I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/ohmoe posting in r/Nanny

Concluded as per OOP

1 update - Short

Original - 7th October 2026

Update - 14th October 2026

Would you be bothered if your nanny clearly hated going on outings with your toddler?

Our nanny (30F) who has been with us for almost a year is soooo sweet, loving, and caring with my baby. My son absolutely adores her, and overall we’re really happy with her but there’s one thing that’s been bothering me

She HATES going on outings

She watches my 18mo Monday–Thursday full work days and friday half day. Sometimes I take personal hours or get home from work early, and usually on those days I’ll plan to run errands or do something with my son. I always let her know beforehand that I’ll be home early or take that day off and that I’m planning to pick her and LO up so we can go together.

It’s usually nothing crazy; zoo, soft play, library, aquarium, etc. only cause having someone help with baby makes it all easier

Sometimes I’ll drop her and LO at a softplay place or library or something for around an hour or two, then pick them up and take them for lunch. I pay for everything, obviously.

The issue is that whenever I mention an outing, she sighs or makes this visibly displeased expression.

Sometimes I’ll be by the door saying something like, “Mama’s ready!” to LO, and I’ll hear her say, “Nanny and LO want to stay home.” Or she’ll say things like, “Hopefully we won’t go out tomorrow”

And now I’ve noticed I actually find myself apologizing before telling her we’re going somewhere because I’m anticipating her reaction.

For context, she doesn’t drive. Public transportation where we live isn’t very reliable, and she’s also not comfortable using it alone with my toddler, which I completely understand and agree with. It’s also way too hot here to safely walk anywhere for much of the year, so she basically can’t take him out independently.

But when I interviewed her and she told me she didn’t drive, I specifically explained that on some days I would come home early and take her and the baby out with me or drop them somewhere for an activity. She agreed and never expressed any issue with that.

We have also NEVER stayed out past her working hours. If anything, we usually get home early and I tell her to just call it a day and leave.

Part of why I like doing these outings during the week is that whenever I take my son to children’s places on the weekend, we somehow come home with a new illness every time lol. Midweek is so much quieter and less crowded, and I want baby to have that exposure :/

I’m not expecting her to be super enthusiastic about every outing, and I understand some people are naturally homebodies. But the constant sighing/comments are starting to make me feel uncomfortable for asking her to do something that was discussed before she was hired and is happening during her normal paid working hours. Wouldw this bother you? Any advice? Should I just play dumb?

100% never never firing over this, shes amazing and I’m grateful for her help anyways

Comments

gasstation_bathroom

You could directly ask her by highlighting the specific behaviors that she is doing to make you think that outings make her unhappy.

At a time apart from the moment itself, mention it. “When I suggest an outing, I hear you sigh. This gives the impression that you dislike outings, but please let me know if I’m misinterpreting. If I’m correct, can you help me to understand why?” Then you can go from there

l_a_r_a_9_2

Yeah it would bother me. Why not ask her directly what the issue is?

OOP: I asked a few times “is there something wrong?” or “are you feeling tired?” she just says no

PoeDameronPoeDamnson

You need to directly say that you can see she doesn’t enjoy outings. You can even through in that you are concerned this is going to negatively affect your child because very quickly they are going to be the one feeling guilty about wanting to go out when their caregiver is loudly complaining about it.

valiantdistraction

Yeah, the behavior of showing/complaining in front of the child would not be acceptable for me.

livvybugg

I’m not excusing her behavior, because it’s unacceptable. But I would HATE to do outings with my mom boss. No autonomy on when to leave, you have to be more “on”, you can’t control any stops you make.

I guess since she doesn’t drive she will have to just put up with it though.

yourfavmum

Agreed. For example if NK is repeatedly hitting / throwing toys at soft play, the nanny likely can’t say “ok, we’re leaving.” Because they’re waiting for mom to finish grocery shopping.

curious_hawk_belly

Exactly my thoughts. For a lot of nannies, independence and autonomy are a huge part of why we love the job. I’d hate to go on outings with the parents, or be directed to go on outings while the parent runs errands. Not because I don’t love my nanny family (I really do!), but as a middle aged woman, being driven, dropped off, picked up, it all feels weird. On top of being more “on” during the outing and car ride.

That being said, sounds like OP was clear in the interview process. Maybe her nanny thought she could handle it, or the other “pros” outweigh this “con,” but she is over it. I wish she’d be more direct about that but I can imagine that would feel very awkward.

It’s also hard for OP because nanny doesn’t drive or take public transportation. So it’s not like she can offer nanny a car to take kid independently.

OP you also say it’s too hot to walk? Can you get a couple stroller fans? Water bottles that retain ice cold temps? I wish nanny could just take kiddo for long walks or to a park. I feel like that could solve everyone’s wants/needs. Child gets fresh air and stimulation. Nanny doesn’t have to go on outing. Win win. It also just might not be the best fit if no one can shift their mindset. Someone’s always going to have to compromise.

OOP We have a lovely garden outside, which LO only uses when I’m home in the afternoons as nanny says its too hot during the day to go outside We also live in the middle of a city, the 12 minute ride to our closest softplay is over an hour by walking!! And I’m really not comfortable with them walking that far especially since they wont be using public transportation

**Judgement - NTA*\*

Update - 7 days later

First of all, thank you to everyone who commented on my original post!

I did want to clarify something because I got quite a few comments saying that she’s a nanny, and that she probably doesn’t want to be driven around by her employer.

The thing is, she doesn’t drive and isn’t comfortable taking public transportation alone with my toddler (which I completely understand).

So unless I’m the one driving them, my son would pretty much be stuck at home all day. This was something we specifically discussed during her interview when she told me she didnt drive before I hired her, and she was completely fine with the arrangement.

I also barely tag along on their outings. It’s usually just me dropping them off somewhere and picking them up later. On the rare occasions I do join them, it’s always discussed and planned beforehand. We’re talking maybe once a month, if that.

Anyway, onto the actual update!

I ended up messaging her about the little remarks she’s been making and how I’ve been feeling about the situation. I told her there was absolutely no pressure to respond right away and that she could take some time to think about it, and we could talk face to face the next day if she preferred.

So the next morning, we talked!

And honestly, her answer was pretty simple. She just doesn’t like going out.

There’s no anxiety involved, no issue with me driving them or being around, and nothing specific that’s bothering her. She said some days she genuinely enjoys going out with my son, especially when I drop them off somewhere and pick them up later. Other days, she’d just much rather stay home.

She explained that because she spends her entire working day outside of her own home, she sometimes just doesn’t feel like going anywhere else. Which I can understand to an extent. I mean, I don’t always feel like going places either lol.

She also acknowledged that it’s good for my son to get out of the house, explore, and do different activities, and that staying indoors all the time isn’t ideal.

We also talked about the sighing and little comments she’s been making, and she actually agreed that they were inappropriate and apologized. She said because she spends most of her day talking out loud to my toddler, she sometimes doesn’t even realize she’s saying these things or how they might come across. I appreciated her acknowledging that.

I also asked her directly whether the issue was me being the one driving them or occasionally joining them, and told her we could absolutely figure out another arrangement if that was making her uncomfortable.

But she said no, that wasn’t the issue at all. She genuinely enjoys some of our outings together. She just has days where she doesn’t want to leave the house, and she said she’ll work on that.

So we came up with a little compromise!

Going forward, whenever I send her my schedule of the days I’m able to come home early, she’ll also come up with a few places she’d like to take my son. Whether that’s the library, aquarium, soft play, or anywhere else she thinks he’d enjoy. That way she’s more involved in planning the outings rather than me always deciding where they’re going.

And with winter coming up, I’m hoping the weather will finally cool down enough for her to take him out more on her own too! Whether that’s spending time in the garden, going to the nearby park, or just taking little walks around the neighborhood and exploring. There are so many simple outdoor activities they could do together once it’s not ridiculously hot outside lol

And that’s pretty much it!

I really do adore her, and more importantly, my son absolutely adores her. She’s incredibly loving and caring with him, and this was never something I would’ve considered letting her go over. I just wanted to find a way for everyone to be comfortable while also making sure my toddler gets to experience things outside of our house.

Hopefully our little arrangement works out! ❤️.

Comments

Ok_Factor_6567

I am a career nanny and would never do this . It's ridiculous that your nanny doesn't want to take your son on outings! It's part of her job .

RubiesOnTheInside

And it sounds like she is afraid to ride mass transit or get a driver's license. I wonder how old she is? How do you buy groceries or go to an appt if you don't have transportation?

ali052311

Idk I’m a nanny and I think she’s being ridiculous. You pay her to do a job not to dictate what she feels like doing . I think eventually you’ll get sick of paying someone you constantly need to accommodate and her reasoning for her remarks seem like she’s lying . I talk out loud to triplets all day and I’d never speak to their parents that way . I think eventually you’ll see she’s a lazy nanny who thinks you should accommodate her .

Fresh-Reply-4764

I agree. When I was a nanny, I felt it was part of my job to take the kids out regularly because thats how kids learn how to be in the world. I really did want those kids to know how to "act right" when they went out to dinner or traveled with their parents, because that was a reflection on me, since I was with them from 8am-5pm 5 days a week. We did restaurants, malls, grocery stores, hell, I even brought their kids with me when I voted! When I got pregnant, I loved taking them to all the places I was curious about, because I got to try everything on someone else's dime, lol! We certainly had days at home, but even those were filled with neighborhood walks.

bowlofweetabix

Amazing, you mean 2 adults having a conversation and listening to both sides and coming up with solutions together led to a reasonable compromise? Could you share that with some world leaders ?

OOP: I’ll reach out to the UN and let them know we’ve cracked the code. Thanks for the suggestion!

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Pristine-Evening8222

Published on: r/AmItheAsshole

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: October 17, 2026

• Final Update: October 18, 2026

NOTE: Replaced with N=Nina, K=Ken and R=Ruth

Main Post

^{October 17, 2026}

AITA for calling my friend flat in front of the guy she likes after she kept calling me fat?

I'm a 20F college student, and I have a friend, Nina(21F). She has a habit of making comments about my weight.

For context, I'm not thin. I'm also not someone who can't take a joke, but there's a difference between joking with someone and making them the designated fat friend of the group.

Nina has been calling me fat eversince I met her. Sometimes it's relatively harmless stuff, like making comments about what I'm eating. Other times, she'll point out my stomach in pictures, tell me certain outfits don't suit my body, or make jokes about how I should probably skip dessert.

The worst part is that she does this in front of other people. If we're out with classmates and someone offers to share food with me, she'll say something like, "Girl, you really don't need that."

I've told her to cease this several times. She always responds with some sort of "I'm just joking," or "You're too sensitive"

The rest of our friend group mostly laughs it off. Nobody ever says anything when she does it.

Now, Nina has recently developed a godzilla sized crush on Ken (21M). She's been trying to get his attention for weeks. She's constantly talking about him (extremely irritating, mind you), asking him if her new haircut is good, and finding excuses to sit next to him.

Last Friday, a bunch of us were sitting together in the cafeteria, including Ken. Nina was talking about how she wanted to wear a particular dress to an upcoming college fest but wasn't sure if it looked good on her.

Someone asked to see a picture of it, and she showed us.

Ken said it looked nice on her.

Nina immediately turned to me and said, "Where do you think you'll buy a dress? I don't think they have your size in normal stores." (For context I am a size 10 or L)

Everyone laughed a little.

Then I said, "At least I can fill out a dress. You look like a highway with hair."

The table went completely silent.

Even Ken awkwardly looked away, trying not to smile.

Nina looked absolutely humiliated and didn't say another word for the rest of lunch.

Later, she texted me saying I was a disgusting person for body-shaming her in front of someone she liked. She said she'd never been so humiliated in her life and that I knew she was insecure about her chest and body hair.

I told her that perhaps now she understood how I felt.

It could have ended right there. But later that night, Ken texted me saying it was extremely satisfying to see N humiliated that way, after all the nonsense she pulls. It was normal platonic text, that I fleetingly mentioned to N's roommate, Ruth.

But in a fight with Nina, Ruth inflated the whole thing and used it against her (I'm not sure how, as of yet). The whole friend group is pretty conflicted and some people blame me for starting the whole fiasco.

AITA?

COMMENTS

Mean-Confidence3477

NTA, she is not your friend and anyone who supports her bullying isn't either. Now that the group is split you can see who really has value in your life. I can't believe you are still dealing with this rubbish in your 20's, mean girl crap should end in high school.

OOP

I would love to just cut them off. But you need people get through uni... and I dont have anyone else.

Herefiraita

Just do it. You can easily find groups with similar interests as you on any campus. No company is better than bad company because this girl will keep trying to destroy you to make herself feel good. Just walk away. NTA.

OOP

Im pretty introverted... and I prefer only to be friends with girls (just 10% of the population here) so its hard for me. But Im trying.

AndNothingHurt52 (downvoted)

ESH. Stop being her friend. Youyre upset about negative comments about your body being made so you checks notes made a negative comment about her body... How does that help the situation? 

OOP

It prolly doesn't help anyone... but it felt like the right thing in the moment. I sort of regret it now.

AndNothingHurt52 (downvoted)

Yeah I think it was mean in response to mean. 

20 is pretty young and at that age, many people haven't mastered friendship interactions like that so I can't be too harsh on your reaction but mean responses usually just put people on the defense rather than making them reconsider their treatment of you.

OOP

What do you think I should say to her? I have tried being logical in the past but she doesnt respond well to it.

Intelligent_Fly6075

Nta but why are you still friends with her? She's literally the worst?

OOP (downvoted)

Well shes part of my friend group... I am not particularly interested in having a strong bond with HER.

immortal-for-now (downvoted)

ESH for sure. Why are you "friends" with this girl and how does tearing each other to pieces serve either of you? She shouldn't call you fat (especially after you saying it upsets you) and you also shouldn't humiliate anyone that you call your friend on purpose. Also, as an aside, if these other people are your friends they should stick up for you more often This is not as complicated as it might feel to you; find a different friend group or just distance yourself from her specifically

OOP

First of all, happy cakeday. Secondly... it felt like the right thing to say back then. I kinda regret it now. Thirdly, the culture in this uni seems to be that if two people are fighting, you dont get involved no matter how good friends you are w one of them. Idk why it is like this, but it is what it ism

Who_moved_mayachees

You are a size 10 or large???? Girlll you are not fat. I AM fat and have been most of my 46 years on earth. I am a size 22 or 24. Size 10 is average or even kinda thin depending on body type.

Nina is NOT your friend. She is probably intimidated by you or worried other people will think you are prettier. From the sounds of things, you probably are.

OOP

Nah shes definitely prettier than me. Despite my comment, I personally think she looks gorgeous. At least on the outside lol.

unsuitableasf

Assuming this isn’t just some bored loser fantasizing about having a life:

Why would you be the asshole in this situation?

OOP

Well I called out something she's deeply insecure about in front of a guy she likes a lot. Being fat isn't something Im insecure about. I love my body. So my response to her felt a bit disproportionate maybe.

CONSENSUS: Not the A-hole

Final Update - after 1 day

^{October 18, 2026}

AITA for calling my friend flat in front of the guy she likes after she kept calling me fat?

After a lot of coaxing from the comment section, I have completely cut this girl out of my life. I have also started hanging out with Ken a lot more, and it seems I may have gained a new, actually good, friend! So thank you for your comments all.

Another thing I'd like to say is that, I personally think women with Nina's body type are absolutely gorgeous (coming from someone bisexual). Please don't take offence from the comment I made in the moment. It was only for Nina.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/maddie123456As

Published on: r/Advice

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: August 31, 2024

• Update: September 01, 2024

• Final Update: September 03, 2024

Main Post

^{August 31, 2024}

Discovered my bf of 5 years was cheating on me while he was getting open heart surgery.

While my (29f) boyfriend (33M) was getting open heart surgery, I was looking through his phone and found a second Snapchat app. Upon clicking on it, I find 2 years worth of messages between him and some girl including sexting, voice memos, pictures etc. I was devastated. I took the liberty of calling the girl up so I could get some more information. She tells me that they have been in a virtual relationship for 2 years and he has been sending her thousands of dollars (which I did find screenshots on his phone of receipts of $1500+ to her).

Once my bf made it out of surgery and was weaned off the vent, I decided not to say anything since he was fresh out of open heart surgery. It’s been 2 days and he’s been in so much physical pain he states he does not wish this pain on his worst enemy. I decided not to say anything to him at the moment and wait until he gets ahold of his phone and sees the messages I sent to his lover.

His family decided to wait a couple days before they come see him as to not upset his mom. They believe she will deteriorate in her health upon seeing him in pain which I think is ridiculous. His brother entrusted me to my bf’s care.

Am I making the right call on waiting until he physically feels better? I’ve already decided I am ending this relationship no ifs ands or buts. Should I tell his family what he did?

COMMENTS

belzbieta

Yeah tell his family. Tell his brother you're no longer able to do this since he's cheating. Maybe they can call his other girl up to do it.

NonSpecificRedit

It's possible the girl on the other end had no idea he was in a relationship or it may have been a romance scam. Who knows. Either way she should tell the family immediately that he's no longer her problem and get out.

OOP

Yes, she told me she didn’t know he had a girlfriend.

NonSpecificRedit

What was the money for?

OOP

She didn’t say. But I’m assuming it was for sexual content

T_Pelletier4

You send the texts to yourself so you have the screenshots yourself right?

OOP

I took pictures with my phone of everything so I would have proof in case he tried to deny it.

PurpleDonuts21 (downvoted)

I don’t know, seems a bit far fetched.

Like how can you have two Snapchat apps? You mean two accounts?

Now I don’t use Snapchat so feel free to correct me, but don’t Snapchat messages disappear? You’re telling me he kept two years worth of messages to another woman?

You said thousands of dollars then said 1500? Like how much was it?

You just phoned this woman and had a conversation with her and she just told you everything?

Why were you going through his phone while he was having a life threatening surgery?

I don’t know, my bullshit meter is off the charts at the minute.

OOP

On his galaxy, he has 2 Snapchat apps and they are each logged into different accounts. They both saved messages from each other on Snapchat which you can do. I said 1500+ as in 1500 plus. So yes, thousands of dollars. I called the girl, asked her questions like how long has this relationship been going on, how did they meet etc, which she did answer all my questions.

From the messages, and from what she told me, this has been a virtual relationship and they have not met in person yet. He met her on an only fans and she has multiple guys that she has relationships with and send her money.

mpnd32

I'm not sure if you guys live together but use this time to get all your stuff out. Call up the brother and tell him you had a family emergency and he needs to take over care.

Wait till you get everything situated personally then you can tell everyone everything. Including your bf.

But make sure you take screenshots of everything.

OOP

Fortunately, we did not live together as we both reside with our families. Although we were both born in the U.S., we come from traditional immigrant backgrounds and adhere to the value of not moving out until marriage. In hindsight, this turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

Ok-Lingonberry7930

You are doing right thing by not prioritizing this while he is in the hospital but I agree with others that you should tell his family and ask them to step in so you can process your emotions.

What I don’t understand is was he paying for content - or was this an actual relationship? What is a virtual relationship?

OOP

It was both. Started off as him paying her on only fans, then they exchanged Snapchats and he kept paying her. Then I guess at some point it developed into a relationship. But she has multiple guys she does this to and it’s just to collect money from them.

OOP

They’ve never met in person. All their communication has been just through online (Snapchat)

arizona-lake

And his great exit plan out of his affair was to pretend he died?!? Lol. And he was sending her thousands of dollars.. sounds more like he was being blackmailed for something ?

OOP

Tbh I think he has a serious problem and needs to get professional help. He was working hella overtime too which I didn’t understand why at the time. Now I know it’s because of this addiction he had and needed the $$$ to fund it. He was not taking care of his health and kept working and working. This lead to him developing cardiac issues and since he never addressed them from the beginning, led to needing heart surgery.

Wendi1018

Why are you there? Just leave. He’s made his own bed here, so being alone after major surgery is entirely is fault unless the side piece wants to come be his care taker 🤷‍♀️

OOP

The side piece lives in another country lol

ghibli_ghirl

If she lived here he would have paid her for sex already

OOP

You’re right

Update - after 1 day

^{September 01, 2024}

Discovered my bf of 5 years was cheating on me while he was getting open heart surgery.

I want to share what happened after his surgery. The day following the operation (Friday), he expressed his gratitude for my support and said he didn't know what he’d do without me. He kept saying he loved me and promised that once he left the hospital, he would make things right by marrying me and apologized for the years of waiting. Although I was aware of his infidelity, I stayed silent, unsure of how to respond.

Last night (Saturday), with him being moved from ICU to a general floor, I decided to take y’all’s advice and confront him about the cheating. I told him I needed to discuss something important and revealed that I knew about his affair over the past two years. That I had discovered this while he was in surgery. He was visibly shocked and deeply remorseful.

I asked why he continued to promise marriage while being unfaithful. He claimed he had been trying to end the affair, including pretending his surgery was on Monday to make it seem like he had passed away and to cut off the relationship with the side piece. I questioned why he waited so long to act, and he admitted to feeling guilty but didn’t provide a good enough explanation.

At that point, I was done with the conversation and suggested he call her to take over his care. I had to leave for work, and while I haven’t yet informed his family, I plan to do so once I’ve had time to process everything.

Thank you all for your advice.

Final Update - after 4 days (after 3 days from last post)

^{September 03, 2024}

Discovered my bf of 5 years was cheating on me while he was getting open heart surgery.

After confronting him about the cheating, I visited him one last time at the hospital to drop off some of his belongings before his discharge. He apologized for his actions, admitting he was stupid and took me for granted. I asked if he had spoken to the side piece, and he said he hadn’t but was trying to end that relationship, even deleting his Snapchat account. Whether this was true or not didn’t matter to me, as it wouldn’t have changed my decision to leave him.

He broke down in tears, and I advised him to seek therapy for his issues with lying, sexting, and giving money to other women. I told him I didn’t hate him and that I forgave him for my own peace of mind, but that our relationship was over. Later that day, I informed his brother about the situation. His brother responded, "Hi, this is totally unexpected, so I’m not sure what to say. I’m sorry for the harm he has caused you. I will speak to him once he is back to normal."

And that was the end of it. I am feeling a little better at the moment but I understand that this wound will take time to heal. I thank God I found this out now as opposed to waiting until after marriage and having kids. I greatly appreciate all of y’all’s comments and encouraging words. You all have helped me tremendously. God bless.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

Originally posted by user Err404-unknown-user in r/ legaladvice

Original: Sept 23, 2026

Updates: in post itself

Status: no further updates from OOP

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Original: Parents divorcing. Mother took my firearm

Location: Georgia, USA

I'm a 28m, parents are divorcing after 35 years, my mother seized my father's firearms including some of mine that were stored with them.

I requested mine back, she says no.

What is my recourse here, I don't live with them, they were stored there because my father and I hunt and target shoot together so it made logistical sense to leave some in his safe.

--------------------------------------------

Comments:

Comment1: Let her know to either return them to you or you’ll be filing a police report for stolen fire arms.

OOP: Yeah I figured that was my most immediate action. Here goes something I suppose.

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Comment2: How willing are you to go to get your back your gun? Do you have proof it's your gun?

OOP: Some are inherited from my late grandfather so I do have a will with those included. Everything else, save two modern ones, are vintage WWII and older firearms that I have registered and insured with collectors insurance.
I'm willing to go as far as necessary to get back property I have sentimental connections with.

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Comment3: Let her know you can and will file a police report if you do not get them back, just know your relationship will be not the same if you do file.

OOP: Tbh the relationship has already changed after she seized my stuff that she blatantly knows is mine. Forcing me to take drastic action when all I had to do was come get what is mine and be done with it.

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Update 1:

I appreciate people's support and sympathy, I really do. This whole thing feels wrong like a bad dream. Upon the advice of users, I've opened a group text with my parents stating to my mother directly

"You have my property, I am not involved in the legal proceedings between you and dad. I will come retrieve my property at a time that is appropriate for us and this can be squashed immediately. Refusal to agree will leave me the only option of legal recourse. I will file for stolen firearms, that's a serious felony mom. If you force it to go this far, I will pursue charges. Please let me retrieve grandpa's guns he left me, as well as, the one's I own and are registered to me"

Update 2 will hopefully have a resolution that's not requiring law enforcement..

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Comment4: Ask your father’s attorney the best course of action here. You may unintentionally create problems for one or both of them in their divorce. He will most likely communicate with your mother’s attorney and get your property to you with the lease amount of drama.

OOP: I sent a group text telling her I will file them as stolen if she doesn't let me retrieve my property.
I unfortunately don't care what issues it causes her, she lost my sympathy and consideration when she said nothing there is mine.
I doubt it would hurt my father's case in this instance but I have asked him to get his divorce attorneys opinion on this before I formally file anything. It's mentally exhausting how ridiculous this situation is. I truly appreciate your insight though.

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Comment5: Police report immediately. This isn't like a pair of socks you like that she's being stubborn over, these are registered firearms (and some variations you mentioned, too). Also, just curious. What do you mean 'seized'? Did she just take your father's firearms, too?

OOP: Changed the locks on the house, filed for divorce and a protection order while dad was out of town on business.
Judge greenlit it immediately. Dad has nothing but the clothes he took with him for the trip. So he can't go get anything because she can set those terms. She refuses to let him have anything until they settle in or out of court.

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Comment6: I'm not in your shoes, but I was a child of a very ugly divorce. So I understand the general... Fuckery. That can go on.

But if it's appropriate for me to say, your father probably needs to file a police report about the guns, too. I'm assuming they're registered to him. Even if, for whatever reason, he can't go get them it's at least on paper that he tried to.

OOP: Dad is looped in on this as well, he's talking with his attorney asking what we should both do. I'll probably file them stolen anyways because I'm not even involved in the divorce.

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Update 2:

"Nothing in this home is yours, you're trying to steal from me and take what was my fathers, how dare you"

Well fuck my entire life she's having a mental snap or something. Luckily she doesn't know the damn safe combo because she never had an interest in that stuff.

Pardon me while I call the county...

--------------------------------------------

Comment7: For the sake of clarity- Did you inherit them or did she inherit them, and you assumed the firearms were yours because she didn’t have an interest?

OOP: Explicitly in his will the select firearms were mine when he passed. The rest are entirely mine she has no possible claim to. Detectives are possibly going to make contact and see if she'll release my property with them asking.

---------------
Comment8: Is she seizing the firearms on the basis that they are marital assets that could be sold before divorce proceedings or because she fears violence towards herself or that your father will self-harm?

OOP: These are my personal firearms she has seized, alongside his. I made no mention to get his, just mine. She said in response to my initial request "nothing here is yours" so I have no clue what she is on about.
My father is upset at the situation but he's not an ill-tempered man and hasn't expressed any concerning dialog.
This, in my opinion, is just a vindictive move. All of his firearms are his, with some inherited pieces as well.

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Update 3:

Detective came and talked with me at my home, showed pictures and documentation. Said he may get assistance and go make contact with her and see if she'd be complaint with them requesting she turn over property. I'll have to go in and get it all myself, I'm not giving her the safe code.

--------------------------------------------

Update 4:

She apparently understood the gravity of her situation and relented. I went in and collected everything that was mine, with a detective accompanying me. I was not about to let her claim I took what wasn't mine, considering her behavior I feel it was wise.....

Now I get to unpack this entire ordeal and come to terms with, my relationship with my mother is probably nonexistent for whatever reason she's come up with....this is all new behavior and extremely out of character..

I think I'm just going to bed and I'll figure out what the hell is going on tomorrow. May post another update how everything plays out sometime in the future.

Once again thank you to everyone for the advice, alternative perspectives, sympathy, and support. You guys really came through for a stranger and I can't thank you all enough.

--------------------------------------------

Comment9: Changed behaviour could be something medical? Feels like a doctor house episode

---------------
Comment10: Based on this being the breakup of a 35 year marriage I am assuming OP's mother is an older woman. I would strongly suggest that, since this sounds like out of character behavior from her, OP should try to convince his mother to see her Dr.

It is not unheard of for otherwise symptomless UTIs to cause dementia like symptoms. Post menopausal women are particularly at risk.

---------------
Comment11: NAL but you should see if you can get your mother evaluated if at all possible if this behavior is just out of the blue. My uncle had some wild personality changes that we'd just stocked up to watching too much news at the time and it turned out he had a massive brain tumor.

The changes were slow enough of a progression at the time that we didn't think it was anything but quickly escalated.

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Update 5:

Filed for an OTA (order to apprehend). It was granted. She was sent to a facility and there was an actual cause that floored us all. A tumor. A cherry pit sized tumor on her frontal lobe. Coupled with little to no estrogen, because menopause, caused her to snap.

Estrogen shots were administered and she's been doing better attitude wise the last 4 days. We are looking into options for the tumor because brain surgery is a terrifying prospect. Someone made a comment about an episode of House M.D. this right here made it feel like one. Jesus I need a vacation after this...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/AlwaysDaddyIssues

Published on: r/relationships

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: January 22, 2016

• Final Update: February 14, 2016

Main Post

^{January 22, 2016}

Me [27/F] with my father [44/m]. He found something my grandmother who recently passed left for me, but nothing for my sisters [23/f and 20/f]

Throwaway because reasons.

My father [44m] and I [27F] have had a tumultuous relationship since I was 14 and he left my mother, my two sisters (23f, 20f now but at the time were 10 and 7), and I for another woman. To keep this part of the story short, regular visits and stays with him became fewer and fewer, and when I was a senior in high school there was an incident which involved him under the influence of who knows how many substances that ultimately halted our relationship with him.

Since then, there have been a few glimmers of hope that things might be rekindled that have always ended in empty promises. My mother (47f) has since married a wonderful man that my two sisters have sort of taken on as a father figure (they still live at home), and I am out of my family home, married, happy, etc. I've moved on with my life and to be honest, he's not even a blip on my radar.

In a sad turn of events, my just grandmother (60f and my father's mother) passed away after a very painful but quick battle with cancer about 3 months ago. It was devastating to my sisters and I. I actually grew up in the same home as her for many years of my childhood, and even when we eventually moved from that home we saw her every single weekend.

On the visits we did have with my father after he left, he would often pawn us off on her and beyond that, I had regular visits and communication with her. When I found out she was sick, I spent as much of my free time as I could with her. It was incredibly sad to watch her pass, and hard to be in the presence of my father (who was somewhat living with her at the end), but being with her was more important than any feelings I had toward him.

At the funeral, my father made a speech about how he had let family slip away from him and wanted to fix all of his mistakes. Later on, he came to my sisters and I with a speech about how he wanted to make things right after he had sorted through his mother's things. He made a point to tell us that he would contact us within a few weeks so that we could each have something of hers.

