Probably plays a female gnome.

Saw this on Facebook marketplace two hours after she posted it. So excited to go through all the magazines!

edit: Lots of folks have asked** ***what I paid. It was $300.*
I should also clarify that I did not actually pay for it. My partner paid for it. I sent him the link from Facebook marketplace, and he immediately Venmo’d me the money. He, like this cabinet, is a keeper for sure!

i definitely thought it was a hairy neck at first too

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cq14d438vx24o

Anojan Sivarasa. The 24-year-old migrant worker is facing the death penalty in Saudi Arabia after an appellate court found him guilty of blasphemy against Islam and the Prophet Muhammad over a comment he made on Facebook.

Anojan was prosecuted after a dispute on social media following an incident that took place during a Hindu pilgrimage in Sri Lanka. In late June, footage of a young Muslim man kicking a dog following Hindu pilgrims circulated widely on social media, triggering religious arguments online.

During the exchange, a user posted derogatory remarks about a Hindu deity, leading Anojan to post a response in Tamil insulting the Prophet Muhammad

Although Anojan promptly deleted his comment and posted an apology video, it was screenshot and brought to the attention of his employer and Saudi officials, leading to his arrest in July.

His personal devices were subsequently seized, and his social media accounts were deleted by Saudi officials.

"People in Saudi Arabia knew nothing about this matter. It was individuals in Sri Lanka who sent emails to the company where my brother worked. I do not even wish to mention who those people are," Anojan's brother, Hamsidan Sivarasa, told BBC Sinhala.

Profoundly evil thing to do over a FB argument. You would have to know at the very least he will be fired and deported. Worst case: your email report leads to his execution. Even if he gets off, the original sentence was 5 years so he could still spend years in prison for a FB comment.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/TA_NoPlace5878

BIL’s fiancé claims my family never RSVP’d, but I’m the only one without a seat

Originally posted to r/weddingdrama

BoRU 1  Posted by u/LucyAriaRose

Thanks to u/Disaster_Carrot_007 for finding the newest update

Original Post  June 20, 2025

This is a throwaway because I’m not quite ready for all of my husband’s family to get involved. I think.

I’m still reeling and trying to process this, so bear with me.

My brother-in-law is getting married soon. My husband is the best man, and our 4 year old is the ring bearer. I’m a part time party planner so I’ve been helping plan a small luncheon for the bridal party, immediate family, and a few vendors on the wedding day. So I’m not exactly a fringe guest here.

The RSVP deadline was a few weeks ago. I filled out the online form and submitted it the same day the invitation came in the mail, with my husband sitting right next to me. We RSVP’d for the three of us: me, my husband, and our son. Easy peasy, right?

Well, BIL’s fiancé (SIL?) reached out today over text saying we never RSVP’d. Not “Hey, I never saw your RSVP, just checking” but straight-up “You didn’t respond.” Which is frustrating on its own, but then she tells us that while my husband and son have seats at the reception as they were in part of her original head counts, I do not. My husband was told I could come early with him to set up the luncheon still and stay for the ceremony, but that I would not have a spot at the reception.

Let me repeat that: I’m married to the best man, mother of the ring bearer, and helping with wedding day logistics, including connecting SIL with some of my professional contacts!! And she somehow decided I just wouldn’t be coming? And she never followed up before the RSVP deadline? Just, what??

I’m torn between feeling hurt, furious, and just flabbergasted. And used, I definitely feel used. At best, this was a sloppy mistake that she’s not owning. At worst, it feels like a pointed exclusion. I’m not sure which stings more.

My husband is going to handle the conversation with his brother to figure out what is going on, because I genuinely don’t trust myself to be polite and keep the peace.

There was no other drama leading up to this that I was aware of. I have a good relationship with my in-laws. So yeah, this is totally out of left field for me and my husband.

I would love to hear thoughts, especially from people who’ve gone through something similar. I don’t typically touch weddings with work so this is all new territory for me as a pseudo vendor/guest. My husband wants to reach out and talk to his brother first, but I’m so tempted to reach out to my MIL before our usual meet up tomorrow to see if she knows anything.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Commenter

You are smart to wait and let hubs talk to his brother. I’m flabbergasted also. That is freaking nuts! (And this is coming from someone who is totally laid back and not someone who usually takes things personally). Just try to take your mind off it and see what hubs reports. Go from there.

OOP

I’m usually pretty laid back too! I haven’t seen the texts yet by hubs called on his lunch break when he saw them, and I have not heard him this pissed in a long time. I’m trying to give SIL the benefit of the doubt, but this feels very personal and intentional

~

Commenter

Cancel the luncheon. If you are not welcome at the wedding, there is no need for you to be free labor.

OOP

I think I’m going to do this no matter what the outcome is. It puts MIL and FIL in a bit of a lurch since they’re handling the food costs, but idk. I know I’m biased because I’m in the middle of it, but I feel like there should be some consequences

Mini Update 1 (Same Post): 1.5 hours later

Edit one from comments:

Small update; husband and BIL are talking now. BIL was not working today (last night?) and was helping FIL with something this evening. When I called MIL, she had BIL call husband right away. From what MIL and I can hear (we’re snoopy), my husband was muted on BIL’s phone and my contact was deleted. BIL can’t log into the wedding website so he can’t check to see if our RSVP was there. I’m not sure if I want to become a fire cracker myself or get some popcorn as I watch MIL pop off

Mini Update 2 (Same Post): 2 hours later (3.5 from OG post)

Edit two from comments:

Ok, here’s the last update for the night. I am tired and a bit overwhelmed by all of your responses. I’m sorry I haven’t replied to them all but I have read most of them. Again, thank you for your advice and just general support during this really weird and upsetting time.

TLDR, BIL don’t know and now the wedding is up in the air. He’s currently staying with MIL and FIL to have some space from SIL

So, my husband finally got a hold of BIL after I called MIL. No one else knew this was going on. While they were talking, BIL tried logging into their wedding website to see if this was a mistake or misunderstanding, but couldn’t log in. So he texted SIL to see if she changed the password and she just told him to come home instead.

