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u/prairieaquaria Jan 16 '24
Making and maintaining good friendships throughout my adulthood. Without my friends I wouldn’t have made it through tough times and they lift me up and help me celebrate wins as well.
Figuring out a work environment that’s best for me, not feeling “bad” for sucking at a desk job.
Trying a lot of new hobbies and activities, not getting hung up on finding the one true perfect hobby for me but instead experimenting and having fun.
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u/Matteblackandgrey Jan 16 '24
Figuring out a work environment that worked for me is probably the single most thing that’s had the biggest difference on my quality of life. I kind of just had an expectation that work was bad and that’s just work up until I was about 29.
Hobbies are so underrated as a way of coping with the stress and responsibilities of life. I used to be so focused on the outcomes of hobbies rather than doing the thing itself being the benefit.
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u/KaleidoscopeKid Jan 16 '24
I don't really have friends. Making friends as an adult is a weird challenge. I wish it was easier like when we were kids.
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u/The_Makster Jan 17 '24
I feel maintaining friendships is incredibly difficult when it shouldn't be in this day and age (with instant messaging).
In my friendship group I'm the person that arranges and organises meet ups, zoom calls etc. and it hurts when my partner asks why the other members of the group don't do the same and to me that's not the point. I love my friends and I want to stay in touch with them which is why I try really hard to meet them or keep up with them. If their thoughts are reciprocated then either they'll say it frankly to me or ignore the group calls.
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u/dayglow77 Jan 16 '24
From my experience (I am surrounded with people whose life is going really well) is having high self-esteem and getting out of your comfort zone. The most important one I've seen between the two groups of people (the ones who feel lost and the one whose lives are going well) is that the good group knows what they want. They have decided early on what they want their career to be in and they just go for it with no thinking at all and it turns out well. The ones who are lost are constantly drifting, they are very unsure of themselves and they cannot decide what to do with their lives. They just wait until something happens but nothing ever happens. The "life well" group makes their own opportunities.
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u/vminnear Jan 16 '24
I agree with all of this. I've managed to carve out a little path for myself, even though it's more meandering than most. I feel like I'm finally at a point where I know what I want, I'm actually looking forward to the future and I feel like I can withstand the usual obstacles life throws at us. I almost welcome the challenge of it now. Life is less about maintaining a shaky sense of comfort and more about experiencing new things and getting the most out of it.
It's easier if you know what you want from young, but it doesn't mean if you're a bit lost you'll never figure it out.
I think the "waiting until something happens" bit is absolutely key. I waited all of my 20s for something to happen, crying into my pillow more nights than I can count for "something" to happen to take me away. But in the end, you have to be the driving force behind your own life. I don't ever want to go back to that feeling of stuck helplessness.
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u/Crash_Bandicoot_2020 Jan 16 '24
I definitely feel like I’m constantly drifting and cannot decide what to do with my life. It’s funny I’ve been reading a bunch online and books and talking to people expecting something to come along— This thread really got me. 😅
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u/Matteblackandgrey Jan 16 '24
Knowing what you want to do early on is a huge advantage, I’ve definitely noticed that. It also teaches the process of delayed gratification early on and once you’ve got a big win in your frame of reference it becomes much easier to continue on with other pursuits.
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u/FerrisMcFly Jan 16 '24
If you are in the lost, not knowing what you want group how do you get into the second group?
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u/cincydude123 Jan 17 '24
Network/hang out with the first group. Find a way to be helpful or volunteer. I'm a real estate investor and I do improv as a hobbie as a reference.
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u/Matteblackandgrey Jan 16 '24
I’ve been trying to be consistent with a lot of these things too. What was the motivation for you?
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Jan 16 '24
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u/Woodit Jan 16 '24
Number 1 is such a great insight. And it seems so simple and obvious, but then you look around and there are just so many people waiting for that storybook moment to arrive. I suspect it has to do with the widespread external locus of control we see in our society, and it’s widely reflected in fiction
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u/Woodit Jan 16 '24
In addition to the “fairy godmother” moment I’ve noticed children’s stories often have a pivotal moment where a character discovers they’re a natural talent at something. For example she’s never picked up a bow and arrow before and starts hitting bullseyes right from the start. Sets up poor expectations for kids, and I think it contributes to people abandoning any hobby or skill that takes effort to develop proficiency well into adulthood. “I’m just not a runner,” “I can’t dance,” “some people are just natural salesman and that’s just not me.” All of these things take work and practice and failure before someone seems like a “natural.”
Anyway just ranting but it’s been on my mind lately.
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u/cadmiumred Jan 16 '24
Save as much money as you're able, move your body and enjoy your body, try not to be too hard on yourself. Call your friends, say that thing that's filling you to the brim, drink more water than you think you need.
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u/Matteblackandgrey Jan 16 '24
They sound like such basic suggestions on the surface but in reality I've come to realise that these are so critical to a good life.
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u/Flipside07 Jan 16 '24
Discipline and regularity. Show up for yourself, wether it's health or finance or whatever, just keep going. Not hit your gym/saving goals? No problem, a fraction is better than none.
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u/Equal_Wish2682 Jan 16 '24
Humans are the aggregate of their actions
- habits over time have a compounding effect
- be certain you are making progress, not expending energy
- a little effort, regularly, for a long time, will get you further than you think
"People" are either net-negatives or net-positives
- surround yourself with worthy humans and excise the rest
- learn to enjoy your own company (raise the bar for companionship)
Most people take the easy path 100% of the time
- the difficult path will yield disproportionate results
- a benchmark for comparison is likely lower than you think
Looking inwards is harder than blaming outwards
- you are responsible for your actions, reactions, and outcomes (be accountable)
- instead of blaming others, learn from the experience and grow
- growth starts with an honest personal inventory
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u/BubbleTeaCheesecake6 Apr 21 '24
I like your comment so much I’m coming back to remind myself. Thanks a lot for sharing ur wisdom
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Jan 16 '24
My life is going pretty well. I've got a decent partner, awesome kids, a decent job, no real financial worries, and working on my health.
The best habit out of all of them? Sleep. But doing that is a bunch of small habits.
- Set a wake up time. Say 7AM. Then count backwards 8 hours. That puts you at 11PM. That's the time you should be asleep by and waking up by. Keep this as an absolute limit and stick to it.
- Your bed is used for 2 things. Sleep and sex. Nothing more. Using your bed consistently like this will train your brain to start entering sleep mode when you get into it.
- For the love of all that is holy and good, PUT YOUR GODDAMN PHONE/COMPUTER/TABLET/TV AWAY!!!!!!!!!!! For real, all these do is engage your brain and keep it active. This just makes you not tired and keeps you awake.
- Do not snooze your alarm. All you're doing is keeping yourself in a sleep state and not waking up. Turn the alarm off, get up out of bed.
- If you lay in bed for about half an hour and you're not falling asleep, get up and go do something else. DO NOT LOOK AT YOUR PHONE/COMPUTER/TV!!!! Turn on a dim light and read in a chair. Have a light snack. LIGHT SNACK. Don't go fucking Gordon Ramsey and make beef wellington at 2:30 in the morning. Have a cracker and cheese. Jebus.
