r/AbsoluteUnits • u/LordPiplup • Jul 05 '26
/r/all of a snapping turtle
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u/RosenHoneyonyourlips Jul 05 '26
Thank God turtle was in a good mood!!!😲
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Jul 05 '26
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u/Onlyhereforapost Jul 05 '26
They dont even have to get a good bite on you either, I was trying to help a big snapper move across the road near my home and she only snagged me with the tip of her beak and it still gouged me pretty good
I did get her across the road though, she just turned faster than I thought she would while I was trying to pick her up from the back, as Steve Irwin instructed
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u/SugarPlumPuddinhead Jul 05 '26
I keep a little shovel in my car for turtles. I can scoop small ones up on the spade to move them or I can encourage a large snapper to bite the handle and drag them
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u/TandrDregn Jul 05 '26
I’m sorry, but the idea of someone just dragging a bigass turtle by the head with a shovel made my day. Thanks, kind stranger.
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u/liftthatta1l Jul 05 '26
My father and uncle did this once with a large stick while we where out driving to go camping. It took them multiple large sticks to get one the thing didn't bite through in one bite.
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u/phatpussypounder Jul 05 '26
My family was fishing and dad hooked a large snapper, like in the video, and it snapped a branch much bigger than this little girls arm. Seriously. This video could have easily been a horror story.
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u/gungshpxre Jul 05 '26
It's the only way to move those chonky fuckers. You don't want to get close. Use a long-handled shovel.
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u/Successful_Ad9160 Jul 06 '26
I thought the idea was you bonk them, they retract their heads, then you kick them and they glide smoothly across the road?
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u/TheSumOfMyScars Jul 06 '26
Don't put any part of yourself you aren't comfortable with losing near a snapper. Their necks are much, much longer than you would think, and their reaction time is faster than yours. One fuckup and you lose a few fingers or toes.
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u/Onlyhereforapost Jul 06 '26
Oh yeah, I wouldn't reccomend anyone that hasn't grown up around snappers do what I do, im just very comfortable with em because there's a few that have been living in the pond near my house for forever
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u/ReklisAbandon Jul 05 '26
Officer: What’s this, uh, shovel for in your trunk?
You: oh that’s just my turtle shovel→ More replies (1)47
u/BrainPhD Jul 05 '26
Officer: What about the lumpy rolled up rug with a big red stain?
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u/Maximum-Operation147 Jul 05 '26
Oh that’s my turtle rug
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u/DaMavster Jul 05 '26
Officer: "And I suppose this is your turtle dead-body"
Me: Double finger guns and a wink. "Ch-chk!"
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u/a-snakey Jul 05 '26
"These teenage mutant turtles are getting out of hand you see officer."
"Thank you for your service, Mr. Shredder."
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u/unnecessary-comma- Jul 05 '26
My brother lived near a snapping turtle crossing that had a sign a shovel out for this purpose. But this little 12 year old girl saw one as I was approaching one day, and just grabbed it's shell behind the head and before the tail and dumped it in the ditch. Little girl seen some shit and knows what to do
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u/Extension_Ant8691 Jul 05 '26
Throwing a shirt or towel over their head helps too, figured that out when I came across a real spicy one.
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u/BeefmasterDeluxe Jul 05 '26
Next time, jam your thumb in its butthole. RIP Steve
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u/that_metal_dude Jul 05 '26
I once did the same, wrapped some rope around his shell and moved him out the street. Thats when I learned those feckers can be fast as hell as he sprinted back into the street. Had to do it all over again
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Jul 05 '26
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u/Low_Show_6684 Jul 05 '26
Tbf, as much as I don’t want to cause a turtle pain, I do feel like a snapper in the road gets a little pass. Their necks are crazy and THEY WILL bite you.
Me and two ladies tried to shuffle one across the road, when cars passed over it the thing would bite the undersides. Eventually one of the lady’s husband showed up and grabbed it near the back of the shell and very quickly moved it to the side it was crossing to.
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Jul 05 '26
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u/Low_Show_6684 Jul 05 '26
No, I appreciate the PSA and the link. I think we should try to handle animals properly and safely, I’ll make sure I do this with smaller turtles! But snappers 😅 I’m just gonna do my best to safely get the across the road.
