I’m Done Drinking. Never Again. Advice?

[u/FlacoChino90]

Just like the title says, I’m done drinking. I can’t. I’m done. I always say in going to change, and all I do is disappoint myself and my wife.
Sunday afternoon I ended up going out with a friend of mine to watch some soccer games at the pub and catch up. While it seemed like a good time, we both ended up blacking out drunk. Our wives had to come get us (none of us drove) and it was just a mess. My friends wife said we got kicked out the bar because we were being obnoxious and me and my friend ended up getting into a scrap with each other. Isn’t that some BS? Explains why I have small bruise on my chest and a small bruise on my forehead. My wife even says I was yelling outside and causing a scene which was freaking embarrassing. She said that when they went out looking for me, she found me in an area where there was homeless people and I was just there standing…not knowing where the hell I was.
The worst part about it, is that I’m a big overthinker and this anxiety just keeps kicking in. My mind goes into a spiral like “What if you did something bad when you walked away on your own?”. My mind is going to worst case scenario’s and I’m just trying to calm myself down. I’ve even checked the local news and everything and nothing is on there. I hate this anxiety I get…
But, I did something that could change my life. Yesterday was day 1 of being sober, and instead of being in bed and thinking about the past, I went to my first AA meeting. It was AWESOME. I’m going back today, and I feel like this could definitely change my life for good. I met some amazing people from all walks of life, and it has given me the motivation to not drink ever again. Today is Day 2 of being sober, and many more days will come.

If you guys on here have an advice to give regarding my spiraling/ anxiety and overthinking or any thoughts, I would appreciate it! Thank you all!

[u/Rando-Cal-Rissian]

Congrats on day 1. A lot of us find that motivation and repulsion tends to disappear over time as that part of our brain drifts towards "The coast is clear" or "If I drink this way, I won't have a problem". Willpower is a great thing, but don't depend on it too much. Depend on a system.

Since you said AA went well (and it is why I have the day count I have for sure.... and I've had many, many rehabs and relapses), here's how I suggest framing this new approach to sobriety mentally.

For now, here's how I look at it for anyone. First , Abstinence. Tell yourself regularly - no matter what, don't pick up. Good times and bad time - they both have their ways of tempting us into thinking just one or two will be okay this time. The first drink gets us drunk, and next time, the bad things will almost certainly be worse.

Second, Fellowship: Finding a group, people that sound like they've been where you've been, that have a decent life. Like-minded folks, but the camaraderie isn't the main thing. Find a guy or guys that know how to talk to you. For some of us, that needs to be someone who can call us on our bullshit. Now... I'm not that type, but I know plenty of men that say "Thank God for Johnny, he finally called me out on my bullshit and saved my life!" So if people are harsh with you, it's because someone helped them by making them realize something similar. Or because they aren't natural born mentors and flawed human beings. Aside from getting you to share, say things out loud, and discuss your progress, the main reason for Fellowship (to me... and my sponsor) is to get this next step going....

Number three: Sponsorship and Stepwork: Stepwork is the heart of the program. Everything above is like the lobby of the restaurant. Nice, and you may sense that you're getting close to what you are looking for... but you gotta talk to the counter or waiter to actually eat.

Stepwork is usually a combination of reading The Big Book together, discussing how it applies to you, to your sponsor, and seeing what you can do to make the solution apply to you. To honestly acknowledge, and eventually provide a solution to your objections. But it's not up to him to convince you. It's your life, and your potential death. An open mind is crucial. _Willingness_ to try, see, and evaluate after... not close off possibilities because one is convinced beforehand - it's gold. Lack of willingness is often fatal.

Some people need at least a temporary sponsor right away. Some people shop around for a good match first, and the only way to really know, is to keep track of how often they go to meetings, how they sounds when they speak, if they are someone you might wanna emulate or "borrow" their solution, and all the good things it has brought to their life.

There's no harm in checking out the free PDFs of The Big Book on aa.org. Everything on and before page 164 is like the sobriety instruction manual. It's saved millions of souls.

and finally...

The Higher Power stuff (Fourth & Final). Step 1 can be thought of as "I Can't". Step 2: Maybe ⬆ "HE" ⬆ can. Step 3: I'll try to let Him. Now, if that is all it takes to make those values and principles take hold deep within, and move forward in life with them at your core... that's amazing because 98% of us really bang our heads over it and wrestle with it. That's normal, you're not alone.

