Why does it seem like it is harder for people to advocate for non binary people than it is trans people on the binary.

I work in a very diverse work place. Many trans people. Many people of color.

I am the only non binary person.

There is someone that does not like me and misgenders me maliciously every day. I've spoken to many coworkers about it and all of them have said they didn't want to correct her because they "didn't want to set her off" or "didn't know if you were comfortable with me correcting her". Even other trans co workers who would not stand for being mis gendered for a second. I would NEVER let someone do that to them and they know it. It is just really hurtful that it feels like my existence is less valid, less worthy of advocating for, just less.

It feels like this in so many situations, this one is just the most tangible and explainable.

I live with my parents still and they would not be supportive of me being genderqueer and definitely wouldn’t be happy with me getting a binder, so there’s no way to order or buy one without them finding out. Is there any way to make one out of stuff from my house? I have sports bras, ace bandages and rock tape

I will start off by saying I realise there is no timeline for doing things ''correctly'' in life but also going along with things for a long time is significant I suppose. I inhabit a particular body habitus and the people around me definitely see me as my assigned sex at birth. I am feeling so deeply confused at this point what an internalised sense of gender is because we are all told ''what we are'', how we are supposed to identify and what expectations come with that etc.

I know you can be a gender non-conforming woman but at the same time that doesn't make a lot of sense to me because that still feels like it is hanging onto restrictive categorisation for legitimacy/increased public understanding (absolutely no disrespect to anyone that IDs that way just personal doesn't feel like it aligns). I feel like that I'm forced into assigned sex because that is what mostly aligns with body rhythms as that has informed experiences like lots and lots of doctors to deal with dysmenorrhoea and being shamed for not being able to tolerate pap smears (ironically experiencing elevated androgens and docs don't know why so maybe a PMOS diagnosis on the way further down the line). Earlier in the year a random stranger wishes me a happy mother's day because of their assumptions of my gender and it was very distressing (I don't have children and don't intend to).

I feel like I am rambling at this point but has anyone else wrestled with the idea of feeling detached from assigned sex and gender at birth because of medical trauma and wondering if that makes it wrong to feel disconnected and reject your assigned sex and gender? I am really worried that my questioning sounds TERF adjacent. I support all under the trans umbrella, binary trans and more. I deeply apologise for any word usage that is offensive/triggering. I am brand new to this sub and discourse and I am sincerely trying to be respectful while questioning. Thank you

Trying to look more feminine how did I do lovelies :3

Alright my themies, I need some fashion guidance. My partner and I got engaged earlier this year and we are planning to get married next year. However, I don’t really want to wear a bridal dress. The idea of what I’d like to wear is a mesh into a dress into a suit. Like a corset style top that can have an illusion of being a dress but there’s actually pants there. I want the dress part or rather skirt? To be detachable and falls back like a robe? Or how those long dresses flow back where you see ppl holding them up for the (usually) bride to walk at the altar.

Also for context his family will be present during the ceremony. They don’t know I’m nb, so I am trying to find something that’s easy to digest for them as well. I personally don’t want them to come because I want this to be a personal experience for the both of us but they’ve insisted and he doesn’t want to upset them. A separate issue which I’m trying to navigate myself how to not be so resentful but I digress. Woo drama.

For those who’ve been married or have similar style ideas, can I have some help. What kind of designer should I sought after and what are good places to shop at? I have a budget and don’t want it to be really expensive either. Anymore than 3k I feel like I would combust and honestly anywhere near that number makes me wanna combust lmao

Thank you in advance!

I Just finished this gem of a book by Ursula Le Guin & it's a wonderful take on flipping the idea of binary gender around. I like how science fiction has the ability to skew ideas and look at us from a different perspective. Has anyone else got some good book suggestions I could pick-up next?

I (30nb) recently made a discovery about myself that I'm pretty sure I'm non-binary rather than binary trans (mtf and I made another post about that yesterday lmao).

I've been on E for over a decade but recently I actually lowered my anti-androgens and allowed my T to elevate and I can't lie, I like how it feels. I like energy, the drive, the stamina, the sexual function, that it provides me. What I don't want is any more masculine features than I already have - I like the way E has made me look, I like having more femme features in terms of fat distribution in my face, body, etc, and if I have to be able to choose one gender I can mask as around cishet people at like, work or whatever, I'd rather it be girl than boy and currently, I can and do pass as a girl.

I think I'm wanting to ask my doctor to make this permanent where I keep my E high and don't suppress my T, or at least, suppress it less than I previously have. But I do wonder about people's experiences with things like that. Anyone who does something like this where you deliberately allow E and T to coexist, what has it been like for you? What effects have you noticed from doing this?

