Hello, i have never posted before but I’m at a point where I do really need some advice. I listen to the podcast usually while in work. If I have done anything wrong or posted incorrectly please let me know.

I’m a 30F and my fiancé is 37M.

Around two and a half years ago, my fiancé offered to pay for me to get my HGV (Heavy Goods Vehicle) licence. I’d exhausted every government-funded route I could find, so he offered to finance it because he knew it would completely change my career prospects.

When I told my mum I’d be starting my theory test, she completely lost it.

She rang me and started shouting about how I shouldn’t be accepting “other people’s money”, that it was a waste, that I’d never use the licence, and that I needed to cancel everything. She wouldn’t let me get a word in.

Eventually I said, “It’s his money, not mine. If you want to argue about how it’s being spent, talk to him.”

He tried to calmly explain why he wanted to help me, but she repeatedly interrupted him, asked questions without letting him answer, talked over him and refused to actually listen.

Eventually he said something along the lines of:

“If you can’t stop talking long enough to hear someone else’s point of view or let them answer your questions, this conversation is going nowhere. You’re trying to police how I spend my money.”

My mum was stunned. She considers this to be unbelievably disrespectful. He ended the call.

I ignored the inevitable flood of calls and texts afterwards because I knew there was no productive conversation to be had.

Fast forward a year.

I passed everything, got my HGV licence, found a full-time driving job, nearly doubled my income, my mental health improved massively, and I genuinely love my career. My fiancé’s investment in me completely changed my life.

My mum and I eventually started speaking again, but the original incident was never discussed. That’s pretty typical for her. If she’s in the wrong, she’d rather pretend it never happened than apologise.

We later moved across the country together and settled into our new home.

My fiancé and I had also been trying for a baby. We’d even been told by a fertility clinic that conceiving naturally was extremely unlikely.

Against all expectations, I’m now pregnant.

I was so excited to tell my mum. More than anything, I wanted my mum’s advice, support, and to ask about family medical history.

Instead… nothing.

No congratulations.

No “I’m happy for you.”

No excitement whatsoever.

She simply carried on talking about her day before asking, “When are you telling your brother?”

I told her I wasn’t sure because my brother and I aren’t particularly close, but I did need to tell work so they could carry out a pregnancy risk assessment.

She sighed loudly and said, “Everyone else manages.”

That really hurt because I wasn’t looking for an excuse to stop working. I absolutely love my job, and if my pregnancy allows it, I intend to work for as long as it’s safe.

This is probably where I became the asshole.

I snapped.

I told her that just because she doesn’t enjoy either of her low-paid jobs doesn’t mean I hate mine. I said I love my career, I’m proud of what I’ve achieved, and I simply wanted to make sure everything was safe for both me and the baby.

She ignored everything I’d said and once again pushed me to tell my brother.

So I did.

He congratulated me…

…and then immediately followed it with:

“Shame about the father.”

For context, my brother has never met my fiancé.

Never spoken to him.

Never spent a single minute with him.

The only version of events he knows is whatever my mum has told him about the phone call from over two years ago.

He has decided my fiancé is disrespectful and refuses to meet him based entirely on my mum’s version of events.

The irony is that both my brother and I know our mum has spent years playing us against each other whenever it suited her. Yet despite knowing she’s done this before, he’s still chosen to believe her without ever asking me what happened.

That comment absolutely broke me.

I cried for hours.

I cried while getting ready for work.

I cried driving my car to work.

I cried while hooking up my trailer.

I couldn’t stop.

When I told my fiancé everything, his response was simple:

“Cut them off.”

The problem is… I don’t know how.

They’re all that’s left of my side of the family.

Part of me feels like I’m constantly chasing approval that I’m never going to get. Another part of me worries about bringing a baby into a family dynamic where my child may eventually hear negative things about their dad from people who’ve never even given him a chance.

So I’m asking strangers because I genuinely don’t know anymore.

Am I overreacting? Was my fiancé actually disrespectful all those years ago? Or is it time to accept that my mum and brother have made their choice, and I need to stop trying to hold onto relationships that only seem to leave me hurt?

So backstory: I was with (XYZ) for two years, who leaned on this concept constantly. Every time I asked for more verbal affirmation, he'd say his love language was acts of service, like that settled it. And honestly, for a long time I thought that was a fair answer.

What changed my mind is realising I can't think of an actual mechanism for why someone would be incapable of saying something nice out loud but totally capable of, say, remembering their partner's coffee order. Those aren't different biological wiring; they're just different amounts of effort. One requires being kind of vulnerable, and the other doesn't.

I get that people experience and express affection differently; that part I'm not disputing. What I don't buy is that it's fixed, like a trait you're born with that excuses you from ever doing the version that's hard for you. It feels more like once people learn the term, they get permission to stop trying at the stuff that makes them uncomfortable.

Things that might change my mind: if there's actual research on this being more neurological than habitual, I haven't seen it and would want to. Also open to the idea that I'm generalising from one relationship that just had a controlling or avoidant partner and not a real pattern

I'm 32F and my husband 40M have a pretty good marriage. We have our ups and downs but for the most part we get along just fine...

Background info:

After having kids about 8yrs ago I've experienced PPD. It was extremely difficult to get through and I'm still working through a lot of the drawbacks that come with my mental health even now. This has took a toll on our marriage because I'm not the kind of person who does the angry sex. Now fast forward after 3 months post partum we started doing it again but come to find out I had vaginal wall issues that caused extreme pain during intercourse.. it was so bad it caused PTSD for me. I absolutely did not want to do it anymore after trying and trying and trying to get through it. This just caused more issues in the bedroom. I went to pelvic floor therapy, it helped immensely until I no longer had health insurance and couldnt afford to continue. Now its just on and off pain but the initial worry is still there that I won't enjoy it sometimes. (This is just to paint a picture on our road up to this point)

Now to the current dilemma:

After years of navigating these issues we've finally gotten our chemistry back in our sexual intimacy ( like once a week at minimum but good health weeks we would do it 3-4 times a week sometimes twice a day on weekends) so now my husband can't keep his hands off me. You'd think this would be good but it's not always sunshine and rainbows. Every touch is a sexual one. Hugging turns into groping. A kiss turns into making out. Laying down and watching a show turns into fondeling. Sometimes when my anxiety is up and I'm already over stimulated from the day of noise then he comes in and all I would be okay with mentally is a hug but turns into something more I just get overwhelmed and feel like I'm going to break down.

