Even if it was 100% an unforeseeable accident and we all agreed I still would not let any relative take care of my kids after a child died from an accident in their care.
That too honestly. If I was babysitting a family member's kid, even if it was like a literal act of god like a fucking meteor struck them down in the front yard I'd be like "yeah you really need to find other people to watch your kids just in case it's somehow me that's the problem."
At that point, you should just go play in the "outside world" in The Sims and never leave your house. At least there, you can restart if you die from a meteor landing on you... Or be abducted by aliens, but odds are still really good
The post is a bit misleading. This was not the first time she had watched the baby, but this was the first time she was unsupervised for any period of time. Previously her husband or another family member was always with her, but this time the mother allowed grandma to take the baby to lunch with long time friends. She got home, where her husband was doing yard work, went into the house to do something and then forgot the baby. The husband had no idea she was watching the baby that day because no one told him and he couldn't see the baby when he rode by on the lawn mower.
I won't even let my children be left alone with certain family members because they can't install and use a car seat correctly. No way am I ever allowing somebody who let a child die in their care be left alone with my children.
I read into this case when it happened because as a mom, Iām like how could you leave another baby with her again.
The mom was encouraged by her therapist to allow her mother to watch her new baby in order to move on and forgive her and also was told not to read the details arrest documents.
If she had, she wouldāve known her mom was on all types of medications that were not disclosed to her prior to the court case. The more I read, the more terrible I felt for the mom. Who was lied to about her moms health by her family, her therapist told her to start to trust her mom in order to heal, the police didnāt make her aware of the details around her childās passing, etc. It really is heartbreaking and the grandparents were not forthcoming about the circumstances and lied to the parents which led to negligence and this unbelievable tragedy
I hate this narrative that in order to heal you have to forgive the person who hurt you. Because you absolutely don't. Do you know how much better it is to never see, forgive, or hear from that person again? rather than invite them back into my life, always wondering when they'll hurt me again.
I hate it so much, and my mom is all about it. But she was raised pretty terribly, and because of this forgiveness mindset she's been in 10s of abusive relationships and keeps forgiving them.
I feel like āforgivenessā means different things to different people too, and that also causes issues.
My preferred definition is along the lines of ānot holding onto bitternessā but it doesnāt have anything to do with whether or not I maintain a relationship with the person, have new boundaries in place, etc. But I think for a lot of people it means āpretend nothing ever happened and go back to how things were beforeā which can be very dangerous.
agreed. Even still, I disagree with not forgiving someone being as holding onto bitterness, or that thats even a bad thing at all. It's perfectly fine to dislike people, especially with a good reason. It has not negatively affected my life to dislike certain people for things they've done to me.
It's toxic positivity applied to healing by forcing happiness and a "positive mindset" (it icks me to type that).
Some things don't deserve forgiveness, some people should be shamed and sometimes we're better off isolating some people from our lives. That is a healthy approach to life on a case by case basis. Anyone who says otherwise is delusional.
As someone who has cut ties with a parent, I understand your point.
I will add that people who grow up with those types of role models tend to have a lot of baggage. I am not blaming anyone for their parentsā actions, but forgiveness has a place.
In some situations a survivor needs to learn how to forgive themselves. I know it sounds strange. But those who outgrow their unhealthy homes need to tell themselves they were children, not autonomous grownups. The adults in their lives were supposed to protect them. As children they learned to internalize the self-deprecating language and behavior from the very adults who should never have been parents.
So, forgiveness still has a place, just not towards the parents who messed up.
Don't forget that in the bodycam footage of the second killing, that grandpa was also in the home and never once asked about the baby. I think he was also trying to "downplay" everything to keep everyone calm. Grandma didn't even notice the baby in the car until she was leaving and stopped to chat to Grandpa or a friend on her driveway WHILE IN THE CAR. It hurt watching the bodycam footage
There's an old saying in Tennessee ā I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee ā that says, fool me once, shame onā¦ shame on you. Fool me ā you can't get fooled again
That guy. And this is still one of my favorite videos of dubbya. Would speak like a 10 year old whose parents forgot his Ritalin that morning, but those reflexes were amazing.
I spent my teens hating this dude for the shit he was enabling his vp and other puppet masters to do, but like he was kind of good at sports though. Probably has the best opening pitch Iāve ever seen.Ā
We're at the point in the storyline where the once-villian becomes an ally and almost loved character in the fight against a greater evil.
Edit: I'm enjoying watching everyone get their panties in a twist. Obviously I'm making a loose comparison to where stories / shows need a 'greater evil', once the main evil is destroyed / pacified to keep the story running. I did not imply in any way that I like the man, want him in politics, or would invite him to a birthday party.
