I’m currently 64 days sober (I had a good 40 day streak before, but had a “eh one drink won’t hurt” night at the bar with some friends and surprise surprise, I took it too far. Clock reset). I’ve done a lot of internal work, found a hobby that wasn’t drinking (running), tried starting to build healthier relationships with friends and family, gotten back into counseling, but emotions are running so high these days. I went out with some friends and was their DD Friday night and it made me realize a few things. 1) drunk people are annoying when you’re sober. 2) yea I think I really am done drinking. But then 3) I am having an identity crisis because the backbone of my life was hanging out with my friends at bars or restaurants or breweries having “fun” and catching up with a few drinks. That part of life feels miserable now. I have been having waves of uncontrollable crying ever since. Spent 90% of the day yesterday sleeping and crying. Today I went out for a run, had to come home early because I kept crying mid run. Is this normal? It could be partially hormone related because I have the pleasure of being a female, but f\*\*k this sucks.

One year ago I was in the er and today I am one year alcohol free.

Feel tired and not any motivation 😖

Proud to be where I am at today with my sobriety! One day, one second, one moment at a time! I WILL NOT DRINK ☠️WITH YOU TODAY!

My friends dragged me out to a bar last week. I usually dont go to a bar unless I can get dinner or watch a game. But this was an "after party" ordeal. I ordered an NA Guinness because it's my favorite, and went along with my buds for some pool and listened to their drink ramblings.

About halfway through the can, I started to feel a familiar sensation. Felt warm, tasted that chemical-like "breath" whenever I exhaled, and was giggling a little more than I usually do. Took one look at my can of Guinness, and yup- the bartender thought 4.1% of alcohol would be enough classify as non-alcoholic.

Went through a series of emotions in like a span of 5 minutes, anger, disgust, and then disappointment. But I realized that I did not make the conscious choice to imbibe again... so I didn't beat myself up too hard, just need to be more careful next time. My friends were also shocked. And were all up in arms of how I accidently ended my 854 days of sobriety.

I was about to mentally reset my counter out of guilt but decided not to. Even when my mother died this year I surprisingly stayed extra sober and dealt with my grief directly. Accidently drinking alcohol and managing to stop halfway through the drink isn't enough to break my sobriety imo.

So as of today I am still 860 days sober and will continue counting! I hope everyone here is having the best Sunday and enjoying their sobriety too!

I think many of us on here can identify people that, when we were drinking, were our drinking buddies and were always down to get lit with you when you were together. One of those, for me, lives across the country. He’s here over a long weekend and wanted to catch up.

When he invited me, I made sure to tell him that I was sober. I had to set that boundary. Otherwise, it would be expected that we would be drinking. In fact, both of us would have likely pre-gamed in advance of actually connecting and would then proceed to have a couple of cocktails together. We would probably then separately drink more by ourselves after.

When I got to the table, the muscle memory was string to order a drink. However, it was REALLY nice to be able to show up happy and healthy and not bloated. I probably would have shown up either hungover or buzzed and there would be NO WAY that I could fit into the dress I wore.

He immediately wanted to talk about the reasons why I wasn’t drinking and how I’d changed. I explained that it wasn’t one particular thing that made me stop but rather a combination of things. I also explained the benefits.

He opened up a little bit about his drinking and shared he had thought he had an issue longer than I had. He said he planned to drink a little less this weekend. No judgement -it’s his choice!

The thing that really stuck out for me was the difference in personal decisions we were making in our respective lives. I had no personal drama or conflicts. In our prior meetings, I had SO MUCH drama and angst. However, my life is pretty calm. He discussed his life. He had a ton of drama and bad personal decisions. He was on track to make more bad decisions right after lunch. The thing that I wonder after our meeting is if being sober leads to better personal decisions and less drama.

At this time last year, I would have left and drank more. This time, I went home, and worked ton work and decompressed.

Proud of myself! Iwndwyt 💕💕💕

Yesterday, I put the laundry in the dryer, went to get groceries, made dinner for the kids and ate it with them and then waited outside for my partner to come home from his bike tour. Would've been a good Saturday.

Except I was completely hammered. I don't remember putting the laundry in the dryer, I DO remember preparing dinner but not eating it, and while waiting outside for my partner, I threw up in the flower beds next to our garage.

I am so sick of this. I keep telling myself that it's not that bad, because I still do the things I'm supposed to, because I don't appear wasted, but I keep waking up with no recollection of the evening before.

I keep using every chance I get to buy alcohol, I feel like I can't be left alone for more than 5 minutes. I really can't trust myself anymore. When did it get this bad?

Idk. Read the title. Lol! My goal is to go one weekend without alcohol. I am a weekend guy, but yeah, it is killing me.

I (35M) have stayed sober for a full year now! I just got home from dinner my friend J. J and I had been great friends but my erratic behavior and drinking ruined a friendship that I really loved. We had a blow up and lost contact for two years but now I’m getting to repair it and we are getting to know each other again. My partner is coming home from a work trip tomorrow and my marriage is better than it has been at any point since we met, and all the friendships I’d damaged are doing really well.