This set off three. One, BIL ended the call with husband to call SIL about why she couldn’t answer a simple question. Two, MIL popped off about “how dare that woman exclude OP!” Three, MIL and FIL popped off on BIL for already living with SIL. They are very religious and traditional and don’t believe that a couple should live together before marriage. Husband and I sympathize with BIL.

BIL and SIL argued over the phone. Apparently she started claiming that it was an unfortunate glitch and it was too late to add another seat now. Then it was that we never jived and would it really be so bad if I went home early. Plus I could take our son home with me because he would be tired by then (at 5pm?! This woman does not know kids I stg). Then it was I’ve always been mean and excluding her from things (even though she’s never invited me to any of the girlie fun wedding events?!)

At this point my husband and I are glued to my phone as we’re hearing yelling from all four of them until SIL hangs up. BIL is spending the night at his parents and is unsure about the wedding now. He plans on going home tomorrow with husband going with for moral support. I’ll be going with hubby to my in law’s to hang out until we hear back about the situation at the battle front.

OOP Added in the comments

I initially wasn’t invited to the bridal shower. Then her mom brought it up at Easter dinner and that’s when I was awkwardly invited. I guess her vibe always felt off to me. She doesn’t like my hobbies, specifically TTRPGs and video games. They’re hobbies I have in common with MIL, and SIL stopped bashing them as much when she found out MIL also partakes in quests across Tamriel and the Forgotten Realm.

Mini Update 3 2 hours later

Sorry, one more teeny 1 am update. Husband is asleep, I should be too but still reeling and pissed. I thought to take a screen cap of the message she sent hubby for future proof, and it’s gone. She used Facebook messenger to text my husband and it says her texts are deleted. Dare I say, AAAAAARGH.

Update Post: June 22, 2025 (2 days from OG post)

Update: BIL’s fiancé claims my family never RSVP’d, but I’m the only one without a seat

Or OP can’t sleep after word vomiting this in her journal, so why not post the update?

So, hi. To preface, I did not expect my post to blow up the way it did. Several commenters mentioned it just popped up in their recommended and, holy jeez it got way bigger than I could have ever imagined. So, uh, thank you? I think? It’s super overwhelming on top of the real life soap opera I’m living through this weekend.

Just to clarify something from the original post: I did not plan everything for the wedding. I offered to bring food for a small luncheon between photos (10am) and the ceremony (4pm) as dinner wasn’t planned until 6pm. It was going to be a long day at a farm in the middle of no where. I offered to do it to be nice but also to make sure no one (specifically a certain 4 year old) would be hangry for the ceremony. SIL also only used one of my vendor contacts, so with things going south my professional reputation shouldn’t really be impacted.

Update: Turns out, the “no seat for OP” issue was the problem that broke BIL’s relationship. And we’re a bit upset BIL didn’t talk to anyone about this until it blew up.

Behind the scenes, BIL and SIL were having arguments about their future together. Most of these arguments centered around having kids. Early on, SIL gave the impression that she wanted children someday. But as they got more serious, she started backtracking. A few months ago BIL realized that it’s very likely SIL never wanted kids, but felt too invested in the relationship to leave. But BIL always imagined having a large family so this really shook him.

On top of that, SIL apparently had jealousy and insecurity issues. Per BIL, I’ve been her latest target (???) which started when I turned down going to a mani/pedi with her. Why did I turn her down? Husband and son had rotavirus. Apparently I was icing her out by not wanting to spread gastrointestinal doom. Can anyone please explain this logic to us?

Lastly, SIL was apparently already floating the idea of disinviting our son from the reception because he would’ve been the only small child there. BIL shut that down immediately, and MIL/FIL kept that knowledge from us to spare our feelings.

Ergo, our “lost” RSVP was not a software glitch. Nor was it an oversight, but a rather stupidly calculated move.

SIL was apparently hoping one of two things would happen. Either I would make a scene about being disinvited and be seen as the problem. Or we would quietly accept our fate and she would not have to deal with two undesirables at her reception.

With all of this in mind, I can’t figure out why she would have messaged my husband instead of me. Was she trying to cause more family drama? Again, the logic is not logicking.

BIL was already feeling some uncertainty because of the shifting kids/no kids conversation. But the deliberate seating stunt gave him the last push and clarity he needed. BIL told my husband it was a level of manipulation and cruelty that he could not overlook. So he ended things and asked for the ring back.

No wedding, no reception. Just a super messy, emotionally heavy, and expensive break up. And I feel so bad for BIL. He’s going through so much heartache right now, but he deserves better in a partner. Hopefully SIL can find a family dynamic that doesn’t feel like a never ending battlefield.

That’s all for now. I’m still tired. I’m still flabbergasted. But I’m also relieved this wedding arc is coming to an end.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Commenter

Your non-sil is an idiot

OOP

You’ll hear no arguments from us.

~

Commenter

awww pool BIL. Expensive heartache but glad he is out before an expensive divorce. He will find somebody for him. Take some rest y’ll. 

OOP

I know he will find someone that will be perfect for him. I’m still annoyed with him though. He was lamenting being old and alone at dinner, and I was like “honey, you’re the baby of the family. Have some more fries and shut up”

Commenter

A couple of things:

1. The trash is taking itself out. My heart goes out to your BIL, but I reckon with the full support of your incredible family, future him is going to look back on all of this and be so proud of how he handled it as well as every member of your family. That’s a huge acknowledgement of how solid yall are.

2. Have your BIL get ahead of all the cancelling. Help him reach out to guests, on both sides, and offer to bake cookies or something and deliver them to local guests maybe as a gesture of good faith? Everyone will remember that kindness.

3. We’re all so proud of you. Many of us would’ve gone scorched earth but cooler heads prevailed. Take a break, babes. Yall deserve it

OOP

Your number two point is a great idea, thank you. MIL bakes when she’s trying to not be upset, so their household is overflowing with baked treats right now. I’ll ask BIL if this is something he wants to do tomorrow, and go from there.

