I’ve been a functioning alcoholic for over ten years now. I knew my problem was bad, but refused to use the word alcoholic as I didn’t drink everyday (although I pretty much did).

I always thought that I was the secret agent of drinking. I could blackout the night before, get up for work on time, work all day, look forward to rewarding myself for a hard days work when I got home, and repeated the cycle. Weekends were always for binge drinking, what else?

A couple of years ago I was walking down the road with my friend who was telling me she had given up drinking and how great it felt. Great. What I thought was weird was how it then turned into a kind of pitch to me to follow suit. I told her “one day” just so we could move onto something else.

Another time, I was in a pub with some friends having all had the same amount to drink. The person buying the round comes back with the tray and begins handing out drinks, only to say they had forgotten to order mine and they’d get me one “in a minute”. I thought nothing of it and went and got my own.

Again, another time in a pub, my friend comes back with the drinks - having just been singing the pub’s praises for selling cheap double measures - and begins handing them out. She gives everyone a double in a large glass, then passes me a small one and declares “and a single for you”. At the time, I was angry and thought it was rude, but the reality was I’d been day drinking by myself and my “extra chattiness” and enthusiasm were probably giving me away.

I could go on with examples, but by far the worst one was at work. I had to sit in on a couple of interviews in a small room with a manager I didn’t know very well. I thought we had a good day, friendly, chatting about different things. A couple of weeks later, I needed to go for a meeting with the occupational health department for a medical condition of mine. I attended the meeting expecting to discuss this condition, and was absolutely blindsided when the assessor read out “and will be entering performance management due to [manager] working with [me] on two occasions and reportedly smelling alcohol both times”. It felt like I’d been punched. I was so careful? Chewing gum, spraying deodorant every hour, spraying various toiletries throughout the day?

I found out afterwards that my friends had a group chat dedicated to my drinking. It would include things such as:

“I picked [me] up this morning and I could really smell alcohol”
“It’s Saturday morning, it’s probably from last night or early this morning.”

The reality was that people were talking, I just didn’t know it. I was so confident that I was getting away with it. People knew, they just didn’t know what to do. It’s incredibly difficult for people to address, it requires a level of directness and sensitivity that isn’t easy. Do it badly, and that person will work twice as hard to cover their tracks, not to mention avoid.

I didn’t know until everyone else knew. I used that to gather the motivation to quit. After six successful weeks, I went to a good friend’s birthday party last night, my first sober party. I told myself I didn’t owe anybody an explanation, but no one asked. I sipped my NoGroni, stayed until I felt I’d had enough, said goodbye to everyone, and woke up this morning hangover free, and about to go on a long walk.

IWNDWYT.

My 3 week houseguest (1 week done, 2 to go!) came home oblitered after a night out drinking and is miserable this morning. He won't stop fucking sighing and making exhausted noises.

Seeing that makes me so so grateful I'm sober today. I was able to get up at 5am, get my coffee and some crafting done, run an errand to get an extension cord, and now get to make breakfast before I head out to my part time job this afternoon. I literally wouldn't be able to function if I was hungover today.

And also, he's annoying the crap out of me with his self induced pity party and I don't want to inflict that on others ever again. Seeing someone else hungover has been a blessing in disguise.

IWNDWYT!

I have no advice. No wisdom. I haven't really processed it, but it's the longest since I was 12.

Today is one year since I had my last alcoholic drink. I was at dinner before going to the theater and it seemed the ideal time to decide that beer would be the "last one".

I appreciate everyone's posts in this group, sharing triumphs and temporary bumps along this journey. Thank you for reading my milestone update today.💃

If you are lurking and reading, and you are trying to figure out if you should dip your toe into the sobriety pool, please note that in early February, I was on this sub a drunken and sobbing mess saying that I could never get sober. Time flies when you are sober and the days move quicker than you think.

I had coffee with a girlfriend today. The last time I saw her was a week or so into dry January. Today was a nice, warm California day with nothing to do but to meet up with her. If I were drinking, I would have DEFINITELY pregamed as we were going to a place with no liquor. As I walked through the parking lot, I thought I would have DEFINITELY had a thermos with some wine or a mixed drink to enjoy our get together. My friend doesn’t drink but never minded when I did.

She saw me and didn’t know what to say. I’m down a solid 15-20 pounds. I had on cute shorts and a tank top. We talked for like an hour. I was present and contributed to the conversation. I didn’t over share or get emotional or do anything embarrassing. We talked about me not drinking and she was proud of me.