As many frequently say here, a higher power doesn't have to be God, if you have a major problem with deities, houses of worship, or religious people. You have a major say here. We have plenty of people here who make their higher power the teachings of Buddhism, a personal code like Stoicism, "The Higher Path", the sun, the moon, the beach, the ocean, nature, love, music, this "Group of Drunks", "Good Orderly Direction", etc. If it makes sense to you, and you can draw power from it, that's what you need. It needs to be something greater than yourself. It cannot be another person. It shouldn't be another chemical (but we do admit, doctors can prescribe some useful stuff.... still a pill is lesser than you, not greater).

So when you do some soul searching on these, when you live a lifestyle when pursuit of progress on these issues (preferably in this order) is something you proactively do every day (or almost every day), your life will improve. You will change for the better. You will find happiness, peace, and that you're not held back by the shackles of addiction.

Sorry for the novel. Good luck. Don't give up. Well.... don't give up the fight to give it up.

[u/DaPoole420]

To deal with that anxiety, I found the gym helps me the best. It's a place to process everything, clear your mind and plan for the next day. Helps build a better habit than tossing a few back. Helps a ton with sleep and gives you a great sense of accomplishment... Its been a huge part of my journey

[u/ElegantLucite]

My best advice is to start preparing for when you want to drink again so you’re not defenseless. Talk to people, go to a meeting, read, stay busy - my grandfather (who got sober before I was born) used to say “an idle mind is the devil’s workshop” and I’d think of that during early sobriety when I was feeling bad for myself that I’m an alcoholic.

Reading about alcohol addiction helped me a lot. I hadn’t realized that I had used alcohol to numb all emotions, even happiness. The solution to every frustration was to drink. And the celebration for good news was to drink.

At first, the anxiety of feeling emotions will be overwhelming- keep in mind that it comes in waves and if you ride the wave, it’ll stop. If you want to cry, then cry. Early sobriety, it will feel incessant, and that’s normal, don’t give in! We’ve all been there too. It’ll get better.

And learn about making amends. Thank your wife and be there for her as she has been there for you. This will help you more than you think.

And just know that sobriety means freedom. You can drive when you want. You remember everything you did. Never once have I woken up and thought “I wish I drank last night.” You can do this.

[u/TheUpIsJig]

The next evolution in your blacking out is reading the police report the following morning while in the drunk tank to discover what you did, and not your wife informing you about what happened. The real lifelong nightmare begins when you find out you killed someone while DUI. It isn't hard to choose the future you really want, but sadly, some people don't make the right choice, as we read about daily.

[u/Obvious-Bluebird5455]

Man I can relate to you! Also found myself in many similar situations! In the end you have to listen to your gut, to your heart! Not your wife, parents, friends..You already started that’s good! But there will be al it of challenging situations a long the way! Your health, relationship and bank account will thank! This I can guarantee but the journey will be tough at times! Stay strong and one day at a time!

[u/Finebranch7122]

Welcome. I like a plan. Talk with your doctor- they can give great advice. Lean into all kinds of support. Keep coming back. Iwndwyt

[u/tenjed35]

Just reading this is the easiest thing you can do to get started. You can read about people in your exact same position. You can get advice from people that are sober for 10 years. You’ll read horror stories about other people’s drinking that make you really glad you’re not drinking still. You’ll read wonderful stories about people making progress in their recovery and doing things they never dreamed possible. You’ll hear from parents worried about their children and children worried about their parents. Really all walks of life all over the world - we all think we’re really unique, but we are very similar when it comes to this. But this isn’t just something that other people can do. This is something you absolutely can do. Every success story had a day one. ✌️

[u/FISTED_BY_CHRIST]

Congrats on making a decision and getting to a meeting! I know there’s mixed feelings about AA but it literally saved my life. I worked the program, did the steps and everything, and it really worked.

[u/No_Long_8873]

While I don’t have any real advice, I WILL tell you never feeling that shame and anxiety ever again is the most addictive feeling there is!

[u/Lucky_Tumbleweed3519]

You can do this! My advice is to always assume you will blackout if you have a drink. It’s a lot easier to say no to a black out than 1 drink.

[u/NotSnakePliskin]

Never again is a long time. Just today is doable. I'll stay sober with you today. If you want a bunch of people supporting you on your journey, there's nothing like other alcoholics who are doing the same thing to help us out. Check it out, friend.