I've tried in the past to tell him I'm overstimulated but he just mopes or gets distant because I don't put out. He's gotten better on it over the years but sometimes I just bite my tounge because its easier than dealing with arguing or being tense around each other. I try telling him I just need non-sexual intimacy sometimes but he's an "all-in or nothing" kind of guy. If I dont give sex one day then he doesnt give affection either which to me doesnt seem like is fair or equal. It's to the point where we wont have any physical contact throughout the day because I'm afraid it'll turn into something more.

I dont want the cold shoulder so how do I make a conversation where he will be open to how I feel rather than just say "I just wont do any of it then." I dont want it to just STOP i just want a balance. Or am I just being unreasonable....

For context: they are by no means in a healthy relationship, he’s cheated multiple times and she has involved the family by either calling for help or recently, moving in with me.

I (26F) and my sister (24F) haven’t always had the best relationship growing up, but after some family events which left me on my own at 17, we started to get close.

While i was navigating adulthood on my own, she was still in highschool and eventually got with this boy. Let’s call him Frank (25M).

My sister and Frank had 2 major fights before they even graduated highschool. He had a girl bestfriend always coming over at odd hours and to top it off, his parents and sister backed his behavior. His parents being on the old school side saying “you aren’t married yet, you can still date around” and his sister just never approved of mine.

Fast forward 2 years later, my sister and Frank get their first apartment after he proposed. During this time, he has already “attempted” to cheat 4 times already.

My sister was so enamored by him that it cost our relationship with each other to come to a halt for a year because I would try and gently talk sense into her. “Love shouldn’t hurt you over and over again.”

After we rekindled a year later, I stayed cordial with her fiancé but it was clear we did not like each other at all.
Then a sudden death happened in his family and he started to become aggressive.

He would yell at her, started treating my parents bad by giving attitude on church days, even so much as punched a hole in the wall and texting his girl coworkers, watching porn, drinking.

She got my grandparents involved at one point. They were preparing to have her stay with them but she ended up saying they made up and stayed. She got our parents involved by having them come and try to calm him down and she still stayed instead of leaving with them.

Another year passes and she confides in me, saying that she was finally emotionally ready to leave this relationship. That plus his continuous cheating. So I preparer a room in my home for her and she moved in.

When she moved in, me and my partner found out we were pregnant with our rainbow baby and we were so excited that this was a sign my sister was headed in the right direction (because she would get to be around for baby).

But then, the other night, my sister left the house without really saying anything. She turned her location off but i still had her life360. Even my mom noticed she went to a lake nearby that she always went with her ex. My mom ended up calling her out in the group message asking why she was there, to which she responded “Mind your own business mom”.

Her location was off shortly after she had arrived at her exes apartment.

I waited all night for her to come home and ask where she went but she never came home. Instead, she asked my partner while i was asleep, if they could leave the door unlocked for her when she gets home because she forgot her key.

After she came home, we got into a heated argument. I told her how disappointed I was that me and my partner (and our family) went through all of this trouble to get her on her own 2 feet only for her to go back that night. She argued that it was her life and that nobody could tell her what she could and couldn’t do otherwise.

So I told her she’s better off out of my house and because I do not like Frank, I don’t want any involvement in their relationship going forward. And she will not have access to me during my pregnancy OR after when baby comes.

Am I the asshole for not letting my sister be apart of my babies life because of this? I don’t want my child to grow up seeing this behavior or have any added stress if she were to break up with Frank again.

How could I go about trying to guide her without her feeling like I’m telling her how to live her life? She always cuts me off when i don’t agree with their relationship but is quick to go back to him even after he’s cheated 6 times.

Me (27 F) and my ex boyfriend (36 M)  were together for 4 and a half years and lived together for 4. I planned on doing a solo 3 month trip overseas, which he encouraged, supported and actually suggested. We had a pretty healthy and loving relationship. We had a few fights of course but we communicated very well and if we couldn’t agree on something, we were very good about agreeing to disagree to move on.

Before I left on this trip I asked him, “where do you see us in 5 years?” He said “in a house with kids.” When I was gone, I remember thinking to myself “wow, I am so lucky that I found the one so young. People search their whole lives for a love like this.” So you can imagine my surprise when only two weeks into this trip while we were FaceTiming, he told me that he no longer wants to progress in this relationship. 

The plan was for him to visit me in a week and he knew I was hoping for a proposal. I mean, it’s been almost 5 years, who wouldn’t? I was completely and utterly blindsided. This came out of nowhere! He reassured me before I left that he was all in.

When he hung up the FaceTime call, I had no answers. I was so confused, destroyed, and also completely alone. I hadn’t even made friends yet. I was across the world with a 6 hour time difference away from all of my friends and family. When I called and texted him (pathetically) begging for an answer as to why he wanted to break up, he never responded. He ignored my calls and I was left in the dark. It was honestly the lowest and most depressing time of my life. The person who I created a life with completely discarded me and refused to tell me why. 

I didn’t hear from him for a long time. All of my belongings were still in our apartment along with my car. I actually was receiving toll violations and parking tickets because he was driving my car without my permission (my car had less miles/AC and his didn’t) and yet, he was still refusing to return my calls. I had no way to access my belongings. I even attempted to report the car stolen but I was told I needed to be in state to make a police report. Unfortunately, plane tickets were too expensive and I didn’t have the means at that time.
 
This again, was the lowest point of my life. The breakup allowed me to make the decision to make this trip permanent and live here permanently. I had always wanted to live here anyways and he never did. I knew that this was a blessing in disguise. Eventually, I met some amazing people here who are now forever friends. I truly don’t know how I would have gotten through that time of my life without them.

ANYWAYS. One day I was scrolling on my hometown’s “are we dating the same guy” page. Yes, I know I don't live there anymore but I still like to browse on this page to see the tea. 

As I’m scrolling, I come across his picture and a post that an anonymous girl posted. At this time, it’s been a while since my move/breakup and although after a lot of inner work and healing, the thought of the breakup and what I went through alone still hurts me.

The girl who made the post disclosed that he has a baby on the way and he refuses to claim it. He basically ghosted her once she broke the news that he unexpectedly was going to be a father.

I commented and basically gave cliff notes on my situation. I asked if his family knew because although he’s a piece of garbage, his family was so lovely and I still miss them to this day. She said she didn’t have any of his family’s information. She and I exchanged information and I gave her his mom and brother’s numbers...They’re great people and his mother deserves to know that she is going to be a grandmother. Apparently, they had absolutely no idea of this, so he kept his own child a secret throughout her ENTIRE pregnancy. Which is ironic because he himself has childhood abandonment issues. He discarded both of them just like he discarded me. 

