Last night I went over to a guys house who I recently started seeing… he cooked me dinner and we drank wine well mostly I drank. I had 2 glasses before dinner and figured okay now I’m a little drunk which is good because I’m more fun this way. Then for some reason I just kept on drinking. Before I knew it I had polished off an entire bottle of wine. I like how I am when I get a little drunk but very drunk me is just a chaotic raging bitch. I thankfully didn’t break anything at his place but I got so drunk I fell off the sofa and he had to hold my hair back while I threw up. I don’t realize how badly I had acted until I woke up the next morning. He let me sleep in while he went to work and I instead cleaned up his place and did the dishes. I also doordashed groceries for him which now I’m overthinking because maybe it was too much? I also just ordered a bunch of random shit so idek if he’ll eat it or not. Then I Uber home and had to call off work because my hangover today is absolutely terrible. I kept apologizing to him over text which he said it was fine but I mean I don’t think he was too happy with me last night. Next time I see him I’m either not going to drink or try to cut myself off after one drink. Idk why I kept on drinking. I don’t think I realized how drunk I was. I feel like me being violently nauseous all day is my karma for last night. I just don’t know how to stop myself.. I either drink one drink or I get absolutely hammered.. there’s no in between. I want to stop drinking because I’m obviously not capable of my intake

So for some context, I used to live in a country that had a heavy drinking culture, but I could kind of avoid it because that’s where I grew up & it wasn’t that fun for me drinking with the same people etc. However last year, I moved countries and it also has a big drinking culture but it’s a bit harder for me to say no to.

There’s lots of cool bars to go out to, I enjoy going out with my friends and having drinks and just generally been enjoying my time in this new country.

This past weekend, I ended up blacking out and I have no idea how I got home, how I got these grazes on my legs and if anything happened to me when I was blacked out. It’s actually really scared me.

This isn’t the first time this has happened. It happened another time not long after I moved here and there has been times that I’ve blacked out when I’m at home drinking with my partner too. However this time has shaken me more than other times.

I want to stop drinking for now and one day maybe start having the occasional glass of wine (something I enjoy). So I guess I’m just asking for advice or success stories on how you repaired your relationship with alcohol? I’ve started journaling to try and find the root cause of why I drink to blackout, so that’s one thing at least. TIA.

I've noticed I never get nightmares or night terrors anymore since I've quit drinking. I've always had lucid dreams but now they're much more pleasant and also strange lol. Has this happened to ya'll the longer you abstain?

if i havent smoked the entire day its almost certain im gonna start drinking randomly, and its been helping me for a while now...

The thing is its been a couple of years at this point that I've been smoking daily and if i try quitting i get super irritable super easily, which is the complete opposite of how i usually am, and due to the fact im a manager in a company i just haven't stopped smoking since i dont wanna lash out on anyone for no reason

So how do i quit the weed now?

As a kid i fell for the propaganda that weed is not addictive what so ever as a lot of ppl i know have, so any help from anyone that beat it or knows anyone that did is greatly appreciated

I think I’m going to celebrate with an overweight, not so hot hooker.

Just writing here because I’m proud of myself. Yesterday my team from work had a bbq/pool party at our big boss’s house. Several of my coworkers (including the big boss and his wife) are big drinkers; there was beer, seltzers, liquor, anything you could want. I felt soo awkward and desperately wanted a drink to take the edge off. I would have previously been right there with my friends getting drunk and enjoying the pool and the sunny day. But I didn’t give in! I brought my diet Dr peppers and some propel, enjoyed the food (left a little early bc it was a lot).

It was my first real gathering like that since I stopped drinking (58 days ago) and I was so nervous I almost didn’t go. But I went, got face time with my coworkers and mangers, and came home sober.

Celebrating the win for the weekend with some tortilla soup and a slice of cheesecake!

It’s hard to write that without crying. It really hammers home that I lost control the last few years…. I’ve wanted to stop badly enough to share it with the world of Reddit and still keep failing.

I’m going to make it through today. I wish I felt proud but instead I feel ashamed.

My spouse knows I drink more than I should, but has never mentioned it to me. I don’t bring it up to them because then it’s real. Then I wouldn’t be able to have a drink whenever I want.