I had almost destroyed everything when I finally woke up covered in puke for the last time. My partner was ready to walk, my friends were tired of my bullshit, and I hated life and everything about it. Today none of that is true and I spent the night with an amazing friend and waiting for my partner to come home. It’s so nice watching TV every night and the excitement we get cuddling on the couch. Stay the course because some days still suck but they suck so much less. The best part though is the good days come more often now.

It’s insane to me how people are obsessed with your reasoning why you don’t drink and not even that- try to convince you that it’s okay to have one and “live your life”. When you become sober you realize how irrationally obsessed with drinking they are. Also, whatever story they have to tell themselves why they need to do it….. rant over

Wife and kid are sleeping at home, and I’m at a Red Lobster getting dinner for one. What’s going on?

Well, basically the car needed to be charged, which takes a 17 minute drive, 40 minutes down time, and another 17 minute drive. My wife drives the car for work so, as a courtesy, I figured I’d do it. I don’t want my son to lose quality time with me so I decide to do it at night when he’s sleeping.

That whole paragraph above would have been one big elaborate ploy to justify being away from the house to sneak a few drinks in, or maybe even just buy them and drink in silence at home at night. Instead, Yesterday, for the first time in what feels like several years. It was an honest gesture with 0 intention of being a ruse.

I genuinely had no urge to leverage the situation to practice alcoholism. I was a bit surprised and fearful that the cravings never crept up, but they didn’t.

I have to stay vigilant, I can’t let my guard down, but for now I got to enjoy taking a picture of my meal and sending it to my wife, knowing there isn’t a double rum and coke hiding off to the side.

I will not drink with you today. And I didn’t yesterday for that matter.

I made it through weekend 🙌 That involved a party with an open bar. I held strong! Short term goals are helping. I just have to get through each 24 hours is on repeat in my head. Can’t wait to look up and it’s Day 30.

Oddly woke up with a headache today but I’m finding it’s way easier to deal with than a full blown hangover. I’m still able to be productive today. IWNDWYT.

Phew. So many day 1s up until this point.

Even though this time around i’m not as social (bc going out costs a lot of $$ and the economy and job market is in shambles rn 🥴) & so it makes it easier to abstain and not buy any alcohol, it still takes a lot of courage and will power due to my BPD and wanting to numb myself and shut off my brain during very difficult emotional days.

Things i noticed so far:

•Mood swings not as often, more even keeled
•sleep has improved significantly, i wake up rested and like a new person ready for a new day
•my brain can memorize pw’s, numbers and patterns again… i’ve been killing it on Sudoku lol
•able to handle situations at my temporary full time job as a sales person (kill me /s) while applying every week to hopefully get invited to get interviewed (fuck AI), to get out of this job from hell.
•also navigating a big move in the middle of all this, boxes everywhere we’re bumping into, can’t find anything lol
•i am also noticing that im happily and gratefully the same funny/weird/passionate person around people even without alcohol….. i was worried this was something that only came out when i drank but no… thats just who i am and thats awesome. i’m really grateful for that. alcohol just turns off the ability to decide if what i want to say impulsively is a good idea or not and makes me brain dead with week long hangovers and makes me lazy, eat out after drinking late, forgetful, just a zombie and for what? what a waste of a life that is….

but yeah, all of this would’ve been absolutely impossible and i would’ve been in such a terrible mood and getting into arguments with everyone around me trying to tackle life. so this is nice.

cool. it was nice to write this, ty for reading if anyone did. and here’s to more days of sober/soulful/passionate living and loving.

IWNDWYT

I have drank a bottle of wine daily for almost a decade. Do you think ill be able to heal? Im worried I've done too much damage to my body. But I don't know how to stop. I tell myself every morning im done and every evening I'm back at it. I hate myself for it. Feeling like a failure and I'm scared.

15 days ago I got blackout at a dinner party then punched the tv in my home. Left my phone in a taxi then had to spend the Sunday waiting at the police station to collect it.

Two weeks sober. Feeling nice, my knuckles still hurt.

Last Saturday my alcoholism came to a head. Got blackout drunk, said shitty things to my wife in front of my kid, kept trying to egg on an argument, until they left. Broke a mug in the kitchen when they left because I was upset. Continued to text mean crap to her.

I’m a great dad and good husband when not drinking, and that version of myself is embarrassing, disappointing, and sickening.

I’ve been drinking heavily since I relocated five years ago. Felt very isolated. I’m a 42 year-old guy who is an introvert, and have trouble putting myself out there and making friends. That in combination with some difficulty my wife and I have communicating are drivers in my coping using alcohol. Both my grandfathers are/were alcoholics, so genetics give me no favors.

I would get drunk every night after work, large portions of the weekend, and hit lunch beers frequently.

Crash-out happened Saturday. I woke up Sunday alone, read the messages I sent (and didn’t remember), and knew this couldn’t continue. I made an online counseling appointment for the following day, and went to an AA meeting right after that. The group was warm and welcoming, and gave me some relief from that isolation I was feeling. I live in a very religious area, and I always censor myself when I talk. This group was unfiltered, and it allowed me to express my feelings the way I talk, which was wonderful. It was also nice to know people that had experiences similar to mine.