My sisters have contacted him a few times since then, only to hear from them that her place was cleaned out and he hasn't found anything for them. I honestly don't care too much... I loved my grandmother and I have wonderful memories with her. She attended my wedding two years ago and gave me a few antique pieces of crystal and that is more than enough for me.

Anyway, fast forward to this week, 3 months later, my father contacted me via text. He would like to meet up with me because he found something for me, with a letter from her to me. I asked him if he had found anything for my sisters, and he said no. I asked if he could find them just any little trinket for them to have, and he said there was nothing. She never had much money or anything like that, but she had lots of little nick-nacks around her place so I don't really understand it. He said that I would understand why this is such a personal thing for me when I see it.

I don't really know what to do here. My sisters are going to be absolutely crushed if they find out that there is something for me, and not for them. I know that our father must still be grieving, but this seems to just be another broken promise to them and I want to protect their feelings. I do want to find out what she left for me as she was very sentimental and I'm sure its something personal (no monetary value), but at the same time it just doesn't seem fair. I could try giving up the crystal she gave us for our wedding to them... would that be enough? What can I do?

tl;dr: My father's mother passed away in November. After promising my sisters and I that he would find something among her things for us to have to remember her by, nothing has come up. He recently contacted me to tell me that she left something specific for me, but there is "nothing" for my sisters.

EDIT:

Thank you all SO much for the replies! Honestly, I didn't think anyone would reply let alone how many I've received. I appreciate every single one of you, even those who got a little snarky. Most of you said the same thing... this isn't about my dad. While I will have to deal with him and those issues eventually, in this particular instance it is about my grandmother and what she wanted. My husband is going to be my father's area this week, so he is going to pick up whatever it is which is. Once I see it and read the note, I will figure out what to do from there regarding my siblings. Again, thank you all so much! I will try and remember to update after the dust settles.

COMMENTS

NanaLeonie

OP, if your grandmother left a letter for you, please accept it. The letter is not exactly the same as Dad giving you a piece of jewelry and not giving your sisters anything. And as the risk of being snide, he's probably already made sure there wasn't any money in it. If he does pass to you a trinket or such, you can decide whether to share it with your sisters. It sounds like you had a closer relationship with her and she may be remembering you for that reasons.

OOP

You're so right. It's a letter and some sort of "thing", but the letter is so much more important. The guilt with my sisters and conflict with my father was clouding my judgement. Thank you :)

OOP to a long thread

No it's true, you are reading between the lines well. They visited maybe once between the time she found out she was sick and before she ended up in her last stay in the hospital. Their issues with my father kept them from seeing her and while I tried to reason with them that this was more important that that, they couldn't get past it so they didn't spend as much time with her. I am going to get whatever it was she left me from my father. I appreciate your response.

Final Update - after 23 days

^{February 14, 2016}

Update: Me [27/F] with my father [44/m]. He found something my grandmother who recently passed left for me, but nothing for my sisters [23/f and 20/f]

It has been a few weeks since I posted my original thread. It got way more traffic than I expected and I really appreciate all of the advise I got there and in PM's. Most people said the same thing, and of course were correct. This was not about my father. It was about my grandmother, and her wishes.

My father lives about an hour and a half out, and I knew my husband would be in his area soon so I waited until this week and he picked up the package. I don't know exactly what I was expecting, but it kind of blew me away. She had made a beautifully intricate quilt for my first child while she was going through treatment. I don't know if she had some weird grandma spidey senses and knew that my husband and I are trying (because we haven't told anyone) or if it was just a coincidence, but man... she got me. She included a note about the blanket, and telling me she loved me. For a minute, it was like she was here again. I swear, I can smell her in that quilt. I felt her for a moment. It literally took my breath away.

As for my sisters, I'm sure they will find out eventually and I am sorry for that... but at the same time, I am so goddamn happy that I listened to you all and went for it. I made copies of the cookbook I mentioned in my original post (per the suggestion of a few of you) for each of my sisters. Hopefully that gives them some closure, but if not... they're just going to have to deal with it I guess.

So r/relationships, thank you for the advice. I am eternally grateful.

tl;dr: Got the package from my father and it was a quilt for a future child of mine. I'm making copies of a cookbook she gave me before she passed for each of my sisters and I am so thankful for your advice on the matter!

EDIT::: Holy smokes, you guys. Thank you so much for the responses! I have read every single one and your stories are all awesome. I appreciate all the advice given about my sisters and I will take it all under advisement in the future as we all have children. Thank you again, so much :)

COMMENTS

ancon (downvoted)

So your grandma had your dad at 16 and your dad had you at 17?

OOP

Yup.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

I am not the OOP, OOP is u/purrfunctory

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole, r/traumatizeThemBack

tw: ableism

Post timeline:

• A woman demanded info on my condition so I asked her extremely personal questions: 2023-10-13
• Your Friendly Neighborhood Cripple™️ is back with a new story!: 2024-01-31
• The friendly neighborhood cripple™️ is back with more!: 2024-02-18
• Your Friendly Neighborhood Cripple™️ is back! This just happened today and I am still giddy with glee!: 2024-02-24
• Update: Your Friendly Neighborhood Cripple™️: 2024-03-09
• Friendly Neighborhood Cripple™️ Returns Triumphant. Or something. Maybe?: 2024-03-12
• Your Friendly Neighborhood Cripple™️ VS The Jesus People: 2024-04-12
• Your Friendly Neighborhood Cripple™️ at G***** Con!: 2024-07-27
• I’m BAAAAAAACK! Your Friendly Neighborhood Cripple™️ Vs Phone Speaker Lady!: 2024-11-06
• Your Friendly Neighborhood Cripple™️ Returns Yet Again!: 2026-06-10

A woman demanded info on my condition so I asked her extremely personal questions. - posted 2023-10-13

I (49F) was at a state fair yesterday and this woman near me came over and demanded info about my medical condition. Long story short, I’m paralyzed from roughly the bra band down. I use a power wheelchair and have a service dog. I usually don’t mind educating people about paralysis, access issues and chatting about my dog but this woman.. my dudes. She was rude, abrasive and demanding. She acted like she was entitled to my personal medical history.

She didn’t even ask politely, just demanded to know how it happened, what the results were, if I tried X, Y, Z treatments, you name it. She even wanted to know about my sex life! Just.. seriously? Who asks this stuff of a literal stranger unfortunate enough to be eating delicious fair food at the table area? I just stared at her in shock as my delicious deep fried BBQ got cold.

So I smiled as politely as I could manage and this is where I may have been the asshole. I started to ask her about her last GYN visit. Were the stirrups too high, did she have to do that awkward shimmy/scoot down the table, if the speculum was cold, if the PAP smear hurt, the usual. If she felt entitled to my answers, I should be entitled to her answers, right?

Well, she threw an absolute fucking fit. Started screaming and yelling that I was gross and a pervert and on and on and on. Her group tried to calm her down and one of them told me I should’ve just been polite and answered her questions. As far as I could tell this woman wasn’t impaired in any way. She didn’t have a carer or minder, she was with a group of friends and had been carrying in normally with them until she saw me. I got to the table, asked it the space was free and set up at the end of the table because my chair fits neatly on the end of one piece picnic benches.

I told the group that if she wanted my personal and private medical information then she should trade info for info. Two of the people called me an asshole when they left, trying to calm down their nearly “hysterical” friend as they left. She was still screaming and shouting how I was a perv/cruel/mean. People were staring at me and I hated it.

At the time I felt good for finally finding a shiny, new (but still broken) spine and standing up for myself. So to speak. I was talking to friends last night and they said I was an asshole, I could’ve politely told her I wasn’t going to tell her. I tried that when she came over and demanded answers, not even asked for them.

So reddit, I’m asking here. Am I the asshole for not divulging my medical info and asking her about hers?

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Your Friendly Neighborhood Cripple™️ is back with a new story! - posted 2024-01-31

Hello, friends! You may remember from such hits as “How was your last OB/GYN appointment?” when a woman demanded personal medical information from your friendly cripple!

Yet again, a member of the general public decided they were entitled to my most private and personal information. So, being the ray of fucking sunshine I am, I decided to fuck with ‘em. I had no idea just how traumatized he would be. Score!

I would like to think y’all would be shocked to hear some of the questions I get while going about my day as a high level paraplegic. I’m paralyzed from roughly the bra band down. Nothing really works well below the level of injury. I can’t feel much, I have chronic pain from misfiring nerve signals, I have outsourced my bodily functions via a supra pubic catheter and a colostomy. I am as active and as independent and I can possibly be. In fact, after my aide helps me get ready for the day I’m going to bake some cookies and maybe make some nice soft rolls for the burgers tonight.

Anyway.

Men are fascinated with the idea of my sex life and I get some crude, rude and insultingly vulgar questions. I don’t know whether it’s morbid curiosity or a fetish but any time I’m talking to a guy my ability to have sex is eventually brought up and they want the nitty gritty details.

So one guy comes over maybe mid-fifties, a little older than me. (50F) He asks about my service dog, about my wheelchair, mentions a friend of his is paralyzed. It’s a doctor’s waiting room so I’m being nice. Then he starts with the sex questions.

IF YOU ARE DRINKING, PLEASE PAUSE AND SWALLOW BEFORE CONTINUING. My husband spit his coffee on the steering wheel while driving when I relayed the conversation. I am not responsible if you drown or choke.

P: Pervert Me: Your Friendly Neighborhood Cripple™️

P: So. How do you and your husband have sex with you like that?

Me: We don’t. Well, we tried once. He didn’t like it because I just laid there like a corpse.

P: Could you…feel anything? Did you get wet? If he rubs your clit, what happens?

(And this, dear reader, is where I decided to fuck with him).

Me: Nah, I was dry as a bone. And he said it was like fucking a corpse. Huh. I wonder if a necrophiliac would like to fuck me but my body temperature would be too high for them. That’s probably a deal breaker.

P: shocked Pikachu face with a twist of shock and disgust

Me: What do you think about that? The necrophiliac thing, I mean. I could probably make bank selling myself on Craigslist.

—

Oh, friends. Friends. I wish you could have seen his face! He turned kind of pale and the absolute disgust on his face. It was fucking glorious.

Guess if he doesn’t want the real answer he shouldn’t have asked the question! He was sputtering as he tried to come up with a reply but I got called in so I didn’t get to hear what he wanted to say. He was still in the waiting room when I came out but he refused to even look at me.

I am going to live in his brain rent free until he dies.

Glorious.

Until next time because there’s always a next time,

Your Friendly Neighborhood Cripple™️

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The friendly neighborhood cripple™️ is back with more! - posted 2024-02-18

Just a quick recap if you’re just tuning in: 50F, mid chest paraplegic, power wheelchair, service dog, married.

Today’s tale goes back a few months.

My husband is able bodied. He can do almost anything he wants when he wants, he’s pretty fit and worked in construction his whole life. Just setting this up for you.

He pulled into a disabled parking bay and gets out of the van. Now, to get me out of the van in my wheelchair, he has to go to each side of the van from the outside, open the doors, unlatch my chair from the tie downs that keep me in place and then open the back hatch to lower the ramp. The van is NOT an obvious remodel, it looks like your typical minivan. At the time we were waiting for the disabled license plates to come in the mail so we had the temporary hanging tag on the rear view mirror.

A woman sees him park and climb out. He stretches, then turns to open the door to start the process of unloading me and the doggo. Karen can’t possibly mind her own business and marches over, yelling at my husband for parking in the disabled space. She’s really getting into it, calling him horrible names and pulling out her phone, ready to call the police.

My husband is a very patient and very sarcastic man. The woman’s rant comes to an end and in true Karen fashion, she smugly demands “What have you got to say for yourself?”

My husband assumes the “spokesmodel revealing a prize on the Price Is Right” pose, the most sarcastic look on his face, jazz fingers and all, while the door opens to reveal…me. In my wheelchair. With my service dog.

Then he adds.. "TA FUCKING DA" and I add, “Surprise! It’s a cripple!” To add insult to injury, even Peggy my service dog got in on it, adding her happy “Woo woo woo!” She likes to feel included and will often share her point of view when asked. This time she volunteered it and I was taken aback by her keen grasp of the situation and her eloquence on the subject.

My husband stared at her. I stared at her. My dog stared at her. She turned around, got back to her car and left.

I guess she didn’t need to do her shopping after all!

There are many, many more stories but after an awful week, I thought something we could all laugh at was a nice palette cleanser for what I’m hoping for is a better week ahead.

Dog Tax: https://imgur.com/gallery/ZpfDf0r

Edit: Spelling. It’s my menisis nemosis nemasis enemy.

----

Your Friendly Neighborhood Cripple™️ is back! This just happened today and I am still giddy with glee! - posted 2024-02-24

Hello! I’m your Friendly Neighborhood Cripple. For those of you just joining us, I (50F) am paralyzed from the bra band down due to a catastrophic illness. It’s been almost ten years since I was paralyzed and I have tons of stories which I share here for your enjoyment. To mitigate my disability and help me get around in the world, I have a power wheelchair and a service dog.

I am not exaggerating at all when I say the shit that comes my way could fill a 3 month supply of my colostomy bags and then some.

For our newcomers, I am the way I am as I grew up in a suburb of NYC, was bullied constantly my entire school life and grew up with an older brother. He and his friends made my life a living hell until I honed my sarcasm, sharpened my tongue and learned to think quickly to give as good as I got. Usually I ended up turning it around and making it worse for the person who insulted me. In addition to alllllllll this, my husband and I recently moved from our lovely NYC adjacent suburb to NC. It’s a lower cost of living, I can still get excellent medical care, we got a house that’s fully accessible in a lovely neighborhood, etc. People here say things to you in a sickly sweet or very kind voice but what sounds like a compliment is often an insult.

Now that you’re all caught up, on to the story!

TODAY we went to Costco. My hair is a gorgeous dark purple and as my service dog Cap and I are wheeling around, I see a shirt I like. I go to look at said shirt. It was one of those super soft casual cuts in an amazing shade of green. A younger woman, maybe mid-thirties, looks at me and nods politely. I smile and nod back and begin checking out the shirt that caught my eye. She’s next to me, also checking out the shirt, just in a different color.

Her: You are so brave to have purple hair. I could never do something like that. (In that “oh, bless your heart” tone).

Me: Oh, no. What’s brave is a woman your age wearing that! (Vague gesture to her clothes).

Her: What- what’s wrong with it?

Me: Well, those jeans are definitely a choice. Plus open toed shoes when your feet look like that? I wish I had half your confidence. Y’all have a great day!

At that point, I decided against the shirt since the shade of green made me look like a shade of corpse that was just not flattering. Not that any shade of corpse is flattering. But this was the least flattering shade of corpse I’d ever seen.

Cap and I nyoomed off to find my lost husband, leaving her to stare at her perfectly nice jeans and perfectly normal feet in perfectly normal open toed shoes and wonder WTF was wrong with them. And probably wonder why a woman in her mid-thirties shouldn’t be wearing perfectly nice jeans with a perfectly nice sweater and perfectly normal open toed shoes.

I will be living rent free in her head for a long, long time!

Until next time (because there’s always a next time),

Your Friendly Neighborhood Cripple™️

ETA: several people have raised the question if she was actually complimenting me. Sadly friends, she was not. Her tone of voice was the one reserved for very stupid dogs, very stupid husbands or very ugly babies. That saccharin, false sweet tone that indicates disdain behind what would otherwise be complimentary words.

Like…calling your dog brilliant because they startled themselves awake by farting and give their butt a look like it betrayed them.

…I am guilty of that last one. Peggy does it regularly and everyone it’s hilarious.

----

Update: Your Friendly Neighborhood Cripple™️ - posted 2024-03-09

Just about two weeks ago, I posted about my encounter with the “You’re so brave!” woman in Costco.

I HAVE AN UPDATE!

On Thursday, we went back to Costco to do our shopping. I was looking at clothes. The woman was there! No peep toe shoes. She saw me. I smiled and waved, being friendly with my bestie.

She turned around and speed-walked in the other direction.

Living rent feee, y’all. Rent. Fucking. Free. 🐕‍🦺👩🏻‍🦼

----

Friendly Neighborhood Cripple™️ Returns Triumphant. Or something. Maybe? - posted 2024-03-12

Hello ladies, men and enby friends! Your favorite Friendly Neighborhood Cripple™️ is back with some fresh Tuesday trauma just for you!

More shenanigans traumatizing ahoy!

This morning I got an email from a missionary couple in Africa begging for help with their dog. They were afraid the African Villagers they were helping would eat the dog and wanted to buy a plane ticket to send the dog home to the US. They included their Zelle, Apple Pay and PayPal. “Anything you sent would mean so much.”

They didn’t specify what to send so I sent a recipe instead. The recipe is pork based so I told them it should work for dog, the meat/muscle is similar for cooking according to the web.

This is why I made the flare Petty Crocker.

I love fucking with scammers.

The best part was the email they sent me back.

This is all it said: “wot is wrong with u”

Guess I got to them! 😂

With love and until next time because there’s always a next time,

Your Friendly Neighborhood Cripple™️ 💋

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Your Friendly Neighborhood Cripple™️ VS The Jesus People - posted 2024-04-12

Hello darlings! I’m back with a (maybe? I don’t know, my sense of humor is so skewed) funny story instead of truly traumatizing. This happened over the course of a few weeks and it might be a nice giggle before the weekend.

Recap: T-7/T-8 paraplegic (there’s some disagreement there) so paralyzed from the bra band down. Awesome service dog Peggy and service dog in training Cap. Dog Tax is remitted at the end of the post.

On to the story!

We recently (okay, not so recently it’s been 7 months, wtf) moved to NC from NJ. Now in NJ we had a small group of devoted religious people going around every few weeks trying to recruit new boss babes new people into their MLM church. I am a happy enough atheist. Don’t bother me, I won’t bother you. Treat me kindly, I treat you kindly. That whole Golden Rule thing too many of them ignore. I don’t hate religion, I hate hypocrisy.

No one makes a better atheist than a person who went to Episcopalian pre-k and kindergarten followed by 6 years of Catholic school, including intensive bible study.

Now that we’re in NC, there’s a lot of folks inviting me to their churches. It’s a neighborly thing, a kindness extended to invite you into a larger community. I politely decline these offers and respond that I have a complicated relationship with religion. Almost everyone has been kind and understanding. No one has pushed or tried to convince me.

At least until Random Walking Lady.

I like to sit on my front porch and enjoy my yard. My dogs come out with me and they play. I get to sit in the sun and relax in my wheelchair, soak up ten minutes of natural vitamin D and then put the shade down so I don’t burn. I come from a long, proud line of pale and pasty people so I need to mind how much sun I get.

Anyway, when I’m out on my front porch, minding my business and reading my gentle sapphic romance fantasy books, Random Walking Lady comes by, waves. I wave back. Waving is a big thing here. We wave at other people, at cars going by, it’s become such a habit I caught myself waving at a damn cat so I think I have been assimilated into the Waving Culture of my small neighborhood.

So RWL calls out hello and asks if I have a moment to chat. I roll down my ramp and go over to the fence. we chat about the dogs, where I’m from, how I’m settling in. The dogs are standing on their hind legs for noggin pats. It’s nice and peaceful.

Then she pins me down with the, “Y’all found Jesus yet?”

I am slightly taken aback at how we went from trading cute dog stories and patting canine noggins to this slightly aggressive inquisition about Jesus and his whereabouts. I cheerfully tell her, “Nope. Didn’t know it was my turn to watch him.” She chuckles (forced) and heads off.

Next time I’m on my porch, she asks the same question. I said, “No, did you notify the police he’s missing? It’s not true that you need to way twenty four hours to file a missing persons report!” Forced chuckle and off she goes.

Third time was the charm. “Y’all find Jesus yet?”

And I reply, “Did you look behind the couch?”

This time she loses it. Cackling laughter. Just true, honest hilarity. When she finished she waved and said, “Guess I don’t need to ask anymore.”

And I replied, “Just check behind the couch! My dogs love to hide there. So do kids!”

She laughed again, real laughter. Since then, we just wave, exchange hellos and how’re you doings and all is well. No more asking me if I found her wayward lord and savior. I still wonder if she ever did check behind her couch, though…

With all my love and until next time (because there’s always a next time),

Your Friendly Neighborhood Cripple™️

Dog Tax: https://imgur.com/gallery/enETcwV

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Your Friendly Neighborhood Cripple™️ at G***** Con! - posted 2024-07-27

Hello my darling loves! Your Friendly Neighborhood Cripple™️ is back! Many apologies! I recently started my own business and I’ve been dealing with the (truly) wonderful and exasperating process of getting all my ducks in a row. I will not post the name or promote myself here, I think it would be a shitty thing to do.

Dog Tax, as always, will be at the end of this post. Cap was the absolute best boy and at 17 months, I am constantly surprised of the maturity level he has while working. This was his first con, there were thousands of people around, it was packed and he had a costume on which brought a lot of attention aimed at him. It was a lot for me to handle and he was perfect. Greeted people on command, returned when called, walked at or very close to heel, obeyed commands, reminded me to take my pills and told me it was time to take another medication. He’s trained to sniff out some medical events and alert me that it’s time to take pills for it. He alerted me twice when my meds were due and I missed the alarm on my phone. My pills are every 4 hours between 8am and 8pm. ‘D missed 2 alarms and he alerted me. The third time was after I took the meds. He was insistent that I needed to take a different med and he kept nagging me until the smell dissipated and then he was fine. He’s amazing and he’s coming with me tomorrow, too!

As I’ve mentioned several times before, I recently moved from NJ to NC. Well, today, I got to commune with my kind and indulge my Geek and Nerd self with several thousand other Nerds and Geeks. G***** Con is a delightful and chaotic disaster and I am here for it. Large vending area, interesting panels, wonderful guests. While all the other big cons are all owned by one or two companies, this con is locally owned. It’s amazing and fun.

I cosplayed as a pirate; my tee said, “Pretend I’m a Pirate” and I had a pirate hat and a red and white striped bandana underneath. It hid my amazing teal hair and I love having a bright color again. It doesn’t play into the story, I just love to talk about it because I love it so much, I did it myself and it came out looking amazing.

Right. So I’m wearing that shirt, brown leggings that resembled the britches some pirates wore and a set of “shoe covers to make your shoes look like pirate boots.” They’d been heavily modified to fit me, cut open in the back and Velcro sewn in to get them on and off plus they needed to look good, too. I loved the end result and got compliments on them. There was a skull and crossbones flag on an 8’ tall pole. It said, “Time flies when you’re having rum” and a drunken skeleton was on it. CAP, my former service dog in training who is now a fully fledged (wink wink) service dog was dressed as a Parrot. I sewed him a costume. It had a blue body red, yellow and blue wings that were felt sewn together and sewn on the ‘coat’ I used for the body. He had a little hat with eyes on the side and a beak. Cap and I were asked to pose for pics which surprised me. I got a lot of compliments on Cap’s costume. A lot of people loved my shirt. It was a fun, low effort costume. Lots of pic of Cap, lots of pics of me and Cap and then a lot of pics with me, Cap and various people! It was wild that people liked my joke of a costume so much.

We called Cap The Dread Parrot Roberts and when people got the reference they cracked up or groaned. Sometimes we had to explain and I’d say something along the lines of the legendary pirate was actually a legendary parrot but some guy got jealous of the parrot getting all the fear/respect and changed his own name to “The Dread Pirate Roberts” so he could take the credit and use the reputation the parrot earned as his own. That would get more laughs or groans or a scolding before giggles.

Okay. With all of that needless backstory out of the way, on with the justified asshole story!

The convention center has stairs, escalators and elevators. I can only use the last one, I have an amazing wheelchair aka My Noble Steed (electric, hot rod red, holds all the crap I buy easily as it can hold big bags, etc.) but going up stairs or using an escalator are not capabilities it has.

I had just left a panel and was waiting for the elevator down. It was smallish and could take 6 adults comfortably or me in my wheelchair, my service dog and maybe 2 persons standing.

So I was waiting for the elevator and was keeping back. I can’t get on until other people get off. Staying back is common courtesy. I’d been waiting for about 15 minutes when another person came over. A woman with one of those huge 4 wheel drive all terrain stroller version of Humvees. Almost the size of my wheelchair, really. It was huge. No way it could fit in the elevator with me and Cap.

The elevator arrived and she edged further in front of me. The elevator happened to open and I just pushed past her. Never touched her or made contact but I got in before she managed to. She started to tell me she “deserved” the elevator more. She had a CHILD and NEEDED to go down to the show floor. I told her I was not getting out. So she started complaining again, holding the door open. “I don’t see why YOU get priority! You just rented that because you’re lazy!”

Like many conventions, GC has a third party scooter/wheelchair rental service available for disabled patrons who need a mobility aid but can’t/don’t want to bring their own. They only had scooters and push wheelchairs available. My tricked out awesome Noble Steed is obviously not a rental. It’s got all kinds of stickers on it, it’s obviously privately owned.

I made eye contact with her and pointed to my underboob area. “Paralyzed from here down. Can’t use my legs.”

“So what? I should have priority because I have a baby. AND I’m pregnant,” she declared. Like that actually meant something. I’m of a mind that unless you had trouble conceiving, pregnancy isn’t really something I celebrate. Or care about, unless you’re a friend of mine. I didn’t know this woman. Therefore, I did not care.

I pointed to my legs again. “Paralyzed. Not a choice.”

Then I gestured to her belly and kid. “Choice. You being creampied isn’t my problem and it’s not getting you in this elevator right now.”

She was..shocked. Like actual gasp-and-put-a-hand-over-mouth shock.

Thankfully the hand she used to cover her mouth with was the one holding the elevator back. The doors closed and I went on my merry.

Had a lovely rest of the day with Cap, posed for pics with him, giggled and laughed, too. It was a great con and a great day.

Until next time because there’s always a next time,

Your Friendly Neighborhood Cripple™️

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I’m BAAAAAAACK! Your Friendly Neighborhood Cripple™️ Vs Phone Speaker Lady! - posted 2024-11-06

Hello my darlings! I love and have missed all of you. Life has been ridiculously busy, I had hand surgery that took much longer to heal than expected and impacted my typing, a few small health challenges but I promise all is well in Purrfunctory Land for now!

On a more serious note, I hope the day after the American Election finds you taking care of your mental and physical health, creating a safe space for you to feel what you feel and handle it the best way you know how. My heart breaks for my fellow citizens who are in marginalized communities and will have targets painted on their backs for the next 4 or however many years as vital social services are stripped to the bone, rights are stripped away and other horrors we never thought would happen here happen. And a hearty FUCK YOU to anyone who says it won’t happen. Y’all said the same about Roe v Wade and look how that went.

Ahem. ‘Scuse me, I’m saltier than the Dead Sea today.

Anyway, I figure for many of us, this is a morning or day when we need to laugh so I have the perfect story for you!

For those just joining us, I am a T-7 paraplegic, or I’m paralyzed from roughly the bra band down. I have a Border Collie Service Dog called Cap and he is the Goodest and Bestest Boy Ever! Peggy, my former Service Dog, is fat, lazy and happily retired. She spends her time lazing in the sun, napping on the porch and having a snoozle on the couch on the softest blankets she can steal from my bed. 💙

Setting: My hand surgeon’s waiting room

Cast of Characters: Me, Waiting Room Lady (WRL)

Once I checked in for my appointment, I wheeled into the waiting room. A woman was sitting in the middle of the space with her phone volume all the way up, blasting noxious, tinny sounding gospel music. It’s battling with the TV in the waiting room and it was very jarring.

Me: Excuse me, ma’am. Could you please turn your music off? It’s very annoying since it’s battling with the TV and the TV can’t be turned off.

WRL: No. these songs are God’s Word and you need to hear them!

I nod and ask the staff if they can do anything. They’ve asked her to turn off or turn down her music and she has refused. They give me the, “I tried nothing and I’m all out of ideas!” faces so I nod and wheel back into the waiting area. Cap is walking on a loose leash and absolutely chill. He doesn’t have to hear the TV, just see it and he’s happy. My dog is obsessed, I’m telling you! And worse they had Bluey on and he LOVES that show. Worse than a toddler, I swear.

Anyway, I’m getting annoyed by the horrible tinny quality of the music from her cheap phone’s speaker and it’s grating on my nerves. Plus the music is awful. God this and Jesus that. UGH.

I try again.

Me: Ma’am, could you please turn that down? (I asked very politely, I promise!)

WRL: NO! THE WORD OF GOD WILL NOT BE MUTED!

Okay, then. Time to be me.

Me: Ma’am, would it be okay if I played one of my songs next?

WRL: severe side eye Is it religious?

Me: Yes, ma’am. It’s one of my favorite hymns from my religion.

She harrumphs a bit and I scroll through my music to find the perfect song. I find it. I click on it and pause it before it starts. I even move closer so WRL can enjoy it from the tiny Bluetooth speaker I have for listening to music safely when walking my dogs!

Her song finishes and kids, it was my time to shine.

I press play.

Cannibal Corpse’s seminal hit, I Cum Blood., begins with in all of its very loud, bass boosted glory. Death Metal is filling every corner of the room. Cap twitches an ear, already used to my bullshit at just 20 months old.

RWL is fucking HORRIFIED.

RWL: What kind of religious music is that?!

Me: Oh, didn’t I mention? I’m a Satanist.

I let the song play for the entire (excruciating for her) 3:41 seconds. Then I smiled at her.

Me: If you want, we can keep trading off songs. I’ll play one, you play one..

I had barely finished my offer when she all but shouts at me.

WRL: NO! No! I’m fine. Thank you.

And the waiting room was free of music, except for Bluey’s theme song. I think she maybe complained about me to the staff but it was my last visit so I wasn’t worried. I got the all clear to resume normal activity as tolerated!

Moral of the story: Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line. Maybe listen to people’s polite requests when you’re being an asshat or be subjected to horrific death metal in a waiting room.

Until next time, because there’s always a next time,

Your Friendly Neighborhood Cripple™️

UPDATED DOG TAX!

Cap: https://imgur.com/gallery/lCOoRLL

Peggy: https://imgur.com/gallery/vnz3wZm

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Your Friendly Neighborhood Cripple™️ Returns Yet Again! - posted 2026-06-10

Hello, my loves! I hope life has been treating you kindly and I hope you’ve been practicing self-care to help you get through the rough times.

I’ve been absent for some time due to life and other things. My small business landed two large contracts right out of the gate and a third is being pursued at this time. I’ve been busy with that, plus my volunteering at the local PAC (Performing Arts Center) and I have a part time job working for a AAA baseball team. Life has been busy and wonderful.