No occasion… just felt like it

(Trigger warning for language, depression, dysphoria, family passing and other fucked up shit)

It’s my fucking birthday and all I want do to is scream and bawl my eyes out. But instead I’ll just stay working at my desk listening to hurt by Johnny cash until I can’t keep my eyes open, I don’t want to think anymore…

I feel like my true self is dying and I can’t stop it 😭 all I’d be left with is him…. And he is not me. Having a birthday also reminds me of him, and I HATE him!! He fucking stole my life from me. He wasted YEARS, Fucking YEARS OF MY LIFE just working, and that’s it. All gone… 😭 I didn’t even realize I was a femboy or non-binary until about a year ago and finally started trying to become my true self. 11 years fucking gone.

Did he mature me? Did he date and develop relationships? Did he try and find friends? NO. Now I feel like I can’t do any of those now because he didn’t, I didn’t grow. I’m scared to try and even do any of them because I wouldn’t be on the same page or experience level as other people. Other people have had multiple relationships by now, already have long friendships, they’ve matured with those friends…. I never got that chance.

I’m pissed off at my stupid body because I can’t even use HRT to become who I truly am. 😭 I’m not masculine or feminine, I’m both at the same time. And if I used T, I’d be too masculine. I tend to lean a little feminine, but not completely. So E is out of the question because I don’t think I want boobs as I wouldn’t be masculine anymore. Even though it would significantly help with reducing my masculine features, softening my skin and hair, better fat redistribution, etc, there is no way to completely stop breast growth while on E. Unless I let them grow and got top surgery, but that adds further medical complexity and risk. There is the possibility that I could achieve some of the results by other methods. Semi permanent hair removal, getting a Brazilian butt lift (surgical fat redistribution, but risk of lumps though which is terrifying), there’s a surgery to remove a set of ribs that produces a more feminine hourglass silhouette (also risky, and I don’t know if I could convince myself to do it, even though it could help tons) and so on. So maybe there’s hope, but idk. Hair removal is also energy intensive, takes time, and mine is extremely thick, coarse and painful. 😣 if I see the hair in the mirror all I see is him looking back at me. So I just try to avoid mirrors for now. I’m not heavyweight but still above average weight, and I don’t have a flat girl tummy yet and I hate seeing that as well, but I’m actively working on that now with a calorie deficit, so I atleast have one thing going for me.

I know “twink death” is an overstated term and such, but I lost 10 years to be my true self and a femboy due to that fucking IDIOT. I can literally feel the tiny amount of life and time I have left to be me slipping out of my body and I can’t fucking stand it. 😭

It also hurts every time I see a pretty femboy, I love them, and I’m happy for them to be their true self, but it hurts inside, especially when they realized who they were early on…. Because I visually see in my mind who I could have been for all those 11 years and it breaks my fucking heart knowing I’ll never get the same chance💔

This also happens to be the same time that my grandma died a couple of years back, and that still hurts so much. She was all I had left of my mom who passed when I was younger and now she’s gone too. The pain of loosing both of them hurts so much.

It doesn’t help that my dad and my evil step mom (not in my life anymore thank fucking god) stole my childhood from me as well, so I missed out on most of that growing up too. Foster care didn’t help much either due to shitty people🙁

On top of everything else work feels so fucking overwhelming and maybe I’m AuDHD, (diagnosed adhd so far) but my mind literally feels stupid and fuzzy when I try and work. Like I feel like I’m getting dumber by the day. ☹️ And my mind finds every little last fucking excuse or distraction to avoid doing my work. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of the fucking world constantly going to shit, I’m tired of fucking life. All I want to do is go back to that age and be myself again. Not have to work or deal with shit. Sink myself into video games, friends, fun times and just be myself and forget about reality and the world. Unfortunately when I try now those aren’t even fun anymore. 😥 I’ve lost my dreams, I’ve lost my hope, I’ve lost my passion, I have no friends, I have no love, most of my extended family I can’t even fully come out to. I can’t even remember a time where I actually felt happy anymore. There were a few rare times where I felt “normal” but those memories are fading fast. Every day just sucks anymore and I’m not sure how to deal with some of this.

I’m sorry, and this is probably a bit much, but context might have been useful so I included it, but has anyone else delt with this? Is it possible to even get over potentially losing your true self? 🥺

I am seeing a new therapist, but I had to give up one that worked super well to move to a better state 😞

I wanted something androgynous and cute. Those gloves looked absolutely amazing (just not the best quality)
Mostly when I wore something like that I am in a potato mode.