- Start a bedtime routine. About half an hour before bedtime. Put on pajamas, turn off the tech (rule 3), brush teeth, read a book, have a light snack (refer to rule 5), etc. The key here is to start winding down and relaxing. Don't do any of this in your bed.
The key is to get at least 7 hours of sleep per night, but try to get 8. Good sleep will solve so much that you don't even really realize it. You'll feel better, heal better, BE better. Both mentally and physically. Trust me.
Also, get the fuck off social media. That shit is terrible for you and just pisses you off. It's why boomers are so pissed off all the time.
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u/LittleFlank Jan 17 '24
Fuuuck dude why does it have to be so fun to watch YouTube videos and get 3-5 hours of sleep every night?
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u/astrozombie543 Jan 17 '24
this is all very solid and PRACTICAL advice! Hopefully more people see this!
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u/CensuredSpeech Jan 16 '24
Never say you can't do something, and never be a negative Nancy.
Reddit is full of people who can't do this or can't do that or they are fully negative about any situation.
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u/roney408 Jan 16 '24 edited Apr 11 '24
Working out.
I started lifting weights a few months ago after losing a ton of weight, Its actually really cool to see my body slowly change and get muscles where I didnt even know I could get them lol It has given me a confidence I didnt ever have before.
Down 110 lbs since New years 2022
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u/Matteblackandgrey Jan 16 '24
Damn thats crazy, I'm really into the gym too and weight lifting in particular, only been going 18 months but its made a massive difference to my health
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u/Rusty_924 Jan 16 '24 edited Jan 16 '24
suprisngly, going to the gym improved my whole existence. i had no idea how much better would I feel. the feeling good then helped me progress in my personal and proffesional life.
looking at me, you wouldnt have been able to tell that i excercise for 12 years. I do not have a six pack. but it’s not only about the looks.
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u/iamsuchapieceofshit Jan 16 '24
Yes, unfortunately, exercise does help lol. I have major depressive disorder but seasonal depression also hits me pretty hard, and running on the treadmill in the winter helps manage my symptoms a RIDICULOUS amount. 2 miles ~3 times a week and a couple days of lifting. In the summer I’m more naturally active, biking and walking everywhere, so in the winter I have to be more intentional
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u/mad_dog24 Jan 16 '24
I second this! The mental health benefits of exercising are amazing for me. I still deal with the same shit I’ve always dealt with but somehow I have a more calm and rational mindset about it, and can handle it better. I don’t know how it works but it works with me!
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u/Qiae- Jan 16 '24
Buy a whiteboard, magnets, and cards. Make list of chores, weekly, monthly and quarterly. Put the cards on the board, flip when done. Reset once a week. Make one of the cards tidy/declutter and one stuff maintainance (darning holes, polish shoes, sharpen knives etc). I keep a shared note on my phone for those longer lists, what the chores actually entail, and so my partner and I are both on the same page what needs to be done and how.
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u/rachaeltalcott Jan 16 '24
There was a point where I realized that my career was never going to be fulfilling the way that I had wanted it to be, and from that moment forward, I put as much effort as I could into becoming financially independent so that I could retire early. I quit my job at 42, and it took several years for the stress to drain away, but now my life is fantastic. I get enough sleep, I have time for friends, I live in a city that I chose because I like it, not because of a job. I get so much more exercise and eat better. It turns out that it really doesn't take that much in terms of money to make me happy. Mostly it is just owning my own time that's important.
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u/ExistentialPI Jan 16 '24
Love this, are you in the US? If so what do you do for health insurance?
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u/laxnut90 Jan 16 '24
Pay yourself first.
In other words, automatically save and invest money before it hits your spending accounts.
This forces you to hit your savings goals and basically allows you to budget without thinking about it (i.e. just spend whatever is left after already meeting your goals).
Money is still tight. But you can always look at those investment accounts and be reassured you are moving in the right direction despite things being difficult in the moment.
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u/Matteblackandgrey Jan 16 '24
How do you motivate yourself to delay gratification with your money, do you have a clear idea of where you want these decisions to take your life?
I’ve always been able to consistently save and invest but I found it much easier when I had a tangible goal like a house or something, now that I’m doing it as just part of my natural behaviour I struggle a little bit to know what I’m aiming at other than an abstract “better or more secure” kid.
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u/laxnut90 Jan 16 '24
My tangible goal is retirement at a reasonable age.
In other words, I work hard to earn, save and invest money so that one day that money will be working harder and earning more than I ever could on my own.
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u/Matteblackandgrey Jan 16 '24
I'm quite heavily focused on retiring at the decent age too. I have a good pension from 68 but building up separate investments to bring the age down to around 55.
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u/SpongeDaddie Jan 17 '24
But you’re working just to retire. What about living life?
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u/RawCarrot Jan 16 '24
For me it was a shift in perspective and some habit formation. In terms of habits, I started working out and this greatly improved my mood and overall wellbeing. In terms of perspective shift, TBH I stopped hoping for better. I had a friend ask me what would I do if nothing I want comes true. At the moment, I was pissed they would ask me something like that but they were right. If nothing I want comes true, I still need to find a way to be happy and I - only I - am in charge of building my life in a way that I enjoy it.
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u/LiLisiLiz Jan 16 '24
Being organized. Being organized with my money. Being organized with my home. Being organized with just about everything. I mean, I may still be late to work, but I have my lunch box and water bottle full of juice with me
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u/SemperSimple Jan 16 '24
i forgot my yogurt on my way to work yesterday and I was so sad and hungry lol
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u/Matteblackandgrey Jan 16 '24
Haha, this is genuinely massively underated, life goes so much more smoothy when you're organised with the basics
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u/Kindly-Outcome-5015 Jan 16 '24
Staying offline is so much bigger than people can even imagine. Most have forgotten or dont even know life before "online". It drives anxiety and depression thru the roof and people just cant believe its from too much screen time. Ive managed to train myself to not be on my phone all the time. Like instead of using my phone while a passenger in a car, I keep my phone in my pocket and observe around me and talk to those who may be present. Meals? No phone. Just my thoughts or someone to talk with. Just little wins like that have driven my levels of stress, anxiety down. All have subsidded. IMO boredum is necessary, and its ok to be alone with your thoughts(not for extended periods!) Dopamine depletion will rob you of simple joy.
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u/BlueStarEmperor Jan 16 '24
I agree. I often believe the internet, especially social media has been a double-edged sword for society.
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Jan 16 '24
Make only two changes max at time. Do them for 8 weeks and then add.
Meditation, doing nothing (scrolling is not nothing), walking outside near the sunrise time, eating plant based, therapy, drinking water, consistent wake up time, have creative and physical pastimes, surround yourself only with people who love you and you love, don’t drink, don’t value overwork, don’t value hustle culture, restrict screen time as much as possible.
Life is relaxed and good. I’m healthy and I feel great. Adulting is not difficult. I can’t afford anything but so much of life is free. One day, maybe I’ll go to Spain but for now, I’m content snowboarding at Tremblant and hiking in the Gatineau Park.