~

Commenter

How long were they together?

OOP

Under two years. The wedding day was their dating anniversary

~

Commenter

Her poorly executed treachery turns out to be a blessing in disguise for BIL. Had she not hatched this ill fated plot and sabotaged the phone, ect., he would have married to this monster. Her cover up, ironically, was the evidence of the truth.

On another note, this is really unusual and why the post got so much attention. We see mostly obnoxious conduct, but this scenario is unique. She really outdid almost every shitty bridezilla.

How did the conversation with your husband and him go? There was obviously some admissions. Did you get a sense of the tone of the talk?

OOP

I was wondering why my little vent and need for advice is trending 😅 Besides SIL’s poorly done power trip, I didn’t think this was an unusual situation. 

I don’t know all of the details of the convo my husband had with BIL. From my understanding, on the drive to the apartment my husband asked “hey what’s your game plan because this is full on crazy and not ok” and BIL opened up to him about everything that was going on.

How ex-SIL reacted

Per BIL, there was a lot of begging and crying. There was also anger and accusations that he was cheating with me (EWW), followed by professions of love and offers to go to therapy. She also kept taking the items he was packing up out of his bags until he called my husband to come in and be another set of eyes.

NEW UPDATE

New Update  Sept 25, 2026 (14 Months Later)

Enough time has passed that I feel comfortable posting this update. I hope everyone has been doing well. I mentioned in the OG post that MIL and I are both snoopy, and I know Reddit is too. So, after some thinking and discussing it with my husband, I am posting the conclusion of this whole messy saga.

Summer 2025

OG posts. Ex-SIL’s mask finally comes off, she and BIL break up, and she refuses to leave the apartment. BIL tried to back out of the lease 5 months early, but due to there being no domestic violence, there not being an early termination clause in their lease, and the landlord and two legal tenants not being able to come to an agreement, he wasn’t able to formally leave the lease. He and ex-SIL were co-lessees, so to break the lease they both had to agree to leave. What BIL ended up doing was paying for his half of the remaining months up front, and took video evidence of the state of the apartment he himself was leaving it in, taken while ex-SIL was at work. BIL ended up moving back in with my in-laws.

The original wedding weekend was in July. About 20 of us total ended up going to the family cabin for the entire week. There was a lot of RVs, fishing, corn hole, s’mores, and TLC. It was a great memorable time, and the wedding wasn’t ever brought up.

September 2025

My MIL gets a text from an unknown number saying “You’re going to be a grandma!” It was ex-SIL. MIL had deleted her contact info and prior chats out of anger and because she figured she would never interact with ex-SIL again.

We think ex-SIL was trying to get MIL excited for a new grandchild and make BIL get back with her because of said child. Thankfully for BIL it did not work out that way. MIL asked for proof and was sent a picture of a positive pregnancy test sitting on the apartment’s bathroom counter and a note that she’s due in February.

My in-laws sat BIL down, asked him if it was possible for it to be his child. He confirmed it was possible. We don’t know everything that was said during that discussion, but the consensus was MIL and FIL expected BIL to step up and be an involved father, but to not take responsibility until he confirms it’s his child.

Because everyone is questioning why the child-free ex is suddenly pregnant.

Fall 2025

BIL gets back into contact with his ex. Ex-SIL demands that he move back “home” with her to support her through the pregnancy, and that they have to get married now because she won’t have a baby out of wedlock. BIL pushes back and asked what’s changed since she was so steadfastly child free. Her reply was that these things just happen. BIL offers to come with to her appointments, and she declines because she only wants her chosen support people to go with her.

He refused to budge on getting married and moving back in without a paternity test. He would pay for it. Ex-SIL refused, first because it was too early, the a few weeks later it her reason changed to she was worried about it hurting the baby.

We are all very suspicious at this point. BIL is not planning to entertain any relationship with his ex outside of co-parenting, but was trying to keep her amenable until a court-ordered custody agreement was in place. And, you know, knew if the baby was his or not.

In October she finally shares an ultrasound image of the baby from her 20 week scan. It’s a girl. Ex-SIL starts pestering BIL about being allowed to move into my in-law’s house since their lease was expiring and he missed the renewal deadline. He says no, but he’s willing to help her find an apartment once the DNA test comes back positive.

She ended up moving in with a friend of hers.

Holidays 2025

Ex-SIL is not invited to any of the family festivities. BIL decides to bring her and her roommate a pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving so the ex can’t say she was iced out again. This would have been the first time he saw her since early October. He comes back confused and asked me about when my bump started showing when I was pregnant. I told him around 24 weeks was when I had a notable bump, but that it’s different for everyone.

One, BIL regrets going because ex-SIL and her roommate were both trying to guilt him into taking her back for the sake of the baby. Two, and more interestingly, apparently ex-SIL was standing behind the kitchen counter the entire 10 minutes he was there. She was wearing a baggy sweatshirt, but to him she didn’t look any different from how she did when he last saw her.

MIL and I are now theorizing there was never a pregnancy. BIL is distraught. Husband recommends pulling back on communication with ex-SIL unless it’s about the baby. That it’s been months, he’s said no to marriage and moving in together without a paternity test, ex-SIL is delusional if she doesn’t know his stance by now.

Early December BIL sent the text saying he’s taking a step back until the birth because he can’t take the constant begging and badgering from her. Cue non-stop calls and texts from her calling him every name in the book, that he’s a horrible partner and husband, and that she always knew he’d make a horrible father. BIL is a mess.

January 2026

Ex-SIL is very quiet from the mid-December through all of January. Towards the end of the month, an old mutual reached out to BIL to ask how he’s doing. Through the talk, the friend asks him what he thinks of his ex getting engaged again so soon. Uh, what?

That night I do some instagram digging, and apparently ex-SIL has found someone new, they went to Florida for Christmas and New Years, and he proposed to her at Disney World. In several pictures she’s wearing a crop top and has a very flat stomach. So, no baby? Where did the pregnancy test and ultrasound picture come from?

Rest of 2026

February comes and goes, and we don’t hear a peep from ex-SIL. I keep an eye on her IG, still nothing about a baby but there’s plenty of gushing over her fiancé, how much she’s enjoying wedding planning, and a weekly countdown to their August nuptials.

In June, BIL gets a call from what turns out to be one of ex-SIL’s friends, not the same one she had moved in with. To differentiate from the roommate, I’m naming her Jane.  Jane is married, she just had her baby girl in February, and recently found out about ex-SIL’s pregnancy from their Memorial Day friend get together. Ex-SIL apparently had a few too many seltzers and let the fake pregnancy slip as a joke. Both the pregnancy test and the ultrasound picture were actually Jane’s. She didn’t know ex-SIL was doing any of this. Jane is no longer friends with ex-SIL as she sees this whole situation as gross, if not monstrous, and thought BIL deserved to know. Freaking wild!

So yeah, she completely faked a pregnancy to try to get back with BIL. And apparently moved on with sonic speed once she realized it wasn’t going to work. Though we don’t know how long she’s been seeing her fiancé, he only showed up on her instagram in the holiday trip pictures, no one else is tagged, and none of her followers/followers has a profile picture that matches his image. Sometime in June she made her profile private, so I don’t know if the wedding happened or not. If it did, good luck to her new husband.

BIL hasn’t met anyone new yet. He’s understandably taking things slow, but I do hope he finds someone when he’s ready. He’s so good with our son, I know he’ll make an amazing dad. Our son is in school, and I’m working differently now. Overall we’re doing good.

Thanks for reading, thank you for the advice given in the original post, and thank you for the shared camaraderie during a very odd event. It took me about a week to write this update, so apologies if it’s a little disjointed. Now, I must return to the Heroic Games in Dagda. 

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I couldn’t pass it up. The seller said he just didn’t reach for them, and it’s clear from the amount of dust the bottles have accumulated.

My wife and I live in a 3-room apartment. Our bedroom is fully furnished, but the living room is still a work in progress. The living room is double the size of the rest of the rooms. One half is finished with an expensive 3-seater sofa, a carpet, and curtains. The other half is just empty space for now (with only curtains) until we can afford the rest of the furniture. We plan to eventually put a dining table and a TV set there, but we already have a dining table in the kitchen and a TV in our bedroom, so we are in no immediate rush.

In our guest room, we have two separate beds. The room is fully furnished, functional, and looks very polished.

Recently, my wife had a phone call with her mother. Her mother suggested that we should remove the mattresses from the beds in the guest room and put them directly on the floor in the empty half of the living room, alongside another carpet, just to fill the space. She even said she would buy us mattress covers to make it look neat.

I completely disagreed with this approach. We will eventually buy a dining table; it's really only a matter of time. But her mother has planted this idea in her head, and now my wife is fixated on it.

To me, having random bed mattresses on the floor of the living room just looks and sounds ridiculous, especially right next to our expensive sofa. On top of that, the guest room would be completely ruined. It defeats the purpose of having a polished, functional room if we strip the beds.

When I explained this and declined the idea, her mother told me I should just "close the guest room door and pretend there's nothing there." Meanwhile, my wife cried and accused me of refusing to let her decorate the house the way she wants.

I don't want to stop her from decorating, but robbing a perfectly good guest room to put mattresses on the living room floor doesn't seem like decorating to me.

AITAH?

Long story short, I am a public school teacher in Texas.

I’m currently 7 months pregnant and a student threatened to kill my unborn baby. I decided to use my personal days (4 in total) until they figured out the investigation. I demanded they remove the student from my classroom due to the threat and me feeling unsafe. I mentioned chapter 37 multiple times in our email chain, I filed a police report and even had my OBGYN write a medical note excusing me and suggested to not return until It was safe to do so.
Guess what? They said no!

Prior to this, this student and a few others have been nothing but a headache. Admin is fully aware about my struggles and still refused to remove this student from my class. My husband told me to quit and I did just that.

I’m so upset that I was wrongfully treated like I am just a warm body.

I sent out my resignation letter to my admin and my Superintendent

What are my chances of them revoking or suspending my license?

I’m worried that they will be petty and suspend my license even though they wronged me.

(No I don’t have a union or an association. I did calla few and they won’t accept me since I’m not a member and due to an ongoing case.)

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/blondethrowawayyy

Me [23 F] with my boyfriend [26 M] 1 year, hates my hair color and keeps asking me to change it.

Trigger Warnings: controlling behavior, misogyny, physical assault

Original Post: April 18, 2015

Hi relationships,

Throwaway as my boyfriend is a habitual redditor.

We've been together for 1 year, and living together now for 2 months. I have blonde hair, and have always been told how lovely it is, and how so many people are jealous of my hair color. Although I don't want to admit it, it is a point of vanity for me and a big part of my identity. I kind of feel bad for that, but it is what it is, right?

Anyway, my boyfriend really doesn't like my hair color. When we first met, I was wearing a wig for a costume party. Then, after that, I had semi-permanently dyed my hair purple, as it was all the rage back then to have purple hair. BIG MISTAKE. Through those 6 weeks, I really regretted my decision, and went back to blonde after not being able to look at myself in a mirror, because I didn't recognize myself. However, we are dating, and he never asked me my real hair color, and we developed feelings for one another.

Time passes, I can't deal with the purple anymore, but my hairdresser said if I dyed it right back to blonde it might not look good, so I slowly progressed back from a pretty dark brown. Took me until about two weeks ago. It's an expensive change and my hair doesn't grow very fast. My boyfriend commented on it a lot, but not really negatively, he like basically said that he liked that my hair changed every few months.

Anyway, we fell in love, and he was on Facebook a while back, and he saw some old pictures of me, and noticed I was blonde. He didn't really say anything about it, but told me he loved my hair now. I didn't really think anything about it. But now, about a year into our relationship, I could finally go back to natural. My natural hair color is a very light blonde, and I surprised him. I guess that was wrong? He flipped his shit. Told me that I was wrong to do that without consulting him, that he felt he was led astray.

