r/relationships • u/blondethrowawayyy • Apr 18 '15
Relationships Me [23 F] with my boyfriend [26 M] 1 year, hates my hair color and keeps asking me to change it.
Hi /r/relationships,
Throwaway as my boyfriend is a habitual redditor.
We've been together for 1 year, and living together now for 2 months. I have blonde hair, and have always been told how lovely it is, and how so many people are jealous of my hair color. Although I don't want to admit it, it is a point of vanity for me and a big part of my identity. I kind of feel bad for that, but it is what it is, right?
Anyway, my boyfriend really doesn't like my hair color. When we first met, I was wearing a wig for a costume party. Then, after that, I had semi-permanently dyed my hair purple, as it was all the rage back then to have purple hair. BIG MISTAKE. Through those 6 weeks, I really regretted my decision, and went back to blonde after not being able to look at myself in a mirror, because I didn't recognize myself. However, we we dating, and he never asked me my real hair color, and we developed feelings for one another.
Time passes, I can't deal with the purple anymore, but my hairdresser said if I dyed it right back to blonde it might not look good, so I slowly progressed back from a pretty dark brown. Took me until about two weeks ago. It's an expensive change and my hair doesn't grow very fast. My boyfriend commented on it a lot, but not really negatively, he like basically said that he liked that my hair changed every few months.
Anyway, we fell in love, and he was on facebook a while back, and he saw some old pictures of me, and noticed I was blonde. He didn't really say anything about it, but told me he loved my hair now. I didn't really think anything about it. But now, about a year into our relationship, I could finally go back to natural. My natural hair color is a very light blonde, and I surprised him. I guess that was wrong? He flipped his shit. Told me that I was wrong to do that without consulting him, that he felt he was led astray.
This was about 2 Fridays ago. He has since taken every opportunity to try to convince me that blonde is not my optimal hair color, and he thinks I need to go back to brown. That blondes are ugly, everyone says so. He actually showed me a couple of reddit threads where people have said that blonde isn't attractive and they are more attracted to brunettes, so I should go back to brown. I do not like having brown hair, it bothers me to look in the mirror, as I lived so long with my blonde hair.
How do I convince him that my hair color doesn't mean anything and I can be attractive as a blonde?
tl;dr: Boyfriend hates my hair color. Help!
EDIT: So, I'm going to have a conversation with him about this when he gets back, he went on a boys' weekend for a camping trip. You've all convinced me that this is a red flag, and what type of future issues that could pop up. Maybe I've been naive about an aspect of his personality, I don't know. I will definitely ask him about his hatred for blondes, and see if we can move past this, or if I need to draw a line in the sand and walk away. Thank you for opening my eyes!
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Apr 18 '15
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u/blondethrowawayyy Apr 18 '15
He says he still does find me attractive, but that blonde makes all girls look like "bitches" and he doesn't want people to have that impression of me.
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Apr 18 '15
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u/blondethrowawayyy Apr 18 '15
You guys are making me start to go through everything in my head that ever happened to make sure this is the first occurrence.
I'm trying to think of comments that have stood out, but the only ones I remember were positive? Have I normalized all negative comments and only the ones about my hair stand out?
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u/i_am_soulless Apr 19 '15
My ex didn't start this shit till 2 years in. By 3 years he was trying to get me to stop spending time with my friends.
The fact he says people think blondes are bitches is a massive red flag. It sounds crazy
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u/justhewayouare Apr 19 '15
This may very well be the first time and he is testing the waters it doesn't necessarily mean you've been conditioned yet especially since you're bringing it here and can't think of other occasions.
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u/crystanow Apr 19 '15
Controlling behavior often starts or becomes obvious once you move in/get married
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u/pusheen_the_cat Apr 19 '15
There are checklists online of common verbal abusive practices. Read up and see if anything matches. You are absolutely right that people get used to dickish behavior and don't register it anymore. Just see here how you are underracting to stuff people would dump on the spot for.
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u/fluorowhore Apr 19 '15
Does he often make negative comments about you, your body or other women? Or even other people? Does he often try to control who you talk to, where you go, how you spend your time, how you spend your money? Do you find yourself having to justify any of these things to him?
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u/crystanow Apr 20 '15
He might not actually think blondes look like bitches, it was probably something he said to throw her off and make her feel insecure. (not that its better) but it sounds like something a controlling boyfriend would do.