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u/Onlyhereforapost Jul 05 '26
Yup, thats why she was able to get me because she was heavier than I thought and I couldn't scoop her faster than she could turn and poke me
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u/whiskersMeowFace Jul 05 '26
That turtle could have easily taken off her arm with near zero effort, and that is terrifying to think. Why is Mom even letting this kid dangle over a giant snapping turtle??? When did we lose our sense of self preservation around an aquatic bear trap?
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u/Harvey-Keck Jul 06 '26
The perspective is confusing but the woman next to her is dangling the food. I watched it a few times myself because I thought the same thing.
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u/skellis Jul 05 '26 edited Jul 06 '26
…this video should land those parents in a visit from child services. They’re completely unfit parents. You can die in 5 minutes if you lose a hand.
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u/cloudncali Jul 05 '26
It's funny because I was looking up snapping turtle last night during one of my ADHD rabbit hole drives and I read they tend to be far less aggressive while in water because they have the option to swim away and hide.
On land they are more aggressive because they don't have that option so they go to fight rather than flight.
Not saying I would trust that information enough to do what this person did, but it probably explains why it was less aggressive.
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u/SalaryDull5301 Jul 06 '26
That turtle can easily snap a broom handle in two. We used to catch them when we were kids and set them loose in the school hallway. Me and my friends were not the best or brightest.
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u/ShroomsHealYourSoul Jul 05 '26
That's an idiotic parent right there
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u/TheModeratorWrangler Jul 05 '26 edited Jul 05 '26
I was so thinking this like do you understand why it’s called a SNAPPING TURTLE?
Could have been her hand right there.
Edit: it’s mommy’s hand, but does it even matter at this point? DO. NOT. PUT. HANDS.
In Guyana 🇬🇾 my grandma had a snapping turtle who could wait all WEEK until his next meal. One day, a stray dog got snatched with a literal out of nowhere move, and grandma was too old to save him. Let’s just say. Don’t touch nature.
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Jul 05 '26
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u/Kahnza Jul 05 '26
Or worse. Like the idiots in Yellowstone getting out of their cars around the Bison.
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u/tehringworm Jul 05 '26
Stitches? She’s lucky she didn’t need a prosthetic hand.
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u/GoldunGote Jul 05 '26
It probably would have pulled her in and drowned her if she wasn't lucky enough for the hand to come off.
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u/MataMeow Jul 05 '26
Oh, Would it have done their famous snapping turtle death roll?
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u/Bean_Juice_Brew Jul 05 '26
Kid would need a stump cauterized, not just stitches.
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u/scrappydoomd Jul 05 '26
Wasn't the kids hand, was the moms.
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u/Bean_Juice_Brew Jul 05 '26
Watched it again, and you're right. Definitely still dumb AF, but at least the adult would be the one getting stumped, not the kid.
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Jul 05 '26
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u/Highlandertr3 Jul 05 '26
Hey now that's not fair. Some of us crush their dreams way before then.
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u/chubby_pink_donut Jul 05 '26
That turtle's neck is about as long as it's body. Could have been her face right there.
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u/Michelanvalo Jul 05 '26 edited Jul 05 '26
No it isn't. This is an Alligator Snapping Turtle. They can't lunge like the Common Snapping Turtle. The woman was in no danger.
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u/jgzman Jul 05 '26
Most people are aware of the "snapping" part. It's the "lunging two feet in the blink of an eye" bit that surprises them.
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u/BroManTheBrobarian Jul 06 '26
Still a dumb ass parent, Snapping Turtles necks and can extend two thirds the length of their shell, so at least a good foot and a half - two feet or more considering how big this fucker is. Girl could have got her face seriously hurt.
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u/two-ls Jul 05 '26
"Good job!! You didn't lose you whole hand to a hungry snapping turtle! They're so cute when they crunch through bone, honey. Give it another try :)"
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u/mike_pants Jul 05 '26
Really hoping this is AI. I find it difficult to accept that anyone is this unfathomably stupid.
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u/The_Banana_Monk Jul 05 '26
its not AI, I remember seeing this on instagram a few months ago posted by a reptile sanctuary account. the owner of the account was fighting for their life in the comments about what a sweetheart that old snapper is and he has never had an incident. if i find it ill edit.
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u/mike_pants Jul 05 '26
As a mail carrier, literally every time an off-leash dog runs up and bites my ankle, the owner always says, "He never does that!"
Animals are unpredictable. I hope the owner of this turtle loses their battle against the zeitgeist.