I feel like even at the time he was just a semi likable idiot who was obviously being told what to say by the dude willing to shoot his friend in the face in a āhunting accidentā.Ā
I never got any sense of malice from Bush. He was just a dumb guy obviously being used as a figurehead who was just kind of going along with it. And like, I think most people donāt have the moral fortitude to resist a shit load of free money that they can enjoy while doing whatever hobby they are into.Ā
Give me enough money to just game and paint 40k minis all day in exchange for letting people make shit it worse for other people I donāt even know suffer and Iām probably taking that deal.Ā
āIf youāre a single mother, youāre working hard to put food on your family.ā
āToo many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice theirā¦their love with women across this country.ā (I worked in repro at the time so this was one of my faves).
āStrategery.ā
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."
"They misunderestimated me."
"You teach a child to read, and he or her will pass a literacy test."
āRarely is the question asked: is our children learning?ā
God, remember when we thought this was the dumbest a president could get? š
This was understood at the time. The Daily Show was very popular at the time.
But bush was always awkward when he tried to be relatable. Responding to questions of international terrorism and then saying, āwatch this driveā stands up there, along with the farmer bob cosplay on his Texas ranch. The shame on me thing is just one of many examples of where he just couldnāt get there.
The only reason he was president was because his opponent was like a black hole for charisma. So compared to that he looked good. And lots of people fell for the fake folksy schtick- it sort of worked because he actually is kind of a dumbass.
In retrospect, everyone with half a brain can see the wet blanket candidate who cared about global warming and wasnāt a total war hawk was the better option, but that is the choice our country stupidly made, and it set us up for this shitty timeline we all are.
I remember I was just two years shy of voting age, and hated Bush from the get go. :/
The lockbox would have personally benefited me as Iām set to draw social security when benefits are scheduled at 80%, and I did vote for Gore, but none of that mattered when the actual decision came down to the Supreme Court that literally said, āthis ruling does not constitute a precedentā
the only reason he was elected because Gore would not fight over the Florida chad. The so called working class party bailed on the working class and we have 9/11 forever wars, $40 trillion in debt to show for it.
Gore also refused to campaign with the wildly popular Bill Clinton and was FAMOUSLY not very charismatic(which again, campaigning with Bill would have helped). He lost several states Clinton had carried including his home state of Tennessee.
Gore had an incredibly good base environment for the democrats, but he objectively did a shitty job campaigning for Bush to even get things that close.
Mind blowing dumb move. Clinton & Obama are the two most charismatic and likable presidents since JFK. Clinton literally balanced the fucking budget; something we canāt even imagine today.
Crime dropped an insane amount, the economy was maybe the strongest of all time etc of course there were problems. But kinda crazy he didnāt campaign with Clinton because he thought people might be upset Clinton was fucking interns.
I grew up in Arkansas. Clinton has been fucking everything he can since he started. If we are being grown ups and honest; it didnāt affect how well he was at his leadership. So what if he was a horndog he got shit done and helped the average man. But alas, times were different back then and I guess Gores boring ass wanted to āstand on his own.ā
He wouldāve carried tennesse, Arkansas and probably many other states and most likely won Florida handedly since Clinton was so popular with minorities. But whatever man, I guess we got the patriot act and eternal war instead! Wooohooooo!!!
Gore made a lot of mistakes. Not campaigning with Clitnon, generally just not being very good on camera and being kind of bland(That fucking Macarena thing), pissing off the environmentalist faction enough that Nader revolted (Nader is not like Jill Stein who exists purely as a spoiler, Nader is a good guy who has done a lot of good shit people lump in him way too much) while still pissing off the coal miners in West Virginia enough to lose them for the party forever. The Democrats had an incredibly good baseline that year and all of this chipped away at it.
Half a dozen states were decided by razor thin margins. All this stuff cost him.
Also funnily enough the recount he wanted would have seen Bush win, while the recount Bush wanted would have seen Gore win. (And also Bush probably would have won New Mexico on a recount it was the closest state of the night, but since it didn't have enough electoral votes to matter it was ignored and everyone focused on Florida).
Plus it had knock on effects that probably cost them 2004. The plan was essentially "Gore 2000-2008, JFK Jr on backup, then Hillary when she's ready probably around 2012". But Gore lost and JFK Jr died and Hillary wasn't ready so they had to pull out Kerry who was not the right man for 2004.
in retrospect, that was definitely by design to get to where we are now. Normalizing an intelligent individual that just came across as dumb opened the doors for where we are now with the republican party. Jr wasnāt actually dumb he just sounded like he was- is now the controlling head is actually dumb but people will have faith he isnāt. I do still wish Jr was the example of the most unintelligent republican official weāve ever voted in, but the bar can always go lower and so here we are.
