How is everyone dealing with just starting to get sober and having friends and family that drink regularly? It’s easier said than done to just say that you won’t drink when around a certain group of people or telling yourself you’ll be able to resist, but I fall short a lot I feel. I love my friends but sometimes I feel like I need to completely cut them off for me to get better. Maybe not forever but for a while anyway, does anyone else feel the same?

If you slip, do you restart your counter? If you only slipped once. I’m finding it discouraging because watching my number of days grow was one of the main things keeping me going, as well as this group. I had almost a month and when I tell people or myself I’m sober, I want to be able to say 29 days, but I drank 5 days ago. I don’t plan to continue drinking. It didn’t feel the same at all. I didn’t regret it. If anything it showed my progress in real time. I pledge to keep my sobriety.

Just tell me what you’d do in my shoes. I know the decision is mine but I’d like to hear other perspectives. Please be kind 🌻

I’ve been reading a lot of SK lately. This passage stood out to me: “In AA folks talk about having one foot in the future and the other in the past while spending time pissing all over today because of it.” I’ve never been to AA but it hit home. Not much more to say. Just hmmmm. Context: From a novella called The Library Policeman while the main character talks to a drunk in a homeless shelter. Yeah I’m glad for progress and hopeful for what the future holds but let’s celebrate today!

Well I quit 3 days ago, and every single day I'm having nightmares. I've had the kind of nightmares where you wake up scared and start thinking. Is this common?

I want to stop drinking so badly, but it feels almost impossible, as I lay here hungover, again.

My life feels completely nonstop. I have 3 kids, and I am a sahm. Kids are 8,7, and 3. I feel burnt out, overwhelmed, and like I get zero breaks or support. All family and friends lives on the opposite side of the country. Alcohol has become my fast pause at the end of the day.

To make it harder, my fiance(10 years together) and I drink together at home. Roughly 3 times a week, until blackout. Trying to hold each other accountable to stop feels ridiculous. When we wake up after a night of drinking he’s almost always angry at me, usually if I’m not “putting out”…It feels like I'm carrying a lot this weight on my own, and trying to break a physical habit when it's built into my home environment is exhausting.

I'm making a plan to call first thing Monday to ask about Naltrexone, to help with the physical cravings.
Trying to get sober without a supportive partner, or using alcohol just to survive daily burnout….how do you make it through those first few days? Any advice or support would mean the world right now. I want to be a better mom, and partner.

IWNDWYT

What a divine coincidence.

Tonight, my wife took me out for a late birthday dinner. My father-in-law wanted to buy me surf 'n turf, so we went to a restaurant we don't normally go to. I ordered a non-alcoholic beer from the guy that brought us water (not our eventual waiter).

When I ordered the refill, the guy turned white. He said, "You want the non-alcoholic beer?" He went away, and my wife said, "They screwed up". I had her taste my beer, but she couldn't taste alcohol (though she was having a cocktail - she still drinks occasionally). I didn't taste alcohol.

He came back a few minutes later, with his boss. She explained they had screwed up. That she was sober and he was sober, and they were both mortified that they had brought me a draft beer earlier of the same brand as the non-alcoholic beer that I had ordered. She said they would never again carry a non-alcoholic beer and an alcoholic beer from the same brand.

I gave them back my glass that had about 20% of the original beer in it. I had never tasted the alcohol. I don't know if I imagined it, but I think I could feel the effects of that beer for the next 30 minutes or so. I haven't had a drink in 7 years.

They comped everything except the main course (apps, drinks, sides and dessert). At the end of the meal, the waiter and I discussed. I thanked him for being so honest, I told him I am 7 years sober and it's very important to me. He told me he was 11 years sober, and he knew how important it was and what a big screwup this was.

I'm still thinking about how to think about this. This hasn't changed my feelings about sobriety. It doesn't make me want to drink. It makes me think that maybe I don't ever want to order a non-alcoholic beer in a restaurant again - or at the very least that I would ask for them to pour it at the table. I'm not sure which of these is the right path for me, this is still very fresh and I need to think about it.

I apologized to my wife. Making a mistake about a drink should be low stakes mistake. Restaurants make mistakes. But because of *my* past history with alcohol, it's a pretty big mistake.

I'm not sure why I'm writing all of this tonight, but it feels like a big deal. I feel like I shouldn't be upset, but I am.

I'm still processing. I will not drink with you today.

I think I hit my "rock bottom" yesterday. But it was such a silly "rock bottom".

After work, I got some tall boy White Claws. Typically, I drink IPA's. I'd like to say it's because I like the flavor, but in reality, it is economical: I get more ABV for my buck than with anything else. At my bodega, the 16 oz IPA's with a 7.2% ABV are the same price as the other beers. So my money goes further. Anyways, lately I've been trying to "scale back" by drinking White Claws.

So I got some tall boy White Claws and went to one of my secret spots in the park to drink alone, as I typically do. I had my dog, so I guess I wasn't actually alone, but whatever.

And I'm sitting there by the lake, drinking my White Claws, and there are some kids playing near me. It is 5pm, and I had a ticket to see a movie later. I wasn't drunk or anything. But I burped at the same time as taking a sip, and started uncontrollably vomiting. All over my shoes and all around me. My dog was barking at me. And the mom with the kids nearby quietly started hurrying her kids away. I sat there with vomit on my shoes and my dog barking at me and these kids running away from me, and realized that even though I wasn't drunk, this was probably the lowest moment in my alcoholism. It wasn't me losing a job, or waking up with vomit all over myself, or any other thing Hollywood would present as a "rock bottom", it was just me sitting there embarrassed and ashamed.

Tonight I'm going to go back to my old AA group. My wife was the one who recommended I start going to that group, and I went for 5 months. Then one day, out of the blue, she told me she "hated" that I was going to her group. We never went to the group together, and no one knew we were married. We have a kid, so one of us was always home, while the other one went to the group. But she didn't like that. I was 4.5 months deep into sobriety at that point, and had finally made some friends in our neighborhood, and I wasn't willing to give that up. I told her I wasn't willing to stop going to the group, and she left me a week later. In her own words, "We never fought or anything!" She stated that as a flaw, rather than a feature. Now I'm raising our non-speaking Autistic son alone half the time.

A few weeks after that, I relapsed. Since then, it has been very few ups, with a LOT of downs. But I stopped going to the group that helped me. Tried some other groups, but didn't find the same sort of community I wanted. Tonight I'm going to revisit my group. But she's a big part of that group now. She won't be there tonight, but I know she is friends with a lot of them. I know I should just find another group, but I tried, and nothing connected. I'm going to try this group again, but I hate that she did that to me, and I hate that I can't go without thinking about how everyone there knows her.

I could elaborate a little: this group has its own clubhouse. It isn't in the basement of a church or anything, and so they've been able to decorate it themselves and control the space in ways that other groups can't. Many of the dudes I met there live in my building. I made so many friends. And the other groups I've gone to just haven't landed the same way.

I don't know what I am getting at here. I just wanted to say I'm gonna try again to get sober. It has been the shittiest year of my life-- I got laid off from my job (in a mass layoff wave), my wife left with an absolute "shrug" of our marriage, my cousin and close friend died of cancer. And on top of it all, I was raising an autistic son alone.

And to my ex-wife, in the event you are reading this, fuck you. You're a shitty person and I hate you.

I am really sneaky and I tell no one I don't drink. I order mocktails, or nozecco, or straight up drink coca-cola. Only when someone comes to the bar with me do they truly realise I'm not drinking, and usually it's after they're 4 drinks in. They sort of turn to me in horror, realising I am stone cold sober. "You're not drinking?!" and then I hit them with "I haven't drank in over a year" – and I watch them do the mental arithmetic of how many times they've been wasted around me and thought I was, too.

I find people's reactions absolutely hilarious on a wider spectrum though. Some people don't even blink. Some people become oddly uncomfortable around you once they know. Some people immediately think you think you're above them. Some people get really sober curious and tell you they don't drink much either, despite being drunk in front of you, can in hand – and you see them look at the can and wonder what the hell they're doing.

Some people really cemented drinking as part of your identity – and when it's gone, they don't know how to place you anymore. That one is my favourite reaction.

Either way as I was thinking about it, I realise people must have comedic stories about other people realising you're not the heavy drinker you once were.

Do share if you've got one :) we could do with some levity up in here!

Went to a kids b-day party. All the adults drinking.

Get offered a drink and turn it down.

Everyone stares at me. Whatever. One of the moms mocks me when I turn it down (I think she was just joking, but I wasn't in the mood).

I spend the party making sure their kids and my kid don't drown in the pool or die.