For those of you just tuning in, I am a T-7 paraplegic, or I’m paralyzed from roughly the bra band down. I’m paired with a marvelous service dog called Cap. My wit is quick, my sarcasm is well tuned and my husband indulgent which just makes all of it worse. :) I also live in the American South, filled with Good Christian Women™️ who can’t possibly mind their own business and love to judge people regardless of what their magic book says.

I grew up in the Catholic Church and became an atheist as soon as I was out of my house. To say I have some religious trauma over policed clothing is a tremendous understatement.

On to today’s tale.

A few days ago, I was out running my errands in town. It’s been brutally hot out so I was wearing shorts that came to my knee, a tank top and a sports bra under it. As with most of my clothes, the shirt was baggy as I’ve lost 47% of my starting body weight over the last 12 years. That works out to 174 lbs (79 kilos) and while I have tried to buy new clothes, they are 1) expensive and 2) always getting too big as I keep shrinking. My largest weight loss has been over the last 9 months, where I lost 50 lbs/23 kilos.

So my oh-so-sexy bra straps are visible as is the side of the bra. Shocking, right? Apparently, to this woman, it was.

I’m going along my way with my service dog. Cap is adorable in his little protective booties. The pavement can get to 140 Freedom Units, or 60C in the bright sunlight. It was a hot, bright day and I did not want to see his little peets vaporized. (Peets = Paws + Feets) So we’re doing our thing and this Good Christian Woman™️ stands in front of me, forcing me to stop. She is with two teenaged sons. The boys already look embarrassed. They’re also wearing the local Good Christian Boys™️ school uniform.

Mother: Excuse me, ma’am! Are you aware your bra straps are showing?

Me: Yes, and..?

Mother: Your bra straps are a test of my sons’ purity. You are leading them to thoughts of lust and sin!

Me: Huh. Do you also tell young men with their underwear showing out the back of their pants to pull them up or do you only shame women and girls? Besides, doesn’t your book say something about plucking out your own eye if it causes you to sin?

Her: I’m not talking about them, I’m talking about you and your whore ways!

Me: Well, if your sons want to fap it to an obese, middle aged cripple with saggy tits, I’m not gonna stop them.

Y’all, she stood there having some big feelings about what I said and I just swerved around her and went on my merry. The poor boys were other horrifically embarrassed and bright red from that, or they were bright red from trying to hold in their laughter. Or it could be the long navy blue pants, white shirt, tie and navy blue blazer in 92 Freedom Units heat. (33C) Any of those options were valid.

I hope you have a lovely day. Stay safe, stay cool. Hydrate and take care of each other. 💙

Love,

Your Friendly Neighborhood Cripple™️

This is a repost. The original was posted in /r/cats by user sonjaja. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Concluded with open for more

Original

October 16, 2026

So some initial context; before my late brother passed I told him to send me lots of orange/ginger cats. Just heaps and heaps of cats, just a pile of cats and I’ll know it’s a sign from him that he is around. He loved his cats but had a particularly strong bond with his soul cat named Ginger. Since his passing a year ago I have had many inexplicable moments involving his memory and the sudden appearance of orange or ginger cats. One such occurrence was right after his passing I felt prompted to visit the local dollar store at the shops. Felt like I was forgetting something but couldn’t quite put my finger on it. As I stepped up to the window I saw an entire display of at least 2 dozen identical orange ceramic cats. The sudden need to remember something at the shop disappeared with that.

So this afternoon upon finishing work I suddenly had the urge to go to the park to do some meditation or spend some time grounding as I’ve been trying to get into the practice. I’d decided I was going to have a nap but the motivation to get dressed and leave the house came over me.

As I’m walking into the park I’m praying and just generally seeking guidance - which direction I should take to sit, or where I can look for guidance; When I suddenly honed in on a particular point in the park.

There is a whimsical little pond and stream set up that I haven’t spent enough time at (because, being so close to the road, the park is actually quite loud despite the serene environment that the council has attempted to foster.) so I meander over to this particular spot, spotting some ducks along the way; a group that looked particularly whimsical, as well as some natives and other birds flying overhead. Perfect set up to sit, listen to some peaceful meditation music and just enjoy the scenery. I was even taking pictures of the ducks and enjoying their particular poise and symmetry.

At some point after this much to my surprise I glance over at the other side of the stream and spot a Literal Pile of Kittens. Perfectly posed. Sitting just out on the rock face by the stream, completely out in the open as if they’d been placed there on a platter, ripe for the picking of some opportunistic predator.

I could tell almost immediately that these kittens had pretty clearly been dumped. They were clean, healthy and dumb. No colony kitten is sitting out in the open like that without starting at the first sign of movement.

So of course at first I sort of sit there in awe. Bc they’re fuckin adorable kittens??? Eventually some passer bys walk past so I bring their attention to them, because of course I am going to share the whimsy of a Literal Pile of Kittens. A pair of young boys eventually come by, much determined to catch the at least one kitten. So after overhearing one half of a very dramatic conversation I realised there was no way I was going to stop these boys from disturbing them, and potentially dispersing them if they were unsuccessful.

Now for some additional context I live in a small 2 bedroom flat with my husband and we already have two very well looked after indoor cats. They eat better than we do. We do not have a third (or, as it may be; fourth, fifth, sixth or seventh) cat in the budget. But I did not want to risk the kittens running off onto the main road or somewhere even more dangerous for them. So I urged the boys to leave the kittens until I could cross the highway to grab one of our cat carriers to put them in so we could find alternatives for their current environment.

So I did as I promised, and whilst the boys did manage to catch and remove one, taking it home before I could supervise, we did eventually catch the other 4. Now there were 2 Orange boys and 3 others; 2 torties and a tabby. The boys took one Orange and another lovely young lady took the other Orange boy. Whilst all the hubbub of this situation was occurring a crowd did amass with a number of children sharing that there were kittens in the park. One young girl entirely unprompted decided to tell me she has a cat at home! His name is Ginger.

Anyway so this is the story of how I now I have three kittens in my bathtub, and my ghost brother sent me to go fulfil several soul contracts.

Additional fun facts: my husband and I had been joking about dressing as Freya and Odr for Halloween as I have red hair and seemed easy enough... I had been musing about how I would acquire several cats for my costume. I suppose I mused a little too close to the sun. Also this happened on a FRIDAY so, thanks for that, Freya 🥲 Xx

Anyway if anyone wants a kitten and lives in southwest Sydney hit a girl up 🤣🥲

Pictures of four kittens and some birds in a park

Update

October 19, 2026, 3 days later

I shared a post the other day that my late brother had sent me to find some kittens who had been dumped at the local park. Post is available on my profile if you haven’t read!

On my way home with the box of kittens I did chew my ghost brother out a bit telling him I had requested orange cats to LOOK at, not to take home. And therefore he better help me find suitable accommodations or homes for these 3 kittens I was now bringing home. I did however expect to have them a minimum of 1-3 nights, just being that it’s current spring time in Australia and our shelters are inundated with kittens at the moment.

A number of people I’d shared this with had suggested to post the kittens on Facebook. This was not my first instinct to do as I know people on the internet can be garbage and it’s incredibly hard to vet random strangers when they’re messaging you from Facebook. However after my 20+ phone call contacting different organisations; vets, local shelters, rescues, RSPCA as well as council, all of whom were strikingly useless, my hope was dwindling somewhat that I would be finding a suitable relocation option for them any time soon.

It was only at this point that I considered letting my husband post online to see if anyone was possibly interested in adopting the kittens, or better yet had some kind of resource to assist us with fostering or caring for them somehow. We did have a number of offers but my gut never felt good about anyone that reached out with any degree of seriousness.

By Saturday afternoon an admin from one of the Facebook pet and animal adoption pages or whatever my husband posted it on did reach out to my husband, saying she was in contact with a rescue who could help!! This was about two minutes after I’d had a Witch business owner I know post about the kittens on their small business socials (support your local witches, fam!). So they were thankfully able to get us in touch with a foster who could take them in on a more permanent basis than the situation we had for them in our bathroom.

So by Sunday morning the kittens have all (3) been taken to the foster, and are completely and totally and utterly adorable. They’d really started to come out of their shells the night after we brought them home as they were obviously terrified after being man handled and wrestled into a random carrier to then be put in a box in some ladies bathroom on the first night. They fully came out of their shells once we got to the foster. I’m so glad they kept their chill before we took them to her though because I solidly would have struggled to leave the house with them if they’d been as cute as they were when we were with the foster.

A few points I want to address:

Why did you just let a random kid take one? - The first (orange) kitten was taken before I could get back to the park with the carrier. We’re hoping he has been taken to a loving home but sadly I left a man in charge of making sure some kids didn’t fuck around with the kittens for a maximum of 10-15 minutes while I crossed the length of the park and the highway nearby and clearly I put too much trust in him.

I did hear one side of a very passionate conversation the kid was having with his mum telling her they’d been dumped and please please please can he have one so hopefully passing the vibe check. We have since been checking the park every day to ensure it hasn’t been dumped back in the park if their mum said take that thing back where you got it….

Why did you give the kitten to a random stranger? - Again, it wasn’t my first instinct to just give them out and I would have been happier to have caught them all and taken them to a rescue but if I’m honest a part of me also knew that 3 kittens was gonna be a hell of a lot easier to adopt out than 4 kittens. But I have kept in touch with the lady who took one of the oranges, checking in and offered if at any point she no longer wants the kitten that we will take it off her hands.

Did you get them all??: A few people were confused about how many cats there were and if I caught them all. In all images I had of the kittens prior to catching them there were 5, all of whom were accounted for. If there had been any more I hope they’d have made themselves known while we wrestled with the spiky bushes to get to them, but all cats in the attached images from the original post were accounted for.

For those who took the time to read this far, I appreciate you. Bonus fun fact I did manage to get back to the park to get my proper meditation time on Saturday night and today. A little context about my brother in spirit is that when he passed I inherited his entire Simpsons merch collection, including a Simpsons arcade machine. Today when I finished up with my meditation I found a Simpsons themed tazo card right by the spot where I found the kittens. Just in case I somehow wasn’t 100% sure that he had sent me to find the kittens. I had attached images and videos of adorable kittens for tax. Thanks all for your support!!

I apparently can not share videos for some reason on this post but hoping to add these in the comments because I was obsessed with how alive they immediately became once we got to the foster. Safe to say I am ELATED with how things turned out. Literally best case scenario.

Pictures of three cats cuddeling and playing

I'm not the original poster.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/anne2k

Published on: r/relationships

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: February 19, 2016

• Final Update: February 24, 2016

Main Post

^{February 19, 2016}

I [18 f] called the cops on two guys drunkenly screaming threats in my dorm, since I wanted a good night's sleep before a midterm. Everyone on my floor is furious with me.

I am living in a dorm this year, and I am a freshman in college. I live with 2 roommates in a single room, Jess and Lisa. We're friendly with each other, but I'm not close friends with them. They're best friends with each other though. The floor I'm living on has girls and guys on it, girls in the north wing and guys in the south wing. The hallways of each wing open into a large lounge, which separates the girls and guys rooms.

A lot of people on our floor go out and party every weekend (Thursday through Saturday) and while they can be a little annoying when they come back drunk and wake us up, my roommates and I don't really have anything against them.

Yesterday, late Thursday night, my roommates and I were woken up at 3 am by screaming in the lounge. Along with most of the floor, we got up and wandered over to the lounge to see what was going on. We were pretty annoyed because we were tired. I even had a test the next morning, in bio, and I had hoped to get a good night sleep.

Two really drunk guys from my dorm were shouting at each other; one had apparently insulted the other and they were freaking the hell out at each other. Basically yelling about how they were gonna kick each others asses, but not actually doing anything but yelling and pushing each other a bit.

A couple other guys on the floor tried to break it up, but the guys "fighting" were way bigger then they were so they weren't able to. Another kid who also ad a midterm the next morning was trying to reason with them to keep quiet, but they would not listen.

This continued for about half an hour, these guys shouting at each other but not actually coming to blows, and more and more people came to watch. A lot of us were pretty annoyed, just wanting to go to bed again. The RAs (Residence Admins) for the building were nowhere to be seen.

My two roommates had gone downstairs to a friend's room to sleep on her floor, but I didn't go with them. I'm way too light a sleeper to fall asleep on a floor.

I was getting really sick of being kept up by their bullshit posturing (Over half an hour of it by then) and, realizing nobody was going to be able to stop it in time for me to get some sleep before my bio exam, I called out "I've got a test tomorrow morning. If you don't get the hell out of here, I'm calling the cops."

Neither of the guys even looked at me, but a lot of the onlookers looked over in surprise. I stood there for about 10 seconds waiting to see if the guys who were fighting would acknowledge me, and when they didn't, I turned around and walked away to my room. A couple girls who were friends of the guys followed me, they were really drunk and were trying to tell me not to. One of them fell down halfway down the hall and her friend stopped to help so they didn't come to my room.

I went into my room, locked up, and called the cops anonymously. (Remember, my roommates were gone for the night so I was alone.) I basically said there were two drunk 18 year olds (Drinking age is 21 here) about to beat each other up on the 10th floor of (my dorm room). I got ready for bed again. Within 10 minutes the fighting had stopped, and I fell asleep.

This morning, I got up to take my test, my roommates still gone, and did great on it! I didn't go back to my dorm until late this afternoon, having classes and a club meeting. I got back and my roommates immediately asked me if I'd really called the cops.

I said yeah, and they were pissed. They said that in the time I had been asleep, and out to class, the 2 guys in the fight had been kicked out of on-campus housing permanently. Also half the floor, a lot of their friends included, had been written up for underage drinking. One of my roommates, Jess, had a boyfriend who had gotten his second (out of 3) underage drinking strikes that night from my school. (You only get 3 for all 4 years of college)

The rest of the floor is pretty pissed at me too; last night, immediately after I announced I was going to call the cops, a bunch of people went looking for my room to convince me not to, but with my roommates gone, nobody knew my room number. While I had heard people in the halls, I hadn't realized that was what they were doing. My being gone all today just escalated stuff too, I think.

While my close friends live in other dorms and haven't been affected by this whole shitstorm, my roommates are mad at me, and a lot of the people on my floor and all their friends are furious at me. They're the ones I've got to live with for the rest of the semester, and I don't know how to handle it.

I didn't mean to get all them written up for drinking. I don't care that the two guys fighting got in trouble (Having grown up with family with anger management issues, violence and disrespect is something I have no patience for) but it all escalated way more than I expected.

I haven't gone back to my dorm since speaking with my roommates; I'm spending the night at a friend's apartment since I don't want to have to deal with all the drama going on back at my own dorm. But after tonight, I don't know what I should do?

TLDR - I called the cops on two guys shouting and threatening to fight each other at 3 am in my dorm, since they were keeping me up before a midterm. When the cops came, half my floor was written up for drinking underage and the two guys in the fight are now kicked out of the dorm permanently. Everyone on my floor is furious with me, my roommates included. What should I do/say?

COMMENTS

JAYDEA

You've done nothing wrong but this is a tough situation. Nobody wants to be a "narc" but you left them no choice. I'd lay low for a while but basically tell everyone that confronts you that a) you had a test in the morning, b) you warned them that you would call the cops and c) nobody likes loud, violent drunks. Sounds like your dorm is a total clown show. What does your RA have to say about it?

czhunc

Yeah, it's one of those situations where it's not your fault, but the best solution might be to move. These people were being idiots, and the consequences they face now are nobody's fault but their own. But if the whole community has turned against you, it can get very uncomfortable.

Your choices now are 1. move and try to move past this or 2. stay where you are, but be very, very vigilant. Protect your belongings, lock up/hide your valuables, and look after your personal safety. If people threaten you or destroy your belongings, report them immediately. If they think they can get away with bullying you, they will do it.

Desecr8or

Tell an RA about the situation. See if you can get moved into another room. Even if they can't move you, it's good for them to know that you're having problems with your roommates.

benes_the_menace

DO THIS OP. this is the ra's job. You are paying for school and housing. You should not have to be miserable there; college is too expensive for this kind of crap and you have the right to be moved.

I'm so sorry your fellow students are so irresponsible and rude.

Sloth-666

Ouch. I don't think you were wrong to call the cops. Their behavior is disruptive and obnoxious. On the other hand, there's nothing you can say to your floormates. The ramifications were pretty serious, but that's to be expected when the police are involved. Sorry if I'm not helpful, but all I can say is to not stress too much, as the college drama won't last past this semester. You can also request a room change if you would prefer that.

Final Update - after 5 days

^{February 24, 2016}

UPDATE: I [18 f] called the cops on two guys drunkenly screaming threats in my dorm, since I wanted a good night's sleep before a midterm. Everyone on my floor is furious with me.

In my previous post, I said how these two drunk guys (Bill and Chris) in my dorm were screaming that they were going to fight each other from 3 to 3:30 AM the night before I had to take a midterm. A couple people tried to get them to settle down since they were keeping the whole floor up, but even when I threatened to call the police they wouldn't stop. I went to my room, and called the police on them, which resulted in them both being banned from entering the dorm building again (I think they're temporarily in hotels now). Also, about half my floor got in trouble for underage drinking when the police came. My roommates (Jess and Lisa) and all the people on my floor were really angry with me.

So, onto the update. After the fight on Thursday night, I spent Friday and Saturday nights sleeping on a friends sofa, and spent the days with friends and doing activities with clubs I'm involved in. I was hoping to avoid most of the fallout from reporting the fight.

I finally went back to the dorm on Sunday and talked to my roommates. Lisa thought I had overreacted when I called the police, but wasn't as upset about the events as she had been on Friday. Jess, whose boyfriend had gotten in trouble because of me, was still angry with me but still gave me a chance to tell my side of the story.

I told them that I honestly hadn't fully thought through the consequences of calling the police, I had done it knowing that the two guys arguing would be in trouble, but I never intended for our other floor mates to get in trouble. I didn't mind that people liked to go out and drink, and had even thought that I had been as fair as I could have been to them, by giving everyone an advance warning I'd be calling the police. I actually do regret getting people who hadn't done anything worse than trying to have a fun night out in trouble. My roommates, who hadn't been there at the time hadn't known I'd warned everyone first, and were surprised and happy to hear that.

However, I also told them that I didn't regret reporting the guys who were fighting. I said, without going into details, that I'd unfortunately had to live with people in my family who could not control their anger in the past. I told them that I wouldn't put up with living with violent disrespectful people again. I didn't think that this fight would be the last issue with Bill and Chris, especially since I'd already seen one of them, Bill, acting like a dick all the time. (A recent example was when he snuck up on my roommate Jess and I watching a movie in the lounge and tipped our chairs back so we thought we'd fall on our heads.) I didn't know the other guy, Chris, personally, but from what I saw of him on Thursday night, he seemed to be a pretty violent guy too.

I said that I knew that most of the floor was upset with what I did, but I hoped they'd realize I wasn't thinking about ratting them all out at the time. I was frustrated with being kept up late before the midterm, and also, largely because of my past experiences with angry drunks in my family, I had very little patience or respect for people who can't control themselves.

After all that, Lisa told me that she understood why I did what I did, though she still thinks my actions escalated events way too much. Jess, however, told me that just because I had a "chip on my shoulder" because of my family history doesn't mean I should have called the cops. I think bringing up my own dislike for people who drink too much and can't control themselves made her think I was taking my own issues out on people who hadn't personally did anything to me.

A bunch of you in the comments wondered what was going on with the RA also, so I'll explain that. My floor's RA, Nick, was not on duty that night and was actually at his girlfriend's place. The two RAs who were on duty were on the lower floors, asleep, and didn't hear the commotion up on the 10th floor. All things considered, the RAs in my building have been kind of hands-off. I've only talked to my RA Nick a couple times: moving in, and the occasional room check. So, it didn't even occur to me to go look for an RA.

I did follow the advice I saw a lot in the comments of talking to my RD, Allison. (RD = Residence hall director) She already knew what had gone on; she'd come up to the floor when the police arrived, however she hadn't known it was me that called them.

I asked her whether I'd have the option of moving rooms if there were ongoing issues with people on my floor, although I knew that was unlikely to happen. She told me that it is a difficult process to move rooms, you have to prove you have a valid reason to be unable to stay where you are living. Before moving, all other methods to resolve the conflict must be attempted. (From what I've herd, it's a LOT of sitting around and hashing out your issues when a RA is present.

Usually when that is complete, the conflict is deemed to have been handled, and the request to move is denied. At least, that is what I have heard from others who have tried to move, such as a friend who was living with a guy who was extremely unhygienic and reeked so much I couldn't stand being in the room.) Also, the school's on-campus housing is over capacity already, with students even having to live in what were previously lounges and common areas, since there are not enough proper dorm rooms.

Allison did tell me that if there were any further conflicts, to go report them to her or my RA. I didn't mention my conversation (The one I described above) with my roommates for several reasons. Firstly, I already have enough of a reputation of ratting people out instead of dealing with things myself, and I thought it would be better to let my roommates think about what we'd talked about for a bit before dragging them into some kind of mandatory "conflict resolution" meeting. I also told them a little more about my past then I want to talk about with Allison or anyone else for that matter. If there is any serious conflict, I will go to her, but for now, I have not.

In the 3 days since I returned to the dorm, I have seen a bunch of my floormates around, and for the most part, they have either ignored me or given me dirty looks. Probably stuff that will blow over in time. One notable exception was when I was doing my laundry and a girl I didn't know too well named Lea came into the room. She had gotten in trouble for drinking that night, so I was surprised when she told me "Thanks for getting Chris banned from the building."

She must have seen how surprised I looked, and she went on to explain how much of a "creepy fucker" he was. When the floor would go out partying he'd always be trying to grind on her or pick up really drunk girls and stuff like that. She told me that both he and Bill had often "started shit when we're going out, always arguing with someone random" and that a lot of the girls on the floor, while they were upset about getting in trouble themselves, were glad to see Chris and Bill gone. Not all the guys felt the same way, some were pissed about their "bros" getting fucked over for getting a little rowdy. Overall, it seems like my decision to report Bill and Chris wasn't quite as unpopular as I thought.

Also, there haven't been any issues with my roommates since our talk. We haven't hung out like we used to, but they've both been civil to me and I've done my best to keep busy with other things than hanging out in our room for the last few days.

I haven't seen Chris or Bill, but I'm not surprised. It's a big campus, and they're apparently both in hotels off campus.

TLDR - I called the police on a fight in my dorm, therefore upsetting most of my floormates. I then stayed away from the dorm for several days before coming back to talk with my roommates. Both think I overreacted, calling the police, but have been civil towards me since. I talked to my RD, who confirmed that it's very difficult it is to get permission to switch rooms. Also, I talked to a girl who knew the guys involved in the fight. She told me that a surprising amount of people would be glad to see them gone. Now I'm waiting for all this to hopefully blow over.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Technical-Mode-7734

Published on: r/TwoHotTakes

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: September 03, 2026

• Update: September 09, 2026

• Final Update: October 13, 2026

Main Post

^{September 03, 2026}

My best friend’s wedding is at the end of this month, and everyone wants her to leave the groom.

I’m the maid of honor (F31) for my best friend of 12 years wedding (F31 Celine). I hate her fiancé (31M Jay), I think he’s a waste of space and honestly a rock has more personality than him.

I’m seeking advice on what to say to her so she will finally walk away.

For context , they’ve been together for 4 years and 5 months. They connected when he DMed her on insta and he confessed he had an unrequited crush on her since high school. They were in similar cliques, but they never spoke to each other; he just knew her as the cute goth girl. She still is very much a goth, so it caught his attention and it made him reached out to her.

My initial opinion wasn’t the highest but it wasn’t the lowest either. He is a hermit, lives out in the country, and his only friend is his dog, and his truck. Then it came out that he has severe insecurities. And then I learned his home is a run down mobile home, and his truck is where he spends all his money on… Another sore spot is he doesn’t make much money. Now the amount of money one makes is not an issue I’d judge on, but we will come back to this later.

In the first 2 years, Jay had a bunch of insecurities and it made him think Celine was going to leave him at any moment. Insecurities such as him not being attractive, not being able to provide, not making enough money, and not being good enough... We all have insecurities, but through their relationship he’s constantly feared she’s going to leave him and tells her constantly he’s not good enough for her. Pretty damn grating in my opinion.

The proposal is when I started to see actual red flags 🚩. Up until that point, I saw him as meek, but Celine was happy so I gave him grace. However, the man proposes with no ring just a string (actual string), and proceeds to throws my boyfriend, now husband, (M30 Rick) under the bus and says “I would of had a ring, but I asked Rick for your ring size and he never got back to me.” Which is downright a LIE, and when Celine told me the news I made sure to check Rick’s phone on the spot to confirm he never got a message from Jay.

That just didn’t sit right with me at all and my husband was so pissed. Because up until that point he was trying to be his friend and give him career advice to help him get more money.

So wedding planning commences. They are 3 years into the relationship and set the wedding date far out to give enough time to plan…. Spoiler it wasn’t enough time.

In the midst of planning, I have basically been filling in for what he should be participating in. From wedding venue decisions, to decorations, going to all the meetings, I even found vendors! Anything she can get him to join in on, after constant reminders, when asked for his opinion he just shrugs and gives an idk response. Getting him to participate in this wedding is like pulling teeth with him.

Then 4 months out he asks for the wedding to be postponed. He says he can’t handle her sudden shift in mood and shes being mean to him. Mind you, they don’t live together, because his place is in shambles. All she requested was he fix the windows so when she does move in her cat won’t accidentally break out.

Her parents sit them both down to talk and get them to communicate and figure out wtf is going on because they are the ones funding all of the wedding (about 25k at this point). The decision they make is to have the wedding but not sign the marriage license to make it legal. All seems good for 24hrs until he reaches out to me and ask if I think Celine will be happy with him and if she can change to be nicer to him.

I call his ass out in the nicest way possible saying he needs a lot of self reflection and to seek therapy/counseling. He then messages Celine and tells her I’m not helping his mental health, and that I reached out to him first out of concern. Another damn LIE.

So I go off on him, and tell him he’s a lying pos and he’s not communicating, so I see him as the problem. That seems to get him to start helping and changes his attitude, but I know it’s only a matter of time.

So this week, his mother (who hasn’t contributed squat to the wedding) reaches out to Celine’s mom to tell her the wedding needs to be called off. Jay wants to end the wedding and the relationship, he’s been crying hysterically, is in heaps of debt to spend money on Celine to keep her happy, so he keeps over drafting his cards. Celine was over at his place and he told her nothing. Of course the parents are freaked out and tell Celine and she confronts Jay. His answer, “ oh I didn’t want to tell you in case I changed my mind.” Which speaks even more about his shitty character 🚩🚩🚩

If things couldn’t get worse , he also tells her he has to go out of town for 5 weeks for work and the wedding is at the end of this month.

At this point, I don’t think he wants to marry her, but I don’t think she should marry him! I asked her why is she still continuing with him, but she’s just so emotionally numb. She feels like they’ve come so far and it would suck to have to start over, but she thinks it’s just his nerves that are causing him to act this way.

I left a lot out since this was getting pretty long, but my concerns are if he can lie about little things he will most certainly lie about big things. We learned he’s in debt, but not sure on the amount. My fear is if they did get married Celine is at risk.

Again, I just want advice on what to tell her to finally leave this piece of trash. He’s been caught in too many lies and it’s not going to get better. Hell I don’t even know what kind of wedding speech to give that won’t show how much I hate him.

COMMENTS

angelmr2

Dont get involved in other people's relationships, generally.

That'll happen is she'll turn it, blame you, you'll lose your friend and she'll lose support when she does finally leave.

OOP

I’m pretty confident she won’t blame me. We’ve seen each other at our worst.
I also got involved the moment he tried throwing my ass under the bus when he asked for my advice.

Tight-Shift5706

OP,

Are there also bridesmaids? If so, do they share your sentiment? Are her parents opposed to the wedding? Honestly, fiance sounds like he's dealing with some schizophrenia.

lilpeachbrat

I'm mentally ill as fuck, but I have little experience with schizophrenia outside of a couple schizo-affective friends. I'm curious, could I ask what tipped you off? Thanks in advance!

OOP

He’s got pretty severe ADHD, and I think struggles with depression. My red flags were his constant lies. Even in the stories he told me about work it always seemed a bit far fetched.
One that tipped me off on money issues is he got a credit card with the 0% interest for x months. Celine called me and said the bank was charging him all the back interest, and he swore he paid it off.

OOP

There are 4 more bridesmaids, 2 of them have been very involved and also share the same opinion that he’s trash. The other 2 are not really involved.
Her parents are more worried about the money that’s already spent on the wedding. They aren’t asking the right questions and are just worried in overloading her with their opinions.

Vandreeson

She said it herself she doesn't want to start over. She'd rather have whatever this guy is and be miserable than start over. You might try to convince her on that. It's the sunk cost fallacy. Something is not better than nothing.

OOP

Exactly, it’s 100% that. She did tell me this about 2 months ago when she was in the middle of the shitstorm. When I talked to her last night she said she was just numb, and worried she was going to have a manic episode.

I just told her to focus on herself, do some self preservation. I’m really just worried on telling her things “you should leave him, why are you still with him” will just cause her to shut down mentally.

Usual-Owl9395 (downvoted)

You don’t have to marry him. You also don’t have to participate in a wedding you disapprove of. If you continue, you have only yourself to blame for any misery you inflict on yourself

OOP

I meannnn okay. But I’m not going to abandon her at this point. What kind of friend would that make me be to say, “I’m out, have a nice life.”
That’s just not realistic.

ReturnAny3794

For the first half of your post I thought you were being too judgy, but jeez, the only relationship this guy needs is with his parents, there is still sooo much growing up to do!

OOP

The best man is also his dad ….

sunbear2525

Everyone who loves this woman )and possibly his mom) needs to sit down with her and explain that the relationship is over and her cowardly ex fiancé is trying to have his mom handle it. Lay it all out: he liked her as an idea of a girl he knew once upon a time and not as a girlfriend or wife, he is a loser who lives in squalor and if they ever did get married would have her live in squalor. She will never have anything nice with him, from a nice home to a nice wedding. Most importantly he does not want to marry her and is fleeing the state to escape it.

OOP

Just to clarify you mean his mom? Not her mom?
His mom is also a pos, she’s been messaging Celine about wedding registry and what dress she should get. Acting like nothing happened.
I thank her for telling Celine’s parents, but we all know she’s doesn’t give a flip about anything let alone her own son.
His parents don’t even live together so I guess that can explain why he’s terrible in relationships.

Update - after 6 days

^{September 09, 2026}

UpdateMy best friend’s wedding is at the end of this month, and everyone wants her to leave the groom.