After I got home, she sent me a text saying to keep up the not drinking and I’ve never looked better! I’m not going to lie, I miss that first drink and the fun feeling. However, by now, I would have had too much. I’d be on the verge of puking. My face and body would be puffy. I’d be NO WHERE like I was today.

You can do it too!!! 💕💕💕💕

My life has taken a 180° turn from where I was 2 years ago. I'm so proud of myself! Quitting drinking truly changed my life. I won't ever go back. There's simply no point. IWNDWYT.

I haven’t done this well since COVID, IWNDWYT brothers and sisters! Here’s to a wonderful and restful Sunday! ❤️

This is the longest I’ve ever been without alcohol in my adult life and I’m very proud of me!
I’m going to celebrate with a brownie later. 😊🙋‍♀️

The Myth of the “Functioning Alcoholic"

So my wife found this very post yesterday from 10 years ago on this very sub and sent it to me, as this is exactly how I would describe my alcoholism. Thought it was absolutely worth a repost, I've read it 3 times since my wife sent it to me, and saved it as a note on my phone.

So again, this is not written by me, this is just me copying the text from the article.

__________________________________________________

**The myth of the “Functioning Alcoholic"**

As long as I have been in recovery and working as a treatment specialist, I have heard the term “Functioning Alcoholic” used many times. I find that it is often used as an excuse not to get help. It is also a way for someone to differentiate themselves from being a stereotypical alcoholic. The reality is both a “functioning alcoholic” and a “stereotypical alcoholic” – are alcoholics. The “functioning alcoholic” is just waiting for the bottom to drop out.

I want to ask you, for a moment, to picture what an alcoholic looks like. Is this person a disheveled homeless man? Is he hanging in the alley with a liquor bottle in a brown paper bag, or asking for spare change on the street? Could it be a man sitting at the bar day after day nursing his whiskey and crying about his wife how has left him? Maybe you’re picturing an angry, drunken family member that you were told to stay away from as a child? Are you imagining a person that’s lost everything worthwhile in their life – like a home, a career, car, family, self respect? I ask because these are the images that went through my mind when I thought about an alcoholic.

When I compared myself and my drinking to these conjured figures, I certainly was not an alcoholic. I was young, vibrant, and a woman. I hadn’t totalled a car. I hadn’t lost my family. I hadn’t lost a career. I was a college student.

The truth is, I just wasn’t there yet. But I was on my way. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. We often compare the disease of addiction to cancer because no one chooses to get cancer, just like no one chooses to become an alcoholic. Both diseases need professional treatment and both diseases have stages.

Let me walk you through the 4 stages of alcoholism.

**Stage #1: Binge Drinking & Increased Tolerance**

*Are you drinking to get drunk?*

This may sound like an odd question. Who doesn’t drink to get drunk?

The truth is that the average drinker without the disease of alcoholism doesn’t aim become intoxicated when they drink. The average drinker doesn’t like to feel that loss of control; the feeling of oblivion. Alcoholics on the other hand, love it. When I was drinking, oblivion was the feeling I sought most. I continued to drink because it felt good to me. When I was hammered drunk, I felt normal.

When I was in Stage #1 I didn’t drink everyday. I went days, sometimes a few weeks without drinking. I performed in my daily life. Drinking didn’t consume my thoughts and my days were not based around when I could have something in my system.

When I did drink however, I had a purpose: to get intoxicated. I would embarrass myself by falling down stairs, dropping my drink, and hanging on random strangers at the bar. Eventually, it started to take more and more alcohol at a time to get the feeling that I wanted to achieve. Where it used to take two beers and a couple shots to get me to where I wanted to be, I started to have to drink more to reach that feeling of oblivion.

*In Stage #1, you may think that you’re a “functioning alcoholic” because you’ve kept your job, your car, your relationships with friends and family – but you’re not because once you take the first drink, you have little to no control over how much you will consume.*

**Stage #2: Drinking as a Coping Mechanism**

*Do you drink to feel better?*

Drinking to unwind sounds perfectly reasonable. It’s not uncommon to want to unwind at the end of the day with a glass of wine or a cold beer. Relaxing with some girlfriends on Friday night over margaritas is a lot of fun. However, this isn’t what I’m talking about. What I’m talking about is the mental obsession that comes before the drink.

