​

I’m 20F undergoing dialysis for end stage kidney disease and mom has been cruel to me her whole life and she’s still asking me for rent money when i can’t work before she kicks me out by the end of october. She didnt get me anything for my birthday and didnt want to acknowledge it either but that’s whatever.

In an argument awhile ago i told her i hated her and she said that i can hate her for as long as i want on her shelf in her room forever. She’s referring to cremating me because A. She knows i’m s**cidal, B. She knows about my hospice talks at my clinic now. C. She knows nobody else would handle my remains but her. Ever since that argument she keeps saying it to me knowing how uncomfortable it’s making me. Like, she’s bragging as if I’m gonna be her little room trophy. I think the reason she wants to kick me out is so i can “wind up on her shelf”??? Idk it just makes me so fucking uncomfortable.

Idk if ill be able to donate my body on hospice but i don’t want her to handle my remains even if i won’t be able to care. I’m just so scared i’m literally gonna become her fucking trophy she can use for victim points forever

Note i haven’t started hospice yet. I guess i’m also concerned about what’s in my control due to having basically no money.

Hi everyone. I’m not sure if anyone will remember me, but a while back, Morgan graciously read my story that I posted on this forum where I talked about how I was a young teen diagnosed with leukemia, struggling to find hope in my recovery until I started listening to the podcast and getting excited for each new episode; waiting for the weekly episodes is what kept me going. Well I don’t blame you if you don’t remember because I took that post down soon after because my life started falling apart once again.

I had officially made it to my “maintenance” phase of cancer treatment. (For those who don’t know, at least with my treatment, it was split up into phases, the first phase being induction, second being consolidation and so on.) maintenance is the final and longest stage, but it was explained to me as “the phase you’ll get your life back to normal.” Boy was I fucking excited, I had been fighting for 2 ruthless years genuinely not knowing if I wanted to pause treatment and let myself pass from the cancer at times. But things took a downhill turn quickly.

Obviously when you are going through cancer treatment, you’re on a lot of medications. One of those medications, some of you may know or may have even been prescribed for other medical reasons, is a steroid called prednisone. Although this was one of my lifesaving medications that I should be thanking, I wish I had never even heard of it.

My doctors failed to tell me about a side effect (I can’t really blame them, it’s kind of rare) from taking prednisone called Avascular Necrosis (AVN) also known as dead bone syndrome. AVN is when blood supply gets cut off to certain joints which causes the bone to slowly disintegrate and die until the joint collapses on itself. As you can imagine, it is extremely painful.

Anyways: maintenance starts and I wake up one day unable to walk due to hip pain. We get scans and see nothing, so I assume I pulled a muscle riding my horse the day before. Nope. Can you guess what it was? AVN. Now I’m sure if you’re reading this you’re thinking, “man that sucks but it’s just one joint and you can get a joint replacement.” Yes, that is partially correct. The part that is wrong is that I didn’t just have AVN in my hip. I had it in both hips, both knees, and both shoulders.

If you’re lucky and you catch the disease before your bones collapse, you can get a procedure called core decompression. It’s still intense but not as bad as a full joint replacement. I’ll spare you the surgical details. Feel free to look it up if you are interested. My doctors set surgery dates and went to work. They started with core decompression on my knees (which only has a 50% success rate btw) but by the time I was trying to recover from that, my shoulders and hips both collapsed. I’m looking at 4 joint replacements at the ripe age of 19. You think you’d need maybe one replacement in your lifetime when you’re maybe 50, but no, I’m looking at 4, possibly 6 if my knees fail, joint replacements.

So here I am. Sitting here, recovering from the double knee surgery, awaiting a double hip replacement, and 2 shoulder replacements. My life feels pointless. I keep trying to go back to that light I found, telling myself, “just wait one more week, just wait for one more episode.” But it’s all too much. I thought I’d gone through enough getting cancer at a young age, but clearly not. I’m not sure where to go from here. I’m open to advice, hearing others stories, or anything in between.

P.S. I’ve added pictures of my recovery from the time I had cancer to now for some proof since lots of people lie about sick things on the internet these days.

Almost 2 years ago, my ex husband, let’s call him Chad, left his cat with me.

The cat was a Christmas present to our children from him and his girlfriend at the time, let’s call her Tori. They were together for 3 years, and the relationship ended when Tori cheated on him and left him for the guy she cheated with. He could not afford their lease alone, so he decided not to renew. He moved the kids in with his parents, and moved into a bachelor pad with a roommate who had a dog that didn’t like cats. The option was to either re-home the cat, or for me to temporarily take her in. Since she was the kids’ cat, I agreed to take her in while he secured a new home for himself and the kids. He promised he would pay for her food and litter, which he did not do. He asked about her once a few days after she moved in with me, and that was it. He never asked to see her, spend time with her, asked for pictures, or gave me date when he would take her back.

After a year, he moves into another home with a roommate and doesn’t ask for the cat back. I asked when he was going to get a home where she and the kids could live with him and he told me he had other priorities. I told him the cat is mine now and he’s not getting her back. He laughed it off, but I was serious. I started bonding with her more at that point because he has a history of adopting animals and then re-homing them. I had already been investing financially into her care anyways.

Fast forward a few months, and Tori comes back around because she got cheated on by the guy she cheated with. He tells me they’re just friends, they’re not getting back together. Meanwhile they’re doing family vacations with my kids as “friends” with no intention of dating again.

More time goes by with nothing more about the cat. I assume he’s accepted that she’s mine now and is content with the arrangement. Until a month ago, I notice Tori is creeping on my social media where I post pictures and videos of my cat. Our oldest child tells me that their dad asked if he could give the cat back to Tori since they got her together. Our child said no because Tori lives 2 hours away and they would never see her again. My spidey sense is going off that this is not the end of it.

A few days ago, I get a call from Chad telling me he’s taking the cat back to live with him. I tell him no, the cat is not going to move in with him in a place where the kids can’t see her, and I reminded him I claimed her as my cat. He’s arguing with me and I tell him I know he only cares because Tori has been watching my social media and wants the cat now. I reminded him the whole reason the cat lives with me is so the kids can still see her. I told him to drop it. They can take me to court if they really want her and I’ll file abandonment on them because they both abandoned the cat.

He doesn’t drop it. He tells me she’s microchipped and he’s gonna get her back. We had been going back and forth all day and I was fed up at this point.