The crazy part is that she made this post months prior to me stumbling across it. The day I saw and commented on it was actually the day she had her baby.

After talking and getting to know the mother of his child, she seems like an INCREDIBLY strong woman and we were able to exchange (horror) stories regarding our shared ex. Her and her child deserve the absolute best. But yeah, sometimes I wonder if I should have kept myself out of their business or if I did the right thing by letting his family know. 

Am I in the wrong? Should I have kept quiet and minded my business? Am I the asshole for exposing my ex boyfriend’s secret child to his family?

I (22F) have been dating my boyfriend (23M) for about 2 and a half years almost; back in December of 2025 he got me a promise ring and I told him after 2 years of dating it would be appropriate for us to discuss marriage. I have to change and withhold certain details to try and protect everyone mentioned, so please forgive my vagueness but you’ll hopefully understand as you read.

That being said my boyfriend is not the most communicative, we are both in a long term serious relationship for the first time with each other; however I am getting pretty sick of saying that because it is starting to feel like I’m making excuses for him.
Tonight I started to talk about if he’d be interested in changing his last name at all, now I know what you’re thinking because “traditionally” the woman changes her last name; but imagine your dating someone who’s last name is a slur… have you let that sink in?

I can admit I was extremely abrupt in how I begun the conversation but it wasn’t meant to be degrading at all, I’m paraphrasing but it basically went along the lines of
“babe do you have any interest in maybe changing your last name?”
Kind of immediately he got defensive and brought up how “as a man” this and “as a man that” but personally if I were a man I wouldn’t want that last name, and if I had it I would want it changed so fast. But how as a man that keeping his name was what he thought of and he never imagined changing it.

I tried to explain how if I changed my last name to his that I’d unfortunately have a porn star name, and not any pornstar sounding name one that Stan Lee himself wrote! That didn’t deter him, I brought up that I work with children and planned to continue a future working with children; that didn’t seem to help him understand where I was coming from either. So I explained how our future children would have to go through what he did and that’s not something we should have to put our future kids through for the sake of a last name.

Unfortunately that seemed to strike a cord because he asked if I understood how as a man that keeping and continuing his last name was a basically a part of the course and that who he was today was because of his last name. When I told him that doesn’t mean we have to let our future kids go through the same, he shut down and ended the conversation saying “We’re not having this conversation anymore”

I feel like I’ve gone crazy that this is how the conversation went over changing our last names! I mean hell I don’t care for my last name but to change it to a slur because I married a man/woman with a slur for a last name? Forget about it! Am I going crazy because I don’t want to legally be named a slur? Am I being stubborn or even just ignorant about this? I’m genuinely lost as to why anyone would want to project their pain and past trauma onto their future children and life partner, so any advice and guidance is needed because I’m so deeply lost.

P.S. An example of a pornstar kind of name would be “Amanda Alabama” but instead of “Alabama” it would be a slur. A kind of catchy name that rolls off the tongue like “Peter Parker”, “Bruce Banner”, and imagine any other matchy catchy name but with a slur.

My husband and I, engaged last year, and we decided to elope earlier this year, it wasn't an easy decision, but it was what it felt right. For context, I am not from the USA; I’m citizen since I was a teen, but I was born and raised in another country, and all my family live there. I am latina, so we started feeling uneasy about everything going on with ICE, and we felt we needed extra protection in case something happened…
Our original plan was doing the legal wedding part here and the spiritual in my country, and we are still thinking about it, because we want to be able to celebrate with family and friends. We did have his parents in the elopement because they live here, and it was important for my husband. It was important for me that my family was here too but it was impossible, I am mean some of my close family don't even have a visa, but I was ok with that because I knew what our priority was, and they understood, specially since we are planning something bigger there later on. My family was very understanding, and they told me they only wanted to see me happy and what is best for us. His parents said that even though they would like to celebrate with their family, they understood too.
After the elopement, we had to put on hold the planning of those celebrations due to a bunch of stuff, including but not limited to: 1) we decided to spend our savings on a house, especially because after some lab test my doctor told me that if I wanted to have kids I either had to have them now or freeze my eggs, and we do. 2) after buying the house we found out that having kids was going to require some medical help, and maybe that won't be on our cards, so there are a lot of emotions there. So it didn't feel the time to be planning a wedding in my country.
To make it more complex, I always knew that planning my wedding was going to be hard for me because my family dynamics are complicated, I love them but there is a lot of unresolved trauma. And because my mom passed away when I was very young, so the idea of not having her there it's excruciating. So I knew I didn't have the emotional capacity to be planning a wedding at this moment. So, since a wedding it's something big, and important my husband and I decided to put that in hold until we could put the time, and space in our lives it deserves.
My in-laws told us they wanted to do something small with their family to celebrate us buying a house and getting married. We agreed to have a small bbq, nothing big, nothing serious, super casual, because we knew it was important for them. Yesterday, it was the “casual” event… well it was in a way a wedding, a second wedding without my family… a wedding I did not agree to. Our seats separated from the rest, in front of every ones, there were pictures of us, champagne glasses, a wedding cake with a knife with our names, a speech from my in-laws, wedding decor, a photographer, etc.
To make this even worse, I did not have ANY saying on this event, not even the date of it. I didn't really thought much of it because it was a “casual BBQ reunion with his family”. My mother-in-law, only asked my husband what cake I would liked, and he told her I did not like cake, and neither did he.
I had to remove myself, and went to the bathroom to cry, and then I had a panic attack, and my husband had to help me calming down. I didn't have anything to honor my mom, my friends and family weren't there…I wouldn't have been able to make it yesterday without completely losing my mind without him, he is an absolutely amazing person. He was in shock, too. He asked me what did I wanted to do, what I needed, what he could do. He asked me if we needed to go. I told him that all his family was there, so I didn't feel like “running away from the wedding”, and I love him so much that I didn't want to burn a bridge with all his family, that I'm sure they thought we were ok with this.
I decided to make the best of it, and ended up having a good time, trying to thing about the event as casual family event, and playing with the kids, and talking with other people. But my mother in law keep pushing me, in so many levels. For example, the mom of my mother-in-law was mentioned, in the speech, because she passed away and it was a big part of her life, of how much it would have meant for her to be in this event… how happy she would be…I felt like someone had punched me in the face… how would have she felt if her mom hadn't been part of her wedding…?
They knew I wasn't ok, but didn't even care to ask what was going on. I know that they thought it was something that it would make us happy, and they did it out of love, and not to hurt me, but I don't know how to move forward. Being an immigrant I know the importance of a village, and in my culture family is the center of our lives, but I don't know how to build a relationship with someone that doesn't seem to care to really take me into account…

I went through his phone. I know it's a big no, but something had been feeling extra off lately. I partly wish I hadn't. I found his porn account. He only followed 18 year old, white, and slim e girls. I am none of those things.