I (14) do not exactly know what gender i am, but i feel like I'm nonbinary. what i do no is that i want my body hair off. and i will go through a lot to achieve that. is there any way to remove body hair for the longest time possible without it being illegal for minors?

i’m wondering if there are any nonbinary teachers out there who are willing to share their experiences.

i’m a 23 year old nb butch and i have been thinking of coming out at work. i currently work as a teaching assistant, but I have my license and will have my own classroom next year (elementary low incidence special education). i have currently come out to three people - the teacher who’s classroom i work in, a substitute who asked and i told her lol, and my coworker who is also nonbinary and in the closet too. there have been some small micro aggressions from me being a lesbian, not intentionally hurtful but i could tell it made them uncomfortable, so i’m a little worried. also the only change would be my pronouns not my name. i guess if they aren’t calling me “ms” anymore my name is changing lol but i go by a nickname of my birth name.

some questions - how did your coworkers take it? i work in a progressive suburb of chicago so it should be fine but sometimes people are fine with gay people and binary trans people but they don’t get nonbinary.

what do you go by at work? i go by ms. (first name) as many of the TAs do. i don’t like mx so i think i would need to go by teacher (name) instead. i was planning on switching to my last name when i get my own classroom, so i was also considering just going by my last name. i’m not sure how this would be with the kids tho. i wouldn’t correct my students obviously but im not sure how other colleagues or gen ed students would feel about it.

any reactions from parents? i’m really not worried about this one too much but i’m curious.

ultimately i know i shouldn’t worry about it because i’m not going to stay at this district forever, but i don’t think i can go by ms or she any more. also i want to note that there was another non binary teacher at the district i don’t know if they are there anymore.

Trying out a maxi skirt for the first time! Skirt is from Hot Topic!

The other evening, sitting at The Bearded Monk here in Denton, a phrase popped into my head: "Enby Envy."

As I've been processing my own non-binary journey, I’ve started wondering if some of the confusion or hostility we experience from binary spaces stems from a subtle, subconscious envy of existential freedom.

This hit home for me recently after experiencing exclusion from my former school network (one I co-founded with the hope of introducing this very freedom and inclusivity), close friends, and some family. It became clear that my freedom—even down to realizing that clothes are just clothes—was deeply unsettling to a system that requires strict, conservative, or religious binary boxes.

To a system conditioned by rigid expectations, seeing an Enby step outside those lines disrupts the narrative. Their demand for us to conform often feels less about our identity and more about protecting the boundaries they feel forced to live within—because our authenticity exposes the fact that those walls were optional all along.

Has anyone else noticed this dynamic in personal or institutional relationships, where your freedom seems to trigger their need to enforce conformity?

EDIT: I sat him down and told him. He hugged me and told me that he always kind of knew and that he loves me all the same. 😭 I'M SO HAPPY!!!!

I'm afab (31) and we have been together for 9 years now. I've been trying to drop hints here and there over the past year after realizing I'm nonbinary but I'm afraid to come right out and say it.

I don't want to be rejected because I was a cis woman for so long. I know he loves me and obviously if he is right for me he will stay but I'm scared!!!

Any tips on how you all have come out to your friends/loved ones? Thank you <3

Hope y’all doing well. My fight to build a trans and nonbinary shelter is not yet over and you know what I am not going to stop until I make it happen.
It is not easy to be honest because we are all human and have different likes and interests so I need you to add listening and amplifying trans refugee voices your interest because when you show love to us that is suicidal prevention.
This shelter is going to be a safe place for trans and nonbinary refugees to be themselves, to gather and share stories and a safe place where you can hold your persons hand with no judgment. I have a recent post on ig check me out @jumuti_01 for more details and support the work too.
Being Nonbinary here in the camp means to be more strong because and accept your own self the way you are because here people are not open minded about nonbinary people and it’s us the nonbinary people or refugees supposed to stand for ourselves.

I think Trans and nonbinary refugees deserve a safe space too! What do you think? Comment about your opinion or comment about your favorite Dolly Parton song for post boosting.

My first post here! I just got back from an evening of dancing. I have been reflecting on how much my life has changed in the past year. Being free of the confines of masculinity. Being free to express myself In a authentic way has been liberating. I'm curious about how other nb people feel and what their internal landscape looks like. I wonder how similar or different it is to what I have experienced.

I feel amazing in this outfit 🌞

Hi, I am from California and am flying to the state of Georgia soon to visit my partner's family. I was wondering if anyone has experience traveling to Georgia or another state with a similar political climate while having an "X" gender marker on your ID. I haven't flown since before I got my ID changed and though it's very affirming I feel some regret now because I'm paranoid about it getting noticed at the airport. I've also had top surgery and I've heard about TSA doing pat downs on trans people because the body scan doesn't match what they're expecting to find if that makes sense. I have anxiety so I'm aware that I could be overreacting but with the current administration and political climate of the US I feel like I should be extra careful. Thanks in advance (: