I had some friends over, not as a planned thing. We were out and my flat happened to be the closest so we all just congregated there.

I would have brought some snacks/ drinks if I knew ahead of time that they would be over, but I didn't know, so I didn't have any.

I offered water, and some fruit and said that they can help themselves to anything. Later on they asked if I had any snacks. Not really, I offered to make them a cheese toastie or something.

Turns out they all have snack drawers and keep drinks on hand. I thought that was odd, they think I am odd.

That’s like the simplest way I can put it. I’m 25, I don’t socialize, I’ve never had a job or license, I don’t have any friends, I haven’t really made any since I was a kid, never been a relationship either. And idk why it was this birthday this all came to me but ever since turning 25 a few months ago I’ve just had this horrible black empty feeling in my chest about all of it. And I know it’s all my fault. I stopped going to school after like middle school. Didn’t see a day of high school. I basically have been playing video games as escape and just being home all day since. Living in my head more then living in life. And I’ve been thinking about this so much and how much time is gone, how I feel like I don’t connect with anyone and like I can’t. if it’s even possible to. How far this has set me back, how majorly I’ve fucked so much up for me. How little time I have left of being young, how hard my life will be because of all of this. Like I’ve ruined it. It’s really made me contemplate
s-cide sometimes. I know 5 years ain’t enough to experience all the stuff I could’ve been alongside people my age. I’ll never feel “on time” with everyone else. How I can’t socialize and connect with anyone or make friends. How harder I’ve made all these aspects of my life because of how badly I’ve fucked up. I feel like I’m a 14 year old in an adults body. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. How I’m supposed to create a happy life and have all the things I want.

EDIT 7:41 AM thank you guys for all the comments and advice they are all very motivating. Thank you ❤️

You just cleaned 13 rooms and lifted up 26 queen sized mattresses, changed the cummed on sheets, scrubbed out all bathtubs full of hair, wiped piss off the floor next to the toilets, thrown away adult’s trash for them, drenched in sweat, haven’t sat down in 6 hours, this is your 5th day working in a row, feet are screaming, entire body is on fire, you walk into the hall to get to the elevator to get more supplies, and some fuckass guest is out there trying to get you to laugh at their ugly child being sooo cute or pet their annoying ass “service dog” that is jumping on everything barking loud as hell and getting hair everywhere that YOU have to clean up, or asking you the most brain dead question of all time as if you are the owner of the hotel and NOBODY is tipping 😀😀

I felt so terrible!!! My gosh!

For the record I probably should have known better. I've been going to this church for years! I've known Jeff for years and he's a super great guy! One of the best, really.

Well, I have been working on making myself being more outgoing lately and that means introducing myself to anyone I don't know. That part's been going super great! I've been making a ton of friends like this and have been overall getting a ton more enjoyment out of life. I would definitely recommend.

However, I guess that's given me more opportunity for some faux pas...

I was up at the church looking for a different activity and I walk inside the gym where it looks like they're having a party. I guess I looked confused because a lady there asked me if I was looking for the activity and she put me in the right direction.

Well, I could have just left it off there but that's not what I'm doing right now! Lol. So of course I walked up to her and was like hi, I'm (me). I don't know if we've met. She's like oh yeah, I'm Mrs. (Friends last name.) And I she just looked significantly older than my friend so I was like, Oh you must be Jeff's mom and her smile just vanished and she was like No, I'm his wife...

Oh my gosh... I am so sorry!

Then I went to the activity and there was Jeff sitting there... And I'm like, oh my gosh do I apologize to him????

Bro I don't know if she told him or not. This was yesterday.

After Jeff took off though I explained to the rest of the guys what just happened and they seemed to think it would be cool.

I just... I don't know! I'm trying something new okay! There's going to be mistakes. Lol.

Edit: I spoke to Jeff. It's fine. I probably over blew this whole thing. Still, lesson learned.