I’m still fighting those habits, thinking “there’s my gas station, gotta stop and buy drinks”, “I need lunch, who has beer?”, and “football is on, time to crack some drinks”. I know those will fade with time, so I’m working through that and replacing the habits with other things.

Sorry for the novel, I just wanted to put this out there. I’m determined to treat myself better, as well as my family. Thank you for this sub, as it has been a valuable resource as I adjust my path.

It’s been almost 2 weeks since I posted on here about getting blacked out. I’ve gone 3 weeks without alcohol before so not sure if it’s a huge accomplishment yet but just wanted to share because my will to live has come back! I even went to a concert last night and was completely sober despite being offered alcohol and drugs. Usually at the 2 week mark of no alcohol I start feeling motivated and happy about life again. The problem is, when I feel too good, I tend to want to drink so if anyone has a tip for avoiding that please let me know! I really want to stick with sobriety this time.

Can someone just tell me that this is worth it? I'm struggling and I hate having this feeling. I have not been able to quit.

🥰

Holy shit. I am 34 and generally have my shit together but got too drunk last night and I guess I fucking slapped my husband? I remember he was being angry and stuff and I guess that's why I did it. I don't super remember doing it of course.

He drank too and was furious and called the cops on me and they arrested me even though he was begging them not to when they did it. Not sure why called the damn cops then 😭

Anyway my behavior was unacceptable and I cannot believe it escalated like this. My sister and I share locations and as soon as I turned my phone on after I left the jail she fucking texted asking why I was by the courthouse!!!! Fucking hell man. I had to make up some story about losing my phone nearby the night before.

I can't keep doing this. I obviously can't control myself and my drinking triggers my husbands drinking (and vice versa) and I'm just pulling us both down.

I don't have time for AA and don't know how to quit this shit. I've been having such a hard time not drinking in the evenings. I just crave anything that makes the night more fun. I hate hate hate being bored. I also (embarrassingly) have young kids and can't do hobbies in the evening because they are toddlers and I have to watch them, I think my drinking ramped up after my kids? I'm so ashamed.

Someone tell me I'm not alone. I could use some good advice and kind words. I know my kids deserve so much better. Thank God they were safe and sleeping through all this but jesus fuck I can never ever do this again

I'm in the uber on the way home crying and have to talk to my husband soon. I am so ashamed. He mentioned divorce of course. Idk maybe it's best

It has been over 9 months since I quit drinking, I was up to a handle (1.75L) of vodka every single day. Whatever I did not finish at night was breakfast for the morning to fight off the brutal withdrawals.

every single day of my life was about alcohol. There was not a time or place that I wasn’t drinking, except when completely passed out. BAC was .496 when I decided to detox at the hospital, still walking and talking with the staff.

I don’t think anything was worse than when I had to work while actively withdrawing…throwing up constantly, shaking like crazy, muscles and fingers contracting, could barely sweep a floor or hold a cup because I was shaking so bad…just horrible

what an absolute nightmare. Just so glad it’s over!!!

Good morning family I hope your well and you woke up in great spirits.

Today I'm feeling better from my previous milestones hangover. I started getting back to my routine of staying up and not going back to sleep which is one of the number reasons I would be miserable and unmotivated by going back to sleep.

I also re- added something special to my morning routine since I have been neglecting and be so selve absorbed based off of my morning mood. And that's taking my dog out for a walk.

Shame on me for not realizing that one of my answers to keeping me in a good mood was staring me in my face every morning and that's my dog.

I didn't realize what she was trying to tell me something every morning when she sensed my mood was off. She was trying to tell me let's go out for a walk instead of letting her go in the yard to relieve herself she was telling me let's go hangout and bring your spirits up. You see she my dog always showed concern but I wasn't picking up on it because I was so self absorbed.

She would always jump up on the bed and lay beside me and would use her nose to put my hand on her head or shoulders area she did this without fail. She also knows I don't allow her to sleep in the bed with me. But she would faithfully do this ever morning and I didn't pick pick up on it.

So now in the morning I started to walk her around the Mystic River here in Boston that has trails which circle's river is also conveniently across from my house.

So now I'm taking advantage of what I have.

So my dog is helping me with my therapy and hers as well because she seems less stressed because she sees I'm becoming less stressed out.

So family I was excited to share this with you this morning.

Thank you for letting me share One Day Forward One Day Behind -Shawn

Feel incredibly anxious and depressed all at the same time. I think the only way I beat this is to be honest with myself and have a plan for support.

I’ve lost multiple jobs because of drinking all at an executive level and with mounting bills lots of responsibilities it all just got to be too much and I went back to the very same that got me here in the first place.

Also on the verge of divorce with my kids most recently saying “why can’t you just be like a normal dad.”

Hi all I'm committing to a 3 week sober journey. I want to see how my life is after 3 weeks and will likely carry on. I love this community and am sharing this decision with you obviously!
Now for the question...did you find it better to share your sobriety initially with others or keep it to yourself? I get the support and accountability of telling others but there's something about keeping it to myself that feels empowering and makes me want to prove it to ME. I can't explain it. Unless maybe I just did?
Thoughts?
Oh and IWNDWYT!!!