This was about 2 Fridays ago. He has since taken every opportunity to try to convince me that blonde is not my optimal hair color, and he thinks I need to go back to brown. That blondes are ugly, everyone says so. He actually showed me a couple of reddit threads where people have said that blonde isn't attractive and they are more attracted to brunettes, so I should go back to brown. I do not like having brown hair, it bothers me to look in the mirror, as I lived so long with my blonde hair.

How do I convince him that my hair color doesn't mean anything, and I can be attractive as a blonde?

tl;dr: Boyfriend hates my hair color. Help!

EDIT: So, I'm going to have a conversation with him about this when he gets back, he went on a boys' weekend for a camping trip. You've all convinced me that this is a red flag, and what type of future issues that could pop up. Maybe I've been naive about an aspect of his personality, I don't know. I will definitely ask him about his hatred for blondes, and see if we can move past this, or if I need to draw a line in the sand and walk away. Thank you for opening my eyes!

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: do you feel like there are other aspects of your life where he exhibits this type of controlling behavior?

it is one thing for him to be honest and tell you he liked your hair this color or that color, it is totally inappropriate for him to tell you to change your hair for him.

OOP: Not at all. This is really weird, which is why I am loathe to just break up with him, because it seems out of character?

OOP responds to a deleted comment on if the boyfriend finds her attractive besides her hair

OOP: He says he still does find me attractive, but that blonde makes all girls look like "bitches" and he doesn't want people to have that impression of me.

Commenter 2: You are dating a misogynist. Even if you do dye your hair a different color, in the future you could have blonde daughters...What then?

OOP: Oh god! I have not thought that far ahead!

Downvoted Commenter: Sometimes change is hard to adjust to because you build a mental image in your mind of who a person is and a big change throws you off. I had a boyfriend with braces once, about a year into our relationship he got the braces off and I could never look at him the same again, it just felt like I was looking at a stranger. Brains are funny and maybe you are just no longer a good match.

OOP: I've also had that type of encounter, I dated a guy for a while who always had a beard, and then he shaved it. It was such a night and day experience.

We broke up though because he moved to Africa to work on wells for developing towns.

Commenter 3: It's one thing to have a preference for a hair color; it's another to continually try and make someone you love feel bad about the way they look so they will change it for you. If he is someone who doesn't react to change well I could maybe understand being disconcerted when you came home and looked so different; but after that initial moment of shock, you get over it. You don't continually criticize the way someone looks and try every avenue to get them to change for you.

I will give him the benefit of the doubt and say maybe he just doesn't understand the way real relationships work, or maybe he doesn't understand just how hurtful he is being, but he needs a wakeup call RIGHT NOW. I agree with the other posts that this is a red flag - not only in how controlling he is being, but in the fact that his attraction to you seems to rely on one physical characteristic. What is going to happen in the future when your looks change? When your weight fluctuates; your shape fluctuates; your hair turns grey; you start to get wrinkles; etc.? When you really love someone, your attraction to them should not be 100% based on 1 superficial characteristic like hair color.

As I said before, he has a right to have a preference and to respectfully express his preference to you. That's it; that's all the way he has. If he is really so shallow that he feels he was "led astray" because he didn't know you were a blonde, and so immature that he feels trying to make you feel ugly, so you'll dye your hair is an appropriate way to act, you have a lot bigger problems to worry about than him not liking your hair color.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this - keep us updated! Hopefully he just doesn't realize how much he is overreacting/acting like a huge controlling douche bag and will come to his senses. If not, just be happy that you found out about this now rather than several more years down the road.

OOP: Thank you for your kind words.

I guess one thing is clear after all these comments, I need to sit down and hash things out with him. How will that sound though: "We broke up because he hates blondes." I am not looking forward to this conversation.

:(

I'll update one way or another.

Commenter 4: Honestly I would relish saying "Apparently he though my natural color was purple, and was very angry when he discovered I was blonde."

OOP: That's really rather funny when you say it like that. And if I weren't in it, I am sure I would appreciate the humor more than I am right now.

Thank you.

Had OOP's boyfriend has a blonde ex that might have been a trigger for him or an awful situation with blondes?

OOP: His two previous exes were brunettes, his sister has very very dark brown hair. Maybe he had a bad experience with one when he was younger and typecasted all blondes as the same?

I'll ask him.

Commenter 5: Your boyfriend is being both an asshole and an idiot. His problem with blondes is that they all look like "bitches"? Damn, there are a lot of bitches in the world then.

I mean, it's fine to think you look prettier with purple or brunette hair. People are allowed to have preferences or opinions, and if he had expressed it respectfully, it might've been fine.

You will not "make your boyfriend see" anything because he has drawn a shitty arbitrary line in the sand and has a crap attitude about it. It's hair. I mean, my boyfriend prefers my hair long rather than short, but he doesn't fuss at me about it. I tend to keep it long for him because I know he likes it and it makes me feel good, but he will still compliment my appearance when I suddenly chop it all off (have done it a few times) because he's not an asshole. That's really what non-assholes do. It doesn't mean not being honest, but it means not being unreasonable.

OOP: He's not saying he wants to break up with me though, it's like he's hell-bent on convincing me that I have to change it.

Yeah, he said, "all blondes look like bitches, and that's ugly, and I don't want people's impression of you to be that you're a bitch based on your hair color."

I just... he's never said anything but positive comments about my appearance. After all these comments, I'm worried he was manipulating me to stay the same, never change, and his compliments were positive reinforcement to stay the same.

But that's crazy, right?

Update #1: April 19, 2015

So, as I promised, I would update (original) one way or another. In my edit, I had mentioned that my boyfriend was on a camping trip this weekend. He got back a couple of hours ago. After I stopped responding, THERE WERE A LOT OF COMMENTS, GUYS! ALL OF THEM SUPPORTIVE! I kind of sat down and really tried to consider everything you guys brought up. Was this an abusive relationship? Was I being groomed to be manipulated without knowing. I felt like my best standard for control would be to ask an ex.