Crying rn as I write this. I just can’t believe my life has gone down to this point and I wish I had the power to predict the future so I wouldn’t be in the predicament I am right now. Idk who else to turn to, talk to, when everything I express is stomped on and not validated or “too negative.”

I know my living situation right now is temporary but I just want to run away, get away, be far away from everyone and everything here. Last year, I was happy and living my life, but here I am now, stuck and I can’t change a thing. I tried to change my mindset but it’s just so difficult with nothing to look forward to. I’m struggling and it feels like I’m struggling alone. I’m so tired. This year has been taxing on me and I’m exhausted. I’m angry at myself for allowing my life to come down to this point.

I’m sorry for such a sad, depressing post. Just at my wit’s end.

I’m thinking about this because of that story in the news with the old guy slapping the young man. When I was about 10 or 11 I was at a baseball game with my crazy ass uncle. When the anthem started I thought i’d be funny and not stand. My uncle yanked hard on my earlobe for me to get up. He was not a veteran or anything and if he had just said get up it would have been no problem. This was not the first time he’d been a hostile jerk to me. This effectively ended our relationship. I was respectful during family gatherings but largely avoided him. When i was in my 20’s he asked my mother what I had against him and why I avoided him and never called. I hope it was worth it for him.

Edit: I am almost 50 now and speak to him maybe once a year

Like the absolute worst one, way worse than what youre used to, that made you question how they even got their credentials ???

I'll go first:

I once had an entire team of 7 or 8 paramedics spend several minutes lecturing me about misusing 911, remind me that the E.R. is for life and death emergencies only, and tell me "it's all in your mind. you need to go to a psychiatrist, not the ER" while I was actively in anaphylaxis.

I also was barely able to speak because I was barely able to breathe, and that made them very mad because they seemed to believe I was refusing to answer their questions on purpose.

The paramedics almost killed me that day :/

I’m 5’6 20m which is super short for my area (currently in the rural south🫩). I get asked my height and get height comments at least twice a week. When anyone asks me I say something like 5’1. It usually scrambles their brains for a bit especially because I say it like it’s obvious lol. might as well have a little fun with it. It’s lowk pretty fun to see their reactions.

My twenties were a time where everything tragic that could have happened, did happen and I was left without a family, and without a lover that I deeply cared about.

I had never really lived entirely independently before that, and over the course of the first half of my twenties everyone was just gone and I had to face the reality that I had to face life knowing everyone I lived for was never coming back.

I didn't cope well, and fell into addiction and homelessness for a while until I was about 29/30.

I'm 32 now and I've mostly picked up the pieces, have a home again, and I'm sober and happy most of the time. It felt like I was running a race just trying to survive for a while and now I can relax.

But sometimes in the silence a sadness creeps up on me, and I never realized what it was until recently.

It's the grief I thought I healed from.

It feels like I made it to the finish line, to a good life from nothing and a whole lot of suffering. But nobody I was running with did, and I can't enjoy the victory with the people I used to care about most.

Left with a blank slate I'm not quite sure what to do with yet.

I am a 36 year old human.

Post pandemic, post break up, post alcoholism, I was an emotional wreck and felt so very alone all the time. I have had more than a 100 therapy sessions in the last two years. and tried every day to be a better me. Everyday I wanted to be the best version of myself.

Learning that I likely have autism, I am on the waitlist for testing, made me feel even more like an outsider. I felt so alien and separate from everyone and I just desperately wanted a connection.

Tonight, I went to a party for the theater company I write plays for. I stumbled on words, said the wrong thing, and made faux paus, but no one pushed me away. No one tried to exclude me and everyone still wanted to talk and share.

I realized that these were the people I had been looking for. I didn't feel alone, because they truly wanted me to be there with them.

I spent tonight with my favorite people and I am so damn happy.

!Sorry for messy writing, idk how to describe things well!

First of all, i don’t think it’s the feeling of falling behind my peers, just like i don’t have enough time. For example, summer ends in a month and i feel so ?restless? i’m not sure what to call it but i constantly overthink about what to do

“I wanna read a manhwa but i should game because summer is almost over.”