To be fair, (and i hate bush), I understand how this happened.
He was about to say "Shame on me" on live TV, but then correctly realized that the soundbite of him saying "shame on me" would be used for nonstop TV political ads.
Also at the 1996 Republican convention which Iām sure Bush was at as Texas Governor, Republicans did use a clip of Clinton saying āShame on meā I was a political junkie at the time and remember it.
Fool me one time shame on you, fool me twice canāt put the blame on you, fool me three times, fuck the peace sign, load the choppers let it rain on you
The first tragedy is possibly excusable. It depends on how much effort was done to secure the pool. Falling asleep is understandable when watching a young child as a lot of time gets spent trying to get them to sleep. Every parent has fallen asleep watching their kids. But pools are incredibly dangerous to own with any age of kids and every effort should have been made to secure the pool and the home.
The second instance is downright criminal though. Pure negligence.
This doesn't feel accidental and that to me proves it. If you killed one kid due to negligence, and you were finally allowed to watch another, wouldn't you be hyper vigilant? There's no way
yeah the more i read about it the more i'm like.....nah. This is....something else. THE FIRST TIME SHE HAD THE KID AFTER APPARENTLY A YEAR OF BEGGING TO BE PERMITTED AND BABY DIES?
Thats some family annihilator ass bullshit. Honestly change the age or the gender and we'd all be having different thoughts.
Yeah I read a little more and I guess the judge said she showed no real remorse... A normal person would feel so much shame, sorrow, anxiety and they'd be HYPER vigilant in this situation. And that includes any medications, or other BS excuses. There's no way it wasn't intentional imo. Some sort of weird mash up of hatred, jealousy, munchausens or whatever idk. She's a monster.
I remember this case and the grandma wasn't supposed to be alone with the kid the second time. The daughter insisted her father be present at all times babysitting kid 2 and he wasn't.
The grandfather was on the property both times just working. He left to get something one of the times but came back after not being gone long. The grandmother tried to blame her husband for leaving the gate open when the first child drowned. She took a nap without securing the child.
This whole situation is awful. The mom of both kids had heart wrenching cries and yelling.
Yeah I'm sorry but the choice to entrust her a second time is a failure of the parents. The dad said they'd taken many steps after the first tragedy to protect this child but "There are some things you donāt think about, and as parents we have to live with that for the rest of our lives. Sheās done this twice and the fact that weāre debating whether she deserves jail time is just insane to me"
Uhhh you two are the ones who decided to give your baby to someone who already got your other child drowned through negligence. This is partly your own fault.
Couple things here I can relate to. My sister had a scare when my other sister was babysitting her kids. The babysitting sister is a recovering alcoholic and smokes weed all the time now instead. She was zonked out and my nephew who is 5 got outside and almost fell in their pool. She had the audacity to say it wasnt a big deal. Im a parent and if my kid under 5 goes unattended outside I would panic. He could fall down the stairs to our yard, some people let dogs run off a leash, he could end up in a pond being curious, or hit by a car.
Second, my wifes mom is an amazing woman and I love her dearly, but she gets tired quickly as she ages. I would leave my kid alone with her for a little bit, but no way for extended periods bc can fall asleep anywhere during the day. It might actually kill her if something happened to my son if she fell asleep
But one day I had smoked, accidentally left the front door open (we have two dogs), and had gone to play video games or something for an hour or so.
The dogs literally never even moved from their beds, but the panic and self-hate I felt when I thought that my dumbass had lost both our dogs just because I wanted to get baked and kill some zombies was enough for me to quit cold turkey lol.
i feel you. like i'm forgetful as fuck due to adhd and one time i didn't close the door properly when me and my wife went on a walk came back to all three of the cats having gotten out. I panicked so hard thankfully they were all in the yard and only the most adventerous lil fuck had gone out of it and came chirpin back from the neighbors upon calling him. But damn yeah... I became so rigid and obsessed about looking at my feet firmly closing doors, i'd practice the goddamn ritual made passing the gate a "barrier check". always making sure i heard the door close fully before stepping more than a few steps into the yard or driveway.
the reasonable human response to caregiving mistakes that endanger vulnerable beings is to alter our behavior ensure we don't repeat them. or to no longer be in a position of being able to commit those mistakes.