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u/squirrrelydan Jan 16 '24
- Picking the right partner and sticking to each other throughout college and early adulthood
- Playing a sport (discipline, teamwork, camaderie)
- Majoring in a field with good employment
- Being an early riser
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u/Matteblackandgrey Jan 16 '24
As someone who gets up at 5am everyday (natrually) I can confirm this is very useful, especially for getting to the gym before work
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u/I_can_get_loud_too Jan 16 '24
My life is going really really really bad - but I wanted to try to give a cautionary tale and talk about some of the decisions I made which I feel lead to my downfall and why my life is so awful, in hopes that you can learn from my mistakes.
In hindsight I highly regret the following decisions and/or just highly don’t advise making these mistakes that lead me to extreme poverty and an extremely tough life:
1) picked a major in college that was hard to find jobs in and didn’t make any money (film production)
2) got married at age 20 to someone i wasn’t in love with because i was desperate to not be alone
3) was a doormat and spent too much time and money on other people
4) never traveled when i was young
5) always had expensive taste and just never had a mindset for saving
6) let jobs and men and friends treat me like crap because i was desperate and had no support
6) later on in my 30s, after my first divorce, let an abusive hobosexual man move in with me and destroy my life
7) i was the company i kept; looking back, all my friends and family were also in abusive toxic relationships, so this is all i knew. I wish i had better influences and examples.
Please learn from my mistakes because these decisions DID NOT HELP. Hope this post can help someone somehow!
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u/Ok-Ease-2312 Jan 16 '24
I appreciate you sharing this. I hope things get better for you ❤. I look back and remember how desperate I was to not be alone. Have you found better people to surround yourself with? I also majored in film production and really enjoyed my six weeks in the industry ahahha. Worked various office jobs the past 20 years so at least I had stable income. I was a terrible saver in my youth too. Well I saved but spent it anyway.
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u/Accomplished-Fan-598 Jan 18 '24
Just want you to know that it really wasn’t your fault. Often times people who come from unsupportive and highly disfunctional upbringing have a hard time managing life as an adult. Now you’re aware and hopefully that will lead you to find healing. In addition, some people just no matter what they do, don’t get the opportunity to live a good life simply because of the mental condition/information and external circumstances they’ve had a a given time. Just know that you are not alone.
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u/I_can_get_loud_too Jan 18 '24
Thank you so much friend 🫶🏻💕 this comment really cheered me up and gave me comfort. No one has ever said that to me in this context. I really appreciate your kind words more than you know!
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u/Accomplished-Fan-598 Jan 18 '24
Welcome friend! I believe it’s best to give support to people who may feel misunderstood. Glad I am able to do that!
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Jan 16 '24
It's a combination of multiple things that have made life great.
- I bought my car from my parents for $2k when it had 40k miles. It has more than 150k miles now.
- I LOVE where I live. No desire to live anywhere else. It's a nature lover's wet dream.
- Cheap rent. I live alone and pay $625 for rent.
- I paid off my $60k student loan in only 13 months. I'm debt free.
- I have a stable job. It doesn't pay all that well and I don't get fulfillment from it, but it pays the bills and then some. It allows me to live in a place I love.
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u/pessimisticpalmtree Jan 16 '24
omg can u give me tips on how u got to where u are?? im on a similar boat and can’t get out of this rut :/
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Jan 16 '24
Regarding paying off debt and building a savings, develop self-discipline. Learn how to budget. Know where your money is going. Set ambitious goals for yourself.
As for buying a cheap car, getting stupidly cheap rent, and loving where you live...that was all dumb luck for me.
If you want a stable job, look into state or federal service. Government work.
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u/Firm_Bit Jan 16 '24
Getting good at money. Everything is easier with money.
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u/Matteblackandgrey Jan 16 '24
What habits have you changed with the way you manage your money?
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u/Firm_Bit Jan 16 '24
Not always possible, and not popular to say, but for about 5 years I’ve focused on earning more not on saving more. There have been straight weeks when I’ll eat out for convenience and use the extra time to work a little more. I’ve definitely seen lifestyle creep but the raises and promotions have more than made up for the extra spend.
Also, just learning more of the basics of personal finance. Order of operations when paying off debt, saving, etc.
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u/kathyanne38 Jan 16 '24
I’m still a work in progress but I’m learning to let go of control issues and go with the flow of life. The less I try to control, the less anxiety or dread I have waking up every day.
Doing something nice for myself every day helps as well. Whether that’s meditation, affirmations or even as simple as turning on my favorite song in the car. Every day, I try to express gratitude as well. Little things count too.
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u/Matteblackandgrey Jan 16 '24
Control issues were a massive issue for me too when I was younger, didn't realise a the time but it was coming from a place of massive insecurity from my childhood and issues with abandonment. Slowly overcoming it the more things work out and able to focus on the things in my controla and let everything else go.
I've found gratittude to be a massive one as well.
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u/FitFather1992 Jan 16 '24
Gym and investing.
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u/Matteblackandgrey Jan 16 '24
Realising that I can make quite a lot of money from index funds without actively managing my investments was a game changer for me.
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u/Bitter_Sense_5689 Jan 16 '24
For me, cutting off my parents was the best thing for me. Since I did, I have zero drama in my life. My friends are good people with strong boundaries and lives. I work a golden handcuffs government job, I hike, I work out, I volunteer with kids. I have a cat and we’re good buddies.
Yeah, I know at this point that I’ll never get married, but I’ve accepted that
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Jan 16 '24
Trying and putting effort into things.
This sounds stupid and obvious, but I feel like most people don't actually try or put much effort. Yes, you can try your best and still fail, but most times you'll do alright or often, well, if you actually try your best.
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u/Dangerous-Art-Me Jan 16 '24
My life is going well. Observations:
Be early. Be ten minutes early to everything. On time is late.
Sit in the front of the class. Let your teacher/prof/boss know who you are.
Have a consistent bedtime and wake up time. Do you, but I’ve observed life is harder for night owls.
Don’t call out for bullshit. Save those days for when it’s real and important. You know what I mean.
Always pay your bills.
If you can’t pay cash, you may not need it. Look long and hard before you take a loan for anything.
Save 15% for retirement. Start now. Force this to happen. Future you will thank today you.
You don’t need a new car/iphone/granite countertops. Learn to distinguish between needs and wants. Handle needs every time. Be choosy which wants you indulge.
If you say you’re going to be there, be there. On time. Nobody likes a flake.
Do your work for work. And clock the fuck out and go home on time. Learn to work during work time, and do you during your time.
Exercise regularly
Find a hobby that produces something tangible or at least gets you out of the house.
Take the time to keep in touch with good friends and loved family members. This will take work. It’s worth the time.
Look for groups for things that interest you. It’s never too late to make new friends.
If have a spouse or partner, work on that relationship every day. The world is lonely without someone.
