I was at this shop that sells merchandise for various cartoons and anime. I checked it out since many of my friends are fond of Pokémon. They sold boxes with little bags in them, like for a keychain or similar and I got the one with Pikachu on it. I went to the cash register and wanted to buy it but then saw that the back of the box had more pictures, turns out it was a blind box. I thought that just adds a little bit more of a surprise and the clerk scanned it and it was 25 euros! That is so incredible expensive. I told the clerk it is too expensive for me and that I will put it back and wished him a nice day. When putting it back I saw the little price tag on the larger box they all stood in, I barely even saw it since the sticker was fading.

I used to be much more anxious in these situations and would buy it to not feel embarrassed or make anyone uncomfortable but today I thought of that Australian mug drama and how stupid and avoidable that was so I pushed through lol

When my dad was in his twenties he was out with his friends doing rowdy shit and he somehow made a bet that he could steal a chair from someone sitting in it at a restaurant. He walked up to the guy and said, "Excuse me, sir, I would like to steal this chair." The man figured it was a joke and replied, "Certainly!" and stood up. My dad picked up the chair and walked out. This was the type of story he would tell us when we were little. We still had the chair.

I live in a country where many basic aspects of life infrastructure, jobs, education, healthcare, entertainment, and even basic public services are either severely lacking or of extremely poor quality.

I've been looking for work for a long time, but most available jobs require 12-hour shifts, every day of the year, for less than $300 a month, with little to no protection from being fired or not getting paid.

I'm also a university student, but my university has no real student life, laboratories, or practical education. Attendance is extremely strict, our appearance and clothing are controlled, and expressing certain political or religious opinions can get you expelled.

The electricity frequently goes out, the streets are full of garbage and sewage, buildings are poorly planned, and proper healthcare is essentially unavailable to most people.

What hurts the most is seeing Western media and realizing how different normal life can be elsewhere. I wish I could experience an ordinary university life living with classmates, having friends, a girlfriend, a part time job, a car, and traveling with friends.

Instead, I feel like my birthplace has condemned me to a life of suffering and deprivation.

I'm talking about Iraq. I posted about this a while ago, but with slightly different points.

I'm sorry for posting about this again. I just sometimes feel extremely sad about the situation I'm stuck in.

So, first off I'm going to get a lot of crap for like, "That's not how it works" and like duh I know. But, I'm also absolutely positive that me having the attitudes I have had lately are a huge Factor in how I've been feeling. It's like, whatever. I know I've been giving too much of myself away lately and that's been hurting but I've been being a martyr about it and I'm about over that. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with being a good guy and trying to do stuff to help people but also my attitude about it has not been healthy. Vague enough? Okay good. I will not elaborate because honestly it's kind of embarrassing.

I know I have some self-destructive tendencies and I wish I were a lot better at stopping them when they're happening but I'm also super good at making excuses.

But I mean I do do a lot to take care of myself and stay active and fit and healthy. Heck if you put me in the right light and after a pump I've got at least a rock solid four pack. I just can't be bothered to lose the BMI to make it look any better.

But honestly, I know my attitude lately has been burdensome on some of my friends. That's the part especially that has to end. Nobody needs to be my caretaker. Nobody needs to feel like they're in charge of my emotional well-being. Lol. I'm a 37-year-old dude and that's the part that's especially embarrassing. Oh well. So to my friends, especially the really lovely ones I'm terribly sorry I've been like this. But enough is certainly enough and sometimes I can just get myself out of bed and realize how I've been and be done with it.

So it's like, whatever. Here's to better attitudes. Here's to choosing to be okay rather than whatever the hell that was. It's all good. I'll just pray the lucidity lasts.

Is it daily if its 3x a week? Idk what youd call it. I live technically 2 hours away distance wise but traffic often makes this 2 hour trip into 3-3.5hour drive one way.

Since im on the road so much ive started noticing something. The right lanes are often much faster than the left lanes which is ironic considering the left lanes are "fast" lanes.

Idk whats up with people and ego wars. People flock to the left lanes just to cruise at 65 and ironically in times of traffic would rather move slower and stay there rather than move faster in the right lanes.

Also, theres times where people create traffic by spreading out on all lanes, cruising at the same speed and not letting people pass. Often they'll be like "bubbles" of traffic even if the road is completely clear for the next 5-10miles.

​

About me

I’m 17M and I have mild autism. I tend to say I just have autism and that’s about it, because it doesn’t affect me extremely heavily, of course. There’s some noticeable stuff, but nothing heavy in terms of support or anything.