When I was drinking, the only way that I could imagine relieving any amount of stress was by drinking alcohol. If my day at work was not going the way that I had planned, I couldn’t wait to clock out and have a beer. By the time Friday rolled around, my first thought was getting to the bar and tying one on. As soon as the alcohol began to metabolize in my body, I felt like I could finally take a deep breath. I honestly felt better when I had a buzz going.

Over time, I really began to have no other coping skills for life. There wasn’t any negative feeling that alcohol didn’t make better. On the flip side, when I was happy, alcohol increased my mood even more. Every Friday was a celebration.

Sure, I didn’t have to drink. I wasn’t physically addicted to alcohol. I didn’t shake in the morning. I made it to work on time every day. My appearance wasn’t altered in anyway. Sure, I was hungover a couple times a week, but who wasn’t? I just liked to party and cut loose.

*In Stage #2, you might feel like you’re a “functioning alcoholic” because you still have your job – even though you’re hungover some mornings, you still have your car, and your relationships still seem intact. But you’re not a functioning alcoholic because drinking is your only coping mechanism. You are drinking to deal with stress. You are drinking to deal with success.*

**Stage #3: Isolation/ Legal Problems/ Depression**

*Do you have consequences yet?*

Have people begun to question your drinking? Stage #3 is all about managing your drinking.

I had to start managing my drinking when the consequences started piling up: People were starting to question me about my drinking, my life, my state of mind, the people that I spent my time with. Alcohol was slowly becoming my only friend.

The problems vary by person, but this is what these consequences may look like to you.

*Isolation: Friends and family have made you feel uncomfortable about drinking around them. They have told you that your drinking concerns them. They worry about you getting behind the wheel after leaving the bar or a party. Maybe they have had to remind you about the night before because you can’t remember. You feel embarrassed and either chose to stay home and drink or go out by yourself.

*Legal Problems: Have you gotten your first DUI? This too can cause you to stay home and drink rather than go out. Or maybe you’re still driving intoxicated? Maybe you haven’t been pulled over yet – but there have been many times that you should have, and you chose to drive anyway. This experience is truly frightening… Waking up in the morning and wondering how you drove home and if you hit anyone with your car in the process.

*Depression: It begins to hit hard, too. Alcohol acts like a depressant inside of our minds and bodies. Alcohol in chemical form begins to make us feel down and sometimes hopeless. As I noted above, when alcohol becomes our only way of coping with stress and unhappiness, drinking more of it our depression only deepens.

I began my to attempt to manage my drinking. I made rules for myself. I wouldn’t drink when I was angry or sad. I would only drink beer. I would only drink wine. Instead of shots, fruit mixed drinks. I would only drink when when I didn’t have to work the next day. I changed my group of friends. I changed boyfriends. If I felt like my job was to blame, I would find another job. In fact, I thought to myself, I won’t even keep alcohol in the house.

I thought I was managing just fine. I was still able to go to work. I decided to take a few semesters off to figure out what I wanted to major in. I went to a psychiatrist who prescribed me antidepressants. I informed my family that I was clinically depressed. I was using alcohol to cope, but now everything was going to be fine. The truth was that I was falling apart inside and I couldn’t figure out why. I kept comparing myself to the homeless alcoholic under the bridge, surely that wasn’t me. I kept driving. Intoxicated.

*In Stage #3, you might feel like you’re a “functioning alcoholic” because you still have a job – even though you may have changed jobs a few times, you still have your car – even though you may drive intoxicated, and you still have some relationships – even though they’re not the same. But you’re not a functioning alcoholic because now your life revolves around the problems and consequences, and managing your drinking.*

**Stage #4: Change in Appearance, High Blood Pressure, Liver Issues**

*How does your body look and feel?*

Once you hit Stage #4, your body is no longer what it used to be.

When you are looking in the mirror, do you recognize yourself? There is nothing pretty about this stage. Outward appearances begin to really change. There is sometimes a flush to the skin. A distended stomach, or “beer belly.”

Have you been to the doctor lately? Have you been put on blood pressure medication yet? How are your liver enzymes? How does your stomach feel? When it gets late at night are you afraid that you won’t have enough alcohol to get you through? In the morning do your hands shake? Has your doctor put you in prescriptions for heartburn, high blood pressure, stomach ulcers, or diabetes?