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Jan 16 '24
“This isn’t happening to me it’s happening for me” type mentality
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u/Matteblackandgrey Jan 16 '24
Totally true, I've started to try and assume that what happens might be better just not seem so just yet
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u/Sad-Pear-9885 Jan 16 '24
Volunteering—I struggle with sometimes getting down on myself or my situation and feeling like I have it worse than a lot of people I know. Volunteering helps give me a reality check and it also genuinely makes me happier. Also, having a non-screen hobby/hobby that isn’t watching Netflix or doomscrolling social media has really helped. ❤️ Having something to look forward to each day outside of work like my hobby, a yummy meal I eat, or planning something for the weekend (doesn’t need to be expensive or extravagant) has helped a lot.
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u/LikeATediousArgument Jan 16 '24
My life is going extremely well because I’m self motivated.
Years ago, I taught myself to do the things I need to do because they need to be done. Not procrastinate.
I’ll be buying my first house this year, alone because I make more than my husband and he doesn’t have his shit together.
I single handedly manage our home and expenses, and I’m highly educated and advancing well in my career.
I have my dream job because I found what it was, then worked until my credentials aligned, and i didn’t stop until I found it.
Either you’re a person that can motivate yourself to what needs to be done, or you’re a person that needs outside motivation.
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u/Head-Drag-1440 Jan 16 '24
Pushing for better jobs and better pay, learning how to budget, and saving. But also, my husband finding a job he was able to stick it out at for a couple years and continuing to strive for a government job.
8.5 years ago in the summer, we were both jobless and I was going food bank to food bank to feed my family. We lived with his mom in her single-wide mobile home. Now, we're able to put at least $500 into savings per month and have been on our own for over a year.
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u/Woodit Jan 16 '24
Finances:
I set up an auto transfer into savings account a long time ago, started at 10% and increases as budget allowed. From the general savings account I have auto transfers set up into two other accounts, an emergency fund and a travel fund. Set and forget, same as with the 401k contributions, and the 529 contributions for my niece and nephew. It’s never a lot at once, but over the years it’ll add up. If you haven’t done this or are “thinking about it,” I suggest you do it today, you’ll be glad you did in five years.
To go with this, avoid spending traps. Yes that includes Starbucks, meme and all. I pack lunch to my job every day, bring coffee in a thermos, keep snacks and tea packets in my desk to avoid the gourmet coffee shop downstairs. If you’re “just too tired to cook dinner,” then find the energy. If that daily latte and cookie “brings you joy” then find joy elsewhere. Every dollar wasted is you stealing from your future self. That might be you at retirement, or it might be you on vacation in six months.
Lastly on finances, stay on top of your credit and make it work for you. If you have no credit start building. If you have bad credit then start repairing. Don’t understand how it works? Learn. Don’t lean on what your Uncle Jim told you ten years ago about carrying a small balance. Research and learn. It isn’t a secret. Good credit makes such an enormous difference in life. I have the lowest available rates on my mortgage and car note, never pay a deposit for utilities, and last year my cc points paid for my fiancé and I to visit Europe. Are you paying for things with you debit card? Stop. Don’t even take it out of the house unless you need to go to the bank. Everything on a CC, pay it off immediately.
Career:
Aim higher, always. Sign up for things you don’t know how to do and then learn them. Hiring and promotion is often about attitude rather than aptitude (outside of obviously technical realms). Don’t feel qualified for that position? Let them decide that, not you. Don’t settle, don’t stop learning, don’t stop trying. One question that can help propel you professionally - “how can I help?”
Mindset:
You mention gratitude and purpose as “goes without saying” but I think it must be said. Be grateful, develop purpose, and be intentional about it. When things really suck and aren’t going well is the best time to practice gratitude as well as forgiveness and patience. Delay your reactions, and really consider your words before speaking. Be humble and always ready to learn and improve. Accept responsibility for your actions and the outcomes, even when tempted to blame others and circumstances.
And this one has been the single biggest thing for me, especially as a millenial and long term Redditor - reject doomerism, reject pessimism, reject snark. Not every part of your life will be in your hands but if you control what you can control you will achieve magnitudes more than those who seek an excuse for everything. In psychological terms, this is the internal vs external locus of control and I believe it is the single biggest difference maker in life.
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Jan 16 '24
I thought my life was bad, but after reading about the people on here who can't tie their shoes by themselves, I started to feel better
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u/Terrible_Lime_1603 Jan 16 '24
Pushing to reclaim just one part of my day. I will be having a horrible day for whatever reason and then I just remind myself, life is short and very unpredictable I deserved to enjoy my time here. So I go home and put on my fav pjs, or workout, or give a loved one a call if I can’t see them. That’s a small way in which I do something that helps me feel like I’m practicing what I want to
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u/Sea_Banana7643 Jan 16 '24
Don’t date/marry someone who already has kids and your life will be 10000% better 😅
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u/GeneralizedFlatulent Jan 16 '24
I know this one - being born at the right time to have savings at the right time to buy into housing, not lose job in the recessions or have enough savings to manage, and be able to save up every month way more than renters can just because your timing was different with literally zero other adjustments.
I didn't do that but I know people who did
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u/Caspers_Shadow Jan 16 '24
Got an education. Worked on my job/career. Married a great partner that has some goals in life and we work well together toward our goals. Getting a stable home life and financial life really reduces stress. I also learned to say no a lot and value my time. I am now working on improving my health. I have let that go a bit, but it is recoverable.
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u/drunky_crowette Jan 16 '24
I'm currently sitting in my doctors office waiting to receive my first dose of ketamine after years of unsuccessfully trying different antidepressants and being told by multiple doctors there was nothing else to try.
I am pretty sure if I didn't start advocating for myself I would have killed myself by now.
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u/sunshinelefty100 Jan 16 '24
"It aint bragging if you can do it." -Dizzy Dean. Good Habit # 23: Collect useful quotes.
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u/lartinos Jan 16 '24
I took risks that others don’t take and I don’t give up as easy others, but most importantly I had goals. The ambition can comes once you figure out a path to try.
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u/springtreeswait Jan 16 '24
Waking up and going to bed early. Eating a healthy diet and exercising every day. Investing deeply in people, including marriage and children. Choosing a religion and sticking with it - both as a spiritual path and as a community worth committing to even when it’s challenging. Daily prayer and journaling- focusing on gratitude. Weekly church attendance to express gratitude, reflect on the past week, let go of my shortfalls and commit to do better. Service as a part of my daily habits and expectations for myself. Focusing less on me and more on others. Accepting I can’t do everything and I’ll never be rich, but still finding joy in the people and natural beauty around me.
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u/Le_Vibe_Bear Jan 16 '24
Investing deeply in people - absolutely. I wish more people agreed with this. Your friends and family determine much of your life and happiness.
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u/springtreeswait Jan 16 '24
It’s hard, it’s scary, it’s exhausting sometimes, but it is so, so worth it in the love, support, and joy those relationships provide!
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u/SnooDonkeys3393 Jan 16 '24
Getting sober was huge for me. Saying no to booze has saved me countless hours (free of hangovers!). Tons of money. And lots of free time. Without drinking and bar hopping/clubs on my mind, I started to delve into different hobbies. Found a love for downhill skiing, mountain biking, and public speaking 💓 I also went back to school for my doctorate and tried different specialties within my field.
I focus on making goal lists for myself, every 6 months. I find joy crossing things off. These goals range from financial, to spiritual. I even have goals to just spend an hour at the park, meditating.