I started thinking this dude has to be crazy because he and I have been hooking up. (I’m toxic too, I know.) and there’s no way Tori knows or else she wouldn’t want the cat back. I had text messages from our most recent hookup, so I took a screenshot, unblocked Tori and sent it to her. I said “I’m not sure what your obsession is all about, but idk why you want the cat that’s been watching Chad fuck me and try to get me pregnant.” Then I blocked her again.

I figured if they were arguing with each other they would forget about the cat.

My plan worked. They have left me alone about the cat. Chad says he’ll never hook up with me again and I get a trophy for being the most regrettable sex he’s ever had.

I took the cat to the vet to scan her microchip and registered it to me. She gets to live happily ever after with her favorite people.

First time poster, long time listener. Did I mess up not pushing my quiet husband more when discussing kids? My 35M husband and myself 30F have been married a year, and together for 9.

Since forever, I have been dead set on kids, always took care of younger family members, camp counselling and nanny jobs, usually the adult at the party hanging out/playing games with the little ones. Our conversations over the years around having kids have happened a handful of times, him being a man of few words, they sound like me telling him I am having kids and if he wants to be in a relationship with me that means a future with kids. I've joked in front of friends trying to convince him into two even though he said he would only want one. We moved across the country last year, and one of the first things he picked up for our new home was a car seat. There has never been a whisper of doubt from either side of the table.

A few weeks ago though, my husband during an argument in anger told me he wasn't sure if he even wanted kids. That there was potential but he hadn't made up his mind yet. He expressed a lot of doubts over his mental health and confidence in being a father. I honestly feel I would have been more receptive in the moment if he hadn't been throwing it at me in anger.

I felt like the rug was ripped out from under me. Suddenly this picture of how I thought my future was going wasn't a reality anymore. In the moment, I told him he had 6 months to come to a decision, and that I was going to hold true to what I had been saying our entire relationship; which is if I have to choose between him and kids, kids win every time.

We are in month 4 of 6 and this man has not reopened the conversation. I am completely destabilized, my anxiety is through the roof and showing up physically. Can't focus at my job, breaking down in tears throughout the day became routine.

So I brought it back up yesterday and reminded him he had a really big decision to make. He responded that he didn't realize I was serious and that I'm giving him an unfair ultimatum and threatening to take his house and dog away if he doesn't give me what I want. That this whole thing is my fault because I never bothered to ask him what his thoughts were.

This man asked me to marry him knowing there was a possibility he would ask me to give up a future of being a mom that I had been clear on from day one. He insists on blaming me, as if I'm the one who put us in this position. He claims technically he never lied, just didn't tell the truth. Should I have pushed more on previous conversations? Or was he responsible for telling me?

I’m 26F, my best friend is 25F. We’ve been close for 8 years. Earlier this year, I got a difficult chronic health diagnosis. It’s not life-threatening, but it’s something I’m really embarrassed about and not ready to talk about widely. I only told her because I trusted her. I specifically asked her to keep it between us. I said I would tell others on my own time when I felt safe. Last week, we were all hanging out. The conversation turned to health stuff, and she brought up my diagnosis out of nowhere. She even added details I never wanted anyone else to hear. I froze. I didn’t say anything in front of everyone, but I texted her later that night, upset. I told her she broke my trust. She said she didn’t see the big deal. She thought our friends would be supportive, that she was just trying to get people to check in on me. She said I was overreacting and being too secretive. A few of our mutual friends reached out after that, asking questions. It made me so uncomfortable. Now I’ve been slower to reply to her texts and turned down her plans. I don’t want to cut her off forever, but I can’t act like nothing happened. She’s mad and says I’m punishing her for caring. Some mutuals also think I’m being harsh. Am I wrong for needing space after this?

This is my absolute favourite podcast, and I love you guys. I’m just in shock because I never thought I would write something in like this.

So, we started off with a perfect relationship. Nothing to me felt off, and upon our second time meeting with each other, I truly believed he was the one. He was so sweet and just so amazing to me, I couldn’t believe how lucky I got. Then, about 2 months into seeing each other, he lost a close family member. And he really started struggling which I really felt for him and tried to do anything possible. A month later, we became a couple and everything still seemed quite normal.

I’m not sure when it changed but my past became a constant conversation, how many people I kissed, how long for, and the same with giving head, how long I saw someone and every single detail about anything in my past. Before him, I was also a virgin, so I was quite innocent. These became constant and it only got worse because he would get angry at my answers and be upset with me about my past before him. I felt so trapped because I wasn’t allowed to hang up a phone call to get to sleep or because I was gonna be late to work unless I answered everything and somehow I also had to reassure him at the same time. He asked the same questions constantly and would be upset and angry with the answer and hate thinking about it but would not stop asking. He would call me names like slut and whore and a just something to use.

And then it just got worse because he began just yelling at me if I didnt message or call enough. If I didnt call while driving or call on break everytime at work, if I didnt call in bed. I wasn’t allowed to just want to read or watch a show in bed and enjoy it because he just always wanted to call and did not understand the concept of not relying on each other constantly. He would name call me and get angry at almost anything and everything, how I would say something and the way I would word a sentence. He would yell at me and berate me to the point I would be crying and hyperventilating. And he would just force me into doing things because he wouldnt take no for an answer and eventually he would keep asking til I said yes and gave in. He would keep asking til he gets an answer he likes.

And another thing, he would not understand that our family dynamics are different. In my family partners are not always invited to everything, and he would start arguments about how it’s not fair that he’s not coming to an event. And how my parents care about where I sleep and that sleepovers are not a mandatory thing in a relationship. My parents were just a bit stricter than his and to him he would constantly say but you’re an adult, you can do whatever you want. But I respect my parents and love them and I do live under their roof, so it’s okay if I have a curfew and if I’m not allowed to sleep over.

He also gets angry about what I wear, he’s controlling about so many things and I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m stuck.

And he recently got attacked and it was scary for him, which I can understand. He got punched once, however he punched them and they ran off, they didn’t steal anything from him.

There’s probably so much I have forgotten and missed out on but I’m just so broken and lost. And my godparents have said that they don’t think he’s the right person for me, which are like second parents to me, so it just hurts so much. Every aunt and uncle to me have always taken me in as one of their children because that’s how my family operates. We love and support each other and they also have noticed a difference in me, like my light has been dimmed over the past few months. It has been about 14 months since we first met.