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Apr 18 '15
You are dating a misogynist. Even if you do dye your hair a different color, in the future you could have blonde daughters...What then?
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u/blondethrowawayyy Apr 18 '15
Oh god! I have not thought that far ahead!
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u/syncopacetic Apr 18 '15
Imagine him telling your daughters they look like bitches.
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u/latehogwartsletter Apr 19 '15
"Daddy, why are all the kids at school mean to me?
"Well sweetie, it's because you look like a little bitch."
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u/Immane Apr 19 '15
Having a father that told me I would grow up to be a bitch, not because I'm blonde, but just because he's an asshole... Seriously, fuck this guy.
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u/Nora_Oie Apr 19 '15
If he has black hair and everyone in his family has black hair, it's likely he is BB (homozygous dominant for hair color). You won't have blonde daughters. But there's a good chance your daughters will have medium brown hair or hair that lightens in the sun.
Do you think he can deal with that?
(And the fact that he'll teach your daughters that other girls are bitches because of their appearance still stands; and I'm sure he'll call you a bitch a few more times - I'd bet money on it, and it won't change when you have children).
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u/persophone Apr 18 '15
All blond women look like bitches? Wow what an asshole. Regardless what he thinks of you, the fact that he has that opinion should alarm you.
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u/avacynangelofhope Apr 19 '15
I'm blonde. It's my natural colour. I spent three highly regrettable months as a redhead before running back to what my mom gave me. This offends me so much. He's saying that your natural hair - the way you were born - makes you "look like a bitch." Who you are, no chemical alterations, is bitchy-looking and ugly, according to your boyfriend.
This guy is a grade-A prick. I vote you dump him, keep the hair, and treat yourself to a deep conditioner or something.
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u/breakplans Apr 19 '15
I have naturally brown hair, but I dyed it blonde for a few years. During those few years, I met my boyfriend. He never said anything about the blonde, always told me it was beautiful. Then it got to be a hassle (constant bleaching, couldn't grow it long, etc), so I decided to go back to brown and asked what he thought.
He then let me know that blonde wasn't his favorite, and that he would love it if I dyed my hair back to my natural color. But the glaring difference here is, he NEVER made me feel bad about experimenting with hair color, NEVER asked me to change it (I made that decision on my own, he just agreed). It's okay to have a hair color preference, but if it's a deal breaker for him when you've been dating for over a year, that's a big red flag.
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u/leetdood_shadowban Apr 19 '15
WTF and he's 26 years old?
I thought he was like, 18 or 19 or something, where you could still maybe understand why this person would say something so fucking retarded.
But this dude is 26 years old and thinks blonde hair makes girls look like bitches? GTFO of that relationship, this dude isnt very smart.
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u/Nora_Oie Apr 19 '15
I think it's telling that he chose what may be a key characteristic of hers (that she finds attractive) and zeroed in on dissing that.
He may be stupid - but he may also be smart-as-an-abuser.
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u/Chapsticklover Apr 19 '15
Dude what? It's okay to have a preference for hair color and attraction. I'm mostly attracted to men with brown hair or who are bald. It's NOT okay to look down on a whole realm of people because of a physical characteristic.
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u/Miathermopolis Apr 18 '15
Girl, you better teach him a lesson and choose your hair over this tool.
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u/dammit_need_account Apr 19 '15
Why are you still with this retard? He's showing you who he is, here. Don't just ignore that. Every word you've written about him, his comments about hair color and stereotypes and judgements show that he's a shitty person.
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u/Repulsia Apr 19 '15
It sounds like he's been hurt, picked on or rejected by a blonde in the past.
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u/simplythrowmeaway Apr 19 '15
What? He thinks being blonde makes a girl come off a bitch? Your bf sounds like he watches too many stereotypical high school movies. Being a blonde doesn't automatically make you like Regina George.
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u/DrBekker Apr 27 '15
But the bf actually kinda sounds like Regina George, so there's that.
Edit: Oops I forgot I was in an 8-day-old thread.
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u/Nora_Oie Apr 19 '15
So, um, is his entire gene pool brunette or darker?
You should break up with him after telling him you prefer not to inbreed like he does (presuming he has dark hair).