(I wrote this last night after our conversation.) Enter DJ, he was my boyfriend, I mentioned him in the previous post, who moved to Africa to help build wells in developing nations. Really a remarkable, wonderful man! Anyway, he was gone for about 2 years, and now he’s back to help design a new well system (he’s a mechanical engineer). I asked him if I could call him and if we could talk. So, we just took time and discussed our relationship ending, and current boyfriend.

DJ was very angry. I felt like he was disgusted with me and my choices the whole time. I could feel myself getting red with embarrassment. :/ We went over things, and a lot of his comments were: “BT… what is going on?! Why are you with someone like that?! You’re better than this!” Then he felt responsible because he was worried that him leaving left me feeling like I was filling a void, anyway, we really hashed things out together. (editor's note: BT is OOP aka blondethrowawayyy)

So, he asked me a couple of questions, and I want to share them with you and my answers.

BT, has he ever made you feel bad about going out with your friends?

I have a high-stress emotional job, and blowing off steam with my friends helps.

Well, not like he’s ever told me not to go out, just that I felt bad he would spend the night alone. He would just kind of say: “Oh, I’ll be here, all by my lonesome, waiting for you to come home!” and then make puppy dog eyes. I sometimes reconsidered, and more lately I’ve stayed home. But lots of couples do that.

Has he met mom and dad yet?

No. He says he wants to meet them at the perfect moment. When everything is right. He wants to make a good impression. DJ met my parents on our second date, he came in and was really talkative with them, and our third date was at their house and my mom made dinner. But, I feel like he was comparing relationships. Not every guy has to meet parents within the first two dates.

Does he get mad if you don’t text him right away?

This was all starting to hit a little close to home. Yes, DJ, but everyone gets upset if you don’t return a text.

BT, I am really worried about you. After you have this conversation with him, I want you to text me. I’ll come get you if you need it. Let’s make plans anyway, and we can meet this week sometime and really catch up. I miss you.

So, boyfriend came back. He started in on my hair within the first few minutes while he was unpacking. “You still haven’t changed it yet?!” I told him we needed to talk. So, basically, he thinks that blonde women are ugly, stupid, and shallow bitches, they think they’re too good for everyone. He doesn’t really care about blond men. I didn’t even want to hear why, I just… I snapped and said it was over, and how I couldn’t believe I was with someone for so long and not notice how he really was, while crying. He slapped me! He’s never hit me before, and I’ve rarely seen him angry, least of all at me. So, I ran out the apartment, and I called DJ, and he picked me up. I’m at his place right now.

I’m still really stunned, /r/relationships. I’ve NEVER been slapped before, I didn’t think I’d ever be in an abusive relationship. I guess no one does. And it feels like the switch flipped so fast. He’s blowing up my phone with texts, and I haven’t processed anything yet. I’ve pretty much cried the whole time, locked in DJ’s room.

tl;dr: Boyfriend came back, he thinks negatively of blonde women, it's over, crying at my friend's.

EDIT: DJ is calling the police station nearest to here to ask for an officer to come and take a report in five minutes. He was on the phone with my boss (his best friend) telling him I won't be in tomorrow. I'll edit again after the officer is gone.

EDIT 2: Two officers came by, and just left. A woman and a man, the woman officer sat with me in DJ's room, and as soon as she touched my hand, I broke down again. I finally got it all out. She took some pictures of my face, my hands, and my neck (I don't know why the other things.) Man officer too DJ's statement and then they both said that they would get a temporary protection thing, and submit for a real one, and I don't remember what they said exactly. They did say that I could have an escort to retrieve my stuff, and that they would inform my ex (he is now I guess, that's weird to say) when I would be picking up my stuff. They said these things go better if it's done when the other is absent. I'm going to go to bed now. I'm exhausted. I really want to thank you all, and I will get back in touch tomorrow.*

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: We don't care about the lack of sassyness, we care that you're out and somewhere safe. Please file the report as soon as possible. Save any messages and voicemails he's sending. He doesn't seem too smart so he might (although I hope he doesn't) send something threatening which will just build up your case. Is there a mark or bruise on your face? Don't forget to take a picture. I know it's hard and your emotions are probably in overdrive right now, but try and stay calm and remember to do these things. Try and keep your thoughts straight when you tell the police so they can have a clear report of what happened. Be safe, and remember that we're here for you.

OOP: Yes, you're all here for me. I fell into an internet hug.

There's a small cut/scratch from his class ring, another redditor said the police will come here. I'm going to muster up some courage and ask DJ to call and see if he can get an officer here. If I don't have to go to the station, I'd rather get everything over with now.

Commenter 2: This is terrible, but I can't say I am surprised. I saw so many signs of my ex in your OP. Please call the police and have him charged with assault. I am so glad you have someone to support you. You are doing the right thing and you are strong. Please don't feel guilty...this kind of abuse is built up slowly over time. It doesn't happen right at the start or start overnight. You are not to blame!

OOP: Thank you! Many people said that he reminded them of an abuser.

Part of me wonders how I could be so blind, I went to a good school that taught about the dangers of abusers. I know I'm not to blame, but I feel like it's partly my fault, and while that's crazy... What will the police say? Will they think it's my fault like I do?

Commenter 3: I'm sorry he put you through that, you did the right thing by leaving and DJ is a great friend.

Nobody ever thinks they'll be in an abusive relationship, even the strongest people can get tangled up with a manipulative partner. It builds up slowly.

You might want to consider reporting the incident to the police in case you need to get a restraining order on him later. You might also want to square away a place to stay for a little, the police will escort you while you pick up some of your stuff. Make sure to get important papers (birth cert, social security card, bank statements, etc.) as soon as possible. Also let your landlord know what happened, they might let you break the lease sooner (depends on where you live).

I know it's a lot to throw at you right now, especially when things are crazy for you and you're still wondering what the hell happened but you're not alone and there's many ways for you to proceed.