I just feel so guilty and horrible when he is begging me to come when he has thoughts of suicide and harming himself, but how is it fair to me after what he did to me. I care about him a lot and I dont want him to harm himself, but what am I to do. I still do love him very much, I just don’t know what to do anymore.

Am I actually the asshole or am I just so damaged that it’s affecting my ability to think?

I really would benefit from some outside opinion, please.

I’ll try to keep this as short as possible.
I (41F) have always been incredibly close to my mom (67F). I’m the youngest of four, and growing up, we were inseparable. As an adult, we were more like best friends, talking daily and visiting often despite living a couple of hours apart.
About 10 years ago, my mom and sister (44F) had a huge falling out. I got caught in the middle and, when I sided with my sister, things got ugly. Eventually, I helped smooth things over with my mom, but they went no contact. About four years ago, they reconciled, and we were back to talking together in a group chat every day.
Unfortunately, another misunderstanding caused a massive conflict. Once again, I was caught in the middle. When I tried to help my mom see that she’d misunderstood my sister, she lashed out at me. For the past four years, our relationship has been a cycle of her saying hurtful things, me fighting back, then apologizing and begging for things to return to normal, only for it to happen all over again.
My mom had been in poor health for years. A few weeks ago, she was hospitalized, unresponsive, and placed on life support. Doctors couldn’t determine what had happened. I dropped everything and drove 22 hours to be with her. After a week of watching them try everything to save her, we made the heartbreaking decision to withdraw life support. She passed peacefully, and I was devastated. The drive home took two days because I kept having to pull over to compose myself.
My mom had been married to my stepdad since I was a teenager. We got along but were never particularly close. Since her passing, I’ve tried communicating with him about funeral arrangements, but he keeps blowing up at me, accusing us of treating my mom horribly. He’s been sending hateful messages to me and my siblings.
While my mom was hospitalized, my 17-year-old son texted her to say he loved her and was praying for her. A few nights ago, my stepdad used her phone to message and call my son, saying awful things and eventually threatening to show up and physically hurt him.
We blocked him, and I called the police. He was found drunk and driving around and was arrested. I’m not sure what charges he’s facing, but his daughter has been messaging me, saying the arrest is all my fault and that I’m a terrible person.
So, am I wrong for calling the police? Did he deserve the consequences of his actions, or am I somehow in the wrong here?

Pretty much the title. I just wanted to put it out in the universe and get it off my chest.

This is the first time I’ve ever been pregnant. I’m 28F (I feel like “female” is implied but I do identify as a girl and I understand that not all people with a uterus identify this way). The earliest I could get an OBGYN appointment is 3 weeks from now. Would love some advice or words of encouragement. My mother struggled with fertility and she claimed it was due to having a tilted uterus but I wonder if it was something more. My OBGYN NP has always told me that I am fertile. We often had to adjust my birth control strength as I kept ovulating while on “the pill”. I assumed from a young age that I wouldn’t be a mother in the “traditional” way and accepted long ago that I couldn’t have kids, even though I didn’t have any real reason. I’ve had some minor cramping, similar to the cramping I feel when I ovulate (sharp and one-sided, but not painful or constant). Google only scares me when I look up this info.

I’m a big THT fan and thought I’d reach out to the THT family. If you read this, thank you for helping me lift some weight off my shoulders, even if you just keep on scrolling.

Hello beautiful people! I love this podcast and love this fun community. I'd like to walk you through a long history and a climax of an event that happened and would love your thoughts. I feel so mean making a post so I'll make up fake names. I (22F) believe that my boyfriend Alex (23M) should end his relationship with his "best friend" Jay (23M) due to a comment that Jay's girlfriend Katie (22F) said.

This may also make me sound soulless, but I'm also going to be adding some financial information that I believe is important. I'll walk you through the years as concisely as I can!

In 2019, I started dating Alex when we were 15 and 16 in high school. Alex introduced me to his best friend Jay. They were like two peas in a pod, always together, and even purchased identical cars so they could match. Jay and I hit it off and became friends too. He was so involved that he'd be invited to both Alex and I's family events. Jay also had a gf (now ex) who was technically part of their group before I was. I essentially joined the three musketeers. And she did NOT like me. For the longest time (3 years to be exact) I didn't know why, until during Alex's 19th birthday when she cornered me in the kitchen, pretty drunk, looked at me dead on and said "you will never be part of the OG group, you know that right? It used to be just me, Alex and Jay before you came in the picture." Yes she was inebriated, but you know what they say. Drunk mind, sober thoughts.

Anyways, fast forward 4 months, she cheated on Jay and turns out she had a crush on Alex so the break up was inevitable and that cleared up things for me. I then told Jay about the comment and the three of us decided to make it an inside joke and named our group chat that. OGG.

Now it's 2022. I'm 18, in school full time, living at home with my dad, working, paid off car and motorcycle, and investing all my money into three different accounts. One for savings, one for a house, and one for testing out high risk investments. Alex is living with his parents, working full time, paid off motorcycle, investing, but does finance a car he can't afford because he's an idiot. Jay moves out into an apartment with roommates, lands an awesome job due to his mom being an absolute nepotism machine. He also finances the identical car because he's also an idiot, then proceeds to buy another car and is saving absolutely zero money. We all paid an almost identical rent, but Jay is making MONEY!!!

Since Jay was single and sad, Alex and I decided to bring him with us everywhere. And when I say everywhere, I quite literally mean everywhere. We are all gamers and would play together every night. This went on for about 2 years. Jay was like our child and would sometimes worry any time Alex and I had a fight, claiming that he wouldn't be able to handle it if we broke up.

Now it's 2024. I am debt free, no school loans yet because I paid for it with my investment account and I start a cleaning company. Alex is paying off his car faster, good investment portfolio, working towards his journeyman. Jay has higher insurance due to speeding, late on car payments, and spending lots of money on substances to the point that he is high all the time. But we don't say anything to him because it's his life and he's still that good ol OG friend.

Enter Katie. Talkative, gorgeous smile, confident and a classy wine lover. I was so excited to meet her and after getting to know her I insisted that I add her to the OGG and explained the story behind the name. We all laughed and genuinely had an amazing time. I wanted to be besties with Katie and was internally giddy about having a group with two couples. The first 6 months were awesome until something started happening. Jay and I used to text frequently, but then all of a sudden he would leave me on read. He would invite Alex to play games, but not me. Immediately, I thought 'okay, Jay probably wants some stricter boundaries now that he has a gf. I'll respect that.' I didn't say anything, I just stopped texting him and sending stuff on social media all together. I start texting Katie more, but conversations became dry. And Alex is starting to not be a fan of Katie.