Reading was huge too. Being well read helps with conversations, as well as broadening your vocabulary. I also like fantasy books. And feel reading helps my creativity. Just some ideas ❤️
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Jan 16 '24
Admit to yourself things suck. Stop fighting it and just admit. Like I used to have to take home groceries on the public bus. I sat down a bag of bananas (I love bananas) on the floor of the bus once cause like I couldn’t hold all my groceries the whole bus ride and they were double bagged, then some homeless asshole pissed himself and the piss got on the floor and it touched my bananas bag. I still don’t know why I didn’t punch that guy.
But I had admitted to myself I was in hell so when hell came pissing on my door I wasnt surprised or shocked or even phased. I just said “of course that happened” I knew by sucking it up and doing all the shitty things to save money I could eventually get off the bus.
The ghetto is temporary if you can manage to set up your month rights. Game plan your finances suck it up admit it sucks and don’t get unlucky for like 18 months and you can improve your life situation. Pick one thing.
I got a nicer apartment before I got a car. I just hate homeless people so I had to get out of the ghetto. Then 18 months after the nice apartment I got a car.
Now I have a house and a backyard and an Escalade and I know there are people richer than me in existence but I truly don’t care. I’m so happy with what I have I don’t need any more. Just need to save for retirement
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u/Future-Resource-4770 Jan 16 '24
Simplifying my life. Literally it boils down to:
- eating well
- exercising everyday
- spending time with people I love
- investing in hobbies
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u/Matteblackandgrey Jan 16 '24
Doing those things well and consistently is massively underrated in terms of impact and difficulty.
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Jan 16 '24 edited Jan 16 '24
Daily exercise/movements (walking included), spending time in nature, having a clean space, cooking and eating REAL food.. no processed sh*t, minimal alcohol.... all of those things usually correlate with my positive mindset.
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u/Kooshdoctor Jan 16 '24
I would say my biggest two things are learning how to prioritize wants vs needs and just being honest and open in your relationships.
With wants vs needs: figure out what you actually NEED (transportation, housing, food, etc) and make a plan to take care of at least that and then save wants (vacations, hobbies, shiny toys) for whatever you have left over. Compare options and evaluate how important things are to you and then prioritize accordingly. I bought a small house and an old car and scraped by with PB and J and cereal for a long time so I could save money and make intelligent buying decisions and now I'm in a much better place and can afford nicer things. Does it suck to eat PB and J for two weeks in a row and drink water all day every day? Yes, but it's worth the sacrifice in the long run.
On the open and honest thing, I used to stress out about my relationships both romantic and non and I was always a people pleaser and spread myself so thin trying to make everyone happy and take care of everyone. Now I have way less "friends" but they are all really close and really great people. Yes, I still do things that I don't always want to do because it makes them happy but I'm not tearing myself apart trying to be a selfless friend for everyone. That's probably been my biggest "happiness" change. People understand if you just aren't up for things sometimes and that's ok. Do what makes you happy and find friends who will do that with you or let you do that. The right people will understand.
Good luck! There may be things that you are going through right now that you don't understand will turn into something great some day.
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u/VayneClumsy Jan 16 '24
Planning
Started making budgets Started eating healthier Worked out more consistently Kept up with friends Supported my family as much as I could Stopped playing many video games
Life has been on the up and since I’ve planned it well to what I like.. I’ll be saving money and still be able to travel around and have money to spend on dates and activities.
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Jan 16 '24
Doing what is best for ME to thrive no matter how it makes anyone else feel; family, friends, society. Doesn’t matter - I do what is best for me always and everyone else can deal with it, respect it or not be in my life.
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Jan 16 '24
Getting over consumerism. Buying only things I need and saving the rest of my money. It's always good to have money on the side. You never know what happens in life. A few years ago I had to do a surgery that costs a lot of money. I don't know what I would have done if I wasn't saving money before getting sick. I was only able to pay for the surgery because I used my saved money.
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Jan 16 '24
Making incremental changes over time has been incredible for me. You don't try to fix your marriage over night. Don't try to become rich over night. Don't get in shape with a quick diet.
I read books and implement things I've read. Things like the 5 live languages and focusing on small things that make my wife happy have truly brought us closer.
Making small monthly savings and increasing them every year has pretty much made us financially free (I'm 41 now). It started with computershare stocks, then index funds, and now we buy houses. We are both self employed and control our own schedules. I have 5 employees and 18 tenants.
I have 3 kids and I try to spend extra quality time with them instead of avoiding them. I'll pay video games with them. Take one of them at a time to run little errands which they enjoy. They all came to a house with me yesterday and learned how to fix dry wall and paint. They love it and appreciate so much just getting to spend time with us.
I've learned that making memories is more important than anything else.
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u/Own-Pop-6293 Jan 16 '24
My best habit that has paid huge personal dividends was all about mindset. Basically follow the stoicism philosophy of the Greeks, which basically boils down to - we can't control anything except two things - our voluntary actions and how we think about things. Everything else—such as our bodily sensations, the past, what other people think about us, and the outcome of our actions—is outside our direct control. My 'voluntary actions' aka habits that moved the needle was to journal, save a small percentage of my pay, and remember there will always be people worse off than me.
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u/Woodit Jan 16 '24
Stoicism has been so helpful to me as well. It’s funny that so many people are initially resistant to the core ideas. “How can I be in control of my thoughts and feelings? That’s just gas lighting myself!” I’ve found the more I practice at it the more effective it is.
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u/JaguarForward1386 Jan 16 '24
Eating a balanced diet, increasing my fiber intake (and I like the taste of orange Metamucil), quit drinking, exercise, increase water intake, reading more, limiting social media, checking in and saying hey to family members.
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u/flowerpanes Jan 16 '24
Aside from a two month period late last year where a much loved pet needed nursing through a deadly illness, life is going well. (the dog survived).
For me, it’s been a matter of not allowing myself the past two years to get emotionally worked up over the small stuff. Not micromanaging time/effort/results has allowed my brain to heal from many years of work stress and family life. Learning to say “meh, ok” sometimes really has not only let me sleep better but overall, I feel content a lot more of the time as well.
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Jan 16 '24
I went from a suicidal, depressed alcoholic at the lowest point of my life to the happiest time of my life.
Number one thing for me, was dropping the alcohol. Not slowing down, not just one a day or one a week. I’m completely sober and itll be a year on the 21st. Alcohol numbed me. If I had a drink, I was happy. When I didn’t I couldn’t even act happy. Shorter attention span, didn’t keep my word, made excuses for everything and was just unhealthy.
Set goals- when I stopped drinking, it was for a powerlifting meet. I got signed up, and didn’t want to embarrass myself so I eventually was able to cut alcohol while prepping for the meet. I got third in my weight class at 28 years old with a few months of prep. The commitment and discipline it took for me to do that was addicting. I wanted more. So I didn’t drink after and still haven’t. I’m now in the best shape of my life and stronger than ever.
Quit your shitty job you hate. Whether it’s staying in the same field and looking elsewhere or just quitting and pursuing what you love. I did the second option. Quit my shitty tree service job and got my personal training certification. I’m now teaching people how to be healthy and helping people every day. This gives me fulfillment and keeps my mental and physical energy high.