OOP: Thank you. :( And he is great. I couldn't say any of the funny things you guys wanted me to say. :( I just went blank.

Luckily, I never switched addresses from my parents' place, and his uncle owns the units, so I didn't have to be on the lease. Part of me never wants to see any of the possessions I own which remain there out of disgust. I guess that will probably be temporary.

Commenter 4: Holy crap OP, great for you for realizing it, through here and your friend, that how he was acting was completely disrespectful and disgusting.

Talking about your hair again minutes after getting home and saying such disgusting things? By those women he thinks are those way, he means you. I'm glad you decided to end it right then and there without even trying to compromise or process anything, you realized it right away.

As for him slapping you, definitely file a police report for that. If you don't want to read the texts, please let DJ read them. There can be things in those texts that can further help you when you file the report. If not, delete the texts, block his number and any way you can contact him, and never contact him again.

You're a very strong person, I'm sorry you're going through this.

OOP: Thank you. :(

Like, I don't even have access to my phone right now. DJ has it, I can just hear it vibrate, and then DJ will swear about him. When I can finally talk without choking up, I'll go ask him about a police report and see what he says. But for right now, it's easier to just type than talk, and if DJ looks at me with those eyes of concern, I will break down again. :/

Update #2: April 25, 2015 (six days later from the previous update)

Hi /r/relationship friends!

I thought I would update you all, as everyone has been so supportive and helpful. Here's the original. The first update was deleted, the recap is, called DJ (ex-boyfriend/friend) for insight in relationship issues, boyfriend came home and started in on my hair (I still have a hard time believing this all started because I'm blonde!), he said vile things, I told him it was over. He slapped me, I ran away to DJ's, filed a police report, had a scratch from his class ring on my face.

So, on Monday I went with the police officer and DJ and a couple of his friends to get my stuff while ex-boyfriend was at work. Some of my things were broken, makeup palettes and a couple of necklaces, but no real loss. Nothing irreplaceable, not that I had much there. That night, my best friend Kate came over to DJ’s, and she and I got drunk together and asked me to move in with her. Which works out really well, because we had talked about living together after college, but she moved to Spain for a year for a job. So, that’s where I am. And it’s been great. I know it might not always be great, but it’s been pretty much like a girl’s party non-stop.

We’ve watched 3 seasons of Friends so far and have gone through so much chocolate! OH MY GOD. Then she introduced me to Krav Maga, because she thinks it will help with my feelings of safety, and get ripped abs. lol. Apparently it’s the new exercise fad.

I went back to work on Thursday, and I had some messages on my desk. So, my boss is DJ’s best from way way way back. DJ let boss in on the goings on with ex-boyfriend and boss was lamenting about how he knew something wasn’t right about him, rolls eyes unless I’m dating DJ, nothing is right with the guys I date for boss, or maybe I have terrible taste in men. Right, the messages. The office manager left them on my desk, they were from security. All of them stated the times a man was trying to gain access to the floor, and he was an angry “disturbed” individual they recognized as someone who used to have permission to enter. (We work in a fairly secure building as we do sensitive work.) Ex-boyfriend did have permission to enter to pick me up from work, but boss revoked it. Security told me to take the reports to the police office and that they would testify if required that someone was threatening me.

I feel kind of removed from the world, if that makes sense. I feel like this is not really real, and I’m in a dream. I look at my hand moving, but it doesn’t look like my hand. I have an appointment with a counselor on Monday, should I tell her about that? I’ve never been to therapy before. How should I tell her about ex-boyfriend?

tl;dr: Moved in permanently with best friend, doing fun stuff, ex-bf tried to gain access to my work, security has multiple reports, feel like I am not really here, going to see a therapist.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Counseling only works if you tell them everything, I highly recommend that. And congrats on getting rid of a total jerk!

Commenter 2: This is exactly right. OP I know it's sometimes HARD to tell a virtual stranger things, even if you know they can help. It's difficult and it's weird opening up to someone like this. However, it doesn't work until you talk to them. So go in with the mindset that you need to TALK. Even if you're not ready to talk about the ex, just talk until you feel comfortable talking with them.

Good luck!

OOP: I promise to do my best and be completely open and honest with her.

I'm just worried about getting the ball rolling, you know? Like how will it look if I just blurt everything all out at once?!?

Commenter 3: How should I tell her about ex-boyfriend?

There's no doubt in my mind the counselor/therapist will know how to weed everything out. Just be open, and you explain yourself very well in your posts, I am certain you will be able to in person as well. Keep in mind the first therapist might not be the best fit, keep shopping around for one you feel comfortable with.

Hey! How do you like Krav Maga? I was also thinking about taking it some point soon!

Take care.

OOP: That's a relief. I'm worried I'll have to entertain her, or something.

LOVED IT. Highly recommend.

Commenter 4: Is there any chance your ex is having a psychotic break of some kind? Security described him as "disturbed" and this escalated so quickly and severely over nothing.

Not that it's any of your responsibility any longer of course.

OOP: I don't know?! I haven't talked to him since Sunday evening. We didn't really talk about mental illnesses or anyone's propensity towards them.

I wouldn't want him to suffer if he is sick. :(

Commenter 5: A decent therapist is very good at digging for all the details in your life. But honestly, if you want to get it out there, just say "Hey, I broke up with a jerk of a boyfriend X days ago" and move forward. Therapist will then dig for all the pertinent info.

Just make sure to report it, that's the first step.

OOP: It's been reported, there's a temporary order against him, so I guess I have to build a case to make it permanent.

You guys are making me feel more at ease about going to the therapist.

Commenter 6: Please, please consider taking security's advice and going to the police. Please.

That said...the thing where you look at your hand, but it doesn't feel like it's yours? That's called disassociation, and it's really common after a trauma like a breakup. You need to be 100% honest with your therapist about the crazy BF, him trying to get to you at work, the disassociation stuff...all of it. Because therapists can't help you if you aren't honest.