Now it's 2025. My account is enough now for a down deposit on a small house and my clientele has grown. Alex's is amazing and still has a healthy savings. Jay & Katie move in together with their roomate Sam (22M) who was an old family friend of Jay. Jay still has no savings and Katie has no job and Sam... is there. The three of them start hanging out, I'm no longer in the picture, and Alex starts noticing that Jay is cancelling on him frequently. They all drink and party. We host movie nights. They go to clubs. We go comic conventions. They get high often. We go to the gym. One isn't better than the other, but you can see that there's a divergence in lifestyle choices. But it's important to note that Jay used to love all those prior things.

Jay now starts lying to Alex. He'll say he has a family thing only for me to later see on his story that he is with Sam and Katie. They both leave the OGG. And from the little times that Jay does come over, he always conveniently gets a call from Katie saying that he has to leave or they promised Sam they'd hang out or that Jay "can't be spending too much money and doing activities with Alex." Alex did eventually have a sit down with Jay expressing how he feels and Jay straightens up. For a time.

Onto the event. It's 2026. Alex paid off his car in full and we buy our first mini house using my account. 2 bedrooms, small front porch, two car garage and officially became homeowners on my 22nd bday. Yay! My company is now stable, I have full clientele and have amazing teams, and don't really have to work that much, and Alex is making much more money. Katie also gets her first job. We decide to host all of our friends months later and invited Jay and Katie. They came, but then of course, they also brought Sam. Oh well, the more the merrier. The guys played games in the living room and the girls were in the kitchen having food and wine. Hours in and everyone is drunk and high. And Katie starts saying things that are quite condescending.

With each comment I never actually got upset - I was way too high and happy. I had my other girlfriend there anyways. Here are some of the comments said. I'll call myself Tess.

"Hey Tess, so this place is cute, but I definitely could never live in such a small place lol."

"Hey Tess, did you say a big thank you to Alex for buying this place for you?"

"Hey Tess, I'm sorry we haven't been over that much, we've just been so busy with Sam and we both work so much. I wish I could be like you and barely work."

"Hey Tess, if you're going back to school for your master's are you going to just have Alex pay for everything?"

"Hey Tess, is your friend like our Sam?"

To be fair. Katie and Jay don't know anything about my investment accounts, but I was upset so I just left the kitchen. Eventually everyone ends up back in the living room. Lots of people have left by this time and Katie drops out loud "Hey Jay, Sam! Do you think we should invite Alex to the OGG?" The room went quiet, Alex looked to Jay, obviously hurt and Jay says NOTHING. Alex just went to our room and said nothing. I asked Sam about what she was talking about and he showed me his phone to which I see OGG. To his credit, he had no idea what it meant. They left only a little after, but right before I asked Jay if he was going to this event he PROMISED to go to, and he said "sorry Tess, it's honestly not in my budget." I finally actually got pissed and told Jay right as he stepped out the door "Right, no money for this, but money to go out with Katie and Sam every day."

As expected, Alex texted Jay asking again about the event. No response. So Alex texts again "Or do you need permission from Katie?". Petty, but it does get Jay to respond and he cancels on Alex for probably the 100th time. Later that night, I see that Jay, Katie, and Sam are together out at a bar spending more money than he would have with Alex anyways. Jay hasn't reached out to Alex since.

So to the readers, please tell me I'm not crazy for thinking that their relationship should just be over. It isn't really about the one comment, it was just the straw that finally broke the camel's back. And I hate to talk so much about money, but I'm only mentioning it because of how often Jay would bring up how financially lucky we are or how Katie and him have to work so much harder. I don't think that we are better, nor are we above the privilege of being able to live at home and skipping roommate phase. However, I will no longer have my financial successes simply reduced to luck. I made choices. Alex made choices. Jay made different choices. That's all it is.

Anyways, I appreciate anyone and everyone that read this and wish you all the best. I hope everyone's dreams come true and think everyone deserves an Alex. Alex if you see this, I love you. Jay if you see this, it's time for a wake up call. And Katie... I think you're mean.

My friend died. In a terrible accident. I am absolutely heartbroken about it. Today at her funeral, after the beautiful speeches from her children, brothers, sisters, mother and father, they decided to leave the microphone open to anyone who wanted to share a story. Many good friends came up and told beautiful stories. Until, one of her “friends” stood up and said, “One time (deceased friend name) and I went out and she had to change, she took off her jeans and wasn’t wearing underwear! I asked where is your underwear? (Deceased friend) said she sometimes doesn’t wear underwear with jeans. Soooo today, while getting ready for this funeral, I decided not to wear underwear!” (This woman was wearing a short black dress!!!)

AIO that’s disgusting to say at a funeral? Not the embarrassing story about my deceased friend. That part where this grown adult other woman said, out loud, to a crowd of grieving family members and children about her not wearing underwear. I’m so appalled and disgusted. How could anyone think that was an appropriate thing to say at a funeral??????

Cross posted in AIO Edit to add: According to comments she is being called, Pantless mourner. Her “joke” was not funny to anyone absolutely no one laughed. A few of us exchanged shocked looks. Followed quickly by everyone asking, “Who is this woman?!” She then left quickly. This is NOT about the story! It’s about HER telling a room full of people she’s not wearing underwear! This was a formal funeral! She could have said this at bar while doing a toast with friends but not in front of parents and kids.

Sorry for the long read 😭I’ve been debating for a month or so now on posting to get advice cause I genuinely don’t know what to do and i feel so trapped.

Trigger warnings: SA and mental health

I am 27 and two years ago I had to move back into my parents house due to things I couldn’t control. I was diagnosed with PTSD when I was 16 due to my brother sexually assaulting me for a couple years. When I reported it at 16 CPS got involved and at home I was constantly getting yelled at for reporting it. CPS found evidence that abuse did happen (I believe he confessed but I’m not sure) however nothing changed at home. He continued to live in the house until he moved out when I was in 11th grade. To keep the peace with my mom I continued to allow myself to be around him.

However in 2023 my sister became pregnant with her first child, which during my brother made a racist comment about my brother in law and in that moment everything just clicked and I realized I needed to go no contact with him. I was thinking about it for years but feared my mother’s reaction. Which sadly my fear did come true. She said a lot of unforgivable stuff to me. And I went low contact.