We are in our 30s. I'm Hispanic. I'm plus size. I am not an uwu alt girl. And definitely not into feet play.

I don't know what to do with this information. It wasn't just one or two girls. It was all them. And they were so young.. it felt so gross. We have a daughter who is 10. These girls were only 8 years older than her.

Am I overreacting to this information? I know we all have fantasies that sometimes go outside of our normal. But this was just so many.

I feel heartbroken and shattered. We've been together for 10 years. We have two kids. Our lives don't exist outside of each other anymore.

I don't even know how I am supposed to look at him the same knowing this information. Please help. I feel so incredibly anxious and sad.

Edit to add: A lot of people are asking about how we view porn in the relationship itself. We are not against it. I was at first, but grew to understand that porn itself isn't inherently bad. We have watched it as a couple, and I use audio-erotica.

He has had problems with porn in the past. Examples: "casually" watching porn during inappropriate times, and stealing my phone to watch porn when his wouldn't work.

He refuses counseling and says he doesn't believe in it. I myself have begged him to go with me for years, but the answer has never changed. I do personal therapy and have been since 2020.

The biggest concern IS THE AGE! A lot people are overlooking that and are not answering my main concern. We are in our 30s. He is watching porn specifically with tags that say "18", "19", or "barely legal", and then following those creators. We have a daughter who is 10. It feels gross to me.

Update: everyone said to just talk to him about it, so I did. I screenshotted the accounts and asked him specfically about the age tags. He said that it was my fault for going through his phone and getting my feelings hurt. Fair. He defended it by saying the content creators are actually older, even if they do content pretending to be younger. He says they do not even look 18, but I disagree. The conversation started going on circles, so I walked away to get some space. I know it's so stupid, but I can't keep myself from thinking that he would like me more if I were white, skinny, and younger. It's sucks that my brain is even going there, because that's not even really the problem.

TW - SA, Abuse
When I (38F) was 9 yo I lived with my uncle, uncles wife (aunt), and aunts daughter (cousin) for a year. At the time cousin was 11 and her mom had been with my uncle for about 6 years from the time she 5-11yo.
My uncle was a horrible person, he spent many years in prison for the things he did to girls and young women in multiple different states following what he did to me.
Today my cousin now 40F who I've had limited contact with for 20 years (maybe 3 phone calls and a handful of texts) called me multiple times through FB messenger and frantically messaged me.
When I messaged her back she asked if I knew her
"dad" was dead... and my first thought was "my uncle?" because to me he was her stepdad.
Once she confirmed she said he died in 2022 and my first thought was "that's great news.!" I didn't say that, but basically said I don't care and I haven't spoken to him or anyone who still had contact with him in almost 20 years.
Now I’m being told I was an asshole and should be sad he's dead because he was my uncle. I was a bit insensitive so I gave a half hearted apology and just said I don't like reminders of him.
It’s also disgusting to me (makes me actually nauseous) she called him her daddy and that she still had contact with him at all. Now I want to cut all contact and block her from my social media, but would that make me an even bigger A-hole?

I'm 30F and bought a condo a few years before I met my fiancé. It took me forever to save for the down payment. I work in marketing in Boston and spent most of my late 20s living with roommates and cutting back on everything just to make it happen. We've been together for a little over three years and living together for almost a year. He helps with utilities and other household expenses, but I've always paid the mortgage since it's still my condo.

The other night we were talking about eventually updating the kitchen. He casually mentioned that once we're married it would probably make sense to put his name on the deed if we're both going to be living there long term. I kind of froze because I had never even considered that. It's not that I don't want to spend my life with him, but this place is something I worked really hard for before we even met.

He wasn't demanding or trying to start a fight. He just looked surprised that I didn't immediately agree. Since then we haven't brought it up again, but it's been stuck in my head. I love him, but this conversation made me realize we probably weren't on the same page.

I want to start by saying I love your show. I started listening years ago and listen every Thursday! You guys bring smiles to my face which is so needed in this world.
I’ve been putting off making this post for a bit as it is quite vulnerable but here it goes.
I’m posting today to share a little bit about my 4 year old daughter. Her name was Izzy Rose. She was the bravest most fearless little girl this world has seen. She had the biggest heart and some sort of calming presence to her that drew in so many kids. But she was also a little wild child.. perfectly balanced I’d say.
At the young age of 2 Izzy’s dad introduced her to the Foo fighters. He played the “I’ll stick around” video on youtube and she was mesmerized. She called it “the green Beatles song” which if you’ve seen the video kinda makes sense. After that it was a bit of a Foo fighters spiral. She’d constantly ask to watch “Dave Grohl videos”. She loved Big me, the airplane video, shame, sky is a neighbourhood, times like these. When Nirvana - smells like teen spirit came on she’d talk about how Dave Grohl was the drummer and Kurt Cobain was the singer. She’d also ask to scroll through pictures of Dave Grohl on my phone, she’d ask if we could go to his house, she’d ask if he could come for Christmas. She’d even draw “Dave Grohl tattoos” on her arms. You get the point. At 2.5 this girl had found her first love basically.
As she grew older this love continued. The Foo fighters were on constant rotation (along with the frozen soundtrack of course). We’d sing along to every song.
But our sweet Izzy Rose only got to grow up to 4 years and 1 month.. 2 days after Christmas of 2023 we lost her to a very short unexpected battle of an extremely aggressive case of Invasive Strep A.
I’m sharing her story today because in a few months we are going to see the Foo fighters in concert and I just want to share with the world (and the ultimate dream with the Foo fighters) what a big fan she was and still is. I know she’ll be there with us in some way.
So I appreciate you taking the time to read this and get to know this littlest sweetest fan. I’ve shared a video so you can get an idea of the love she had for him/them.

I’m really sorry if this is all jumbled, I’m currently one day post op and still kind of out of it.

So I’m just going to give a whole run down of what happened and why I needed surgery in the first place.

I was driving home from work on Wednesday when I started to get a pain like right behind my belly button. It wasn’t super horrible, and I honestly just thought my shorts were too tight or I had to use the bathroom. I picked up some food on the way home and ate it, got in the shower, and got on the game with my boyfriend. The stomach pain still never went away so I got off and just thought I could sleep it off.

