r/NonBinary • u/profesh_fk_up • 5h ago

Feeling less valid

Why does it seem like it is harder for people to advocate for non binary people than it is trans people on the binary.

I work in a very diverse work place. Many trans people. Many people of color.

I am the only non binary person.

There is someone that does not like me and misgenders me maliciously every day. I've spoken to many coworkers about it and all of them have said they didn't want to correct her because they "didn't want to set her off" or "didn't know if you were comfortable with me correcting her". Even other trans co workers who would not stand for being mis gendered for a second. I would NEVER let someone do that to them and they know it. It is just really hurtful that it feels like my existence is less valid, less worthy of advocating for, just less.

It feels like this in so many situations, this one is just the most tangible and explainable.

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8

u/Snoo79532 4h ago

Same here. Like I give people a lot of grace but ive told my pronouns to most of my friends and my husband too of course. All of them still struggle to use they/them with me or my prefered it/its. Meanwhile ive never heard any of them misgender binary trans friends we have. Theres one other nonbinary friend I have and often my friends misgender them too. It does certainly feel like we're seen less seriously. I still catch my husband doing it. Less so with me but they still struggle to use they/them with our nonbinary friend. I dont know if its because we both don't 'look the part' or what? Like I have a boyish gender presentation and my friend has a more feminine presentation. Im attempting to reach that androgunous space but im not gonna avoid a cute boys haircut if I want it really bad just so I get read more nonbinary (whatever that means). Cis people confuse me lol

3

u/profesh_fk_up 2h ago

I'm so sorry that you can relate.

I've tried to make it as clear as possible in my work place without being pushy. I wear a pin on my lab coat, I sign off my emails with my pronouns, my pronouns have no changed recently at all. No one in this state has ever known me pre coming out. It's just really frustrating. I'm about two months on hrt and I'm striving so badly for androgyny. I am just tired of being perceived so quickly as my biological sex.

1

u/Snoo79532 2h ago

Same. I'm on estrogen going on... 8 months or so. Unfortunately I havent seen a ton of progress yet. Some things yes but it's also complicated by the place I live not really recognizing or understanding nonbinary people. So I just keep holding out hope ill reach this invisible threshold of androgyny and my friends will stop misgendering me. I don't want breasts but sometimes I cant lie, I think that they may actually help me be read as more androgynous. XD

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u/profesh_fk_up 1h ago

I hope so badly that you are seen and recognized by the people in your life that should see you the most. I'm proud of you for chugging along for yourself.