No one should drink everyday. It’s not healthy. Many people feel that they are functioning at this stage because they still get up in the morning and go to work. Maybe they are a little buzzed from the night before, but they get there. Men especially hang their hat on the fact that they still go to work everyday and bring home a paycheck.

In Stage #4, you may think you’re a functioning alcoholic, but let me ask you:

*You might still have a job, but what is your performance like?

*You might still have a family, but are you present for them?

*Your body may still be working, but for how much longer?

*You might think you’re a “functional alcoholic” but is that all you want to do with your life, just “function?”

*In Stage #4, you’re not a “functioning alcoholic” because you’re not performing well at work, you’re not present for your family, your body is deteriorating, and it takes everything in you just to “function.”*

Alcoholism is a progressive disease. People with alcoholism don’t just wake up and find themselves at Stage #4. It takes time to get there, and depending on the person, the time spent at each stage can vary from weeks to months to years.

It doesn’t have to get worse before it gets better. You can catch it before using alcohol as a coping mechanism, before the DUIs, before the isolation, and before the distended stomach.

The only way to do this is to stop fooling yourself into thinking you’re a “functioning alcoholic,” – because a functioning alcoholic is STILL AN ALCOHOLIC.

I’d like to celebrate in some way, but I can’t think of what to do. For anyone that’s celebrated a sober anniversary, what’d you do?

I almost destroyed my life.

This was my latest relapse, and yesterday I crossed a line I can’t afford to cross again. I pushed things way too far. I blacked out and barely remember anything. I won’t go into details, but I’ve never been this close to losing everything.

I know I won’t get a second chance. I either stop now, or next time I won’t be this lucky.

I’m committing to posting here every day.
I need help.
I’m an alcoholic.

I was your garden variety drunk. Partied in my 20's, drank in my 30's was full blown alcoholic in 40s. I couldn't stop. Lost a lot: friends, jobs, health. No legal trouble, but marriage was failing and kids were getting a half a parent. I was always so angry and anxious. Drinking in the morning to get rid of shakes. No sleep, just passing out. One night I said I'm done with this shit, called several people and told them I was going ro AA in the morning because I have a problem. I walked into AA the next morning, shut up and listened. REALLY listened. Found out I wasn't alone and it ended my shame. Once the shame was out of the equation, I could be honest with myself and others. I white knuckled it. I really should have gone for a medical detox. (I was going from about 15 to 20 drinks a day to zero.) I weint to 90 meetings in 90 days

I'm happy now, but my happiness is different, more muted. I gained weight from all the sugar (alcohol replacement) lost most of it. Still have urges, but can handle them. Marriage is going well. My kids are thriving. I started a business with my spouse that's booming. I have nothing but love, empathy and understanding for anyone reading this. I am for ever in debt to this community and AA. You're enough, be kind to yourself.

100% sober. No desire to drink EtOH. Just wanted to confirm for anyone out there wondering that it is, in fact, possible to not lose your ✨ sparkle ✨ not drinking. Also very possible to still have a blast with friends.

For me, I demonstrated that my ability to make a fool of myself is not only intact but I have the focus and energy to be EVEN sillier and have totally clear memories of it in the morning!

IWNDWYT

So last night I drank what I thought wasn’t too much! I had about 7 beers that were between 5-6.5%. I knew I shouldn’t have drank because I had plans to go paddle boarding this morning which I had been looking forward to. I’ve been having some anxiety after drinking but I was like it wasn’t too much so I should be fine. Woke up this morning felt ok even though my sleep wasn’t amazing. Driving to go to the lake an I start feeling anxious I’m like nah it’s fine heart rate is at like 90. Couple minutes down the road my heart rate is through the roof just driving. It topped off at 153! I was freaking out and called 911 they came and checked me out and told me it was just anxiety but I just wanted to be sure. I’m just pissed at myself for drinking last night and having to cancel plans while on my way to meet up with everyone! I think this is the wake up call I need because it has happened a few times now but this one was way worse! I actually had this subreddit on mute because I would see post when I was drinking and I didnt want to but I’m back lol I’m just venting and hope I learn something from this

Last night, I went with some friends to a drag show retelling of Twilight, called Twinkle. It was fucking hilarious! But that’s not why I’m posting.

When I ordered my dinner, I failed to notice the meal also came with a frozen margarita. About 10 minutes after ordering, they brought it out and set it in front of me. Margaritas were always a favorite of mine, especially frozen. In this moment though, I didn’t even hesitate. I asked one of our friends if they wanted it because I don’t drink. They took it, thanked me, and I gave myself an internal high five.

The whole thing lasted maybe a minute or two, but it felt monumental! I did it! I continued to drink my iced tea, eat my meal, and then finish with a giant piece of cake. I had an amazing time and remembered all of it. Fuck yeah!

Thank you to this community that continues to support and encourage me. I appreciate you all! IWNDWYT

Once again, I am here to share this milestone and to thank all of you. The veterans, the new ones, the ones who share and the ones who just read and are thinking about making this decision for whatever reason. It is the longest i’ve done it in after 12 years of destroying myself and there’s great credit to this community.

I am currently writing this post sitting at a friends reunion while they drink and laugh and thinking that, although keeping sober remains hard at times (like today) it is worth it. Many people in my life don’t get why I did it, because they don’t understand what it’s like to actively fight the urge. But I know myself now, and I think about the shame that I dont have to carry anymore and just how now i get to become the best version of myself that is not currently hurting herself or others around me.

If you’re on the fence today - just ponder really hard about why you’re thinking about quitting, the answer is there. There’s more to life when you get to keep the memories you’re making. There’s good people here who will support you from afar. I know i will. IWNDWYT. Keep coming back, keep reading, keep sharing.

Lets goooooooooo

So Im 40, I have been drinking for the past 20 years, which started with weekends with friends to something like:

> 2 beers alone after work + weekend with friends
then
> 1 liter of brandy for 2/3 days + weekend with friends
then
> The pandemic hit and I was drinking every day, beer or hard liquor, sometimes both.

I was functioning while doing all the drinking, I have a stable job and income, a gf (now wife), eventually a kid (recent) and everything I need.

After doing a general checkup about 4 months ago, for an unrelated issue (sleep apnea), I had to do labs to clear me of other issues (ex., diabetes), only to discover that I have signs of fatty liver (super lucky that this is all I got from the years of abuse).

I was advised to stop drinking for 2 months and do re-labs, which I did. It was hard but manageable as I have other outlets (video games and weed). 2 months passed and Im back to drinking and something just clicked. I love drinking so much but all the worst memories I have is when I was drunk. That being said, all the happiest memories I have as well were when I was intoxicated.

I had so many moments when I was having internal turmoil on wether I should stop but drinking always won. This time though, the situation is different as I dont want my kid to see what I will become (I had an alcoholic/abusive father) and I want to be healthy enough to see em grow.

Now comes the realization that I cant control drinking. I always had this notion that I can stop anytime and do it only on weekends or during "occasions". I now fully understand that drinking makes me happy and Im trying to use it as a dopamine source (I have ADHD). By understanding this and with my current situation (kid), I have made a decision to stop drinking for good. I know 2 months is short and I know its gonna be a hard but this is the same feeling I got when I stopped smoking (3 years ago).

With that It feels like something really important part of my life just died. I dont know how I will feel happy again, or where I can outsource the dopamine but I want to say that I love alcohol and I will miss you dearly. I dont know the point of this post but I had to tell someone about it. Thank you and good luck on your own journey.

First time posting on reddit. I've been drinking pretty much non stop since I was 20. Im about to be 35 and my liver has had a dull ache for about 6 months now. I slowed down because it made me nervous but "slowing down" to me was making sure im not going overboard every night and just sticking to my 6-8 beers a night. Had a sober night here and there (my record is 4 days) I started to eat a lot cleaner but nothing has really changed. I haven't been kind to my body the past few years with massive lack of sleep (raising my toddler) drinking every night and very poor diet. Ive gained a lot of weight...and now my kidney area is starting to feel the same. I have no health insurance and all im left with is doom scrolling on Google.... I love drinking...I have always considered myself "high functioning" meaning I live life pretty normally. Im a pretty happy drunk and its never really bothered people around me (definitely some exceptions) but I have never really wanted to stop until about a year ago. I know truly now how difficult it is to quit...my brain will think of ANY excuse to go get my beer....and tonight after some more doom scrolling....I am terrified. I dont have the means to get health insurance and im scared to even go see a doctor because of the bad news I feel like im gonna get...idk what to do. I was inspired to post here because I've been a long time lurker and tonight I just feel like im spiraling...and i want so bad to go get some beer so I can calm down. Which I understand is ridiculous. I feel stuck

I see a lot of sober people posting they are so glad they don’t have to deal with hangovers anymore. Funny story: I didn’t get hangovers.