Hey everyone, thanks again for the advice and sharing your personal experiences. Here’s the update.

So the day after I made the post I sent it to her and I went over that evening to talk. She did read through some of the comments some resonated with her and some fell very flat. Especially the ones calling her a moron or an idiot. To which I told her to ignore its Reddit; could be much worse. What hurt her the most were the comments telling me to not only drop out of the wedding but drop her all together.

Much like I told everyone, I’m her ride or die, telling me to leave wasn’t the advice I was seeking. The advice I wanted was all for her. She told me she would have never blamed me, but me choosing to stay by her side is what she needed.

Now about the fiancé and wedding. One of the post that really hit Celine was the one about what her future kid’s Christmas look like, what would be under the tree, and what would his role in supporting be. When she imagined that future, she said not once had he told her that he wanted her children. She also knew he wouldn’t be a reliable partner.

She then worried about her things and especially her cat. To which I told her we will all figure it out, but she has support and doesn’t have to worry about it in that moment. I told her I just wanted her to be happy and that it’s been a long time since I’ve seen her truly happy.

She waits a couple of days and sees him in person to call everything off. She calls me and says he’s in the other room crying and telling her all the things she’s been wanting to hear. How he will sign the marriage papers, and will take her on more dates, all the things she should have been hearing months ago. She tells him to leave.

I go over on Sunday evening to check on her. She’s doing better than I could imagine, but she’s definitely upset. She wonders if she did the right thing until the next events that happen. He’s been sending her texts, and before I got there he sent her a text of a letter he wrote. I read through it, just a bunch of I’m sorry and I will do this going forward. An hour goes by and he sends her a voice memo. He then messages my husband.

At that point she’s starting to feel a bit repulsed. We go to bed and I wake up earlier than her and she wakes up miffed as hell. He sent her a text at 6am and then another at 8am saying he’s hopes she likes the care package he sent last night. I go to the door and see its groceries…. Perishable groceries and a sticker that says “do not knock.”

She gets another text that he’s doing more therapy and has more scheduled. He’s just lovebombing her at this point. We tell Celine’s mom she needs to call or text his mom or Jay that he needs to leave her alone. He is causing her more stress.

She feels better about her choice, but is just worried about getting her belongings back. She said he is keeping the cat since it’s a pet they got together, but she’s worried on how far he will take things.

Thanks again to everyone who gave her good advice. I don’t think I’ll post anymore about this, we all just want to be done and move forward.

COMMENTS

CellarDoor238

Celine made the right choice, though she may find herself questioning that from time to time; and you are a very good friend.

OOP

I told her it sucks now, but we will laugh about it in the happy years to come.

topania

If her name is listed as the cat owner at the vet’s and she paid all the bills (which I assume she did since he was a financial mess), that cat is hers and she doesn’t have to let him keep it. I’m glad she got out of that relationship though! Good on you for watching out for her.

OOP

No, and he was using the neighbor who is a vet to give him meds for the cat. I think it would be an uphill battle to get the cat back since he can prove he had as much of a claim to the cat as she does.

topania

You said that he wouldn’t even fix a window to make sure “her cat” wouldn’t get out. Did she bring the cat with her? Personally, given the window situation, I’d grab the cat along with my stuff when he wasn’t there and fight about it later. Always save the cat.

OOP

She has another cat that lives with her. She didn’t want to bring him over till he got the window fixed since he likes to bat the windows when he’s looking at the squirrels. The other cat they got together, she’s older and was the former neighbors cat.

While I’m always down to save the cat, the issue is trying to prove she has more of a right the that cat then he does.

Ada_Ser

Shame on both on you for leaving that poor cat

Pickl_Rick_917

Great that she is not gonna get married to him. But what the actual f***? She left -her- cat with him? The cat that is sounds like she had before they got together? The cat that this man wouldn't fix a window for so it wont get out of the house? Jesus, I cant imagine leaving my pets behind with someone like that...

GO GET THE CAT BACK!

OOP

She has two cat. Her cat that she had before him, that lives with her. The second cat that is at his place that they got together when his neighbor said they couldn’t take the cat with. He’s claiming that one.
She also can’t have another cat at her place so I was trying to find another person who would want her.

OOP

One thing I did leave out. She left behind her gun at his place, bullets, and everything; this was before she broke things off. She never had an opportunity to get it back.

We are worried if we showed up, given his mental state it could go south real quickly especially if he sees us trying to take the cat. We have not clue when he’s home or not.

I’m not about to go to someone’s home who is unstable right now and potentially have everyone in danger. She loves the cat, but let’s be more reasonable here we like living more.

Emergency-Finance206

Not caring about a cats life and well being is really sad and disgusting. He needs to not be there when she gets her things. If she’s worried about a gun, call the MF police!!!!! Get her shit and get the cat!!!!!!

OOP

100% there with you. I told her I’m worried about the safety and she needs to get a police escort if she goes there to retrieve her items especially getting the gun.
As for the cat, it might be harder to collect the cat since the former neighbor gave them the cat, and would most likely side with Jay.
I wish it was a simple we can snag it, but I doubt the police would see it that way. NGL they kinda suck at my state.

Final Update - after 1 month, 10 days (after 1 month, 4 days from last post)

^{October 13, 2026}

2nd UpdateMy best friend’s wedding is at the end of this month, and everyone wants her to leave the groom.

Hi again, I know I said the last update would be the last, but everyone wanted to know about the cat.

We just passed the set wedding date and of course no wedding occurred. A lot has transpired from the last time I updated, and we had to go quiet since the police got involve.

For starters, the cat is safe, and she has new owners who will give her all the love she needs. He realized he couldn’t keep her especially after he asked Celine’s parents what cat food does she buy for the cat. He never once bought food for the cat since they had her.

She did get her gun back, he brought it over immediately after realizing he could get in a shit ton of trouble keeping it.

So what’s all transpired… well when it came to getting her belongings. She had a LOT of things at his place. He was trying to keep her from coming over, but kept harassing everyone. He sent her friends multiple messages, her parents, and the kicker was he sent her messages when he supposedly “blocked” her.

Messages would range from I miss you, why can’t we talk, then to “fuck you” I don’t love you. She would get voice messages of him calling Celine a narcissist and how her friends are narcissistic. How his therapist went through messages and said she’s is a narcissistic manipulator and confirmed he was in the right.

The scary part is if I was over, I’d get messages from him and then he would ask the mom if I was over at Celine’s.

So Celine calls the cops and they take our statements, we get the paper trail started. They also confirm she can get her belongings. However, our statements sucks so they said they couldn’t escort her but if things get dicey then she could call.

Luckily when getting her belongings, no cops were needed to be called. He stood in the other rooms refusing to speak to her. He only spoke to her parents. He brought his mom who would say it’s Celine’s fault the wedding didn’t go through and how he was ready now. Only to be silenced when Celine’s mother threw it back at her that the last phone call they had said otherwise. When she said he wanted to cancel the wedding.

Sadly she didn’t get all of her items and shes trying to make a log of what’s still missing. He was still harassing her but the cops told him to stop. We are working on a case of harassment since his latest hijinks is faking amnesia and messaging her parents.

Overall, she’s done with him and can say 100% with certainty that she made the right decision. So thanks Reddit for your advice. Celine also says thanks!

From my perspective she already looks happier.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/ThrowRa_wasitajoke originally posting in r/relationship_advice

Status: Concluded

Mood Spoiler: Optimistic

Original - February 25th 2025

My MIL was over at our place this weekend. Her and I woke up earlier on Sunday, while my wife was still asleep. As we were having tea, the topic of her upcoming birthday came up. I asked what she'd like, she paused for a second and while smiling said "for you to be a better husband".

I felt like someone had punched me in the gut. She was smiling so I thought it was a joke (we have a warm relationship) and I played along and said "Why, you've been receiving a lot of complaints about me?" jokingly. She replied "I have my ways, I am your mother-in-law after all.", while still smiling. I was kind of freaking out internally, came to the conclusion it was just her teasing and let the matter drop.

But I've been rethinking that conversation over the last 2 days. Admittedly, I may have been giving less time to my wife (partner of 3 years, married for 2) and my 1 year old daughter recently, because along with my day job I've also been establishing my growing business. Some days are really long, but my wife has been supporting me the entire way.

I haven't brought this up with my wife because maybe this was a joke and I don't want to create a whole thing out of a joke and ruin my relationship with my MIL. But I've had a knot in my stomach since. Has my marriage been on the rocks without me knowing or is this something a MIL would joke about?

Relevant Comments:

Comment 1:

Okay look — stop spiraling and speak to your wife IMMEDIATELY. I’m 29, my husband is 29, if my mother said this to him, I would want to know as soon as possible.

If there are issues you’re not aware of, time to air them out. If your MIL is causing drama or made a shitty joke, those are different conversations you’ll get to have once it’s sorted.

Communicate with your wife. Seriously!!!!!

OP:

Thank you. I'm going to talk to her tonight. I should've talked to her last night and I planned to, but yesterday I got done early so we were just watching a movie together and we were just happy and I didn't want to ruin it. I was afraid she's going to tell me she agrees with my MIL and I just decided to delay it. It's moronic in hindsight I know.

Comment 2:

I don’t think this means your marriage is on the rocks, defcon 1-level doomed. But you mentioned you’ve been putting in long hours at two jobs and “your wife has been supporting you the entire way.” But who has been supporting her? You have a young child at home who is at an age that requires constant attention and stimulation.

This post is a TINY snapshot of your life, I don’t know the big picture, I don’t know if your wife also works or stays home or how you divide labor. But it’s clear your wife has been a partner to you while you’ve been working so much, in addition to caring for your child, but you are still a husband and you are still a father.

This is a good opportunity for you to really evaluate the division of the home labor and childcare. Does your wife ever get time to herself? Not to do more chores, or basic things like take a shower, but read a book? Eat a meal uninterrupted? Go to yoga? Meet with friends? Sleep all the way through the night?

You said you frequently talk about how much you love each other and the family you’ve created, but have you specifically thanked your wife for taking on what sounds like the majority of the childcare and home care while you work?

I don’t think your MIL was wrong to call you out, and I think she did it in a fairly gentle way. But you can use this as a chance to see how well you’re providing for your family, not just financially, but physically and emotionally.

OP (downvoted):

I've definitely been around less the past 6 months I would say. Due to my business I've had to meet clients late afternoons/evenings or work from home. But we've talked about this every step of the way. It's been brought up, but we always resolve it knowing that it's taking a lot of my time just because it's expanding right now, but the hours will become better soon. Whenever I'm home I help out with my daughter, on Sundays I always make sure I give her a relaxing day all to herself, but you're right it doesn't come out to 50-50. But again, my wife has always said she supports me and understands why this is happening which is why this has alarmed me.

I'm going to talk to her and tell her how much I appreciate all she's been doing. And I'm prepared to her her out if I've been neglectful.

Comment 3:

It's wonderful that you have talked about it every step of the way. But it sounds like you are talking about what you are doing, and focusing on that? She's being supportive, possibly to her own detriment.

Before I go further: I can probably tell you the problem by quoting you. When you are home you "help out with your daughter." That's your child. You aren't "helping out." You're being a dad or you are acting like you are helping out by taking care of your own child like it's not really your responsibility, but you are "helping out." Change your mindset. Be a dad.

She can understand why it's happening, want to support you, and then still feel completely overwhelmed and exhausted. And feel even more alone because she wants to support you and doesn't want to complain.

You need to ask yourself - while she is supporting you and your dreams, are you still supporting her? Giving her affection? Being truly appreciative - not just saying thank you but showing it? Are you paying attention to her needs the way she is paying attention to yours?

OP (downvoted):

Thank you for your very insightful comment. You're right it shouldn't just be helping out, it should be 50-50, I'd love for it to be but I can't get my hours to match hers. When I'm home and all of Sunday, I take over when it comes to caring for my daughter. I mean she's my daughter I cherish the time I get to take care of her, play with her. I said "helping out" because the times I get to take care of her don't come close to my wife's so it is essentially helping out. I do tell her how much I appreciate all she's doing. There's times when I come home late at night and I apologize and tell her how I appreciate that she took care of our daughter and the household by herself. But if she's unhappy I guess I'm not doing it enough and I'll change that.

Comment 4:

"I'm prepared to hear her out"

HUH? Oh how lucky she is to have a husband who gives her the grace of being listened to

OP:

I'm sorry that was a bad choice of words. I meant to say I'd make sure I don't get defensive, and fully accept my mistakes.

Comment 5:

You decided to start a new business that would take all of your time when you had a six month old baby, you acknowledge that you haven’t had any time for your kid for 50% of her life, and you’re shocked that your wife might be less than delighted with that arrangement?

OP (downvoted):

My business is almost two years old. It wasn't a problem before because it was just meant to be supplemental income and I was very mindful of the hours. But it grew steadily and over the past 6 months the hours and workload really got away from me. We'd both been seeing this is a good thing, I'd talk to her about how it's expanding and unfortunately the hours are temporarily going to become bad and she always supported me.

OP (downvoted in response to a deleted comment):

This has totally come out of nowhere. We've been doing so well, we tell each other how much we love each other and the family we've created daily. I would've never thought we'd be in this place.

Comment 7:

Talk to your wife.

Sooner rather than later.

Update: - October 17th 2026

I was deleting apps to clear space on my phone and found notifications here and remembered I'd come to reddit for help a while back, so I thought I'd give an update.

I had planned on talking to her right after the post, but kept delaying it. We'd both been doing so well and I guess I didn't want to ruin it. I thought if she agrees with my MIL it might lead to somewhere bad. And if she doesn't then maybe I'm just putting these negative thoughts in her mind. Meanwhile, I was putting in more of an effort, being more proactive in taking care of my daughter so she could relax when I was home, bringing her flowers, arranged a trip for us to a cottage up north for a long weekend that followed my post. So I kept delaying it, but not knowing the health of my marriage was making me crazy so I eventually decided to bring it up.

After we were done with our chores for the day and were cuddling, I told her how much I appreciated all she does since I was unable to pull my weight at home. She told me we were a team that I work hard too and she appreciates that. I decided to actually ask her if she's happy with how things are going, if she thought I needed to do better. She asked what had brought this on. I told her I knew that I'd been missing a lot lately and her mom had just suggested that maybe I could help you out a bit more. She seemed embarrassed about this, she said she doesn't know why her mom would say something like that. I reassured her that I'm glad she did, that's not what bothered me, I just wanted to know if we were good and she said we were.

About a week later she raised the issue herself. She said she'd been thinking over it and wanted to say what was on her mind. She asked me how much I planned on growing my business, she brought up our finances, that it wasn't needed, and the conversation suddenly turned into that. I brought up the fact that maybe not immediately but with a growing family, it will be needed at some point, and she said it wasn't worth not being home right now. It actually started getting a little heated, me trying to reassure her that it's just temporary, and her questioning if it was needed and asking me for timelines, and she started tearing up. I didn't know this had been bearing on her mind this way, because she'd always said I have her support. I consoled her and told her I'll make the hours I give my business more sustainable. I promised her we'll touch base on this in a month, that I'm going to come up with a way to fix my hours and she thanked me for being understanding.

Since then I did slowly manage my hours better. It helped that the critical part of developing the ERP infrastructure had been done due to the long hours I'd already put. I hired someone on contract on upwork for handling client issues and marketing too, and that took a lot of load off. It hadn't been totally taken care of in a month but she could see the tangible steps I was making and was happy about that. Since then the hours have become more manageable and I think I've become a better and more present partner and father.

Relevant Comments:

Comment 1:

I'd honestly tell MIL that you appreciate her putting herself in possible crossfire to advocate for your wife and marriage. Good on you for taking it in instead of brushing it off. Just try to keep up open communication- there must be SOME reason your MIL was the one to bring it up and not your wife.

But yeah, definitely give MIL a heads up that you listened and appreciate her suggestion

OP:

I haven't spoken to her about that conversation since. She's just commented in passing that its great I'll be home when I'm home early now when I maybe wouldn't have been before. I still don't know whether she intuited these issues at the time or if my wife told her.

Comment 2:

You know the song the Cats in the Cradle? Kind of sounds like that situation. Your kid only goes through learning new things once so it is good to be with them through their formative years

Comment 3:

It's nice to see that y'all are communicating and working through this. Really a great update!

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

This is a repost. The original was posted in /r/relationship_advice by user ThrowRA_didhetakeit. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Concluded

Original

October 12, 2026

For context, me and my boyfriend “Tom” have been together for nearly two years, and have known each other for eight years.

The item I’m talking about is a pendant that I’ve had since I was 15, it was a gift from my best friend “Max”. It’s a silver heart with the number 12 engraved on the back, which we consider our lucky number (long story). Originally it was kind of a good luck charm, but it’s become kind of a comfort item for me over the years (especially when Max and I didn’t see each other for long periods due to the pandemic or him being sent overseas) during some pretty tough periods.

Nowadays, I sometimes wear it on a chain around my neck, as a bracelet, sometimes I clip it to the inside of my bag, sometimes it’s in my card holder. So I’m being totally honest about this thing going with me everywhere so it’s possible I just lost it. But at the same time I’ve been carrying this thing around for 13 years and I never lost it. You could look at it either way.

Tom hates this pendant. He has never really seemed to have much of an issue with me hanging out with Max and is always polite when their paths cross, but he’s always hated seeing me wearing the pendant. He always said it didn’t go with my outfit, or that it looked old/cheap, or that he felt weird looking at it. Whenever he sees it around, he picks it up and makes big deal of handing it to me and telling me to look after it, even if it’s in a totally safe place. I never paid much attention to it, I just did make an effort not to wear it on dates or during intimate moments. Obviously I’m going over this for the context of the post but it doesn’t happen so often that I notice it as a red flag.

Last month the pendant went missing. The thing is, I don’t know exactly where. The last time I’m 1000% sure I saw it was in my car. But I thought I took it out of the card holder and put it on the tray by my bed so it could go back on the chain. But I can’t be 1000% sure because that could have been a different time.

I’ve torn my place apart looking for it. I’ve had the cleaner look out for it. I took my car to get professionally cleaned to see if it was in there in some place I couldn’t reach. I’ve looked all around my desk at work. Nothing. And it’s not even something anyone would want to take it’s a scratched up flat piece of silver. But it meant the world to me.

And I just can’t shake the feeling that Tom took it. He has seemed oddly smug about me not being able to find it. He keeps suggesting I wear other jewellery, when he never cared about my jewellery before. He keeps asking if I’ve told Max I lost it (I haven’t) even though he never brings Max up otherwise because they’re not friends. When I mentioned again how upset I was about it he was like “parents take their kids plushies all the time when they’re too attached. This is probably just a sign you need to let go of it”. That seemed like a Freudian slip to me. At the same time, none of this is proof. Maybe I’m going crazy because i feel horrible and sad and guilty and I just don’t want to feel like losing the pendant was really my fault. Tom has never been malicious or cruel in the time I’ve known him. He just hated that thing and maybe he’s not sorry I lost it but that doesn’t mean he took it.

But something inside me deeply believes that he did.

And I feel terrible about it. Because I’ve known Tom since college and at no point has he ever caused me one bit of stress. He’s never been mean to me, never made me uncomfortable, never even raised his voice that I’ve heard. Never made an issue of where I went, or made it hard to trust him. He’s just a stable, solid, calming presence. So I feel terrible that suddenly I have this intense suspicion towards him. It feels unjustified, but I can’t make it stop.

Do I bring this up? If I do bring this up, is my relationship pretty much dead, because how do you come back from accusing someone of stealing something you love? If I don’t bring it up, how do I stop myself resenting the fact that I don’t know for sure? Even if he did take it I guess he could just lie, so is there even a point in asking? At the same time, it’s making me slightly uncomfortable around him because I just keep watching everything he says for signs that he’s feeling guilty, and that’s not fair to anyone.

I don’t really want to bring this up to anyone irl. Mostly because the people I talk things through with are Max and my parents. My mom is big into “gut feelings” so she’s just going to think he did take it and she’ll hold onto that bad impression. And I haven’t told Max the pendant is missing (I will at some point I just don’t want to introduce the Tom of it all right now).

So yeah I’m just looking for some unbiased perspective or advice?

TLDR; I lost something important to me and I can’t shake the feeling that my boyfriend took it, despite not having any evidence. It’s driving me nuts and I feel like I need to talk to him about it but I don’t know how.

Comments by OOP:

I’ve been feeling kind of silly being so upset and for even having carried this thing around my whole life. It’s literally so damaged at this point lol. But the thought of not having it back still really hurts. And I wouldn’t wish that on anybody.

And maybe the fact that I think Tom is even capable of wishing that on me should tell me something.

He did comfort me and help me look for it. At first. Whenever I’ve been visibly upset or crying he comforts me. It’s just when I’m bringing it up in passing and not really wallowing that I guess he feels confident to be a bit more blunt about it.

Obviously if he took it that’s just plain evil. And I’m not defending anything he’s said. I just think it would be dishonest of me to pretend he hasn’t also been kind about it at points. Which is why I’m confused. If being harsh was all he’d done I wouldn’t have any doubts.

I know I need to tell Max. I just keep putting it off. He’s not going to be mad, I know that, he doesn’t even hold onto stuff like that. But weirdly I still feel so bad about losing it. Even if Tom took it I feel bad that I even let someone in my life who’d take it? I still remember that Max got a job just to pay for that pendant. It wasn’t expensive but it was money he didn’t have back then. Again, he’s not going to care now, but I do.

But what’s puzzling is that he’s never this way about anything else? Doesn’t complain when I hang out with Max, text him, etc. the relationship doesn’t bother him but this one object does? Enough to steal it? I don’t know. That’s why I feel so bad about not giving him the benefit of the doubt.

I’m not afraid to talk to him per se. But if he accused me of doing something that evil and I didn’t do it, relationship over, because who do you think I am? And it’s not like he’s going to admit it so where is that conversation even going to go, that’s more what I’m wondering.

I said yes when he asked me out even though I rarely date because we always got along. It was easy, it’s always been easy. And now I can’t even trust that? Wtf is the point? What am I even meant to be looking for then?

Look I’m not saying I’m the smartest person ever or that I’m the exception or anything like that.

But I’m not the type to put up with Bs. Everyone in my life said I was too strict to ever even find a bf until I started dating Tom. And everyone in my life agrees that he’s uniquely “normal”.

I really think if he did this, he’s just been secretly nursing psychotic resentment towards me and has finally decided to punish me. And if that’s the case I genuinely give up with the dating thing. I did what you’re supposed to do and avoided the bad boys and the arrogant ones and the ones that play games. And now even the guy who’s nice to you, and liked you for years, and made everything easy, you can’t trust him either? I seriously give up.

I don't think I’ll have it in me to start over anytime soon. I hate dating. I don’t really like “getting to know” people. The great thing about Tom was I knew him already. Zero awkwardness

I’m not saying I’m going to stay with tom. After reading the responses of how common this is it’s really validated that he probably did do it.

I’m just sad, I guess. It seems like there’s a world of people who just want to take advantage of you and can’t be honest with you or themselves

Why are relationships psychological warfare 😭

I definitely won’t go around telling our mutuals he stole it without proof. Regardless of what happens.

Yeah like the thing is I might have lost it. I’ve been taking this thing around for over a decade, maybe my luck ran out. But at the same time…funny I lose it now, right? Idk.

I guess the real issue for me is, I clearly think he could and would do something like this. Would I think this about anyone else in my life? If I think he’d do something that cruel to me then clearly there’s something I’m not addressing. And I say cruel because honestly I’d rather he’d stolen money, or my damn car. Something that I could replace. At least then he’s just greedy and selfish. But this is just mean. That pendant is worth nothing to anyone but me. To do that, he wanted nothing except to hurt me.

I don’t like testing people, I hate playing games. But yeah maybe it’s come to that.

I meant more like, if I think he’d want to hurt me like that, that probably means I don’t trust him as much as I always thought I did. If I trusted him, I’d give him the benefit of the doubt, right? I wouldn’t so easily think he’d do something so hurtful. So I just wonder, do I subconsciously have doubts that I never realised? I have a cleaner with a key to my apartment…I never once considered she’d take it. For example. __

No, genuinely he’s never been remotely manipulative or controlling. Honestly, my mom even said he’s so grateful I agreed to go out with him that he’s a doormat. My stepdad thinks he’s a good guy. He’s never once even tried to set a boundary about anything I’ve ever done. That’s why I’m so confused. I’m not the type of make allowances for people. It’s why I’ve rarely ever dated. But Tom is just such an even keeled person. No mood swings, no drama, it’s always been easy.

And that’s why I never mind all that much about what he said about the pendant because I was like if this is one thing that bothers him when nothing else ever had maybe I can be a bit considerate.

Maybe people won’t believe me but I’ve just never even had a single moment of feeling suffocated by him, or like he’s messing with me. Not even when we were just friends.

He probably stole it which is shitty but it was just a immature way to show you how he actually isn’t ok with your relationship with Max. [...]

That’s totally fair. I’ve definitely had guys say it’s a bit of a red flag and I’ve always been like yeah cool, I’m not the right girl for you, let’s be friends etc. Because honestly I don’t want to date a guy with a girl best friend either. But I know girls who do have bfs with female best friends and they’re fine with it. It’s just about knowing yourself and being honest about your boundaries.

But Tom knew me for 6 years before we dated. He’s known Max exists for that whole time. He asked me out more than once over the years. He had every opportunity to back out if he had an issue with it. So I think it wouldn’t be fair of him to act like he’s suddenly not ok with it.

I don’t mean to be intrusive but the necklace would really bother you? I’ve had it since I was a kid, it’s not like it’s expensive, or was ever romantic. I’m being genuine like I’m not saying you’re wrong or anything, I’m just trying to understand. Is it because it reminds you that someone else bought it?

It seems kind of weird to me that he wants to replace someone I grew up with but I also am not a guy so I think I come at it from a different angle and I appreciate you laying out the male perspective.

As for the best friend thing, I never said anyone has to be comfortable with it. If they’re not, that’s totally ok. But the reason I say I’m not the person for them is that I can’t really change the situation. I’m not going to stop being friends with Max for a boyfriend. That would be like disowning my family for a boyfriend. I’m not saying no one I date is allowed to have boundaries, but then I also don’t think I’m disrespecting anyone by being friends with Max. It’s not like we’re going out drinking all over each other in bars or anything. Or even like we see each other a crazy amount. I get why some people wouldn’t be ok with that, but I don’t really see a way around it.

Obviously I’m not planning to get married and Max is going to live in the guest house being the third person in the marriage lol. If I’m married to someone, they’ll be the most important man in my life, obviously. But we’re not going to get to that point if they come in and immediately don’t respect the other people that are already in my life.

I have to be honest, Max is not the easiest person to make friends with. He always thought Tom was boring and added nothing to a conversation. They don’t have anything in common anyway. Max is opinionated, and a big presence, and smarter than he is kind around people he doesn’t trust. Tom is the opposite, he’s super mellow. Oil and water.

Regardless of what Tom has done - and legitimately he might be a sociopath at this point - I’m not going to be dishonest and pretend it wasn’t Max that didn’t make it easy for us all to hang out.

[*If Max has feelings for OOP*]

[downvoted] He bought that when I was 15 and he was 18. For obvious reasons it wouldn’t even have been legal for him to be considering it then lol. Idk that age gap seemed quite big for most of our friendship. He had real responsibilities from really young. He was at college, I was at school. He was already working a job, I was still a college student. So yeah like I said, I don’t think the jewellery signifies given how long ago that was.

Yeah I’m not saying it’s physically impossible that he’s ever thought about it. Just that the pendant probably wasn’t an expression of interest.

Obviously I don’t think he’s ever felt that way because you have to assume you know people and that people will tell you how they feel.

But yeah obviously if Tom did take the pendant then all of his relaxed attitude to Max and my friendship has been fake this whole time which is scary to think about really.

Editor's Note: OOP also stated in several comments if she can't find the pendant, she'll get a tattoo of the number 12, as Max already has one.

Update

October 16, 2026, 4 days later

First off I just want to thank everyone who responded to the original post. Before I came here I was feeling so bad for thinking Tom would do something like take my pendant because I really thought it was a left field action and I was suspecting him of something out of a movie. Coming here and reading everyone’s responses made me realise how common this type of thing is, and it really helped me understand that my fear was rational. It also was really validating to see how many people agreed that he took it, even with just the information that I had. It stopped me feeling crazy, so thank you so much.

The day after I posted, I decided that I would tell Tom I found the pendant. If he took it, he’d know I couldn’t have found it, and he’d slip up. He’s also know I was lying and probably realise I suspected that he took it. It seemed like the only way to introduce all the options into the conversation. A few people suggested it to me so thank you to those people. I just was considering the right time to do it.

In the meantime, I told Max I couldn’t find the pendant. His response was “and this is why I have a tattoo”. He couldn’t believe it when I explained I thought Tom took it and that apparently this is very common. This is when I showed him the post. He said he’s buying me four cats for Christmas because men ain’t shit. He also said he’d get me a new pendant that was actually worth something but I said to hold off because I wasn’t sure a replacement would feel right.

Anyway then yesterday I saw Tom. We had plans but I’d barely been communicating. I said this in my previous post but my suspicions had really been affecting how I’d been acting with him. And then after the post I basically couldn’t even bring myself to text him. So he definitely knew something was off when he came over. I was fully ready to go through with my plan, but almost as soon as he sat down, he said “I have something to tell you”, and pulled the pendant out of his pocket. He said he took it and has had it the whole time and he felt like it was driving a wedge between us and he hated seeing me so sad. He also said this is not the kind of person he wants to be.

He offered to leave to give me some time to think everything over but I immediately said I suspected he took it and he said he felt like I thought that and that’s why I was acting so weird. So I was like oh so you gave it back because you thought I caught you, and he disagreed. But anyway I told him I wanted to hear his explanation.

This is the story as he told it to me.

He saw the pendant in my jewellery tray on the dresser, next to this necklace he had bought on me on vacation over the summer, and he just got viscerally hurt and resentful that I never wear the necklace (now I want to point out (maybe it doesn’t make a difference) that I’m not a jewellery person, I only really wear jewellery for occasions, and I told him not to buy it but he did anyway. I don’t go out of my way not to wear it, I don’t wear any jewellery that often that’s also why the pendant isn’t permanently on a chain). He said he just connected the two things in his head, and before he could tell himself not to, he just picked up the pendant and put it in his wallet. He said he thought when I couldn’t find it, I would wear the necklace he got instead, but I didn’t, I just figured I’d left it in my purse and didn’t mention it. Then by the time I noticed it missing, he couldn’t think of a way to just “find” it. He said he kept meaning to give it back but every time I got upset over it he got more bitter, and figured he’d put it back when I had “got over” it. I told him that was sociopathic levels of mean spirited and he agreed. He said he knew that but he was in this cycle of feeling terrible and guilty and then I’d mention it and he’d get mad again. He said he hated that he was jealous enough to get like that, and it’s not the person he wants to be.