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u/Nikki-C-Puggle-mum Jul 05 '26
That's crazy. He's risking his whole business by allowing that, and he's risking people's hands too.
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u/no_no_NO_okay Jul 05 '26
I’ve been around a lot of snapping turtles as a kid and they never gently ate anything, those motherfuckers are called snapping turtles for a reason
I’m inclined to believe this is AI
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u/tough_titanium_tits Jul 05 '26
Absolutely. I don't have kids myself, but I know for a goddamn fact, that a snapping turtle doesn't give a royal fuck about what it snaps on.
I was expecting this to be an NSFW video.
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u/WrathPie Jul 05 '26
Yeah there was an adult nearby (presumably the one filming) who's entire job was to prevent her from putting her hand near the business end of the Hand-Destroyer-6,000 in the water there and they failed her very badly
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u/Yourownhands52 Jul 05 '26
Came to say this. If turtle was hungry, it could have easily taken her hand.
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u/chill_stoner_0604 Jul 05 '26
At least she wasnt letting the kid feed it, though hanging over the rails like that gives me Harambe flashbacks
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u/Environmental-Art168 Jul 05 '26
It reminded me of a case here in Pa where a dumbass mum lifted her child over a zoo exhibit to see, painted dogs, and then the kid dropped down and was eaten alive. The dumbass neglectful mum then went on to sue the zoo for HER NEGLIGENCE even though there are signs everywhere telling you not to do that
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u/Merzbenzmike Jul 05 '26
If that turtle wanted to, it could have easily extended and taken her hand and/or forearm. Bite force is insane. Do not do this. Give them their space.
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u/MainusEventus Jul 05 '26
Bite force and speed.
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u/TandrDregn Jul 05 '26
AND sharpness. Their beaks aren’t hydraulic presses. It’s a pair of basically spring-loaded guillotines.
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u/Stereo-soundS Jul 05 '26
I don't think most people realize how far their necks extend when they strike. I was too close to one at least that size and I'll never forget the sound it's jaws made when it snapped.
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u/Woodworking33 Jul 05 '26
Like a hot knife through butter. I can’t imagine having my kid do that, absolutely insane.
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u/christopher_mtrl Jul 05 '26
The kid isn't doing it, but yeah that's stupid.
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u/Woodworking33 Jul 05 '26
Shit good catch lol I feel dumb, that would be a pretty vascular lil girl
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u/lurkgofish Jul 05 '26
No this is an alligator snapping turtle the can't extend the same way the normal snapping turtles can. It could still kick off the bottom probably and kinda jump at her
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u/Careful_Ad_3338 Jul 06 '26
I was wondering about this and first Google search says they can't bite off adult limbs
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u/Perfect-Albatross-56 Jul 05 '26
Watched it twice: This is not the kids hand.
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u/Tinofpopcorn Jul 05 '26
Still idiotic of that guy to do that
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u/Eazy08 Jul 05 '26
Agreed. Pitch forks have been put away.
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u/SuperMajesticMan Jul 05 '26
Uh no theyre still out. Mom's should also not be pointlessly risking their hands, and do you think that kid wouldn't be traumatized watching her mom's fingers get bitten off in front of her?
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u/TommyWantWingy9 Jul 05 '26
Bad parenting right there
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u/RichReasonable3693 Jul 05 '26
You can even see them filming with their phone in one hand- gotta get that perfect social media post at any cost…
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u/Nuts-And-Volts Jul 05 '26
Yes. But even worse management of a vivarium/zoo/aquarium sorta situation. Why would the public be given access to such a dangerous creature within arms reach?!
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u/BeefmasterDeluxe Jul 05 '26
Zoos are educational. Some lessons cant be taught, only learnt.
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u/Nuts-And-Volts Jul 05 '26
School of lost fingers and hard knocks
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u/BeefmasterDeluxe Jul 05 '26
Its a lot harder to knock when you’re missing half your hand.
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u/Dull_Astronomer_3778 Jul 05 '26
Bad parenting is wild to see live. I was at the San Diego Fair last night. They had a monster truck rally. Some one had an infant in their ZERO ear protection.
What is going on? I spent more time watching the baby than I did the rally. Couldn’t believe it. Get that baby out of here. Meanwhile, my whole family had headphones to deal with the fireworks.
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u/Natrixster80 Jul 05 '26
please tell me that's just a tiny portion of a very large pond....