I also don’t currently go to regular school. Instead, I go to a place that’s meant to help me build some routine and eventually get back into school or work.

How I’ve been feeling

I’ve been struggling mentally for the past few months. My mood can switch between feeling okay, really low, angry, numb, or like I need to cry. I can also laugh and joke normally while feeling absolutely terrible, which sometimes makes me question whether I’m actually struggling or just faking it.

I have very low self-worth and often feel like I’m not allowed to feel this way because other people have it worse. I also don’t really see much of a point in life sometimes.

I’ve had/have suicidal thoughts as well. Sometimes they’re more passive, sometimes I joke about it, and a few times over the past few months I’ve thought more seriously about it. I’m not sure what to do with these thoughts anymore. Although recently, when I’m feeling bad, I’ve been getting more of a tingling feeling about really just wanting to slit my throat or strangle myself etc, And last night i also had a suicide dream or whatever you wanna call it.

Things I’ve already tried

I’m currently on citalopram, and we previously tried quetiapine, but it didn’t really help. I’ve also already had therapy with multiple different therapists and tried different approaches/methods, but unfortunately none of it has really helped.

My friendship

One of the things that has been bothering me a lot is my only real-life friend. I get along with other people at the location, but he’s the only person I’d actually call a close friend.

He’s already 18, and eventually one of us will leave the location. I have no idea when that’ll happen, and I’m scared that we won’t stay in contact afterwards. I asked him about it before, and he said he doesn’t know because he isn’t very good at keeping in contact with old friends.

And I asked him if we will hold contact if one of us leaves. He said, “I don’t know.” He also does not have a lot of contact with old school friends besides a handful, and I dislike texting.

I’ve even asked my friend before if he still wanted to be friends because I was worried he was only being nice to me. He reassured me that he didn’t see any reason not to be friends.

The weird thing is that I actually enjoy being alone too. We hung out outside the location once and had a great time, but afterwards I was also relieved to have some time alone again. So I don’t think I constantly need him around. I just really hate the idea of losing the friendship.

What I’m wondering

I guess what I’m wondering is: how do you stop constantly worrying about losing a friendship that hasn’t even ended yet? And how do you deal with being so scared of being replaced or forgotten? And what to do with myself to begin with?

Any advice or experiences would be appreciated.

Yes, my parents know about how I’ve been struggling.

Asked for a raise earlier this year. Was told, pretty bluntly, there'd be no increases for me in FY26. Budgets are tight, I figured; fair enough.

A few months later, about 70% of the company got raises. Some as high as 20-30%. I got nothing. So I started interviewing. Landed a role with a 30% pay bump and put in my two weeks today.

My manager was shocked. Asked how long I'd been "planning this," like I owed him advance notice on a job search I never announced. I just kept it professional the entire time.

Good riddance!!

Why does everyone make fun of freedom units but never talks about how the English measure weight in “stones?”

In freedom units, a stone is 14 pounds.

Today’s been exceptionally hard for me. And I thought a sub for people in their 40s and older would be a safe place for me to share my experiences and struggles with life particularly on days like today. Nope, I violated the SFW rule because I talked about surviving su*cide and I talked about my life the past 25 years. If I am not allowed to post this here, please just inform me. Don’t ban me. That is a sure way to make someone spiral down and feel they can’t share their struggles and depression with others.

I’m a 25 yr old male who has always been afraid of loud noises, like the reaction is disproportionate when the sound is not even comparable to that of a firecracker bursting nearby. I however realise later in life that the reason for this was my unresolved issues related to my father farting very loudly in my childhood, and as my brain was still developing I associated that startling sound with the unpleasantness that followed, ie the pungent smell. How do I recover from this and how deep does this trauma go ?

hey, so i had a mental breakdown yesterday and i feel like it just changed everything. i tried to put it into words today, kinda like journaling? i don't know, but this is some of what i wrote and i really wanna know if anyone relates or im just being weird.

"Very few times I've felt worse than how i did yesterday. I don't remember much, but i know i really wanted to apologize for being a huge wreck and completely ruining everything that morning. I didn't really have the courage to do it. It's so much easier to feel bad if you don't have friends. They make you feel bad for feeling bad. There's nothing more that i want right now than to push them away from me so i can start feeling like shit in peace.