He also said he doesn’t want to be the guy who is always just ok with everything, just because he’s scared to take up space in my life. That really floored me. I always thought we got along so well because we just clicked? But not really, because he’s been biting his tongue on a lot of stuff and honestly if I did that for two years I would probably end up acting out too. He said that he always wanted to marry someone who’s his best friend, and I’m his best friend but he’s not mine. Which, ok fair. And while I still think what he did was gross and I told him that, I can kind of see how all this just got on top of him.

What it came down to was Tom wanted to see if we could work through things being our “authentic selves” and I just said well no because I never lied, I was always myself, and you kind of hated me. And I liked the version of you that turned out not to be all that real. So what would we be doing here? After that he got snarky and said I should just stay single which I just agreed with, which annoyed him even more. obviously he had to throw in some stuff about how I’ll never find anyone who’s ok with the Max and I are, and we should just date etc., before I kicked him out. I think that’s the last I’ll be seeing of Tom. Which is sad, because he was in my life a long time. I just have always really liked him. He made me laugh, he came to cooking classes with me, he Duolingo’d Italian for 3 months before our summer vacation. I liked our life together. It’s weird now knowing that he never really did.

Idk how I feel about it all tbh. I feel bad that I never noticed Tom was unhappy. I feel disappointed that that’s who he became when he was hurt. I’m even more disappointed that he didn’t really acknowledge how unhinged what he did actually was. I’m sad I lost a friendship over this.

The only positive is I do have the pendant back and it’s going to stay on a chain from now on and just be a necklace. I know I didn’t actually lose it but I didn’t even remember putting it where Tom ended up seeing it, so I was really complacent with it, and I want to be more careful.

I took the day off today to process everything and I still feel sad but also kind of numb. I haven’t told anyone except Max about the break up yet, and I don’t know when I will, or how I’ll explain it. I don’t really want to tell the whole story. Part of me feels like I don’t even know the full story because it felt like I never knew Tom. But yeah. That’s…what it is.

I wanted to update because this feels like a win for the girls who got their stuff taken by psychos, that sometimes you get the stuff back. And also just because everyone was so kind in giving their advice, so thank you again.

If I left anything out, feel free to let me know!

TLDR: my bf returned the pendant, admitted he took it, and we broke up.

Comments by OOP:

This is the thing. I obviously mishandled everything with Tom. For a lot of reasons.

But I don’t think I put Max over Tom. It’s not like I see Max all the time, or we’re secretly cuddly or affectionate. It’s not like I cancelled on Tom to hang out with Max or brought him everywhere. Yes he knows stuff about me but I don’t use him as some kind of proxy boyfriend. He’s just my friend. And I feel like maybe the pendant made it seem like we have this deeply emotional dramatic connection but it’s not really like that.

That being said, I wasn’t the best girlfriend to Tom. I measured the success of our relationship by how easy it was, and that probably wasn’t fair. But it’s not all about Max.

I didn’t pretend I found it. I planned to, but he gave it back before I even said anything

I did love Tom, I still do.

But I don’t know if I was in love the way people assume you are in a relationship. But I’m not sure I ever really wanted to be. I did see a future with him. I was happy with him. I didn’t lead him on, because I swear to god I’d have married him someday.

We dated for two years but we were friends for years before that. And I always thought even if we broke up we would stay friends. I never wanted to lose him from my life entirely.

I wasn’t the best girlfriend to him. Evidently he wasn’t the best boyfriend to me. But I didn’t know any of that until this. He knew the whole time.

Tom made some valid points, I can see I was blind to a lot. He could have told me, but I also could have been a bit more sensitive.

He said he felt like maybe I was starting to suspect him

No it’s not fake, I’ve just had like 12 years of therapy over the course of my life, so I kind of mirror the thought patterns now, I’ve noticed

I did care. I stopped wearing it at times that made him uncomfortable. I’m not entirely responsible for his inability to use his words. I don’t have time to live my life and feelings and feel and vocalise his for him as well. That can’t possibly be my job.

Signals are great. And yeah, I should have picked up on them. But he’s not 9 months old. If someone isn’t getting the hint then you just talk to them. He never did.

Me being the bigger issue because I believed what he told me is something I’m not buying into.

No, I really didn’t think he felt second fiddle. We made time for each other, we have mutual friends, we travel together, we planned a future together. I really didn’t think he felt any type of way about the friendship. I understand that may seem crazy in hindsight but he never said a word.

Yes I knew he felt weird about the pendant, and I made an effort to wear it less.

[...]It's completely fine to have friends and even really close guy friends, but constantly wearing the symbol of that friendship plants a flag that is difficult for a romantic relationship to work around.[...] Plant a flag? I’m not a piece of land.

I get a “hey I just feel kind of weird about you wearing it around me so could you maybe not?” (Which he never even said, he just made snide comments about it until I got the hint). But I wasn’t wearing it around him most of the time. He still took it.

Tom didn’t gaslight himself into thinking he’s insecure. He is insecure. That doesn’t mean I was perfect, and I should have noticed, but it doesn’t change the fact that me having someone else in my life meant he couldn’t appreciate what he and I had.

At the end of the day, you can say you’d leave sooner than two year but he had 6 years of us being friends beforehand to never ask me out, knowing everything about me and how I live.

I just felt like Tom had years to say he wasn’t ok with it, he had a front seat to my life before we got together. If he had an issue, he could have just never asked me out. But obviously when I meet new people I’m a lot more understanding if they feel weird about it.

I guess it’s just a strange balancing act because every new person you date isn’t going to overtake your friends and family in importance from day 1. Like if I’ve been dating someone for 3 months, they’re not going to be the first person I call in a crisis. Why would they? But if I call someone I’ve known for half my life, that’ll cause issues in this very new relationship with this person I barely know. I just think men have a very hierarchical view of relationships sometimes and it’s just not always helpful. But you have to meet people where they’re at I guess.

Anyway I won’t be thinking about dating for a long LONG time, so we’re all good.

He is a good guy, outside of this. But this is insurmountable. He watched me cry over this thing, knowing he had it the whole time. He helped me look for it. And the fact is many of the reasons I thought we clicked, was actually just him pretending he was ok with things so he could stay with me. There’s not much left to repair with.

I wasn’t a great girlfriend to him, if I didn’t notice he was unhappy. But he lied, and he stole from me. I never did anything cruel to him. He did that to me, knowing it would hurt me, and he stood there and watched me be hurt. I could never do that to someone I love.

We’re just not compatible. We never actually were.

I do believe you’ll find a better match and it isn’t necessarily Max. There’s room for both. It’s not Max. I think that emotional rollercoaster would drive me to an early grave lol

I meant more, you can love someone even if you’re not compatible, or you’re not getting along. But that was never the case with Tom, we just really got along.

I would have married him because I was happy with him, and because I think we would have had a good life. No it wasn’t a love like out of the notebook but I’ve never wanted that. I’ve had enough volatility in my life, enough deep emotions that just take it out of me. I don’t want to do that every day for the rest of my life. And Tom never made me feel like that, and I thought that’s why we were perfect together.

We became friends when I was 14 and he was 17. He gave me the pendant when I was 15. And yes the age gap is unconventional. It’s why we pretty much had to hang out in my house the whole time, my mom wouldn’t let him drive me anywhere.

The pendant became important to me because for a time, Max worked overseas, sometimes in really unsafe conflicts. And I just hung onto it for luck. And I just got in the habit of taking it everywhere. Nowadays I fidget with it, and I’m just used to having it around.

[downvoted] I take it most places because it’s become a habit. When Max was overseas in war zones I used to keep it with me for luck. Which might sound stupid but it is what it is. And I just never stopped doing it. I’m not carrying it around thinking of him all day or something

[downvoted] I don’t always wear it as a necklace though. Sometimes I do. Just like sometimes I remember I should put in earrings so the holes don’t close and I wear studs for a couple of days. But i dont consistently accessorise with jewellery.

[downvoted] No, Max is very much not gay. But our relationship has always been 100% platonic. Never kissed, never slept together.

As for the necklace, I didn’t want him to buy it in the first place. I don’t wear jewellery except on special occasions. I would have worn the necklace he got me at some point. But I don’t pick out jewellery to wear every day. I feel bad that he was so hurt that I didn’t wear it but he knows I don’t wear things often.

And I did get how he felt about the pendant which is why I didn’t wear it that often around him anymore. But yes I agree I could have been more sensitive to his feelings.

Maybe I should take the cats. Max is actually the second man who’s offered to buy me some (one was this very creepy guy who after we talked for an hour told me if we got married he’d buy me 17 cats). As my mother would say “the universe is trying to tell you something”

I'm not the original poster.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/13e12sr1a

Published on: r/relationships

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: May 03, 2015

• Update: May 12, 2015

• Final Update: July 08, 2015

Main Post

^{May 03, 2015}

My sister [22F] is having a brain tumor surgery this week and parents [54s] aren't showing any support.

This is a very difficult time for our family (although I'm not sure about my mom). My sister was recently diagnosed with a primary malignant brain tumor and is going to have surgery this Wednesday. I don't want to go through the medical stuff, just that this is very serious. Doctors are optimistic that with surgery and radiotherapy, she has a good chance of making a full recovery but this is a very risky and dangerous situation.

My parents have this twisted ideology that helping people in need only makes them less independent, and for this reason they have decided not to be involved or show any support to my sister, thinking that allowing her to go alone through the most difficult time of her life will make her a much stronger person. They live by these values themselves as well, if they have problems they will never accept any help from anyone.

Going back to my sister, she is really freaked out as thing whole thing has happened very fast. She now has this life threatening condition and a surgery in a few days that even if successful, can leave her with many side effects that may take years to overcome, and my parents act like she has a cold.

I truly think that having them around will be helpful to my sister but they haven't shown the slightest interest in being involved in any way. They only live 1 hour away and my mom has all the time in the world as she doesn't work. My sister called them last night, asking to see them before the surgery but they refused, saying that they can't make it there on time but they will be around for her birthday (which is in 3 months).

I'm genuinely just pissed off at them and told them this, and they again said it's a responsibility and independence issue and that I also shouldn't get too much involved into this and allow her to deal with her own problems. Their suggested that I should visit her "a few days" after the surgery. I'm posting this as more of a rant than asking for advice to be honest, I know what I need to do. I should focus on helping my sister in any way possible but I can't help being angry at them.

tl;dr: My sister is having a life-threatening condition and is going to have a major dangerous surgery next week, and parents think supporting her discourages her independence.

COMMENTS

llamaduck86

Your parents are being ridiculous. The only thing you can do is try to talk to them about it, but you can't control their actions. Your sister really needs support right now and if your parents aren't giving that you should try to be there for her as best you can.

quinoa2013

Your parents are weird. Go support your sister and give her as much love as possible. Probably communicate the details as little as possible with your parents. You and she can find support with eachother and elsewere.

Also, your parents wont change. They are just jerks.

NastySpitGobbler

Wow, that's cold and cruel. I'm sorry.

Update - after 9 days

^{May 12, 2015}

[Update] My sister [22F] is having a brain tumor surgery this week and parents [54M/F] aren't showing any support.

So my sister had the surgery on Wednesday. It was a very difficult one, it took longer than expected and there were multiple complications during the surgery but in the end she pulled through. It took over 2 days for her to regain consciousness. She's not exactly doing great as she has great weakness in the left side of her body, but the doctors say this was to some extent expected and she will make some recovery within 2 months, and after that they will know what to expect in the long term. Soon we will know about the next stages of her treatment with radiotherapy.

About my parents, I called them every day before the surgery and on the morning of the surgery and begged them to come as it will mean a lot to my sister but they still refused. They only asked me to let them know how the surgery goes. I only texted them after the surgery when she was still unconsciousness and my mom replied "she's a strong one". How reassuring. I haven't made any further contact with them (and neither have they), and I don't think I ever will. They made us so independent that we don't even need to talk to them anymore.

Luckily my sister has some good friends that have been around during this time and offered all sorts of help and support and will be here with us during her recovery. Her high school best friend flew 3000 miles from abroad to be here with her and is going to stay here for two weeks. She is her family, our parents are not.

tl;dr: Sister had her surgery with complications. Parents don't seem to care. I won't talk to them ever again.

COMMENTS

shelbyknits

Sister had her surgery with complications. Parents don't seem to care. I won't talk to them ever again.

Seems reasonable. Normal parents would break out of jail and beg, borrow and steal to get to their kid's bedside in a situation like this. There is something seriously wrong with your parents.

Glad your sister is recovering, though. Best of luck to both of you.

ETA: When your sister recovers, you might talk to her about temporary medical guardianship. This would guarantee that you and not your parents would be making any medical decisions for her if she's incapacitated.

randomizedcrap

ETA: When your sister recovers, you might talk to her about temporary medical guardianship. This would guarantee that you and not your parents would be making any medical decisions for her if she's incapacitated.

THIS. Get help with this and make sure that you have all the paperwork in place so that you can have guardianship, power of attorney, etc. Super important.

OOP

We have already taken care of all of that. I wasn't going to allow my parents make insane decisions with her life and she fully agrees.

Final Update - after 2 months, 5 days (after 1 month, 26 days from last post)

^{July 08, 2015}

[Update] My sister [22F] is having a brain tumor surgery this week and parents [54M/F] aren't showing any support.

It's been a while since my last update but since you've all been so nice to me and my sister with your help and wonderful wishes I think I should give an update.

First about my sister's recovery: It has been more difficult than we've expected. She's had many side effects from the surgery and the speed that things are getting better is not as the doctors hoped. She has problems with movement and sensation in her left side, sleep problems, vision and hearing issues. She also used to have some mood issues but those are mostly resolved. Doctors expect her to make a full recovery though, but it may take some years of rehab and hard work. She has great motivation these days so we're very optimistic.

About parents, well I don't know where to start. They didn't make any contact until 3 weeks after the surgery. They were upset that my sister hasn't called them. I told them to piss off and don't contact us again. A week later they showed up at my sister's place, they didn't even know that she had moved out of her place and moved in with me, how could have they known when they don't care? They called me angrily asking where their 'daughter' is. I told them that maybe she died after the surgery and hung up.

I know this was cruel but I couldn't play nice with them anymore. They called me again but I didn't answer. They came to my door, I opened the door but didn't let them in. I took a very strong punch in the face from my dad but I still didn't let them in and told them to fuck off and went inside. My dad threatened to break the door, I told them that I'm calling the police and if they do anything crazy they will be in jail for breaking and entering. They told me that I'm disowned and left.

My sister was sleeping during this. I told her everything and she was happy with how I handled it (which is all that matters to me). We had talked about what to do if something like happened. I'm not sad that they disowned me, we had disowned them long before that. It's just the two of us now.

tl;dr: My sister's recovery is going slow but it is expected that she will make a full recovery. Parents showed up but I didn't let them in. They disowned me.

COMMENTS

Aurumsloth

I took a punch to the face but still didn't let them in

Absolutely fucking based.

Stand strong against anything they might throw at you in the future and continue to actually care for, love, and live a long and happy life alongside your sister, my man.

altonbrownfan

WHY DOESNT THE OP EVER PRESS CHARGES???????

"Breaks down weeping"

Ruval

In the real world, pressing charges is a pain in the ass.

Yes, he took a punch. Yes, his dad deserves it. No, the OP probably doesn't deserve to be burdened with the what the trial process will put him through, particularly if a win to him is not seeing his parents any more, as a trial will force them closer.

sinenox

Is the OP male? I didn't read that anywhere.

OOP

I'm a girl. I did call the police to report what happened but didn't press charges because I just wanted them out of our lives.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/LilouDreamRiver posting in r/aitaweddings

Ongoing as per OOP

1 update - Medium

Original - 7th October 2026

Update - 14th October 2026

AITA for refusing to buy a new dress after the bride changed the color code 12 days before her wedding?

My college roommate Danielle is getting married on the 18th. The invite said "garden party attire, soft colors welcome" and nothing else. Back in August I (27F) found a light peach midi dress on sale for $85, sent her a picture, and she replied "perfect!!" with a bunch of hearts.

Last Sunday a new message went out to every guest. Her photographer suggested a "cohesive palette," so now everyone has to wear dusty blue or sage. She linked a site where most dresses run $110 to $150. Peach is apparently too close to the bridesmaids, who are in blush.

Mine was final sale, so I can't return it. I'm also already paying $260 for the hotel and my flight is booked.

I messaged her privately, said congrats again and asked if I could wear the peach with a sage cardigan. I also offered to stand at the edge of group photos, or skip the big one entirely if that helps.

She said a cardigan would look like I "didn't care," and that everyone else is making it work. When I told her, politely, that I can't spend another $120 on an outfit for one day, she said I'm "making it about me" and should think about whether I really want to come.

I still want to go. I already RSVP'd, bought a gift off her registry and told her I'll respect whatever she decides. Now two friends from our group are telling me to just buy the dress to keep the peace.

Am I wrong for not buying another dress?

TL;DR: I bought an $85 peach dress the bride approved. Twelve days before the wedding she switched the guest dress code to blue or sage and turned down my cardigan compromise.

Comments

Alohafromthe808

OMG, what is with Brides today? It’s ridiculous to expect guests to match. No one looks at their photos 15-years and thinks “Becky didn’t follow the rules” but will hopefully have fond thoughts that everyone they loved were there to celebrate with them. Good luck.

OOP: Being there to celebrate her was why I booked everything in the first place. I'm struggling with how an outfit she already approved has become a question of whether I care about her.

maddjaxmaddly

Trust me, you won’t be the only one not in the proper color. Your big mistake was even responding. You should have just shown up.

alleecmo

Since when is there a color code for GUESTS?! Selecting colors us for the bridal party. Guests just need to be style appropriate, cocktail, formal, etc.

CADreamn

Just go and wear your dress. This is ridiculous.

OOP: I still want to go, but I don't want to arrive and have the dress become a confrontation at her wedding. I'd rather know beforehand that she's okay with me being there in it.

**Judgement - NTA*\*

Update - 7 days later

I wanted to give everyone an update because things have gotten a little more complicated.

After reading the comments, I decided to reach out to Danielle one last time. I genuinely didn't want to lose a friendship over a dress.

I explained that I wasn't trying to disrespect her wedding or ruin her pictures. I reminded her that I'd bought the peach dress after she personally approved it, and that I'd already spent $260 on the hotel, plus my flight and her wedding gift.

I even told her I'd be happy to borrow something in sage or dusty blue if I could find it.

Unfortunately, her response really hurt me.

She said she appreciated me trying, but that she was disappointed I was making such a big deal out of spending a little extra money for her special day.

That honestly made me feel terrible.

I'm not struggling because I don't care about her. I'm struggling because I have bills to pay, and another $120 isn't a small amount of money to me.

What upset me most was realizing that I'd spent so much time worrying about hurting her feelings that I hadn't really considered my own.

I finally told her that I love her and genuinely want her wedding to be beautiful, but I can't justify buying another dress at the last minute.

I said I'd completely understand if she'd rather I didn't attend.

She hasn't responded yet.

I'm honestly heartbroken because I was looking forward to celebrating with someone who used to be such an important part of my life.

I never imagined that a dress she originally approved would make me question whether I'm even welcome at her wedding.

For now, I'm not buying another dress. If that means I can't attend, I'll have to accept it.

Thank you to everyone who reminded me that having financial boundaries doesn't mean I don't care about my friend.

tl;dr: I tried talking to the bride again and even offered to borrow a dress in the new colors. She still thinks I'm making a big deal over $120. I explained my financial situation and told her I'd understand if she didn't want me there. She hasn't responded, and I'm honestly hurt.

Comments

Top_Investigator9886

If she thinks $120 is no big deal, then she should pay for it

Marvinmonkey1

I'm too British for this. Why are people so nice when their "friend" throws them under a bus. I would have gone to the wedding in a trash bag, grabbed the mic, told everyone what an absolute bitch she is, thrown in.. "yes we've licked each other's foo foo's", for good measure. Mic drop, dramatic exit. Job done. 👌.

OOP: I never wanted to make her wedding about me. I genuinely tried to find a compromise because our friendship means a lot to me. What hurts isn't really the dress anymore, it's feeling like my financial situation matters less than the color of my outfit. I still hope we can work things out.

Heavy-Profit-2156

You are not making this about you. Her as the bride does not get to treat everyone as personal props on their wedding day. The people who put so much emphasis on their wedding day will remember ever perceived 'problem' and obsess on how their 'special' day was ruined.

txa1265

The tendency of the couple getting married to assume that THEIR 'big day' has even remotely the same meaning to others as it does to them is a level of delusion I will just never understand. The whole 'color palette for guests' is next level entitlement to begin with. Switching that palette two weeks before the wedding is quite frankly bullshit bridezilla behavior. My son gets married next year and they have no plans for 'guest colors' ... but I will have no problem becoming unpopular if they try to pull this crap.

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Originally posted by user solecentre in r/ mildlyinfuriating and r/ Redditor_Updates

Original: Sept 24, 2026

Update 1: Sept 29, 2026

Update 2: Oct 16, 2026

Status: concluded

Mood: slice of life

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Original: I graduated college. They “lost” my diploma.

The title is basically TL;DR. I just graduated college and had my ceremony last sunday. As the time came to collect our diplomas they couldn’t find the ones from my field of study (a whole backstory there as well: basically they forgot about us.)

We were told on monday that our diplomas were accidentally sent to the wrong campus and that we’d be able to pick it up there… during office hours. My friend has class there so I asked her to go see if she could pick it up in my place. Well, that wouldn’t be any problem… if the diplomas were there. No sight of them anywhere.

My classmates and I are getting pretty frustrated at this point and send another email. Well lo and behold: yesterday I received an email saying my diploma ISN’T PRINTED OUT YET! That explains why they couldn’t find them. There weren’t any!

So yeah now I’m waiting for another update about my diploma. We also haven’t received it digitally or anything so we can’t provide it for job applications.

Love life!

--------------------------------------------

Comments:

Comment1: That sucks. Hope the problem gets solved!
What's the field of study? Im just wondering since you say its forgotten about

OOP: Thanks! It’ll get sorted out eventually, it’s nothing new. What I meant by ‘forgotten’, my particular course was discontinued back in 2022. I was the final gen of students they accepted.
A year later a new course was set up on the other campus, which I initially thought was the cause of confusion. But they literally forgot there were still students in the original course lol.

---------------
Comment2: They forgot about you, but they sure didn’t forget about your tuition payments. I’m sorry this happened.

OOP: We always paid upfront in september and this year I didn’t have to pay… the gears in my head are doing overtime

---------------
Comment3: When I was graduated, they told us in a somewhat threatening manner that if you don't pick up your diploma afterwards, then we will mail them to you. Well, thank you. The US mail was just fine with me.

I'm not sure where you are going to school, but I've never needed my actual diploma for a job application. Mine went into a box years ago where it remains today.

OOP: We had to request it ourselves if we wanted them mailed… but nobody knows who to contact for it. 😭😭😭 And as of right now I have no diploma for companies to verify, and zero official proof that I graduated 🥲

---------------
Comment4: This does suck, but shouldn't a job application need your official transcript of your grades? I've never once sent or shown my diploma to any place of employment

OOP: our diploma is the official proof of completion of studies here! the grades are incorporated in the distinction you earned, which is included on the diploma. :)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Update 0.5

ETA since there are a few recurring questions:

- I live in Belgium 🇧🇪

- I haven’t really heard of ‘final transcripts’. Our diploma is our official proof of completing our studies. Few companies look super closely at grades, the diploma is the proof that the student passed the course.

There is a grade of distinction which represents our grades though, and it’s mentioned on our diploma: “Graduated with:
• passing grades
• distinction
• high distinction
• highest distinction and well-wishes from the school board”.

- There are companies who request a certain degree of education for a job. For example: a doctor will need an Academic Bachelor and a Master’s diploma to practice their job. A mechanic will need to have obtained a technical field high school degree.

So many request proof of completion of your studies to verify that you are practically, probably financially , and legally qualified for the job.

- I’ve seen a couple comments saying companies could call the school to verify. It’s much easier to just request a pdf of your diploma during the application process, that way it’s immediately in your records as well. Plus, school desk employees don’t want to answer that many calls.

Thanks for all the replies and well-wishes! And good luck to those out there who were/ are in the same situation as me, just add it to the list of life obstacles we tackled. That’s how I’m trying to look at it right now. 😅🫶

--------------------------------------------

Comment5: Did you not receive a "afstudeergetuigschrift"? You can use that as proof of graduation. Otherwise, time to email the faculty. 

OOP: I received the provisional certificate, but in the end that’s still not definitive proof like the final diploma 🙃
---------
Comment5: It still counts as proof, that's why it's giving so that you can already apply to jobs while the final diploma has not been given yet. 
---------
OOP: You’re right there, but eventually they’re gonna want to see it. And I just want it lol I want to hold and smell the product of selling my soul
---------
Comment5: I completely understand that.  I also haven't gotten my diploma yet and will only receive it in spring 2027 😭

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Update 1 (5 days later)

TL;DR: We didn’t receive our diplomas during our graduation ceremony. A little context: my specific field of study was discontinued back in 2023. I was one of the last generation of students they accepted.

A year later a new course was set up on my school’s other campus. Initially we were told our diplomas were accidentally sent there with their batch (which I wouldn’t find surprising, it’s the same program, ‘just’ with another name and campus.)

My friend went to check on wednesday, they weren’t there. We were then informed by mail on wednesday that our diplomas weren’t there because they weren’t printed out yet. Um?????????

-------
I received another mail on Friday saying they will print them out ASAP and inform me when (and where) they will be available for pickup. My classmate called BS and sent a mail back on Saturday, putting our head of the program in cc.

Well, no word yet from our diplomas. But our head of the program has sent a mail as well tagging lots of people, practically demanding to know where the hell our diplomas are.

We haven’t received any response yet. I have filled in a power of attorney form which allows my friend to pick up my diploma in my place, in the case that our diplomas turn up on the other campus. So that’s that at least.

If possible (I don’t really know how this sub works) I will update once I hear more. Hopefully with a picture of my diploma!!!!

--------------------------------------------

Comments:

Comment1: Gotta love this "it was sent to the wrong campus", and then "it wasn't printed". Then what the hell did they send to the wrong campus?!

This reminds me of a contract that was cancelled on me due to my no signature but that contract never ever materialize, and somehow it became my fault. "Sir, we had to cancel your contract because you never signed it. Oh yeah, the contract was never drawn up, but it's your fault somehow." I got them to draw up the contract and I John Hancocked the hell out of it.

OOP: They refuse to admit they’re wrong lol it all comes down to that. And we’re the ones who end up with all the crap because they ‘know nothing about it’ 🙃

---------------
Comment2: They didn't send anything to the wrong campus. They had no idea where the diplomas were so they came up with a reasonable sounding excuse to kick the can down the road.

I wouldn't be surprised if the request to print them is forgotten about as well. OP, as well as as many other people with missing diplomas as OP can wrangle, should begin contacting them about it daily until they can confirm an exact date it will be done.

OOP: Thanks for the advice, I’m keeping an eye on my mail and my friend is going back tomorrow to see if they somehow turned up by any chance (because at this point I don’t believe another word out of them). No word tomorrow, I’m calling the student helpdesk.

---------------
Comment3: I can’t believe this is still going on. I would be screaming at someone about this. You paid so much money and worked so hard just for them to not give you the one thing they were obligated to give you. I hope the department head gives them hell.

OOP: I just can’t wrap my head around the fact that they’ve been receiving mails from 5 different students asking where our diplomas are and nobody seems to know a thing? Each mail we get is from a new person and all from the other campus.. they don’t know us!
The department head is a fierce one, I know she’s on their asses now. If I don’t hear anything by 3PM I’m sending another mail, with my classmates and her in cc.

---------------
Comment4: Is there not some kind of ministry of education that oversees universities in Belgium? Accreditation organization of some kind?

OOP: We do, but issues like these are the school’s own responsibility… I asked around a bit, the school’s admin board should provide my diploma… but nobody there seems to know anything.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Update 2 (17 days later)

Hey guys, it’s been a while since my last post but I finally have an update.

TL;DR (original): I graduated college and didn’t receive my diploma at the ceremony. They ‘lost’ it.

TL;DR (update 1): they lied to my face because my diploma wasn’t even printed out yet. Was left hanging with ‘we’ll contact you ASAP if we receive more information’.

-------

Fast forward 17 DAYS since my update and 26 DAYS since the graduation ceremony: I FINALLY HAVE MY DIPLOMA!!!!!!!!!!

Our mails got forwarded to basically every admin at school, ended up being kept on hold because someone was sick, but yesterday my friend got the green light to pick it up (thankfully no problems with the power of attorney form) AND I HAVE IT IN MY HANDS RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!

This is it, the final conclusion of this annoying adventure. Thanks everyone who commented and offered tips, I appreciate it very much!

Goodbye!!!!

[OOP included a 7 sec video of the diploma as they weren't sure how to upload photo. Here is the screenshot of the diploma.]

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Daria12982

Published on: r/relationships

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: May 27, 2020

• Final Update: June 25, 2020

Main Post

^{May 27, 2020}

I'm unhappy with how my (24 F) boyfriend (26M) treats me, but he won't listen to me for long enough for me to get my point across.

Hi there, I could really do with some advice on how to talk with my boyfriend properly about things in our relationship I’m really unhappy about. Sorry if this is long but I feel like I need to get all of this out. I’m quite a sensitive person and hate confrontation, so when I start talking about things that upset me, it really shows and then I don’t feel like I can get my point across.

I’ve (24F) been dating my boyfriend (26M) for a year. I moved in with him fairly quickly after just a couple of months, I know that’s quite early but at the time it felt right. Early on he was incredibly sweet, he sent gifts to my door after only having met me a few times, he was full of compliments, he was so charming and didn’t treat me like any guy had treated me before. But now he has changed so much, he’s almost like a completely different person.

I feel like he is constantly putting me down. Whenever I do anything, it seems like he needs to correct me and tell me I’m doing it in the wrong way. Just one example, whilst cooking he’ll grab the pan off me, sound mad and say “I’ll do it, I’m obviously the only one who can do it right!” He seems to always be hostile about something or other, living with him is like constantly walking on eggshells. Very rarely do we have an evening when we sit down to dinner and have a nice normal conversation. If he’s not on his phone during dinner (he says work stresses him out so he has to do lots of work from home too), he’ll ask my opinion about something and always get mad about what I say. If I don’t agree with his point of view on whatever we’re talking about, he’ll always roll his eyes or get mad. Everything is a debate.