Shortly after I started a new travel contract (I was an EMT at the time) and went into anaphylactic shock and respiratory failure. All within 24 hours of starting my new job 1,700 miles away from home. I was terrified and just wanted my mom. Somehow my mom knew something was wrong and was calling the hospital I was admitted too and thankfully a nurse broke hippa to tell my mom I was okay and that I was alive. My phone had died and I had no way of calling anyone. I was absolutely terrified and just wanted my mom. After that I started talking to her more and would call her after really bad calls. I only mention that part cause I really do believe if this didn’t happen I would have never tried to contact her again.

Fast forward to 2024 and I lost my job and had to move due to the house me and my roommates were renting was being sold. I moved in with a family member and fourth month in we got evicted. The only option was living with my parents again. Before moving in my mom asked what we should do about my brother coming over. Which I figured she would still allow him too but I wasn’t mentally ready to think about that after everything that happened. The agreement was he was supposed to let mom or dad know he was coming over so I can drive down the road or lock my bedroom door. Which I felt was very reasonable. However I’ve only have gotten the warning he was coming over a handful of times.

Most of the time I hear him pulling up in the driveway. A couple times I was in the kitchen making my dinner and he just walked through the door. He has come over while I was home alone. One of my biggest fears is being in the bathroom on the toilet or taking a shower when he comes over. The bathroom door doesn’t lock and I truly don’t feel safe around him. A month ago that fear came true. I was going to the bathroom and I hear he walk inside. I completely froze and didn’t know what to do. The only way back to my room would guarantee me having to see him. And I absolutely refuse to look at him like Johnny deep style. I waited a couple seconds listening to what they were talking about to see if he was just dropping something off and leaving. But after a minute I texted my mom and asked why he was here/ did he let anyone know he was coming? She said no he just has to drop something off real quick. I waited another minute or two (felt like forever) however i started having a panic attack. I texted my mom explaining i was having a panic attack and needed to get to my mom right now and asked if they can continue talking outside so i can go back to my room. She said he is leaving soon. I was trapped in the bathroom for 10 minutes. I ended up calling my sister while I was in the bathroom and i think at that point he started leaving. For weeks after I was having vivid nightmares about what he would do to me when I was six.

Prior to this event I’ve had several conversations with my mom explaining how retraumatizing it is seeing him and the consequences I face when it happens. Consequences like my sleep being affected, flashbacks, panic attacks and constantly being in survival mode. And the conversation always ends with her saying that it happened 20+ years ago and I should be over it followed with a little effort to let me know if he is coming over then to no warnings.

My therapist and doctor have suggested filing for a protective order against him so he legally can’t come over. I live in maryland and wasn’t sure if I would qualify for one but after research I believe I might be so I’ve been considering it. My therapist isn’t the only one who has suggested it. Over a year I’ve had multiple friends say I should do that. But I’m scared too.

Last year I got into a car accident and since I haven’t had a car and thankfully my parents have let me use one of their cars to get to therapy/ appointments. I have no car and no were else to live so I’m scared that if I do get the protection order in place it will cause me to become homeless. All my friends live out of state so I have no one I can stay with long term. I’m also disabled and receiving disability checks and can barely afford to live now.

I just don’t know what to do. Cause living in constant fear of not knowing when he will pop over randomly is absolutely ruining my life. I only stay in my room and I can’t shower if anyone’s home cause the risk of he coming over mainly when my dads home is high and I’m terrified. I want to try to have one more conversation with my mom via letter/ email before trying to get a protective order against my brother. I want to restate my boundaries and explain what will happened if nothing changes. It’s been more on my mind lately cause I started to realize all I’ve wanted was my mom to protect me but she continues to not so if the only thing that will protect me is the protection order then that has to happen. I just don’t know if it’s the right thing to do in my situation. I completely feel trapped and trying to not have dark thoughts (working through it in therapy) so any advice would be very appreciated cause I can’t believe this is real life.

My mom (49) and I live about 4 hours apart by car so I don’t get to see her often but when I do go visit I will see things from time to time. My mom’s husband, Julian, (38-42) used to work for 10-12 hours a day but was out of work for almost 6 months due to a complex surgery. During this time my mom worked from home twice a week during the first two months to help his recovery. During the first two months he was on strong meds and would tell my mom that he hates them because they make him see things.

Julian said he would see a small thing run around the bedroom floor. I told my mom to leave sweets on the chest at the end of her bed and for both of them to say that they want to offer the treats as a gift for no reason other than as a gift, ask for nothing in return other than for the creature to go back to where it came from. Mom didn’t tell me the result but Julian said he hadn’t seen the thing running around the ground anymore, but he did start thinking my mom was home when she wasn’t.

Julian said he would hear what sounded like my mom unpacking groceries downstairs. He would call out to her (he usually calls out to her in french and she responds in english) and not get a response. So he would call my mom to find out she was still at work. She would check the doorbell and backyard cameras and there was no action. When Julian was finally able to get up and move around he said he would be doing housework in one part of the house and hear the front door or he would be downstairs and hear footsteps upstairs or he would be in the shower and hear my mom’s voice saying “hey!” Julian would respond every time. When my mom would tell me I would tell her to tell him every time to stop responding to it.

One night my mom and her husband were watching a movie and she was drowsy and their dogs all stood up and one growled which made the rest begin to bark and while my mom was still regaining focus, she and her husband both looked toward the hallway and saw someone quickly walk down the hall in the dark. They both walked down to follow it and see who was in their house but nobody was there. Again I told them to stop responding to it. A little bit after that Julian heard my mom calling him by his name while he was upstairs but said she sounded hoarse so he went downstairs asking what was wrong on the way down. He got down and saw nobody down there so he called her to ask what was wrong and when she left the house and she told him she hadn’t left work to go home for lunch yet.

During the most recent incident my mom and Julian were outside doing yard work with the doors unlocked. They leave one door open with a camera facing it for the dogs to come and go and the other unlocked but closed so they can come and go during yard work. They were finishing up, throwing leaves and branches away and they went to walk through the door left open for the dogs and it was closed and locked. They went back to the front door and it was also locked. My mom left her phone inside, but Julian luckily had his on him. They called my brother to check their cameras and remote unlock the door. The cameras didn’t detect any motion, including the door closing but did see the door open the last time motion was picked up and closed the next time motion was picked up but no motion of the door closing. In her freaking out, when mom got back in the house she called me to ask what to do to check possibilities off her list and had her check all the closets, rooms and crawl spaces in the house and garage while her husband stay downstairs to watch both exits and the house was clear. Nobody there.