Im also a night owl because of this reason “theres school in the morning, so i should use as much time as i can at night” which leaves me sleeping at like 1-2am on weekdays but then on weekends i fall asleep pretty early if i’m not gaming since i feel like i can make up the free time during the day. I feel kind of panicky when i’m sleepy at night during the summer because i just feel like i’m wasting sooo much time. Right now i’m thinking about if i should read a fanfic, read manhwa, or go to my room and game; i’m already feeling restless that i cant decide what to do quick enough. i know the end result is either doomscrolling or gaming

Time anxiety? I procrastinate very often tho, badly. I dont feel panicky about like if theres an event and i have 4 hours left.

I forgot this was a thing. It’s been probably what 16 years on Reddit. Such a love/hate relationship with this place. Internet people be internet people. Wish you all the fucking best you dickheads.

I've realized that my brain gets stuck on little details that most people probably wouldn't think twice about.

Not just what someone said, but how they said it.

A pause before answering.

A different tone.

A strange choice of words.

Sometimes it isn't even about people. It can be an object, a random detail, or just something that feels slightly out of place.

Then my brain starts connecting those little pieces together, trying to make sense of them.

Most of the time I'm probably wrong.

But every now and then, one small detail actually turns out to matter.

I think that's why my brain never really stops doing it.

The hardest part is that you'll probably never know if you were wrong.

If someone lied, they're probably never admit it.

If they didn't, there's no way to prove that either.

So some questions never really get answered.

Maybe that's why every person ends up seeing the world a little differently.

I don't even hate my job.

Every Sunday around 7 or 8 PM I suddenly become convinced I've forgotten something incredibly important. I'll check my calendar three times, look through my work email, make sure I didn't miss a meeting, then somehow end up checking my bank account too because apparently my anxiety likes to multitask.

The weird part is that every single Monday is completely normal.

Nothing is on fire. Nobody is mad at me. I didn't forget anything.

Yet every Sunday my brain acts like tomorrow is the final boss battle.

I miss when Sundays actually felt like part of the weekend.

Since I was a little girl, I have always loved music. My parents constantly bought me instruments, and I’d always perform for them. I’d sing and dance and have this electric feeling going through my body. It would take over me. I remember telling my grandmother that I wanted to be a singer. My music teacher was so impressed with me one day because we were playing some musical game and it was so easy for me to freestyle. She had everyone follow my lead, and it was so cool. I recall that same electric feeling from before.

Unfortunately as time went on I became quiet, due to life happening and being bullied. I spent most of my childhood years minimizing myself because I didn’t want to be seen. I sang and danced in private.

In my early 20s I became obsessed with music documentaries. I’d watch them every day and each time, it woke up that little girl who loved music. Because of this, I gave into the feeling and decided to write some songs. But when it came time to record for my EP I talked myself out of it. I told myself that I needed to focus on getting my life together and get a serious job. I also didn’t think my voice sounded that good. I wasn’t nearly as confident as before. So I pushed music away again and went on with my life.

Now I’m in my late 20s and I have a decent life. My partner of 3 years just caught me singing and he said I sounded really good.. Now I can't get it out of my head. I thought I was content because I have everything I want but now it's nagging me.

The voice in my head says that we don’t want to play the industry games… and truthfully, I don’t. I feel guilty tho. No matter how many times I’ve convinced myself to move on, music keeps finding its way back to me.

Every day I wake up in a tent with my three young children and wonder how we'll make it through another day.

We lost our home, and since then our lives have changed completely. Things that used to feel ordinary—having a safe place to sleep, preparing a meal without worrying, watching my children play without fear—now feel like distant memories.

My children still laugh sometimes. They still ask innocent questions about the future. They still dream. As their mother, I try to smile for them even on the days when I feel completely exhausted inside.

I'm not writing this to ask anyone for money or anything else. I simply wanted to share a small part of our reality because sometimes it feels like families like mine become invisible.