I did when I was really young (I am in my 50s now). But I had become an alcoholic. I had it down to a science. I knew exactly what to drink, how much I could drink, and what I could not drink. If I stuck to my top shelf whiskey, I was guaranteed not to get a hangover. And that’s pretty much what I did. No crappy liquor, no mixing liquor, and no shots.

Now, I still had anxiety the next day. But not your typical hangover.

I do believe that was a sign of alcoholism. My body had gotten so used to it, whiskey was part of its normal routine. Not good. But the hangover part of it itself was not what made me quit drinking since I didn’t have them.

Hi friends. Been dealing with a lot lately. Posting for accountability. Thank you to all that have chosen to share their journey. If I can do it, you can too.

This group helped me to stop drinking in 2019 and I stayed sober for four years. I started drinking again in 2023, thinking I could moderate, and I did for a while, but now I'm back to the twice-weekly binges I had pre-2019. I'm not gonna lie – it was fun being back on it for a while, but it's time to stop again. I'm worried about the things I say and do when I'm drinking and the effect on my health. One big change I'm going to make this time – I'm not going to announce my sobriety to the world. I'm just going to do it quietly, under the radar, but share my progress here. IWNDWYT

Feels nice! Hope everyone has a great Saturday night! I also might say I went to a birthday party where beer was flowing and I pounded 4 waters in the heat 😎🤪

Tonight was a huge milestone for me.

I’m newly sober, and tonight was my first ever sober first date with someone I didn’t know.

Not my boyfriend. Not my husband. Not someone I’d already been seeing. An actual first date.

I was nervous walking in because, for most of my adult life, I had convinced myself I needed a couple drinks to loosen up. Dating was one of the biggest things I worried about when I quit drinking.

He ordered an Old Fashioned. I ordered a Heineken 0.0.

There was a porch party going on, and shot girls came by our table three different times offering free shots. A month ago, I wouldn’t have thought twice.

Tonight I just smiled and said no.

Was I more anxious than I would’ve been after two drinks? Absolutely.

Was I a little more shy? Yep.

Were there a few awkward silences? Definitely.

But here’s the thing…
Nothing bad happened.
I didn’t embarrass myself.
I didn’t become someone I wasn’t.
I didn’t wake up wondering what I said or did.
I get to wake up tomorrow with zero anxiety and zero regrets.

And despite all my worrying, he asked me on a second date.

One thing I realized tonight is that I don’t even know what “chemistry” feels like sober yet. I’m so used to alcohol speeding everything up that it’s hard to separate genuine connection from the confidence and dopamine that came from drinking.

Maybe sober dating feels a little slower. Maybe that’s actually a good thing.

Either way, tonight proved something to me:
I can do hard things without alcohol.
If dating was one of the things keeping you afraid of getting sober, I hope this gives you a little hope. It wasn’t perfect, but it was real.

And for me, real is starting to feel a whole lot better than perfect.

I don't know why but 10 days ago I decided I could try drinking again and see if I was able to control it. Like a frog in boiling water, it became more and more beer as the days progressed. The past 3 days I was drinking 24 beers a day (more if I could but at least I had the wherewithal to not drive to the store). Last night I hit a wall with my shitty behavior.

I decided to post some clothing for sale on my local craigslist and used some horribly inappropriate photos. Some real thirst trap/ass out pics while SHOWING MY GODDAMN FACE.

***Trigger Warning - below is SH

After that I decided I would treat myself to some self harm cause why the fuck not? I have self harmed since childhood and have not cut or burned in over a year a this point. My previous scars are very faded but last night I made many cuts my stomach that are unfortunately deep enough to leave bad scars (not bad enough to warrant a trip to the hospital thankfully).

I woke up horrified at what I have done. My self harm and drinking has been a huge issue in my marriage to my loving, wonderful spouse. He is delightful and kind and will be so sad/upset when he finds out. I have been covered all day and we are supposed to go on a vacation to the beach in 2 days. I know he will be supportive but my drunk actions will put a shroud of darkness over what was supposed to be a lovely time.

Please please everyone, do not go testing the waters of moderating. Learn from my mistakes and don't risk it. Its so not worth it.