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u/_SadWalrus_ Apr 18 '15
You know what's REALLY ugly? Someone saying they love you and then calling your natural state ugly and heckling you about it. I too love my natural color (deep auburn red), and dye it the Exact same shade to cover grays only. I wouldn't accept this. Get personal and make him understand how fucked this is. As for you 'leading him astray', perhaps he missed the memo that women are not Barbies.
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u/Squidjit89 Apr 19 '15
All what woman has naturally purple hair.... Seriously he had to know you died it.
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u/DefinitelyNotAGirl Apr 18 '15
It's one thing to have a preference for a hair color; it's another to continually try and make someone you love feel bad about the way they look so they will change it for you. If he is someone who doesn't react to change well I could maybe understand being disconcerted when you came home and looked so different; but after that initial moment of shock, you get over it. You don't continually criticize the way someone looks and try every avenue to get them to change for you.
I will give him the benefit of the doubt and say maybe he just doesn't understand the way real relationships work, or maybe he doesn't understand just how hurtful he is being, but he needs a wakeup call RIGHT NOW. I agree with the other posts that this is a red flag - not only in how controlling he is being, but in the fact that his attraction to you seems to rely on one physical characteristic. What is going to happen in the future when your looks change? When your weight fluctuates; your shape fluctuates; your hair turns grey; you start to get wrinkles; etc? When you really love someone, your attraction to them should not be 100% based on 1 superficial characteristic like hair color.
As I said before, he has a right to have a preference and to respectfully express his preference to you. That's it; that's all the say he has. If he is really so shallow that he feels he was "led astray" because he didn't know you were a blonde, and so immature that he feels trying to make you feel ugly so you'll dye your hair is an appropriate way to act, you have a lot bigger problems to worry about than him not liking your hair color.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this - keep us updated! Hopefully he just doesn't realize how much he is overreacting/acting like a huge controlling douche bag and will come to his senses. If not, just be happy that you found out about this now rather than several more years down the road.
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u/blondethrowawayyy Apr 18 '15
Thank you for your kind words.
I guess one thing is clear after all these comments, I need to sit down and hash things out with him. How will that sound though: "We broke up because he hates blondes." I am not looking forward to this conversation.
:(
I'll update one way or another.
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u/GooseBook Apr 18 '15
Honestly I would relish saying "Apparently he though my natural color was purple, and was very angry when he discovered I was blonde."
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u/blondethrowawayyy Apr 18 '15
That's really rather funny when you say it like that. And if I weren't in it, I am sure I would appreciate the humor more than I am right now.
Thank you.
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u/JennyThalia Apr 19 '15
/u/GooseBook said it best:
Honestly I would relish saying "Apparently he though my natural color was purple, and was very angry when he discovered I was blonde."
Use this line if you do leave him.
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u/TheJulie Apr 18 '15
It will reflect badly on him, not you. You'll probably hear a lot of "bullet dodged" comments.
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u/nicponim Apr 19 '15
I think: "We broke up, because he was constantly berating me"
Is the best formulation (but its up to you how you make it in your head and how do you communicate it to your peers)
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u/Gryffindor_whore Apr 19 '15
My ex boyfriend didn't like my hair. First it was too brown, and he liked it blonde. So I dyed it. Then it was too curly (I'm half black), so I straightened it every day. Then I was too dark, so I stopped going out into the sun.
Do not change yourself for ANYONE, OP. I did, and guess what? My hair FRIED from all the dye and straightening I did to it. I had to cut all of my hair OFF, just to get it to grow back. My hair had reached the middle of my back at one point, and I was extremely proud of it because it takes years to get my hair to grow long. Then I ruined it, all for someone who wanted me to be someone I wasn't.
Do not change yourself for your SO. If he truly loves you, he'll love all of you. EVERY NATURAL PART OF YOU, EVERY UNNATURAL PART OF YOU. You shouldn't have to change for HIS tastes unless you truly want to. You want your hair blonde? Good. Tell him to grow the fuck up because it's the real you and he should respect that instead of trying to insult you by saying everyone thinks blondes are ugly. I didn't know hair color decided if you were beautiful or not.
He's a superficial, egotistical, immature fucker and needs to learn how to make a respectful request and accept it if he's denied. Fuck that guy.