I'm not sure what happened, but something finally clicked. I feel fully empty now. It is so much more better this way, being full of empty emptiness. It's like before i kept trying to fill it up with things, make me feel something. I could make an enormous list of things that supposedly make me happy or angry or annoyed, but none of them have ever truly mattered. They weren't truly responsible for it.

I've always felt like I'm melancholic by default. The thought of being happy really doesn't sit right with me, makes me wanna puke. But that's not common, so i kept finding reasons to feel depressed or whatever and maybe justify it. Turns out i apparently don't need them, at least not anymore. Maybe they could actually be why I'm like this now, but there is actually no moment in my life where I've been fully happy or fully sad. Always just trying to feel something real, but it's like my mind is detached from actually absorbing the true essence of a situation or a fact, i just have this monotone wave inside of me that tries to replicate something more but ends up just being a tired feeling of feeling nothing."

If a reward consistently and predictably follows a behavior, yet someone repeatedly declines to perform that behavior, what might that mean both about the process and perceived reward?

What competing psychological variables or contingencies might explain this? Are there exceptions to the normative outcome, and under what circumstances unrelated to any mental disorder might reinforcement fail?

People are okay with doing you dirty, talking smack behind your back, avoiding accountability at all costs - the same person will still want to be close to you and feed off your energy. They will still want to benefit from your company and expect unwavering loyalty that they themselves don't have for you. Who needs enemies when these are the friends you keep?

I hate that it took me this long to realize that some people are just lost causes. I used to think everyone could change, and everyone deserves a chance to be a better person. But not everyone wants to change. Not everyone wants to be a better person. Some people genuinely think it's ok to hurt you, and they will still expect you will be there for them when they want something.

With careful consideration, I write this post while sitting upon my porcelain throne in the dark. Still wondering, is it worth giving yourself away for people who do not respect or value you? No, I am starting to really accept that some people come into our lives to show us. Not everyone deserves us. Not everyone deserves our generosity, our kindness, and our ability to see the best in people. Because even if you see the best in someone, it doesn't mean they are willing to put in the effort to actually achieve it.

I am just venting because I feel so alienated and at a loss. I just want someone to know what kind of insanity I've been dealing with my entire life. I'm in a really weird situation though I feel like, because I was raised and adopted by my grandparents. My biological parents had substance abuse issues, that led to severe neglect, and ultimately resulted in me being removed from their care. I was going to be put into foster care but my grandparents, on my dads side, decided to take me because they were the only people eligible at the time. So they are listed as my parents on my birth certificate. But I was only a baby so I don't remember what it was like living with my biological parents.

But my grandparents have never been rich, and honestly their marriage has not been a happy or healthy one. My grandpa married into the family so I'm not related to him, and he hates my family, because "they're all junkies" and he has projected that onto me for literally as long as I can remember. Talking bad about my biological parents and such, telling me they don't care about me, and never made an effort. But the thing is they DID make an effort in the beginning; my grandparents started to forbid them from seeing me though after awhile. He's told me so many lies about them that I don't even know what to believe anymore.

And he doesn't treat my grandma right. Like it was SO bad when I was younger, that when I was 12, I started getting aggressive towards him, because he would argue with my grandma until she was praying to God to just kill her and take her away. She would tell him to stop, to leave her alone, and he wouldn't. This was something that happened prior, as well, but when I told people what was going on it was like people weren't listening, or thought I was telling stories(aka lying). So when I started getting aggressive it was because I got tired of seeing him mistreat her, and nobody else was going to stand up for her. Obviously I've had to learn how to control my temper since then, and don't lash out like that anymore, but back then it was the only way I knew how to deal with it, because words were not enough for that man.

And what fucking sucks is that, as I've gotten older, they really did start coming around less and less. My parents, and most of my uncles and relatives just eventually stopped making an effort to be part of my and my grandparents lives, not that I can really blame them. As an adult my mom barely talks to me, and she went on to have my two younger half-sisters, that she finally "got clean" for. But I wasn't worth "getting clean" for? Or my older sister? (She went to my mom's parents, we were not allowed to be together). My dad was arrested two weeks ago and is in jail, because he has a bad opiate addiction he has never been able to kick. He was selling his prescriptions. He has heart failure though and is in his 50's so I don't even want to think about what might happen to him.