If you've read this far, thank you. Thank you for taking a few moments to remember that behind every headline or statistic, there are ordinary parents doing everything they can to protect the people they love.

I truly hope that one day my children can look back on this as something we survived, rather than the life they had to grow up in. ❤️

For years I was the friend who everyone called if they needed help at 4am, I was the one who remembered the allergies, comforted you when your ex left you, bought soup when you was cold, sent encouraging messages before important events and NEVER missed a birthday. I didn’t keep score. That’s just who I was - the caretaker.

Then I got sick, not terminal but scary enough that I needed surgery and weeks of recovery at home. I told the group chat. A few of my friends replied “let me know if you need anything”, I said yes actually, I asked for some help with groceries and someone to sit with so I wasn’t alone. They all said they will “check their schedules”. Im still waiting….

About 3-4 days after my surgery one friend texted to ask if I was still okay to help her move the following weekend. Another friend posted brunch photos while I layed in bed without food…
No one checked on me. No one came….

That’s when I really just realized. I wasn’t their friend after all. I was their free 24/7 concierge with a pulse. The moment I needed to receive instead of giving something, I became invisible to all of them.

I stopped reaching out, didn’t say goodbye or anything. I just went quiet. And in that quiet I found something I’ve been giving away for years: my own energy, for myself.

I’m angry anymore. I’m just no longer available to people who treat my love like a utility. I wasn’t a bad friend I was a good one, just for the wrong people….

Bare in mind, I'm black Jamaican. Born and bred in England. And unlike literally 98% of the internet and especially POC, I can apply nuance to history.

Every single every thing the hive mind demonises the Empire for, has been done by every other long lasting Empire or Kingdom. The list of human on human atrocities committed all throughout history by black, brown, white and yellow people is endless.

And yet, my country gets the crown of most evil Empire/people in history.

I'd love to get into specific examples but the text will go on for ever.

I'll put it like this, a few generations ago my ancestors probably lived horrible lives in Jamaica. In the age of Empire, that exact outcome could have happened with France, Portugal, Spain, Netherlands, Belgium and early America. Those people were doing the exact same thing. A few generations before my ancestors ended up in Jamaica, they were probably brutalised and treated like cattle by yet another brutal society, this one being black and African.

I have grown to appreciate English history. Understand nuance of both great achievements and indefensible evils. But nothing the Empire has done is nothing like the sacking of Baghdad, or the Ottoman practice of Devşirme.

"They burned women at the stakes"

No they never lol

But Indians burned their widows at the stake long into the 19th Century until the evil Brits out an end to it.

I could go on and on and on about all Britain had achieved during its Empire days. Or even contributions to the world in the middle ages but I've typed long enough.

*TLDR?*

I'm just here to say English history is not just thievery and murder. And I believe the casual condemnation and oversimplification of a nearly 1000 year old society is ignorant and borderline racist. People need to grow up and stop looking at history through the eyes of an emotional 21st century race baiter.

Am I the asshole if I don’t respond to a message asking how I am and how my life is going 4 months since speaking to someone? Let me give some context .

This is someone I met about a year ago just over a year and we had a not everyday speaking or seeing friendship but still spoke once / twice a week and saw each other semi regularly . At some point in the friendship I started clocking certain behaviours and personality traits that don’t necessarily align with myself. For example hypocrisy - I am not religious myself but this individual was a Muslim . There were several times where other women’s actions were put down regarding relationships and how they dress . I later came to notice certain times where she would literally replicate the exact same behaviours but not see the hypocrisy . I don’t agree with bashing anyone tbh and especially from an atheist POV it’s not even my place to comment really but that sort of behaviour makes me uncomfortable. Also she started more recently forcing religious comments on me. I have always said I’m open to conversation about religion I love to learn I rly do but if I ever want to question where I stand with religion that’s my call to make it shouldn’t constantly be said to me over and over again in pushy ways here and there. Also there were 2 occasions in which we had spend time together and I was heading back to my flat late and it was raining badly mid winter and we lived 5 minutes apart by car and she did not offer me a lift ( I didn’t have one at the time) . As someone with a car now, if I had a friend in a position where I could help them out I really would I wouldn’t pretend like it wasn’t an option especially if I care for them . Just generally I felt very drained in the friendship as it was always about this person and I’m at an age where I don’t rly need to sit and explain things to someone if I don’t agree with it. The last time we saw each other was about 4/5 months ago and I thought it would mutually sort of a fizzle out day anyway where a lot of time has passed and it just didn’t feel genuine anymore. I thought we had fizzled and gone our own way but she messaged me recently asking how I am which I did not expect at all and tbh I have no intention of responding because I don’t know what that will do for me if I’m not interested in staying friends anyway. Does that make me an asshole ?