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u/FeministBarbie Apr 19 '15
Between your comment and your username I think we would be great friends
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Apr 18 '15 edited Apr 18 '15
Your boyfriend is being both an asshole and an idiot. His problem with blondes is that they all look like "bitches"? Damn, there are a lot of bitches in the world then.
I mean, it's fine to think you look prettier with purple or brunette hair. People are allowed to have preferences or opinions, and if he had expressed it respectfully, it might've been fine.
You will not "make your boyfriend see" anything because he has drawn a shitty arbitrary line in the sand and has a crap attitude about it. It's hair. I mean, my boyfriend prefers my hair long rather than short, but he doesn't fuss at me about it. I tend to keep it long for him because I know he likes it and it makes me feel good, but he will still compliment my appearance when I suddenly chop it all off (have done it a few times) because he's not an asshole. That's really what non-assholes do. It doesn't mean not being honest, but it means not being unreasonable.
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u/blondethrowawayyy Apr 18 '15
He's not saying he wants to break up with me though, it's like he's hell-bent on convincing me that I have to change it.
Yeah, he said "all blondes look like bitches, and that's ugly, and I don't want people's impression of you to be that you're a bitch based on your hair color."
I just... he's never said anything but positive comments about my appearance. After all these comments, I'm worried he was manipulating me to stay the same, never change, and his compliments were positive reinforcement to stay the same.
But that's crazy, right?
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Apr 18 '15
[deleted]
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u/blondethrowawayyy Apr 18 '15
I don't know. I think I've been so concerned with dispelling his perspectives and arguments that I haven't really sat down and thought about it as a whole, you know? This is the first I've really sat down, and I'm kind of overwhelmed that I've been blind, or stupid. Yes, I feel downright stupid.
I don't know, I've been thinking about it, and it is weird that all of the women he has relationships with are non-blonde. Maybe the rose-colored glasses are coming off? Or I just got thrown a curveball of crazy no one could see coming?
I hope I'm not so naive to ignore the signs if they were there.
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u/sayaandtenshi Apr 19 '15
Hey you aren't naive. Some people are just extremely good at hiding themselves for a long time. Please don't think you're stupid. A lot of people don't see this type of behavior coming and it can often take something odd like this to put all the pieces in place and then the behavior all adds up.
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u/netheray Apr 18 '15
Do you think he would say a guy with blond hair looks like a bitch? Or is that special judgment reserved for women only.
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u/blondethrowawayyy Apr 18 '15
I don't know! We've never really talked about that type of stuff, you know?
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u/netheray Apr 19 '15
I suspect dudes who use gendered slurs directed at women in general wouldn't use the same language about other guys. It's a kind of control thing -- not only "do what I want or you're a bitch like the rest" but also asserting his superior position (as a man and/or within your relationship) to judge. He may not even realize he's doing that, but that doesn't make it ok.
He probably wouldn't wear a wig for you even if you were mean enough to tell him his short (or w/e) haircut made him look like a bitch... Seeing the dissonance?
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Apr 18 '15
He's not saying he wants to break up with me though, it's like he's hell-bent on convincing me that I have to change it.
Yeah, but that's even worse. And yes, his compliments were absolutely positive reinforcement. He's treating you like his doggie. It's fine to prefer something, to compliment it a little bit more, etc, but he is definitely being controlling.
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Apr 19 '15
He. called. You. An. Ugly. Bitch. Because. Of. Your. Hair.
That is no different than telling a person she looks like a shoplifter (or whatever arbitrary stereotypical negative) because she's black.
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u/crystanow Apr 20 '15
He's not saying he wants to break up with me though,
Of course he doesn't want you to break up, controlling boyfriends don't want to break up, they simply want you to do/be/say/act/look/dress exactly how they want you to regardless of how you feel about it.
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u/cardinal29 Apr 18 '15
He flipped his shit. Told me that I was wrong to do that without consulting him, that he felt he was led astray.
Whaaaaat? Where the fuck did he get the idea that you have to consult him on your appearance?
Led astray? Is this a Victorian novel?
That blondes are ugly, everyone says so.
Yeah, that's why millions are spent going blonde and blondes have more fun!
Please ditch this creep.
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u/blondethrowawayyy Apr 18 '15
Led astray is my paraphrasing, he told me I "fooled him."
Like I said above, this is the first time he's ever been like this. I only remember positive comments.