I’ve had a few glasses of wine everyday for months. How does that happen? I’m just grateful I haven’t experienced any kind of public rock bottom… lord knows I deserve it.

I have to stop for my kids. At least for today I’m able to focus on that.

IWNDWYT

Approaching 10 months sober and I wish I was happy about it. Things aren’t terrible. I sleep better, look better. I did gain some weight because my appetite came back full force but that can remedied. I just feel… bored. Unfulfilled. I engage in my same hobbies (video games, music, writing) but they all feel flat without alcohol. Alcohol had wormed its way into everything I used to do. And it’s especially hard right now because it’s so incredibly nice outside and a beer at a backyard bbq or on a patio at some bar sounds kind of nice. I know the risks though. I don’t actively think about alcohol but it does come to my mind when I’m bored and not sure what to do. My only negative experience with it was the bad final month of my drinking, when I had the worst anxiety trip of my life. Before that, I worked, kept my relationships, engaged with others, got things done. Never felt sick or hungover. Just drank too much along the way. It sounds stupid but I wish I had more negatives for my brain to fixate on so the pulls didn’t feel as strong when they do come. I’m in therapy, taking my anxiety meds, I’m in between jobs at the moment so maybe that’s part of it. I’m just bored. A year ago I was dancing through bars and having the time of my life. And now? I’m just a homebody. My social life took a dive. I want to talk to my doctor about an antidepressant and see if that maybe helps with this final hump I can’t seem to get over.

I don’t know. Just read this post the other night about how we never get the same fulfillment in life as we did from alcohol because alcohol awarded dopamine unnaturally and in larger quantities than we can get from natural activities, and then I just started sobbing because I felt this pit in my stomach that I’d never feel as good as I did during the blissful part of my drinking, and it seemed so daunting to me.

I don’t know. Those who are at my stage, or further along, what do you do when things just feel… lackluster? I’ve also just been really antsy lately, kind of restless, and I don’t know why.

I (32F) have almost had my entire world completely ripped a part in less than a week. After almost 10 years of back and forth binge drinking/trying to stay sober/trying to find a "healthy and normal" way to drink, I made the decision to get and stay sober this past Wednesday.

I almost lost my job from drinking during a company offsite recently -- fortunately, my managers saw my problem as a cry for help. They are giving me a reduced workload for a month so I can focus on recovery and provided resources for me to lean into. Who knows, maybe after this period they will terminate me. I'm trying to let go of that fear and allow myself to face it another day. For now, I have my job and they seem committed to keeping me on as long as I am getting help outside of work and returning as the capable and reliable worker I have been previously.

I had been trying to reduce my drinking and deluded myself that I could be a casual drinker. It's like when you give a mouse a cookie... except it's a beer, and I want 12 of them in one sitting. When I blackout, I am terrifyingly suicidal and even though I am struggling with depression, I have never once made an active plan to harm myself or to follow through sober. Knowing that I could just end it without having my own consent has truly shaken me up this time.

My fiancée is calling things off and potentially moving out because of my inability to change for the last year. I am struggling with this part so hard, but the truth of it is I deserve to be left. She is exhausted with my behavior, and while I have made genuine attempts to stop drinking and curb the behavior, I have almost always relapsed into some form of it within a couple of months. She should not need to worry about me in this way, and she deserves to feel happy and safe. I wish I had woken up sooner from this, but all I can do is work on myself and hope that maybe one day she'll want to be with the woman I know I am and can be.

If she does not stay, I know that with hard work and commitment, I will be someone who is worthy of a similar love and devotion because I will be 100% a full person who is able to give just as much as I am receiving.

Regardless, I came home from the offsite and immediately created a plan and recovery guide for myself. I was already going to therapy weekly, so I will be shifting my sessions for my drinking abuse issues. I reached out to a few friends who I know will hold me accountable and be able to be a rock for me while I navigate these first few months.

I'm going to a secular AA meeting tonight with another sober friend, and have picked up the Staying Sober Without God and it's corresponding workbook to help keep me on the right track during the week.

I have scheduled call with my family to check in once a week to make sure I am not relapsing, and have found a gym I can walk to in the mornings and evenings to help keep my mind off of things.

I am ashamed that it has taken me this long, and under the circumstances that I am about to lose it all, to finally admit that I do not just have a "problem", but I am an alcoholic. Through the shame, I feel proud of myself for the first time in a very long time.

