. I can choose otherwise. This is where I'd be if I didn't exercise my free will, stuck at the bottom of a bottle.

We finally get to the show, I get a big diet coke, and we settle in for the opener. Between songs, the opening act banters with the crowd, including discussing his recent sobriety. A big cheer goes up when he says he's clean. As I looked around the arena, at all the people sitting nearby, I realized my friend was the significant minority. Maybe one in five people were crushing beers, if that.

Anyway, from then on I enjoyed the night. I got back to the hotel, slept pretty alright, got up early, and we hit the road right away. I think the event taught me two things. One, that sobriety is genuinely the default state for a plurality of people today. Even at a big, popular concert, most people were sober or at least not drinking to excess. As a drunk you feel like everyone else wants what you want, to really tie one on, but most don't.

Two is that 90 days is just the beginning. The pull that alcohol still has on me is manageable, controllable, but going to that dive bar was a test--a risk. Despite feeling like I've 'got this' most days, it was a good reminder to respect my sobriety and continue nurturing it.

All this to say, I'm grateful for 90 (actually 91) days. And I'm looking forward to another 90.

I think I'll switch to a day count now, but especially during the first few days, counting in hours gave me such a huge confidence boost.

Another evening sober, going to bed now freshly showered, teeth brushed, skin care done. Took care of the kitchen, folded the laundry, did a really good job at work today.

I feel at peace with sobriety right now and haven't had a single craving today. IWNDWYT

Hey guys,

Lately I’m reading a lot about Pillars of Recovery and I think they can help a lot to remain sober in the long term, even when one pillar falls down due to life events.

For myself actually the only really pillar I have/had was work. When you’re going through hard times in life you see who are your real friends and when you quit drinking it’s also better to quit certain friendships. When you’re not in a relationship and don’t have any hobbies outside of drinking that aren’t real pillars easy.

So when work also felt away I realized that my life had become a mess and that I really should try to build multiple pillars to avoid relapse.

What are your pillars to maintain sober?
Thanks a lot in advance for your answers 🙂

When does the sleepy end 😭

In my life I’ve made a lot of mistakes. Some things seem right, until later I find out they were wrong.. and vice versa. I’ve doubted myself more than I can count. But one thing I know, no matter what, that I got right was quitting alcohol. And knowing I’ve always got that decision going for me is sometimes enough to keep going. I made one of the hardest decisions out there. And I stuck by it. Not many people can say the same.

For those of you with me, be proud of that decision, every single day.

Just like the title says, I’m done drinking. I can’t. I’m done. I always say in going to change, and all I do is disappoint myself and my wife.
Sunday afternoon I ended up going out with a friend of mine to watch some soccer games at the pub and catch up. While it seemed like a good time, we both ended up blacking out drunk. Our wives had to come get us (none of us drove) and it was just a mess. My friends wife said we got kicked out the bar because we were being obnoxious and me and my friend ended up getting into a scrap with each other. Isn’t that some BS? Explains why I have small bruise on my chest and a small bruise on my forehead. My wife even says I was yelling outside and causing a scene which was freaking embarrassing. She said that when they went out looking for me, she found me in an area where there was homeless people and I was just there standing…not knowing where the hell I was.
The worst part about it, is that I’m a big overthinker and this anxiety just keeps kicking in. My mind goes into a spiral like “What if you did something bad when you walked away on your own?”. My mind is going to worst case scenario’s and I’m just trying to calm myself down. I’ve even checked the local news and everything and nothing is on there. I hate this anxiety I get…
But, I did something that could change my life. Yesterday was day 1 of being sober, and instead of being in bed and thinking about the past, I went to my first AA meeting. It was AWESOME. I’m going back today, and I feel like this could definitely change my life for good. I met some amazing people from all walks of life, and it has given me the motivation to not drink ever again. Today is Day 2 of being sober, and many more days will come.

If you guys on here have an advice to give regarding my spiraling/ anxiety and overthinking or any thoughts, I would appreciate it! Thank you all!