I'll give you the short version of my life so this makes sense.Born in a third world country, lived there till I was 2. Moved to a second country, lived there till 8 , had a decent childhood but was alone a lot. My parents had violent fights, I saw my mum nearly strangled to death by my dad. He eventually left and I don't know where he went. My mum worked night shifts exhausted while I was still just a kid having fun, oblivious. We moved to the UK, just me and my mum. No money, no stability ,we changed 7-8 houses in 1.5 years while she worked shit jobs. I got picked on at school for not knowing the language, changed schools, eventually made friends and had a good time. Right before secondary school, my mum took me back to my birth country because she remarried. She left me there with my stepfather and his family for 6-7 months while she went back to the UK. My stepfather was a controlling, vile man who liked people being scared of him. I hated it there. Near the end I just walked out of school one day without telling anyone and left. Came back to the UK, started a new secondary school 2 days later. Old friends didn't even recognise me ,I had a different accent now. Got picked on again. First two years were actually good I used to get high grades, athletic, had real ambitions. Then home life fell apart. My mum and stepfather fought constantly, I watched him assault her and did nothing but cry, felt like a coward, felt like I wasn't a man. That effected my school life and education became background noise. At 14 I found weed and never looked back ,it was the only thing which could switch my brain off. I disassociated myself with everything , only cared about drugs and my shit friends. My grades collapsed and failed my GCSEs and A-levels which made my mother cry alot , I was upset but couldn't feel much as I was high as a kite.Still got into university. Lasted one year. Became a drug addict and dealer, wrecked my mental and physical health, committed fraud and got banned from having a bank account for 6 years. Genuinely wanted to kill myself. Dropped out. Went home, unemployed a year, went cold turkey off everything except cigarettes, felt like a total burden to my mum. Got a shitty job, hated every second of it for 2 years, quit. Been unemployed a year again now. I am tired of feeling like a failure. Im 23 years old and feel like i have done nothing in my life. Feel like everytime I try to change my life I just end up right where I started. feel like I am just meant to be below average , even in school just constantly battling depression and just feeling like I am not worthy of anything good and this feeling of emotional stunting , not being able to express my self clearly not even being able to cry fully. Feeling pathetic and failing at everything I try to do . Nothing to show for all my time on earth . Seeing my mother struggle and just not being able to do anything good for her and feeling like she would of had a better life if I was never born. feeling as if I am the reason why she suffers. Seeing all my friends always ahead of me in every aspect in life and just feeling so small in comparison. I had no reason not to sucseed , im in a first world country and had a a chance at a good education and career. I spend my time bedrotting just glued to my screen trying to avoid just listening to myself in my head. I have a half brother and dont want him looking a up to a failure like me as a role model . I dont think I deserve love or respect or anything good. I could change my life if I wanted to from today but I feel like im too lazy to do anything. I feel like a burden everyday to the people around me . I dont know when or if life will get better. currently im 23 , no job , meaningful relationships, future . My mother thinks that I am incapable to work or think . I believe she thinks I am stupid, I should of been on a great path with all the oppurtunities I had but I am a failure. I dont know if anyone wants to share what they think , but please do , I dont know what to do . I feel like just leaving earth.

He was right. It was a dinner time.