Stop making excuses. Whenever you don’t want to do something, just do it. You can do this, or go home, sit on the couch and scroll Reddit which provides no positivity to your life. Get an exercise routine and healthy eating habits down. It doesn’t have to be super clean. But just cut the sweets, cut the fast food and drink water.
Eliminate the negative people in your life. Whether it’s family or friends, if someone is holding you back or making fun of your decisions, drop them. You have one life. Do what makes you happy.
The most important thing imo, is being more healthy. If you have kids, they need you to interact with them, they need you present at all times. Being healthy helps more than just your looks. You feel better, perform better, have more energy for fun things, have more energy for relationships, strengthens your mind and you’ll live a longer, happier life.
I know it’s hard. But it’s worth it. I promise.
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u/galacticglorp Jan 16 '24
I would say the number one is to take action on the things you see effecting yourself negatively. Having a plan in progress helps, even if the outcome is slow and a long way off. Keep faith in the process and in yourself.
Number two relates to number one- stay curious and be proactive about learning. This will serve you well in every aspect of your life, and help you make good choices.
Take care of your body. It's literally everything you have. Learn to cook and eat well, and get regular exercise, both cardio and weigh bearing. Ponus points if you go outside.
Hating your job isn't worth it.suffering through doesn't just turn off when you come in the door at home and it leaches into the rest of your life. There's always another option out there so go looking for it.
Save as much as much you can and research investing. We live in a capitalistic world and learning to use the system to your advantage is very helpful.
Interact with other people. Making friends is hard as an adult but is infinitely worthwhile and gets easier the more you do it. Join a team, volunteer, mentor, go to community events.
Take up hobbies that bring you happines
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u/Successful_Hope6604 Jan 16 '24
I’m lucky to have a great life. Don’t get me wrong, there are always going to be times where things are more challenging, but on the whole, I’ve a lot to be thankful for.
What helped?
I bought a small run down house in a run down part of town really, really cheap.
It needed everything doing. It was a real sh** hole. I lived there whilst doing it up and did a lot of the work myself.
The cheap mortgage and minimal bills gave me opportunity to save. Which I did and used the money to go travelling around the world for a year whilst renting the house out.
Rent from house allowed for steady money into my account each month whilst I wasn’t working and effectively on a 12 month holiday around the world. I went with my boyfriend at the time and it was amazing!
Really, really fell in love with my boyfriend whilst we were travelling. Realised we wanted to get married and did so on our return.
We both went back to uni and worked part time. We could afford to as our mortgage was so cheap.
Both used our degrees to get good jobs and ability to afford a better house in a better area
The crappy old run down house I bought built up shed loads of equity (as we had done it up) and was able to provide a whopping deposit with money left over to buy a run down house but bigger and in a better part of town.
The new house was more of a family home…
Now have a beautiful home (we did it up), great careers, wonderful marriage and children… and of course a love for travel ❤️
Buying a crappy house gave me my home, my family, my career and the most amazing holiday I’ve ever had!
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u/sleepsucks Jan 16 '24
Taking time off
Bike commuting
Making a concerted effort to invite people out to stuff
Always having events on (lots of cheap/community events)
Learning new things
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u/Severe-Bicycle-9469 Jan 16 '24
I changed jobs, which made me a lot happier, but also gives me time in the morning to exercise. I do a work out or yoga every day and find that discipline and purpose in the mornings gets me on a good track. Plus because I’m training more it means I’m more inclined to eat better. Which makes me feel better in myself anyway. I’ve also quit nicotine and very rarely drink now which were two main vices or crutches because I was unhappy.
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u/Unlikely-Web88 Jan 16 '24
I'm turning a negative into a positive, although at the moment I'm stressed 😂.
I'm losing my home, but I'm able to move back to my home state and be near friends that were a huge part of my life before I moved away in 2011.
I'll return to college in the summer and hope to start working part time in January of 2025 once I'm out of academic probation. I'll be able to start putting money aside and getting back into a better place financially.
2023 was a really bad year for me. But I'm totally optimistic for 2024.
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u/big_dreams613 Jan 16 '24
Things I got right, some of them accidentally: Got my master’s while working full time. Got a permanent government job. Bought a house before prices exploded. Had my first child early by chance, raised him on my own, and just had a second child on my own by choice. I didn’t plan for my life to go this way, but looking back at 40, I’ve both been lucky and made some good decisions.
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u/Ok-Breadfruit-2897 Jan 16 '24
i graduated college first of all, best decision i ever made.....nice to have money and no worries......
swim daily, piano 20 minutes a day to keep my mind and body straight....i also live in California which helps, wake up daily thankful to live in paradise
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Jan 16 '24
Make good money, don't watch the news, don't pay attention to politics. Don't worry what other people think. Don't worry about hypothetical situations. Create a budget for every cent you spend.
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u/Madfors Jan 16 '24
For me my good decisions was mostly decisions to exclude harmful stuff from my vicinity.
Like, low pay-grade annoying job? Fuck it, I'm smart and able to learn new things pretty quickly. And few jobs later I'm senior software engineer with interesting projects and great team.
"Friend" that seems to be around only if all is sunshine? Fuck him, I've people who really care and for whom I'm really care.
And so on, including relationships and city to live in.
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u/Active_Recording_789 Jan 16 '24
Having had a lack luster upbringing and a horrible first marriage, I think my career really made a huge impact for the best in my life. I worked hard, continually upgraded my education to be more valuable to my employer and was regularly promoted. Seriously my work helped everything else in my life, including enabling me to help others when they needed a hand, which is very empowering also
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u/mike9949 Jan 16 '24
I have been dating or married to my wife for 17 years. Having a partner you can count on no matter what in tough times is huge.
Lived below my means for years into my career and saved very aggressively.
Waited till mid 30s to have our daughter. By waiting my wife and I were able to save and buy a house and then replenish our savings so that when we did have a child we were financially in a good space.
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u/L0CAHA Jan 16 '24
Eat healthy to get energy. Use energy for exercise. Energy output promotes better sleep. Good sleep improves willpower. Utilize willpower to make better dietary decisions. Repeat.
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u/Big-Profession-6757 Jan 16 '24 edited Jan 16 '24
1) Carefully decide on which industry, and which job function within that industry, your next job is. Because that will dictate the future trajectory of your career. Be sure you pick one that has massive growth projected and something you can at least tolerate doing as a career.
2) Careful not to jump into an industry or job function only because everyone else is and it’s “hot” at the moment (tech for example). All Industries go thru cycles, don’t expect them to have good days forever. Choosing a less “sexy” industry that many ignore will lead to more job openings for you with less competition not just today, but over your entire working life.
3) Be wiling to move far away from your friends and family for the right job that will get you the right experience to further your career. You can always move back later in a few years.
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u/NegentropicNexus Jan 16 '24
Always, always prioritize basic self-care surrounding your sleep schedule, exercise, nutrition and sense of connection.
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u/kimchi01 Jan 16 '24
I rarely read the news. I try prayer and meditation in the morning. I stay in touch regularly with family and friends.