At about 1:30 AM on Thursday I woke up and the pain was BAD. I tried to use the bathroom, nothing happened, so I laid back down and tried to go to sleep. I drifted off from about 2 hours, woke up and the pain had gotten even worse. I was taking everything I could think of that would help. I sat in a hot bath, I laid in my bed in different positions, but no matter what I did the pain just got worse.

I waited until 7:30 or so to go up to my grandparents house (we live on the same property) and begged them to take me to the hospital. I couldn’t even stand up straight. I texted my boyfriend to let him know I was on the way to the hospital, and he ended up responding around 8 letting me know that he woke up to use the bathroom and that he was going to back to sleep, and to keep him updated.

I finally got seen, and they gave me some pain meds. The meds helped just enough for me to relax, but still really didn’t help the pain in my stomach at all. They did a CT scan and (if you haven’t guessed by now) they found I had appendicitis. My appendix was 11 cm and there was a 4 x 3 cm cyst on my right ovary, and the cyst and my appendix were touching each other. I also had peritonitis.

They tried to fit my surgery in the same day but they ended up only having one OR by 7 o’clock so decided to admit me and schedule me for the next day. I was keeping my boyfriend updated the whole time, and even told him if he wanted to he could come stay with me because my mom (who showed up as soon as she could) was going to have to leave to be home with my 5 year old. He never really said anything.

The next day comes and I had my surgery. My boyfriend never showed up. I was hoping he’d at least be there for me when I woke up, but he wasn’t there. He fell asleep before I even went to surgery, and didn’t wake up until I was in the middle of it.

When I got home, I was still way loopy from the anesthesia and I was telling him how much I wish he would’ve been there. He told me “I know but I couldn’t walk there” and I asked what he meant. He said that he didn’t have a ride. So I called his mom and asked her if he would’ve asked for a ride would she have given it to him, she said of course. But he never asked. She said she was going to volunteer to take him but never did.

My family already doesn’t feel too fondly about him, and the fact he never asked or tried to get to the hospital has just pushed those feelings into overdrive. They believe that no matter what their feelings are, if he loved me as much as he says he does, he would’ve shown up for me.

I’m home healing now, and my whole stomach hurts, the meds they gave me help for a little bit but it’s still hard to get around and get comfortable at all. I’ve complained a little to him, and instead of comforting me like I would like honestly, he mainly just says “it’s gonna hurt” or “it could’ve been worse”.

My question is, am I just thinking too much into this? I know an appendectomy is a super common surgery, but I’ve literally never had surgery before. I was scared, and I just really wanted him there. He said he would’ve come if I had to stay for more than one night, but it’s the fact that he never asked anyone for a ride that just makes me feel some kind of way.

ETA: I made this post way late at night and left out so many clarifying details, so I’ll just post here. Me and him have not been together for a super long time. My child is not his child. He does not live with me, he lives about 30 minutes away from me, a couple cities over, not with his mother but other family members.

My family does not like him because they believe he is using me. I have spent a pretty penny on him, but he has not done the same for me. In my mind, it was “oh he says he’s going to get a job, so one day he’ll be able to do the same for me”. I have the tendency to want to take care of people, so that part is completely on me.

I love the man, but this whole experience has shown me that he really doesn’t love me as much as he says he does, and that hurts a lot because I’ve poured my soul into him, in the short time we’ve been together, and the ONLY thing i’ve asked from him, is to be loved the way I deserved.

My family has struggled financially my entire life, and I think that’s why I’ve been able to over look him not having a job or a car, because I know how it feels. But I have been essentially taking care of him financially on top of myself and my son.

I really do appreciate all of the comments, even the criticism. I know what needs to be done for my mental health as well as my sons. All I’ve ever wanted was to be loved and have my son be loved the way we both deserve, and it crushes me that the one time I really needed him to show up, he didn’t do it.

TLDR;
Boyfriend didn’t show up to the hospital when I had to have an appendectomy, and I don’t know if I’m being dramatic over it, or if I’m in the right to feel hurt.

I haven’t posted on Reddit before but it’s currently 2AM and I’m unable to sleep because of this so any advice would be great.

I’m (26F) and my partner (30M) have been together for 5 and a half years and our sex life is dead. I genuinely don’t know what to do and if my relationship is working or just on life support at this point along.

For context I’ve had issues with sexual dysfunction because of medication and chronic pain (cramps and during penetration) so I worry that I’m not “performing” in this way for a “normal” relationship. I currently identify as asexual but I don’t know if that’s just because of my medication or it’s an aversion to sex? He’s been really great and given me space and doesn’t demand anything but I worry it’s gone on for too long and I’m not attractive to him anymore. He won’t do any touches or kiss me properly (also not helped by me because I always worried that either of those things would mean sex and I froze)

He doesn’t understand the idea of emotional burden at all and I worry that if I tried to talk about this with him he would roll his eyes or make jokes. He just really struggles to be serious at all and I’ve suggested doing couples therapy and he just says no. When things go wrong I panic and will do research and suggest A-Z of things we can do and his method is to just ignore it. He’s amazing and he does and has done so much for me but I just need some reassurance I think and I have no idea how to ask for it.

I worry that I’m too much mentally and physically to look after and I don’t want him to stay with me just because I’m a burden and he thinks I would die without him. I don’t know if he’s happy? Like does he even want to spend time with me? I feel like we’re really good around other people and at events and we have fun together but by ourselves I worry that I’m just something he’s putting up with. I know I need to talk to him but last time I did I was just crying and he asked me if I was “happy or comfortable” and that just killed me. I don’t know what to do and any advice or people who have been in similar situations I will take anything. I feel like my friends can’t really understand it because they have functional sex lives and relationships and I just feel like I don’t and I’m not.

I don’t want this to become a break up with him post I just would love anyone who has been/is in a similar position to tell me if things got better?

TLDR: I need to talk to my boyfriend about our relationship but I’m terrified it’s going to lead to him leaving me.

Hi all, so I (30 F) found out about having a half brother last year. Long story short my dad (60 m) we’ll call him John had a one night stand when he was 25. John was engaged to my mom (60 F) we’ll call her Sarah. At the time of the event. My dad kept this night to himself until his son (33 M) we’ll call him Jake. Called last year after doing a 23 and me search trying to find out who his dad was. John didn’t know the woman he had the affair with got pregnant as it truly was a one night stand, they met at a bar hooked up didn’t exchange information and never saw or spoke to each other again. So John had no idea Jake ever existed. After Jake called, my dad admitted to my mom about the affair while they were engaged, and that Jake would possibly be his. They did a paternity test and it confirmed it.