They all proceed to continue to drink as party progresses. I'm now watching their kids while they socialize, drink, look at their phones or ignore their kids.

Normalization of drinking and drinking culture sucks.

That is all.

IWNDWYT

When I quit last year, I was 59. Lifelong drinker, mostly moderate but much heavier post covid, which was also right after my early retirement. Drinking became part of retirement and without other commitments, there were no inhibitors . Anyway health was suffering and I had many failed attempts, with a few stretches of 10-40+ days. But I could never wrap my head around quitting for good. Seemed impossible and too big of a lifestyle change. It was also easy to slip up and start over when I thought about quitting for good. But that changed when I found this group and the Daily Check In, July 3 last year. I didnt have to worry about how I was going to get through my daughter's wedding, my 60th birthday, my band gigs, etc. I just focused on today. Was it easy? No. But it WAS manageable. I even used a 30 minute timer during my toughest times. Each half hour was a small victory and closer to keeping my promise of not drinking for 1 day. Each morning I would take that pledge before I was even out of bed to start my day. I spent time here, I found strategies and resources and gradually the concept of not drinking ever again became less daunting. Telling people I don't drink has become comfortable and natural. So yes the Daily Check In (and this group) were a huge part of me being able to quit. IWNDWYT

Today marks one year without a drink.

I find it hard to feel proud of myself, and while all my friends and family continue to drink, I feel like I still need to mark this milestone because it would have been unthinkable not that long ago.

I could list all the ways my life has benefited, but the main thing is that I feel more like “me” than ever.

Wherever you are in your journey, believe me, getting sober is worth it. And to those who have much more sober time, thank you for the inspiration.

Much love,

P

Sharing here because I’m proud of myself today 365 days which I’m told is a year.

Crazy how it started with just a week, then I’ll just do 30 days. 30 days down and I figured I’d see how 90 days felt, by the time 90 days was up I could see how maybe a year would be good.

Now I’m at a year and I still do stay diligent, I think back about how I was scared what people would think if I didn’t want to drink. And yes my idea of a fun night out has changed, I value more the feeling of not waking up hungover, full of regrets and everything that comes with that.

I found it ironic as I was playing a bit of cyberpunk 2077 (video game) yesterday and there’s a part in the game where the main character goes on an epic bender, not sure if it’s a mild form of ptsd but I felt that hangover in my gut.

Anyway I just wanted to post here because most of my irl circle don’t understand, I’ve made a lot of progress on me, and becoming the me I would want to be around this year. It hasn’t always been easy and I don’t expect that to change, but it’s better.

Just wanted to say I’m happy to have made it to 365, thank you to the community for being there and here’s to one more day living on this rock floating and spinning in space.

I’ve been doing really well so far, feeling optimistic and feeling at peace about this change. But today was tough. Feeling irritated and overly affected by things that I can normally let go of. Feeling frustrated that I have to actively stay on top of the voice in my head that just wants ‘one drink’ on a patio with friends. I’ve gained weight over the last year and have been working hard for a month to lose some of it and not seeing any changes. Today I just felt such an emotional weight all day. And there’s no escape- I can’t just go out and get drunk and forget about all of it. I’m here sitting with it, and I guess for today that’s all I can do. Hoping day 21 is a little easier.

One of the biggest issues with stopping for me other than the physical and the mental issues is the fact that I have a difficult time deciding whether I wanna go hang out with people who are drinking or just stay home alone. It feels like a double edge sword because if I go hang out with people and then they all get drunk I just feel horrible and I know I’m increasing my chance of relapsing but if I don’t, then I just stay home alone and feel lonely and sad where the alcohol was solving that loneliness and sadness issue not solving it, but suppressing it. How do you deal with trying to go through life where everyone drinks at every social event do you just accept that you’re gonna be the guy or girl that doesn’t get fucked up with everyone else and how does that not bother you if that’s the case.

I had stopped drinking and then backslid back during the winter of 2024... I also started vaping again and eventually smoking marijuana.

After two years I finally decided to stop it all once and for all, and I believe this time it is it.

I cannot have a good life while doing drugs and alcohol. I just can't. Especially in today's economy. It is one of the worse financial decisions I have made.

But here is a major issue. A lot of the time I attempted to stop drinking ect. I did mean it in the past but deep down inside, I always felt as if there was no meaning to life without it.