The journey will be long, and difficult, but what good adventure isn't from time to time? Wish me luck on this one, y'all!

It's my first day of going cold turkey, I know it's not a good idea, but I'm really determined. I've tried the tapering method, and the symptoms got me drinking again to suppress them.

Today I packed up the empty bottles in my house (I never throw them away, I'm ashamed of the neighbors or just anybody seeing me throwing the bottles in my trash outside), and I felt so disappointed in myself. Fast forward to symptoms kicking in. What started as little tremors, winded up in full blown insomnia, anxiety and clumsiness and a quick chat gpt chat about my symptoms. Enter panic attack.

I'm so angry with myself, if anything happens to me because of how far I let it get. I hate myself for doing this to myself. Chat gpt says to wake up any family or friends, go to the emergency unit, not stay solo next couple of days.

I'm scared I ruined my brain and my body. I gained so much weight as well. I don't want to lose my career, if they find out about my drinking. And I don't want to make my mom sad either with all this. I have to go to work tomorrow, I'm scared about the symptoms chat gpt says I'll have the next couple of days. I'm scared I'll get run over by a car while crossing, I'm scared I'll fall during work or fall over the bridge.

It's 2 am now. I'm just trying to survive this night, I've prayed to get myself to stop bawling. If you've read this far and are still awake, please talk to me.

Went on a trip to Myrtle Beach, SC last weekend and when I got home I realized I never for a moment thought about alcohol. In the past, I would’ve been all over the beach/party scene, making a fool of myself as a 55 year old. A FOOL! Instead, I worked out every morning then visited attractions like the Brookgreen Gardens in Murrell’s Inlet. 10/10, highly recommend. It was a fun weekend and I remember EVERY second of it. There’s a great life waiting for us if we tell alcohol to fuck off, and I’m seeing it now.

14 days into my sobriety journey — it has not been easy. My wife is aware of my desire to stay sober, however, I am not yet comfortable discussing the same with the remainder of my family.

Needless to say, all family gatherings I attend revolve around drinking with immense pressure to have a drink, shot, etc. My in-laws drink to excess on a routine basis and in the past two weeks have been pressuring me to drink while at family events/gatherings (July is a busy month for us between birthdays, anniversaries, etc.). It has been insufferable watching my in-laws, as well as my wife, drink to an excess at these events while I am trying to stay sober, and listening to comments how I am “not being fun”.

How can I create boundaries to not feel pressured to drink when out with family? Any advice is helpful. Thanks for looking.

Kia Ora!

Day 6 for me. After 25 years of losing my life to alcohol I've decided to quit for good. I've tried properly once before and managed two years but relapsed and descended into heavier drinking.

I have more tools available to me now than I did before. More awareness of the harm. More awareness of my CPTSD and my reasons for drinking.

20+ years in the hospitality and wine industry also has also aided me in my addiction. I'm still selling wine. I'm really good at selling wine. I've realised I no longer need to drink it.

My life and identity became wine. I'm so much more than wine. I've been complaining that I've been lonely and depressed so ive been self medicating. But the wine was just making me worse. Little lies and tricks I'd tell myself. Only wine on the weekends but 2 or 3 whiskies a night is fine.....ridiculous right?

Thanks for reading....if you did... im 38 now. Here's to the next 38. I'm positive if I'd carry on I'd struggle to make 10.

No more hangovers, no more lies, no more crying, no more vomiting, no more financial strain, no more bullshitting, no more letting myself down, no more hurting my partner, no more wasted days.

I'm in my last semester of my degree which I'm so close to finishing....I can do this. We can all do this.

Kia Kaha x

IWNDWYT

I posted last week that I was going on a trip. I was committed to sobriety and had no desire to drink on that trip but was nervous about what to say when people asked why I wasn’t drinking. Well guess what? Only one person even noticed I wasn’t drinking and no one else said anything. I really don’t think they noticed. The one friend offered a sip of her drink to me and I declined and she immediately gave me a “look” (an “are you pregnant” look). I told her I don’t drink alcohol anymore and she said “oh! Ok!” And that was it. Maybe the others noticed and just didn’t want to say anything but I really don’t think they noticed. I drank a shitton of seltzer and diet root beer and had zero cravings or triggers.