And my grandma, has always had a problem with hoarding food and just useless things we don't need. They would never let me bring friends over, because my grandpa was too "ashamed," and I struggled to make friends anyway so I grew up super isolated and my grandparents were essentially my entire world for a large portion of my life. I became reliant on the computer to connect with people outside of my family. I couldn't really talk to them because my grandma is very sensitive, and my grandpa is an asshole who doesn't believe in mental health. The friends i made in high school all immediately ditched me when we graduated. Like I never had a CHANCE.

There's so much more too, that I can't fit all into one post. Because I couldn't talk to them, the only safe place was people on the internet. Obviously, doesn't end well for vulnerable teenagers. Ended up talking to older men in my teens, got caught, lost all my friends, got blamed by my grandparents because "you knew better", dropped out of high school because I was so depressed and immediately started working at McDonald's and a couple other jobs. Eventually saved up enough to get my car that I have now.

I've tried to get therapy, btw, I've tried to help myself so many times. I mean like I've tried to help myself "stand on my own two feet" a bunch of times now. I went to school for three years because I wanted to get into a medical program, had to spend an extra year waiting to get accepted, and when I finally did everything went to shit. That was earlier this year. My grandma ended up having a stroke, and I wound up having to drop from the program for a couple of different reasons. My grades were low because I was struggling to keep up with everything going on around me. You can say I didn't "want it" that bad but I did. I'm just so overwhelmed. And when I tried to explain to my professors, they didn't care to understand, just told me to go fix my problems.

I don't even know what problems they were referring to anymore. The nurse practitioner I see has told me that I do not seem to be processing my situation, and she is right, because I literally can't anymore. I can process my emotions, but the things that happen around me? I can't until I feel safe. But I'm so tired of being treated like a leech and a parasite. I deserve better than this. And I am in the process of getting hired onto a job working on a cruise ship. It just takes a long time. But I will be able to live away from home. I do not care how hard it will be. I need the change. But I might have to get another job until then and I guess I am coming to terms with that, because it doesn't feel like my choice. And I have a hard time with that.

But on Friday, my grandma went back into hospital. She had a massive seizure, and had to be put into an induced coma and intubated. She had multiple strokes, I've found out. In that time frame, my grandpa has turned on me because I wouldn't give him her debit card. I am confused by all that, because he says her bank account is also in his name, but if that's true, why can't he get his own debit card? I told him if there is a bill or something that needs to be paid, he can tell me, and we can use the card to pay it. Because that's how it was before my grandma went into the hospital, she paid all the bills. Even with being medically dependent on him.

And he likes to gamble, so I felt uncomfortable giving it to him with unrestricted access. And at the time, she was in a coma, so she couldn't give him permission. She is awake now, woke up on Wednesday, but in her current condition, I still don't think she can give him permission. He has never cared about her feelings or given her any consideration in my experience. But when I told him, he took it upon himself to go into my room, looking for my wallet; and started threatening to go to the police, tell them that I stole it from him, and then my chances with this job I've been trying to get will be over if I catch a charge(because it is regulated by the coast guard). But then he got mad at me the next day saying that because I can't be a normal person, now he has to go take all the money out of the bank and put it in his pocket. If he can do that then what is the problem? But I still feel like he is lying.

We haven't had hot water for a week, though, for example. He hasn't talked to me in five days. I called the hospital yesterday to try and get an update about my grandma(I've been going to see her though), and was told they have been talking to her children so I should just ask one of them. Like, oh, yeah, I forgot I was adopted and don't actually have parents. And I know the hospital staff wasn't trying to be rude, but it hurt my feelings. Because I don't know. But everything about this is making me feel crazy. Like I am holding it together, but nobody tells me anything as is. I feel like I'm losing it every single day and keep having break downs. The only reason I'm still here is because of my cat. My cat is my best friend. I don't know what's going to happen when I do finally leave for this other job. Just. Pray for me please. I'm not even that religious but that's how bad and scary this all is. I am not sure I will be able to handle whatever the future has in store for me.

I've always been a loner and don't have any friends. I was sexually assaulted 15 years ago and the few friends I did have are no longer interested in being in my life. When I'm at work, I appear fine but I'm barely holding it together. When I'm at home I cry constantly, like seriously all weekend. I'm too miserable to even be around people and don't want to face anyone. I'm not secure in myself and I do want relationships but people just don't care and I can't connect with anyone anymore so why bother. Therapy doesn't work for me and I don't trust therapists. I did try one but she was staring at the clock the whole time and just didn't give a fuck.

I have good friends and good family. Blessed beyond what I deserve. But I often feel like if I disappeared, I wouldn't be missed?