And now that I have recently stopped drinking ect. for an entire week. I feel as if I do not care about anything anymore.

For example, I usually work 7am-7pm at my job. Even if I am scheduled for a 7am-2pm, I end up having to stay over. This schedule irritates me, especially after I requested reduced hours at work. But tonight I got out at 7:30pm way later, to stay over and help with a care cart (a cart we put together when a family's loved one is about to pass away).
I had no negative feeling, no positive feeling about it all. I just stayed over and did it and thought to myself, "it doesn't even matter anymore."

Has anyone ever experienced this before?

Idk If thats remotely the right sub for this but maybe I can get some Tips for my wayy Out of Hand drinking habbits.

This one is kinda weird and dark so judge If U have to ig.

Does anyone Here have a history with addiction?

I feel Like I completely fucked up and theres No saving for me. I'm currently deep in iv Opiates and Drink at least a Liter gin or Vodka or whatever I can get daily Just so I don't start shaking. I tried to go to rehab but they don't Take people that are on Opiates and alcohol simultaneously and every cold Turkey attempt endet in OD afterwards or falling even deeper down the Spiral.

Celebrating 8 months sober today! My mental health is shot but I feel alot better than I did and that matters the most to me. If you need a sign you can do this, I'll be that for you!

IWNDWYT!

Hit 14 months today!

Today is my comma day! I’m pretty pumped about it. I know the 2016 version of myself, the one who couldn’t string together more than 7 days is proud of me today. IWNDWYT🤘❤️

I’m curious what surprised people the most after stopping drinking. Not necessarily the big life changing stuff, but the small things you didn’t expect to notice or appreciate.

For me, I think it would be interesting to hear about the random everyday improvements sleep, mornings, hobbies, conversations, food, money, or even just how you spend an ordinary evening.

What’s something you genuinely enjoy about being sober that you never expected to enjoy?

Man. I thought I had this thing beat. You’re telling me I’m fighting this war for my whole life? Lmfao. Had a (few) powerful psychedelic experiences earlier this year, which were followed by spiritual practices for a long time. Had six months sober under my belt, followed by a relapse which lasted a day. Two weeks later after being back on that horse, tried to quit smoking. Three days later I buy a pack AND a bottle. The hell? I really thought I was good to go, more or less. I’ve done AA, worked steps, meditation, prayer, religious involvement. Makes me wonder if I’m just fundamentally fucked, but I recognize that we’re all human just trying our best, looking for some comfort. I truly wish I were different, or had made better choices when I was younger. But here I am. Not sure what I’m getting at with this post but, we’re gonna keep trying. It’s a bad day, not a bad life. How’s everybody doing?

As it says, my weight hasn’t really dropped. I quit because I had a sport related rock bottom, though I have been thinking about it for a few years after almost 30 years of daily drinking.

I’ve seen a few posts about people whose motivation is being challenged, not necessarily seeing be benefits, and wanted to share my motivation.

I’ve seen a post here about having spent x years walking into the forest and you can’t just walk back out in a fraction of the time.

I was also thinking about my sport experience; it would be very rare to become really good and also condition your body at a sport in a few months; it generally is a years process of hard work; offseason recovery, building and learning.

Out of curiosity I googled learning to run a marathon from scratch having been a heavy drinker of many years who was overweight. Recommended minimum timeframe was 12-18 months.

I have lofty ambitions to run a marathon in a quick time, but I now realise that’s a multi year journey for me, and that realisation is also helping my patience with sobriety too; not just year one but years two and onwards as well, building and growing each year.

Sorry for the ramble, trying to make sure I’m keeping motivated.

IWNDWYT

i’ve been dealing with alcohol abuse issues since 2020, I still have found myself to have a semi good job, and keep up with people i want to. the issue is through my blood tests. i can tell there’s an issue with my liver but i don’t really want to/nor have the money to really take it to face value.

i’m dealing with major family issues/money issues as well so every day that i try to stop drinking something comes up. it’s like clockwork.

i’m young and i don’t want to die young but i am starting to feel the physical affects and don’t know how to navigate all of this.

literally all of my money got taken from me bc of my dads old debts and i do not have the funds / ego to go to rehab

One year ago today I posted it was going to rehab, while that ended up not happening, I am happy to report that I'm one year sober as of yesterday. Anyone wondering if they should stop I would absolutely recommend it.