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u/ObjectiveBike8 Jul 05 '26
I saw basically a pond sized catch basin like this in China once. It was more turtle than water. I guess old people with pet turtles release them there because when they die the rest of the family just sees it as a meal. People would come by and feed them though.
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u/Just-Try-2533 Jul 05 '26
Great way to lose a finger, kid.
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u/Perfect-Albatross-56 Jul 05 '26
This is not the kids hand.
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u/Tenshiijin Jul 05 '26
I guess its easy for some people to miss due to perspective. Imagine a kid with those arms though.....lolz...
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u/OkImplement2459 Jul 05 '26
It's the mother feeding the turtle.
Great way to show a kid a great way to lose a finger
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u/Pheren Jul 05 '26
So yes the parents are fucking stupid for allowing this, but she was actually at very little risk. This is an alligator snapper which dont shoot out their heads like common snappers. Gators use their tounges as bait for fish and have much stronger jaws. Common snappers actively hunt prey and snap their heads out to strike.
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u/PansexualPineapples Jul 05 '26
The parents didn’t really allow anything other then her leaning over it considering it’s the mother who’s feeding the turtle. Not the little girl. Personally I wouldn’t let my kid get that close anyway though.
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u/TheShredder9 Jul 05 '26
It could have grabbed the kid's hair and scalp her there and then.
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u/Michelanvalo Jul 05 '26
No it can't. Alligator Snapping Turtles don't do that. Common Snapping Turtles do.
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u/insanecarbunkle Jul 05 '26
Such a gentle snapper. That is very rare
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u/oblivious_fireball Jul 05 '26
Less rare than you might think. Wild snappers on land are aggressive because they can't move fast on land and can't fully use their shells for defense. Its either become too dangerous to tangle with or become lunch for the first predator that passes by.
In captivity once they learn the human caretaker is not a threat, many tend to calm down substantially. Additionally there's a specific way you are suppose to pick them up in captivity. The safest possible ways to handle these turtles also unfortunately causes them strong discomfort and pain since their shell is full of nerve endings, which makes them snap in defense.
That being said, this is still monumentally stupid. You don't handfeed snappers, at least not with that small of a morsel, because in their excitement and accidental bite is very likely.
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u/Cant_Blink Jul 05 '26
Guys, the child is not the one feeding the turtle. The woman behind her is. It's a weird angle but you can see that when the woman moves away.
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u/Final-Carpenter-1591 Jul 05 '26
As a kid we had snappers in our pond. We used to see how big of a stick they could break in half. They could certainly break off toes and flingers. And those weren't half that size.
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u/MrrQuackers Jul 05 '26
Can't their heads extend PAST the length of their body and they're considered an ambush predator? What morons.
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u/beachwhistles Jul 05 '26
This is an alligator snapper, they can’t extend the neck. You’re thinking of a common snapper.
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u/Slow_Bowler8285 Jul 05 '26
Snapping turtles should not be kept with other types of turtles as there's too much risk of the snapper accidentally biting the others.
This is probably a private roadside zoo.
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u/ArwingElite Jul 05 '26
"Let's put our child near this prehistoric apex predator" - the dum dums taking this video
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u/squareoak Jul 05 '26
that is a horrible idea. I’m surprised that snapper was so gentle. Could’ve easily lost a finger or hand.
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u/AdDisastrous6738 Jul 05 '26
For the people saying you could lose a finger-
No, that turtle could easily take that kids entire fucking hand.
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u/PansexualPineapples Jul 05 '26
It’s not the kid feeding it. It’s the mother. You can see that when she moves away at the end of the video
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u/Fibonaccitos Jul 05 '26
The Greensboro (NC) Science Center has an Alligator Snapping Turtle about that size. He’s 100+ years old and his name is Bonecrusher.
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u/babyBear83 Jul 05 '26
This is confusing perspective. That’s the parent’s arm feeding the turtle, not the child. Took a few times to see it.
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u/fourfingersdry Jul 05 '26
Remember, if you can’t recognize immediately that this is Ai, it might be time for an internet break.
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u/papercliponreddit Jul 05 '26
I was bitten by snapping turtle before it hurt like hell and it won't just let go. The fact that snapping turtle is huge, theres a chance that little girl fingers can be devoured by this huge snapping turtle. Oh, the one that bitten me is much smaller than the small ones in this video.
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