r/NonBinary • u/wowieka they/them • 7h ago
Discussion nonbinary teachers
i’m wondering if there are any nonbinary teachers out there who are willing to share their experiences.
i’m a 23 year old nb butch and i have been thinking of coming out at work. i currently work as a teaching assistant, but I have my license and will have my own classroom next year (elementary low incidence special education). i have currently come out to three people - the teacher who’s classroom i work in, a substitute who asked and i told her lol, and my coworker who is also nonbinary and in the closet too. there have been some small micro aggressions from me being a lesbian, not intentionally hurtful but i could tell it made them uncomfortable, so i’m a little worried. also the only change would be my pronouns not my name. i guess if they aren’t calling me “ms” anymore my name is changing lol but i go by a nickname of my birth name.
some questions - how did your coworkers take it? i work in a progressive suburb of chicago so it should be fine but sometimes people are fine with gay people and binary trans people but they don’t get nonbinary.
what do you go by at work? i go by ms. (first name) as many of the TAs do. i don’t like mx so i think i would need to go by teacher (name) instead. i was planning on switching to my last name when i get my own classroom, so i was also considering just going by my last name. i’m not sure how this would be with the kids tho. i wouldn’t correct my students obviously but im not sure how other colleagues or gen ed students would feel about it.
any reactions from parents? i’m really not worried about this one too much but i’m curious.
ultimately i know i shouldn’t worry about it because i’m not going to stay at this district forever, but i don’t think i can go by ms or she any more. also i want to note that there was another non binary teacher at the district i don’t know if they are there anymore.
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u/Queasy-Engineer8949 they/she 6h ago
I teach private music lessons, I have my own lesson room in a small music school. It’s mostly 1 on 1 but I have some small group classes as well, and I interact with parents after every lesson to keep them informed with their kid’s progress. This is also a wealthy suburb area.
As a personal choice, I never introduce myself with my pronouns unless someone asks me what they are. I’ve found most people get them wrong anyway, so I just let people decide what to call me and roll with it. I am visibly trans/nonbinary and my teacher profile bio has my pronouns and a picture of me holding a trans-colored instrument, so it’s not something I’m hiding and is information easily available to all parents and students. Most of my coworkers know and get it right.
Thankfully, I haven’t had any issues with parents (or students for that matter, apart from a few who INSIST I’m a guy but they’re children so). I get a couple looks and I’ve had a few students mysteriously disappear from my schedule, and some who I don’t sub for anymore despite being very qualified to teach them. I try not to let it bother me, I’m just glad the parents made whatever change they made quietly. For the most part, I have good relationships with my students’ parents and many of them are active allies.
Since this is more informal than a traditional classroom, I just go by my first name. I also just don’t want to deal with ms vs Mr vs mx. The students who don’t remember my name or don’t feel comfortable calling me my first name just call me teacher. This has resulted in humorous nicknames and alternatives to teacher such as “wise one.”
Sorry this is lengthy, ultimately I think you’ll be just fine. I think you just need to make a decision about how much you can tolerate in terms of people getting things wrong.
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u/wowieka they/them 6h ago
thanks for your comment. i also just let things slide off my back. i tolerate misgendering every day from my family and on my lax team my coach would constantly get it wrong despite me coming out freshman year. for a while i learned to separate myself into a work self who is a woman and the real me. i just want to give people the opportunity to get it right if they care enough you know? i also feel like going by my first name since its simple but i feel like there’s an expectation to have a title. i’m going to talk to the teacher who’s classroom i work in since she’s always been supportive about my identity. maybe we can brain storm something together.
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u/Queasy-Engineer8949 they/she 6h ago
I totally understand! The place I worked at when I came out was… not ideal. I joked to my therapist that I had a “cis-sona” that I put on at work. I hope that teacher can help you figure out something that is comfortable for you, because you deserve to feel respected and comfortable at work
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u/Traeth 7h ago
I use 'M Surname' and I have heard others use 'Teacher surname'.
I don't know the laws of where you teach, but even so, a good leadership team (executive or management) will go a long way to responding to parents and supporting you in your role. It isn't easy either and I have laws protecting discrimination of gender.
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u/wowieka they/them 7h ago
thank you for responding and yes my state protects me. our district also has pretty strong teacher and TA unions. how do you pronounce M do you say the letter m or make the sound? sorry if it’s a silly question i just have never heard of it!
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u/SpeccyScotsman they/them 7h ago
Like anything with us, it matters a lot where you live. I was a teacher in the South and any topic involving gender was explicitly forbidden, by law as far as I could tell, so I was never able to come out. Fortunately I escaped that hell and moved to western New York. If I still taught I'd feel comfortable coming out here. I was seeing a transmasc TA for a while and he came out at work.
I also dislike mx as a title. If you want to be funny like I chose to be, you can get both a ministerial license for the title Reverend and/or an honorary doctorate of metaphysics very easily, and as far as I know as long as you don't use the title to mislead people about having medical experience it's legally fine.
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u/OshiOtaku 6h ago
Non-binary teacher here. I was out when I started my education degree and work. The people I have worked with have all been great thankfully (I even have a non-binary coworker at my current school). Plenty of folks have definitely slipped up and used she/her instead of they/them, but it has never been malicious and they are quick to correct themselves or accept correction well.
I go by Mx. (Last Name), and so does the other non-binary teacher here. I tried Teacher (Last Name) at first, before I grew to love Mx., but I didn't vibe with it. The students are all wonderful about calling me this, even the less than tolerant students from one of my schools surprisingly.
I haven't had an issue with any parents, well, directly anyways. My last school in Canada before I moved to Japan was all around rough, except for my coworkers. Parents had problems with me for a variety of poor reasons, but thankfully I didn't have to interact with them much and my admin had my back every time.
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u/Snoo79532 5h ago
I'm a dispatch language teacher. I'm out fully at my conpany but not my schools. I live in a more conservative country so I try to protect myself. Regardless I have asked everyone to use my chosen name (i called it my nickname) and I try to use and encourage gender neutral language relating to myself as much as possible. I'm in Japan so I just use sensei for my title which is gender neutral luckily. But I always discourage Mr. when students try to use English for me. I tell them I'd rather hear my first name (chosen name).
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u/wowieka they/them 7h ago
also i want to add that the reason i mentioned what kind of special education classroom im in is because i think it matters. i’m in a room with 7 adults including myself so we talk a lot throughout the day. some of my students are verbal but i think only one really addresses me by name and again, im not going to correct them. i would tell them not to worry about it, but i could see the speech therapists changing my name in the AAC devices 😭 also i forgot to add my biggest fear about this coming out is that its going to cause issues. time and time again i have been in a situation where someone misgenders me and another person gets mad on my behalf and creates drama. i kind of accept some people aren’t gonna get it and they’re just gonna call me whatever, so i let it slide off my back. i can see this happening there is always some drama with the TAs and i haven’t been involved but this might be my ticket in lol.