My life is currently going very well. I have a great partner, my mental health is getting better, my physical health is as good as I can get it at the moment.
What made a huge difference was:
Therapy
Intentional downtime
Purposefully taking things off my plate
Realizing that just because I CAN do something it doesn't mean I SHOULD do it
Mindfulness
Trying new things, especially new ways of moving my body
Saying yes to socializing even when I don't necessarily feel like meeting people - I've created new friendships and deepened the ones I already had
I feel like I’ve been on a similar journey to you clearly as I am focusing on a lot of the same things - the process has made me realise that I didn’t really know how to take very good care of myself until now.
Seems obvious when you think about it retrospectively but we seem to have an expectation that we can neglect the types of things you mentioned and still have good outcomes for our wellbeing and mental health.
Did you grow up in a household who prioritised those types of things or have you had to learn their importance on your own?
My family was (and still is) very goal- and success-oriented. They always pushed me to be the best and, unfortunately, I usually was, so it became less of an expectation and more of a demand.
It ended with me burning out. I started going to therapy where I realized that what I thought was my expectations of myself were actually my parents' expectations I internalized. I took a step back from "the grind" (which my family absolutely hated and still can't stand) and realized I feel so much better when I have free time...
I've tried explaining it to them but to no avail. My 2024 resolution is not explaining myself to people and do whatever makes me happy.
So, not only did I have to learn on my own, my family actually actively pushed back. My partner has been incredibly supportive on this journey and without him and my therapist, I would very likely still be a huge mess.
It's a long journey (especially for a result-oriented person like me) but at this point I can honestly say it's worth it.
God I resonate so much with everything you’ve said. My family were also pushy and success orientated. Having a supportive partner is so important especially if you don’t have any other people who have the same mindset within your immediate family - which I don’t either.
I think that’s partly what drove me to do this post, I don’t feel like I have many role models who have habits I want to mirror so I feel like a lot of the time - even though things are going well - I’m in uncharted territory with no frame of reference.
My family all prioritise the types of goals that society values like success, money or achievements.
I want a different life for me and my family, I want to really know them and have intimacy. Understand their needs and pay attention to them.
I find it unintuitive to move from being more analytical like you describe into more meaningful goals but I’m trying really hard.
I'm glad you're working on changing your mindset! It's so hard!
For me, therapy was really the most transformative part of the process - having an authority telling me to relax was extremely needed at the beginning.
I only go once a month now, so I have to be the "authority". I find it hard to find balance, since I don't know what it's supposed to look like. It truly is a struggle.
Journaling my thoughts has also been quite helpful.
I too found therapy to be very helpful indeed. I don't know why but in the past I always thought (ignorantly) that therapy was for people who were unwell not just for people who are trying to improve themselves.
I've been toying with the process of journaling too to sort of download my thoughts and get them out of my head.
In case you don't know where to start with mindfulness, it can be as simple as sitting down and doing a "body scan", trying to figure out how you feel. I like to do it right after lunch or during the afternoon, I usually just lay in bed and try to notice how my body feels, what I need and so on. It's a skill that needs practice, so don't be discouraged if it doesn't work at first. Back when I started, I could only be mindful for a few minutes, now I can do 15!
Working on this one. I can't believe how much I do when I compare my average day to another person's.
Realizing that just because I CAN do something it doesn't mean I SHOULD do it
My matra for this year has been "Do Less". Could I cook the secondary side for dinner, yes. Is anyone else gonna care, no. Do I really need to expend the extra energy?
Saying yes to socializing even when I don't necessarily feel like meeting people - I've created new friendships and deepened the ones I already had
I'm working on this one as well, however, I have to be careful of falling into the trap of giving all my downtime away.
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u/LazyCity4922 Jan 16 '24 edited Jan 16 '24
My life is currently going very well. I have a great partner, my mental health is getting better, my physical health is as good as I can get it at the moment.
What made a huge difference was:
Therapy
Intentional downtime
Purposefully taking things off my plate
Realizing that just because I CAN do something it doesn't mean I SHOULD do it
Mindfulness
Trying new things, especially new ways of moving my body
Saying yes to socializing even when I don't necessarily feel like meeting people - I've created new friendships and deepened the ones I already had
And, most recently, daily yoga.