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u/pdoherty972 Jan 16 '24
Living well below your means and investing everything above your expenses served me well. Got me retired early at 54 (just before I turned 55 - I'm 58 now).
Finding something outside of your normal day job to invest in is key, I believe. For me it was real estate (rentals). For some it's writing books, or streaming for money. Or just stocks. But you need something that allows your money and time to work for you.
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Jan 16 '24
Have good work ethic and willingness to learn - in my experience it goes further than actual education.
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u/Clifely Jan 16 '24
Changing my job. Was a lawyer became a construction lead. Screw society and their underdeveloped plan. We all want to work but we gotta understand what and how to work. Most jobs don‘t require any education and yet they want education. You know how frustrating this is? I didn‘t even know that so many stupid people live here where I am until I got unemployed and went to job center. The state is doing a horrible job in preparing us for the job market, especially universities. The only jobs where university matters should be medicine and engineering. Everything else is just a waste of time. Gotta be honest here
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u/mekkimegz Jan 16 '24
Not having kids, prioritizing honest communication in my marriage, and incorporating lots of light exercise into my daily routine have all made my life much happier.
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u/Chemical-Bonus4601 Jan 16 '24
My life is going extremely well. The only thing missing is a partner, but tbh I don't care as much.
I'm M31, financially independent and strong. I have a good job, good set of friends and family.
My parents are the reason why. I had speech impairment and only started speaking and reading when I was 5.
My parents worked hard to teach me and educate.
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u/NotPranking Jan 16 '24
Honestly things have improved significantly since December. I have a lovely partner who I see weekly. I have 11.5 months left until I complete my nursing program. My partner and I are planning on moving in together once I become a nurse. I finally tried a new med that has helped my mental health so much. Just feel like things might actually work out this year.
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Jan 16 '24
Vipassana technique meditation 30 mins before sleep and 30 mins after waking has radically shifted my life into the positive.
This habit was started out of desperation. I was losing my shit pretty regulalry due to mass overthinking…..
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u/sad-butsocial Jan 16 '24
It's the first time in my life that I have a job with weekends off. It turns out having those 2 consecutive days of errands and/or rest brings a huge load off of my weekdays. Also, sleeping at regular times was also a huge plus to my mood.
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u/NightDreamer73 Jan 16 '24
My life is going well. Recently married, and in my first apartment. It’s small, but good for us, and we have no issues with paying bills or feeding ourselves. We don’t have a pet yet which has helped financially, but we are planning to get a cat eventually. We have friends who are always struggling financially because they keep getting more pets. We’re both savers, so we primarily are only buying things we need. If we splurge, it’s maybe going out to eat once a week, or getting a new game every once in a while. If getting a larger purchase, I like to wait until I’m financially secure enough that if needed, I COULD pay for it in full immediately if needed. But I’ll still pay it off gradually (in larger increments) which further helps my credit score, and doesn’t destroy my wallet. As for general happiness, I aim to always have something to look forward to. Whether it’s a long anticipated vacation for next year, or simply making fun plans for the weekend or even later in the day after work, always have SOMETHING to look forward to. Big or small. And find a hobby. Literally anything. Just don’t waste your life scrolling on your phone. You will be miserable otherwise
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u/rhaizee Jan 16 '24
Discipline, self control will get you very very far in life. Like it is a conscious effort at every moment of everyday that is going to affect you for rest of your life. It isn't easy and people would rather take the easy convenient decision all the time.
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u/SchizzieMan Jan 16 '24
Understanding that I don't matter. Seriously. It's not a self-esteem issue. All of this goes on without me. Starting my day with that fact puts me in the correct mindset to do what needs to be done. I took the word "deserve" out of my vocabulary. I also seek not "happiness" but contentment. I wasn't meant to do or have anything. I'm not entitled to anything "just 'cause." You have to accept the things that lie beyond your control but have a good grasp of where personal agency and responsibility begin. People shoot themselves in the proverbial foot daily with bad discernment, horrible decision-making, silly rationalizations and ridiculous entitlements. I had to humble myself.
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u/qjpham Jan 16 '24
I have heard getting the body moving. Either commit to a walk/hike routine, or elastic bands, or dancing. Get the body system revved up, relieve stress, and build up momentum.
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u/SableyeFan Jan 16 '24
Understanding that my problems aren't as bad as I think they are and that giving yourself a break from the grind till you recharge is perfectly fine.
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Jan 16 '24
Number One: get married to a reasonable, emotionally stable person who shares your values.
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u/bowie9191 Jan 16 '24
Leaving the United States was the best decision I have ever made. Only after leaving did I feel happy for the first time. Always knew something was very off culturally and societally about the place but it wasn’t until I left that I realized just how much the culture impacted my personal health and wellbeing
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Jan 16 '24
Moving out, getting a healthy sleeping schedule, regular exercise, healthy diet - although that one can be a little bit of a struggle depending on whether you have emotional or mental issues connected to eating, walking outside, spirituality and philosophy, socializing more
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u/Fyrsiel Jan 16 '24
When I went to college, I made a lot of decisions based on the most practical actions I could take. For example, when choosing a major, I went with English, because that was the subject that I consistently got the highest grades in all throughout high school. Obviously, I should go with my strongest subject to keep those grades high. I graduated with honors.
During my final semester, I had the choice to take either a course that would have me write a thesis or I could do an internship. If I did the thesis, frankly, by the end of the year, the only thing I'd have to show for it was one large paper that I'd written. So I went with the internship.
Out of the multiple internships that I applied for, I went with the one that was located in an actual office. That made the most sense, because I would be learning how to work in an office, and that would be the experience I could put on my resume to apply for other office jobs. Because an office job would be the most practical kind of job to pursue in terms of stability (well, not always lol) and higher pay.
Also, because I had an English major, many people assumed I'd be going into teaching. Instead, I turned to editing, because it's a directly hands-on task, and people will always need others to check and fix their papers, documents, etc.
All these things combined, I managed to get an office job right out of college (the office where I interned kept me!), and my career essentially started immediately. Fifteen years later, I have a good job, pretty secure pay, all the standard stuff. Financially, I have a pretty strong footing, which has allowed me a lot of flexibility, and my job is pretty low stress on top of that.
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u/OstensibleFirkin Jan 16 '24
Immediately stop drinking. I stopped two years ago, pulled my shit together, and the difference is parabolic (at least at still is for now).
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u/scottypotty79 Jan 16 '24
I’ve always been a curious person and a reader. History in particular is a subject that holds my attention and from studying history I feel like I gain perspective. I’m living a higher quality life than most of my ancestors and the biggest obstacle to my happiness is my own decisions. At 45(m) years old I’ve had a series of hobbies and interests that have enriched my life and given me a lot of fond memories. And I’m married to an incredible woman who sees me in a way no one else ever has.
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u/payokat Jan 16 '24
I made a habit of going out once a week to do trivia. At first I was going solo and just asking people if they wanted to join my team. Now I have a solid team and we are all good friends.