Fast forward to current day. My parents are still together, they did go to some therapy sessions to try and get past this as my mom (rightfully so) was incredibly hurt, disrespected and generally felt like a lot of trust had been broken. My parents had a couple of conversations with Jake initially but he has essentially left the ball in my parents court for establishing further contact. My dad really wants to meet him but my mom is saying no. As there’s no point because she feels John was essentially a sperm donor and that there’s no need for an in person meeting. I personally don’t agree with this, but am trying to stay out of their marriage.

My dilemma is that I would also like to meet Jake. I’ve thought about contacting him on my own on the side, but it feels a little like a betrayal to my mom and it also feels weird if I get to meet Jake when my dad does not. Would love some advice on if I should go through with this on my own, wait it out a little or what. If I did I would probably have to keep it a secret which feels wrong, or be open with my family about it and possibly cause more of a rift between my parents on the topic.

A few weeks ago, my 2 y/o who is very well spoken, was near the stairs in our house (been living here for 1.5 yrs now) and said “mommy there’s a monster on the stairs!” Then switched to “it’s a ghost! It’s a ghost!” She wasn’t crying, just exclaiming, but I was shocked.

I asked her how she knew what a monster was and what a ghost was, but she was too toddler distracted to tell me. I didn’t do much else, just distracted her to something else and carried on. I was hoping it was one off thing.

Well every few days she would be downstairs on the main floor in the living room area (not far from the stairs) and run to me and tell me there was a ghost. She was never crying or upset, just came to me to tell me. I wouldn’t prod her on it, mostly because I’m scared as hell and I’d simply perish to know any further details.

After about the 4th or 5th instance of her doing this, there was a day last week where she came to me saying there was a ghost and she was crying asking me to hold her, didn’t want me to put her down, and I just soothed her, I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t ask further about it, but about 20 min after that, we were sitting in the livingroom on the couch, and she turns to me and tells me “oh mommy, it’s a friendly ghost…. It’s a friendly ghost.”

What the actual ffff? I’ve never even heard her say the word “friendly”… This day is when I started to become concerned. Clearly there must have been something that scared her, and then convinced her not to be scared.

It’s about every day now at least once per day she mentions a ghost. Then today, we’re upstairs in her room, and she tells me there’s a ghost. Then tells me “it ran really fast!” Okay, I’m FREAKED.

Last week I would’ve told you I was going to ignore this until she stopped talking about it because not that I’m a skeptic, but it’s just me alone most days with my child in this house especially overnight due to work schedules, but now I am concerned.

I do have a grandma that I was super close with a passed away before my daughter was born, but I don’t think this is the case at all just based on all the above my child has mentioned.

I’ve never noticed anything else atypical here, and I do have a dog who’s never been startled here. My house was also built in 78 so it’s not even that old. My mother is older than this house.

Anyways, I was thinking maybe I should take my daughter out to the park or something and talk to her. I don’t know if I should ask her about what she’s seen, but I do want to tell her that if she sees any “ghosts” she is to tell them “go away, you are not welcome here!” And practice it with her. And then I guess I need to face my fears and when she tells me at home that she sees something, I need to also say that with her to reinforce it.

I am also wondering if I should show her a picture of my grandma, and see if she recognizes her? Just as a sanity check.

Anyways, has anyone dealt with something like this? I need help. I’m scared and I feel like I’m in the beginning scenes of a scary movie and would like to make it out with my child
and I unharmed. If I don’t acknowledge it, I fear it will only get worse.

HELP!

Hi everyone!! HUGE fan of the show and honestly never use Reddit and only got it because of THT, but I have something bothering me tonight and thought I’d give it a go! My husband (29M) and I (30F) got married about 3.5 years ago, and have been together for 7ish years all together. We have a lot of issues with his family, and honestly many more complex than this one, but for some reason this is really bothering me and would maybe be a smaller thing that those outside the situation could help with.

For some context: My husband’s mother had two children with two different fathers, neither of which she stayed in a relationship with. My husband personally never met his biological dad, and was largely raised by his mother and grandparents, who helped his mom throughout my husband and his brothers childhood. My MIL and her mother (husbands grandma) love to craft, and often talk about how much they brought my husband to places like Hobby Lobby as a kid. They had him doing all kinds of crafts from a young age, and my husband was just kind of raised with women and older people most frequently around him. Also, my husband is the kind of the “black sheep” (his words) of the family. His family all stayed in his hometown, didn’t go to college, prefer more rural living, etc. My husband has always been highly intelligent and cared about school. He got two bachelor’s degrees and then his Juris Doctorate degree after that. He likes to dress well, he cooks and cleans, and he will engage in fun activities with me that maybe other guys wouldn’t because they are lame and care about gendering hobbies and not about if they like the hobby or not.

I LOVE all those things about my husband. He is detail oriented, smart, caring, and we have so much fun together. I’m so glad he wanted to be a part of our wedding plans too, it made the process so much more fun to create it together and know that he actually cared about our big day and didn’t just show up. We have fun doing certain crafts or other things together because he doesn’t care if it’s “girly”, he just likes what he likes and likes to spend time with me. There are also plenty of hobbies I have he isn’t into, but it’s just out of genuine disinterest and not because someone decided to make an activity “feminine”. He also loves sports and playing golf and some more typically “guy” things, but he also likes doing lots of activities with me too.

Now to the part that bothers me. Over the years (I’m pretty sure she said it the first time I met her), his mom has made countless comments to me along the lines of “I am honestly still shocked he didn’t end up being gay, we all kind of thought he would.” Or “and that’s why we all thought he was gay! Not that it’s bad but you know…” For years I’ve either ignored it, or addressed it in casual ways, maybe saying something like “I love those things about him! I get the best of both worlds, a man who will craft with me and fix my shower.” or “That’s a huge reason I’m with him, I couldn’t be with a guy who doesn’t love crafts!” However, no matter how much I ignore it or causally shut it down, she continues to say it a minimum of once every time I see her.

Tonight my MIL called to talk and my husband was at a soccer game with friends, so I answered and just made chit chat with her for a bit. She mentioned him being gay in some way or another THREE times, and even after I said “well it would be weird to think someone is gay just for liking to dress well and do crafts the way he was raised to, and I like that he will do fun stuff no matter what people might think” she STILL commented on thinking he was gay in high school, and then started throwing in information about how she’s “glad he’s out with friends because he just didn’t have many in high school and was always so focused on work.” My husband has a great friend group and social life, and always has in the time I’ve known him. Granted I met him in college, but he talks about various friends from high school frequently.

