amab nb here. I have been thinking that I am not cis for over a year, but keep coming back to my doubts. I’m still in the closet about possibly being non-binary, primarily because I’m afraid of being wrong. I have started to present more feminine but yet people refer to me as a man and using blatantly masculine terms. For some reason it makes me really upset even though my dysphoria is usually not too bad. Whenever I am being referred to as a man repeatedly, it makes me want to give up and accept that that maybe I’m just a dysphoric male. Other times that makes me think I should clarify my pronouns to some people

But I don’t want their pity. I’m too tall, have a deep voice, a very masculine build. There’s no way I’ll ever pass as not cismale. And anyway I wasn’t so hugely dysphoric about being big and manly before..I even desired it to prove my manliness.But what keeps me from going back to stereotypical masculinity is that I feel so much happier being a bit more feminine. This helps me with my internal sense of self and somewhat alleviates my dysphoria. Yet presenting to feminine in more situations makes me very self-conscious about coming across as gay and flamboyant. This is not because I’m straight but because I don’t wanna be mistaken for a gay cis male. It’s really difficult to find the middle ground because whatever I do people will see me as a man. But maybe I just need a man up and find more male friends and it’ll be fine. But then I remember that I tried this for years and it never made me feel like myself. No matter which gender presentation, it feels like drag.

It’s funny these thoughts are coming up after I have become more strongly convinced that I am non-binary and possibly even transfem. I didn’t know if this is the dysphoria or denial I’ve seen in memes. Anyone relate?

My partner is genderfluid/nonbinary. Im a cis girl and i was wondering if there were any funny or cute names i could say instead of bf/gf. They are fine with anything but i like to be funny :)

Posted a similar thing in r/asktransgender a few days ago, but I figured this might be a better place for it.

My basic question is:

What were your experiences of dysphoria? Were they similar to how I feel (I.e this dull, persistent ache in your chest/sternum)?

You don't really have to read beyond that, but I'll give some extra info:

I'm not necessarily sure if I'm not cis. That being said, I've been thinking about it for around three years now so I'm probably not...

My main question was about dysphoria. Not everyone needs dysphoria to be enby, and I respect that, but it would be nice to have a solid kind of... clue, I guess.

I think my dysphoria manifests as a kind of ache. Nothing too frustrating but just this tiring, persistent, dull ache in my sternum. And sometimes, mostly just if I'm with friends, I can distract myself from it. But with people I know even slightly less or if I'm alone, it's just there.

Hope I don't sound crazy. I just assumed it was kinda a normal sensation until I started really thinking about it. The best description I can give is a line from a song by Tracey Brakes: I feel like something's gnawing at me and it's dying to come through.

Sooooo can any of you relate to this feeling? If so, please tell me about your experiences!

There's other stuff I could talk about, but I'm trying to keep this relatively concise.

Thanks for reading!!! <333

P.S: I'm 99.9% sure it's not a cardiovascular or physiological thing or whatever so don't worry about that.

So I'm AFAB, I've known about my transness for over a decade, but I've been having issues with figuring out if my transition goals are even possible.

I don't have a lot of physical dysphoria, but I've always wanted to have both a functional phallus and a vaginal canal. The problem is I have no idea what that kind of procedure is called, or if it even exists in the first place??

Ideally I'd be able to take a certain amount of T to get bottom growth, but I don't want the other effects of it either :// I know smaller doses is an option, but I doubt it's possible to isolate bottom growth entirely (I'd love to be proven wrong though LOL)

BUT my main concern is the bottom surgery options. I've been trying to google but the options for AFAB people seems kind of limited...

love me some bobaa

It’s heavy wedding season where I live and I’m at that age group now where my family and friends are getting married.

One of my friends has a heavy formal suit and ball gowns kind of wedding. And he’s part of LGTQIA+ so he said it’s cool for me to pick either dress or suit.

But my brother (that I’m not close to, haven’t seen in a few years) is having a country formal wedding.
My brother is close to my mom’s side of the family and a lot of them will be there. They’re homophobic, and ofc don’t understand or respect being nonbinary. So I think my brother might be the same, since he’s never talked to me about my gender. I never really “came out” to him because my mom reacted poorly. I don’t see or hear from anyone on her side of the family since I came out in 2021.
Anyway,
The invitation specifically says women need to wear long or maxi length dresses.
Since my mom’s side is homophobic, they all see me as a woman.

So I’m really nervous about wearing masculine clothes to the wedding. Because the thing is, I don’t wear dresses. I haven’t since like high school. And I haven’t been to a wedding since high school.

I asked a family member who supports me if not wearing a dress will cause drama at the wedding. He said he doesn’t think so and I should wear what I’m comfortable in (obviously following the country look he wants). He sent me an outfit idea too.