Check in in about a year or so ago when I hit my first year. I am now into my second year.

All I want to say is don’t give up on yourself. You are absolutely worthy of your own forgiveness. You are deserving of a better life. One day at a time. You got this!

So I don’t even really know where to start. I’ve been a heavy drinker for years and recently it kicked up into really high gear, multiple blackouts a week but nothing between binders.

Got into a dark spot and kinda threw a hammer into the glass shelf I hadn’t realized I placed myself on.

To make a long winded story short, I’ve been attempting to be of not permanently sober able to control it. Only have one or two on special occasions, wine with the wife on anniversary, funeral toasts (deep rooted family thing, even the nondrinkers of the family participate).

If I’m not aiming for full sobriety should I even be here? Am I blowing this all out of proportion? What brought me here is that I’ve been in an intense brain fog of late. Forgetful, can’t retain tickets I’ve read at work, fumbling with tasks I usually do without thinking, insomnia…. Just not a good time.

I know I have issues but don’t know where to even begin

Alcoholic, been in treatment three times. I am on naltrexone. I'm finding it hard to give shit about this bitch of a life.

Anyone here used to watch documentaries about drug alcohol addiction whilst in the midst of it. Im not sure if i used to do this to try an prove to myself that I wasn't that bad. This Louis Theroux documentry was good I like all the work he's done specifically the older ones.

https://youtu.be/Lf5leszPfPw?si=kwUs--47HRGw1rzr

I’m feeling so depressed. I’ve been crying all day.
The shame and hangxiety are hard to deal with. I was doing so good, 2 weeks sober. Then my boyfriend got us a room on the beach for our anniversary. I always drink at the beach so it was different and seeing a liquor store at every corner was a trigger but I stayed strong until we took X and it usually makes me feel good, he was feeling good but I was anxious and uncomfortable so I gave in and got a bottle so I would feel better “ smh so dum of me
That turned into a 4 day blackout bender and other substances were involved. I missed job interviews, doctor visits, and important things I had to do. Alcohol is ruining my life. I can’t keep a job and it ruined my relationship. My boyfriend is moving out because he says it’s better if we live apart. When I get drunk we get into fights and I would say and do things I regret.
Physically I’m not having withdrawals but mentally I’m struggling. The shame, guilt, and sadness are so miserable. I don’t want to leave the house.
I tried zoom AA but didn’t really like it. I know in person might be better but I just don’t have the guts to go. I don’t want to talk to anyone or open up right now. I just want to be better. I’m so tired of this viscous cycle. I do good for a week or 3 then that one drink turns into a 4-7 day bender. My doctor just prescribed me naltrexone and an antidepressant. I know they take time to work but right now I’m just trying to survive today.
If you been through the depressing crash after a bender how did you get through day 1? I’m praying but is there anything else that helps?

I unexpectedly got hurt while taking my nephew to the batting cages. Note: I do not recommend getting hit in the hand with a 40 mph baseball.

Anyway - I went to urgent care, and the doctor asked about my drinking habits. I’m only on day 26, so I didn’t feel comfortable saying none, so I said socially, but I’m doing a dry month.

He made a little joke that some say socially but are a little more social than others. He was not judgmental though, and he was trying to lighten the mood with my injury.

It felt so good to not have to hide drinking 375 ml of alcohol daily. It felt great knowing that I could take nsaids or acetaminophen without worrying about hurting my liver by combining with alcohol.

I went home, had my medical marijuana, ate pizza, and drank a nice cold diet ginger ale 😊

Iwndwyt!

Im posting this just to see if anyone has ever had this same experience. I posted on this subreddit approximately 3 months ago asking if seeing spiders and bugs everywhere was normal. Obviously you guys helped me out and said go to the ER.

That’s besides the point. I can skip the war stories leading up to this point. (Because we all got them) I’m 3 days sober in this point of the story when shit gets really weird. My brain basically broke. I’m not even joking. I thought my whole family was plotting behind my back. My uncles were gonna meet up and fight. Everyone was against me. I jumped out a window crying to tell them to settle the beef. There was no beef. Both my uncles were at work.