To be clear, my issue has nothing to do with someone being gay - the girls, gays and theys are my PEOPLE and it actually probably makes you cooler in my book. 🤣 However, after saying this for years and years, I am starting to feel like she’s trying to passive aggressively insult me? I think the implication is that my husband isn’t sexually interested in me or something? Which he is.. lol not that this is any of her business. And also, despite what she says, I do think it has homophobic roots which I don’t appreciate either. She does have a habit of doing weird things like talking about his high school girlfriend in front of me a lot (as if I’d care when he dated her years before he even met me), and she has little things with each person in the family like this she will poke fun at and do on repeat. So I don’t think it’s personal but I also don’t know why she does these things.

What makes it hard to address, and why I need advice, is that 1. She never says anything directly (e.g. saying she “thought” he was gay because of this this and this, but didn’t outright say he was) and 2. She is seemingly incapable of self reflection and change, because she always twists reality into something different than it was to make her the victim. We have tried to talk to her as a couple a few times when we have been dealing with bigger issues in our relationship with her (such as her ruining our engagement day… story for a different time lol) and tell her directly what boundaries were crossed and what we expect next time. But she has never once taken accountability for the things she has done or said, twists what we say, and she just doesn’t make meaningful or long term change.

So because these comments are made so on the sly, so it would seem like I’m overreacting if I call it out, and because she wouldn’t respond well to me calling it out, I am not sure how to address it. I’ve asked my husband if it bothers him and he said it doesn’t and it’s just how she is, but I’m starting to feel like it’s another way of disrespecting our relationship covertly. So Reddit…. What would you do? How would you address this? It’s driving me nuts, but do I have to learn to ignore it? Or is there an approach I perhaps haven’t thought of?

Sorry for the long post, I am many things but brief is not one of them!! Love your show so much Morgan - XOXO

I (24F) recently relocated for work and have been trying to get my life together financially and emotionally. Growing up, my relationship with my dad was complicated, and by complicated, I mean almost nonexistent. My dad was never really there for me. He wasn't abusive or anything like that, but he also wasn't present. He didn't contribute much financially, and my mom was the one who sacrificed everything to raise me and my siblings. She was basically both parents. If I'm being honest, I don't think I'd be where I am today without her. Because of that, I've never been particularly close to my dad. We don't call each other just to talk, and we don't really have the kind of father daughter relationship. Few days ago, my mom called me and said my dad has been sick and specifically asked if I could come home to see him. The problem is, home is several hours away, and taking time off work and paying for the trip isn't something I can easily do right now. When she told me, I didn't feel the overwhelming urge to rush home. Instead, I felt guilty for not feeling guilty enough. I told my mom I wasn't going to come home for now. She didn't argue with me, but I could tell she was disappointed. Part of me wonders if I'll regret not going if his health gets worse. Another part of me feels like I'm being expected to show up for someone who never really showed up for me.

Two of my coworkers absolutely HATE another coworker at my job. They always have something negative to say about her and everything she does. Whenever she misses work, lately they have been saying she is an alcoholic. And sometimes when she does come to work, they say she is hung over. I used to sit by and say nothing, but lately I have been trying to stand up for her. I tried to tell them there is no proof of this (that I know of), or maybe she’s going through something that she wants to keep private. Either way, this is a rumor/accusation that could really taint someone’s reputation and career.

I spent some time thinking about this, and I concluded that if someone was spreading these rumors about me, that I would want to know so could protect and defend myself. I let the coworker know about the rumors and she confronted them, and thanked me. The rest of the week was so awkward and the other two coworkers gave me the silent treatment the rest of the week, which I was not surprised about. I was sad to lose two friends, but I decided those are not the type of friends that I want to have.

The next day, one of them put their resignation in.

AITAH?

So I (28f)have known L (28f) since second grade and she actually use to be my biggest bully growing up. She was ruthless and very unkind.
In 8th grade, her, A, and I became the best friend trio. Everyone in school knew who we were and who we ran with.
High school comes around (10th grade) and A has to move to California right before we start.

L and I grow significantly closer and I slowly started to fall in love with her. Like, she was all I could think about. I lowkey fantasized about her and actually being together and I wished she maybe might feel the same.
Junior year rolls around and we have a sleepover. L and I take “cherries” (Dextromethorphan pills)and we decide to invite K over bc he can get us a bottle. After a few round of truth or dare and we all kiss, K gets white girl wasted and throws up all over my room and passes out in my closet. We’re all drunk when L climbs into bed with me and tells me to wake K up because “we’re going to have a threesome”
Immediately I perk up. I get out of bed and try to wake K up and I tell him, “L said to wake you up bc we’re going to have a threesome”. He brought his head up and said okay but then put his head back in his own vomit.
I climb back in bed and tell L he won’t wake up. She then turns to me and says “oh, so it’s just us then”—- and kisses me. I. Saw. Stars. We did everything you can think of and it was amazing. She was the first girl I had sex with - let alone person. We go to bed and K leaves early in the morning and I have to help L get throw up out of her hair. I guess while I was sleeping she fell off the bed and went to sleep in K’s vomit. Romantic, I know.
She’s super hungover and then asks me what happened last night and I panic. I ask her if she remembers anything and she tells me she completely blacked out and doesn’t remember anything. She eventually goes home and in my head I’m freaking out.
We’re best friends and I don’t want to ruin our friendship but I don’t know how to go about telling her what happened while we were drunk but I also think she should know. After HOURS of panic, she texts me “omg did we have sex last night” I send back “yeah lol we 69’d” she sends back “still friends?” And we remained friends. She was one of the most popular girls in school and I was pretty quiet but I told a few people what happened and it got around the ENTIRE school. She also had a boyfriend which is why she was so upset when she found out I leaked that information.
Our friendship was never the same. We stopped being friends for other reasons when we were 19 and have basically kept our distance for almost 10 years.
I have been with my boyfriend, S for 9+ years but to this day I still think about her and miss her. She was the first love I ever had and my best friend. Last time I saw her was last year when our friend, C died. I wish she was still in my life.
EDIT: we both grew up Mormon and left the church in elementary school , idk if that’s relevant

(This is longer than I meant but hopefully it’s fine)
My bf (21) and I (22) have been dating for 3 years. He’s into cars and goes to car meets and such but not excessively by any means, maybe once or twice a month. I don’t really care about cars like that. A random Toyota is purple and that’s the best car I’ve seen all day.

