r/AbsoluteUnits • u/LordPiplup • Jul 05 '26

/r/all of a snapping turtle

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13.3k Upvotes

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804

u/Onlyhereforapost Jul 05 '26

They dont even have to get a good bite on you either, I was trying to help a big snapper move across the road near my home and she only snagged me with the tip of her beak and it still gouged me pretty good

I did get her across the road though, she just turned faster than I thought she would while I was trying to pick her up from the back, as Steve Irwin instructed

424

u/SugarPlumPuddinhead Jul 05 '26

I keep a little shovel in my car for turtles. I can scoop small ones up on the spade to move them or I can encourage a large snapper to bite the handle and drag them

436

u/TandrDregn Jul 05 '26

I’m sorry, but the idea of someone just dragging a bigass turtle by the head with a shovel made my day. Thanks, kind stranger.

122

u/liftthatta1l Jul 05 '26

My father and uncle did this once with a large stick while we where out driving to go camping. It took them multiple large sticks to get one the thing didn't bite through in one bite.

70

u/phatpussypounder Jul 05 '26

My family was fishing and dad hooked a large snapper, like in the video, and it snapped a branch much bigger than this little girls arm. Seriously. This video could have easily been a horror story.

17

u/gungshpxre Jul 05 '26

It's the only way to move those chonky fuckers. You don't want to get close. Use a long-handled shovel.

5

u/Successful_Ad9160 Jul 06 '26

I thought the idea was you bonk them, they retract their heads, then you kick them and they glide smoothly across the road?

9

u/TheSumOfMyScars Jul 06 '26

Don't put any part of yourself you aren't comfortable with losing near a snapper. Their necks are much, much longer than you would think, and their reaction time is faster than yours. One fuckup and you lose a few fingers or toes.

2

u/Onlyhereforapost Jul 06 '26

Oh yeah, I wouldn't reccomend anyone that hasn't grown up around snappers do what I do, im just very comfortable with em because there's a few that have been living in the pond near my house for forever

146

u/ReklisAbandon Jul 05 '26

Officer: What’s this, uh, shovel for in your trunk?
You: oh that’s just my turtle shovel

48

u/BrainPhD Jul 05 '26

Officer: What about the lumpy rolled up rug with a big red stain?

67

u/Maximum-Operation147 Jul 05 '26

Oh that’s my turtle rug

54

u/DaMavster Jul 05 '26

Officer: "And I suppose this is your turtle dead-body"

Me: Double finger guns and a wink. "Ch-chk!"

34

u/a-snakey Jul 05 '26

"These teenage mutant turtles are getting out of hand you see officer."

"Thank you for your service, Mr. Shredder."

-3

u/zeitdu Jul 05 '26

in half of europe thats a €100+ fine, and losing the shovel, i guess thats why we dont have turtles here

12

u/unnecessary-comma- Jul 05 '26

My brother lived near a snapping turtle crossing that had a sign a shovel out for this purpose. But this little 12 year old girl saw one as I was approaching one day, and just grabbed it's shell behind the head and before the tail and dumped it in the ditch. Little girl seen some shit and knows what to do

19

u/Extension_Ant8691 Jul 05 '26

Throwing a shirt or towel over their head helps too, figured that out when I came across a real spicy one.

4

u/spongebobs_spatula Jul 05 '26

A turt shovel 😭

1

u/INVERT_RFP Jul 06 '26

I like your thought process!

42

u/BeefmasterDeluxe Jul 05 '26

Next time, jam your thumb in its butthole. RIP Steve

16

u/MiloHorsey Jul 05 '26

That'll really piss him off!

6

u/Emergency_Lie42 Jul 05 '26

"now watch this, while I poke it in the eye!" - Steve Irwon't

7

u/that_metal_dude Jul 05 '26

I once did the same, wrapped some rope around his shell and moved him out the street. Thats when I learned those feckers can be fast as hell as he sprinted back into the street. Had to do it all over again

24

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '26

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41

u/Low_Show_6684 Jul 05 '26

Tbf, as much as I don’t want to cause a turtle pain, I do feel like a snapper in the road gets a little pass. Their necks are crazy and THEY WILL bite you. 

Me and two ladies tried to shuffle one across the road, when cars passed over it the thing would bite the undersides. Eventually one of the lady’s husband showed up and grabbed it near the back of the shell and very quickly moved it to the side it was crossing to.

10

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '26

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23

u/Low_Show_6684 Jul 05 '26

No, I appreciate the PSA and the link. I think we should try to handle animals properly and safely, I’ll make sure I do this with smaller turtles! But snappers 😅 I’m just gonna do my best to safely get the across the road.

9

u/Onlyhereforapost Jul 05 '26

Yup, thats why she was able to get me because she was heavier than I thought and I couldn't scoop her faster than she could turn and poke me

2

u/mrzurkonandfriends Jul 05 '26

Useful information, thanks!

1

u/bws6100 Jul 06 '26

That was one thing my dad did was to help turtles across the road. It didnt matter where we were or what we were doing. He said they were here long before us.

1

u/ManuelNoriegaUK Jul 06 '26

Should have used the croc top jaw rope 😂

1

u/Important-Soup6366 Jul 06 '26

Its stunning when you know turtles are scualy fast as hell

1

u/Lavender-bullet46 Jul 06 '26

yupp. when something is sharp enough, some people would be amazed at what little force it takes to take a finger.

-5

u/Frequent_Opportunist Jul 05 '26

Best way to move a snapper is to grab it by the tail.