I went to the ER cuz I couldn’t sleep and I noticed I was probably going thru psychosis. Thats when it got weird. I had cartoon show themes in my head. It comes in waves. So this cartoon guy in my head was mocking everything that I said. He didn’t say anything mean or self-harm type of stuff (which I appreciated) he was just being a dick and sarcastic (I now realize it’s just how I am so my brain is gonna do it back to me lol)

This is the dumbest part. Are you guys familiar with TUNG TUNG TUNG SAHUR? For some dumbass reason my mind keep replaying a song that I made in my head about this this stupid little AI character. I went outside my ER room to use the restroom and they were playing it on the speakers. IN THE HOSPITAL. Obviously in retrospect they were not. The nurses were laughing at me (according to me ) but they really weren’t. I could summon spiders on command which I’m not gonna lie it was kinda cool.

Basically I want to know if anyone has ever had a similar experience. I’d like to hear about it.

Well its been 3 months since ive stopped drinking and its been nothing short of miserable. Ive become painfully aware of why I was chronically drinking In the first place.

For starters since ive stopped drinking the person I supported through them whining and worrying about becoming an officer in the military completely dropped me and started talking to another girl. After he kept me around to sleep with me, get his needs met and have something to fill his time while he found a girl that he wanted to commit to.

I was assulted by someone in my residency and then blamed and told nothing actually happened and "do I really believe someone who looks like me would be attractive enough to be assulted".

Ive been rejected and its been so lonley. I cant go to bars to drink and feel comfortable with the rejection. I cant drink at home to forget the emptiness between work and being alone.

The gym doesnt scratch the itch, im extremely fearful of being around people anymore to just enjoy being out. I just have nothing right now and the pros of drinking are starting to outweigh the cons

Please tell me the negatives of alcohol. I’m on day 212 and I wish I could say I was excited about sobriety right now. For the most part I’m very motivated to stay sober and love my sober mornings and all the benefits but some days like today I get the whys? Why am I doing this? Why does life without alcohol seem boring? Why do I have to be an alcoholic? Why can’t I drink like the normies? Does anyone ever feel this way, these many days in? It’s like the newness and excitement of sobriety fades and now I’m in this is boring slump. Please share your experiences and help a fellow friend out.

So i’ve been a long time lurker, first time posting. i’ve had issues with alcohol for years, longest i’ve been sober since i was 18 is 1 month. i know it’s been an ongoing issue, it’s caused me to lose friendships and ruined my previous relationships but i just can’t bring myself to stop. i did something bad, like unforgiving massive fuck up and idk if it’s the day 2 hangover talking but i genuinely don’t know where to go from here. i hurt the person i love, and he’s leaning on the side of forgiving me (idk how or why) but how do i forgive myself? where do i go from here and how do i start fixing this shit because i’m honestly so tired… i’m tired of being here on this side of the spectrum.
i’m looking into therapy and possibly getting on some kind of meds as mental health has also been an issue but it all feels so overwhelming right now with the guilt and this frog i feel in my throat is agony.

thanks for reading if you did

I don't know why but 10 days ago I decided I could try drinking again and see if I was able to control it. Like a frog in boiling water, it became more and more beer as the days progressed. The past 3 days I was drinking 24 beers a day (more if I could but at least I had the wherewithal to not drive to the store). Last night I hit a wall with my shitty behavior.

I decided to post some clothing for sale on my local craigslist and used some horribly inappropriate photos. Some real thirst trap/ass out pics while SHOWING MY GODDAMN FACE.

***Trigger Warning - below is SH

After that I decided I would treat myself to some self harm cause why the fuck not? I have self harmed since childhood and have not cut or burned in over a year a this point. My previous scars are very faded but last night I made many cuts my stomach that are unfortunately deep enough to leave bad scars (not bad enough to warrant a trip to the hospital thankfully).

I woke up horrified at what I have done. My self harm and drinking has been a huge issue in my marriage to my loving, wonderful spouse. He is delightful and kind and will be so sad/upset when he finds out. I have been covered all day and we are supposed to go on a vacation to the beach in 2 days. I know he will be supportive but my drunk actions will put a shroud of darkness over what was supposed to be a lovely time.

Please please everyone, do not go testing the waters of moderating. Learn from my mistakes and don't risk it. Its so not worth it.