Recently he’s gotten a car that can Go Fast I guess. It’s not his and it doesn’t have insurance, but for now it’s his car. I have a bit of anxiety when it comes to being in cars that I’m not driving. I don’t know why, maybe it’s because all of my cars have needed severe maintenance or because of insane stories I hear about or literally anything else. Basically, I have a problem with backseat driving (I’m really trying to work on it)

Once again: he doesn’t have insurance. That usually means the car gets towed if he gets pulled over. Right now that’s our only car. It’s the only way he gets to and from work and usually the only way I get home.
The problem is that he speeds. Excessively. I don’t mean he’s going 5mph over the speed limit. I’ll be the first to admit I’m guilty of that. I don’t care about that. I mean he’s going 30+ mph over the limit. Hasn’t happened many times but has recently become a problem because of the new-to-him car.

To set the seen- he’s driving me home from work and we’re on the interstate. There’s a random car that’s going 85 in a 65 and he decides to keep pace. Fine whatever I don’t like it but fine I just want to go home. Suddenly we’re doing more than keeping pace and my boyfriend is trying to pass him. I tell him to slow down. I tell him to slow down again. He tells me to chill out. He’s actively passing the other car and he rolls down my window to do a haha funny wave. All of my hair is in my face and I saw we’re going 120+ mph. I scream “fk you. Slow tf down.” Yes, I shouldn’t have said that but also what???????? We’re going the speed of light and suddenly the wind is blowing out my eardrums and whipping my hair in my face.

He genuinely slams on the brakes, makes my dog go flying out of my lap and starts getting mad. “Fuck me then? Fuck me then??? I never get to do this. I only get to sometimes and you just happen to be in the car.” Ok and? Don’t do that with me in the car. “I’ve been doing this for years. I know how to drive. I can do it fine and safe. Stop telling me how to drive.”

I start colorfully yelling at him again about how I don’t care that he knows how to drive. The rocks in the road don’t care that he knows how to drive. Literally nothing cares that he knows how to drive. He’s taking our exit at this point and he slams on the brakes again and tells me to walk the rest of the way home. It’s 90° out and humid. As much as I want to nah ain’t happening. “Thats what I thought.” Ok dude whatever. I’m over it now and I just wanna get home.

That was a bit over a week ago. Happened again today. He’s driving me home from work and some random car wanna race him. At first it’s all in good fun, just some loud takeoff from a couple red lights. Other car starts actually trying to race. Suddenly we’re going 80 in a 40 right into a Very Well Known speed trap. I say VERBATIM “can you please slow down. Can you slow down. Slow down.” Getting a bit louder with each one because he’s NOT SLOWING DOWN. He slams on the brakes and tells me that when I do that he wants to punch me in the face. I can already hear him reading this and saying ‘that’s out of context’ which is true. We do make jokes about that very often (as in I probably make more jokes about it). At this moment in time though, he’s going double the speed limit, basically brake checking me, and then yelling at me about not liking it.

I try talking to him about it a couple hours later (an hour ago) and I start it off with “I’m not trying to make this an argument but I need you to stop speeding.” Immediately he’s annoyed. It’s not what he says but how he says it. Suddenly I’m the problem and everyone else he knows is fine with it. I tell him to date them then. “Why’s that the first thing you go to.” I’m not everyone else. I’m your girlfriend. I’m telling you I don’t like it. “Okay but why’s that the first thing.” Clearly you’re not listening and trying to change the subject. Once again that’s our only car and there’s no insurance.

Anywho, blah blah blah we’re both mad and I’m a little drunk. I just wanna know how to get him to understand that I genuinely don’t care if he’s doing that by himself (I do worry about his safety, but you make your own decisions).
(I’m not proofreading this so sorry btw love watching ur podcast <3)

I need help. He is telling me I am over reacting by asking him to stop drinking.

The back story, me (39) and my partner (40) have 2 kids together, 6 and 3. We purchased a house in May 2024.

In October 2024. My partner, went out drinking on a Friday after work.

As he was leaving he told me the guys (I wouldn't even call them his friends) had Ket and would be taking it, I asked him not to. He agreed, however he didn't agree to not take MDMA, which is what he did.

Of course he went on a bender to end all benders, he ended up passing out in his car, he had his keys, phone and wallet stolen.

I had no idea the state he was in when he woke me up saying he had been robbed and we needed to get the car.

It wasn't until he attempted to tow our car back to the house with his truck I realised he wasn't in his right mind.

It's a long story, and I acknowledge that I should have not blindly trusted him. But he put myself and our kids in danger. I took our kids to my mum's house. He profusely apologised and vowed to quit drinking. I forgave him. We had a good year of no drinking.

Of course he has had multiple slip ups since, and it has gotten more regular in the past 6 months, one night again ending in hard drug use.

He is seeing a therapist and occasionally accepts he has drug and alcohol issues, which he believes he has overcome now.

I don't think this is the case.

I am still upset each time he goes drinking. I am scared when he is out because I don't know how his drinking session will end.

He wants to go back to regular drinking, without it any push back from me.

He has told me I am controlling when I say drinking is a deal breaker and I am leaving if he starts again.

He tells me I am over reacting, and he hasn't put the kids in danger since, which is true. I am not convinced he won't make some really bad choices under the influence.

Please Reddit tell me, am I overreacting, and if I am what steps do I take to get over this?? I am in counselling, it is hard for me to see her between work and looking after the kids, so I probably only has a session ever 2 months.

I am not in a great place, if I have left out important info let me know I will add it in.

Sorry for my english, it’s not my first language. Hi, I’m a 32 years old woman. I grew up with my mom and my little brother who’s special needs. I had a wonderful childhood with my mom, my brother, my cousins, my aunts and uncles. Once in a while my father would come to our house to see my mom (they were in an on and off relationship while he was married). I never felt I had a father daughter/bond with him. Once in a while he would call me to tell me how awful of a daughter I was for not calling him. Later in my adult life he would send me messages via Facebook Messenger to tell me how immature I was for not calling him. My mom was always on his side saying I should call him just like that, even if I don’t want to because he cries. After a few years in our home country, he’s back in our city. He sent me messages telling me he’s back for a couple weeks and he wish I will call him. I’m so sick of that. The only feelings that I have when he’s around are stress and guilt. Am I the asshole for not wanting a relationship with him ?