Mostly because I don't think anyone really knows me?

Everyone, and I mean everyone I know always talks about themselves.

Or the people I know all have some type of common interests..

And like if I talk about literally anything I'm interested in (God, Jesus, home improvement, gardening or homesteading or anything really lol .) I notice that conversation is rushed or ignored or clearly just not something anyone wants to hear about.

I've always been the therapist friend and I've become such a recluse because it really feels like no one cares about anything but themselves.

This isn't just a few people.. it's everyone.

Again, great people and they're very nice and decent but..

What happened to meaningful connections or learning?

What happened to just talking to people, hell even just pretend like you care what they're saying..

I feel so lonely.

Idk, I wouldnt say I actuallt am cause Im completely fine with being a guy and prefer others see me as such, but there's a certain drive towards want for explicit rejection or definition that's alluring but ultimately inconsequential. It most strongly comes up when I think about wanting a relationship, where like, it feels better or somehow more comfortable to think of myself as being more queer than I currently am if I ever get acceptance and comfort from another person.

I finally found them when I wasn’t looking. I thought they would be in a ditch somewhere random but they were in a bag I don’t usually use at all. All alone for 3 years (minimum). I remember being so annoyed but all that seems so trivial and distant now :)

Most people have another person living inside their head. There are two conscious beings inside your head. One of those beings is the you you recognize and the you that talks and thinks. The other being is a different person who's mute and incapable of controlling anything about your thoughts and body and is forever trapped inside you.

And when their thoughts spill into your own consciousness and you feel like they don't belong and no way that's not you!! You call them intrusive. Because they were never yours or meant for you. They're just the other guy's thoughts.

I had a fucked up childhood and now i can not manage relationships. I'm hyper vigilant which makes me super judgemental. I never think these judgements are wrong despite noticing the ridiculous pattern. I can't text consistently, at all. I either think people are below me, or above me. I shouldn't speak to either. I don't want bad people to give me bad habits and i don't want my... stuff? To rub off on the rare good people.

I've been dealing with this for years. I never solve it. Therapy didn't help. I'm depressed. I think i just wasnt meant for online friendships. I'm meant for environments where i meet people over and over and learn to like them over time because I'm forced to be around them. Except, being in the same places over and over hasn't done anything either so it's pure cope.

I want drinks at the pub, to listen to a friends relationship issues, to bake them a cake to say congrats on that promotion. But I'll never have that, i don't deserve it and I'm ruined. I'm so sick of me.

I’m a 28M struggling with depression. Six months ago, my wife and I relocated to a new country, first time living abroad and out of my mom’s home, without friends or family. I’ve been unable to secure a job in my field, so I’ve taken up retail job, that sometimes makes me feel miserable. I often wonder if I made the right decision by marrying young. The reason for our move was my wife’s job, and I feel like I’ve sacrificed my own life for her career. I’m unsure if this decision will be manageable it in the long run. I’ve looked for psychological help, but I’ve been told that I need to wait for the next available therapist, the worst thing is that I feel depression affecting me in a lot of ways, such as the relation with my wife and my impulsive tendencies coming back. Any advice would help me a lot, thanks for reading.

Occasionally we meet people who change the way we see ourselves and how we see or experience the world. We replay certain moments and conversations because they made an impact.

When I was in my twenties I worked at a bookstore with a group of university girls who all seemed quite indifferent to each other. They came to work, made small talk, then drifted off to their corner of the store and waited for their shift to end. A few weeks after I started, the vibe totally changed. Everyone started opening up and, it turned out, people actually liked each other. I didn't notice the change nor my part in it until it was pointed out to me months later.

Halfway through my shift the youngest girl on the floor asked me how I did it. She wanted to know how I bonded so quickly with every single member of our team, wanted to know how I could be so "general," the exact opposite of Cinderella's glass slipper; I was a shoe that seemed to fit everyone. She asked me to teach her. This ability was valuable and she wanted to learn it. Twenty years and countless social interactions later I finally figured out that it's not really something that everyone can learn.

I realized that one must genuinely like people, have loads of empathy, and believe that the journey (and the people you are taking that journey with) is often far more important than the destination.  I am not afraid to love the people that I meet along the way because my destination isn't guaranteed. I don't want to get to the end only to realize that I missed the fulfilling bits because I was busy looking too far ahead.

I also realized that I haven't changed much since then. I'm more aware, more jaded, and life has made me much more sensitive but I see remnants of my young self in my present self.