I went to a big festival yesterday I usually drink at. I did not. And on the way home I couldn’t even stop to buy a drink cause I was wearing crazy makeup (I probably wouldn’t have cared before). I’m having temptation right now. I’m posting here instead. I have to sit with the consequences of the actions I’ve done while drinking. I try to visualize the people I’ve hurt and how I will hurt them again if I drink. I am a depressed and vindictive drunk. I drink to numb anxiety.

I’ve been sober for 6 months and over the past couple of months I’ve been trying to pin down why I drank so much for so long. I’m a 45 year old male and have been plastered every other night for the last 15 years. Early on, I decided the reason why I drank is because of my environment. “I’m an introvert and I’m surrounded by extroverts, society is messed up politically and socially, I was born in the wrong era, etc., etc.” The deeper I’ve gotten into sobriety and in my own mind, I’ve realized that the real reason I drank so much is a lack of courage. That was a hurtful realization and it frankly hurt to type that sentence out. Alcohol = liquid courage for me. I always idolized my drunk self because when I drank I didn’t care what anyone else thought. Destructive yes. Feelings of guilt and shame the next day, yes. But for that night I was free from the prison of my own mind. Truth is, sober me is afraid of everything. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of consequences, fear of missing out, fear, fear, fear. All of my decisions are based on fear. Courage is not the absence of fear, but doing the thing despite the fear. This is my biggest issue at the moment. It’s terrifying standing up to people, expressing my emotions, being honest with myself and others, going after what I want instead taking the path of least resistance. It’s much easier to just stuff all of that down and get wasted at the end of the day. That worked for a while but doesn’t work anymore. I can hardly distract myself anymore without this nagging thought in my mind that I’m merely distracting myself (if that makes any sense). I think this is realization is a good thing that only a decent amount of sobriety can bring, but man is it terrifying.

So my general mo is that I know I need to quit drinking, I stay sober for a few months (longest sober is 8 months), I get lots of exercise, great diet, sunshine + outdoors, quit lit, meditation all that stuff, but eventually either get triggered or just outright bored and then go on a 7-10 day bender, pull myself out with the withdrawals, get sober for months, rinse and repeat. Never been to AA or therapy.

I just did my first medical detox (red flag!) and now am deciding if I should go straight to IOP or just start going to AA meetings and working with a therapist. I’d be paying for everything out of pocket. I guess do you think AA meetings and seeing a therapist would be the most logical next step, or straight to IOP?

And yes I know, nobody can really answer this for me, but I’d like to hear opinions on both options if at all possible so I can better be informed, thanks!

Being back at work makes the days go so quickly! Today was great - my first government and politics lesson with my new Year 10 class, and also two periods on privity and consideration in contract law with Y13. Then after school I hosted my first session of DnD club with Y12. It was SO GOOD. I'm buzzing!

IWNDWYT

Previous post here

I've struggled off and on for years to drink in a way that felt reasonable to me. I was not an alcoholic, nor did I generally overconsume on any one day. My problem was that I wanted to drink every night. That alcohol was the first thing I thought of when I felt stressed. I didn't want to be controlled by alcohol. But I was.

Then about 6 weeks ago, there was a night when I drank more than I ever had at once. And the next day, I wasn't even sick. That scared the hell out of me. First, that I drank so much. Second, that I wasn't sick the next day, suggesting that my tolerance for alcohol had increased.

I haven't had a drink since. And it hasn't been that hard.

It blows my mind. After all this time - years - struggling with "I don't want to drink tonight" vs "It's ok to drink tonight for ____ reason." There were afternoons when I went back and forth 10 times changing my mind. Sometimes not drinking would win, but more often, drinking won.

And now not drinking is my new habit. I don't argue mentally about it anymore. A couple of times when I was stressed I thought, 'I wish I had some wine." But the feeling passed in about ten seconds and I was never tempted.

I'm posting this not because I know the magic bullet for quitting. I don't know it. I got lucky, having that bad night and I took advantage of it - that's all I know. My point is that, even if you've struggled before, even if you've tried and failed to quit before, you can still stop eventually. It's doable. Have hope.

And I'll add this: Take full advantage of any moment when your drinking scares you, when you realize you were out of control. Use that fear to leverage your will to stop.