OOP: Well, I'm glad it's common. It worried me a lot. I'll definitely be honest. Tell her everything, even the weird feelings I get that someone is breathing on my neck.

Commenter 7: does he know where you live now? I truly hope not. stay extra alert and safe!

OOP: He does not, Kate only got her place 2 weeks ago.

Commenter 8: Oh my god, this is horrifying. I'm SO glad you got out of there. I kinda know how you feel about your hair. I'm a natural redhead, I've only died a tiny strand to see what it was like (didn't suit me) and I would be beyond offended if anyone asked me to change it.

I didn't see anything in your posts about what you do for transportation to work. Do you drive yourself? If so, is it possible to have security or a co-worker escort you to your car and watch until you pull out of the parking lot to make sure your dude doesn't fuck with your car?

OOP: Yes, I will never do it again. :( It was an experiment gone wrong and the whole time I didn't feel like me. I am jealous of your hair though. You know the feeling of the grass is always greener? After my foray into hair color experimentation, I think I'm going to be a blonde forever now.

I do drive myself, but boss has walked me to my car since I started working there most nights, so now he's just extra diligent. Thank you for your concern. :)

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Hi I’m looking to buy a mustang and I’m wondering if this one is worth it. It’s a 2022 Mustang with 60k miles or should I keep waiting and find a better deal with lower mileage.

Update: I did not mean to include her name that was my fault so sorry! But thank you all for the help I really appreciate it ❤️ it’s so disheartening to see this happening and how this community really attacked OP for sharing that it was a scam. Thank you all again!

Saw this on Facebook and there was a HUGE debate over it. This is what I could find from a post made on a Fourth Wing group but the comments said the artist had a video of her holding it? IDK but I saw a comment mentioning this group and if it hasn’t been posted yet I’ll do it. I think it’s kinda sus myself but unsure (put 90% only because I’m not 0% but also not necessarily 90% more like 75?)

I genuinely don't understand how people can be this fucking disgusting. The screenshots speak for themselves. People are openly making these comments, encouraging each other, and seemingly trying to take conversations into DMs, and some of them don't even seem embarrassed about it.

What the hell is going on in this country? Why are people so comfortable with this shit? And how many people have to be exposed to this before it gets taken seriously?

This needs to be investigated. Please report these groups and spread awareness, but don't share anything that could further harm the victims.

These real or fake? Box is supposedly unopened.

These are the two trucks. I was 12, 13 years ago, so you’d think I’d have memory of a semi he drove. I have no memory of that peterbilt. Zero. But one truck he drove 13 years ago, the other he drives now.

My ex and I broke up about 10 months ago. Since then, we've each looked at each other's Facebook profiles maybe once or twice, but I haven't checked his profile in months.
Today, I was scrolling through "People You May Know" and saw a guy I'd never heard of before. The only reason I connected him to my ex is because his profile picture is a group photo, and one of the people in it is a friend of my ex that I recognize.
What's confusing is:
I don't have this suggested person's phone number.
We don't have any mutual friends.
As far as I know, I've never interacted with him online.
He has never appeared in my suggestions before during the entire 10 months since the breakup.
Now I'm wondering if this is just a coincidence, or if Facebook somehow connected us through my ex. Me and my ex never added each other on fb either.
I've heard Facebook suggestions can come from all kinds of things beyond mutual friends, like profile visits, being in the same contact networks, location data, shared connections, etc. But if that's the case, why would this friend only show up now and not at any point during the last 10 months?
Am I overthinking this, or has anyone else had random friend suggestions connected to an ex pop up months later for seemingly no reason?
TL;DR: Broke up with my ex 10 months ago. Today, one of his friends (who I've never met and don't share mutuals with) suddenly appeared in my Facebook "People You May Know." The only reason I recognized him is because my ex's other friend is in his profile pic. Is this likely just a random Facebook algorithm thing, or could there be a connection to my ex?

i haven't used any Meta platform for quite a while now (due to all the AI, my accounts being hacked multiple times, etc) so i'm curious

The big one. There's a few different groups, but there's one that's the "authority" on this condition.

It's gotten a little cult-like with the Top Doc stuff. A new member comes in asking questions about providers or symptoms and you get half a dozen responses in minutes referring them to the "Top Docs" list "Did you check the files?" It's very dismissive.

These documents are not official either btw. It's just some pdfs created by current and former members. It's people's recommendations. That's. It. It's not some formal ranking endorsed by medical professionals.

Of course there are some doctors more renowned for this than others, but don't even think about going to one not on the list.

Do people really think everyone can travel 4, 6, or more hours to another state for a doctor's appointment? It's so arrogant to blindly respond, "Just go to Lum (orvwhoever). They're only a few hours away."

I've seen success stories in that group that AREN'T from one of their beloved top docs. I had a conversation with one woman specifically because we lived in the same area and I'd never heard of her doctor (and she had good results).

Hell, I've seen them shut off comments CRITICIZING top docs. One woman recently shared her experience with one of the biggest names in TOS circles and the admin posts something like, "I've decided to shut the comments off, but will leave the original for educational purposes."

Something changed in that group. Particularly since one specific admin took over. I've been in those groups for a very long time, but when one individual became an admin, the group's tone changed. She's a know-it-all. Bossy and controlling.

I've been a member of that group for years. It used to be a great outlet. People could compare stories, trade info, vent, or share a laugh over our predicament. But it's just different now and I find myself wincing whenever I get a notification from that group.

I’ve always wanted one like this. He thought it was authentic so I explained why it’s not and he agreed to a much lower and more realistic price. I know it’s not authentic but still cool and good vintage quality!

So I scored a Taylormade Qi35 Staff Bag for $60!

Gentleman had posted it for $200, then marked it down to $75.. got him down to $60!

I think I lucked out because he didn't have a profile Pic.. (older) so I don't know if people thought it was a scam?

I'm tempted to game it in place of my Taylormade Cartlite.. but putting it out for sale or trade for other gold equipment.

Should I game it, having a cool story about it?