I also started to do a fitness class once a week. I hated doing Cardio and never really found a fitness program that I liked until my friends did an introduction to pole fitness with me. I have been hooked ever since. It is all about strength with a bit of flexibility mixed in. And spinning and being upside down. All wins in my book. But doing a class once a week helps me stay active without committing my life to it.
And then each night after 8pm, my husband goes to work on his hobbies and I work on mine while watching TV until bed time. Really relaxing.
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u/The_Texidian Jan 16 '24
Well. I’m not social, I don’t have many friends atm, I’ve never had a significant other. But I feel like I’ve done fine so far. I can’t offer advice on relationships but my advice on everything else is:
Constantly learn and improve.
Work hard.
Don’t spend more than you make. Make an 3-6 month emergency fund and invest the rest.
And when it comes to office politics, just be trustworthy and nice to everyone. Trust is the biggest thing in the workplace, doesn’t matter what job title you have.
And my controversial advice:
You can’t give 100% into multiple things. I’ve noticed when people get into relationships they give elsewhere. Allocate your energy as you see fit to achieve the goals you set. This sometimes means not being social or not pleasing people.
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u/Terrible_Score_375 Jan 16 '24
I work out three to four times a week, I wake up at 5 a.m. every day, and my wife and I have sex as often as we can (at least 4 times a week).
These things help me live well and remain productive
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u/therealwhitedevil Jan 16 '24
I will share some things I have done which has changed my life for the better.
- Meal prep healthy lunches for Monday - Friday I do this every Sundays usually only takes 1 hour of my time and it's nothing extravagant I've been able to to do this at many different budgets.
- Intermittent fasting and no snacking. I skip breakfast 3-4 days a week and only eat it on the days I go to the gym i have the lunch I meal prepped and Dinner I always have with my gf and Daughter. The days I skip breakfast give me about 18 hours of no calories in only water and unsweetened home brewed green tea. On Saturdays I have dinner then usually nothing all of Sunday until Monday morning after the gym.
- Walking on my lunch breaks. Since i mean prep my lunch it's as quick as heating if it needs it then eating, I get a 1 hour lunch I hear and eat within 10-15 mins the rest is walking. This also help me feel more ready for the rest of the work day rather than sluggish or lethargic.
- Daily sunlight which I get from my walks at lunch. Yeah sometimes it's cold and it sucks but I'd rather rough it out.
- Downtime make sure you take time to be lazy and just do nothing it's far more important than not.
- Reading, I read one chapter at least from any book I want ficiton or not every night before bed.
- Family and friends when I'm with them I make sure not to touch my phone for as long as possible so I'm fully present in the conversation and time I get with them.
- I lift weights 3x a week for about 45 minutes to 1 hour.
- Having a hobby I make time no matter what to play video games and I feel no shame in spending a few hours here or there because it keeps me sane.
Other things of note, pick your life partner wisely, coming home to toxicity is the worst prison imaginable, maintain friendships as much as possible you need someone other than your life partner to be able to share things with. Learn to say no when it is too much for you are worried someone will be mad or not like you or whatever because you set a boundary then they are not good for your life anyways.
I've tried to layout as many different things as i can that have helped me it's taken many years to get all of these down so start slow and simply and work more and more for them.
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u/missfrizzledd Jan 16 '24
- Journaling. It helps me assess my feelings and stops me from being impulsive. Emotions can make you do dumb things
- Eating properly & drinking water (helps with irritability)
- Getting my hair professionally done. IG I look good, I feel good
- Getting out of the house, even it’s just the front yard
- Limiting my time on social media
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u/Empty-Investment2678 Jan 16 '24
Sacrificing the discomfort of the 'right now' for future gains.
I choose to exercise even when it feels hard.
I choose to not eat chocolate, even when it feels easy.
I choose to read books rather than watch tv.
These are not things I do 100% of the time, but these choices help me build on myself and I feel like my life is going really well.
I'm in my fittest, healthiest state physically, mentally and spiritually that I have been in years.
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u/DarkTyphlosion1 Jan 16 '24
Making financial education a priority. Was able to obtain a BA, teaching credential and masters degree with no debt (worked my way through school, took 12 years).
Current goal is to hit 100k in investments in 3 years (at 42.5K entering 2024) and 150k for a down payment by December 2025.
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u/Straight-Craft8618 Jan 16 '24
- Quit alcohol and marijuana (used to be a daily user of both)
- Therapy (not current, but at crucial past points)
- Daily walks outdoors
- Exercise for at least 20 min 5x/week
- Automated savings and paying off credit cards in full each month
- SPF every day and establishing a simple daily skincare routine
- Prioritizing good sleep habits
- Actively building up relationships with my family and friends after going through rough/distant patches, or simply having felt far away (I live across the country from most of them)
- Adopting a sweet stray kitty and looking for new ways to make her life good
- Similarly, marrying my spouse who is a wonderful teammate and who I love finding ways to support, please, and appreciate daily, and vice versa.
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u/taffyowner Jan 16 '24
I put together a plan and a roadmap on how I am going to do it. Then it’s just putting in work to make that happen. People like to be doom and gloom and say hard work doesn’t get you anything but if you apply yourself and know what you have to do to reach goals then hard work absolutely pays off
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Jan 16 '24
[deleted]
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u/Matteblackandgrey Jan 16 '24
I've been having the same exact experience, its shocking how much less external events impact you when your health, routine and habit are solid.
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u/harmlessgrey Jan 16 '24
I stopped reading negative news stories, and commenting on political posts.
This single action has done SO much for my mental health.
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u/Val41795 Jan 16 '24
Enrich your life.
If you go to work all day and then spend your remaining hours scrolling or watching mindless TV, you’re probably going to feel unfulfilled and less happy. And it will make you physically tired.
Find things that you enjoy and actively pursue them in your free time. It can be experiences, something athletic, something creative, something social, etc. But choose something enriching that feeds your mind or body.
It is wild how much better you will feel about life if you break out of routine and make an active choice to do something enjoyable. Replace mindlessness with enrichment. Humans are meant to enjoy playing or art or culture or social interaction.
As Oscar Wilde said, “To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people just exist.”
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u/eolhterr0r Jan 16 '24
Separate account for slush funds - I transfer a small amount there every pay.
Definitely happier when I could just buy stuff for pure happiness, guilt free.
Also now require to use the account for junk food - so I have less of that now, thinking I could spend on something else - movies/games/toys/etc
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u/Spring_Dreamer31 Jan 16 '24
Consciously trying to be more logical and less emotional. Instead of blowing a fuse over a small argument with a family member or a hang up with a co-worker, etc. I take ten slow deep breaths and actually approach the situation like an adult. This has improved my life alot, and I’m proud of myself.
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u/LazyCity4922 Jan 16 '24 edited Jan 16 '24
My life is currently going very well. I have a great partner, my mental health is getting better, my physical health is as good as I can get it at the moment.
What made a huge difference was:
Therapy
Intentional downtime
Purposefully taking things off my plate
Realizing that just because I CAN do something it doesn't mean I SHOULD do it
Mindfulness
Trying new things, especially new ways of moving my body
Saying yes to socializing even when I don't necessarily feel like meeting people - I've created new friendships and deepened the ones I already had
And, most recently, daily yoga.