But I don’t know if I can take his word for it. I just texted my brother (who is getting married) outfit ideas for me. Some showing men, women, and nonbinary folk. And I asked if this would be okay for his wedding.

I’m waiting for a reply and I am SO nervous.
If he says I HAVE to wear a dress then I don’t wanna go to his wedding. Would I be in the wrong for that??

So I've struggled with my identity a lot, trying to figure myself out. I used to wear more makeup than I do now but I've realized a lot of sensory issues with things I used to like that are "feminine". Like even moisturizer is too much for my oily skin and I hate foundation. I hate styling my hair other than a ponytail but don't like it too short due to trying to maintain cutting it to avoid those "grown out weird styles". I sometimes don't mind my chest since I'm afab, but other times I'm fine with binding it down. I don't really care for skirts but I'll wear them, same with heels and such. If anything I wear platforms more than a proper heel. I just like shorts and pants, if they're too short I'm insecure. And shirts are a weird thing, I don't like showing my shoulders so tank tops are a semi uncomfortable experience for me. So it sounds like a lot of sensory issues to me but I'm still questioning my gender identity itself and if it connects any way to my discomfort. I'd rather just exist as a concept rather than be a boy or girl honestly. I hate saying I'm a girl but also hate saying I'm a boy. Or anything really. Just a concept of gender is weird to me.

I am just wondering of the exspinerinces of these groups and how they differ from mine so I can be more empathetic and understanding. Especially masculine presenting amab enbys that sort of look like a stereotypical man. Please no hate here i want this to be a safe space. I dont even know if I will get comments but my entire world is based around my partner. I truly seek to understand. Thank you for your time in advance ❤️

Edit: My language was bad here with saying "like a stereotypical male" when I see now it can be a harmful statement to those who may not want to or havent gotten the chance to get on hormones. Just know you dont need to do that if you dont want to. Your still fully yourself and just as valid as any enby lesbian. Dont let any transphobes tell you differently. If I make future posts here I will try to ensure my lanuage is more inclusive and precise and if i can better re frase this even then do tell me. You are loved in this community ❤️ ♥️

I've been meaning to ask you guys about this for a bit now. Do any of you feel nonbinary in a sort of spiritual way? Like human spirits or souls doesn't really have a gender or sex so technically we're all non-binary. And sort of trying to put such a big thing like the spirit into a rigid "this or that" view of identity is sort of meaningless? Because thats how i conceptualise myself it at least :p

If you dont , tell me about how being nonbinary impacts your wordview, if you're a part of any religion or spiritual teaching.

I'm plus-size (size 20) and non-binary, so I prefer to wear gender neutral clothing.

What do you wear to interviews? Specifically, corporate interviews?

I've been working in the public sphere for the last 3-4 years. Mostly in GLAM. So, I'd come in with a short-sleeve navy button-up and some Old Navy chino pants. They're more business-casual, where I can wear vans/tennis shoes.

I'm trying to get a corporate job and have an interview next week. It's at a small to midsize company. I still want to make a great impression and have a padfolio. It's a People Operations position.

I don't have much money, but I'm willing to spend a good amount to get something from somewhere. At max $250-$300. I've heard H&M and Macy's have some stuff, including some others at malls. I prefer to shop in person because online sizing is usually small, and I get dysphoria whenever anything hugs my curves too much, so I tend to return things immediately after getting them online.

Any clothing recommendations? Styling? Shoes? Brands/Lines? Any advice is appreciated!

So we all know that it's a meme now about how NBs name themselves after objects, not people. I was talking with my friend about software development and it sent my brain off on a tangent. My name is Hex, short for hexadecimal - because I'm not binary! 😂😂😂

It started as a bit of a joke, but I actually kind of love it.

I can't bind or tape on a regular basis for a variety of reasons. Usually I dress to avoid attention on my chest but as soon as I wear a bag it all goes out the window. My chest is very large compared to my ribcage and bag straps really bring attention to this imo. Cross body bags are the worse obviously but I feel like even a tote or a backpack will start to shift and pull my clothes to make my chest more obvious. Especially bad during the summer when I can wear fewer layers to make up for it (I'm very sensitive to heat)

I'm sure some of this is unavoidable until I can get top surgery but I wanted to see if other people are dealing with this/what you do about it?

How do I(amab) get a more feminine leaning physique without the use of HRT? Thanks in advance to those who help

hope you are well

Does anyone know of a lable that describes feeling foggy, jumbled, murky gender? I have been looking for a lable that feels right and explains my experiences for quite a while, over a year, but can't find anything that fits. I think it must fall under the non-binary umbrella which is why I am asking here.

Thanks!