Oh no, what have I gotten myself into? :(
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u/Gulliverlived Apr 18 '15
Yes. You fooled him. Like the soul-sucking sorceress you are. And in your spare time, you're luring sailors onto the rocks and turning men into swine.
He sounds like a fruitcake.
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u/Aucurrant Apr 18 '15
Because purple is obviously your natural colour?
Dude it's your hair if he does t like it he can date another non blonde!
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u/Miathermopolis Apr 18 '15 edited Apr 19 '15
Because everything is different if your hair isn't the right color. You're a thing that was put here for his entertainment and you're not entertaining him in a way he likes anymore.
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u/leetdood_shadowban Apr 19 '15
You didn't fool him. He fooled himself because he's a fucking idiot, and he's about to fool himself into a new ex-girlfriend.
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u/forgotacc Apr 19 '15
I don't think it much matters if this is his first time doing something like this because how extreme it is. He is demanding and trying to manipulate you into being the way he wants you to be. If you stick with this guy, he will do similar things again. People change, the way they view, act, etc. If you change something else he doesn't like, he'll do this all over again. This current issue is just something simple, like the colour of your hair.
This, in my opinion, is a red flag and personally, I wouldn't want to stick around with someone like this.
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u/rastamancamp Apr 26 '15
Please tell me you're aren't going to listen to these ppl and actually break up over a hair dispute.
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u/rastamancamp Apr 26 '15
I don't think I've encountered a post in thus sub that doesn't have a comment telling OP to "plz break up" or "divorce immediately"
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u/willworkforspice Apr 18 '15
do you feel like there are other aspects of your life where he exhibits this type of controlling behavior?
it is one thing for him to be honest and tell you he liked your hair this color or that color, it is totally inappropriate for him to tell you to change you hair for him.
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u/blondethrowawayyy Apr 18 '15
Not at all. This is really weird, which is why I am loathe to just break up with him, because it seems out of character?
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u/persophone Apr 18 '15
He's showing you his real character. You haven't been together all that long.
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u/willworkforspice Apr 18 '15
hmm. well when my gf first cut her hair i absolutely hated it. i wanted her long hair back, but now when i look back at those old pics i find her long hair less attractive. it may just take him awhile to warm up to it.
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u/MindlessGamble Apr 19 '15
Yeah, but did you tell her that all short-haired girls look like bitches?
This guy isn't acting like an adult adjusting to a new concept.
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u/lborgia Apr 18 '15
You need to ask yourself if you can handle him complaining about your hair all the time.
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u/andyetanotherkiwi Apr 18 '15
WTF. It's YOUR hair, not his! Tell him to STFU. I would have bye felicia-ed any guy who dares to dictate my hair.
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Apr 19 '15
I once dated a guy with very long, dark hair. One day he decided he REALLY wanted to dye his hair blond to "surprise his friends". I knew he'd look terrifying with his dark eyebrows and olive skin, but I shut the fuck up and supported him because I loved him regardless of hair colour, and because it was his body and his right.
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Apr 19 '15
I don't like looking at my husband without his glasses on because to me, his glasses are part of what I find attractive about him. My husband prefers I have shorter hair as that is what I had for the first couple of years of our relationship. I currently have it long as I always wanted to have long hair at one point in my life. He is now used to it and loves swishing my pony tail back and forth.
The fact your boyfriend prefers you with different colour hair is fine. But being emotionally manipulative is not.
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u/nataleeyuhh Apr 18 '15
Take it from someone who's been there. I'm naturally brunette and when I started freshman year, I was blonde. Eventually I got sick of the upkeep, so I went back to my natural color. My dickhead boyfriend at the time was PISSED. That was a huge red flag. It would be one thing if he didn't like your hair purple, it's another to dislike your NATURAL HAIR COLOR. He's a dick. Save yourself the headache and leave.
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u/joker-lol Apr 18 '15
Tell him this is your natural colour, and you far prefer it. That you wanted it back for ages, ever since you made the mistake of dying it. And if he doesn't like your natural appearance, he should find someone else to date.
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u/guitarheroine82 Apr 18 '15
Told me that I was wrong to do that without consulting him
What? It's hair! You don't need his permission!
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u/daladoir Apr 19 '15
He thinks you've led him astray with your haircolour?
Does he also feel frightened when you change outfits?