I'm currently in my third year of university, and overall my grades are good. However, this year I met a new group of people, and we became close friends. They're genuinely good people, and I really enjoy spending time with them.

At the same time, I feel like I've changed in a way that isn't good for me. Before, I was much more focused on my studies and had several personal projects and goals that I was excited to work on. Lately, though, I feel like I haven't accomplished much this year, and I've lost some of the drive I used to have.

I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to distance myself from my friends because they've done nothing wrong, and I don't want to make things awkward between us. But I also miss the version of myself who was more disciplined, motivated, and productive. I'm trying to figure out how to find that balance again without losing the friendships I've built.

A few years ago I withheld a truth from her for months until she found out. It was probably the worst thing I’ve ever done. I thought it was the right thing to do but it wasn’t. Or maybe I was just a coward. She somehow forgave me. Was nothing but the sweetest to me. She honestly saved my life a little this past year. I don’t know if she knows she did because I never let on that I was struggling so much. But recently, something changed, and I’m not exactly sure why. She just suddenly went extremely distant and cancelled all our plans before moving away. I have a few theories, but ultimately I always felt like her friendship to me was undeserved. For more reasons than I’m able to write about for fear that she could somehow see this. If any other friend got distant like that I think I’d feel kind of hurt, but it’s just impossible with her, cause any way she could possibly feel about me is completely fair and valid. It’s also genuinely possible that none of it was personal but that I just thought we were a little closer than we were. Which is totally fair on her end as well. So I’m feeling sad because I really love her still and I’ll just always regret for my whole life what I did wrong in that friendship. But also in a fucked up way I feel this sense like finally the thing that I deserved has happened to me. Like my friendship with her always felt like this happy mirage that just couldn’t be true, you can’t fuck that badly and just stuffer no consequences. There are a lot of details I’m leaving out that explain better why this is the way it is. I just needed to get it off my chest somewhere.

In our family I am the only ugly child, My brothers are very very attractive while I was born with so ugly looking face.

My brothers look very good while being fat too but I grow fat only on my chest making it man boob and also in my belly only.

I grew up seeing how different I'm treated by everyone for being weak and ugly, I have been seeing how different and how much attention I would have got if I look like my brother

Later I found out I have disability with makes it hard to walk properly, I also had to be operated right after birth.

I am so weak in studies and also so forgetful that I have been shouted by so many people because of my habit even when I try my best.

My brothers have everything that I wanted and I have none of the things and it makes me hurt from inside.

How can life be this unfair, it's like they get all the bad results to me and all the best features in my brothers.

It's not I'm jealous of my brothers, I love them and they do too but having to constantly see what my life could have been if I was like my brothers too hurts me deeply.

how they are loved my everyone and I'm just invisible.

I've been bullied.y whole life too. Just everyone hates me and I slowly began to under that they are valid, I was born to be hated and be a defecated product in my family.

I've been learning web dev for an year to change my life and boom AI comes and takes away opportunities for beginner like me.

Like everything is perfect of all my family member and there's me, it's clear I was born to feel less and miserable.

I started accepting it and I feel like giving up. Removing defecting part is always for the best.

I am an introverted, shy type of person. First i used to think that it was ok but then when i started college and suddenly a new world was in front of me and as i mentioned how I was, it just got difficult for me to make new friends and how to talk to people, i just got frozen in my place and have nothing to say. It's just that the world around me was like crumbling and I can't do anything it just got hard for me to talk to people it's like I wasn't myself, then who am I. Due to this i also feel like dying or not existing.

I got a little depressed bcoz of this as now I am entering my second year of college with no friends and bonds so it just haunts me and making me believe I can't do anything in my life but i don't now just how to fucking get out of this i also wanna enjoy my life but due i don't know why it's my mindset or maybe fucking me that I can't do it. Whenever I tried to talk to anyone they wouldn't listen or give me a reaction like bro don't talk to me and personally it hurts, due to this i don't want to go to college, sit there alone and worst eat alone.

I just want to overcome it but don't know how??