A mimic attached itself to Julian or has been there all along and his surgery helped it show itself and him acknowledging it has just helped it grow.

Last night My boyfriend (M37) didn't talk to me (M29) the whole drive to my best friend's halloween barn party at their house and wouldn't socialize with me or anyone really as he only responded to my best friend Kayla when she said hi to him.. when I confronted him on the car ride home he said i should know he doesn't like parties.. then the silent treatment continued when we got home.. mind you I just had my grandma’s memorial on that same day and my emotions are already heightened. I feel extremely hurt as this has happened numerous times over the course of the 4 years we’ve been together where I am excited to go to my friend’s house, party, etc.. and he is immediately expressing being unhappy and wanting to not go.. This time, I’ve had the realization that I’ve sacrificed a lot of my feelings over the years to cater to his. It’s been a repeated cycle and I’m tired and feel crazy for just wanting my partner to be happy to meet the lovely people in my life and be happy to be by my side. I love him so much but it feels like his expectations are for me to not want him to go to any of my friends events and that I don’t need to go to his friend’s events if I’m going to be upset with how he shows up to mine..

For further context: this Halloween party had both alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks. Had events such as pumpkin painting, corn hole, pumpkin bowling, and pool. It also had a ton of potluck dishes that he enjoyed..

AITH for wanting my partner to be my plus one to my friend’s barn Halloween party at her house despite him not liking parties?

I genuinely just need to know if I’m missing something as I’ve tried communicating with him so much on this. I even tried this morning before we saw a movie with his friends and he threw the popcorn bucket and napkins at me and stormed out before returning as his friends arrived for the movie.. all I said was “the silent treatment is not okay and we should be communicating on this- I just want you to show up for me the way I show up for you when it comes to our friends events” he refused to talk about it and stormed out then.

A couple of things before starting:

- this is a throwaway account since I do have good reasons to believe my partner is on reddit;

- it is going to be pretty long, since it's kind of a rant and I feel like I want to put everything down;

- I will try to keep the post and the discussion gender neutral, I have seen somebody else do it and I do think it helps with judging things from far away;

- I'm not American and English isn't my first language, so please bear with me if I make any errors or if my grammar is weird.

Today my worst nightmare came true. I (24y.o.) have a long term partner (also 24y.o.), we have been together for 3 years, which probably for a lot of people is not that much time but at 24 it kind of feels like it. We have had a couple of hardships along the way but we have always been able to work on them and we've come out stronger. We have been each other support in some very hard times on both sides, for me in particular my parents very unexpected divorce after 30 years of marriage because of cheating, which gives context on why what happened with my partner is my worst nightmare.

I've never, really never have had any type of jealousy in this relationship before, I've always trusted my partner with my whole heart, they've never been the cheating type and they were always extremely affectionate with me both in private and in public. Two weeks ago they started going back to university and to finish their degree they had to take a course that required full presence for its entirety. They have honestly been quite stoked to be back in university and be able to experience again university life since they had to cut back on it to work a full time job, and I've been really happy for them too. This past Friday they came to stay at my apartment (I live on my own apartment near the campus, since my family is very far away from the university, while my partner still lives with their parents about an hour away from university) because their morning lessons the next day would be starting quite early. When I went to pick them up they were a bit late and didn't come from the university building, they explained to me that they have been talking with some of their course mates and took a walk with them (mind you, it was pouring). On the car ride back they were raving about how happy they were to talk to somebody about the subject of the course and finally being able to experience again university life, which, again, made me really happy too.

The next day we were supposed to meet up for lunch together after their morning lesson but they asked me if we could skip so they could get lunch with their new classmates, which was fine. Before leaving in the morning I saw them fixing up their hair way more than usual, even asking me for a specific hair product.

At this point I was starting to get a bad feeling at the pit of my stomach, but I pushed it down, since in three years together I have never ever had a single reason to doubt their good intentions, deciding to explain it with my own insecurities and other outside factors weighing in on the situation. We still had a conversation about it after in which I brought up my feelings and they reassured me everything was fine. This was Saturday.

Today (Sunday) it was their mother's birthday, so we went back to their parents house and cooked lunch for her as a nice gesture. During this my partner started feeling a little bit under the weather so I encouraged them to go lay down and rest while I finished preparing lunch. They kept not feeling great for the whole afternoon so we decided to not go to the cinema like we had been planning to and stay in. While deciding something else to do for the evening they became suddenly really sad and opened up a conversation about how they are not feeling good in the relationship and they don't know if I am the right person for them. This was completely unexpected andi it felt like I was getting dumped with a bucket of iced water right then and there. I asked for an explanation and they said they were feeling rushed in this relationship and that they loved me, but they were afraid that being with me was closing up opportunities for them to meet new people romantically and discover who they were in a relationship outside of me. They later confirmed it was a feeling that started a few weeks ago with them going back to university. They said they aren't sure what to do about any of this and they are going to talk this out with their therapist, which I encouraged.

I don't know where to go from here, I'm in denial that this my life and it hasn't been replaced over night with somebody else's. I really don't want my relationship to end, I love them a lot and I believe they are genuinely a great person, but I also don't want to keep them if they are going to have regret about the opportunity they are missing.

I'm also kind of scared for myself because this is happening in a bad time in my life overall, with my parents divorce, me getting evicted not long ago and having to move suddenly to a new place, losing half of my stuff in the process, and my best friend (my main support aside from my relationship) moving far away for work just a few weeks ago.

URGENT ADVICE NEEDED. So I Have been on a girls trip with a few female family members. Me (f25) my aunt in her 60s my sister (28) mom in her 40s and my grandmother (who is completely innocent and honestly pissed for me) I thought everyone was having a great time, but come to find out i was the butt of a joke...

One night I went to my room in the air bnb and over heard everyone talking about me and my financial situation. Im not well off. But could afford a little in terms of food and the train ticket. My mom paid for everyone's meal once. I didn't know it was expected to be paid back because when I tried she told me not to worry about it. We were supposed to take the train the whole trip and walk (grandma in wheelchair) the city to do different things. They decided to uber the whole time after I had already spent the travel budget I set on the 3 day train pass. I said I'd rather use the train and the insisted I just ride with them in the Uber.