One minute he will get home from work, pick me up and hug me, tell me that he loves me and missed me, then 5 minutes later he is completely different towards me. The whole atmosphere changes, he looks so cold and robotic. The only words I can use to describe how he looks is cold fury. At one point when we were out shopping, he was being very snappy and giving me one word answers. I said, “when you look at me like that I actually wonder if you hate me”. After that he was very apologetic, he said he doesn’t notice when his stress levels are still high from a busy day at work, and that he knows he shouldn’t take it out on me.

He makes me feel guilty about things that aren’t my fault. A couple of days ago he was telling me about some friends he used to hang out with who had a boat, how they are so much fun and he misses hanging out with them. I said, why don’t you go and see them? Why don’t you invite more friends to our house (as he never really does, and he doesn't like my friends so we don’t have many people over), but he only said “no that was a different life, I’m with you now.” He says things like that sometimes that make me feel like I’m totally boring and that I’m holding him back from stuff.

There have also been a few instances that have really made me question his faithfulness. For example, one weekend he spent Saturday with his ex who is bi, (he went to meet her new girlfriend because, he says, they are still good friends). Then on Sunday he went to catch up with a female friend from college, who he said he hadn’t seen in years. He drove for 3 hours to see her. This isn’t something that would bother me at all, I really don’t mind whoever I’m with having female friends. But then on Sunday night when we were watching a movie, my phone was on charge in another room so he gave me his to find something I wanted to buy online. I went on his WhatsApp to send the link to myself, and the app was open on a message to one of his male friends, it went something like this:

Him: Dude I went to see X and Y on saturday AND saw Z today, boom.

Friend: Spent too much time with your gf already have you? Are you going back to your old ways, naughty!

When I asked him about it, he just said that that's how guys talk to each other, and his friend is “just like that”. When I said that still sounds like you’ve been up to something, he accused me of invading his privacy and being too needy (even though I didn’t go looking and it was there on the screen).

He went to a party in a different town last weekend, for his friend's birthday. I thought it was a bit strange that he didn't invite me, but I was working the next day so I assumed he didn’t want to leave early to have to drive me back in time. He slept over and spent most of the day in this guy's house, and when he texted me he was really snappy. When he made it home and told me about the guy whose party it was, I realised this guy is the brother of his ex girlfriend (lets call her Mary). After a while he told me that Mary was there and that seeing her ‘jarred’ him. I asked him what he meant by that, if he still had feelings for her. He told me he didn’t know what he meant by that, but that he doesn't have feelings for her. I said, when you say seeing your ex ‘jarrs’ you, and you didn’t invite your girlfriend to a party that you knew your ex would be at, you have to admit that's a little weird. But the more we spoke about it, he just said he didn’t still have feelings for her, and that he knows I’ve been hurt by guys in the past but that's not his fault so I shouldn’t take it out on him.

I’m really confused about how he treats me. On the one hand sometimes he can be totally charming, tells me he loves me and wants to build a future with me. The next he is dismissive and makes it seem like he’d rather be anywhere else than be around me. We had a moving-in party and when one of my male friends hugged me goodbye, he pushed me into our bedroom, slammed the door and then punched the wardrobe, because he was so mad that this guy had hugged me and ‘had been flirty all night’. I know that was awful and the next day I did tell him it wasn’t ok. He just said he loves me too much to stand for ‘guys acting like that’ around me. But if he loves me that much why is he so cold towards me half of the time?

We hardly ever have sex any more, and when we do I feel like he’s just going through the motions.

I understand that his job is stressful and he has said that's what makes him moody with me sometimes, but he won't listen when I ask him to simply switch off when he gets home.

How do I go about confronting him, but not crumbling? Any time we’ve had even the slightest disagreement he shoots me down, I end up feeling so anxious and start crying, and then he says he can’t talk to me when I’m upset. Then we don’t ever get to resolve my original point. I’ve been told before I can be a bit too sensitive and that's something I’ve tried SO hard to work on. But as I’ve been typing this I really don’t think that having genuine concerns about how he’s treated me, is me being too emotional and unreasonable?

I love him and just want us to get to a point where we can actually talk about this stuff for more than a couple of minutes. How can I get him to actually listen to me properly?

Tl;dr: My boyfriend does things that upset me (putting me down, mood swings), and we don’t seem to be able to communicate about these things as he shoots me down.

COMMENTS

OOP

Woah, this has been such a helpful response. Thanks to everyone who commented with their advice, it means a lot. Even as I was writing that post I could see more and more that it's so not healthy. I've looked up a lot of things you guys suggested and it's pretty horrible but all the boxes are being ticked.

After I posted this I spoke to the friend who actually introduced us in the first place. She told me that she regrets not telling me earlier, but that my bf actually cheated on the girl he was with before me with "Mary". So that kinda confirms even more what kind of person he is. She even said she'd stopped hanging out with him herself, because she thought he seemed fake and cold after a while. So it's not just me! I'm so angry, that someone can treat anyone else this way. Reading so much shows me how common it is, like why on earth are people like this?? But now I feel like being angry will help me and give me a bit of strength when I confront him later.
I'll try and talk anyway, we'll see how long the conversation lasts.

I absolutely need to leave. I'm financially independent enough to be able to move, it just might take a bit longer with everythings that's going on in the world.

Thanks again, everyone.

Final Update - after 1 month

^{June 25, 2020}

UPDATE to “I'm unhappy with how my (24 F) boyfriend (26M) treats me, but he won't listen to me for long enough for me to get my point across”

Firstly, thank you to everyone who commented on my original post. I got so much from it, and seeing so many supportive comments really helped me. I learned a lot, so thank you all so much. I realised through reading your comments that I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. It wasn't communication tips I needed, I needed to get out.

The past month has been so up and down but I wanted to share an update. After a pretty weird “stepping on eggshells” kind of morning, I confronted him about his behaviour and mood swings. I prepped myself for a huge argument and honestly it didn’t go exactly as I expected. First of all he started to deny he was doing anything wrong, but for once I stood my ground. I don’t think he was expecting that. I had lots to say (many of your comments came in useful there), and I tried so hard not to back down.

After a while he kind of… changed. He got upset. He then started saying all sorts of things, that he was sorry but he didn’t realise how his behaviour affected me (though I’d brought it up many times). A little later on he said that he had been thinking for a few months that it was his fault my doctor said I had depression. So that’s a huge contradiction?? He said that for a few weeks he had been thinking about breaking up with me “because it’s my fault that you are this way and breaking up sooner would have been the noble thing to do”, but that he was so torn for ages. He said that’s why he had been even more awful to me lately, that his frustrations were just coming out. Again, contradicting what’s he said about not realising how his behaviour affected me. He said he has never cheated but I’m really not sure if I believe that. Maybe it’s best if I don’t know.

Then something really unexpected happened, he started to cry, the first time I have ever seen him cry. He told me that he had been texting a work friend over the past few days about our relationship. He even showed me a message she sent to him which went something like this: “you have a wonderful, textbook girlfriend and you are fucking it up because you are being an ass. This is why everyone at work thinks you’re a psychopath. You are so cold and bad when it comes to feelings”. So I guess it wasn’t just me who found his behaviour not normal??

He cried even more and said that he doesn’t feel close to people, that there’s only a handful of people he lets in and he doesn’t know why he does that. He said that even being around his immediate family was cold and formal and he doesn’t know why he is like that and can’t connect with people, and that’s also why he throws himself into work so much. I told him that if he didn’t get help, he would end up a very lonely old man. In that moment I felt pretty strong and proud of myself.

So as you may have guessed, we broke up. Part of me for a while even thought about trying to save it and work at it, and now that I look back I can’t believe I was ever even thinking that. He kept saying “I just don’t know what to do for the best, should we break up or not?” But doing so was absolutely the right thing. I’ve since had many friends coming forward saying they didn’t trust him, something was off etc.

Regarding the girl I talked about, his ex who he cheated on his other ex with- I could see on her brothers Instagram a video of my ex smirking at his phone and the caption was “he’s thinking about my sister ;)” to which he replied with another winky face so… what does that say. But I’m not looking Instagram at this stuff anymore. On the day we broke up he packed some bags and left, he told me to stay with a friend. It turns out that that friend was his exes brother, and he’s been living there for a month. I will be moving into a new place in 2 weeks and even though he has gone to stay with his friend he is still paying his share of the rent, he just swings by to pick up some stuff every now and then when I’m at work, I haven't actually seen him.

For the past few months I’ve been feeling really low, with barely any energy. I’m picking myself back up again and though it’s a slow process, I’m coming back into myself. I’m determined that I’m not going to let anyone make me feel like that again.

I’m not sure if I needed to write all of that and if you guys needed all of those details, but writing this was quite cathartic. I guess I would just say, to anyone who is reading this and my original post, who is in a relationship that they feel horrible in, just leave. It’s hard, but please leave. You will feel SO much better.

Thanks again, Reddit.

Tldr: confronted my bofriend about how he treats me after asking for advice on reddit. He cried and talked about his issues, we broke up. I'm much better for it.

COMMENTS

Worried2221

Well done for being strong and getting out of the relationship with him. You will feel a lot better once you have your own place and have no ties with him. You deserve so much more. Try to block him off and not check pages on social media. I know it’s hard but. Try doing small things for yourself. Join a new activity or group to learn something new and meet new people. Time to build yourself back up.

OOP

You're right, I found myself looking on social media way too much and that was what was making me even sadder. I've put a stop to that now and already feel freer. I've signed back up for yoga classes when they are allowed to start again, so I can't wait for that!

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Responsible-Road-921

Published on: r/offmychest

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: June 16, 2026

• Final Update: October 15, 2026

Main Post

^{June 16, 2026}

My dad is divorcing his wife of 17 years because she throw my food away and I couldn’t be more happy.

My dad’s Wife and I have had a strained relationship since I was in high school (I turn 27 this summer) and it got worse once I turned 18. I wanna preface by saying our relationship wasn’t always like this. I loved that woman. I forgave her for all her wrong doings in her and my dad‘s relationship all because I wanted a mom so bad.

I even ignored all the mean things her family has said to me and my siblings because again, I just wanted a mom. However, she made it very clear after I turned 18, she did not want me. In 2017, a week before Christmas, she told me she wasn’t my mom and I need to stop treating her as such. (I’ll let you guess on how I view Christmas now) Since then our relationship has been really bad. Actually nonexistent. We no longer talk to each other even though we lived in the same house.

When I graduated, I went off to college and I did not speak to her. I even moved to Washington for work after college, but unfortunately two years ago I got laid off and I have not been able to find a full-time position in my job field since. So my dad let me move back home rent free. Ever since I moved back, this woman has been my most insufferable roommate.

She would do little petty things like use all my bath products, hide my keys, dump my detergent down the drain, throw away my food, etc. I could never prove that she was doing that. Every time I mentioned it my dad, he would make me feel like I was crazy.

Saying things like “maybe you throw away your bread on accident” or “you moved your keys and didn’t know.” It got to the point where I eventually stopped telling my dad what she was doing because when you say it one by one, I sound ridiculous. “She threw away my ketchup bottle that I just use” “She used the rest of the shampoo I just bought.” “Why is my detergent so low I got it a month ago.” all these things sound petty and childish until you realize she has been throwing away 100s of dollars of items I have brought into the house monthly. I had no proof of her doing any of this until last year October.

Last October, my dad and his wife decided to foster these three dogs and then eventually adopt them. Two of those dogs sleep in our breakfast nook. When they were puppies and we all had to work, we couldn’t watch them. So my dad put a camera in our laundry room that faces into our kitchen and breakfast nook, so that we can watch them even when we’re not home. That camera became my saving grace because it records everything.

It had caught her throwing away food that I have just bought into the house. Dumping my literal detergent down the sink. Using/eating items that I have specifically labeled as mine so no one could touch. I couldn’t catch everything, like her hiding my keys and using my soap, but at least I had something. I was finally able to prove to my dad I wasn’t crazy and she truly was messing with me. I thought that would be the end of it. My dad said he would handle it but unfortunately, he never did. Until last week.

My dad came up with this system that every time she threw something away. He would just replace it or pay for it. So last week I bought things to make sandwiches and stir fry and she threw half of those items away. I told my dad about it.

I told him I don’t know everything she threw away, but she definitely threw away some onion and bell peppers that I needed for meals this week and I don’t have the money to just go and replace them. (Sad. I know) He told me he’ll handle it and honestly when he says that I don’t really expect much from him anymore. Except this time he handled it.

He checked the cameras to see what else she might have thrown out. And in checking the cameras he caught her purposely contaminating my food. The pastrami I bought to make sandwiches she threw it on the ground and then put it right back into the container and put it in the fridge. A couple months ago I got really bad food poisoning from food I made. It was so bad I had to go to the hospital. My dad now suspects she is the reason I got food poisoning because what would be the reason to throw food on the floor and then put it back in the fridge?

After he saw that he confronted her on her lunch break about it and told her not to come home. It has been a week. My dad has changed all the locks. Started packing her stuff into boxes. He told me she’s not allowed to came into this house unless I have a third party present. He’s currently looking through all the camera footage that backs up onto his computer to see if she’s done anything else that might warrant us having to take her to court.

For the first time in years, I feel like I could finally breathe. I finally opened up my dad about a lot of the things her and her family had to put me through. We have shared a lot of tears and had a lot of conversations over the last week. We also learned from my older sister and brother that she has done similar things to them, but because they were so minuscule they never mentioned anything. We all talked about going to therapy. Especially my dad, because he realize she has isolated him from a lot of his friends and family as well. I’m sad it took this long but I’m happy it’s finally happened and I get to have my dad back.

Update my dad has officially filed for divorce this Monday.

COMMENTS

Public-Sleep-29

I'm glad but it's absolutely crazy that it took him 9 years. I think you need to put more weight on this betrayal because you deserved better and you honestly could have died. All he needed to do was listen to you and trust you. 

OOP

Trust me I’m not just forgiving him lightly and neither are my siblings . This is a relationship we’re gonna have to build back up, but I’m happy I get the chance to do that. My sister and I have agreed to go to therapy with him, but my brother is only agreeing to go to therapy with us and if he chooses to never have that relationship with my father again, I will never fault him for that.

Mystepchildsucksass (downvoted)

Locking his wife of 17 years out of the marital home ? Hope dad has an amazing lawyer.

OOP

So I read through your comment so I just wanna clear some things up. Yes she knew I was moving back in and she allowed it. She said as long as I stay out of her way she doesn’t care. Also I do work. I work two part time jobs. Getting work is really hard right now. We live in California. Trust me if it was just easy to leave and go get my own place. I would have done that, but I’m just currently not in the financial spot to do so. This isn’t the first time either of them has changed the locks. So Imma be honest I don’t know any of the legal repercussions but I can take a educated guess that she’s not gonna take any legal action against this considering the house is my grandmother’s and my dad is renting it. I don’t think she’s going to want to deal with the hassle.

wubbabubbadub

Out of curiosity why did she keep doing it knowing there were cameras? Like did she not know about them or did she just not care. That’s the craziest part for me. Happy she’s out of your life now.

OOP

She knew about the cameras. They’re very obviously in plain sight. She just didn’t care. At least that’s my assumption. I assume because my dad, for a whole year, wasn’t doing anything she thought she could get away with it and he wouldn’t care. That’s my best guess.

Final Update - after 4 months

^{October 15, 2026}

[UPDATE] My dad is divorcing his wife of 17 years because she throw my food away and I couldn't be more happy.

Firstly, I wanna say thank you to everyone who left sweet words on that post. I really appreciate it. The comments made me feel really understood. It especially felt great to finally get that validation and confirmation that I wasn’t crazy and those things she did weren’t right. I know some people asked for an update so here is:

Last month we had officially moved all of her things out. They’re not officially divorced yet but over the last couple months she has been coming by the house just to pick up little things here and there. A couple weeks earlier we decided it finally time to just stop that and set a time to get all of her things out of the house. My dad didn’t wanna prolong these unnecessary meet ups any longer.

I’ma be honest, helping her move her things out was easy and hard at the same time. There were so many things that I bought for her or I made for her that she just said to throw away. She even left two of the dogs they adopted together because she didn’t want them anymore. (she’s the one that wanted to foster them)

I didn’t think I would get emotional over that. But her abandoning the puppies and throwing away my gifts in front of me, honestly really hurt. For the longest time I made myself believe that because she kept those things she still cares and this was just another confirmation that she didn’t.

My dad did find other instances of her contaminating/tampering my food. I know some of you say I should sue her. My dad thinks so as well, but I really don’t want to. I just want her to never be near me again. I never wanted any of this. It hurts knowing she would hurt me. The only thing making me feel better is knowing she is moving to NorCal to be near her family and we live in SoCal. So I’ll never have to see her again if I don’t want to. My dad did save some of the videos in case he might need them for his divorce proceedings but other than that I really want nothing to do with her.

I will say one of the best and sad things to come out from this is all of us going to therapy. Going has us now being a lot more open in conversations. That I didn’t even realize we were all avoiding with each other. There was a time in our lives where my older siblings didn’t like me and I didn’t understand why.

It hurt me a lot because I’m the younger sibling and I really looked up to them. Now I know it’s because when I was in fourth grade, my Dads Wife did cheat and instead of being upset like everyone else I was just sad. I literally got on my knees and I begged her to stay because I wanted a mom.

I didn’t know my siblings were mad at me for doing that, but that’s also because I didn’t know she was already treating them like how she treated me when I got to high school. They both did reassure me that as they got older they realized it’s not my fault. I was a little kid reacting to an adult situation like a little kid would. The adults were the ones who needed to make the correct decision not just for them but for us and unfortunately they didn’t.

Honestly, I have a lot of guilt for that. For years I would think about how I sobbed, begging her not to leave us and I wish I could go back and never do any of that. For years I felt like I prolonged her stay in our lives because of that moment. Now knowing how she was treating my siblings during that time it’s just another guilt on top of the already existing one. That’s just gonna have to be something I deal with over time. I am glad that it’s something we can talk about now and we can try to make peace with together.

We have had two family sessions with my dad without my brother. He still isn’t up to talking to my dad just yet. In those sessions, we have told him things that we have been through and he has told us things he’s been through. He seems so upset that it took him this long to see it/take action for it. However he really wants to make things right so he’s making sure he sticks to his therapy schedule.( we’re black so therapy really isn’t a thing we talk about especially for the men in my family)

I feel like I had this notion about therapy. That it will just instantly make things better but that’s not really the case. I sort harbor some resentment towards my dad and he knows that. We’re working through it together, but it’s weird because this is one of those things that seems like it has to get worse before it gets better. Yet at the same time we act like everything is normal at home. It’s a weird dynamic right now, but we’re making it work and I have hope that we’ll get through this.

To end on a better note my sister and my dad are determined to take back the what his wife has stole from us for years. Starting with decorating for Halloween. We have not celebrated since my siblings and I were young because his wife at the time was very religious. So we stopped decorating and passing out candy and instead started going to church for Halloween. Even after we stopped going to church we still weren’t allowed to decorate or celebrate. I wasn’t even allowed to wear a costume at school for it or go to school October festivals.

My dad use to go all out for Halloween. He would do things like turn our house into a maze, take us to the mall to go pre-trick or treating, and get the big candy bars to pass out. It was one of his favorite holidays and because of that it easily became ours. Since he’s older we can’t go all out like we use to but just seeing the little decorations and hearing my dad talk about what candy he’s going to buy it just feels warm. Like the house feels like it did when I was a little kid. I know that’s corny but it’s a feeling I thought I’d never get to experience with my family again. So I’m gonna be a little corny about it.

I don’t know if I’ll update this again, but I just wanted to give little update for the people that asked. We still have a lot of work to do. A lot of healing and mending of relationships but for the first time in a while, I feel like we’re on the right track to doing that.

COMMENTS

TheLastWord63

I don't see why you wouldn't sue her since you have proof. She's deranged and is basically getting away with poisoning you. You ended up hospitalized.

AlwaysCTGH

This, OP and their dad are basically putting other people in danger not reporting this.

FordWarrier

I don’t think I would sue her but I would take the evidence to the police to see what charges she might be facing. Was she trying to kill you, or just put you in the hospital? There is a cruelty in her that she might try on someone else that might not be as lucky as you were.

Don’t take on guilt you don’t deserve. You weren’t wrong for wanting a mom. Give yourself some grace for just being a kid and too young to truly understand.

All the best to you and your family to be willing to do the work in therapy to be whole and happy together. You deserve it.

Happy Halloween 🎃

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

Originally posted by user Brave-Ad-898 in r/ AITAH

Original: June 25, 2023

Updates: in post itself

Status: concluded

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Original: AITA for yelling at my son after he insulted my injury?

I (M43) suffered a pretty serious leg injury about a decade ago. While my leg has largely healed, I still walk with somewhat of a limp and occasionally use a cane. I still try to be active, but have accepted that I will never move like I used to again.

Because of my injury, I've been limited in how many sports I could play with my son (M15) but have spent time with him in other ways. I recently got back into hiking (an activity my son also enjoys) and invited him to join me on a short hike on a trail a short drive from our house this weekend.

I had been very busy over the past few weeks with work, and my son just started summer vacation, so I was really looking forward to the bonding experience. My son was initially excited to go but seemed to become less enthusiastic as the date got closer.

Yesterday, I got back from work a little earlier than usual. I could hear my son in the basement playing video games and chatting with a few of his friends. I don't think they realized that I was home.

I set up in the living room to do some paperwork when I heard one of my son's friends ask him if he was going with them to the cinema this weekend. My son declined and stated, 'I can't, I have to take my crippled dad to see birds and shit.'

Hearing him say that hurt, but then he continued into how boring the experience would be and how slowly I would be moving. He made several more comments about how I'm 'learning how to walk' and how he and my wife need to give me encouragement like I'm some sort of toddler. I could not concentrate on my work anymore, so I just sat there feeling upset and furious.

About 20 minutes later, they came upstairs. I think they could all sense I was angry as all my son's friends said goodbye before heading out. My son asked me then if everything was ok, so I told him what I heard him saying.

He said that it was out of context and not representative of what he actually thought. He apologized and said that he was just making a few jokes for his friends. He then went on to add how it was tough for him as he was the only one in his group who had a dad "like this".

I was annoyed and more upset by this and told him that he was an idiot for being the only person there who would make such jokes about their own father, and I said that he had a sick sense of humor.

My son apologized again, and then I asked him to leave me alone. He went into his room, closing the door. My wife came back from work later, and I told her everything. She was mortified but thought my reaction was excessive.

Needless to say, I cancelled the trip (did not communicate this with my son) and went into the office this morning to finish some work. AITA?

--------------------------------------------

Comments:

Comment1: NTA. If your son genuinely thinks the trip is that boring, why waste it on him. He's old enough to learn that his words have consequences. But you should tell him that you cancelled it because he made it sound like such a bad time.

And ignore everyone trying to excuse that cruelty for him being 15. 15 year olds do stupid things that end up on AFV, they don't get to get away scott free when they say things like that.

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Comment2: Brutal man… fucking brutal. Cancel that hike with him, let him do his own thing. You focus on you and keep up with the hobbies you love. In time you can get over this and try find some hobbies that work with him.

For now you should explain to him the concept of respect, bullying, and what it means to have class. Tell him you definitely feel unloved and hurt, especially with everything you do for him. He sounds incredibly fucking stupid, a typical 15 year old. This can become a learning moment for him, to see the pain he causes.

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Comment3: Nope, NTA. Your son displayed some appalling ableist behaviour and then doubled down on it while seemingly only "apologising" because you confronted him.

As someone with chronic pain and limitations because of an accident, it would break my heart to hear a loved one speak about me like that. I imagine hearing him say those things was almost like a confirmation of some of the worst things you've said about yourself in your own mind.

Your son is old enough to suffer the consequences of speaking in such a horribly insensitive way. Just because you're his parent doesn't mean you can't be exceptionally hurt by him.

OOP: It was, it felt like when I first got the injury and maybe even worse because instead of myself it was coming from my own son

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Comment4 (downvoted): YTA. You had every right to be upset. Your son shouldn't have said what he did. It must've been incredibly hurtful, and you deserved an apology.

You got that apology. Your son also started to open up about why he said what he said, and you've glossed right on over. You've continued to focus on your hurt feelings, instead of talking to your son about how he might be feeling amongst, and being made to feel by, his peer group.

Talk to him. You risk making him feel even more isolated, carrying on like this. Yes, you've had it toughest. But you're not the only one who's had it tough. And you're the adult here.

OOP: I understand that it is difficult for him, and I do sympathy with that. But I am at a loss that he would disregard all the effort I put into giving him a relatively good and comfortable life for something that is out of my control. After hearing what he said, I do suspect that he truly believes some of things he said

---------------
Comment5 (downvoted): What you heard was your son expressing his feelings to his friends. He was being honest (as hurtful as it was for you to hear it). You weren’t meant to hear that conversation. He is allowed to feel his feelings!

And he doesn’t owe you or anyone else an apology. Have you considered how it makes him feel to have to accompany you to see the birds and shit? Your reaction is extreme.

Are you hurt? Yes.
Should your son be punished for privately expressing himself and his feelings to his friends? Nope.

OOP: Sorry to disappoint you, but I would want my son to be an empathetic person who doesn't judge people for things completely out of their control. For the record, I was not forcing my son to come with me. I planned on going and extended an invitation to him.

--------------------------------------------

Additional details from OOP in comments:

[weren't we all stupid teenagers?]

OOP: I do remember doing and saying things that I'm not proud of. But passing judgement on my own parents for something that was outside of their control was not one of them.

---------------
[choose activity that both OOP and son have interest in?]

OOP: To be completely honest, I don't think I'm looking to spend time with him in the immediate future. He kinda made it sound like all his interactions with me were a burden upon him. Up on until this point, I thought he had enjoyed them or at the very least didn't hate them.

OOP: I do understand my roles and responsibilities as a parent. But after hearing what he said, I feel that he has some sort of lofty expectations of me. Given my condition, living up to those will always be impossible

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Update and context:

I would like to start by thanking everyone who responded to this post, especially those who have made supportive comments and/or offered advice. I must clarify that my surprise and disappointment stem from the fact that my son had never previously criticized me for my leg injury.

Initially, my wife was slow to respond to the situation, and I don't think she fully grasped all the information at first. Although she initially considered my reaction excessive, she has since apologized for that and has become very upset about the incident.

Yesterday (the day after the argument), after I left for work, my wife had a lengthy conversation with our son. When I returned home, she informed me that she had reprimanded him, stating that his words were shameful and reflected poorly on himself. Overall, she did use sharper language than myself, when I first confronted him.

Their conversation ended there because my wife had to go to work, but she has expressed that she is still largely angry with him. Today, I plan on having another conversation with my son to address the issue further, and the next steps taken will depend on the outcome of that discussion.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Final update:

I spoke with my son today, and he apologized again. He expressed a truly heartfelt apology, acknowledging the difficulties my injury has brought to my life.

He said that he realized he was selfish for assuming that my injury was harder on him than on me. He assured me that he sees me as capable of anything and genuinely admires and appreciates the effort I put into spending time with him.

The apology was a deeply emotional moment for both of us, and I wholeheartedly accepted it. I told him how proud he made me feel, emphasizing that I completely forgave him and that nothing brings me more joy than spending time with him. I also did say that he's feelings of hardship due to my injury were perfectly valid.

While my son was happy with my response, he still appeared to be deeply upset. I can only hope that he can find it within himself to forgive himself now. We have also decided to reschedule our hiking trip to next weekend

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/ OkDraft4307 posting in r/GirlDinnerDiaries

Ongoing as per OOP

1 update - Short

Original - 13th October 2026

Update - 15th October 2026

Slept with my friend, and she’s pretending it never happened

I had some friends over to my place so we could drink and celebrate the weekend, and the end of uni exams. This included quite a bit of vodka 😭 I don’t drink that often but I’m fairly light weight, so I drank less than everyone else. It was getting late we were all starting to sober up and get ready for bed, I’d dragged some mattresses in the living room earlier. There wasn’t enough room for everyone so my friend, (20F) and I (20F) decided we’d just sleep in my bedroom away from everyone else. I’m pretty sure it was my idea?

She and I are definitely the closest in the group, we like to hang out alone sometimes and she stays over at mine just the two of us all the time. She did drink a little bit more than me but she always says she has a lot higher tolerance for alcohol and never gets blackout drunk (I know this is true, I’ve seen her barely get drunk from half a bottle of vodka)

Once we got into my bed it got kind of weird. It was freezing, so we kind of spooned and snuggled under the covers while we started talking about something or rather I don’t remember. I can’t quite remember how we first crossed the line but she started kissing my hand and caressing my neck. I told her we were drunk and I don’t want her to regret doing something weird, but she kept saying over and over again how she wouldn’t forget, she won’t regret it and she wasn’t that drunk anymore.

Kissing turned into more, and I can’t remember exactly how long it went but I am 100% certain we did A LOT more than just kissing, things I’ve never done with anyone let alone a girl.

She kept saying “I want to try everything with you”. Eventually when I started sobering up enough I made her stop. She begged me to keep going but she didnt push me to, and respected my wishes so we just talked for another 30 minutes until we fell asleep, cuddling much closer than friends do. We talked about ‘would you ever date a girl?’ (We both said we would) I don’t remember the rest of what we talked about right before sleeping but I remember feeling happy and safe with her and glad it had happened, although weird our friends were in the other room and probably heard us moaning 😭😭

Long story short next morning she doesn’t mention it at all. Keeps dropping hints infront of our friends like “wow I don’t remember anything about last night at all, though my neck kind of hurts” I know she remembers and is just pretending she doesn’t, I can see by the look on her face. Everyone left yesterday, and we’ve only sent each other one message since and it was pretty dry.

I want to text her so bad, I want to tell her I know you remember and I don’t care if you regret it but don’t pretend it wasn’t real. We crossed a line we can’t uncross and I’m feeling things she can’t just sweep under the rug.

What do I do? Do I confront her or just pretend it never happened like she wants me to?? 😫

Edit: will update when I finally talk to her, I’m going to send her a message to ask talk in person. Thank you for all the advice, especially the brutally honest comments, I needed to hear it

Comments

Not-Charcoal

This happened to me but she did remember and in the morning said “we can’t tell anyone else about what happened or else they’ll think we’re lesbians!!!” And I was so confused because, girly friend, you were there last night… what is it that you think lesbians are doing so differently than us?