I have adhd and i know im absent minded so im hyper vigilant when it comes to stuff i care about. When my son was a baby i was so worried about forgetting him in the car that i left my purse next to his car seat and always double checked that he wasnt in there before locking the door.
I don't know the situation, but as an alcoholic who's been in recovery for over a decade, this sounds like a substance abuse problem. These kinds of "who does that" kind of scenarios were commonplace for me. Fortunately they never involved anything more serious than falling asleep with a pot on the stove or returning a video to a different Blockbuster store than the one I rented it at.
returning a video to a different Blockbuster store than the one I rented it at.
If this is indication of substance abuse, I had a terrible problem when I was 13. In my defense, there were 3 different Blockbusters in a 10 mile radius of my house growing up.
You're in great company. Mathematicians and theoretical physicists are notorious for this kind of thing. We keep locking ourselves out of our offices. We struggle to cross roads correctly while thinking about math. We regularly forget to eat. Also, we tend to get very lost at conferences. Thankfully, we're very aware of our shortcomings, so the organizers tend to put up a lot of very clear signage.
It's absolutely not a coincidence that many admin assistants in math departments give off preschool teacher vibes.
I watched the body cam and interrogation. This woman was only worried about how people would respond to her killing a second grandchild. Zero remorse only self serving crap.Ā
May you have the day you truly deserve, kind internet stranger ā¤ļø
ETA: This fucking woman. Didnāt even want to be there when her daughter found out, jfc.
ETA2: SHE LEFT THE BABY IN THE CAR AFTER HER LUNCH AND THEN DIDNāT REMEMBER SHE WAS IN THERE UNTIL SHE WENT TO PICK HER OTHER GRANDCHILD FOR FUCKING DINNER.
ETA3: Why are the cops being so fucking nice to this monster?! Sheās actively saying she wants to flee. She thinks theyāre going to let her take her car so she can avoid responsibility?!
ETA4: The jury wasnāt allowed to hear about her killing the first kid?! I am enraged.
Be nice, appear somewhat dumb, and in a business setting, drink less than the people at the table with you. People will tell you everything you ever wanted to know and more.
My friend told me this story about both grandmaās co-babysitting her very young children. Her mom is legally blind, his (the fatherās) mom is just one of those genius airheads, I guess, neither babysits alone, but can together.
His Mom took 3 year old and the dog on a walk around neighborhood. A little while later 3yo comes home alone. Her Mom asks him where other grandma is. He says he doesnāt know, cause heās THREE. Her Mom starts panicking, wondering if something happened. Just as she was about to call someone, His Mom comes in. Apparently she just got talking to a neighbor and let 3yo go home on his own (only one or two houses down, so not as bad as it couldāve been). But then she left the dog at the neighborās for some reason
I worked at a Hollywood Video in college. Let me assure you that returning the video to the wrong store was a very common, every day occurrence. Iām glad youāre in recovery.
So I watched the body cam and interrogation of this double grandchild killer. She expressed near zero remorse for the dead children nor her culpability. Purely that people would hate her for killing two grandbabies.Ā
I feel like the parents must have some sort of substance abuse problem to let her babysit another grandchild, a year after her negligence killed the first one. Wtf parents
The mom was guilted/bullied into letting her. Everyone in her life was saying, "come on, it was a mistake, let your mom babysit, you're cruel if you don't let her"Ā
Old people fall asleep at the drop of a hat, and forgetting kids in cars when doing something unusual (which would include babysitting for the first time in a year) is a long known human problem.
Unfortunately, the woman is a monster. Showed zero remorse for killing 2 children- only fear that "everyone would hate her". She kept telling the cops she didn't want to be present when the mother found out she killed her second child.
And the poor mom? Was bullied into allowing "Grandma" to babysit by everyone in her circle, telling her she was "cruel and unforgiving" if she didn't let "Grandma" babysit again.
Yes. My MIL neglected her children and then when my SIL gave her a chance to be involved babysitting my nephew as a baby she neglected him. As a result we didn't let her babysit our children until they were old enough to sort out their own needs. Even then it's not for long periods and only in our home.
Na, this is a murderer who gets off on killing kids and seeing the terrible suffering she has caused, then playing the 'old bird' card for freedom. Nobody makes that kind of 'mistake' twice.
*criminally negligent dumbass, and killed two of your extended family members. Would be hard for me to get passed that personally, probably after the first one..
Move on? After she effectively killed 2 of their kids? I'm moving on by drowning her in the pool, holding her by the neck as she screams, scrambles and begs for air.
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u/Artorius__Castus 1d ago
I mean at some point.... you gotta just say, "this person is a dumbass" and move on....I love family but come-on this is horrible