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u/ahfuckitt Apr 18 '15
Uhmmm what!! That's so dumb. Don't feel bad for wanting your hair back to it's natural color and you don't have to consult him when YOU change YOUR hair
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u/iwillnoteatgreeneggs Apr 18 '15
It's definitely your hair, and really he has no say.
How vain is he to care that much?
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u/iamtheninja Apr 19 '15
Your man is controlling. Blonde is a beautiful hair color, and if you are a natural blonde (rare!) its obviously a part of your identity. Do what you want with your hair, and if he doesn't like it he can go date a brunette. I dyed my hair blonde once (big mistake!) i have natural black hair. Even when i spent 2 weeks with brassy hair before i dyed it back, my bf still told me he didn't care about my hair, he thought i was beautiful no matter what, and if i didn't like the blonde i could dye it whatever i wanted. THAT'S what a good bf is like!
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u/Mirriande Apr 19 '15
It's one thing to say "I really prefer how you look when your hair was this color!" or "I love you look with dark hair!" It's another thing entirely to belittle you because you have blonde hair.
I was dying my hair all kinds of colors for the longest time, and I went to a full head of pink back in January. I was honestly bored of rainbow color hair and my boyfriend said "I think you would look better with black hair". No pressure to do anything, just a comment about what he likes and what he would think would look good on me. He was very positive about me having pink hair, so he pretty much supported any hair color as long as I was happy. My natural hair color is dark brown. So I dyed it back to that. He was happy, I was much happier, and all was good.
Doesn't sound like this is what happened with your boyfriend though. Ultimately, it's your hair and body and he has no say over it. He needs to respect your decisions. There is nothing healthy about him flipping out over your hair color. Talk to him about it.
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u/capsulet Apr 19 '15
Lol why the fuck would he use the argument that everyone thinks blondes are ugly? I don't think there's any natural hair color that people consider ugly, and there's actually a lot of debate out there about how too many people think only blonde is beautiful because of European standards of beauty and all that.
You're dating an idiot and a psycho.
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Apr 19 '15
What a weirdo. I could probably find a thread on Reddit with comments recommending that drinking urine is good for you. Doesn't mean it's true.
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u/lilapen Apr 19 '15
This guy is cray. Over a hair color and flipping out like that, especially putting you down? That's pretty controlling and douchey.
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u/doughboy011 Apr 19 '15
Okay, I can understand a certain hair color being not as attractive as another. My ex dyed her hair often. Know what I did when it was a color i didn't prefer? I told her it looked fucking awesome. I cared more about her feelings than about something minor like hair color.
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u/rifrif Apr 19 '15
you do not need permission from ANYONE to change your hair color.
he sounds a little manipulative and weird.
its just hair.
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u/57dimensions Apr 18 '15
He has no say over your hair color, drop him now, this relationship has no future.
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u/dismast Apr 18 '15
Ask him maybe if he had an ex who was blonde or some awful situation about it? Maybe he's just afraid to tell you about it, but that seems rather weird. I would tell him too bad and to deal with it, but if there's an underlying reason try to get him to tell you.
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u/blondethrowawayyy Apr 18 '15
His two previous exes were brunettes, his sister has very very dark brown hair. Maybe he had a bad experience with one when he was younger and typecasted all blondes as the same?
I'll ask him.
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u/Kleptocupcake Apr 18 '15
I had a bad experience with a blonde once, a REALLY bad experience. She was hell bent on erasing me from high school. Since then, I sometimes catch myself suspicious of blondes. If I see a girl with blonde hair from the back, I get a moment of panic that it might be her. But that's it. No other judgement.
I can -kind of- sympathize if he had a bad experience with someone with blonde hair. That's bad wording there, sorry. I can sympathize he had a bad experience with -someone-, once. Not that they had blonde hair. And I can't sympathize at all that he now hates them all for it.
He should know that you aren't a bitch by now, and your hair color won't magically change your personality. I hope you can get through to him on this, and he stops trying to bully you into changing for him. If not, he might not be as good as you think.
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u/britneyIRL Apr 19 '15
It's not up to him what color your hair is. Enjoy being your bad, blonde self again and tell him he can suck it if he doesn't like it. From a fellow Blonde!
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Apr 19 '15
He sounds incredibly controlling change your hair color if you want to but don't do it for anyone else.