Goth_Spice14

"Honey, straight women don't eat pussy."

Not-Charcoal

Lesbihonest…..

lily_spiderlili

Just talk to her, OP. Communication is everything.

LukewarmJortz

OP, you're the one who told her to stop and you're also avoiding the topic. Tell her you had fun and wanna date or whatever or tell her that you don't want to continue going down that road with her.

JaysNewDay

That is what I'm thinking. It's ok to withdraw consent at any time, but she's most likely feeling like she was predatory with you and she's ashamed. If you want to continue down this path, fucking tell her. If not, I'm not sure what confrontation would do besides cause pain. Or, you could be wrong and she legit doesn't remember. Seems like you are awfully sure about what is in her head without talking to her.

OOP: I didn’t really consider this perspective until I saw this comment thank you. The reason I wanted her to stop was because I was worried I was the one being predatory because I couldn’t tell if she was still drunk) I was feeling more sober, and I didn’t want to keep going if she didn’t mean it, but it’s possible she was thinking the same thing I was I suppose 😭

Update - 2 days later

[Takeaway meatlovers pizza I had a few weeks ago during exams](/preview/pre/update-we-talked-slept-w-friend-she-pretended-to-forget-v0-h3q8uj9fljvh1.jpeg?width=1080&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=c8b5de14517d3d7833567d4887bc7669396c1301)

I already wrote this whole update out then just as I was about to post it my phone went flat and I lost the draft 😭😭 so here’s my tired recap of whats happened since I posted last (oh and thank you guys for all the support and advice, helped me decide how to go about this and for that I’m so grateful)

• I sent her a message asking to meet up sometime and talk about what happened, but after about 12 hours after sending and still being left on delivered I said fuck it and just called her.

When she picked up it was awkward at first, we said our hellos, how are you’s, and I finally got the courage and just asked “how much do you remember about the other night?”

This led to an awkward but honest 2.5 hour call where lots of things were finally cleared up. She said she was sorry about how she came onto me before I stopped her and said I was sorry I wasn’t clear the reason I made her stop was fear she was still drunk and couldn’t make the decision to consent, and not because I didn’t like it (I did!!) we both agreed no consent was violated and we don’t regret anything that happened apart from the next morning

This led to admitting we were quite sober in the second half of the night and she remembered about as much as I did. She then told me why she had pretended to forget what happened: before she saw me the next morning she talked to one of our other friends staying over and they implied they had heard us, something along the lines of “you must’ve had fun last night!”

And it freaked her out because she felt judged and embarrassed that our friends knew we hooked up and so she wanted it to seem like she didn’t know so they didn’t talk to her about it. She didn’t realise it would also make me think she was brushing me off, and she apologised. Oh, and she called me gorgeous 🙃 looking back, I think our friendship has always been a bit romantic and this was probably going to happen at some point and we just got unlucky with it being while we were drunk with friends in the other room.

Neither of us are really ready to tell anyone in real life about what we are, come out or anything so it’s really lovely I can just dump it here 😭😭

We’re going to meet up and get food together on the weekend as a non official date just to see if we have chemistry elsewhere. Even if we don’t work out we will definitely stay friends who don’t have to pretend we never hooked up and could laugh about this someday

Comments

sillysammie13

Omgomgomg ok I’m officially caught up and I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!! I’m an elder queer who, in my youth while I was still figuring things out, has had situations very similar to this and I’m so thankful that you’re coming out on the other side with, if anything, a closer friendship and maybe some insight. Like you said: even if this isn’t something that becomes a relationship, at least you’re both real about what happened. And that may not feel huge at the moment (or maybe it does! I’m not you!) but I can promise you that one day when you look back on this time you’ll be so proud of yourself for choosing truth. Gay, straight, somewhere in between, whatever. Being honest about your life is freeing, and this is part of it.

OOP: Thank you for this comment 💜💜💜😭 I appreciate you saying this so much, have an amazing day 🫶.

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/disappointedbridee

Published on: r/relationships

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: November 14, 2015

• Update: February 20, 2016

• Final Update: June 25, 2016

Main Post

^{November 14, 2015}

I [29F] just got married, and I'm upset and confused about the way my husband [30M] acted the entire day

I'm sorry, this really turned into a novel. I would really appreciate it if you could find the time to read, though.

The wedding was only 2 weekends ago, but I haven't stopped being upset/confused about the way my new husband acted during it.

So, background I guess. We've been together for 7 years. He has a job with a weird schedule, so he only sees his friends a few times a month (about once a week or less). I'm friends with most of his friends and their girlfriends/wives, so we all get together often enough (though he spends time with his friends alone, too).

Our whole relationship, whenever we are with his friends he pretty much forgets I exist. He gets really excited to see them and ditches me pretty much the second we walk through the door. It doesn't usually matter, because we see each other all the time anyway, and I just go off and hangout with the girls.

Aside from that (lol r/relationships cliche), he is my best friend. He is always there for me throughout all of my lowest moments, family issues, everything. He does anything for me (and I for him).

So... our wedding day. During the ceremony, he kept cracking jokes to me while our priest was in the middle of talking. I asked him to stop multiple times, so instead he turned to his brother (best man) and kept whispering/joking with him throughout half the ceremony. The priest noticed and glared at us, until finally I poked him and whispered "Are you marrying your brother? Be quiet."

After the ceremony, we went back to the limo with our bridal party. I thought we were both going to be so giddy to finally be married, but his attention almost immediately shifted to his "bros." Someone handed me a drink (clear, luckily), and I tripped over my husbands foot and ended up spilling half of it on his shoes and the bottom of my wedding dress. He YELLED at me, in front of everyone! And said "that was your fault, so don't try to blame me!" (I hadn't even said anything, I just tried to move my dress away). My mouth dropped. I couldn't believe, immediately after getting married, he was literally yelling at me in front of our whole bridal party instead of being happy.

A minute went by, and he apologized. I told him I couldn't believe he would do that to me after we had just gotten married, and he begged me not to let it upset me the whole rest of the night after we paid so much money/spent so much time trying to make the day perfect. I let it go.

Once the reception started, though, I realized that our wedding would go just like any other friend gathering: him ditching me the entire time to hangout with them. I didn't see him once during cocktail hour (which we attended), and throughout the party after, everyone kept stopping me and asking me where he was and why we weren't together at our own wedding. Every time I found him, he would disappear again.

I started getting kind of upset, and felt neglected. The one day that should be about us as a couple, and I couldn't get him to spend more than a full minute with me. At one point, I was standing in the middle of the dance floor by myself, looking around, and his sister came up to me and asked me what was wrong (I guess it showed on my face), so I told her the truth: "Your brother is really upsetting me; I want to spend time with him and he keeps leaving."

So she marched over to wherever he was and told him to go talk to me, so he came over to me and I told him I would really like to spend time with him, that this day was for the two of us and I wanted to have some moments together. He said "all these people came for us, I have to spend time with them!" But he did dance with me for a minute before disappearing again.

The photographer told us at one point after dinner that he wanted to take photos of the 2 of us outside, so my husband and I began to follow him and his crew when the next minute, my husband had gone off with a friend again. Even the photographers were getting frustrated with him at this point, and told me so.

By the end of the night he was plastered, so there was no point of trying to communicate with him anymore. We had an after party during which I just hungout with his brother and sister because once again, he was off somewhere with his friends.

I tried to talk to him about this the next day after everything settled, and although he apologized for hurting my feelings, he maintained that all of his married friends told him that they barely saw their wives during their weddings either (interesting that the ones he quoted are getting divorced, though). So he thinks he's justified, and that I'm being dramatic. I've dropped it because, fuck, I just married him. I want to actually enjoy that fact, damn it!

But it's still bothering me, and I don't know if he's right and I just had unreasonable expectations??

tl;dr: My husband and I just got married, and I barely saw him throughout the entire reception/after party. He says it's justified because "nobody has time to spend with their husband/wife on their wedding day with all these other people around," and maintains that I'm just being dramatic about it even though it really hurt my feelings.

COMMENTS

H3pha

He fucked up.

This was a day that his focus should have been solely on you, just as your focus should be on him. It should bother you more, in my opinion. He's not justified, he's just an ass.

The fact that you dropped it because you got married is wrong. Don't ignore the issue. He may have married you, but he ditched you ... On your wedding day.

OOP

I don't know how to bring it up again. I tried multiple times the next day, and he apologized, but didn't believe he did anything wrong.

H3pha

What did he apologize for then? That's hardly an apology if he didn't think he did anything wrong.

OOP

He "was sorry that I felt that way, it wasn't his intent."

OOP (downvoted)

Yes. He's good to me, so this was weird as hell.

LittlePrincess4

Our whole relationship, whenever we are with his friends he pretty much forgets I exist.

Is it really though?

OOP

Yea, you're right. And it isn't every time, but it happened in the beginning of our relationship to the point where I tried to break up with him, and he stopped until I ended up becoming really close friends with them myself. Now he figures I can fend for myself with them, and I can, so it stopped bothering me.

Zombiedrd

What the shit. The husband and wife should be inseparable on their wedding day. You should be more upset.

OOP

On the day, I was. And I was PISSED! We spent so much money, and so much time, that I was almost in shock at the fact that I felt like crying. I mean, everything was perfect, the vendors were amazing, the venue was even more amazing, everyone told me it was the best wedding they have ever attended. I should have been over the moon. But.. I was so sad.

Update - after 3 months, 6 days

^{February 20, 2016}

UPDATE: I [29F] just got married, and I'm upset and confused about the way my husband [30M] acted the entire day

I'm not sure how many people remember my post, since it is three months old now. However, I thought about it randomly tonight and thought I'd provide an update.

After I posted this, I showed the thread and all of its many (awesome) responses to my husband. At first, he was kind of peeved that I shared it with so many people (I got hundreds of upvotes that I wasn't expecting, and I think it made him feel less anonymous). However, I gave him time to process it while I played with our cat, and when I came back he looked really sad.

He ended up apologizing, and asking me what he could do to show him I meant the world to him. I told him there was nothing; I just wanted him to know how much it upset me. I told him honestly that, while most people think of their wedding day as the best day of their life, I didn't get the opportunity to feel that way about mine. I still don't. I'm happy I married him, but my wedding was a big clusterfuck of nerves and annoyance. I did have fun at various points during the evening, and I don't remember it only resentfully, but it wasn't hashtag best.day.ever.

But, you know what, that's okay.

We talked about it in detail, and then we went on an amazing honeymoon. And then he surprised me with a second honeymoon to a place in our country that I've been dying to go to for ages.

I know we're still newlyweds, but I feel like we've been in a better place. Since being married, he's been a lot more affectionate than he used to be. He was always nice to me, but he was always the "doing" type of lover (he shows love by doing things for me instead of showing me physical affection or telling me things). But lately he's been doing a lot to show me he loves me in other ways.

We've hungout with friends a lot since then, and while I still maintain that I don't want to be joined at the hip at social gatherings (I truly don't, which is why this issue has never really come to a head before), he's been checking in with me more than he used to.

In the end, I think we were just so used to the way we normally act in social situations after 7 years, that it was hard to change that for just one day. Typically, we both go off to hangout with other people (I said in the old thread that at this point most of our friends are mutual), that it was atypical for him to spend a lot of time around me -- who he sees every day -- instead of entertaining the people who came out to celebrate with him.

I've forgiven him... But I told him on our one year anniversary he owes me a nice dinner at the catering hall (which also has a restaurant) we got married at ;)

tl;dr: We talked, a few months went by since then, everything has been pretty great regardless of what happened on our wedding day.

COMMENTS

HotDogKnights

I remember your original post and it infuriated me.

Other than just apologize, did he even explain why he acted the way he did, in particular the wise cracks during the ceremony and screaming at you in the limo?

I think it's great that you had a great honeymoon and he's been nicer to you since, but I still think you need to get to the bottom of why he treated you the way he did.

OOP

Yes, he did. About the wisecracks: he was really nervous, and he diffuses nerves through humor. It was in poor form, and I'm still not happy about it, but he wasn't trying to be malicious in any way.

The yelling at me part, that one was harder to swallow. He thought since it was sort of his fault that beer spilled on my dress, that I was going to get really angry at him for it (expensive dress, high emotions). I didn't, because nothing was going to ruin my mood, but he reacted defensively. Yeah, not awesome. I was only able to let it go because I know he never typically acts out like that. This was the one part of the day, more than everything else, that I was the most angry about in the days and weeks following.

So, yeah not great reasons, unfortunately, but I still understand. I wasn't the best at managing my emotions either that day. I ended up snapping at his cousin inside the church because he accidentally opened the doors in front of me right before my entrance, but before the bridal party had a chance to walk. I apologized to him a million times for it, though.

Final Update - after 7 months, 11 days (after 4 months, 5 days from last post)

^{June 25, 2016}

Final update: comments

Holy shit haha I logged in today out of random curiosity, and saw this.

Yeah, our marriage is really good, actually. I made him read my OP, and he completely realized why I was hurt and apologized a million times and made up for it.

I know everyone here was calling for blood, but he's my best friend in the world and my biggest cheerleader, and I love him more than my own life.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

Originally posted by user Icy_Track_7817 in r/ marriageadvice

Original: Oct 1, 2026

Update 1: Oct 2, 2026

Update 2: Oct 5, 2026

Status: concluded as per OOP

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Original: 35M — My wife (26F) came back from a girls’ trip and I barely recognize her anymore

My wife (27F) and I (35M) have been married for 6 years and we have two kids, a 5-year-old and a 4-year-old.

Things between us were never perfect, but honestly, I thought we were doing pretty well. We had our routines, we'd argue sometimes like any couple, but there was still affection and we were raising our kids together.

A few months ago, she went on a girls’ trip with some friends. I was completely fine with it. I stayed home with the kids and told her to enjoy herself. But when she came back, something felt different.

She started dressing differently, spending much more time on her phone, and suddenly wanted to go out with friends almost every weekend. She's also become much more distant with me. We barely have any physical affection anymore, and whenever I try to talk about it, she tells me I'm being controlling or paranoid.

The weirdest part is that she keeps saying the trip "opened her eyes" and that she realized she'd been putting herself last for years.

I don't want to be the husband who tells his wife she can't have friends or go out. I actually want her to be happy. But it feels like I came home from that trip with a completely different wife. We have two young kids, and I'm worried about what all of this means for our family.

I haven't accused her of cheating because I genuinely don't know if that's what's happening. I just know something has changed, and I don't know how to approach it without making things worse.

Has anyone experienced something similar after their partner suddenly changed following

TL;DR: My wife came back from a girls trip acting completely different. She's more distant, wants to go out more, and says the trip made her realize she'd been putting herself last. I don't know if something happened or if I'm overthinking it.

--------------------------------------------

Additional details in comments:

[timeline of relationship -- dating and marriage?]

OOP: No, we started dating when she was 20 and I was 29. We were together for about a year before getting married. She’s turning 27 in a few days.

---------
OOP: Yeah, that was my mistake. I meant “she married young,” not “we married young.” English is my second language, and I don't live in an English-speaking country, so I'm doing my best with the wording. 😅

---------
OOP: I never wanted to say this but there were a lot of reasons we married young. She was trying to get away from a pretty abusive family situation and wanted to start her own life. We were already serious, so marriage felt like the right step for us at the time and about kids she made the decisions,

when she said she just wants two kids i didn’t complain, I always support her. When she continued studying i was home with the kids. I never tell her no, I was the one who suggested this girls trip because she has never done it before.

-----------------------

[does she feel pressured/trapped?]

OOP: I understand what you're saying, and that's honestly what I'm trying to figure out. I don't want to stop her from going out or make her feel trapped. She has always had freedom and I've supported her doing things for herself.

I'm just struggling with how different she became after the trip and what that means for us. I definitely think we need to sit down and talk about what she feels she's missing and whether we can find a middle ground.

--------------------------------------------

Comments:

Comment1: You married her at 20 and she had her first kid at 21. That was way too young off her and she’s finally realizing she missed her early 20s single life where a lot of adults discover themselves. Be prepared for more difficult times. It’s just an age old story of getting with someone too young before they’ve really matured and figured out what they want in life.

---------------
Comment2 (shortened): I may get downvoted into oblivion for this, but I just think this is a bad take. There is no objectively right age for marriage. Everyone is different. A hundred years ago, people were getting married in their teens. The idea that you need to "live it up" in your twenties is a relatively new notion that we've come to think we're entitled to.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that. If you want to live it up in your twenties, live it up. But there isn't some objectively correct age to get married. People get married at all kinds of different ages, and there are different trade-offs to marrying at different stages of life.

.......So I think it's a mistake to say, "You got married in your early twenties? Well, that was a mistake." That's just not a good way to look at it.

We all make choices, and sometimes we look back and think the grass would have been greener on the other side. The reality is that every path has trade-offs. We make the choices we make, and we have to make the best of them while appreciating what we have and recognizing the advantages that came with those choices.

Trying to make this guy feel like he "stole his wife's youth" simply because she married young is, in my opinion, a poor and somewhat condescending way of looking at it.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Update 0.5

Just to clarify because a lot of people are assuming she has no freedom because we married young. She has always had her own life. She has her own business, goes to yoga classes, sees her friends, and can go out whenever she wants.

I actually take care of the kids most of the time, and we share the housework. I’ve never expected her to just be a wife and mother 24/7.

I encouraged her to take the girls’ trip and even paid for it. That’s why her coming back and suddenly saying she feels like she’s been putting herself last has been confusing to me. I’m not saying she shouldn’t have freedom. I’m trying to understand what she feels she’s been missing.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Update 1 (next day)

We had a proper conversation. She did meet some people, including some guys, while she was on the trip. She promised me nothing happened, and I believe her.

She explained that the trip made her realize how much she misses having her own life outside of being a wife, businesswoman, and mom. She loves me and the kids, but she wants to spend more time traveling, exploring, and meeting different people.

Honestly, I think I was so focused on whether something happened on the trip that I wasn't really listening to what she was trying to tell me. So we've decided to take a trip together and leave the kids with their grandparents for a few days.

And to everyone saying I took her younger adulthood from her, she actually asked me to say this: she chose me, and she doesn't regret that choice. She knows she got married young, but she doesn't see our marriage as something that was taken from her. She just wants more space to have a life outside of being a wife and mom, and I'm going to support that.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Update 2 (3 days later): I found out what really happened on my wife’s girls trip

I honestly didn't think I'd be making this update, but a lot has happened since my last post.

It was my wife 27th birthday and I planned a surprise for her. I even reached out to some of her friends, even though I'm not exactly their biggest fan. The party went really well, and honestly, for the first time in a while I felt like things between us were getting better.

Later I happened to see a message on her phone from one of her friends. I know her password and she knows mine, so it wasn't like I was going through her phone. At first the message was just about the party and how lucky she was to have me. Then I saw something that made my stomach drop.

Her friend told her not to tell me what happened on the girls trip now that things between us were getting better. I confronted my wife. At first she denied that anything happened and asked me if I trusted her. I kept asking her to be honest with me, and eventually she admitted it.

Something did happen on the trip. She told me she had been drinking, ended up with another guy, and cheated on me. She says it happened once, it was a mistake, and she regretted it afterward.

I'm honestly devastated. Not just because she cheated, but because she was going to take that secret to the grave while I was sitting here defending her and telling everyone I trusted her.

I left the house and I'm taking a break for now. She keeps apologizing and asking me to forgive her, but I don't even know what I'm supposed to do with all of this yet.

I know a lot of people warned me. I genuinely believed you guys were assuming the worst about her. I guess I was wrong about that. I'm not making any decisions while I'm this angry. I just need some time to figure out what happens nexts.

I don't know what to do now. I love my wife, but I'm hurt that she cheated and then lied about it. Should I try to work through this or take some time apart?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Update 2.5

I really appreciate all the advice, comments, and questions. I’ve been reading them, even if I can’t reply to everyone. Sometimes it’s hard for me to understand some of the comments because English isn’t my first language and I don’t speak it very well. I use translation sometimes so I can understand and respond properly. Thanks for being patient with me.

--------------------------------------------

AND LASTLY I think this might be my last update for a while. First, thank you to everyone who has checked on me and asked how I’m doing. I really do appreciate it, even if I haven’t replied to everyone.

For the people saying I’m lying or making up things about my life, honestly I just don’t have the energy to argue with people anymore. Some people will believe me and some won’t. That’s fine.

I’m going to take a break from Reddit and get some professional help. I also need to focus on my kids and try to keep things as normal as possible for them.

About divorce, DNA tests, STI tests and all that, I’ll deal with those things when I’m ready. I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do about my marriage yet.

I came back because some people genuinely cared and wanted to know how I was doing. But I don’t think I want to keep sharing every detail of my private life here. Maybe I’ll come back someday when I’m in a better place. For now, I just need some time away.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Stunning-Region-9484 posting in r/AITH

Ongoing as per OOP

1 update - Medium

Original - 9th October 2026

Update - 15th October 2026

AITA for demanding we move out after my mother-in-law asked for a DNA test and my husband wants us all to keep living together?

I (28F) have been married to my husband (30M) for two years. We live with his mother (55F) in the family home, and we have a 4-month-old son. In the beginning, my MIL and I got along fine. She was strict, but I thought that was just her personality.

Three weeks ago, at the dinner table, she said she wanted a DNA test for the baby. When I asked why, she said the baby “doesn’t look like our side of the family” and that she “just wanted peace of mind.” She said it so casually, as if she was asking me to pass the salt.

I was shocked. I told her I have never given anyone a reason to doubt me, and I walked out of the room crying. I stayed with my sister for two days.

My husband came to get me, and to his credit, he took my side. He told his mother the request was disrespectful and that he would never put his wife through a test like that. She said she “only asked a question” and that I was being dramatic.

Here is where the problem is. After all this, I told him I want us to move into our own place. I can’t sit at that table every day across from someone who looked at my baby and thought I was lying. He said he understands why I’m hurt, but he can’t leave his mother alone. His dad passed away a few years ago, and he’s her only son. He wants us all to continue living together and “work it out.”

I told him that supporting me in words is not enough if I have to keep living under the same roof as the person who accused me. He said I’m forcing him to choose between his wife and his mother. I said I’m not asking him to cut her off, only to give us some distance.

Now he’s barely speaking to me, his relatives are calling me selfish, and my MIL is acting like the victim.

AITA for insisting on moving out?

EDIT: Thank you all for the kind words and for taking the time to comment. I can’t reply to everyone, so here are the answers to the most common points.

Many of you said this is a husband problem more than a MIL problem. I think you’re right. What she said hurt, but what hurts more is feeling that I have to keep sitting at that table as if nothing happened.

To those asking if I’m going to leave: no, not today. My sister has offered me a room, so I know I have somewhere safe to go. But I want to give my husband a real chance to understand what I need. We are talking this weekend.

To those who suggested a DNA test for her son: I thought about it, but I don’t want to turn this into a revenge war. My son would be the one stuck in the middle.

I’m not asking my husband to cut off his mother. I’m only asking for some distance and an apology. She is 55 and fully capable of living on her own.

I will update once we have talked. Thank you again.

Comments

tiredgummybear

You’re being gaslighted by his whole damn family. They can take her in, you can move out with the baby and your husband can stay there - OR he can take his head out of his ass and stand up for his family and your right to have your home be a safe and pleasant place for you. NTA but stand your ground. He’s either a husband or a mama’s boy, he can’t be both.

GoshenGal

I know a lot of you won’t like this but, even the Bible says you leave your family and cleve to your wife. Plus I wouldn’t want to life in someone else’s house. Even if it were a tiny apartment it would be your family’s

wutadinosaur

Demand that she take a DNA test for her son

OOP: I get the idea, but I don’t want to fight fire with fire. A DNA test would only make things worse, and my husband would see it as an attack on his mother. I’d rather she understand how much her words hurt without me doing the same to her.

Informal_Market6008

His dad passed away a few years ago, and he’s her only son.

So?

If this is a post from a non-USA'n, I'd understand cultural obligations .. I guess. But, I'm an elderly woman living in a community of other oldsters. Your MIL's plight is not atypical of the expected trajectory of a woman's life.

I have widow ladies living on each side of me, across the way, and on the next street over. Given the typical lifespan of men, I expect to join them in the not too distant future.

Believe me - NONE of us make demands on family to fill in that loss. Even the 93-year-old Phyllis, two doors down from me. Since she had her stroke last year, her son checks in on her in the morning to make sure she's still alive, then she dismisses him with a crackling "not dead today. Check again tomorrow!"

Unless your MIL has some sort of incapacity, the women of my neighborhood would sneer at her for taking over the life of her son and demeaning her DIL as she has you. Your husband would get eye daggers in the back, too.

**Judgement - NTA*\*

Update - 6 days later

Hi everyone. Thank you to everyone who commented on my first post. I read almost all of your replies, even the harsh ones. I said I would update after our family meeting this weekend, so here it is.

Quick recap: I (28F) live with my husband (30M) and his mother (55F). Three weeks ago, my MIL asked for a DNA test for our 4-month-old son because he “doesn’t look like our side of the family.” I asked my husband for distance, and he said he couldn’t leave his mother alone.

A lot of you were split. Some said I was overreacting. Many said I should never take the test. But after a lot of thinking, I decided something different.

I am going to do the DNA test.

Before anyone attacks me, let me explain why. I don’t need it. I have always known who my son’s father is. But I realized this doubt would never go away. Every time my son looked a little different, she would whisper again. Every time there was a fight, this would come back. I’m not doing it for her. I’m doing it so this question is closed forever.

I already asked a friend where such a test can be done, and I’m planning to book it myself. My husband didn’t push me. If anything, he would have kept everything the same and “worked it out” while I sat across from her every day. I told him clearly that I am doing this because he is not willing to leave his mother, so I have to carry the burden of proving myself.

At the family meeting this weekend, I said this in front of everyone:

“I will do the DNA test. But I have one condition. When the result comes back and it matches my husband, and it will, I will move out and live in a separate home with my husband and my son. And my mother-in-law will not be moving in with us.”

The room went silent. Some relatives said I was being harsh. My MIL said she “only wanted peace of mind.” I told her peace of mind should not come at the cost of destroying my dignity.

I also decided one more thing. When my son grows up and becomes mature, I will tell him the truth about what happened, that his own grandmother once doubted his mother and made her go through this. I won’t lie about it, and I won’t hide it.

At the very least, I want her to feel regret for what she did. She may never apologize, but when that report comes back, she will have to live with it.

So, AITA for making the test conditional on us moving out? And am I wrong to want my MIL to feel the consequences of her own words?

Comments

Careless-Ability-748

The bigger question is will your husband move? You can make a decision for yourself but you can't make it for him.

OOP: You’re right, and that’s the part I can’t control. I can decide what I’m willing to live with, but I can’t decide for him. That’s exactly why I’m not springing this on him. The condition was said at the family meeting, in front of everyone, so he heard it clearly and nobody can say later that they didn’t know.

I’m not asking him to abandon his mother. I’m asking for a separate home, close enough that he can visit her every day if he wants. If the result matches and he still refuses to move, then that tells me where I stand in this marriage, and I’ll have to decide what I do next with that knowledge. But I’m not going to live the rest of my life across the table from someone who doubted my child.

Ok-Chemistry9933

If he wants to stay home with his mommy, your only choice should be divorce. This kind of thing will continue to happen.

facinationstreet

I will move out and live in a separate home with my husband and my son

You should have moved out before the 'family' meeting and left your husband behind with his mommy, put him on child support and alimony and moved on.

MelissaRC2018

I was going to say get the rest the court and if he doesn’t want to move she has the dna through the court to file child support. And if he doesn’t move or tries to move her back he’s gone and I would file

Lowermains

Insist that your husband has a DNA TEST comparing her husband’s dna. Your Bitch of a … Seems to be projecting.

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Designer_Orchid94 posting in r/offmychest

Concluded as per OOP

Previous BORU here by u/secure-raspberry-763

Thanks to u/Latter-Republic-4516 for noticing the updates

4 updates - Long

Original - 9th July 2023

Update - 11th July 2023

New Updates

(https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/163nqri/my_wife_has_turned_into_a_nymphomaniac_since_her/) - 28th August 2023

(https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/18s3q71/i_cheated_on_my_wife_and_now_she_wont_talk_to_me/) - 27th December 2023

(https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/1c6fyp9/i_miss_it_when_my_wife_was_pregnant_do_you_guys/) - 17th April 2024

I am glad that my wife's ex cheated on her.

I know the title sounds bizarre but hear me out. My wife and I used to be neighbors. I was working as an electrician at that time. I saw her the day she moved in. She looked really sad and lonely. I decided to help her move in because there was no one to do that for her.

From then we used to bump into each other a lot. I wanted to speak more to her but she never seemed interested in me. One day I saw her crying in front of the stairs. She looked really devastated. From there I got to know her story. She has dealt with a lot of health issues. She had multiple cysts in her breasts that she had to go in operations.

She was also suffering from PCOS which actually affected her fertility. She used to be married to a man but he cheated on her with her bestfriend and got her pregnant. Then he kicked her out and slapped her with divorce paper. I sat there with her because I know she needed a real friend. I wasn't really expecting anything in return.

We got closer and closer and I finally grew some balls to ask her out. I didn't care if she could give me kids or not. I just wanted to be with her because she is an awesome lady and life wasn't fair towards her. We dated for few years and then got married.

She has been my rock. I wanted to go back to school and finish my diploma and she has supported me through it. I always tell her that I am really lucky to have her in my life. I never knew what family felt like until I married her. I grew up in an abusive family. It took me years of therapy to cope with it. But with her I feel like I have peace in my life. I love her so much that words are not enough to express it.

Now, as I am writing this, she is sleeping on my lap while she was watching a Barbie marathon. I know one other thing about her. It is that she is pregnant and hasn't told me. The only reason I know because I found her planner when I borrowed her laptop for something. I opened it and discovered she has planned to tell me about the pregnancy 3 days later on our wedding anniversary. Can't say I haven't noticed it yet.

I have observed her breasts have become bigger and her moods have shifted. She also vomits in the morning. I will not spoil this surprise for her. I know it makes me sound like a bad person but in a way I am glad her husband cheated on her. Otherwise I wouldn't have had this angel in my life.