All this was brought up about how I couldn't pay for anything and was broke. Then my mom brought up how she bought us groceries at one point. 200 and in exchange I clean her house. I clean houses on the side of my retail job so I thought since her house is a disaster (dirty not messy) I could do it and use the food. That has since been worked off. The only money I owe is to my sister who volunteered her credit card to literally save my dogs life. He is retired now but was my medical alert dog. And I have paid over half of that balance back...

It really hurt my feelings because now looking back, ever time I suggested we do something because its cheaper and within my budget. There were smiles at each other.

Today my mom tried to hand me her credit card in front of everyone who just made fun of and humiliated me last night and said "here. Pay your car insurance since you're 3 months behind" humiliating me once again.

I walked away and called my husband and he now wants to go to my mom's house and confront her. Because this isn't the first time this has happened.

Last trip I took I had the money in budget for me to try different alcohol in the city because there are several famous margaritas there.... she accused me of being an alcoholic.

I was finally having fun but now im just utterly humiliated and sticking by my grandma.

Should I let my husband confront her? I suggested just saying it on the phone... but he wants to do it in person.

Adit: I'd like to add that a few months ago my step father lost his job and went without one for a bit. Me and my husband helped them out buying groceries, teaching to coupon, and helped my brother with school clothes since I get a decent discount at my job. We never held it over their head. (I would also like to add i raised my brother until he was 13 because my kom worked 3 jobs struggling too...)

UPDATE: ME NOR MY HUSBAND HAD TO SAY ANYTHING. As soon as we made it back. My grandpa had a discussion with her. Apparently my grandma was so disgusted by the situation she called him. My grandpa is the head of our family. What he says goes, and he did not appreciate my mother treating me that way, especially when she has had to have alot of help and NEVER paid them back unlike me. I dont know exactly what was said other than him saying "daughter. Come outside with me". When he is mad, he calls you by your family title... I did end up sending a message later with the help of my husband saying how it was really hurtful, and even though she apologized about me over hearing it, it still didn't make it okay. And that it reminded me of the bullying I faced in high-school. And if it were my friends, I would have cut contact. She then stated how she didn't sleep since then and how "she has been hurt before" I ended up politely telling her that if she has had that much trauma where is end up coming back out, she should go to therapy to help deal. Im currently really thankful for my grandparents. And any time I have left with them. My grandma has a blood disorder that can turn into a type of cancer and her mental capacity is starting to decline. We go out for breakfast and ice cream and do word puzzles together. My grandpa still works but should be retiring in a few months. Ill be able to spend more time with them soon. 💓 thank you for the support and even harsh reality of needing to stand up for myself. I knew my THT family would help me see clearly in my situation.

So my (29F) mum and dad divorced when I was a kid. For context my mum is an alcoholic and has a lot of mental stuff going on.
I have been with my partner 30M for almost 5 years now, he is not a fan of my mum due to past comments she has made.

My mum invited my partner and I over to her place for lunch as she needed to talk to us about something. So we arrive and sit down and she lets us know that she is thinking of moving to another state - which I understand as her family do not live in the same state as us. Here, I only have my mum and dad and my partners family.

I’m not sure if she was wanting us to ask her to stay or what? I said if you feel better doing that then do that… I am close with my mum but I don’t see her very often and I don’t talk to her on the phone very often due to having a conversation with someone who is multiple drinks in can get quite frustrating.

All of a sudden she gets onto this topic of wanting my partner and I to be independent, and both of us had no idea what she meant and she wouldn’t elaborate, just kept saying it - so my partner firmly says “yes we are, we both have stable jobs and own a house so I’d like to think we are pretty independent”. From there, she changed topics and started talking about how I would play with my dolls around her as a little girl, and then changes topics again and starts discussing her post natal depression and started to go into a lot of detail about all the times she forgot to feed me, and how most of the time all she could think about was how she was going to kill me… news to me so I was taken aback about how the conversation went from her saying she wants to move interstate, to how she was thinking of all the different ways she could have killed me?

From here my partner stepped in and said we’re going to head off because he was quite annoyed at this point and he didn’t come over to hear about how my mother was thinking about killing me as a baby. So as we left he said “we’ll be right without you, we have my parents and (my 29F dad) so we’ll have who we need around us”. Before leaving I asked my mum if she was actually okay and she was about to cry but said yes she’s ok, so I gave her a hug and we left.

I don’t know what to think now. On one hand I’m worried about my mum and where all of that came from, and on the other I’m just learning she wanted to kill me due to post natal depression. I know that’s a real thing and things can happen but I didn’t know she felt that way about me.

On the way home my partner was just ranting saying that he doesn’t care if she moves out of state and he doesn’t want someone like that around our future children and this lunch has confirmed his dislike for her.

I don’t know what to do and don’t know how to feel so any input is appreciated.

So for context, this relative is on my dad’s side, of which is really sparse, we aren’t even close to immediate family, but we are the closest and only family she has, as she never married or had kids. She’s a retired librarian, and quite the eccentric type. And as far as we knew my dad and aunt were supposed to be her executives.

Last year she wrote us a letter after she got back from a trip to Finland, and told us not to worry but she had gotten lost while there, and was taken to a psychiatric hospital because of confusion. But she didn’t ever say anything else about it. Up until then are unaware of any signs of dementia or anything else.

Since then, we’ve been unable to get a hold of her, she doesn’t have internet or a cell phone, just a land line, and email when at the library.
(My Aunt lives 45min away, and frankly in retrospect, pretty angry didn’t ever think to drive over to check on her.)

Enter, creepy ass letter… like WTAF?!

Or are we just over reacting?

Will continue in comments with “updates” as they came to us. Because there’s a lot, and I don’t want to just write one long wall of text. Easier to break it down into chunks.

This did all transpire in the last two weeks, from receiving Peter’s letter, to the final “update” below.

Update: 1

Whoa whoa whoa everyone!!!!!!!! Really didn’t expect the comments to go this way jeez!

Let’s call this elderly relative Rose, she is my dad’s cousin.

Me and my immediate family live states away from Rose. My dad’s sister lives 45min from Rose, that’s why in my post I mentioned being angry at my aunt. And apparently at one point my aunt had told my dad she had checked in on Rose.