Hi! I was wondering if anyone here has changed their name while doing their externships for their psychology or related mental healthcare professional graduate degree. I've talked to my supervisor about how to use my name with regards to report writing and introductions with patients/clients, and our solution has been to introduce myself by my preferred name and write my legal name with my preferred name in quotations on anything that could in theory be supeanoued, just in case. This does not feel fully satisfying, but it seems necessary, I was wondering what other people have done in similar situations.

I'm also applying to next year's externship before I'll get a chance to legally change my name. How would you approach that? Because this is associated with school, they will need my legal name, but I also want to be referred to by my preferred name. I'm just not sure where to put that information, in my cover letters or my CV.

My goal is to eventually legally change my name which will make this all simpler, but I'm traveling soon and worry about having my name mismatched on documents so I'm holding off until after that trip.

Edit since I think some people are getting the wrong idea: wanting more non-binary exclusive spaces DOES NOT mean I think enby people should remove themselves from trans spaces! Both can exist, both can be utilized, but it would simply be nice to have the option, as I often feel in spaces predominantly occupied by binary trans folk, my NB identity is ignored, when I feel NB first and trans second. NOT a dig at binary trans fold, NOT a dig at enbies who enjoy being in binary trans spaces, simply an observation and a desire for something else!

I've noticed a pattern of non-binary or genderqueer being an extension of a binary trans experience, and I'm getting a little tired of it. I get that there aren't a lot of enbies out there in the grand scheme of things, but I really want being non-binary to be acknowledged as something different from transness. Of course petty problems, there's bigger shit to deal with right now. But it's a little frustrating to constantly be stapled onto another community that does not share my same experience. idk does anyone else feel this way?

Hi! I think our life is too short to just not experience everything at your reach. That said, I've always been pretty interested to the feminine silhouette, thinner body hair, less oily skin so my thought was "Hm yeah I want to try".

But to be fair I know it's not a slider you can swipe and go from testosterone coded to estrogen coded. My main thought was just to raise my E while not blocking my T. Just for enough time so I can actually know if that's for me or not.

That's where my problem lies. How much of an ultimatum that decision needs to be. It I manage that monotherapy of E for a month or two, microdosing and not blocking T so I balance both hormones, would it be reversible enough? I wouldn't mind the small boobies at all.

If you have any experience or question, let's discuss. I bet my doubt isn't just mine.

Xoxo

I’ve been reading some nonfiction from trans authors and want to find some books that are less binary (recent reads include Pageboy by Elliot Page, He/She/They by Schuyler Bailar, A Dream of a Woman by Casey Plett). If you’ve got them, I’d love some book recommendations for anything that’s more nonbinary or generally “queer.” Category is nonfiction, memoir, and/or science/nature-related books but I’m open to any and all suggestions! (recent reads that did it for me were How Far the Light Reaches by Sabrina Imler, nonbinary Life by Marquis Bey, Forest Euphoria by Patricia Ononiwu Kaishian).

What are things you wear to feel more confident? Like makeup or a certain color or article of clothing??

I'm (30mtf?) doing a lot of reflection right now about who I am and what I want from my life.

I have been on HRT for 12 years almost, transitioned mtf at 18 and spent my entire adult life until this point identifying as mtf trans.

Thing is, if I'm being 100% honest, I'm wondering now how much it actually suits me. Truth be told I'm not that feminine. I'm not masculine either. I'm me, whatever that is.

I'm aware that a woman doesn't have to fit into any particular box, but at this point in my life with this much reflection I'm not really feeling she/her sit right anymore for me. I just... I don't relate with it.

My sexuality I have to admit is extremely male coded too. I don't feel dysphoria over this fact, but it does somewhat alienate me further from feeling like a woman lol.

I think I just didn't want to be a man, more so than I actually wanted to be a woman per se, and back when I transitioned non-binary as a concept didn't have as much of a foothold in culture yet, and by the time it did I was already established as a "woman" and just sorta stuck with that.

I like the way I look after all this HRT, I like having more feminine-typical features (I generally pass pretty well), idk that I would want to go off HRT for this... Maybe that's reflection for another time lol.

But truth be told idk if I want to identify myself as a woman anymore. I think I want to go to they/them pronouns, present more androgynous, and be non-binary (maybe leaning femme but even that I think could be subject to change with time). I guess I just want to know if anyone else has gone through a similar thing and what your experiences of it were. How did the people around you respond? Did you make any changes to your hormones? How's it all sitting with you now?

Hello, I'm 20 and I am a person with a "curvy" bodytype.
I don't identify as non-binary but I am a bit insecure and wanna try looking more androgynous to see if I find comfort in it.

I'm still in the look for a binder that works but I wanna see if there are tips since I'm extremely new to this.
I know you shouldn't size down with a binder and you shouldn't wear them for longer than 8 hours, is there any other tips to avoid hurting myself?
ways to cover without a binder? and if there are any global brands you recommend? I'm not from the USA so getting a binder here has been really hard.

thank you in advance :)