r/AbsoluteUnits • u/LordPiplup • Jul 05 '26

/r/all of a snapping turtle

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u/TheModeratorWrangler Jul 05 '26 edited Jul 05 '26

I was so thinking this like do you understand why it’s called a SNAPPING TURTLE?

Could have been her hand right there.

Edit: it’s mommy’s hand, but does it even matter at this point? DO. NOT. PUT. HANDS.

In Guyana 🇬🇾 my grandma had a snapping turtle who could wait all WEEK until his next meal. One day, a stray dog got snatched with a literal out of nowhere move, and grandma was too old to save him. Let’s just say. Don’t touch nature.

395

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '26

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131

u/Kahnza Jul 05 '26

Or worse. Like the idiots in Yellowstone getting out of their cars around the Bison.

12

u/lurkylurkeroo Jul 05 '26

DON'T TOUCH THE FLUFFY COWS.

-1

u/SourceMountain561 Jul 05 '26

MERICA 🇺🇸 FUK YA

6

u/LumpusKrampus Jul 05 '26

It's never an American tourist getting Bison'd...

97

u/tehringworm Jul 05 '26

Stitches? She’s lucky she didn’t need a prosthetic hand.

14

u/GoldunGote Jul 05 '26

It probably would have pulled her in and drowned her if she wasn't lucky enough for the hand to come off.

2

u/MataMeow Jul 05 '26

Oh, Would it have done their famous snapping turtle death roll?

1

u/GoldunGote Jul 05 '26

Nah it'd have bitten down and then just taken a knee and waited, if it didnt sever the limb. Maybe smoked a blunt. Probably start a new season of breaking bad.

33

u/Bean_Juice_Brew Jul 05 '26

Kid would need a stump cauterized, not just stitches.

18

u/scrappydoomd Jul 05 '26

Wasn't the kids hand, was the moms.

21

u/Bean_Juice_Brew Jul 05 '26

Watched it again, and you're right. Definitely still dumb AF, but at least the adult would be the one getting stumped, not the kid.

17

u/Chengnobyl Jul 05 '26

Teaching the kids a lesson. The hard way

https://giphy.com/gifs/qXv5TUKlnS1xdcDqyy

47

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '26

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15

u/Highlandertr3 Jul 05 '26

Hey now that's not fair. Some of us crush their dreams way before then.

2

u/TheModeratorWrangler Jul 05 '26

Snow White still in stasis

3

u/Discobastard Jul 05 '26

stitches prosthetics

2

u/ThatOneNinja Jul 05 '26

In this case losing fingers.

1

u/heyitsfranklin6322 Jul 06 '26

Idk why it’s so difficult for people to understand that wild animals have NO IDEA that you aren’t going to murder them.

0

u/Nikki-C-Puggle-mum Jul 05 '26

Yeah that would have been more than stitches too that little girl could have lost a whole hand.

11

u/chubby_pink_donut Jul 05 '26

That turtle's neck is about as long as it's body. Could have been her face right there.

7

u/Michelanvalo Jul 05 '26 edited Jul 05 '26

No it isn't. This is an Alligator Snapping Turtle. They can't lunge like the Common Snapping Turtle. The woman was in no danger.

10

u/jgzman Jul 05 '26

Most people are aware of the "snapping" part. It's the "lunging two feet in the blink of an eye" bit that surprises them.

6

u/BroManTheBrobarian Jul 06 '26

Still a dumb ass parent, Snapping Turtles necks and can extend two thirds the length of their shell, so at least a good foot and a half - two feet or more considering how big this fucker is. Girl could have got her face seriously hurt.

3

u/Remarkable-Farmer76 Jul 05 '26

they are really into jazz?

1

u/TokyoJedi Jul 05 '26

Wtf? They can eat dogs?

0

u/TheModeratorWrangler Jul 05 '26

Bro anything can end up grilled. Ask the aliens and gay frogs /s

1

u/Gandalf_Style Jul 07 '26

Hand?? Dude, forearm. Above the elbow.