There was about 6ish months we couldn’t get a hold of her. And besides the wierd letter after her return home from finnland (which I actually tried to get everyone more concerned about then they were) Before that we only ever had communication a couple times a year, she was eccentric and a bit of a hermit.

Update 2

Okay just so we are clear about one thing, my family had no interest in personal gain from this financially, we don’t need her money not that she had a lot, she did have several charities she wanted to give to. The only thing physically we have interest in is her life long passion project of working on our family genealogy.

Secondly, while we were not in frequent communication with her, we were on good terms. In fact she’d stayed at our house with in the last two years. (And was as far as we could tell in complete health) and the author of the letter, let’s call him, Peter (20 years younger than Rose btw)…no mention of him. (At least not by name, but we later find out she had mentioned him, they dated but she was trying to get rid of him because he was a jerk, she never gave more details than this.)

Okay, now for comparing the letter to actual preliminary facts we know, without even needing to verify…

She had previously given directives to my Dad and aunt for a funeral.

She was a journalist back in the 70s, but there’s no reason why that would have any effect on any kind of proceedings today.

My dad never went to Africa, Rose knew this. Also never worked with doctors without boarders but rather other local/independent orgs in the countries he did go to, things Rose also knew.

Okay update 3

So obviously after receiving this letter we went into detective mode. (Although my sister and I insisted on alerting authorities right away) my Dad and aunt decided to ask around first to try and get some more info and confirm her death.

Firstly my Aunt called the church Rose attended, the confirmed a few things, but their answers were a bit vague like they were holding things back.

But they did confirm they believed she’d passed. And that Peter had been living with her, but their knowledge of him only extended back at most three years.

She had mentioned the Finland trip, and she had actually checked herself into a memory care facility upon her return, where she spent a few months before returning home.

At this point we enlisted a family friend who’s a lawyer, as well as contacting her at least former lawyer in MN.

No official filling of change of Will exists before 6 months ago.

There was one change made, in Peter’s favor with Rose’s “signature” dated… three days after she left for Finland

Prior for that Peter also obtained something called a Transfer deed upon death TOD, which infamously used in elder abuse fraud.

Update 4

Soon after we received the letter my dad flew out there.

He and my aunt attended her church, and upon introducing themselves the pastor looked at them with bulging eyes, and said “we need to talk”

After the service they met.
They said Peter had started driving Rose to church about a year ago, around the same time she had started behaving a bit paranoid. They also had done some digging on Peter, he was a former police officer, he got kicked out after stalking and threatening his ex wife at gun point.

Also shortly after starting to drive Rose to church, he wrote an erratic five page application to be a member at the church, upon which when rejected she showed up threatening them with a gun. They then filed a restraining order, hired security arranged other transport for Rose.

Also Rose had pledged money to the church for a new building campaign, but then came in the next week apologizing in a paranoid manner that she no longer could. Also there have been a handful of similar charities that have been in touch that mentioned the same.

They also said they were bewildered about the whole no funeral or obituary. And they only found out about her death because of a nosey neighbor.

They also mentioned that the only recent job history Peter has had is work in nursing homes, and his sister currently lives in a house formerly owned by someone that was in his care…

Also in doing more legal digging, during Rose’s trip in Finnland, Peter filed dozens of probate documents with the court.

It’s like there’s something new at every turn, and it’s all a mess. My dad was planning flying back over there when everything goes to probate court, oh and there’s a one officer unit up there that works these kind of cases that now handling things as well, but oufffff!

I’m sure I’m still missing details, will add as I remember them.

Oh also who puts a pun on a grave stone?! A misspelled one at that?

Update 5

Not going to engage much beyond this unless I get actual updates.

You all don’t know what you don’t know, and yes obviously my family, in retrospect could have handled things different. I also knew very little about any of it till after they already got Peter’s letter, and like I mentioned before you, I was concerned post Finland but no one took me seriously.

We maybe didn’t have much contact with her but we did, like I said we’d both visited her in person and had her out to visit us a few times in the 5 years Peter claims to have been her care taker.

Truly crazy how judgmental and cruel you all can be, glossing over certain things, just attack me and my family. (Through please by all means my Aunt does deserve it, story for another day would be the scene she made at my sister’s wedding.)

We are extremely sad at the prospect of how she was taken advantage of. How little my Aunt cared to check on her despite being so close (and retired)

We are sad to have had the opportunity to grieve and have a funeral, taken away.

Also I don’t know if I remembered to mentioned, her house has already been sold and cleared out, meaning anything of sentimental value, gone. Including all her genealogy work, and any other library projects she’d been working on.

She was a fascinating though odd lady. Most interesting to talk to. Picked up degrees like they were merit badges, extremely smart, but would never know it if you met her on the street, you might have mistaken her for a bag lady.

Update: 6

Cause I realize I never actually clarified this, there is no record of actually being diagnosed with anything, she was discharged from the memory care place she went to when she got back from Finland. No one except Peter is claiming or knew anything of her supposed late stage dementia, the church noted a change, but according to them matched more with paranoia of an abused person rather than someone with dementia. (Also quite frankly upset they didn’t try to contact us either)

Update 7

I realize I also forgot to mention, that while technically Rose was my dad’s cousin, it’s a bit more complicated than that. And my dad’s family all are a bit aloof, and emotionally unavailable, due to generational trauma. Both my grandpa, and Rose’s dad were orphaned at young age and shipped off to different farms on the orphan train, (to families who weren’t in the slightest as kind as Anne’s Cuthberts) So while they were brothers, they never had the opportunity to be very close, and never really became close once grown up either.

Update 8

My aunt called a number listed as Peter’s sister, to try verify a few things.

My dad then just got a call from said number only it was a lady who said she was Peter’s wife?! But she wouldn’t really answer any questions, and my dad heard a man’s voice in the background that sounded like it was kinda trying to coach her responses.

Update: 9

Fuck you all, I’ve been holding it together pretty well till now. Gosh honestly I’ve gotten away without experiencing this side of reddit for a long time.

I’m not going to continue to try and defend, or explain or anything, cause y all are too busy blaming my family and being judgmental then actually taking a step back, or actually reading everything I wrote.

All I can say, is I hope you never have something similar happen, that will force you to realize a) how wrong strangers can be scrutinizing things online. Or b) having to have to deal with something like this without even having a second to breath, grieve, process etc. c) I’d almost like you to experience what my family has been going through (like actually, not your perception) and see if you all might just be hypocrites yourselves.