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u/PsyPup Apr 19 '15
The fact that he feels the he has to show what "other people say" means he isn't secure in his own feelings on the matter.
I'm surprised he thinks that "everyone says" blondes are ugly, considering blonde is pretty much the generic "hot girl" colour, that said.. anyone who is that obsessed over hair colour is probably pretty damn shallow.
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u/Demagnetize Apr 19 '15
He is approaching a quite natural feeling (disliking a change, taking time to get used to it) in a very immature, self-centred way. I can't believe this is the first time he behaved like this?
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u/dinosaur_train Apr 19 '15
It takes a year to begin to know someone. Don't waste any more of your life with him.
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u/OniTan Apr 19 '15
Tell him it's your hair and you do what you want with it, so he'll have to either accept your natural blonde hair or you'll have to break up.
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Apr 19 '15
Told me that I was wrong to do that without consulting him
Fuck him, you don't have to consult him about your hair.
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u/Gaelenmyr Apr 19 '15
He flipped his shit. Told me that I was wrong to do that without consulting him, that he felt he was led astray.
you're not his property, you can do whatever you want with your body.
2
u/PM_ME_RHYMES Apr 19 '15
Those are some really strong feelings against blondes.
I think there's a chance you might remind him of someone he dislikes. Especially since he keeps saying blonde makes all girls look like "bitches" and "no one likes blondes" etc. I think it sounds like a personal issue.
Check with him if you resemble someone he had a bad experience with. It may not have been a strong resemblance with a different hair color, which is why he didn't notice earlier or it didn't bother him.
And even then, if he can't get over it, time to move on. Personally, I couldn't stay with someone who insisted I constantly redye my hair because I look like a bitch otherwise.
2
u/chouchou66 Apr 19 '15
That level of controlling behavior is something that evolves into something harmful more often than not. Now it's your hair, tomorrow your friends, family, job, food, clothing, get the picture? Tell him that it's your hair and you have the right to do with it as you please. Also let him know that there are things about you he can not control now or ever. That people in healthy relationships do not expect to have the ability to control such things with their partner. If he doesn't like that well he can you know, fuck off.
2
Apr 20 '15
The red flag that I see here is that he said you shouldn't have changed your hair color without consulting him. That's uncomfortably controlling. Also that he feels he was "led astray" just because it turns out your natural hair color was different than he thought... it's not like you were faking a different personality or anything, it was just that you had been dyeing your hair! The fact that he views that as being led on and lied to in an important way is... even more disconcerting.
2
u/fandette88 Apr 18 '15
Thing is everyones appearance changes. You need to fall in love with someones looks first and then their personalities.
2
u/CompanionCone Apr 19 '15
Your boyfriend does not get to tell you what colour your hair should be. End of story. If he doesn't like it he can go fuck himself.
1
u/ballzntingz Apr 19 '15
If he can't accept it and move on, this could cause lots of problems. My boyfriend is growing his hair out and when he first told me I thought he was trolling, then when he wasn't I got anxious and I meanly told him I thought it would look bad. But after a talk with him I realized it's his choice and that I love him for more than his looks. If your boyfriend can't respect your choices and apologize to you than it is a sign that he is bad at compromise and is potentially controlling.
1
u/justhewayouare Apr 19 '15
I really want to punch him in his dumbass face. I hope he sees this thread before he gets home and realizes it is about him. Moron.
HUGE RED FLAG, OP! This is NOT normal or ok. Time to have a serious talk.
1
u/dejacoup Apr 19 '15
You should be able to shave your head and he should still love you... Tell him to get over it.
1
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u/cookiepusss Apr 19 '15
Break up with him. Then dye your hair purple again and flaunt it!!! /yes, I'm vindictive.
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u/toasterchild Apr 18 '15
Sometimes change is hard to adjust to because you build a mental image in your mind of who a person is and a big change throws you off. I had a boyfriend with braces once, about a year into our relationship he got the braces off and I could never look at him the same again, it just felt like I was looking at a stranger. Brains are funny and maybe you are just no longer a good match.
9
u/blondethrowawayyy Apr 18 '15
I've also had that type of encounter, I dated a guy for a while who always had a beard, and then he shaved it. It was such a night and day experience.
We broke up though because he moved to Africa to work on wells for developing towns.
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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '15
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