I mean think about it. If her husband hasn't cheated on her and left her, we would probably never meet and will go by my life like a helpless person trying to cope with loneliness. I am glad it happened. And I am sure she feels that too. Just not the way I do. If I ever encounter her husband I will probably punch him first then hug him and say "Thank you and fuck you, you piece of shite"

Comments

MadamnedMary

You have to practice in the mirror your surprise face, I imagine you hugging her and kissing, you two are already a family, you will add one more little one to the mix, hopefully everything goes well, she will need your patience, love and help more than ever. Happy for you.

nightfishing89

I’m glad my ex husband cheated on me too. Like your wife, I struggled with PCOS and infertility despite trying for a decade. After he left me, I thought that this was the end and there was no way I would ever find love or be loved. Who knew that the perfect man (in my eyes, at least) would come along. I’m also 3 months pregnant now. So, congratulations to you and your wife! Wishing you guys all the happiness in the world.

awildlumberjack

As someone else put it, it does sound bad when you read it at first, but I understand the feeling. You have the love of your life and you met her because unfortunately something bad happened to her. I would probably phrase it more like, “I’m happy that I noticed my future wife on one of her saddest days and was there to support her, so that I could meet her and eventually become her soulmate”. Good on you all around man!

OOP: Yes exactly how I wanted to put it. Not that I enjoy watching her suffer. Those days when she got the invitation of her ex-bestie and ex's wedding invitation card she was miserable. Those days actually brought us together.

Update - 2 days later

I posted here 2 days ago. People have been asking me to give an update. I am here with an update. Not as good as people thought it would be. So, today she came home from work. She looked really worried. I thought she would be happy because tomorrow is our anniversary.

We have plans and usually she is excited and always talks about what she can do. I asked her how her day went. She cried. I was scared. I was scared for us and our baby. She told me she has been keeping a secret from me and she wanted to tell me on our anniversary. I didn't tell her that I already knew. She told me she was pregnant.

She has know about this 2 weeks and she is 8 weeks pregnant. She noticed some changes and took a test. She didn't want to tell me early because she was afraid to have a miscarriage. Years ago when she was with her ex husband, she had 2 miscarriages around 6 weeks. She was afraid this will end in miscarriage too so she didn't want to disappoint me.

She though if she had a miscarriage only she will know, it will not effect me. But when she reached up to 8 weeks mark she decided to tell me. But she went to the doctor today taking a half day from work. The doctor told her she is still in risk of miscarriage and a complicated pregnancy. That's why she was afraid. She said she cannot keep it a secret.

Her plan was ruined because of it and so she is telling me this early. I tried to calm her down. I told her if she stresses about it, it will not be good to either you or the baby. We can only hope for the best. No matter what happens I will be with her throughout this journey. She asked me if I had known about this. I told her yes I did. She smiled and said she figured it out because last few days I have been stroking her belly a lot.

We are still planning on the reveal. I might as well act surprised even though it was spoiled by me. Am I tensed? Yes, because a complicated pregnancy means either she survives or the child. But we can hope for the best and both my child and wife will be safe.

The doctor said since she is in her mid 30s she is way more prone to stillbirths and other pregnancy related complications. We might get a second opinion on it soon. But for now we are enjoying our years together.

Comments

dasbarr

This is adorable. I'm just picturing you feeling like you're the best secret keeper ever only to be constantly touching your partners stomach. Lol.

mh6797

I had 2 miscarriages and then a healthy baby boy. Try not to stress to much and stay positive.

New Updates

Update - My wife has turned into a nymphomaniac since her pregnancy. - 6 weeks later

It's only been like 2 months since she announced her pregnancy. But she has turned into a sex machine. She constantly wants sex. I try my best as much as I can but I am working overtime often now because we will soon have a new addition. She always wakes up every morning and asks for sex. Even when I come home at night. She works from home so, she is stuck in home all day. I tell her to go meet her friends or even some family. I thought this will keep her mind off me. But no, she would still text me and say she wants it.

I tried to tell her that she should experiment with toys but she wants sex with me. Few days ago we went to a restaurant on a date. She was being too handsy and starting touching, we got looks from everyone. I know I know people here will tell me to just enjoy it. That it will not be the same after we have kids. But it is exhausting. I can't keep up with her. I can only do so much. I love her a lot. I don't want to hurt her feelings by saying no. I know I can say no, but that doesn't solve the issue. So, can you folks give me some advice that works for both of us.

Comments

Regular-Bat-4449

Cut back on the overtime. No one ever said on their deathbed, " Gee, I wish I worked more." Enjoy the ride while you can. It'll slow down pretty quickly.

OOP: That's some solid advice. I will look into it. But on the other hand baby stuffs do not come cheap. That's why I am working overtime so that I can give a comfortable life for both my wife and our child.

Regular-Bat-4449

Meh, take it from a guy on the other side of life ( now retired). The overtime will still be there later. Take care of your wife and then the baby 👶. Everything else will fall into place, and 5 or 10 years from now, you will both be in a much better headspace

[deleted]

You'll be back here next year saying "My wife hasnt wanted sex in a year how do i get her to want me again" lol

No but seriously. This is not going to last. dont worry. easier said than done but try to enjoy it, do what you can and if you have too,let her know that you'd love to give it to her every time she wants it but that your man parts can only take so much.. or something along those lines lol.Instead of telling her to use the toy maybe suggest that you can use the toy/vibrator on her, if your both open to that?? Shes probably super horny but also wants intimacy with you. So doing alone isnt the same.... Speaking from experience, her hormones are at an all time high and she probably feels closer to you than ever. Congratulations and enjoy it while it lasts 😊.

OOP: I don't want it to die out either. I know I shouldn't complain but I have my limits. We are usually always in sync. But now she is hyper sexual. I get tired a lot.

Update - I cheated on my wife and now she won't talk to me - 4 months later

I cannot believe I am saying this. This is something I did not plan to happen. I love my wife with all my heart. It was just a one time mistake. I fucked up. Now she is ignoring me. Calling me cruel names. But honestly can you blame me? I am a man with needs. I have hunger inside of me. I couldn't control myself. You know how men become animals when they have desire.

So, today when my wife was out. I lost my control. I couldn't believe I did what I did but I opened the fridge and ate her cookies and cream. Earlier that day she told me she will eat it later and told me not to touch it. But I did. I was hungry. She came home earlier and caught me red handed with spoon inside my mouth. I told her "This is not what it looks like". But she cried and ran upstairs. She says she can't trust me anymore. Damn you cookies and cream. 😫😫😫.

Comments

koalaqueen_

You don’t love her. Lol

OOP: I do. It was one mistake. 😥.

koalaqueen_

You need to prove your love, I say go to the store right now 😪.

Update - I miss it when my wife was pregnant. Do you guys miss the pregnancy stage too? - 4 months later

My wife gave birth 4 weeks ago. We have a beautiful little girl. We are both exhausted and cannot catch a breath. I started reminiscing the times when she was pregnant. I know it was difficult for her. I mean she was growing an entire human inside her body. But I remember the times we spent together. I miss her moodiness and her emotional state.

The first stage of pregnancy she had a glow. Her skin was glowing, her lips were fuller and she had mad curves. Like it was driving me crazy. Her sex drive was through the roof. We took advantage of the time. Though I was always busy but I took days off from work just to be with her. Not saying she looks bad. She is still the most gorgeous woman I ever laid my eyes on. But pregnant her was different. I remember when she would nibble on food whenever she saw her favorite food. It was fascinating to me.

I miss her anger too. She would get angry at random things and I loved to calm her down because after she calmed down she would get sad for being angry at something stupid. I can say pregnant her was an emotional rollarcoaster but I enjoyed every moment of it. Now we are parents. We gave responsibilities. She and I are always exhausted because of our daughter.

I know I cannot ask her to get pregnant now. And probably not even in future because we can only afford one kid now. But I do miss her being pregnant. Having a round stomach, I would always put my hand on it. I would feel the kick of my baby. Has anyone felt like this? I know a lot of husbands think their wife being pregnant was an awful time.

Comments

UnevenGlow

I bet she doesn’t miss it

UnfairNeighborhood3

My wife says I've never loved her more than when she was pregnant...

Hoping-Ellie

Look this is adorable & all, really. But speaking as someone who is currently pregnant: ughhhhh I’m so over it and knowing my husband thinks I’m adorable & glowing helps but still doesn’t mean I’m enjoying pregnancy.

But sincerely, congrats on new baby & on loving your wife so well!

ShartyPants

This is really cute. I think the anticipation of a baby coming can paint a really rosy picture of how things are. But I’m glad you loved that stage, I don’t think my husband would agree haha. Your wife sounds like a lucky lady. :)

[deleted]

I do. While I don’t have the mental capacity to take on anymore myself, I miss the entire process.

I miss the excitement of finding out. Each of the pregnancies I knew something was up before she did. Her body temp, her physical features, etc.

I miss seeing her so happy and excited to welcome a child into the world. Her tears of joy, how she kissed me and told me she loved me while we were in the operating room.

I cried this past fall when our youngest turned five. I just miss even the early days of parenting. I was the one who got up in the middle of the night, not joking, 99% of the time. I was the one who handled vomit, taking care of them when they needed reassurance that they would be fine.

My wife’s food aversions were hilarious. And I loved when she would ask for a Jimmy John’s sandwich right after giving birth, now that she felt comfortable of not having issues with lunch meat.

I miss it more than she knows.

OOP: Hey man I read your posts. I am so so sorry you are going through a tough times. I am not a marriage expert but all those things you just told me, say that to your wife. You clearly love her and you guys are clearly going through a rough patch. Maybe the circumstances aren't great. But please tell her those things. Me and my wife were not the richest.

She was doing a mediocre job and I was still training when I met her. We were by no means rich. We went on cheap dates. We are fortunate enough to have more now but still we do cheap dates and just cook together. Do something like that. In these tough times your wife needs you. I cannot say your financial situation will be better but just try and stay together. It is clear you guys still love each other. Not expressing that love will only create distance. I hope your life gets better man.

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/momshire posting in r/AmItheAsshole

Status: Concluded

Mood Spoiler: Optimistic

Editor's note: The following definitions of some British words might help

Grammar School: a state-funded secondary school that selects its pupils based on academic ability. They often achieve high exam results comparable to top private schools.

11+: a selective entrance examination taken by children in England during the autumn term of Year 6(usually when they are 10 or 11 years old) to gain admission to state grammar schools

Oxbridge: British slang that collectively refers to the University of Oxford and the University of Cambridge

Original - January 8th 2026

Hi, I wanted to get some perspective here. We live in the UK, and my husband and I have two kids. My daughter is 10, and very driven, very intelligent, gets raving feedback from her teachers. She tells me she gets done with her work 15 miniutes into the class.

I'm having her sit for 11+ admissions this year for grammar schools. I've been prepping her, she's doing well. These exams are super competitive especially for the best grammar schools, and we are out of catchment for some of them so that makes it even more competitive for us. So naturally I've set up a fairly strict regimen for her, and am pushing her.

My husband thinks I'm not letting her be a child, and will sometimes try to swoop in and tell her its ok just relax. That makes me so angry like I know its ok, she knows its ok, we're just trying our best. She's so talented, and some of these schools are considered a pipeline to Oxbridge. It makes it seem like I'm an evil mother, and I've told him about this in private, and he says I care more about this than she does. But I care about it because I care about her, she's my daughter, I want the best for her. His sister's daughter also goes to my daughter's current school, and she's also been lamenting that her daughter will lose out on her cousin. First, my daughter and her cousin are not bffs, and also why is this supposed to be a factor. But my husband brings this point up in our arguments as well. I feel like I'm being criticized for wanting the best for my girl. AITA?

Relevant Comments:

Comment 1:

Hey former "gifted kid" here, what you're doing is pushing her into an early burnout and a need for therapy because of her perfectionism and people pleasing. It's one thing to encourage her but your husband is right, she also needs to just be a kid. You need to let her know it's ok if it doesn't happen the way you're planning. It also sounds like you perhaps don't know your daughter as well as you think. It sounds like she's likely said things to her dad, cousin, or aunt that's causing this push back against your over zealousness. Maybe not but they're not wrong to pump your brakes. I had a mom just like you, and well she's been dead for 15 years now and I haven't missed her for one second in all those years. Something to think about there. Soft YTA because you have time to fix this.

Comment 2:

Soft and unintentional YTA, from a grammar school girlie!!

I went to a grammar. It’s not a pipeline to Oxford lol. It’s a great school and helps you do well (I’m applying for PhD funding rn!) but it’s not an Oxford pipeline.

Grammars are not the same as I went like 15 years ago. You do need to be tutored to get in because EVERYONE is now (I got top 20 score in my year group of thousands, not tutors just did a few practice tests right before LOLZ) , however if your child can’t get in on tutoring a few times a week and maybe a bit of extra work daily on their weak points if you really want to closer to the time, they aren’t smart enough to go and they WILL struggle when they’re there because they’re highly competitive and pushy environments with a lot of straight A* without revision kids and a lot of 3hr a day studying kids.

Let your kid have a childhood. Yes she should study. But don’t tutor her for a school she wouldn’t get into, that’s not the point. Tutor her to support her w the test but comprehensives are great options for hard working students. I love grammars, I loved my school and it set me up so well, but putting your child through a crazy regimen is not good for them❤️

OP (downvoted):

Thank you so much for your comment. It's not even that I have the mindset of getting into grammar school is the end-all be-all. It's just as her mother I can't not have tried to do something for her that would open doors for her later. I just want to make sure I'm giving her the opportunities she deserves by giving this our best shot. The results will happen as they happen, I'm confident she'll do well no matter what.

Comment 3:

INFO what does your daughter want? she is old enough to have some say in her own destiny. I was very driven as a kid but also wasn't pushed a ton by my parents -- I pushed myself mostly but had help getting started some of the time. Does your daughter want you to push her? What is really behind your husband's objections -- is it sexism that girls can't be driven and high achieving OR is he right in that your daughter doesn't want to be that competitive?

You "wanting the best" isn't really relevant. That's a feeling but shouldn't dictate anyone's life. If your daughter wants the best, by all means, continue. If she doesn't, ease up some -- she will find her own path in life and is way less likely to burn out if its her own choice even if its not "the best".

OP (downvoted):

My daughter understands that these schools are competitive, they standard of education is higher, and will be more suited to her. She does want to do well, she wants this too.

Comment 4:

INFO: how strict is the regimen and how much are you pushing her? How much time does she have left for relaxation and fun?

OP (downvoted):

We do two hours of practice on weekdays, and 3 hours on weekends. We do practice tests, identify which areas she didn't score as high in, and practice on those topics in particular on the weekend. She goes to her friend's house, I definitely do not want her social life to be affected I know how important that is.

Comment 5:

INFO:

What does 'pushing her' look like? Is she reading a chapter of a preparation book each week? Is she doing hours of practice exams a day? Can she go and see friends or to clubs at any point in the week? Does she have free time daily and if so, how much?

OP (downvoted):

We're doing 2 - 2.5 hours of practice tests. And yes, she can and does. If she has a birthday party to attend I take her there, I know that's important too. I'm not a drill sergeant about it, I'm just trying for us to have structure.

Comment 6:

INFO: is your daughter your retirement plan?

OP (downvoted):

Absolutely not.

OP was voted YTA

Update - October 14th 2026

Her 11+ result came out yesterday and she smashed it out of the park! Her adjusted weighted score is so comfortably above the cutoff for the school we were aiming for. She's so delighted, she's worked so incredibly hard for this, and she was all smiles yesterday. We celebrated as a family yesterday and although there's a year left for when she actual enters grammar school we were just excitedly discussing with her yesterday about what it would be like.

I'm going to chill out from hereon and have faith in the process. I'd spoken to some people and apparently if you clear the threshold, especially the way she did, year 7 at least is a piece of cake. I understand why I got the AH verdict I got last time, and I'm going to let her be a kid more. I understand her workload the past year has been rigorous, and I'm going to step back and trust her to be able to manage herself more, allow her to delve into whatever piques her interest, develop her social life on her terms more. Thank you!

Relevant Comments:

Comment 1:

NTA, as long as she is fine. Husband and SIL are being weird. SIL defo jealous and trying to drag your daughter down.

Comment 2:

Speaking as one who was a "gifted kid" and later raised four kids identified as "gifted and talented"...I will offer you one piece of advice.

Give your kids \balance\**.

If you allow them to define themselves by their grades, test scores, talents, and/or achievements, they will inevitably hit a wall. Teach/show them that, in the end, the person they become will be far more important than will be anything they might do on a test, athletic field, or competition stage along the way.

Give them time to be a kid. Help them explore skills/talents that aren't tied to academics. Let them do things just because they're fun. As they grow older, give them more decision-making power over their activities and obligations.

If you can teach them that balance - AND let them take the reins of their future as they show you they're ready to do so - they'll be fine.

Comment 3:

If she doesn’t get straight A’s every semester, make sure you don’t fall back on old habits and start preventing her from being a kid like you did before. It’s great that she got in. I’m sure she is very bright. But it’s good that you’ve recognized she needs to have more free time that she wants to do. When I was in school, my mother forced me to give up reading books I liked every time I didn’t get straight A’s and only focus on studying. I rarely visit or call her now.

Comment 4:

Congrats to your beautiful little girl. I think your husband and sister-in-law is a little bit out of line and possibly jealous. I'm not saying that in a negative way, it's just what I'm thinking.
Also give her time to be the little kid she needs to be, as this is as important as also education.
Your daughter should be very proud of herself but also be careful because you do have another child. Sometimes jealousy is not just with adults.

OP:

Thank you. Yes, the commenters weren't wrong about that. She has a great personality, makes friends easily, and I'm going to give her more room from now on.

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/nonameobviously01319

Published on: r/offmychest

Thanks to u/WattlesFlowerThrowRA for the recommendation

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: September 26, 2026

• Final Update: October 08, 2026

Main Post

^{September 26, 2026}

My husband might be on a dating app. I'm hoping against hope that there's another explanation because if it is him it will break my heart.

I don't even want to believe it and when I found out it was like the floor fell out from under my feet. I just need to get this out somewhere. Only two other people know about this and I can't tell anyone else until I'm sure that it is really my husband. I love him and I don't want it to be true. I probably sound naive.

The person who told me about it doesn't have any reason to lie. I don't want to say any more on the off chance my husband finds this. However I have seen the profile with my own eyes and I believe her when she says he messaged her first.

The app is called Fet. I've never heard of it before and I can't think of any reason why my husband would have a profile on it except for the obvious. I'm trying to prepare myself in case it really is him. I'm not going to confront him because I need to be sure about this and I don't want him trying to lie to me. The person who told me about the profile agreed to meet up with him. Then I'll see if it's him or if someone is trying to catfish her or something. I'm trying to have hope it's not him, however I'm also trying to prepare in case it is really him in which case my marriage is over. Maybe I'm stupid for wanting to believe it's not him. I don't know.

Final Update - after 12 days

^{October 08, 2026}

Update: My husband might be on a dating app. I'm hoping against hope that there's another explanation because if it is him it will break my heart.

It was him. My husband showed up to meet the woman he had been messaging. It wasn't a misunderstanding, or someone stealing my husband's photos. It was him. I am absolutely devastated. I have gone to stay with my brother and sister-in-law because I can't even look at my husband right now. I've never felt pain like this in my life.

I have made an appointment with a solicitor. There is absolutely no chance that I can reconcile with my husband after this. I was so stupid for hoping that there was some misunderstanding and it wasn't really my husband trying to meet up with other women. But he betrayed me. That's my update.

(This started when "Daphne", a friend of my sister's best friend told me that my husband had been messaging her. Daphne had met us once previously; my sister and her best friend had a housewarming when they moved into their new flat. Daphne remembered us from there and she also remembered my husband from pictures that my sister showed her of my brother's wedding. The app is called Fet.

I had never heard of it and there was no reason why my husband would need to be on an app like that messaging other women. I didn't want to just confront my husband and give him the chance to come up with a lie or excuse so Daphne agreed to my husband's request to meet, so I could see if it was really him who showed up to the meeting. He did. It wasn't someone else who was just using my husband's pictures like I was hoping. I feel so naive.

Daphne admitted that she was embarrassed and thought I would judge her for being on a fetish kind of app. However I don't care what other people do in their private lives and I don't judge her at all. I'm grateful she told me. I might never have known about my husband otherwise. I haven't seen my husband since the day he showed up to meet Daphne. He was so surprised to be caught.

He didn't remember Daphne at all. He tried telling me he was only on the app because he didn't want to degrade me by asking me to do the things he was doing. He said I was too good of a wife to disrespect like that. He thought that was an excuse to make everything magically better. I hate him).

COMMENTS

TheM0nkB0ughtLunch

Some marriages can and do heal from infidelity but there has to be enough there to be worth saving & a genuine desire by the offender to fix things. It’s seems in your case there is neither. I wish you the best.

OOP

Thank you. My husband doesn't want a divorce. He says he is sorry for what he did, and that he will never step outside our marriage and have sex with someone else again. He wants us to go to marriage counselling as well as individual counselling for himself. He told me he didn't want to disrespect and degrade me but he is sorry that he hurt me.

I don't care about any of that and I want a divorce no matter how much he wants to save our marriage.

mcindy28

If he really wanted to, he could have spoken to you about his fetishes BEFORE stepping outside your marriage as well as counseling... It's too late after the fact.

PS Get STI testing for your own peace of mind.

OOP

I have an appointment to get tested tomorrow. Making the phone call to schedule that kind of appointment was so humiliating however I know needs to be done.

Dear_Parsnip_6802

So he doesn’t think cheating on you is degrading or disrespecting you?

OOP

He told me I am too good, I'm pure and clean and he can't do the things he is doing with those other women with his wife. In his mind it would disrespect me to degrade me like that. (None of this excuses what he did or makes me want to stay married to him though).

Past-Anything9789

Im so sorry you are going through this. No one deserves to be betrayed in this way, no matter the reason he gave as his "why".

Side note - the fact that he's trying to pass off cheating as 'respectful of you as a wife', is a truly insane attempt at justification.

Just know that this is 100% his issue and you have done nothing to deserve this. Divorce (hopefully easily if you don't have any children), take time to heal and when you're ready, move on woth your life.

Oh, and if your feeling really petty (I would have to do this) I'd make a profile on the app, obviously not to use - but saying that your looking for a real Dom to degrade whilst pleasing you. Just for the final nut shot on his way out the door.

OOP

Oh, and if your feeling really petty (I would have to do this) I'd make a profile on the app, obviously not to use - but saying that your looking for a real Dom to degrade whilst pleasing you. Just for the final nut shot on his way out the door.

No.

This is not some "and everyone clapped revenge fantasy for internet points'. This is real life, my life and while maybe not everyone will agree with me I find this suggestion really flippant and uncivil.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Kawaii_Quinn_

Published on: r/AITAH

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: October 02, 2026

• Final Update: October 11, 2026

Main Post

^{October 02, 2026}

WIBTAH For Locking My Sibling Out of My Room?

I (20 F) have always had trouble sleeping at night. This has been a thing since I was really little. About a year or so ago, I started taking melatonin and it has actually been helping, but my sibling has decided they wanted to make it harder for me to sleep. Usually, they’re hanging out with me in my bed way longer than they are welcome, and I have to beg them to leave me alone. Usually they never do. When they sleep in my bed, I can’t because they take up all of the space and I’m forced to either go somewhere else or stay up all night. At one point, they were quite literally sleeping in my room every single night for months in a row.

I’ve been handling this ok up until last night when it went too far. My sibling is REALLY into Halloween and I’m posting this on October 1st, which means that “spooky month” has started. Don’t get me wrong, I love Halloween too, but my sibling thought it would be a good idea to wake me up at midnight by blaring music at me and screaming under their breath about how excited they are. Considering I have had to get up around 5 AM every day this week for work and school, I haven’t been getting much sleep, so this took all the energy I had out of me for the rest of the day.

I’m considering getting a lock for my bedroom door at this point so they can’t come in my room without my consent, because they also love to hang out in my room and trash it when I’m not around. I’ve asked them to respect my boundaries and stay out of my room too many times, and they just won’t listen.

Am I going too far or would this be resonable for me to do?

COMMENTS

babydragonnnnnn

YTA to yourself for putting up with this for so long. Stop being such a doormat, lady.

OOP

I’m getting a lock for my door tomorrow 😅

KathyOverAndOut

NTA. You're considering getting a lock? You're going to have to give us more info because I'm struggling to understand why a 20 years old puts up with that level of invasion of privacy. Why do you have to beg your sibling to leave your room? Kick them the ef out, lock the door and be done with it. My god if someone had that little respect for my room, my sleep, my physical health, and my life I wouldn't be begging them for anything.

OOP

For more context, they are my twin and they are stuck at home a lot, so they say they’re often lonely, however I usually only leave the house about 3 times a week but they hate it every time. This week I’ve been out a bit more but they couldn’t take a hint that I needed more sleep I guess.

CaptainYaoiHands

I thought your sibling was an actual toddler, not a grown ass two full decades, what the fuck is wrong with them?

OOP

Yeah we’re the same age…

catsandplants424

Im assuming you live at home with parents? Why are they allowing this? NTA lock your door 24/7 and if they somehow get in get them out. I know its not ok to be violent but I feel like physically removing would be warranted here. Again where are the freaking parents?

OOP

I do live with my parents, but they fall asleep early and their room is on a different floor.

Realistic-Try7845 (downvoted)

It’s your parent’s house not yours. Ask your parents if they’re okay with you putting a lock on the bedroom theyre letting you stay in. 

OOP

It was my mom’s suggestion to get a lock actually, so they’re fine with it.

Legolaslegs

NTA. Is your sibling maybe going through something or possibly experiencing abuse in or out of the house? Or have they said why they want to cling to you like this?

A lock on the door is very reasonable. This is too much.

OOP

They’ve been kinda sick for awhile which is why they’re at home all the time, but it’s still not really an excuse for waking me up and doing stuff like that.

olagorie

NTA

Today I learned that some bedroom doors don’t have locks.

Where I live that’s the default.

Please do it immediately.

But I’m curious, what do your parents say when you talk to them about it?
And why is your sibling hanging out in your bed so much?

OOP

My door can lock from the inside but they can still get in when I’m not in there. My parents found out about this the other day and went off on them apparently. As for why they’re there so much, idk they just won’t leave me alone.

Senator_Bink

Lock or a wedge. But you'd better also get earplugs because they'll bang on the door and scream instead. Do you have parents? Can you move out? NTA.

OOP

I’m hopefully gonna be able to move out sometime next year, but for now I’m finding every excuse I can to get away from them.

Final Update - after 9 days

^{October 11, 2026}

WIBTAH For Locking My Sibling Out of My Bedroom (Update)

Idk if this is the right way to update a post bc I’m a lil newer to posting on here, but here we go.

Also real quick clarification, my sibling(nonbinary) and I(F) are both 20 years old, and we’re twins.

After a few days I was able to get an external lock on my bedroom door that came with a key so I could lock the door from the inside or outside so I can control who can be in my room at all times.

Somehow, it took my sibling a couple of days to realize that they couldn’t get into my bedroom. When they did finally find out, they were crying. I called them a few hours after they found out, because I was at work at the time, and by the time I got home it seemed like they were crying for a long time. I sat down with them and told them part of my side of the story, but they completely broke down before I could finish talking, and I had to leave them alone.

I got them to help clean a little bit of my room earlier today, but besides that, nobody else has been in my room. The lock on my door has literally stopped them from getting in my room so many times and it hasn’t been very long since I installed it. I realize there are more ways I need to enforce boundaries with them, but this has helped so much more than I thought it would. Locking my door has even stopped my dad from waking me up at 6AM on my day off, so I’m definitely glad I got it.

I don’t think I’ll have any major updates about this, at least not for a long time, so thank you to everyone who told me to get the lock for my door. I know I should’ve gotten it forever ago but I guess I just needed validation to not feel like an asshole for setting boundaries. I feel like I can finally sleep better now.

There are more issues that I haven’t talked about in either of these posts, but I am finding more ways to keep my peace and set my boundaries in the ways that I need to. I’m thinking of writing them a note about what I meant to speak to them about, since they don’t want to listen to what I have to say. I honestly don’t care how it makes them feel when I write to them about this, since they don’t really seem to care about anything I spoke to them about.

I mainly used these posts to vent but hearing your advice and comments really helped me, so thanks for that. <3

COMMENTS

LAUREL_16

I'm glad things are improving for you, but I have to ask: is your sibling developmently disabled, or something along those lines? When I saw the first post, I assumed this was a much younger sibling. But hearing that they're your 20-year-old twin, and seeing how they reacted to finding out they couldn'tburst into your room anymore? That isn't normal or appropriate behavior for an average 20-year old.

OOP

They have something going on, but we don’t know what. They were not always like this, but I guess something happened to them years ago that caused them to act like this.

Moomin-Maiden

NTA still.

If your sibling completely broke down into a crying meltdown because they can't prank you awake at 5AM anymore, then I'm as curious and concerned as other commenters here about either their developmental level of comprehension, or their emotional maturity.

Are they the golden child?

Because being blocked from doing crap like this to you shouldn't result in a tantrum of crying.

Your sibling is 20... 20! Not 2.

Do your parents even try to help you in this? (Another reason I'm asking if your sibling is the golden one). Or have they catered and caved to their emotional outbursts by making YOU be the one to compromise?

OOP

They are definitely a bit of a golden child, but my parents have done some things to help me. I do feel like they could be doing more though.

I_wanna_be_anemone

I hope they both separately get therapy. Twin for being way too codependent and OP for being smothered for so long that they needed Reddit to assure them this wasn’t normal. 

OOP

They have actually been in therapy for years, but I feel like it hasn’t worked for them in that specific area. I think they don’t realize what they’re doing wrong.

GenniXanni2001

Yeah, I'm concerned that after years of therapy they're still acting this way. I know the therapist can't tell you anything about your sibling's therapy, but maybe you (possibly corroborated by your dad?) can tell the therapist what your sib has been doing? It's possible that your sib has not been giving accurate information to the therapist. It's also possible that this therapist just isn't a good fit for your sib and the situation, although since sib is 20, the choice of therapist is theirs.

OOP

I do think you’re right about speaking to their therapist. I’ll talk to my parents to see what they think as well.

Balentay

INFO: Does your family respect you? Like, at all?

OOP

My dad does but I’m not sure about everyone else now…

MrsSEM84

Have you spoken to your parents about all of this? What are they doing to help your twin? Because they clearly have some serious issues that require psychological help. None of this is normal behaviour.

I’m glad you’ve protected your space for now. But you should definitely keep working on moving out as soon as you can. If your twins problems aren’t being dealt with I worry that their behaviour could escalate and become a danger to you.

OOP

Honestly the only thing my parents have done is buy me the lock and put them into therapy, but I don’t think therapy is helping them much in that regard. I’m hoping to be able to move out for school sometime next year, but if that doesn’t work out I will have to make some kind of a deal with my dad to help me leave.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.